The Most Hilarious Moments in the James Bond Films?
Silhouette Man
The last refuge of a scoundrelPosts: 8,871MI6 Agent
What are our favourite most hilarious moments in the fifty years of James Bond films from Dr. No to Skyfall?
Here are some of mine as a Fleming purist (we're not all dull as dishwater, y'know!):
Connery Bond saying "that would never do" to Sister Rose on the prospect of being late/keeping Dr. No waiting.
Connery Bond "I think they were on their way to a funeral" in Dr. No
Helga Brandt to Connery Bond in YOLT on the scapel, Connery "I'd rather not" (know what that is used for)!
The scene in LALD where the driver says "Leeroy, slow down!"/"Do what the man say!"/"I can't...I can't find the brake!" and then crashes his car headlong into a stationary small aeroplane. Hilarious - also another car goes sideways onto the wing of the plane. This whyole scene is rather played for laughs throughout!
The scene in LALD where Bond moves a wingless plane at some of Mr Big's goon squad and they run almost in slow motion like headless chickens. Hilarious!
Tee Hee's laugh in the fight on the train in LALD - especially when Bond cuts his steel arm - "Hee-hee-hey! Hee-hee-hey!" Priceless! Also, Tee Hee's face when his hook gets caught on the train window rail.
Tee Hee's jokes about crocodiles on Dr. Kananga's farm.
Dr Kananga firing a shark pellet into Whisper's sofa with inevitable results - all the while one can hear Whisper laugh lowly.
The scene where Jaws goes through the airport detector, flashes his steel teeth at the airport employee and the employee lets him pass only to do a few double-takes. I defy anyone not to laugh at this scene - it gets me every time! The actor was a Brazilian comedian famos on TV and in flms over there!
The scene where Jaws just accepts he's messed up in getting to Manuela and Bond and dances with the crowd in Moonraker.
Mr Kidd saying "Mrs Whistler did want some pictures of the canals for the children." after taking a photograph of a drowned Mrs Whistler fished out of the Amsted. Mr Wint replies, "How kind of you, Mr Kidd. The children will be so thrilled!" Look at Mr Wint's big grin and flat down brow in this scene. Probably the blackest piece of humour the Bond films - very Roald Dahl blackly comic.
James Bond, after he's thrown an assailant as a spanner into the works of the newspaper printing press in Tomorrow Never Dies - he quips deadpan, "They'll print anything these days!"
The scene where Moore Bond makes Jaws look up at the electromagnet in TSWLM whereupon he is magnetically attached to said electromagnet. Look at Roger Moore's face and eyes in this scene.
The scene where Karl Stromberg feeds his treacherous assistant to a shark in front of Dr Beckmann and Professor Markovic and where Stromberg says, deadpan and smiling, "Once again, gentlemen, my most profound thanks." Also, the look of the two boffins' faces when these enter the "death lift". Priceless.
The farting sound as Kananga inflates to the size of a barrage balloon and explodes in the cave roof - the most ridiculous Bond villain death ever!
Zorin gunning the miners and appearing to swear at them as he's doing it in AVTAK.
Zorin's way of laughing and his showing great enthusiasm every so often in AVTAK - a truly unhinged fruitcake, if ever there was one!
The "It's all wrapped up" scene in AVTAK microchip factory - two guards placed on box packaging conveyor belt!
Nck Nack placed in the "crow's nest" at the end of TMWTGG - the way the camera focuses in on him.
The face of the guard in the PTS of DAF after he's been hit with 3 scalpels - he looks like he has severe diarrhoea!
The face of the minor villan in the coffin in MR after Bond hits him with one of his own knives - he looks like he forgot to take his heart medicine!
M telling Q to shut up un TMWTGG on board the Queen Elizabeth liner.
M telling Miss Moneypenny in TB that "...I'll thank you not to refer to me as 'the Old Man'"
Bond dressed as a monkey checking his watch along with the others in Octopussy and Gobinda's surprused face when he sees Bond escape through the train's roof hatch and that he's not in fact decapitated him! Hilarious!
In Skyfall Bond jumping onto Tube train - "He's keen to get home!"/"Open the door!" Like Bond films of old!
Well, that's a selection of my most hilarious Bond film moments - now I'd love to hear yours.
Here are some of mine as a Fleming purist (we're not all dull as dishwater, y'know!):
Connery Bond saying "that would never do" to Sister Rose on the prospect of being late/keeping Dr. No waiting.
Connery Bond "I think they were on their way to a funeral" in Dr. No
Helga Brandt to Connery Bond in YOLT on the scapel, Connery "I'd rather not" (know what that is used for)!
The scene in LALD where the driver says "Leeroy, slow down!"/"Do what the man say!"/"I can't...I can't find the brake!" and then crashes his car headlong into a stationary small aeroplane. Hilarious - also another car goes sideways onto the wing of the plane. This whyole scene is rather played for laughs throughout!
The scene in LALD where Bond moves a wingless plane at some of Mr Big's goon squad and they run almost in slow motion like headless chickens. Hilarious!
Tee Hee's laugh in the fight on the train in LALD - especially when Bond cuts his steel arm - "Hee-hee-hey! Hee-hee-hey!" Priceless! Also, Tee Hee's face when his hook gets caught on the train window rail.
Tee Hee's jokes about crocodiles on Dr. Kananga's farm.
Dr Kananga firing a shark pellet into Whisper's sofa with inevitable results - all the while one can hear Whisper laugh lowly.
The scene where Jaws goes through the airport detector, flashes his steel teeth at the airport employee and the employee lets him pass only to do a few double-takes. I defy anyone not to laugh at this scene - it gets me every time! The actor was a Brazilian comedian famos on TV and in flms over there!
The scene where Jaws just accepts he's messed up in getting to Manuela and Bond and dances with the crowd in Moonraker.
Mr Kidd saying "Mrs Whistler did want some pictures of the canals for the children." after taking a photograph of a drowned Mrs Whistler fished out of the Amsted. Mr Wint replies, "How kind of you, Mr Kidd. The children will be so thrilled!" Look at Mr Wint's big grin and flat down brow in this scene. Probably the blackest piece of humour the Bond films - very Roald Dahl blackly comic.
James Bond, after he's thrown an assailant as a spanner into the works of the newspaper printing press in Tomorrow Never Dies - he quips deadpan, "They'll print anything these days!"
The scene where Moore Bond makes Jaws look up at the electromagnet in TSWLM whereupon he is magnetically attached to said electromagnet. Look at Roger Moore's face and eyes in this scene.
The scene where Karl Stromberg feeds his treacherous assistant to a shark in front of Dr Beckmann and Professor Markovic and where Stromberg says, deadpan and smiling, "Once again, gentlemen, my most profound thanks." Also, the look of the two boffins' faces when these enter the "death lift". Priceless.
The farting sound as Kananga inflates to the size of a barrage balloon and explodes in the cave roof - the most ridiculous Bond villain death ever!
Zorin gunning the miners and appearing to swear at them as he's doing it in AVTAK.
Zorin's way of laughing and his showing great enthusiasm every so often in AVTAK - a truly unhinged fruitcake, if ever there was one!
The "It's all wrapped up" scene in AVTAK microchip factory - two guards placed on box packaging conveyor belt!
Nck Nack placed in the "crow's nest" at the end of TMWTGG - the way the camera focuses in on him.
The face of the guard in the PTS of DAF after he's been hit with 3 scalpels - he looks like he has severe diarrhoea!
The face of the minor villan in the coffin in MR after Bond hits him with one of his own knives - he looks like he forgot to take his heart medicine!
M telling Q to shut up un TMWTGG on board the Queen Elizabeth liner.
M telling Miss Moneypenny in TB that "...I'll thank you not to refer to me as 'the Old Man'"
Bond dressed as a monkey checking his watch along with the others in Octopussy and Gobinda's surprused face when he sees Bond escape through the train's roof hatch and that he's not in fact decapitated him! Hilarious!
In Skyfall Bond jumping onto Tube train - "He's keen to get home!"/"Open the door!" Like Bond films of old!
Well, that's a selection of my most hilarious Bond film moments - now I'd love to hear yours.
"The tough man of the world. The Secret Agent. The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).
Comments
AVTAK - Bond is shooting at those guys and they're not dying and he goes "Whats this gun loaded with?" and the girl says "rock salts."
TMWTGG - Bond says "I've never killed a midget before. But there's a first time for everything."
LALD - Solitaire selecting the romance card from the deck of cards and then Bond drops the cards and they're all the same thing.
Bond throwing the flowers on Colonel Jaques Bovar's corpse.
TB-Bond's revenge on Count Lippe "Oh don't worry. I'll tell the Chef."
I also like when he knows he's got guys after him and he triggers the fire alarm. "What's that noise?" "I don't KNOW. Could it be the front door bell?" NO it most certainly could NOT."
"Q, Everything you give me...." "Is treated with equal contempt, I know!" And "Well obviously you...Swallow it." Connery's look is priceless. "....Now?"
"I'm glad I killed him." "You're glad...."
TMWTGN: "You're right, the gun is an inch off." Corrects so the gun is right at the guy's crotch
Moore in TSWLM lining up the magnet over Jaws.....Smile.....Smile....Confused look up.
"Keeping the British end up, sir."
TLD: "I must have my cello!" "NO Way!" (Cut to a pissed The Daltonater)
Bond when he's trying to get Kara to drive into the back of the plane, and she just doesn't get it. Dalton's eyeroll and "My God". Always makes me laugh. As does when she bursts through the door and covers his face while he's trying to take off in the plane. "KARA!"
LTK: No dialogue, but Bond saving the lobster after the tank gets shot out by the guard always makes me chuckle. Who else but Bond would think about putting the lobster in a tank while being shot at?
"My God, what a terrible waste...." (Dalton glares at Sharkey) "...Of money." (Dalton stops glaring)
No dialogue, but I always get a kick out of Dalton's evil smile after he's turned the truck on it's side and lands it right on the Jeep.
"Switch the BLOODY MACHINE OFF!" Uh, Pam, Bond could really use some help, dear.
Pam dunking the guys with cropdusting powder.
CR: "Unfortunately my parents are strict Roman Catholic, so there will be two bedrooms." "I DO so hate when religion comes between us."
QOS Mathis and his lover, or girlfriend, talking. He gets pissy about what happened in CR and she tells him to get over it, he got a villa out of it.
Deadpan...
FRWL - "Thank you Miss Moneypenny, that's all, that's all!"
GF - The idiot gangsters. "What are youse trying ta pull, Goldfingah?
TB - "Seems rather difficult...no it isn't, is it."
YOLT - "Sadanayama-sama?"
OHMSS - Ruby's look of effort as she writes her room number on Bond's leg. Looks a lot like she's reaching for something else!
DAF - "I gotta bruddah!" Connery's look is classic.
LALD - Lots of people hate him, but I love Pepper in this movie. "By the power IN-vested IN me by this parish..." And the fact that the state troopers are familiar enough with him to mock him about his "new carboat". Great call by SILHOUETTE MAN about the "can't find the brake" sequence.
TMWTGG - M telling Q to shut up twice in the same scene.
TSWLM - Bond telling Anya, "Now, don't be a bother to Naomi, darling" and the withering look he gets back.
MR - The gas mask sequence. For me, one of the most laugh-out-loud moments in the series.
FYEO - Carole Bouquet actually breaking character and laughing when Rog says, "Love a drive in the country, don't you?"
OP - "A nose, not a banana, Q." "Oops!"
AVTAK - The taped dialogue of St. John-Smythe abusing Tibbett.
TLD - "Back end of horse!"
LTK - The goofy statue that startles Bond when he wakes up in Sanchez's house.
GF - Both Pierce and Isabella breaking character in the final scene.
TND - I think I am in the small minority on this, but I find Carver mocking Wei Lin's martial arts moves to be the funniest moment in the entire series.
TWINE - Bond straightening his tie underwater.
DAD - Bond knocking out the obnoxious South African guy.
CR - "Smart?" "Single"
QOS - "Can I offer an opinion? I really think you people should find a better place to meet."
SF - "Good luck with that" as the bodyguard tries to fire Bond's palmprint-recognizing Beretta.
Jaws flapping his wings to circus music= Not Funny
Jaws going through airport security = Funny. That scene alone justified his return in Moonraker.
Octopussy is a good example of trying too hard to be funny where all the gags end up being stupid. The exception being Roger saying "Fill her up please" to the lonely gas station attendent. Bond humor succeeds when it is a bit more subtle.
I don't find any Bond movie to be hilarious, but to quote Max Zorin, "You amuse me Mr. Bond"
A View to a Kill provides me with seemingly endless amusement despite a notable absence of gags:
The old-school orange snowmachines with the big red soviet star painted on the sides are so cute.
The improvised snowboard session.
The iceberg submarine with union jack hatch.
Moneypenny, Q, and Bond all dressed up for a day at the races.
The french detective's lame joke about butterfly collection and Roger's polite half-hearted smile.
The rapid rate at which his blue taxi was demolished.
Tibbett lugging the bags up the stairs.
Tibbett splashing the Rolls Royce with a bucket of water.
Bad guys getting up after being hit with rock salt.
Roger trying hard not to break the urn of ashes during the fight.
Stacy's little Apple computer is just adorable! Way cooler than Skyfall's Sony VIAO laptops.
The dials on the waterpump peaking out when the KBG agent is killed in the propeller.
Bond being issued a hard hat before entering Zorin's mine. This would be echoed in TWINE when Brosnan is posing as the Russian scientist.
Stacy wearing a heavily tailored grey Zorin uniform. "Pity you couldn't find one that fits"
Anyway...I could go on and on about AVTAK and have already done so on numerous occasions.
Connery and Dalton aren't really known for their humor but a couple scenes that come to mind are:
Sean's funniest moment was in TB when he hands Fiona a pair of slippers instead of a bath robe.
Tim's funniest moments were in the Aston Martin snow chase. "Salt corrosion" and "We have nothing to declare" I also really like his line about being a "Problem Eliminator" which even got a laugh out of Sanchez.
1. GE 2. MR 3. OP 4. TMWTGG 5. TSWLM 6. TND 7. TWINE 8.DN 9. GF 10. AVTAK
a few comments:
"A Nose, not a banana was in FYEO identigraph scene. Not Octopussy.
Is it St. John-Smythe or Singeon Smythe ? I always thought it was Singeon.
What do you mean by breaking character at the end of Goldeneye?
I don't recall Dalton saving a lobster. I guess I'll have to rewatch LTK.
Zorin cussing while opening fire? hmm don't recall. I do love how he says "Right on schedule!"
1. GE 2. MR 3. OP 4. TMWTGG 5. TSWLM 6. TND 7. TWINE 8.DN 9. GF 10. AVTAK
But we all know what happened after that initial shock in the Director's cut....
That poor freaky-looking fish. Not even Dario and Krest went out as badly as that creepy fish....
Roger Moore in TMWTGG! Taking Mary Goodnight to bed, then quickly putting her in the closet, shagging the villians girl while Mary Goodnight had to stay in the closet the entire night... Then telling her the next morning that she doesn't need to worry... "Her turn will come
Sean Connery was great on the humor front as well.. "She's just dead" in TB or the sarcastic comment in You Only Live Twice.. "You wouldn't touch that horrible girl would you?" - "Oh, heaven forbid!"
Robert Davi had some great humoristic lines in LTK as well... When his henchman comes up to him to inform him about Bond being a former secret agent:
"You are not going to believe who this guy is!"
Davi's sarcastic face after that line as if he is thinking this through is priceless...
"Former- Brittish agent..."
"How did you know?"
"'Cause I know things.."
And of course his brilliant "Launder it" line..
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1. GoldenEye 2. Goldfinger 3. Skyfall 4. OHMSS 5. TWINE
Unintentionally funny moment in that film has to be the poker sequence. I've been playing hold'em since 2003, and I gotta say, it's as bad a sequence as the last hand in "Maverick". I love the film, but I hate the poker.
Bet 500k. Raise 1M. Raise 2M. ALL IN! What the fu.....?
And when Bond returns to the game, the Blinds are already 500k and 1 million, if I remember correctly. So the two guys sitting on 6 million and 5 million after the flop don't make any sense. Their hands are easily all-in preflop hands with that low amount of chips.
The other thing that gets me. When Bond is all-in with the FH against LeChiffre's quads, I hate that they both shove their chips in a pile into the center of the table. In a game like that, the dealer would count down the stacks. If I'm trying to bust LeChiffre and I lost, I'd damn well want to make sure he had more chips than I did before getting up from the table.
Same with LeChiffre at the end. He doesn't wait to see if Bond had more chips than he did, he just gets up and sulks off. Again, odd behavior for someone basically playing for his life! LOL
LeChiffre would never be a winner anyway, with a tell that bad. LOL.
"Kara, we're inside a Russian airbase in the middle of Afghanistan."
Also quite liked the 'teachers on sabbatical winning the lottery' line at the Bolovian Hotel.
Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
I think that's the funniest moment in the entire series, the whole scene is brilliant - from the way Bond says "He...llo" when he opens the door to the bathroom, and then calmly sits in the chair, too the look on Fiona's face when he hands her the slippers.
The dry dialogue is always the best.
In CR: "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises" - always cracks me up, in fact that whole train sequence dialogue is excllent, along with "... and you're Miss Stephanie Broadchest..." moments later in the taxi.
Though I also think some of the more obvious humour is funny, such as in Goldeneye: "Don't touch that!... that's my lunch"
Some of the visual moments are hilarious too, such as in Diamonds Are Forever when Sean breaks into the Whyte House, drops through the skylight, straight onto Blofeld's toilet... and the look Sean gives Willard Whyte after after Bert Saxby has just been shot, and Whyte says "Bert Saxby? Tell him he's fired!"
Yes, it's James St. John-Smythe - pronounced as James Sin-jin Smythe. It's like UK Prime Minister (1963-1964) Sir Alec Douglas-Home being pronounced as Sir Alec Douglas-Hume, I suppose!
On Zorin swearing - he mouths words as he fires at the miners near the end of the sequence - the film was PG after all. Have a look out for it next time you put AVTAK in the DVD player - the Walken Zorin performance has nearly as many subtleties as that by Javier Bardem as Raoul Silva in the recent Skyfall.
LALD
'Names are for tombstones baby'!
'It's like following a cueball'
'For $20 I'd take you to a Ku Klux Klan cookout'
'Bourbon on the Water...no ice.' 'That's extra man'
'Butterhook'
'I could have shot you' 'You might even have killed me if you'd taken off the safety catch'
'I had a nasty turn in a booth once'
* As the planes approaching the closing doors * 'Ohhh shitttt'
SF
'Oh good. There's a train coming'
'Exploding pens? We don't really go in for that any more'
'What do you see?' 'A bloody big ship'
'He must be keen to get home'
The look on the tube drivers face when Bond is clinging to the outside
* Eve takes out the mirror on her jeep * 'Don't worry you weren't using it anyway'
' Welcome to Scotland! '
'Jumped up little sh*t'
Q's panic when he discovers Silva has escaped makes me chuckle too for some reason!
Bond getting knocked out by Tee Hee mid-sentence
Bond getting knocked out by Gobinda
Bond checking his watch whilst dressed in the monkey suit (OP)
And finally, what this guy said...
1 - Moore, 2 - Dalton, 3 - Craig, 4 - Connery, 5 - Brosnan, 6 - Lazenby
in QOS, makes me laugh every time.
Bond: Who are you?
PG: My name is Pussy Galore.
Bond: ...I must be dreaming.
I always loved the self aware humor of that moment, and how it calls attention to the absurd names of the women. I mean, with Pussy Galore it's reached a point of self parody.
And though it's not a Bond film, the episode of The Simpsons where there is a picture of Sean Connery signed by Rodger Moore in the comic shop has always cracked me up.
http://www.amazon.com/Cannon-Fodder-Secret-Lives-Henchmen/dp/0988669803
Or for the UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cannon-Fodder-Secret-Lives-Henchmen/dp/0988669803/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1361569964&sr=8-2
Bond in the books had a droll humor, and Terence Young for my money was the one who did it just right. Remember, the "three blind mice" killers in Dr. No (book as well as movie) were using a hearse (that's what they spirited Strangways away with). So the "I think they were going to a funeral" really is a double entendre of the first caliber.
FRWL has just a few more, but they're so understated you might not think them "humor" intended at the audience.
[being issued that standard field agent briefcase] "Well, that's a nice little Christmas present"
"Here, you'd better let me take care of this [filthy stuff]."
[after Grant discloses he'd saved Bond's life in the gypsy camp battle] "I'm ... much obliged."
"I have had a particularly fascinating life, would you like to hear about it? ... You would?!" (RIP, Pedro, you were a star)
"Can you swim? ... This just isn't your day, is it?"
By GOLDFINGER, they started layering it on thick, and in THUNDERBALL, the same.
I like the sparsity of the humor in CR and SF. "Not exactly Christmas, is it?" (Anyone else get that reference to FRWL?
“It reads better than it lives.” T. Case
1. GE 2. MR 3. OP 4. TMWTGG 5. TSWLM 6. TND 7. TWINE 8.DN 9. GF 10. AVTAK