Dialogue That Always Makes Me Smile

BIG TAMBIG TAM Wrexham, North Wales, UK.Posts: 773MI6 Agent
in General James Bond Chat
Some snippets of Bond dialogue that always makes me grin, be they witty or groaners. I'll see how far I get before I have to go off for a walk in the sun. Apologies if there are any misquotes. I'm sure I'll be enlightened otherwise. :)

DR. NO
"That's a Dom Perignon '55, it would be a pity to break it."

FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE
"... The girl left in hysterics."
"Found your technique too violent?"

GOLDFINGER
"Who are you?"
"My name is Pussy Galore."
"I must be dreaming."

THUNDERBALL
"That gun, it looks more fitting for a woman."
"Do you know much about guns, Mr. Bond?"
"No, but I know a little about women."

YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE
"The things I do for England."

ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE
"She likes you, I can tell."
"You must give me the name of your oculist."

DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER
"Moving."
"Heart-warming, Mr. Wint."
"A Glowing tribute, Mr. Kidd."

"Hi, I'm Plenty."
"But of course you are."
"Plenty O'Toole."
"Named after your father, perhaps."

"I'm afraid you've caught me with more than my hands up."

"Right idea, Mr. Bond."
"But wrong pussy."

"Saxby."
"Burt Saxby?... Tell him he's fired!"

LIVE & LET DIE:
"Is there time before we leave, for lesson number three?"
"Absolutely. There's no sense in getting off half-cocked."

THE SPY WHO LOVED ME
"Oh James, I cannot find the words."
"Well let me try & enlarge your vocabulary."

MOONRAKER
"Frederick Gray. And in distinguished company all wearing gas masks. Forgive me gentlemen, but not being English I sometimes find your sense of humour difficult to understand."

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY
"A nose Q, not a banana!"

OCTOPUSSY
"The egg for your life."
"I'd heard the price of eggs was going up but isn't that a little high?"

THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS
"Why didn't you learn to play the violin?"

GOLDENEYE
"For an ex-KGB agent you surprise me, Valentin. Surely someone of your stature must have realised the skill was not to hit your knee, but to miss the rest of you."

THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH
"Bond, James Bond!... Why am I suddenly worried that I'm not carrying enough life insurance?"

"Could you put that in English for people who don't speak spy?"
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Comments

  • minigeffminigeff EnglandPosts: 7,884MI6 Agent
    One line, and the way moore delivers it, that always makes me chuckle is from FYEO;

    "yes well, you put your clothes on, and I'll buy you an ice cream" LMAO
    'Force feeding AJB humour and banter since 2009'
    Vive le droit à la libre expression! Je suis Charlie!
    www.helpforheroes.org.uk
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  • Moore ThanMoore Than EnglandPosts: 3,173MI6 Agent
    The end of the pheasant shoot in Moonraker. This never fails to put a smile on my face. It's not only the dialogue but also the expressions.

    You missed, Mr. Bond."
    "Did I?"
    Moore Not Less 4371 posts (2002 - 2007) Moore Than (2012 - 2016)
  • BIG TAMBIG TAM Wrexham, North Wales, UK.Posts: 773MI6 Agent
    I always like the first bit of that exchange between Bond & Drax in MOONRAKER, too:-

    "A pity you leave us, Mr. Bond. Such good sport."
    "Unless you're a pheasant."

    Moore delivers it with wonderful underlying contempt for the villain.
  • DangerMouseDangerMouse Benfleet, EssexPosts: 235MI6 Agent
    I like the final exchange between Bond and Kaufman in TND.

    Kauf: I'm just a professional doing a job.
    Bond: Me too.
    (Shoots Kaufman dead) :))
  • Smiert-SpionamSmiert-Spionam Posts: 318MI6 Agent
    Some for the Daniel Craig fans out there:

    Casino Royale:
    Bond: 'Now the whole world's going to know you just scratched my balls'

    Bond: 'You're not my type'
    Vesper: 'Smart?'
    Bond: 'Single'

    'And you're Miss Stephanie Broadchest'

    Le Chiffre: 'Welcome Mr Beech...or is that Mr Bond? I'm a little confused.
    Bond: 'Well we wouldn't want that would we?'

    Quantum of Solace:
    Fields: 'We're teachers on sabatical. It fits our cover'
    Bond: 'No it doesn't'

    Baddie on bike: 'You were meant to shoot her!'
    Bond: 'Well I missed!' *kicks bike from under him*
    Smiert Spionam
  • DutchfingerDutchfinger Holland With LovePosts: 1,240MI6 Agent
    Roger Moore in Octopussy:

    "Double sixes... it's all in the whrist.."

    His expression when he delivers that line without even looking at the dice is priceless!
    Better known as DutchBondFan on YouTube. My 007 movie reviews: Recapping 007
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  • DEFIANT 74205DEFIANT 74205 Perth, AustraliaPosts: 1,881MI6 Agent
    In Goldfinger, when M was giving Bond one hell of a dressing down ...

    "You were to observe Mr Goldfinger, not borrow his girlfriend!"

    :)

    I have a bit of a chuckle at that because that pretty much describes the "Playboy" attitude that the cinematic Bond had taken on from there, even though it wasn't strictly Fleming ...

    Also from Goldfinger

    Smithers: "Have some more of this rather disappointing brandy"
    M: "Why, what's wrong with it?"
    Bond: "I'd say it's a 30-year old fine indifferently blended, Sir ... with an overdose of bon bois."
    M: "Colonel Smithers is giving the lecture, 007!"
    "Watch the birdie, you bastard!"
  • BIG TAMBIG TAM Wrexham, North Wales, UK.Posts: 773MI6 Agent
    I always like the Sir Donald/Bond/M exchange in DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER:-

    "Tell me Commander, how far does your expertise extend into the world of diamonds?"
    "A hardy substance found in nature, cut glass, suggests in place of a dog is a girl's best friend & that's about it."
    "Refreshing to hear there's one subject you're not an expert on."

    For some, M's sniping goes against the grain but it always amuses me.
  • Sir Hillary BraySir Hillary Bray College of ArmsPosts: 2,174MI6 Agent
    BIG TAM wrote:
    I always like the Sir Donald/Bond/M exchange in DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER:-

    "Tell me Commander, how far does your expertise extend into the world of diamonds?"
    "A hardy substance found in nature, cut glass, suggests in place of a dog is a girl's best friend & that's about it."
    "Refreshing to hear there's one subject you're not an expert on."

    For some, M's sniping goes against the grain but it always amuses me.
    Me too. Especially in DAF.

    "Well, I've always rather fancied a trip to South Africa."
    "You're going to Holland! For some time, we've had our eye on a professional smuggler called Peter Franks..."
    "I take it we know who his contacts are?"
    "We do function in your absence, Commander." [Rolls eyes to Sir Donald]
    :))
    Hilly...you old devil!
  • BlackleiterBlackleiter Washington, DCPosts: 5,615MI6 Agent
    "Well....there was this girl in Philadelphia!"
    "Felix Leiter, a brother from Langley."
  • BIG TAMBIG TAM Wrexham, North Wales, UK.Posts: 773MI6 Agent
    I've just realised there's an exchange in NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN that always makes me grin. If it had been in an official EON Bond it would have been a knockout. It's at the end of the Domination game Largo & Bond play:-

    "Tell me, do you lose as graciously as you win?"
    " I wouldn't know, I've never lost."

    Connery delivers it wonderfully.
  • minigeffminigeff EnglandPosts: 7,884MI6 Agent
    ah, domination, a game so ingenius that no one on the planet, save largo himself, knows what the hell is going on, who wins, who looses, how it happens, what happens, who did what and why and how what happens, why when and who did it and then what happened next when what went where and who put what where, when and how.

    its about as pointless as scalextic for one.
    'Force feeding AJB humour and banter since 2009'
    Vive le droit à la libre expression! Je suis Charlie!
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  • Silhouette ManSilhouette Man The last refuge of a scoundrelPosts: 8,870MI6 Agent
    minigeff wrote:
    ah, domination, a game so ingenius that no one on the planet, save largo himself, knows what the hell is going on, who wins, who looses, how it happens, what happens, who did what and why and how what happens, why when and who did it and then what happened next when what went where and who put what where, when and how.

    its about as pointless as scalextic for one.

    Ha! Ha! Nomination for Best Post of the Year 2012! :)) :)) :))
    "The tough man of the world. The Secret Agent. The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).
  • walther p99walther p99 NJPosts: 3,416MI6 Agent
    Even though i detest the Roger Moore era, i love Moore's delivery of "no ma'am, im with the economy tour" from Octupussy, absolutely hilarious.
    @deanwdunlevy
  • LastRatStandingLastRatStanding ScotlandPosts: 296MI6 Agent
    "I'll admit it's a little kinky.." In TMWTGG.
    Now, they only eat rat.
  • raptors_887raptors_887 CanadaPosts: 215MI6 Agent
    "How will I recognize him?"

    "Tall, slim, and dark."

    "So is my aunt"
    1: Casino Royale 2: Goldeneye 3: Skyfall 4: Octopussy 5: Goldfinger 6: Tomorrow Never Dies 7: The World Is Not Enough 8: The Living Daylights 9: From Russia With Love 10: The Spy Who Loved Me
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    I've always loved the line from Goldfinger, worthy of Oscar Wilde. :))

    Goldfinger showing a horse to Bond.

    Goldfinger, " A fine animal, Mr Bond "
    Bond " Certainly better bred than the owner "

    Wonderful stuff. :))
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • Hold CommandHold Command LondonPosts: 376MI6 Agent
    "It's called a radio!"

    "Utter one more syllable and I'll have you killed"< I like this M, she softened a bit after this.
  • HigginsHiggins GermanyPosts: 16,619MI6 Agent
    MR:

    "I am looking for Dr. Goodhead"

    "You've just found her"

    "A woman?"

    "your powers for observation do you credit"
    President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.
    Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
  • always shakenalways shaken LondonPosts: 6,287MI6 Agent
    you always were a cunninglinguist James (Moneypenny to Brosnan)
    her expression is priceless, he for once is lost for a retort
    By the way, did I tell you, I was "Mad"?
  • Silhouette ManSilhouette Man The last refuge of a scoundrelPosts: 8,870MI6 Agent
    edited March 2013
    My favourite:

    Mr Kidd: "Well, Mrs Whistler did want some pictures of the canals for the children."

    Mr Wint: "How kind of you, Mr Kidd. The children will be so thrilled."

    :)) The blackest of black humour, very Tales of the Unexpected, before that TV series even existed!
    "The tough man of the world. The Secret Agent. The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).
  • Nick37Nick37 Posts: 270MI6 Agent
    MR: "The President's Suite." "Really? Don't bother showing me the rest, if I get lost, I'll call a cab."

    LALD: "You wouldn't, not after what we just did." "Well I certainly wouldn't have before...."

    "Do you think there's time for lesson #3." "Of course.....No sense going off half cocked."

    TLD: "I must have my cello!" "NO WAY" *Cut to Dalton looking p*ssed*

    Dalton mouths "DRIVE IN!" with a hand gesture. Kara looks confused. "My GOD!" mouths Dalton, with an exasperate eye roll.

    "Salt Corrosion.....Amazing this modern safety glass!" And of course, "So glad I INSISTED you brought that cello!"

    TB: "Well, you can't win 'em all."

    "Would you like a tour of Palmyra?" "Yes, indeed I would." "I thought you might."

    "So, it's your SPECTRE against mine?"

    "I'm not with you." "Oh, you soon will be."

    LTK: "Sweet dreams, Mr. Bond." "I hope you don't snore, Q."

    "Are you alright?" "SWITCH THE BLOODY MACHINE OFF!"

    "Compliments of Sharkey." (Mainly because you know he's gonna make 'ol Clive pay dearly for what he's done)

    "I'd stick to flying, if I were you!" "I got the job done!"

    "I've come to make a small deposit." "I'm sure one of my staff can..." *Bond's huge suitcase of money is brought in* "Please, sit down."

    (Butcher at the institute) "Bless your heart!"

    DAF: "I'm Plenty" "But of course you are."

    "Plenty O'Toole." "Named after your father perhaps."

    "Exceptionally fine shot." "....I didn't know there was a pool down there."

    "One of us smells like a tart's hankerchief....I'm afraid it's me, sorry about that, old boy."

    "My God! You just killed James Bond!" "Is that who that was? Well just goes to show that no one is indestructible."
    "I've had a few...Optional extras installed."
  • Sir Hillary BraySir Hillary Bray College of ArmsPosts: 2,174MI6 Agent
    DAD, when the unseen doctors are checking out the newly-released Bond: "Extensive liver damage. It's him all right."
    Hilly...you old devil!
  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,358MI6 Agent
    From Skyfall:

    "The whole office goes up and that bloody thing survives..."

    "Your interior decorating tips have always been greatly appreciated, 007" :))
    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • hehadlotsofgutshehadlotsofguts Durham England Posts: 2,112MI6 Agent
    From Dr.NO

    worker-"how did it happen?"
    Bond-"I think they were on their way to a funeral!"
    Have you ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?"

    " I don't listen to hip hop!"
  • Silhouette ManSilhouette Man The last refuge of a scoundrelPosts: 8,870MI6 Agent
    James Bond in Tomorrow Never Dies: "They'll print anything these days!" :))

    Characters in car in Live and Let Die: "I can't...I can't find the brake" [CRASH!]
    "The tough man of the world. The Secret Agent. The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).
  • hehadlotsofgutshehadlotsofguts Durham England Posts: 2,112MI6 Agent
    Pussy Galore:"My name is Pussy Galore"
    Bond: "I must be dreaming!"
    Have you ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?"

    " I don't listen to hip hop!"
  • sniperUKsniperUK UlsterPosts: 594MI6 Agent
    "I've never tasted woman before, they're quite good." Really 007??? :v
  • hehadlotsofgutshehadlotsofguts Durham England Posts: 2,112MI6 Agent
    "Same time tomorrow Mrs Bell?"
    Have you ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?"

    " I don't listen to hip hop!"
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    I do smile with Skyfall during the scene were Bond holds Patrice
    from the smashed window, asking "Who do you work for ?"
    As I can't help thinking of the scene in Austin Powers, in the
    Toilet when he's attacked and Tom Arnold in the next stall.
    Hears Powers ask "Who does Number two work for ?"
    and Tom Arnold says something about
    "Yea, you show that Tu*d who's boss " :))
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
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