Carry On Skyfall
Napoleon Plural
LondonPosts: 10,484MI6 Agent
It had to happen.
Skyfall is the first Bond film where I started to itch for the return of the Carry On team, they would have made mincemeat of it. I think it was the scene where Silva makes his entrance with a long, boring soliliquay about rats or something. You half expect Bond to say, 'Is this going to take long?'
So, without further ado, who would we cast?
1) Sid James as James Bond
Obvious really, though to be fair I'm not sure that ol' Sid was quite as craggy as Craig.
2) Frankie Howerd as Silva
'Ooh, no, now stop it!' Known for his ratty wig, camp manner and never ending monologues, he's a shoe-in as Bond's flamboyant nemesis. Just as Howerd seemed slightly apart from the Carry On team, so Silva seems to occupy a different movie.
'Ooh, all this running around, I'm quite winded!'
3) Barbara Windsor as Eve Moneypenny
Known for the did they-didn't they supposed off camera affair with Bond, I mean Sid.
"Oooh sir, I'm awfully sorry I shot you!" Turns around, hand over nose, sniggering.
Bond: 'You stupid nit!'
4) Jim Dale as Q
If we had a young Charles Hawtrey, he'd be the man, but instead we're going for the young bumbler on the block. 'Oops, erm, I seem to have uploaded the villain's virus onto the MI6 mainframe, Om am most terribly sorry.'
5) Joan Sims as M
"James Boggle, if you think you're taking me all the way to Scotland in that old rust bucket, with that suspension an' all, you can simply turn right round and take me back again!'
And, the venomous:
'Where the hell have you been?'
Oh no, hang on, that was actually in the film.
6) Hattie Jacques as Severine
Plenty of scope for jokes like, 'Well, it was easier to hit her than the whisky, let's put it that way...' and 'Maybe I should have made it a double'. Not to mention 'I think we're going to need a bigger shower...'
7) Kenneth Williams as Mallory
The cold fish who turns out to be a decent sort, gets to say to Bond in the next film, 'Ooh, no, stop messing about!'
8) Roy Castle as Silva's henchman
Mainly because no one remembers much about him.
'Elevation's what I need, when I'm falling from a skyscraper, yeah!'
9) Terry Scott as Tanner
Highlight being his puffed up exasperation as M goes on and on and on reciting poetry during the tribunal hearing. 'Good god woman, can't you put a stop to it!'
10) Charles Hawtrey as Kircade
Not a physical match, but excels at the 'Oooh, hello, can't say I've been expecting you...' tack, not to mention the passive aggressive 'Ooh I am sorry, it seems I've sold all your guns' approach. Daft enough to wave a flashlight about on the moors.
Skyfall is the first Bond film where I started to itch for the return of the Carry On team, they would have made mincemeat of it. I think it was the scene where Silva makes his entrance with a long, boring soliliquay about rats or something. You half expect Bond to say, 'Is this going to take long?'
So, without further ado, who would we cast?
1) Sid James as James Bond
Obvious really, though to be fair I'm not sure that ol' Sid was quite as craggy as Craig.
2) Frankie Howerd as Silva
'Ooh, no, now stop it!' Known for his ratty wig, camp manner and never ending monologues, he's a shoe-in as Bond's flamboyant nemesis. Just as Howerd seemed slightly apart from the Carry On team, so Silva seems to occupy a different movie.
'Ooh, all this running around, I'm quite winded!'
3) Barbara Windsor as Eve Moneypenny
Known for the did they-didn't they supposed off camera affair with Bond, I mean Sid.
"Oooh sir, I'm awfully sorry I shot you!" Turns around, hand over nose, sniggering.
Bond: 'You stupid nit!'
4) Jim Dale as Q
If we had a young Charles Hawtrey, he'd be the man, but instead we're going for the young bumbler on the block. 'Oops, erm, I seem to have uploaded the villain's virus onto the MI6 mainframe, Om am most terribly sorry.'
5) Joan Sims as M
"James Boggle, if you think you're taking me all the way to Scotland in that old rust bucket, with that suspension an' all, you can simply turn right round and take me back again!'
And, the venomous:
'Where the hell have you been?'
Oh no, hang on, that was actually in the film.
6) Hattie Jacques as Severine
Plenty of scope for jokes like, 'Well, it was easier to hit her than the whisky, let's put it that way...' and 'Maybe I should have made it a double'. Not to mention 'I think we're going to need a bigger shower...'
7) Kenneth Williams as Mallory
The cold fish who turns out to be a decent sort, gets to say to Bond in the next film, 'Ooh, no, stop messing about!'
8) Roy Castle as Silva's henchman
Mainly because no one remembers much about him.
'Elevation's what I need, when I'm falling from a skyscraper, yeah!'
9) Terry Scott as Tanner
Highlight being his puffed up exasperation as M goes on and on and on reciting poetry during the tribunal hearing. 'Good god woman, can't you put a stop to it!'
10) Charles Hawtrey as Kircade
Not a physical match, but excels at the 'Oooh, hello, can't say I've been expecting you...' tack, not to mention the passive aggressive 'Ooh I am sorry, it seems I've sold all your guns' approach. Daft enough to wave a flashlight about on the moors.
"This is where we leave you Mr Bond."
Roger Moore 1927-2017
Roger Moore 1927-2017
Comments
You'd better go have a lie down
Bloody funny though -{
Brilliant Post. NP -{
I'd only add Bernard Bresslaw at Patrice: "I'm sorry Sid, uhhh I mean James, uhh the hard drive's gone all floppy"
Best post ive read on here for a long time.
I can just vision seeing that lot doing it!!!
Man I miss them, big part of my childhood!!!!
-{
Carry On Living.
Nap, we need to talk!
Roger Moore 1927-2017
Oh, that's great stuff, just clicked on it! Yeah, except when it says was one of the best Bond films based on a Carry On film? I mean, TLD one of the best?
Roger Moore 1927-2017
Ooh, what an enormous gun! - You should see what I do with the radio!
Silva - "And now...The Prologue"
I missed this until now. What a hoot! Francis Howard as Silva is truly inspired.