The Bond Disclaimer

Loeffelholz

What follows is, at least partially, intended as 'tongue-in-cheek':

I've been thinking recently (always a dangerous proposition), and it occurred to me that Eon should run a disclaimer, like the Zorin disclaimer before AVTAK, before every Bond film, in order to take the curse off whatever anti-social or otherwise unhealthy personal behaviour in which Bond might engage in the proceeding two hours and ? minutes:

1. The Surgeon General has determined that smoking cigarettes is bad for your health, and can lead to any number of potentially fatal illnesses, and that the consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate heavy machinery, and may also cause health problems.

2. Driving vehicles at a high rate of speed and disregarding all applicable traffic laws can lead to property damage, personal injury and death---and could lead to criminal prosecution, particularly if alcohol is involved.

3. The taking of another person's life, or any other form of physically violent activity, can lead to imprisonment, fines and subsequent civil action.

4. Gambling irresponsibly can lead to any number of financial difficulties, up to and including insolvency---and, ultimately, bankruptcy.

5. Irresponsible sexual behaviour contributes to the spread of many different diseases, including HIV and AIDS, and might lead to unplanned pregnancy.

Then...roll the gunbarrel sequence.

emtiem

Well I think the possible bad implications of 2 & 4 are probably shown onscreen in CR (both in Bond's case; it appears that driving fast and gambling both end badly for him)- so no need to warn against them! Bond hasn't smoked habitually for seventeen years, so no need to worry about 1; and as for 3- well Bond's got a licence to kill; which rather implies that if you don't have one you won't get away with it, doesn't it?
So that just leaves 5; which I suppose I'll give you!

Loeffelholz

Yes, but all these behaviours are potentially imitative by impressionable youth, and must be strongly advised against. And this is a means to let Bond be Bond.

emtiem

Loeffelholz wrote:

Yes, but all these behaviours are potentially imitative by impressionable youth, and must be strongly advised against. And this is a means to let Bond be Bond.

Yes but (and I'm afraid Serious Point is raising it's dull head only three posts in to your fun thread!); if these activies are portrayed as being harmful in the actual story- are they actually being glamorised?
Driving a sportscar fast is cool. Except if you're driving too fast without due care and attention you have a huge crash with a record-breaking number of rolls Therefore; driving a sportscar fast is dangerous. Disclaimer not required.

Loeffelholz

How was the car chase in TMWTGG harmful? And many others, like the boat chase in LALD, are only harmful to the bad guys; Bond lives to drive another day ;% Impressionable youth might not

MBE_

Loeffelholz wrote:

What follows is, at least partially, intended as 'tongue-in-cheek':

I've been thinking recently (always a dangerous proposition), and it occurred to me that Eon should run a disclaimer, like the Zorin disclaimer before AVTAK, before every Bond film, in order to take the curse off whatever anti-social or otherwise unhealthy personal behaviour in which Bond might engage in the proceeding two hours and ? minutes:

1. The Surgeon General has determined that smoking cigarettes is bad for your health, and can lead to any number of potentially fatal illnesses, and that the consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate heavy machinery, and may also cause health problems.

2. Driving vehicles at a high rate of speed and disregarding all applicable traffic laws can lead to property damage, personal injury and death---and could lead to criminal prosecution, particularly if alcohol is involved.

3. The taking of another person's life, or any other form of physically violent activity, can lead to imprisonment, fines and subsequent civil action.

4. Gambling irresponsibly can lead to any number of financial difficulties, up to and including insolvency---and, ultimately, bankruptcy.

5. Irresponsible sexual behaviour contributes to the spread of many different diseases, including HIV and AIDS, and might lead to unplanned pregnancy.

Then...roll the gunbarrel sequence.

) )

I can see it now scrolling along like Star Wars intro.

Although, if we didn't want to keep to just a text presentation I think Q (fill in actor of choice) would be the perfect person to introduce this and he could wind it up with

"Just because OO7 won't grow up doesn't mean you should grow up to be like him or you might not grow old."

MBE

Loeffelholz

MBE_ wrote:

) )

I can see it now scrolling along like Star Wars intro.

Although, if we didn't want to keep to just a text presentation I think Q (fill in actor of choice) would be the perfect person to introduce this and he could wind it up with

"Just because OO7 won't grow up doesn't mean you should grow up to be like him or you might not grow old."

{[]

emtiem

Loeffelholz wrote:

How was the car chase in TMWTGG harmful? And many others, like the boat chase in LALD, are only harmful to the bad guys; Bond lives to drive another day ;% Impressionable youth might not

Well, no- I'm only talking about applying these to new Bond films: I'm sure you wouldn't try and force modern day attitudes on films made last century And the only new Bond film around at the moment is CR, in which Bond's fast driving doesn't do him much good (record-breaking number of rolls- seven and a half I believe)

blueman

Depending on which Bond it is, you could add:

Witty one-liners in real life may or may not be taken well; raising an eyebrow or straightening a bit of one's apparell may need to be employed.

Loeffelholz

emtiem wrote:

Well, no- I'm only talking about applying these to new Bond films: I'm sure you wouldn't try and force modern day attitudes on films made last century And the only new Bond film around at the moment is CR, in which Bond's fast driving doesn't do him much good

True...but I figure it's too late to save CR from PC corruption---I'm thinking in terms of the future. B-)

emtiem

blueman wrote:

Depending on which Bond it is, you could add:

Witty one-liners in real life may or may not be taken well; raising an eyebrow or straightening a bit of one's apparell may need to be employed.

Ah yes- RogerBond's charming 'a woman!' and his baffling 'I like to keep abreast of things' (is his pun just based on the fact she has breasts? ?:) ) come to mind! The frosty reception he got there just goes to show again that you don't need the disclaimer...

emtiem

Loeffelholz wrote:

emtiem wrote:

Well, no- I'm only talking about applying these to new Bond films: I'm sure you wouldn't try and force modern day attitudes on films made last century And the only new Bond film around at the moment is CR, in which Bond's fast driving doesn't do him much good

True...but I figure it's too late to save CR from PC corruption---I'm thinking in terms of the future. B-)

You know Fleming sort of wrote that bit in 1953, yeah?

Loeffelholz

emtiem wrote:

You know Fleming sort of wrote that bit in 1953, yeah?

But torture is forever. :v

emtiem

Err.... okaaay...*edges slowly away*....

Loeffelholz

) ) )

emtiem

benskelly wrote:

How about this...

Do not become too comfortable with any one lead actor as 007 because he can and will be fired by producers' whim at a moment's notice.

Haha! I like that one! Perhaps end the film on a 'position vacant' advert?

Dan Same

Loeffelholz wrote:

What follows is, at least partially, intended as 'tongue-in-cheek':

I've been thinking recently (always a dangerous proposition), and it occurred to me that Eon should run a disclaimer, like the Zorin disclaimer before AVTAK, before every Bond film, in order to take the curse off whatever anti-social or otherwise unhealthy personal behaviour in which Bond might engage in the proceeding two hours and ? minutes:

1. The Surgeon General has determined that smoking cigarettes is bad for your health, and can lead to any number of potentially fatal illnesses, and that the consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate heavy machinery, and may also cause health problems.

2. Driving vehicles at a high rate of speed and disregarding all applicable traffic laws can lead to property damage, personal injury and death---and could lead to criminal prosecution, particularly if alcohol is involved.

3. The taking of another person's life, or any other form of physically violent activity, can lead to imprisonment, fines and subsequent civil action.

4. Gambling irresponsibly can lead to any number of financial difficulties, up to and including insolvency---and, ultimately, bankruptcy.

5. Irresponsible sexual behaviour contributes to the spread of many different diseases, including HIV and AIDS, and might lead to unplanned pregnancy.

Then...roll the gunbarrel sequence.

That's great. One question; regarding 2. Can you be prosecuted even if you're dead? )

Sir Hillary Bray

Wonderful, Loeff! {[]

To me, it needs not to be written on screen, but instead spoken super-quickly by an unseen voice, like in the drug commercials. The last line, of course, would be:

Ask your doctor if Bond is right for you!

TOOTS

Brilliant idea, Loeffelholz!
Very funny!

Sir Hillary Bray wrote:

Wonderful, Loeff! {[]
To me, it needs not to be written on screen, but instead spoken super-quickly by an unseen voice, like in the drug commercials. The last line, of course, would be:

Ask your doctor if Bond is right for you!

Very good too, Sir Hilary. Just imagining it now!

Nightshooter

benskelly wrote:

How about this...

Do not become too comfortable with any one lead actor as 007 because he can and will be fired by producers' whim at a moment's notice.

How about "James Bond will return. The character at least... maybe not the actor." at the end of the credits?

darenhat

Well done, Loef! Perhaps the film can simply have brief interruptions by Q during certain scenes saying "Don't try this at home, kids!"

Dan Same

Nightshooter wrote:

How about "James Bond will return. The character at least... maybe not the actor." at the end of the credits?

Or "James Bond will return; in two, three, four or perhaps even six years."

ohmss1969

quote : are only harmful to the bad guys

So bad guys aren't people....do they not bleed , do they not have families to feed ?!

):))

Loeffelholz

ohmss1969 wrote:

quote : are only harmful to the bad guys

So bad guys aren't people....do they not bleed , do they not have families to feed ?!

):))

Well, it's sad, but people are punished for bad career decisions all the time :v

Loeffelholz

Given the current discussion of Bond's alleged drinking and driving over in the CR thread, I thought this might be worth revisiting :007)

Loeffelholz wrote:

What follows is, at least partially, intended as 'tongue-in-cheek':

I've been thinking recently (always a dangerous proposition), and it occurred to me that Eon should run a disclaimer, like the Zorin disclaimer before AVTAK, before every Bond film, in order to take the curse off whatever anti-social or otherwise unhealthy personal behaviour in which Bond might engage in the proceeding two hours and ? minutes:

1. The Surgeon General has determined that smoking cigarettes is bad for your health, and can lead to any number of potentially fatal illnesses, and that the consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate heavy machinery, and may also cause health problems.

2. Driving vehicles at a high rate of speed and disregarding all applicable traffic laws can lead to property damage, personal injury and death---and could lead to criminal prosecution, particularly if alcohol is involved.

3. The taking of another person's life, or any other form of physically violent activity, can lead to imprisonment, fines and subsequent civil action.

4. Gambling irresponsibly can lead to any number of financial difficulties, up to and including insolvency---and, ultimately, bankruptcy.

5. Irresponsible sexual behaviour contributes to the spread of many different diseases, including HIV and AIDS, and might lead to unplanned pregnancy.

Then...roll the gunbarrel sequence.