Act 4, Scene 3. A gaol.
Tsar Mischkin: Sit, I prithee, Sir James, the manner of thine death I must consider.
Sir James: No tittle-tattle hath thee, little to pass the time of day
Tsar Mischkin: I seek ye Gilded Eye, impart to me where it shall be found.
Countess Natalya: As youngbloods at play thou art, cease forthwith!
Natalya: Wake up, good sir! Wake up wake up wake up!!! (Sir James awakes to find himself bound to a beauteous wench, inside a winged chariot.)
Sir James: What..? Where...?
Natalya: Thou hast got to get us free from here! For we doth sit upon a heap of gunpowder, and ye fuse ist lit! (Sir James uses the specially-sharpened buttons the Old Wizard hast attached to his doublet to break their Bonds.)
Natalya: Hurry, we must flee! (The winged chariot explodes behind them.)
Sir James: I am he who is called Bond, James Bond. What ist thine name, beauteous wench?
Natalya: Natalya be mine name- I wast working in a monastery breeding Ye Gilded Eye worms till Baron Ouromov did steal them and kill mine friend, Anna.
Sir James: Then together we must work- but hold! (They art taken prisoner by soldiers.)
Feel free....
When Bond starts to wake up he should say things like:
"She told me she was evigheten, I swear! "
Natalya:"Harry! Wake up now!"
"Your husband... Where?"
Natalya: Wake up, good sir! Wake up wake up wake up!!!
Sir James: (Aside, sleeping.) Yes, just there Felix, feel ..... (Sir James awakes to find himself bound back to back to a beauteous wench, inside a winged chariot.)
Sir James: ...er, ahem... ;%
Natalya: Thou hast got to get us free from here! For we doth sit upon a heap of gunpowder, and ye fuse ist lit!
Sir James: Well blow me! I always knew Sir Alexander hadeth a short fuse, would this qualify as a "blast from the past", I wonder?
Natalya: Be'eth these bad jokes needed? We need to escape!
Sir James: No need to worry, all part of Her Majesty's Secret Service training. 'Tis hard to be frightened whilst joking. Now good wench, could you reach round to grab hold of my cod piece? It doth contain a great organ.. of escape.
Natalya: Certainly not, why we hath not been formally introduced or had the six month walking out chaperoned by three members of our church before...
Sir James: I need thee to undo my special buttons down there.
Natalya: Oh, I hath heard that one before!
Sir James: Quickly, I don't have much time left....
Natalya: That too, I have heard before, then having to pretend it wasn't a disappointment... but very well, I will reach down now. (Natalya uses the specially-sharpened buttons the Old Wizard hast attached to Bond's codpiece to break their Bonds.)
Natalya: Hurry, we must flee! (The winged chariot explodes behind them.)
Sir James: I am he who is called Bond, James Bond. What ist thine name, beauteous wench?
Natalya: Natalya be mine name- I wast working in a monastery breeding Ye Gilded Eye worms till Baron Ouromov did steal them and kill mine friend, Anna.
Sir James: Then together we must work- but hold! (They art taken prisoner by soldiers.)
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
Sheep sleep lieing down. And a public service announcement: If a sheep falls over, lies on it's back and can't get back on it's feet - HELP IT BACK UP AGAIN!
Sorry for shouting, but the sheep will die in a short time if you don't help. It has to do with the internal organs.
Act 4, Scene 3. A gaol.
Tsar Mischkin: Sit, I prithee, Sir James, the manner of thine death I must consider.
Sir James: No tittle-tattle hath thee, little to pass the time of day
Tsar Mischkin: I seek ye Gilded Eye, impart to me where it shall be found.
Countess Natalya: As youngbloods at play thou art, cease forthwith!
This is all I have, I'm afraid. We need Ouromov to burst in, argue with & slay Mischkin, then James & Natalya escape. Exactly how, I don't know!
Bond and Mishkin should discuss different types of execution with an open mind. Bond offers suggestions, Mishkin considers them and rejects them for different reasons: not Russian enough, too slow, he faints at the sight of blood, too gay etc.
The methods should be ridicolous, naturally.
Bond: Will you execute us?
Mishkin: No. I'm against capital punishment - it's unfair on the Moscowites.
Bond: So it will be torture?
Mishkin: It's tradition.
Bond: The Comfy Chair?
Mishkin: Too Catholic.
Bond: Whipping, perhaps?
Mishkin: Too gay, don't you think?
Bond: Death By a Thousand Cuts is very hetrosexual.
Mishkin: No doubt, but it's slow and I can't stand the sight of blood.
Bond: That's unfortunate. Nails drawn over a blackboard is bloodless and cruel.
Tsar Mischkin: Sit, I prithee, Sir James, the manner of thine death I must consider.
Death by a group of bowmen? Removing the head from thy shoulders? Or squashed in The Iron Lady ?
Sir James: These be'eth very old fashioned and indeed whimpy ideas, if I am to die, I'll die like an Englishman. Having my Bezants bitten off by a rabid Lion, fighting a dragon, trying to kiss Dame Miles while she's having a hot flush.......
Tsar Mischkin: We could tie you to a cannon and drive it around the parade ground.
Sir James: Too lenient, in Britain only girls are tied to cannons or naughty children.
Tsar Mischkin: We could push you off a cliff!
Sir James: Been there done that!
Tsar Mischkin: Sometimes the old ways are the best, a few hours on the rack should loosen any tongue.
Sir James: Speaking of tongues, some are very talented.... Like your Mama's !
Tsar Mischkin: Enough! Tell me what you know!
Sir James: No tittle-tattle hath thee, little to pass the time of day
Tsar Mischkin: I seek ye Gilded Eye, impart to me where it shall be found.
Countess Natalya: As youngbloods at play thou art, cease forthwith!
Just seen your post N24, so here's a few of my ideas.
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
...and now what? Sir James can't steal a tank and face down a train! But they have to end up being captured by Alec and Onatopp, Ouromov must die, they get away and follow Alec to....???
I read Cathrine the Great had a horse sled the size of a windabago (spelling?) with an owen, bed and six-eight horses. If Oromov takes a small sled for two people pulled by one horse and Bond follows in Tsar Mishkin's monstrous sled it could work. Bond drives through a slege full of beer barrels very clearly marked with the brand "Bojar Beer - probably not the best beer in the world, but it's cheap!" . Bond also crashes into and destroys a statue of a shirtless rider (needs a funny comment from Bond). Outside Moscowy Bond undermines a bridge with barrels of vodka and plans to burn it down when Oromov arrives. Ouromov smells the vodka and stops just in time.
Oh! A pretty Noble woman (Mishkin's mistress?) is inside the huge sled when Bond steals it. Perhaps naked in bed? She can can be someone for Bond to talk to during the chase.
The royal sleigh was a "palace on runners! It contained a salon, library and bedroom all warmed by porcelain stoves. It had six windows and was wide enough for 8 people to pass abreast!" Sorry, I'm a history nerd
Here we go, happy to take some pointers from you learned lords
(Heading down the narrow road, the mighty statue appears closer...Baron Ouromov’s smaller sleigh managed to skirt around one side of it, the massive sleigh has no chance, as Sir James and this Russian Wench get closer…)
Sir James: Fair maiden?
Russian Wench: What is't?
Sir James: Come out of thy quarters to the fore and sitteth far to thy right as thee can!
Russian Wench: Why doth may I?
Sir James: Just do’t!! (The Russian Wench comes forward and sits just as instructed, Sir James moves to the left)
Sir James (to the horses): Neigh part! Neigh part! (The four horses on one side pull to the left, the four on the other pull to the right and begin to go around either side of the statue, the statue’s mighty sword-shaped-ram slices the stirrups between the horses and smashes perfectly through the middle of the sleigh and just between Sir James and the Russian Wench)
Sir James: That gent at each moment didst enjoy dividing! Fortune for us gent didn’t conquer thy fine sled! (Russian Wench eyes Sir James with lust, but just before the moment passes the horses pull themselves back together and the sleigh’s two parts smash against each other)
Sir James: Grab thine! (Russian Wench and Sir James lock in a functional embrace, the only thing holding the sleigh together)
Sir James: Grab thine vines! (With the stirrups, Sir James manages to whip around and connect the sleigh back in one)
Russian Wench (with a smile): I desire thou has't insurance! (Ouromov sees they’re still following and angrily sips from a small barrel contained in his garb. Sir James and Russian Wench turn around to see the statue, which falls on its own sword)
Sir James: All that glistens, d’ist not gold.
Comments
Tsar Mischkin: Sit, I prithee, Sir James, the manner of thine death I must consider.
Sir James: No tittle-tattle hath thee, little to pass the time of day
Tsar Mischkin: I seek ye Gilded Eye, impart to me where it shall be found.
Countess Natalya: As youngbloods at play thou art, cease forthwith!
Feel even freer....
When Bond starts to wake up he should say things like:
"She told me she was evigheten, I swear! "
Natalya:"Harry! Wake up now!"
"Your husband... Where?"
Sir James: (Aside, sleeping.) Yes, just there Felix, feel .....
(Sir James awakes to find himself bound back to back to a beauteous wench, inside a winged chariot.)
Sir James: ...er, ahem... ;%
Natalya: Thou hast got to get us free from here! For we doth sit upon a heap of gunpowder, and ye fuse ist lit!
Sir James: Well blow me! I always knew Sir Alexander hadeth a short fuse, would this qualify as a "blast from the past", I wonder?
Natalya: Be'eth these bad jokes needed? We need to escape!
Sir James: No need to worry, all part of Her Majesty's Secret Service training. 'Tis hard to be frightened whilst joking. Now good wench, could you reach round to grab hold of my cod piece? It doth contain a great organ.. of escape.
Natalya: Certainly not, why we hath not been formally introduced or had the six month walking out chaperoned by three members of our church before...
Sir James: I need thee to undo my special buttons down there.
Natalya: Oh, I hath heard that one before!
Sir James: Quickly, I don't have much time left....
Natalya: That too, I have heard before, then having to pretend it wasn't a disappointment... but very well, I will reach down now.
(Natalya uses the specially-sharpened buttons the Old Wizard hast attached to Bond's codpiece to break their Bonds.)
Natalya: Hurry, we must flee!
(The winged chariot explodes behind them.)
Sir James: I am he who is called Bond, James Bond. What ist thine name, beauteous wench?
Natalya: Natalya be mine name- I wast working in a monastery breeding Ye Gilded Eye worms till Baron Ouromov did steal them and kill mine friend, Anna.
Sir James: Then together we must work- but hold!
(They art taken prisoner by soldiers.)
TP, forgive my lack of knowledge of such matters- what's the Upping of sheep?
*Edit- ...and that's it fitted in, but I'm keeping where a surprise till we're finished!
probably a myth.
Sorry for shouting, but the sheep will die in a short time if you don't help. It has to do with the internal organs.
Tsar Mischkin: Sit, I prithee, Sir James, the manner of thine death I must consider.
Sir James: No tittle-tattle hath thee, little to pass the time of day
Tsar Mischkin: I seek ye Gilded Eye, impart to me where it shall be found.
Countess Natalya: As youngbloods at play thou art, cease forthwith!
This is all I have, I'm afraid. We need Ouromov to burst in, argue with & slay Mischkin, then James & Natalya escape. Exactly how, I don't know!
The methods should be ridicolous, naturally.
A young farmer knows two things:
1) He can not die.
2) Nothing turns a teenage girl on more than tipping over a sheep.
Back to the play.
Bond: Will you execute us?
Mishkin: No. I'm against capital punishment - it's unfair on the Moscowites.
Bond: So it will be torture?
Mishkin: It's tradition.
Bond: The Comfy Chair?
Mishkin: Too Catholic.
Bond: Whipping, perhaps?
Mishkin: Too gay, don't you think?
Bond: Death By a Thousand Cuts is very hetrosexual.
Mishkin: No doubt, but it's slow and I can't stand the sight of blood.
Bond: That's unfortunate. Nails drawn over a blackboard is bloodless and cruel.
Tsar Mischkin: Sit, I prithee, Sir James, the manner of thine death I must consider.
Death by a group of bowmen? Removing the head from thy shoulders? Or squashed in The Iron Lady ?
Sir James: These be'eth very old fashioned and indeed whimpy ideas, if I am to die, I'll die like an Englishman. Having my Bezants bitten off by a rabid Lion, fighting a dragon, trying to kiss Dame Miles while she's having a hot flush.......
Tsar Mischkin: We could tie you to a cannon and drive it around the parade ground.
Sir James: Too lenient, in Britain only girls are tied to cannons or naughty children.
Tsar Mischkin: We could push you off a cliff!
Sir James: Been there done that!
Tsar Mischkin: Sometimes the old ways are the best, a few hours on the rack should loosen any tongue.
Sir James: Speaking of tongues, some are very talented.... Like your Mama's !
Tsar Mischkin: Enough! Tell me what you know!
Sir James: No tittle-tattle hath thee, little to pass the time of day
Tsar Mischkin: I seek ye Gilded Eye, impart to me where it shall be found.
Countess Natalya: As youngbloods at play thou art, cease forthwith!
Just seen your post N24, so here's a few of my ideas.
See http://www.ajb007.co.uk/post/867481/#p867481
...and now what? Sir James can't steal a tank and face down a train! But they have to end up being captured by Alec and Onatopp, Ouromov must die, they get away and follow Alec to....???
I read Cathrine the Great had a horse sled the size of a windabago (spelling?) with an owen, bed and six-eight horses. If Oromov takes a small sled for two people pulled by one horse and Bond follows in Tsar Mishkin's monstrous sled it could work. Bond drives through a slege full of beer barrels very clearly marked with the brand "Bojar Beer - probably not the best beer in the world, but it's cheap!" . Bond also crashes into and destroys a statue of a shirtless rider (needs a funny comment from Bond). Outside Moscowy Bond undermines a bridge with barrels of vodka and plans to burn it down when Oromov arrives. Ouromov smells the vodka and stops just in time.
(Heading down the narrow road, the mighty statue appears closer...Baron Ouromov’s smaller sleigh managed to skirt around one side of it, the massive sleigh has no chance, as Sir James and this Russian Wench get closer…)
Sir James: Fair maiden?
Russian Wench: What is't?
Sir James: Come out of thy quarters to the fore and sitteth far to thy right as thee can!
Russian Wench: Why doth may I?
Sir James: Just do’t!!
(The Russian Wench comes forward and sits just as instructed, Sir James moves to the left)
Sir James (to the horses): Neigh part! Neigh part!
(The four horses on one side pull to the left, the four on the other pull to the right and begin to go around either side of the statue, the statue’s mighty sword-shaped-ram slices the stirrups between the horses and smashes perfectly through the middle of the sleigh and just between Sir James and the Russian Wench)
Sir James: That gent at each moment didst enjoy dividing! Fortune for us gent didn’t conquer thy fine sled!
(Russian Wench eyes Sir James with lust, but just before the moment passes the horses pull themselves back together and the sleigh’s two parts smash against each other)
Sir James: Grab thine!
(Russian Wench and Sir James lock in a functional embrace, the only thing holding the sleigh together)
Sir James: Grab thine vines!
(With the stirrups, Sir James manages to whip around and connect the sleigh back in one)
Russian Wench (with a smile): I desire thou has't insurance!
(Ouromov sees they’re still following and angrily sips from a small barrel contained in his garb. Sir James and Russian Wench turn around to see the statue, which falls on its own sword)
Sir James: All that glistens, d’ist not gold.
(The chase continues…)
"Better make that two."