I'm busy writing it now! Just reviewing some of the comments so that I might incorporate suggestions into my contribution.
The novel's going quite well! I would just like to comment that I like the idea of ID theft and human trafficking being central to Mr. X's plan. I just would prefer if terrorism didn't play a very big part in this story--Bond is escapism, and we hear about terrorism every day. I'd like to see the story go a bit old school and be about someone still bent on the cold war. Anyway, that's my two cents, I should have my entry in by the end of the day.
I concur...in this day and age, terrorism is simply too prevalent IMO - in both reality and fiction. I think that the common man's lexicon tends to describe any act of violence against a citizen or non-combatant is considered 'terrorism' (at least when there's a cause attached).
I like 'Greed' as the motive, especially since that 'Greed' is causing the suffering of innocent people, and endangering the safety of nations.
All right, I've read everything and have come up with a few ideas. But first of all, I think the idea of Baba Yaga being a gorgeous young master of disguise is excellent--Bond stories are much more colorful if there's a femme fatale. However, I don't really like the idea of there being many 'Baba Yaga's in such a position or rank, it kind of reminds me of human cloning, and I'd really rather not see the story go into such a realm...
Then again, I can't speak for the group, so I guess we can just let all that sit in our minds for a while and see if it gets moldy. )
I do like the idea of Tanner, or maybe even Robinson coming in somewhere soon, helping him out when no one else will. I'm going to try and lead the story up to Bond attempting to enter MI6 with a card key, only to find out it won't let him in because... He's already there!! I can just see Bond being chased through the MI6 building by hundreds of guards with the James Bond theme playing! I won't write that though, I'll let the next writer take it where he likes.
I concur...in this day and age, terrorism is simply too prevalent IMO - in both reality and fiction. I think that the common man's lexicon tends to describe any act of violence against a citizen or non-combatant is considered 'terrorism' (at least when there's a cause attached).
I like 'Greed' as the motive, especially since that 'Greed' is causing the suffering of innocent people, and endangering the safety of nations.
At least the story seems to be staying away from a terrorism-centered plot. Terrorism would only play a small part (if any). IE, Iran buying secrets from Mister X; things like that, though they're not necessary if we don't like them. Perhaps we can see Mister X being around fifty years old, having been somehow damaged as a child by the cold war. Perhaps behind greed, we have revenge as an underlying motive? Or does that sound too clichéd? Maybe 'X' is just an insane power maniac like Max Zorin.
Of course, I'm just throwing out ideas. I really like where the story is going, though.
Okay, I've written for quite a while on my contribution, but it is getting very late and I must leave it unfinished for now. However, not to leave you all hanging, I've posted what I have down as a bit of a preview and perhaps get some comments on it. Rest assured, I'll be back to finish it tomorrow.
I figured the story had seen plenty of action scenes and needed a bit of time to slow down, thus I've taken us back to Vasilissa in Helsinki. I'll see you guys tomorrow with my finished product.
Good stuff, SlyFox. I particular like the idea of giving Bond a TVR. You have good taste!;)
Our tale definitely needing a change of pace, and I think it was a good idea to pick up on Lissa's story. I look forward to reading the rest.
Nice work, Sly. Golrush is right that it's good to follow Lissa for a bit. I have one concern and that is with her accessing that database on the computer so easily. I have hard time seeing Bond, a consumate professional, doing something like neglecting to password-protect his computer. Perhaps we can make it seem more believable if we set it up with Bond giving her permission and instructions on how to contact Jari through the computer.
Nice work, Sly. Golrush is right that it's good to follow Lissa for a bit. I have one concern and that is with her accessing that database on the computer so easily. I have hard time seeing Bond, a consumate professional, doing something like neglecting to password-protect his computer. Perhaps we can make it seem more believable if we set it up with Bond giving her permission and instructions on how to contact Jari through the computer.
I agree darenhat. The special features in Bond's car would not be accessible to Lissa. Bond might tell Lissa that there is a mobile phone in the glove box or she could ring Jari from a hotel in Helsinki. I like the idea of her spending big with the credit card as she has never experienced capitalism before. Remember, she's been working in a sweat shop since she was 10 and has never had beautiful things. I will change my entry to say that Bond gives her a credit card not just a credit card number.
Bond might get a bit of flack later on (perhaps at the end of the novel) when Lissa's hotel bill comes in and M sees it. Also Q might go off when he hears that Bond has handed his car over to a complete stranger.
Nice work, Sly. Golrush is right that it's good to follow Lissa for a bit. I have one concern and that is with her accessing that database on the computer so easily. I have hard time seeing Bond, a consumate professional, doing something like neglecting to password-protect his computer. Perhaps we can make it seem more believable if we set it up with Bond giving her permission and instructions on how to contact Jari through the computer.
I agree darenhat. The special features in Bond's car would not be accessible to Lissa. Bond might tell Lissa that there is a mobile phone in the glove box or she could ring Jari from a hotel in Helsinki. I like the idea of her spending big with the credit card as she has never experienced capitalism before. Remember, she's been working in a sweat shop since she was 10 and has never had beautiful things. I will change my entry to say that Bond gives her a credit card not just a credit card number.
The credit card was actually one of my concerns: in this day and age, you need more than just the number on the credit card in order to use it--stores probably wouldn't accept just a number, and you need an expiration date and card ID number to use it online. I believe stores might still accept someone else's credit card if they neglect to check the signature, but I'm not exactly sure.
As for the computer system, I tend to go all techie in my stories. As I saw it, Bond seems arrogant enough to leave his computer unprotected--if anyone got into his car, he could just blow it up... But I'll look into it as I finish writing it. I might leave it as is, or I might change it around a bit. If I leave it as is, we can tweak it later, no worries.
As for the TVR, I noticed that no one had really described Bond's car, and cars are my specialty! I figured Bond needed a 100% British car for such a mission, and the TVR is definitely a very spy-ish car at that. Although somewhere along the line, I would like to fit a Nissan Skyline or a '90s Lexus SC400 in if possible--maybe a villain's car or something. I'm not sure how well it would work in a Bond story, but I am quite the connoisseur when it comes to Japanese automobiles.
Entry's in.Fairly rough still, mainly a few scenes showing us a little more of Jari and Lissa.Also with a brief appearance by MI-6's chief of staff Bill Tanner.Hopefully some of this is useful.It's just a setup to keep the story on track.
I've also put a separate femme fatale sequence in as well,It's really nothing special and more of an experiment than anything else.That;s why it's set apart from the body of the entry.In fact,I'm not insisting that we even go this way.I'm just trying to figure out how the elderly Baba Yaga could've been so nimble earlier in the story.Perhaps Baba's on a drug of some kind?If it doesn't seem to serve the story I think that part is easily adjustable and even removable.Nothing I've added is so irreplacable that it can't be extensively revised..:)
If Bond is going to be in hot water as soon as he lands in England becaause someone disguised as him has committed a crime, then as soon as Lissa contacts Jari and Jari contacts MI6 (eg checks the database) he is going to be confused because James will appear to be in two places.
it might be good to get on with the main storyline as it will impact on how Jari reacts to Lissa and the orders he receives from MI6 regarding her.
Wow, thanks for the warm reception! I originally wanted to slow the story down, but I guess I got carried away with the a car chase idea that just popped into my head...
WG, your entry gives us a nice insight into who Baba Yaga really is. I like the new character: a henchwoman who is apparently into S&M. Reminds you of someone from GoldenEye, doesn't it? She seems to fit in with the rest of the story. I do have one question, however: I'm afraid I'm not familiar with Nelson and Gavin, or Gamin features for that matter... or are they the same?
On another note, I believe we need to come to a consensus as to whether the cars are are right or left-hand drive! I'm probably the only one who is affected by this, but it messes with my mental picture of the scene! I believe cars in Finland drive on the right, so that would make their cars left-hand drive, wouldn't it? Obviously being British, the TVR is right-hand, but what about the Lexus? I assumed it was some sort of Finnish import version (consequently with left-hand drive--or am I wrong about that?), but I guess it depends on which country it was imported to. Although if it was a British version, then WG had it right. Either way, I'll make a few minor changes to my entry to clarify.
If Bond is going to be in hot water as soon as he lands in England becaause someone disguised as him has committed a crime, then as soon as Lissa contacts Jari and Jari contacts MI6 (eg checks the database) he is going to be confused because James will appear to be in two places.
I feel it's too soon for Bond's 'double' to come onto the scene. For Mister X to have someone pose as 007 would require an elaborate plan and would require a lot of preparation, in which case it would all be redundant since Mister X already had a 'mole' in MI6 with Carter.
By eliminating Carter, uncovering Mister X's existence, squirreling out Baba Yaga, liberating Lissa, and stealing the plane (purpose of said plane still 'up in the air'), Bond has basically exposed Mister X and put his plans at risk. I foresee Mister X having to do a bit of 're-strategizing' which could entail impersonating Bond at some point...however, for Mister X to have the plan enacted before Bond could even arrive in London seems too implausible to me.
Willie - excellent character addition to the story. I have no problems with Baba Yaga being one of her many identities - this in a sense would make her one of X's 'master pupils' in his schemes, and fits well with the story. Well done!
Wow, thanks for the warm reception! I originally wanted to slow the story down, but I guess I got carried away with the a car chase idea that just popped into my head...
WG, your entry gives us a nice insight into who Baba Yaga really is. I like the new character: a henchwoman who is apparently into S&M. Reminds you of someone from GoldenEye, doesn't it? She seems to fit in with the rest of the story. I do have one question, however: I'm afraid I'm not familiar with Nelson and Gavin, or Gamin features for that matter... or are they the same?
On another note, I believe we need to come to a consensus as to whether the cars are are right or left-hand drive! I'm probably the only one who is affected by this, but it messes with my mental picture of the scene! I believe cars in Finland drive on the right, so that would make their cars left-hand drive, wouldn't it? Obviously being British, the TVR is right-hand, but what about the Lexus? I assumed it was some sort of Finnish import version (consequently with left-hand drive--or am I wrong about that?), but I guess it depends on which country it was imported to. Although if it was a British version, then WG had it right. Either way, I'll make a few minor changes to my entry to clarify.
Thanks Fox.Looking back,in all honesty I probably should've cleared the femme fatale with the rest of you before writing it.Never meant to offend.As noted,I can remove her or rewrite her.Not a problem.:)
The Lexus:I would assume that Jari's car is a British model,but neither of us specified that,did we?Whatever,it's apparently been outfited by Q Branch.
I tried to keep Jari consistent what what you'd written.All I did was give him a face and a home.Plus establish that he's obviously privy to MI-6's people and is trustworthy enough to know a few of their codes --and in the cases of both 007 and Bill Tanner--people.I see Jari is being a kind of Kerim Bey-type figure for this story.Perhaps due to his skill with languages he works as a translator for MI-6.
Finally,Nelson and Gavin are named after Barry Nelson-the 1st actor to ever play James Bond(TV version of Casino Royale) and Gavin is named after John Gavin- the actor Cubby chose to play 007 in Diamonds Are Forever before UA insisted on Sean Connery being brought back.Just throwaway names.Inside stuff.;)
As far as I know "gamin" means pixy-like or with childlike features.Having an ageless look.
And thanks,Daren.I thought if we saw X's pupil/mistress, we'd indirectly learn a little bit about X, as well as about her.And Bond's femme fatales are generally pretty twisted ladies.I was also trying to help set the stage for X's first appearance without actually revealing too much about him.Regardless of how charming he might be to other people, he's really not a nice man.He's the villain of the piece and these villains usually have their quirks.
Finally,I also agree that introducing 007's double so soon after his return from Finland isn't necessarily sound in a dramatic sense.Why not first go ahead and reestablish 007 in his usual surroundings,and then--once he's occupied elsewhere--007's imposter appears and begins to do all sorts of damage.We might even build up to this particular moment by providing glimpses of the 007 lookalike's training by X.Not a lot of stuff really--just a brief glance or two.
There was some mention early on about Bond going to India which is why the flight plan that Bond found on magnus's body said Delhi. But Bond took the plane tro England (as per scaramanga's first instalment where Addlestone was his destination).
As a man of impulsive action. if Bond was on the trail of Mister X he would have flown the plane to India to discover the next link in the chain unless there was something in the plane that required him to fly it to England instead.
The logic of what he's doing and why needs to be clarified here.
Agreed.Perhaps that will be explained during the upcoming debriefing with M.After having found a clue of some kind in India,it then lead Bond to Finland.
Agreed.Perhaps that will be explained during the upcoming debriefing with M.After having found a clue of some kind in India,it then lead Bond to Finland.
As it stands Bond found the clue about India IN Finland. We need to explain why he has returned to England instead of going direct to India in pursuit of Mister X. The plane might have been carrying some important cargo or he may have received orders from MI6 (although how, I dont know as he probably got stripped of all equipment during the torture scene - maybe he checked in using a stolen mobile phone or radio's MI6 from the plane telling them hes going to India but gets instructions to return to England, although there will need to be a good reason why MI6 would give such orders).
Essentaially, why does Bond need to get this plane to Addlestone in the first place?
scaramanga1The English RivieraPosts: 845Chief of Staff
Ok I do think a lot of stuff has happened in a short space of time with this novel. I personally wanted Finland to be a pts and may only have a slight bearing on the main plot. It now seems it is having a much bigger role than I intended it to. My idea was 007 would complete his original mission which was to get the mole and then return to MI6 where through the debriefing 007 tells M about the Indian connection - M then sends 007 off to investigate and perhaps fills 007 in on some other classified information that could have a bearing on the situation. The plane is just basically a quick means of escape and nothing more. It wouldn't be holding enough fuel for a flight to India.
I think the debriefing will also slow the tale down a little for although it is all very exciting so far we could be in danger of over doing it and making this tale into something that well isn't a particularly good 007 novel but some sort of Bruce Willis Die Hard film.
I hope I'm not coming across too negative. I just think sometimes we need reining in a little so as to produce something good and not too corny.
It is very easy to get carried away.
anyway the reason for the plane was just meant for it to be a simple but interesting means of escape and the opening paragraph that I wrote was meant to be a a good hook for readers and writers alike.
I agree. I couldn't foresee see Bond dashing off to India. His mission was accomplished when he eliminated Carter, he had information that he had to convey to MI6, and on top of that, he was hurting pretty bad. Perhaps Bond took the plane simply becuase 1) it was a quick ticket home and 2) in doing so, he stalled any plan that X had in place, giving him and MI6 a chance to find out what's going on.
It seems more than likely that everything will slow down right about now. Perhaps the story has started off a bit strong, but we can move things around and add-on as we need to later. Where the story is now, I believe it is an excellent time to delve deeper into the character development. Perhaps we will see Bond soon find himself being sent to some exotic locale (India or some other place) where he meets Mister X. Although we may have to be very careful of sounding clichéd or coming off as formulaic.
As for the plane, I would imagine Bond would need to bring it back to England so that Q or the forensics team could examine it. After all, Bond did take off very quickly; if the plane didn't have autopilot, he wouldn't have been able to see what it was carrying. There may be some sort of hidden gem of evidence lying in that plane somewhere. Only time will tell what M (or Q) will say however...
Speaking of which, I definitely think this novel should feature Q somewhere. I know he wasn't in the original novels, but I think he would make an excellent addition. Not to mention we could have a lot of fun with the idea...
"All I asked was that you bring this car back in pristine order..."
Comments
BTW, when's the next entry coming in? I don't mean to sound impatient, but......
I imagine Sly Fox is probably busy creating the next bit.
The novel's going quite well! I would just like to comment that I like the idea of ID theft and human trafficking being central to Mr. X's plan. I just would prefer if terrorism didn't play a very big part in this story--Bond is escapism, and we hear about terrorism every day.
I like 'Greed' as the motive, especially since that 'Greed' is causing the suffering of innocent people, and endangering the safety of nations.
Then again, I can't speak for the group, so I guess we can just let all that sit in our minds for a while and see if it gets moldy.
I do like the idea of Tanner, or maybe even Robinson coming in somewhere soon, helping him out when no one else will. I'm going to try and lead the story up to Bond attempting to enter MI6 with a card key, only to find out it won't let him in because... He's already there!! I can just see Bond being chased through the MI6 building by hundreds of guards with the James Bond theme playing! I won't write that though, I'll let the next writer take it where he likes.
At least the story seems to be staying away from a terrorism-centered plot. Terrorism would only play a small part (if any). IE, Iran buying secrets from Mister X; things like that, though they're not necessary if we don't like them. Perhaps we can see Mister X being around fifty years old, having been somehow damaged as a child by the cold war. Perhaps behind greed, we have revenge as an underlying motive? Or does that sound too clichéd? Maybe 'X' is just an insane power maniac like Max Zorin.
Of course, I'm just throwing out ideas.
I figured the story had seen plenty of action scenes and needed a bit of time to slow down, thus I've taken us back to Vasilissa in Helsinki. I'll see you guys tomorrow with my finished product.
Our tale definitely needing a change of pace, and I think it was a good idea to pick up on Lissa's story. I look forward to reading the rest.
I agree darenhat. The special features in Bond's car would not be accessible to Lissa. Bond might tell Lissa that there is a mobile phone in the glove box or she could ring Jari from a hotel in Helsinki. I like the idea of her spending big with the credit card as she has never experienced capitalism before. Remember, she's been working in a sweat shop since she was 10 and has never had beautiful things. I will change my entry to say that Bond gives her a credit card not just a credit card number.
Bond might get a bit of flack later on (perhaps at the end of the novel) when Lissa's hotel bill comes in and M sees it. Also Q might go off when he hears that Bond has handed his car over to a complete stranger.
The credit card was actually one of my concerns: in this day and age, you need more than just the number on the credit card in order to use it--stores probably wouldn't accept just a number, and you need an expiration date and card ID number to use it online. I believe stores might still accept someone else's credit card if they neglect to check the signature, but I'm not exactly sure.
As for the computer system, I tend to go all techie in my stories.
As for the TVR, I noticed that no one had really described Bond's car, and cars are my specialty!
I'll let you guys read it and see what you think.
Couldn't have put it better -this is shaping up really well now.
I've also put a separate femme fatale sequence in as well,It's really nothing special and more of an experiment than anything else.That;s why it's set apart from the body of the entry.In fact,I'm not insisting that we even go this way.I'm just trying to figure out how the elderly Baba Yaga could've been so nimble earlier in the story.Perhaps Baba's on a drug of some kind?If it doesn't seem to serve the story I think that part is easily adjustable and even removable.Nothing I've added is so irreplacable that it can't be extensively revised..:)
it might be good to get on with the main storyline as it will impact on how Jari reacts to Lissa and the orders he receives from MI6 regarding her.
WG, your entry gives us a nice insight into who Baba Yaga really is. I like the new character: a henchwoman who is apparently into S&M. Reminds you of someone from GoldenEye, doesn't it?
On another note, I believe we need to come to a consensus as to whether the cars are are right or left-hand drive!
I feel it's too soon for Bond's 'double' to come onto the scene. For Mister X to have someone pose as 007 would require an elaborate plan and would require a lot of preparation, in which case it would all be redundant since Mister X already had a 'mole' in MI6 with Carter.
By eliminating Carter, uncovering Mister X's existence, squirreling out Baba Yaga, liberating Lissa, and stealing the plane (purpose of said plane still 'up in the air'), Bond has basically exposed Mister X and put his plans at risk. I foresee Mister X having to do a bit of 're-strategizing' which could entail impersonating Bond at some point...however, for Mister X to have the plan enacted before Bond could even arrive in London seems too implausible to me.
Willie - excellent character addition to the story. I have no problems with Baba Yaga being one of her many identities - this in a sense would make her one of X's 'master pupils' in his schemes, and fits well with the story. Well done!
Thanks Fox.Looking back,in all honesty I probably should've cleared the femme fatale with the rest of you before writing it.Never meant to offend.As noted,I can remove her or rewrite her.Not a problem.:)
The Lexus:I would assume that Jari's car is a British model,but neither of us specified that,did we?Whatever,it's apparently been outfited by Q Branch.
I tried to keep Jari consistent what what you'd written.All I did was give him a face and a home.Plus establish that he's obviously privy to MI-6's people and is trustworthy enough to know a few of their codes --and in the cases of both 007 and Bill Tanner--people.I see Jari is being a kind of Kerim Bey-type figure for this story.Perhaps due to his skill with languages he works as a translator for MI-6.
Finally,Nelson and Gavin are named after Barry Nelson-the 1st actor to ever play James Bond(TV version of Casino Royale) and Gavin is named after John Gavin- the actor Cubby chose to play 007 in Diamonds Are Forever before UA insisted on Sean Connery being brought back.Just throwaway names.Inside stuff.;)
As far as I know "gamin" means pixy-like or with childlike features.Having an ageless look.
And thanks,Daren.I thought if we saw X's pupil/mistress, we'd indirectly learn a little bit about X, as well as about her.And Bond's femme fatales are generally pretty twisted ladies.I was also trying to help set the stage for X's first appearance without actually revealing too much about him.Regardless of how charming he might be to other people, he's really not a nice man.He's the villain of the piece and these villains usually have their quirks.
Finally,I also agree that introducing 007's double so soon after his return from Finland isn't necessarily sound in a dramatic sense.Why not first go ahead and reestablish 007 in his usual surroundings,and then--once he's occupied elsewhere--007's imposter appears and begins to do all sorts of damage.We might even build up to this particular moment by providing glimpses of the 007 lookalike's training by X.Not a lot of stuff really--just a brief glance or two.
Just a few thoughts and nothing more.
As a man of impulsive action. if Bond was on the trail of Mister X he would have flown the plane to India to discover the next link in the chain unless there was something in the plane that required him to fly it to England instead.
The logic of what he's doing and why needs to be clarified here.
As it stands Bond found the clue about India IN Finland. We need to explain why he has returned to England instead of going direct to India in pursuit of Mister X. The plane might have been carrying some important cargo or he may have received orders from MI6 (although how, I dont know as he probably got stripped of all equipment during the torture scene - maybe he checked in using a stolen mobile phone or radio's MI6 from the plane telling them hes going to India but gets instructions to return to England, although there will need to be a good reason why MI6 would give such orders).
Essentaially, why does Bond need to get this plane to Addlestone in the first place?
I think the debriefing will also slow the tale down a little for although it is all very exciting so far we could be in danger of over doing it and making this tale into something that well isn't a particularly good 007 novel but some sort of Bruce Willis Die Hard film.
I hope I'm not coming across too negative. I just think sometimes we need reining in a little so as to produce something good and not too corny.
It is very easy to get carried away.
anyway the reason for the plane was just meant for it to be a simple but interesting means of escape and the opening paragraph that I wrote was meant to be a a good hook for readers and writers alike.
As for the plane, I would imagine Bond would need to bring it back to England so that Q or the forensics team could examine it. After all, Bond did take off very quickly; if the plane didn't have autopilot, he wouldn't have been able to see what it was carrying. There may be some sort of hidden gem of evidence lying in that plane somewhere. Only time will tell what M (or Q) will say however...
Speaking of which, I definitely think this novel should feature Q somewhere. I know he wasn't in the original novels, but I think he would make an excellent addition. Not to mention we could have a lot of fun with the idea...
"All I asked was that you bring this car back in pristine order..."