Could do an Irish joke ( it's not racist, if I do it ) about travelling to the new exciting world of .....
The outer Hebrides ! All the tales of the bright lights, night life and how the streets are paved with gold.
Only to find d out the streets are paved with Cod, from the fish mines there.
) ) )
Although we used the Outer Hebrides in Raker of Moons as a substitute for Outer Space.
...getting sidetracked here. Can we either do a scene with Boris & Natalya before Ouromov enters, or ignore it and carry on with Sir James meeting Wade?
They are working as scribes in an isolated monastry in the artic where the worm are tested on the parchment. That way the bookworm can't escape and eat the books in mainland Europe.
Onatopp and Oromov show up and steal the worms.
This way the banter scene works fine. The bookworms eat parchment with ink on it. Boris makes illuminations (illustrations) with hidden obceneties in them, and Natalya trives to spot them. A paralell to the saucy passwords.
Below is a basic version of the scene, please do the usual!
Act 2, Scene 5. A monastery on an island, very far north.
Sister Anna: Come, Natalya, give unto me yonder packet of worm food.
Natalya: Most surely. Hm, ye worms seem hungry today.
Sister Anna: ‘Tis not surprising, Boris hath forgotten to feed them again, Ah, nay, here he cometh now. (Enter Brother Boris.)
Brother Boris: Hail to thee, beloved sisters, ye both art looking more comely every day.
Sister Anna: Unlike thineself, Brother Boris, e’en more seedy dost thou grow.
Brother Boris: ‘Tis not true- I am irresistible! Natalya, look ye on mine latest parchment.
Natalya: Yet another? Very well... Boris, this ist obscene! Thou will be punished by our superiors!
Brother Boris: Ha, ne’er will they find out- they art naught but slugheads. Hark, I do hear sounds from outside as if a winged chariot hath arrived- I will go look. (Exits)
Sister Anna: Brother Boris’s departure ist timely- any departure of his ist timely. Shall I make us some tea, Natalya?
Natalya: Nay, ‘tis my turn- to ye pantry I shalt go. (Exit Natalya, enter Baron Ouromov accompanied by Countess Onatopp).
Baron Ouromov: Thou shalt give unto me Ye Gilded Eye forthwith.
Sister Anna: Nay, let this not be so.
Baron Ouromov: Then I shalt take it anyway. Onatopp? (Onatopp doth slay Anna. Ouromov takes a box from the table, and both exit. Enter Natalya, carrying tea.)
Natalya: Anna? Anna!
(We can explain more about what's going on when Ouromov answers to Mishkin)
Act 2, Scene 5. A monastery on an island, very far north.
Sister Anna: Come, Natalya, give unto me yonder packet of worm food.
Natalya: Most surely. Hm, ye worms seem hungry today. I hope we're not adding to Global Worming !
Sister Anna: ‘Tis not surprising, Boris hath forgotten to feed them again, Ah, nay, here he cometh now. (Enter Brother Boris.)
Brother Boris: Hail to thee, beloved sisters, ye both art looking more comely every day.
Sister Anna: Unlike thineself, Brother Boris, e’en more seedy dost thou grow.
Brother Boris: ‘Tis not true- I am irresistible! Natalya, look ye on mine latest parchment.
Natalya: Yet another? Very well... Boris, this ist obscene! Thou will be punished by our superiors!
Brother Boris: Ha, ne’er will they find out- they art naught but slugheads. Also the enormity of the bosoms and girth of .....other items are artistically valid. I shall hang it above thy work station, although I may need help to get it up.
Natalya: Verily we have heard that too!
Brother Boris: Hark, I do hear sounds from outside as if a winged chariot hath arrived- I will go look. (Exits)
Sister Anna: Brother Boris’s departure ist timely- any departure of his ist timely. Shall I make us some tea, Natalya?
Natalya: Nay, ‘tis my turn- to ye pantry I shalt go.
Sister Anna: Use that very, very old tea. I do hear that green tea is good for you, and it looks pretty green. (Exit Natalya, enter Baron Ouromov accompanied by Countess Onatopp).
Baron Ouromov: Thou shalt give unto me Ye Gilded Eye forthwith.
Sister Anna: Nay, let this not be so.
Baron Ouromov: Then I shalt take it anyway. Onatopp? (Onatopp doth slay Anna. Ouromov taketh a box from the table, and both exit. Enter Natalya, carrying tea.)
Natalya: Anna? Anna, ist thee wanting a biscuit ?
Sister Anna: (Aside.) Ahhhhhh ! (Dies.)
Natalya: Yes, you be'eth correct, my bodice doth get too cosy....... Oh!
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
Next we need the scene where Ouromov gives his version of what happened at the monastery to his boss, Tsar Mischkin. This is where we have to explain what the worms do.
"What do you expect the effects will be after the bookworms are release in Britain?"
"All bank notes, written laws, church books, the word of God, legends. All will disapear. We are certain all of England will collapse in a year or two without scollars, judges and priests telling them what to do. "
" Splendid. There are of cource more kingdoms than England on the British Isles. I assume the same will happen to them? "
" Not according to our calculations, sir. Wales and Ireland will hardly notice the disapearance of marriage certificates, learned books or laws. They never heeded them anyway. Marriages will become much easier without a written reccord of who is kin. Society will go on as always."
"Interesting. And Scotland?"
"Scotland will actually thrive without the written word. We belive the Scotsmen will go back to their natural state, free from the shackles of civilization."
For the first time in my life I'm actually glad Bond never visited my country. Imagined what you all would do if one of the villans had set up camp in a Norwegian fjord instead of a villan or something....
Act 3, Scene 2. A tavern.
Tsar Valentin: Thine flintlock I recognise, Sir James, two who have carried such a weapon have been slain by me.
Sir James: ‘Tis two greater than thine winged chariots, Tsar Valentin. A boon I would ask of thee.
Tsar Valentin: Thou jesteth, Naught Naught Seven, for most surely thou didst endeavour to slay me in the past.
Sir James: Nay, I did merely injure thine knee. Order thine cat to be silent and we shall speak.
It's too short by far. When I originally wrote this one, I found it particularly heavy going and compressed scenes as much as possible or omitted them altogether. The current version we're working on is much better!
What if it's an actually cat they are hearing?
Bond says: "Make think Cat silent, and we can talk."
We hear a high-pitched sound off-stage and then silence.
Valentin: "Who killed the cat? Thank you."
Tsar Valentin: Thine flintlock I recognise, Sir James, two who have carried such a weapon have been slain by me.
(A yeoman of Tsar Valentin doth disarm Sir James )
Sir James: ‘Tis two greater than thine winged chariots, Tsar Valentin. A boon I would ask of thee.
Tsar Valentin: Thou jesteth, Naught Naught Seven, for most surely thou didst endeavour to slay me in the past.
Sir James: Nay, I did merely injure thine knee, and leave the rest of you ..... unharmed. Order thine cat to be silent and we shall speak.
Tsar Valentin: Speak with respect of mine pussy! Her lips give great pleasure ..... to any ear that doth hear her most tender, soft voice from yonder window breaking.
Sir James: Good enough to break windows, eh ? Talented she be'eth, but a strange hairstyle?
Tsar Valentin: She doth hail from Brazil- now speak to me of your proposal.
Sir James: I wish to meet with the Lord Janus, which you can arrange.
(Off stage doth come a heckle )
Audience : betwixt thou to posit thy thread became a sticky and gallantly hath moved into the trivia section??
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
My most humble apology to interrupt..it betwixt thou to posit thy thread became a sticky and gallantly hath moved into the trivia section??
(Sorry to interrupt, but this thread is so popular that it probably deserves sticky status? And even then as it's drifted away from the films that it could be better suited to the trivia zone?)
It should stay in the films, but I'd be ok with it being a sticky.... if you write a scene or two, hmd?
Na, just kidding (though of course you can if you want). Any thoughts on this being made a sticky, guys?
Act 4, Scene 2. A graveyard.
Sir Alexander: Surprised to see me thou art, Sir James.
Sir James: I had thought thee dead, Sir Alexander, since Sean Bean doth die in every film.
Sir Alexander: Nay, Sir James, I have returned and wouldst have thee join me.
Sir James: Mine loyalty ist ever to mine mission, Albion and Dame Miles.
Sir Alexander: At thine wake shalt Moneypenny weep, though none other.
Then Sir James gets knocked out and awakes to find himself with Natalya in a dangerous situation (??? the winged chariot again). He saves them but they're captured by Russian soldiers.
I have no objections to it becoming a sticky, although I think it might need a tweak in the name ?
Bond, original Shakespeare, working area. ..... Something like that.
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
Sir Alexander: Surprised to see me thou art, Naught Naught Seven.
Sir James: I had thought thee dead, Sir Alexander, since Sean Bean doth die in every film.
Sir Alexander: Nay, Sir James, I have returned and wouldst have thee join me. Liketh the Olde days. The training, the drinking , the experimenting with mind altering substances, the Upping of sheep, that trip to Thailand on our gap year. That night of Dancing and the Pub Quizzes, amateur dramatics and curry nights....
Sir James: Mine loyalty ist ever to mine mission, Albion and Dame Miles.
Sir Alexander: Still Her Majesty's loyal lap dog, I see.
Sir James: Better a lap dog to a slip of a girl than a.... Knob!
Sir Alexander: At thine wake shalt Moneypenny weep, though none other
Sir James: That's where you're wrong- Dame Miles will blub her eyes out, as she says I'm her special boy! ... The best, number one, her main squeeze in espionage.
Sir Alexander: Whatever, closing time Sir James ! (Suddenly, from the shadows a figure behind Sir James doth render him unconscious.)
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
Natalya: Wake up, good sir! Wake up wake up wake up!!! (Sir James awakes to find himself bound to a beauteous wench, inside a winged chariot.)
Sir James: What..? Where...?
Natalya: Thou hast got to get us free from here! For we doth sit upon a heap of gunpowder, and ye fuse ist lit! (Sir James uses the specially-sharpened buttons the Old Wizard hast attached to his doublet to break their Bonds.)
Natalya: Hurry, we must flee! (The winged chariot explodes behind them.)
Sir James: I am he who is called Bond, James Bond. What ist thine name, beauteous wench?
Natalya: Natalya be mine name- I wast working in a monastery breeding Ye Gilded Eye worms till Baron Ouromov did steal them and kill mine friend, Anna.
Sir James: Then together we must work- but hold! (They art taken prisoner by soldiers.)
Comments
Although we used the Outer Hebrides in Raker of Moons as a substitute for Outer Space.
They could be going to The New World (America), since they had just started colonizing then.
or a library of some kind ? Any suggestions .
Onatopp and Oromov show up and steal the worms.
Act 2, Scene 5. A monastery on an island, very far north.
Sister Anna: Come, Natalya, give unto me yonder packet of worm food.
Natalya: Most surely. Hm, ye worms seem hungry today.
Sister Anna: ‘Tis not surprising, Boris hath forgotten to feed them again, Ah, nay, here he cometh now.
(Enter Brother Boris.)
Brother Boris: Hail to thee, beloved sisters, ye both art looking more comely every day.
Sister Anna: Unlike thineself, Brother Boris, e’en more seedy dost thou grow.
Brother Boris: ‘Tis not true- I am irresistible! Natalya, look ye on mine latest parchment.
Natalya: Yet another? Very well... Boris, this ist obscene! Thou will be punished by our superiors!
Brother Boris: Ha, ne’er will they find out- they art naught but slugheads. Hark, I do hear sounds from outside as if a winged chariot hath arrived- I will go look. (Exits)
Sister Anna: Brother Boris’s departure ist timely- any departure of his ist timely. Shall I make us some tea, Natalya?
Natalya: Nay, ‘tis my turn- to ye pantry I shalt go.
(Exit Natalya, enter Baron Ouromov accompanied by Countess Onatopp).
Baron Ouromov: Thou shalt give unto me Ye Gilded Eye forthwith.
Sister Anna: Nay, let this not be so.
Baron Ouromov: Then I shalt take it anyway. Onatopp?
(Onatopp doth slay Anna. Ouromov takes a box from the table, and both exit. Enter Natalya, carrying tea.)
Natalya: Anna? Anna!
(We can explain more about what's going on when Ouromov answers to Mishkin)
Sister Anna: Come, Natalya, give unto me yonder packet of worm food.
Natalya: Most surely. Hm, ye worms seem hungry today. I hope we're not adding to Global Worming !
Sister Anna: ‘Tis not surprising, Boris hath forgotten to feed them again, Ah, nay, here he cometh now.
(Enter Brother Boris.)
Brother Boris: Hail to thee, beloved sisters, ye both art looking more comely every day.
Sister Anna: Unlike thineself, Brother Boris, e’en more seedy dost thou grow.
Brother Boris: ‘Tis not true- I am irresistible! Natalya, look ye on mine latest parchment.
Natalya: Yet another? Very well... Boris, this ist obscene! Thou will be punished by our superiors!
Brother Boris: Ha, ne’er will they find out- they art naught but slugheads. Also the enormity of the bosoms and girth of .....other items are artistically valid. I shall hang it above thy work station, although I may need help to get it up.
Natalya: Verily we have heard that too!
Brother Boris: Hark, I do hear sounds from outside as if a winged chariot hath arrived- I will go look. (Exits)
Sister Anna: Brother Boris’s departure ist timely- any departure of his ist timely. Shall I make us some tea, Natalya?
Natalya: Nay, ‘tis my turn- to ye pantry I shalt go.
Sister Anna: Use that very, very old tea. I do hear that green tea is good for you, and it looks pretty green.
(Exit Natalya, enter Baron Ouromov accompanied by Countess Onatopp).
Baron Ouromov: Thou shalt give unto me Ye Gilded Eye forthwith.
Sister Anna: Nay, let this not be so.
Baron Ouromov: Then I shalt take it anyway. Onatopp?
(Onatopp doth slay Anna. Ouromov taketh a box from the table, and both exit. Enter Natalya, carrying tea.)
Natalya: Anna? Anna, ist thee wanting a biscuit ?
Sister Anna: (Aside.) Ahhhhhh ! (Dies.)
Natalya: Yes, you be'eth correct, my bodice doth get too cosy....... Oh!
Next we need the scene where Ouromov gives his version of what happened at the monastery to his boss, Tsar Mischkin. This is where we have to explain what the worms do.
"All bank notes, written laws, church books, the word of God, legends. All will disapear. We are certain all of England will collapse in a year or two without scollars, judges and priests telling them what to do. "
" Splendid. There are of cource more kingdoms than England on the British Isles. I assume the same will happen to them? "
" Not according to our calculations, sir. Wales and Ireland will hardly notice the disapearance of marriage certificates, learned books or laws. They never heeded them anyway. Marriages will become much easier without a written reccord of who is kin. Society will go on as always."
"Interesting. And Scotland?"
"Scotland will actually thrive without the written word. We belive the Scotsmen will go back to their natural state, free from the shackles of civilization."
For the first time in my life I'm actually glad Bond never visited my country. Imagined what you all would do if one of the villans had set up camp in a Norwegian fjord instead of a villan or something....
Act 3, Scene 2. A tavern.
Tsar Valentin: Thine flintlock I recognise, Sir James, two who have carried such a weapon have been slain by me.
Sir James: ‘Tis two greater than thine winged chariots, Tsar Valentin. A boon I would ask of thee.
Tsar Valentin: Thou jesteth, Naught Naught Seven, for most surely thou didst endeavour to slay me in the past.
Sir James: Nay, I did merely injure thine knee. Order thine cat to be silent and we shall speak.
It's too short by far. When I originally wrote this one, I found it particularly heavy going and compressed scenes as much as possible or omitted them altogether. The current version we're working on is much better!
Bond says: "Make think Cat silent, and we can talk."
We hear a high-pitched sound off-stage and then silence.
Valentin: "Who killed the cat? Thank you."
Tsar Valentin: Thine flintlock I recognise, Sir James, two who have carried such a weapon have been slain by me.
(A yeoman of Tsar Valentin doth disarm Sir James )
Sir James: ‘Tis two greater than thine winged chariots, Tsar Valentin. A boon I would ask of thee.
Tsar Valentin: Thou jesteth, Naught Naught Seven, for most surely thou didst endeavour to slay me in the past.
Sir James: Nay, I did merely injure thine knee, and leave the rest of you ..... unharmed. Order thine cat to be silent and we shall speak.
Tsar Valentin: Speak with respect of mine pussy! Her lips give great pleasure ..... to any ear that doth hear her most tender, soft voice from yonder window breaking.
Sir James: Good enough to break windows, eh ? Talented she be'eth, but a strange hairstyle?
Tsar Valentin: She doth hail from Brazil- now speak to me of your proposal.
Sir James: I wish to meet with the Lord Janus, which you can arrange.
(Off stage doth come a heckle )
Audience : betwixt thou to posit thy thread became a sticky and gallantly hath moved into the trivia section??
My most humble apology to interrupt..it betwixt thou to posit thy thread became a sticky and gallantly hath moved into the trivia section??
(Sorry to interrupt, but this thread is so popular that it probably deserves sticky status? And even then as it's drifted away from the films that it could be better suited to the trivia zone?)
"Better make that two."
Na, just kidding
Sir Alexander: Surprised to see me thou art, Sir James.
Sir James: I had thought thee dead, Sir Alexander, since Sean Bean doth die in every film.
Sir Alexander: Nay, Sir James, I have returned and wouldst have thee join me.
Sir James: Mine loyalty ist ever to mine mission, Albion and Dame Miles.
Sir Alexander: At thine wake shalt Moneypenny weep, though none other.
Then Sir James gets knocked out and awakes to find himself with Natalya in a dangerous situation (??? the winged chariot again). He saves them but they're captured by Russian soldiers.
Bond, original Shakespeare, working area. ..... Something like that.
Sir Alexander: Surprised to see me thou art, Naught Naught Seven.
Sir James: I had thought thee dead, Sir Alexander, since Sean Bean doth die in every film.
Sir Alexander: Nay, Sir James, I have returned and wouldst have thee join me. Liketh the Olde days. The training, the drinking , the experimenting with mind altering substances, the Upping of sheep, that trip to Thailand on our gap year. That night of Dancing and the Pub Quizzes, amateur dramatics and curry nights....
Sir James: Mine loyalty ist ever to mine mission, Albion and Dame Miles.
Sir Alexander: Still Her Majesty's loyal lap dog, I see.
Sir James: Better a lap dog to a slip of a girl than a.... Knob!
Sir Alexander: At thine wake shalt Moneypenny weep, though none other
Sir James: That's where you're wrong- Dame Miles will blub her eyes out, as she says I'm her special boy! ... The best, number one, her main squeeze in espionage.
Sir Alexander: Whatever, closing time Sir James !
(Suddenly, from the shadows a figure behind Sir James doth render him unconscious.)
Natalya: Wake up, good sir! Wake up wake up wake up!!!
(Sir James awakes to find himself bound to a beauteous wench, inside a winged chariot.)
Sir James: What..? Where...?
Natalya: Thou hast got to get us free from here! For we doth sit upon a heap of gunpowder, and ye fuse ist lit!
(Sir James uses the specially-sharpened buttons the Old Wizard hast attached to his doublet to break their Bonds.)
Natalya: Hurry, we must flee!
(The winged chariot explodes behind them.)
Sir James: I am he who is called Bond, James Bond. What ist thine name, beauteous wench?
Natalya: Natalya be mine name- I wast working in a monastery breeding Ye Gilded Eye worms till Baron Ouromov did steal them and kill mine friend, Anna.
Sir James: Then together we must work- but hold!
(They art taken prisoner by soldiers.)
Feel free....