Wierd-Al Style Food Parodies

Absolutely_Cart

Yall got a kick out of my post on the "Connery is a fatass" thread, so this thread is dedicated to rewriting the lyrics of the Bond songs, but with food.

You Know My Weight

If you take too many free donuts, you know what you'll get
Odds are your doctor won't like what it is
When I get fat, would my wife wanna be seen with me?
By merciless Atkins I've been decieved

I've seen people's bellies wider than their height
But you are nothing so divine
Just eat cake and wiiiiiiine!

Scarf yourself because no one else will feed you
The nutrition labels will betray you - fat will overtake you
And all that junk food will never fulfill you
It longs to kill you - are you willing to die
The clumpiest fat clogs through my veins
You know my weight!!

If you come inside this buffet, it won't be the same
When you return home at night
If you think you're fit, you've never seen the scale change
Obesity is the game we're playing

I've seen plates cleared by the fatter men
Than you yourself but if you must pretend
Your belly will disteeeend!

Scarf yourself because no one else will feed you
The nutrition labels will betray you - fat will overtake you
And all that junk food will never fulfill you
It longs to kill you - are you willing to die
The clumpiest fat clogs through my veins
You know my weight!!

You know my weight!!
You know my weight!!
You know my weight!!
You know my weight!!

James Suzuki

I do know that Weird Al had written a Parody of Cartney's LIve and Let Die, called chicken Pot Pie. However Paul's a vegetarian, and didn't like the song. )

Absolutely_Cart

Another Way to Fry

Another food joint with chicken fingers for her fatter neice
Another one with a hungry tongue - veggie poison fantasies
Another bill from a waiter, turned a feast to a tragedy

Yeah! Buffet doors open - a woman walked by
A drop of oil, as I looked at her fries
A phone on the table - 911 operator on the side
If cheese burgers you think you can trust
It's just another way to fry!

Another tricky little bun with Cinnamon syrup
That will never see the sun shine
Another inch of your life sacrificed by Burger King - in the nick of time
Another dirty money, sent from hungry fatties eating on a dime

Another girl with her finger on the nuggets
Ronald's singing to you what you wanna hear
Another lawsuit thrown down in surrender - took away your beer
Another man standing there looking at how fat he got in the mirror

Yeah! Buffet doors open - a woman walked by
A drop of oil, as I looked at her fries
A phone on the table - 911 operator on the side
If cheese burgers you think you can trust
It's just another way to fry!

Just another way to fry!
Hey! Yeah!
Just another way to fry!

Absolutely_Cart

Insulin Fall

This is the end
Hold your breath and count to ten
Feel your belly jiggle and then
Hear my heart burst again

For this is the end
I've drowned in fat for this moment
McDonald's, I owe them
This cake I ate is stolen

Let the insulin fall
Cookies crumble!
We will sit down
And eat it all
Together!

Insulin fall is where heart attacks start
Thousands of McDonalds' apart
Where our arteries clog and days are dark
You may have my salad
You can take my carrots
But you'll never have my tart!

Let the insulin fall
Cookies crumble!
We will sit down
And eat it all
Together!

Where you eat I eat
What you see I see
I know I'd never be skinny
Without the security
Of your loving Atkins
To keep me from fattenin'
Put your food in my hand
And we'll stand!

Let the insulin fall
Cookies crumble!
We will sit down
And eat it all
Together!

James Suzuki

Where do you think of this sorta stuff, bro?
{[]

Absolutely_Cart

I wanted to do For Your Fries Only but I realized I was parodying the Blondie version and not the Sheena Easton version.

It's a shame because the song began with "I see you behind my shoulder - I'm trying to read". I could've spun that into "I'm trying to eat" and make it a story about a guy who tries to steal a woman's fries.

Absolutely_Cart

Meatball (parody of Thunderball)

He always sits while others walk
He stuffs his face while other men talk
He looks at the menu, and wants it all
And hunger strikes! MEEEAAATTBALLL!!

McDonald's is the meaning of success
His hunger is more so the other eat less
They call him the winner who eats all
Then hunger strikes! MEEEAATTBALLL!!

Any dessert he wants, he'll get
He'll break any scale without regret
His days of fasting are all gone
His fight with the bulge goes on and on
But he thinks this spaghetti is worth it all
So, hunger strikes! MEEEAATBALLL!!

Absolutely_Cart

James Suzuki wrote:

Where do you think of this sorta stuff, bro?
{[]

I used to write a lot of rap songs in high school, and I wrote a lot of poems in college. So, words just flow naturally for me.

Absolutely_Cart

Never Say "Lose Weight" Again

I walk in a room,
A woman sees my belly
Looks are not a guarentee
But I haven't got laid in weeks
Cuz my stomach has grown
But the more I hear
Forget about her plans
This fat man has his own

Got mixed up with a society who said lose weight
It's really hard work, but then
This fat woman might date me
And make me never say "lose weight" again

Never, never say "lose weight" again
Never, never say "lose weight" again
Never, never say "lose weight" again
Never, never say "lose weight" again

I've got all the moves
But, baby, I'm so fat I moo
No matter my personality or mood
For me, you won't come through
The touch of your voice
The feel of your eyes on me
But my weight leaves you no choice
Though I know there's health risks there
I don't care - Just let it be

To get it down with a man who never loses weight
Might not have a future, but then
You could just be the woman to reach me
And teach me to never say "lose weight" again

I'll beg you (for food).
I'll get you (nude).
I'll take you (to McDonalds).
I'll make you (fat too).

Absolutely_Cart

You Only Exercised Twice

You only exercised twice - or so it seems
One exercise for real - the other in your dreams

You drift through the years with weight gain
Till one letter appears - and Jenny Craig is its name

Fitness is a stranger that will cheer you on
Think of the health dangers or the workout is done

This boston kreme is for you - Now pay the price
I hope your resolution comes true
But you only exercised twice

Absolutely_Cart

All The Time High

All I wanted was a snack, but I've been eating for an hour or two
Had no intentions eating the things I ate for fun
Funny how it always goes with food - When you don't look, I get high
The munchies aren't so kind - I can't move, for one

We're all the time high
I'll eat like I never ate before
I like eating so much more than love
We're all the time high,
We'll take the hotdog challenge and win
So hold on tight ; let the food fight begin

I don't want to waste a single pastry ; I don't want to sleep
I'm breathing so strong and deep - and so are you
In my time I've said these words before - but now I realize
My heart is beating and I'm high - for you that's true too

So hold on tight ; let the food fight begin
We're all the time high

Absolutely_Cart

Like Suzuki mentioned above, Wierd Al did do a parody of Live and Let Die. It was genius. Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZ-VHKQ0bsY

Now, my turn.

Live and Lets Eat

When you were young and your stomach was an open pit
You used to say you loved fast food
You know you did
You know you did
You know you did
But in this ever changing world in which we're living
Gluten free makes me scream...
Say live and let's eat!!

Live and let's eat!!
Live and let's eat!!
Live and let's eat!!
Live and let's eat!!

What does it matter to ya
You got a fitness plan, do tell
I know you're doing it well
But for this fellow, it's hell

Live and let's eat!!
Live and let's eat!!
Live and let's eat!!
Live and let's eat!!

Absolutely_Cart

The Buffet Is Not Enough

I know how to eat
I know how to drink
I know that I'm fat
Don't care what you think
I know when to talk
And I know when to chew
No one will die from eating some franks

The BUFFET is not enough
But it is such a perfect place to EAT...my love
And if you're STARVING enough
Together we can CLEAN IT OUT...my love

People like us
Know how to feast
There's no point in living
If you can't have some quiche
We know when to engorge
But not when to stop
Either we'll eat it all
Or our bellies will pop

The BUFFET is not enough
But it is such a perfect place to EAT...my love
And if you're STARVING enough
Together we can CLEAN IT OUT...my love

I feel full
I feel hungry
I feel ready
And yet under-fed

The BUFFET is not enough
But it is such a perfect place to EAT...my love
And if you're STARVING enough
Together we can CLEAN IT OUT...my love

Absolutely_Cart

Junk Food Never Dies

Darling, I'm stuffed
Grease puddle on the floor,
Waiting for your return

Oh, what a thrill,
Festivations galore,
How you tease
How you leave me to fatten.
Chips are so deadly, my dear,
But the fat goes straight to my rear

Until that day
Until Hostess falls away
Until you say there'll be no more good pies
I see it in your fries
Junk food never dies

Ronald, you've won,
It's no fun,
Big Macs with sesame buns
It's murder on our weight loss affair
But you bet your life, every night
While you're chasing new profits in sight
You're not the only food joint out there.
Candy's so deadly, my dear
I feel like a heart attack is near

Until that day
Until Hostess falls away
Until you say there'll be no more good pies
I see it in your fries
Junk food never dies

Absolutely_Cart

Diet Another Day

Should I eat this - yes or no
Or maybe I'll have some part of it
I'm gonna keep my cheat meal secret
I'm gonna close my mouth right now

I guess I'll diet another day
I guess I'll diet another day
Another day!
Another day!

Ronald McDonald!
Super-size this!
Super-size this!
Super-size this!

I'm gonna break the cycle
I'm gonna shake up some whey and milk
I'm gonna destroy my Twinkie reserves
I'm gonna put my ****ing fork down

I think I'll find another way
There's so much food to eat
I guess I'll diet another day
It's not my time to lose weight

For every sin, I'll have to weigh
McDonald's Playhouse - i want to play
I think I'll find another way
It's not my time to go

I'm gonna avoid the crem brulee
I'm gonna suspend my senses
I'm gonna delay my pleasure
I'm gonna close my mouth now

I guess I'll diet another day
I guess I'll diet another day
Another day!
Another day!

It's not my time to go!

Absolutely_Cart

Man with the Golden Twinkie

He has a powerful weapon
He charges $1.90 a box
An assassin that makes sure you're not skinny
The man with the golden Twinkie

Lurking in some darkened 7/11
Or snuck in a vending machine somewhere
In France, Tokyo, or even Helsinki
The man with the golden Twinkie

Obesity's required whenever he's hired
It comes just before the heart attack
No-one can miss him
No fat man can resist him
For his pervasive marketing skills

One golden stick means another poor victim
Has come to a fattening end
For a price, he'll even get kinky
The man with the golden Twinkie

Absolutely_Cart

This song is about a woman who has a fetish for fat men like Sean Connery.

Nobody's Butt Is Fatter

Nobody's butt is fatter
Makes me feel jealous of the rest
Nobody weights half as much as you
Baby, you got breasts.

I wasn't lookin', but no one could miss you
I tried to hide from your hunger fits
Like heaven above me, you're so huge
Baby, you got tits

And nobody's butt is fatter
Sometimes I wish that weren't true
Nobody does it quite the way you do
Why'd you have to eat all that fondue?

The way that you hold me when you're inside me
There's like 20 gallons of sweat inside you
That keeps me from running, but I keep on ...
How'd you learn to do the things you do?

Baby, you've got breasts

Thunderpussy

{[] Some brilliant songs. Absolutely - Cart )

AlphaOmegaSin

Brilliant )

Absolutely_Cart

Thanks guys. This next song is dedicated to the misty eyed Tim Dalton fan club and higgins.

Thanksgiving Delights

Turkey day.
Makes my hunger fade awayyyy
Oooooooohhhhh
Thanksgiving Delights...
Oooooooohhhhh
Thanksgiving Delights

Come the morning and the hang over fades away
Aunt mabe's cookin is fat but McDonalds they blame
I've been waiting so long for one of us to say
Lets eat yams and potatoes till the turkeys baked

The dinners burned and its a rainy day
I always wanted to order pizza anyway
Papa Johns slices make my hunger fade awayyyyy

Oooooooooohhhhh!
Thanksgiving Delights

Absolutely_Cart

Here's my next parody: For Your Fries Only.

Except this time, it's all audio. I'm singing it.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0xOcZreaDyT

Absolutely_Cart

I'll post up the lyrics

For Your Fries Only

For Your Fries Only
Go to Burger King at night
For Your Fries Only
Where does the ketchup hide
You can see so much of me
You haven't seen that's new
Never felt fat
Till I cooked with you

For Your Fries Only
Only for you
You eat what no one else can eat
Makes me feel obese
For Your Fries Only
Only for you
The grub you know you need in me
The fantasy of you feeding me
Only for you
Only for you

For your fries only
The night shift never gets old
You lecture me about calories
Like I do not know
Maybe I'm a horrible cook
Because I want burgers and fries
But you won't need to eat your greens anytime

For Your Fries Only
Only for you
My butt cheeks are colliding in me
Burger King showed another side of me
For your fries only...

Thunderpussy

) You have a talent for Parody AC, and a very nice singing voice too. {[]

always shaken

Golden (eye) Arches , Macdonalds corporate logo

See the menu upon the wall,
see the menu ,he wants it all
see him que up in the drive through
I can feel his breath on the intercom too,
Golden arches beckons him in
Golden arches is where youll find him
a solid quarter pounder is what he needs.
fries and a coke and a apple pie too,
(I must pass the batton over to some one more musical) )

Thunderpussy

) ) )

always shaken

always shaken wrote:

Golden (eye) Arches , Macdonalds corporate logo

See the menu upon the wall,
see the menu ,he wants it all
see him que up in the drive through
I can feel his breath on the intercom too,
Golden arches beckons him in
Golden arches is where youll find him
a solid quarter pounder is what he needs.
fries and a coke and a apple pie too,
(I must pass the batton over to some one more musical) )

wait theres more

see his reflection in the counter
a quarter pounder is what hes after
see him ask for the value meal
one more Mcrib and he ll be ill
its a golden arches
its a golden arches

002

Eee! It's quite fun, this, in't it?

CHUNDER CALL

He takes the challenge while on the grog;
He sculls while other men just gawk.
They call him the legend who knocks back it all;
Until it strikes: the Chunder call!

He begins leaning into egress;
His glass holds more but he pauses less.
He refills his glass and drinks it all;
Then it strikes: the Chunder call!

Any toilet he vomits, he'll get;
‘Til he falls: breaks the bowl of it with his head.

His days of lashing should be all gone;
But his lash goes on, and on, and on.
‘Cos he thinks that the booze is worth it all;
Until it strikes: the Chunder call!

Absolutely_Cart

I looked chunder. It means sick. Calling in sick during a hangover. And it rhymes perfectly with Thunderball. Brilliant song 002.

Absolutely_Cart

Thunderpussy wrote:

) You have a talent for Parody AC, and a very nice singing voice too. {[]

Thanks lol. But it only reaches as far as Connery is fat jokes, unfortunately. hahaha.

Thunderpussy

Hey, Talent is talent. Even if it's only on a specialist subject.

Absolutely_Cart

Golden Fries

See your reflection in the mirror
All that fatness will be your death
When he walks he casts a shadow
That will cover the Earth to it's edge

Golden Fries - I found his weakness
Golden Fries - He'll eat as he pleases
Golden Fries - No time for sweets, kid
But a stroke will bring him to his knees

(And I said...)
You'll never know how I fed you
in McDonald's as a child
(And he said...)
You'll never know how it feels to be the one
with a fat behind

You'll never know, the plates I've tried
the sweat, the sweat I've supplied
But now my arteries are clogged
And time, time is not on my side

(And he said...)
I can barely move, and my death is nearer
They can feel my presence in the crowd
(And I said...)
All the doctors would gather around him
If I still had him, I would be feeding him now

Golden Fries - No carrots or lettuce
Come to us - we got a wifi hot spot
Golden Fries - we'll addict him forever
It'll take forever to see
Your body rot!