I like it, Daren! Very Bondish! I wrote it before so that the missile would stick into its target like a needle, wait for its two-second delay, followed with the 'boom' as Mythbusters would say.
We don't have to use the delay if you don't want to, but it may seem a bit far-fetched for Bond to shoot Obs with a missile at such close range with no chance to escape, still coming out unscathed himself.
And then there's always the option of your local, friendly fuel tank...
Good work, DAWUSS! Nice touch getting Adriana out of her catsuit
If everyone is in agreement, I will add a brief denouemont that can wrap up any lingering questions. And my vote is to leave Bond in Daya's arms.
Any other items anyone wishes to include?
I tried to be a bit symbolic with it, since not very many disguises don't include clothing. Here she is, bare and with little to mask her true self. That sort of thing. I probably should have tried to explain it more but I couldn't find a spot to do it.
I wanted to kill Adriana ever since that final dialog exchange popped into my head a few days ago (I hope that wasn't too campy or anything like that). I know, Obsidian may not have died as would expected (he died like one of those henchmen do when they're outside of a fight trying to get in), but I had to get rid of him first otherwise (IMO) it wouldn't have worked out right.
And yeah, Daya in Bond's arms would make a good ending. {[]
Good work, DAWUSS! Nice touch getting Adriana out of her catsuit
If everyone is in agreement, I will add a brief denouemont that can wrap up any lingering questions. And my vote is to leave Bond in Daya's arms.
Any other items anyone wishes to include?
By all means,Daren--please wrap this thing up.:)
For my part I've gone back to the early meeting I wrote with Bond and M(where she briefs him on the Obsidian family) and included an indirect reference to Simon Obsidian.In this scene Bond first sees the photo of Max's twin brother that he'll produce at the climax.At least that's what I attempted.
Sweepy the CatHalifax, West Yorkshire, EnglaPosts: 986MI6 Agent
Hey, why don't you guy's discuss all your good ideas and decide which ones are best, then weave them into the plot, I'd love to see a huge epic ending!!!
Great job, Dawuss! Good old-fashioned action style.
I really would like to fit that Q Phone missile in there somewhere, though... If we want an epic ending, I suggest we make the mansion rigged to explode (ie, alarms going off, etc.) and everyone has to escape before the entire facility explodes. It would give closure to the ending, with all of Baba Yaga's brainwashed slaves being freed. Perhaps in the process Bond could find his old friend Magnus (or the guy who tortured him in the glassworks, now completely disfigured and bent on revenge--a good target for that Q missile )...
Great job, Dawuss! Good old-fashioned action style.
I really would like to fit that Q Phone missile in there somewhere, though... If we want an epic ending, I suggest we make the mansion rigged to explode (ie, alarms going off, etc.) and everyone has to escape before the entire facility explodes. It would give closure to the ending, with all of Baba Yaga's brainwashed slaves being freed. Perhaps in the process Bond could find his old friend Magnus (or the guy who tortured him in the glassworks, now completely disfigured and bent on revenge--a good target for that Q missile )...
Okay guys. I've added a small cap to the story. I didn't feel the need to elaborate too much on the aftermath of Obsidian's death, but if you guys feel differently, just let me know.
BTW...
In regards to Sly's ideas, I think they're great! But I've already destroyed the mansion in my previous contribution. I do believe, however, that nothing ever came of the explosives that Bond had placed around the garage.
If everyone is in agreement, I will add a brief denouemont that can wrap up any lingering questions. And my vote is to leave Bond in Daya's arms.
Any other items anyone wishes to include?
Excellent,Daren.If Sly still wants to put an explosion into the climax, that sequence can always be slipped in ahead of your epilogue during the final editing.
Whatever,this story's come to a graceful close.:)
Good work,guys!
Great job, Dawuss! Good old-fashioned action style.
I really would like to fit that Q Phone missile in there somewhere, though... If we want an epic ending, I suggest we make the mansion rigged to explode (ie, alarms going off, etc.) and everyone has to escape before the entire facility explodes. It would give closure to the ending, with all of Baba Yaga's brainwashed slaves being freed. Perhaps in the process Bond could find his old friend Magnus (or the guy who tortured him in the glassworks, now completely disfigured and bent on revenge--a good target for that Q missile )...
Sounds good to me, Sly--why not write it up?
You know WG, I think I'll do just that. I should get to it this weekend.
Apart from my next bit, Daren has masterfully ended the story for us! Three cheers for a fantastic ending! {[]
While we're on the subject, are we all agreed on Obsidian Masquerade as the title? I know I love this title. I would like to put a little note in my signature:
"Obsidian Masquerade, the latest in ajb fan fiction! Coming soon!!"
scaramanga1The English RivieraPosts: 845Chief of Staff
Ok guys well done with the first proper draft! It has been a pleasure as always. Now as for the title -I think it is established that it will be Obsidian Masqerade -and it is indeed the best title we can come up with in terms of being relevant to this thrilling tale.
Over the next few days I will set to copying and pasting this to word and will then set about spell checking etc and putting in relevant page breaks and sorting out chapters and chapter headings -several of which have already been supplied in this draft - I will then start looking to check for continuity etc and may need the help of a few of you guys along the way. once that is done the edited draft will be emailed to a couple of you for your perusal and any further alterations -then on return it will be made into its final version ready for Si.
I also wish to ask those of you who are good at cover art to start coming up with ideas for the cover and at least one teaser poster. (the poster will be used in an article to announce the imminent addition of Obsidian Masquerade to the library.)
Once again well done everyone -this has to be one of the best!
Here are all the title ideas i put forward during in this thread:
You Know My Name
What's in a Name
The Man With No Name
The Man Who Wasn't There
Death has No Name
Death Has No Past
Death has No Memory
Memory of Death
The Past Belongs to Death
scaramanga1The English RivieraPosts: 845Chief of Staff
some great masks there -well found.
I've already received one possible cover illustration -anyone else interested in creating some artwork for this masterpiece please do so and pm me within the next two weeks -as I wish to choose the final cover and a teaser illustration for the teaser article which will be posted early December.
It looks like the bit I've just finished is going to be my last entry, so I tried my hardest to give everyone the epic ending that I believe this story deserves!
It's done! Let me know what you think! {[]
By the way Daren, would you mind editing your entry to add in a sort of M briefing over the Q Phone's video screen or something? I had to put that girl into the story as a plot device, but now we need to know what happened to her... Please let me know if this sounds good to you, and feel free to take your own little liberties as always.
By the way Daren, would you mind editing your entry to add in a sort of M briefing over the Q Phone's video screen or something? I had to put that girl into the story as a plot device, but now we need to know what happened to her... Please let me know if this sounds good to you, and feel free to take your own little liberties as always.
My apologies as I have been rather busy of late. I haven't had a chance to read your entire entry, Sly. But when I have a chance, I will read it through and make any necessary revisions to my entry.
I understand Daren is busy, but has anyone else read my last entry? Any comments at all? I'd like to know if you guys think it's ready to be put with the rest of the novel.
I understand Daren is busy, but has anyone else read my last entry? Any comments at all? I'd like to know if you guys think it's ready to be put with the rest of the novel.
Comments would be very much appreciated.
Very colorful,Sly--and certainly cinematic.A fine way to help close off the story.
scaramanga1The English RivieraPosts: 845Chief of Staff
I was hoping to post a teaser article today for novel 6 but since Si has changed the way articles are activated -this may take longer than initially thought. Sorry for the delay. I am waiting on a response from Si.
I understand Daren is busy, but has anyone else read my last entry? Any comments at all? I'd like to know if you guys think it's ready to be put with the rest of the novel.
Comments would be very much appreciated.
First I must apologize for the lengthy delay in reading your entry, Sly, but I have finally got a chance to go through it completely.
Your entry is excellent! I'm glad you were able to work in the last rocket in the phone and I especially enjoyed the 'long distance' comment. You certainly packed a lot of suitable action into the ending.
I do think, however, that we need to address a few inconsistencies as we look over the completed draft. There's three that come to my attention and these are easy enough to fix.
1) Delicious killed off the character of Magnus at the beginning of the novel, or at least, that's how it appears. We can either edit delicious's entry so that Magnus is simply overpowered, or (and this is easier) have Bond make a comment in Sly's last entry about him thinking Magnus was dead.
2) In the entry that I wrote that involved the killing of Pemberton, I included the destruction of the mansion. This part can easily be chopped off and Bond sent directly after Obsidian to keep the mansion from blowing up twice. It's very possible that I got my geography of the story mixed up, but my impression was that the garage in which Bond and Daya had found Prowess's car was a seperate building from the mansion, and that a tunnel lead from the garage to the 'crucible' base where Obsidian kept his prisoners. Again, I might have this mixed up, but we'll need to pay attention in the final draft of where all the action is taking place. It might be easier to combine the garage and mansion, put the tunnel underneath, and blow up everything in one fell swoop.
3) which leads me to the last thing (which is very minor). I believe Bond and Daya planted their own explosives in the garage, which never were utilized. Since it's simply dangerous to leave unexploded bombs lying around (not to mention being an unresolved plot thread) maybe we should take that part out. Of course, if the garage and mansion are joined, the bombs are redundant, anyway.
So those are my thoughts. I'm not sure where we are in the proofing stage, but maybe those are things we can look out for as we give the story its spit and polish.
scaramanga1The English RivieraPosts: 845Chief of Staff
Thanks Daren for that input -I will look at these inconsistencies -as far as proofing I'm still going through spell checking etc and putting in the relevant chapter headings. The teaser article should be up later today including the opening chapter just to wet our members appetites.
It will all be done and dusted in time for Christmas -I just hope Si will be around to add it to the site for us.
Sweepy the CatHalifax, West Yorkshire, EnglaPosts: 986MI6 Agent
I'm sure that you could get involved. . . keep working on stuff of your own between now and then. Also, try writing your fan fiction as prose rather than as a screenplay.
scaramanga1The English RivieraPosts: 845Chief of Staff
You will probably have noticed that the teaser for this novel is now up -if you haven't checked it out go to
I should have the novel finished in about a week -due to the deadline of Christmas week -I have already spoken to Si -I may just have to pass it on to him -so any editing mistakes will solely be my responsibility -but I am pleased to say it is reading well and looking good -and the chapter headings are suitably Flemingesque. :007)
Comments
We don't have to use the delay if you don't want to, but it may seem a bit far-fetched for Bond to shoot Obs with a missile at such close range with no chance to escape, still coming out unscathed himself.
And then there's always the option of your local, friendly fuel tank...
... all that just for one simple one-liner...
If everyone is in agreement, I will add a brief denouemont that can wrap up any lingering questions. And my vote is to leave Bond in Daya's arms.
Any other items anyone wishes to include?
I tried to be a bit symbolic with it, since not very many disguises don't include clothing. Here she is, bare and with little to mask her true self. That sort of thing. I probably should have tried to explain it more but I couldn't find a spot to do it.
I wanted to kill Adriana ever since that final dialog exchange popped into my head a few days ago (I hope that wasn't too campy or anything like that). I know, Obsidian may not have died as would expected (he died like one of those henchmen do when they're outside of a fight trying to get in), but I had to get rid of him first otherwise (IMO) it wouldn't have worked out right.
And yeah, Daya in Bond's arms would make a good ending. {[]
By all means,Daren--please wrap this thing up.:)
For my part I've gone back to the early meeting I wrote with Bond and M(where she briefs him on the Obsidian family) and included an indirect reference to Simon Obsidian.In this scene Bond first sees the photo of Max's twin brother that he'll produce at the climax.At least that's what I attempted.
I really would like to fit that Q Phone missile in there somewhere, though...
Sounds good to me, Sly--why not write it up?
BTW...
In regards to Sly's ideas, I think they're great! But I've already destroyed the mansion in my previous contribution. I do believe, however, that nothing ever came of the explosives that Bond had placed around the garage.
Excellent,Daren.If Sly still wants to put an explosion into the climax, that sequence can always be slipped in ahead of your epilogue during the final editing.
Whatever,this story's come to a graceful close.:)
Good work,guys!
We now have a complete offical rough draft! Congratulations, everyone! {[]
It has been a pleasure to take part!
Three cheers for novel 6! {[]
Maybe later.
You know WG, I think I'll do just that. I should get to it this weekend.
Apart from my next bit, Daren has masterfully ended the story for us! Three cheers for a fantastic ending! {[]
While we're on the subject, are we all agreed on Obsidian Masquerade as the title? I know I love this title. I would like to put a little note in my signature:
"Obsidian Masquerade, the latest in ajb fan fiction! Coming soon!!"
...But only if we're agreed on the title.
Over the next few days I will set to copying and pasting this to word and will then set about spell checking etc and putting in relevant page breaks and sorting out chapters and chapter headings -several of which have already been supplied in this draft - I will then start looking to check for continuity etc and may need the help of a few of you guys along the way. once that is done the edited draft will be emailed to a couple of you for your perusal and any further alterations -then on return it will be made into its final version ready for Si.
I also wish to ask those of you who are good at cover art to start coming up with ideas for the cover and at least one teaser poster. (the poster will be used in an article to announce the imminent addition of Obsidian Masquerade to the library.)
Once again well done everyone -this has to be one of the best!
You Know My Name
What's in a Name
The Man With No Name
The Man Who Wasn't There
Death has No Name
Death Has No Past
Death has No Memory
Memory of Death
The Past Belongs to Death
I've already received one possible cover illustration -anyone else interested in creating some artwork for this masterpiece please do so and pm me within the next two weeks -as I wish to choose the final cover and a teaser illustration for the teaser article which will be posted early December.
Sc1.
It's done! Let me know what you think! {[]
By the way Daren, would you mind editing your entry to add in a sort of M briefing over the Q Phone's video screen or something? I had to put that girl into the story as a plot device, but now we need to know what happened to her... Please let me know if this sounds good to you, and feel free to take your own little liberties as always.
My apologies as I have been rather busy of late. I haven't had a chance to read your entire entry, Sly. But when I have a chance, I will read it through and make any necessary revisions to my entry.
Comments would be very much appreciated.
Very colorful,Sly--and certainly cinematic.A fine way to help close off the story.
Jason.
First I must apologize for the lengthy delay in reading your entry, Sly, but I have finally got a chance to go through it completely.
Your entry is excellent! I'm glad you were able to work in the last rocket in the phone and I especially enjoyed the 'long distance' comment. You certainly packed a lot of suitable action into the ending.
I do think, however, that we need to address a few inconsistencies as we look over the completed draft. There's three that come to my attention and these are easy enough to fix.
1) Delicious killed off the character of Magnus at the beginning of the novel, or at least, that's how it appears. We can either edit delicious's entry so that Magnus is simply overpowered, or (and this is easier) have Bond make a comment in Sly's last entry about him thinking Magnus was dead.
2) In the entry that I wrote that involved the killing of Pemberton, I included the destruction of the mansion. This part can easily be chopped off and Bond sent directly after Obsidian to keep the mansion from blowing up twice. It's very possible that I got my geography of the story mixed up, but my impression was that the garage in which Bond and Daya had found Prowess's car was a seperate building from the mansion, and that a tunnel lead from the garage to the 'crucible' base where Obsidian kept his prisoners. Again, I might have this mixed up, but we'll need to pay attention in the final draft of where all the action is taking place. It might be easier to combine the garage and mansion, put the tunnel underneath, and blow up everything in one fell swoop.
3) which leads me to the last thing (which is very minor). I believe Bond and Daya planted their own explosives in the garage, which never were utilized. Since it's simply dangerous to leave unexploded bombs lying around (not to mention being an unresolved plot thread) maybe we should take that part out. Of course, if the garage and mansion are joined, the bombs are redundant, anyway.
So those are my thoughts. I'm not sure where we are in the proofing stage, but maybe those are things we can look out for as we give the story its spit and polish.
It will all be done and dusted in time for Christmas -I just hope Si will be around to add it to the site for us.
http://www.ajb007.co.uk/articles/007/novel6teaser/
I should have the novel finished in about a week -due to the deadline of Christmas week -I have already spoken to Si -I may just have to pass it on to him -so any editing mistakes will solely be my responsibility -but I am pleased to say it is reading well and looking good -and the chapter headings are suitably Flemingesque. :007)
Jason