Love Hurts - A Poem By Scott Murray

scottmu65

Hello,

Just thought I would post this here, it is a poem I have just written, It is a sort of rhyming couplets based on how I was feeling today, although some of the words etc. used are a bit of an extreme compared to what I am feeling. it is quite cheesy in some areas, also some may find it a tad depressing...

Oh and try and spot the James bond quotes.

Here goes nothing:

Love Hurts, Deal With It!

By Scott Murray


What do I do, when she doesn't know i'm there?
I can't move a single muscle, all I can do is stare.

Looking into nothing-ness, staring into space.
Motionless and speechless, a blank look upon my face.

I'm sitting here exposed, I have no armour left,
you stripped it from me, you tore it from my chest!

I long to tell you, tell you how I feel.
I can't, I musn't! You'll think it's no big deal.

But it is! Believe me! i'm physically in pain!
Although to you this means nothing, not a loss nor a gain.

Life is full of small challenges, it's about opening up new doors.
So however life unfolds for you, remember darling, im yours!

I want to lean and kiss you, but you'll only push me back.
And it will take a lifetime, to put my life on track.

Is it a sin, is it wrong for me to touch you?
If it is then I am guilty, and my punishment is due.

It is cruel the way this taunts me, I wish that it would stop,
but it won't, it can't, it is chained to me, and bound by key and lock!

I think i'm going to go now, to sort out my aching head,
I really cannot handle this, to you i'm as good as dead!

Love Hurts, Deal With It...

Tell me what you think...

s96024

Excellent. Can't write poetry to save me life.

Hardyboy

Very good, Scott--certainly much better than I could do! Bearing in mind that those who can, do, and those who can't, teach, allow me to point out that the meter is off. Have a look at the third stanza:

I'm ' sit' ting ' here ' ex ' posed ' I ' have ' no ' ar ' mor ' left (12 syllables; 4 stressed--here, posed, armor--and 8 unstressed)

you ' stript ' it' from ' me ' you ' tore ' it ' from ' my ' chest (11 syllables, all unstressed)

Line six lacks a real beat, so it doesn't make much of an impression. Try reading the poem out loud and feel how the words come out of your mouth and diaphragm: that might illustrate what I'm talking about.

Still, a very nice job. And I like the Bond quotes!

scottmu65

I see what you mean Hardy, I never really took much care with syllables etc. even though i should have, 90 percent of what I wrote was what just came into my head, thanks for comments anyway, i think i may try writing some more, i had forgotten how much I like writing poems.