King of the Slobs

DrMaybe

I meet a lot of people in my line of work, and usually am going to their homes when they aren't dolled up for regular guests. Consequently, I get to see how they really live, in regards to their cleaning habits anyway.

Currently I'm doing some work for a guy on crutches. Although he's been on them for roughly a month, he's fairly mobile, and I've seen him get around without them. So it's no excuse for his habits. He drops everything on the floor. I'm not talking clumsy. If it hits the floor, it's there forever. There is literally a path thru his house walled by dropped clothes. I assume when he runs low on fresh laundry, he just goes and buys some more. He's also big on dropping change. Probably close to a grand down there if you want to dig thru the undies.

Not one square inch of his kitchen counter is not covered with some kind of debris. He apparently never met a food wrapper he didn't like. I wasn't brave enough to use the head, but I assume that's a masterpiece as well. The punchline to all this is that the guy is a police detective who used to work undercover in biker gangs.

Know any real-life Oscar Madisons?

darenhat

This is why I said goodbye to roommates many many years ago. I shared a three-bedroom apartment with two other guys and it was the last straw. It was impossible to use the kitchen sink unless you broke out the archeology kit and began excavating through three weeks of dirty dishes. What really drove me to life on my own was when one of them conveniently kept his electric razor and toe-nail clippers on the coffee table so he could groom without missing his sitcoms.

I'll admit I'm no Felix Unger, but I have my standards! Fortunately, my wife is a neat-nik herself (much more than me) so my home is nice blend of lived-in and tidy comfort.