(Baron Largo leads Sir James to a long table, with two curious chairs at either side in front of two large fireplaces.)
Sir James: These chairs look most strange, though I am most relieved that mine does not have a hole in the seat.
Largo: Ye chairs art made from metal forks, knives, and spoons. From the new scandanavian designer
Lord Ikea.
Sir James: Ah, ‘tis a Game of Utensils or mayhap Cutlery then?
Largo: I did think about making them from swords but that would be silly. Sit down, Sir James.
(They sit, as a crowd gathers.)
Sir James: And what ist ye game we shall play? Reformation Cathedral roulette, European Royal
Family Top Trumps. The winking of the Tiddles ?
Largo : A game of strategy, Military tactics, skill and .....
Sir James : Yea Twister !!!
Largo : .... Domination !
Sir James : Should not that practice be done in Madame Whiplash's dungeon ?
( several of the crowd murmor agreement )
Largo: Battleships! (He produces a box containing the game, and two blond stewards lay out papers and a stylus before the players before retreating to the fireplaces. One of ye stewards hast a hand made of gold, while ye other ist very short.) Shall we begin? You go first.
Sir James: A3.
Largo. Miss! B2.
Sir James: Hit. Ow! Mine chair ist getting hotter!
Largo: Oh, I didst forget to tell thee- for every hit, ye stewards will throw more logs upon the fire behind the player hit so unlike armchair admirals we will share the pain of our sailors. As thou wert unaware of this, we begin again. C2.
Sir James: Miss. C2!
Largo: Hit!
(Ye stewards put more logs on Baron Largo's fire. He begin'eth to sweat...)
Largo: A5.
Sir James: Miss. D6.
(Ye heat rises as the game continues. Both Sir James and Baron Largo start to feel very warm, then hot, then begin to burn... Finally Baron Largo stands up.)
Largo: Wow, things were getting a little hot. ... Thou hast won, Sir James.
Sir James : We hath a saying " If thee cannot stand the heat ... "
Largo : I had to stand, the heat .... I thought I could smell bacon Pizza ...
Sir James: Settle I shalt for one dance with Dominoes, .... I mean Domino.... and
can I order a Pizza, I can smell it now too.
Largo : Very well, Do you lose as gracefully as you win ?
Sir James : Hell No !! I go ballistic, shouting and tipping over the board !
Largo : As do I so forgive me, I'm off to beat a servant, I shall see you both ... later.
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
(Baron Largo signals for ye band to begin. The bass player hurriedly puts down his whisky and they play. Sir James leads Domino to the floor and they dance.)
Domino: I love to dance
Sir James : I knew those three years of tap and interpretative dance would'st
pay off, This dance competition is as good as ours. No one puts Domino in the
corner.
Domino : Tell me what thou doth seek and why thou art here.
Sir James: ‘Tis a great conspiracy, and it doth involve thine brother.
Domino: I never meet anyone like my brother..... and I have tried Tinder, speed dating
adverts in singles magazines, leaving cards in shop windows.
Sir James: Only men such as me or Largo?
Domino: Thou art not like him. I can tell by the way thou doth... hold me.
Sir Janes : Sorry it's an unorthodox dance hold.
( Sir James, doth release his hold on Domino's neck )
Sir James: Damn, déjà vu all over again... Thine brother ist dead. (Domino gasps.) Keep dancing!
(Sir James takes off his doublet, throwing it to the side and hitting Baron Largo in the face, revealing a white waistcoat while he points to ye ceiling. He and Domino perform a spectacular dance display until Baron Largo stops ye music.)
Baron Largo: Thou can dance exceedingly well, Sir James.
Sir James : I do'ith most things exceedingly well, .. like Battleships !
Largo : I prithee, join us on our boat for lunch tomorrow. ‘Tis in ye harbour and ‘tis called ye Disco Vo... er, Unidentified Disc.
Sir James: Most certainly. That sounds wonderful. Will I need a Dinghy ?
Largo : No we have privys on board and we've changed the chef since the last time.
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
Act 3, Scene 1. (Ye Unidentified Disc.)
Largo: Sir James, welcome aboard. Thou art just in time- cast off! (Ye boat starts moving.)
Sir James: Ah, where art we heading?
Largo: Thou shalt see soon enough. Chambers have been prepared for thee aft. (Sir James wanders about, and comes across Domino.)
Domino: Sir James! Why art thou here?
Sir James: I didst think I was invited for lunch and have found myself on a cruise. I prithee, where art we heading?
Domino: To North Africa, where ye Baron hast a house.
Sir James: ‘Tis most important that I send a message- now, hast ye an empty bottle anywhere...?
Domino: Only this bottle of Buckfast, which ist still full.
Sir James: Worry ye not, it will do just fine... in a moment. Now, ‘tis time for me to kiss thee- for this, I have three reasons. First reason, because I hast always wanted to... (They kiss.)
Domino: ...and ye other two?
Sir James: Oh, there are no other two... (They kiss more passionately.)
Act 3, Scene 7. (A port.)
Largo: Finally, we have arrived.
Sir James: So, what happens now Baron Largo?
Domino: Oh good, I hope there ist a market.
Largo: A market there ist, and thou will be the main attraction. Men, seize them! (Baron Largo’s men knock Sir James out, and seize Domino.)
(Later, in a cell.)
Sir James: (Awakening.) Felix, it hast been too long... How I have missed your... Ah... Baron Largo. Er, hello again.
Largo: Thou wert a very good agent of discretion...
Sir James: I thank’ee.
Largo: ...once. Alas those days are over. From this window here, thou shalt see Domino be auctioned off to ye highest bidder, while thou art left here to rot. I bid thee farewell, Naught Naught Seven.
Sir James: In that case, where hast thou hidden ye ship with barrels of Greek Fire?
Largo: ‘Tis at a port called Ye Tears Of Allah- not that this will help thee. (Exit Baron Largo. Sir James begins to use his enchanted sundial to free himself...)
Act 3, Scene 8. (A marketplace. Domino stands bound to a pole.)
Largo: Milords, ladies and gen’elmennnn... what am I bid for this fine specimen?
1st Arab: Two camels!
Largo: Sorry, I don’t smoke.
2nd Arab: Four horses!
Largo: Better, any advance on four horses? Do I hear six horses?
3rd Arab: Five horses!
Largo: Sold! (Largo departs and ye winner begins to tie Domino to his horse. Enter Sir James, who promptly steals ye horse with Domino and rides off, hotly pursued.)
Domino: Faster! Faster!
Sir James: Like thou didst say to me last night?
Domino: Watch out for yon man with- (Thump.) Too late.
Sir James: Yon man with... ?
Domino: Yon man with green trainers.
Sir James: Ah, that would be Dellboy Deaton. ‘Tis no matter.
Domino: Sir James, they art getting closer!
Sir James: Worry ye not, for through this window here we will go! (Sir James jumps ye horse through ye window and they land safely in a wagon full of hay. Sir James and Domino run to a cliff edge, as ye horse ist slain by their pursuers.)
Sir James: Ah, ‘tis a shame about assassins and their creed. (He and Domino leap over ye cliff and into the water.)
Sir James: But how did thou know to have ye ship at this point, Lord Felix?
Lord Felix: Thine message inside ye empty bottle of Buckfast was found.
Domino: But that bottle was full when I did give it to Sir James!
Sir James: Ah, yes, I did deal with that very quickly.
Lord Felix: Now, where should I ask ye captain to steer this ship?
Sir James: To Ye Tears Of Allah, most quickly!
Lord Felix: Captain Farrell, hast thou ye new invention from our Wizards?
Captain Farrell: Why, yes, but 'tis most secret.
Lord Felix: If thou want'est to be an Admiral someday, then I suggest thou dost disclose this most immediately!
Captain Farrell: But of course- I do enjoy pulling rank.. (Ye prospective Admiral doth reveal two large catapults.)
Lord Felix: Here, Sir James, you take ye left and I shalt take ye right.
Sir James: Most ingenious. (Sir James and Lord Felix art launched towards Ye Tears Of Allah.)
Act 3, Scene 5. (A port known as Ye Tears of Allah.)
Largo: Hurry, men, time ist short. (Baron Largo's men manoeuvre ye ship laden with Greek Fire into a berth as Sir James and Lord Felix arrive.)
Sir James: Thou should get closer, Baron Largo, 'tis shorter than thee think. (Sir James and Lord Felix attack Baron Largo's men, slaying them. Sir James and Baron Largo fall into ye water, where ye Baron soon hast Sir James at his mercy until Domino stabs a harpoon into Largo's back.)
Domino: Glad I am that I have slain him.
Sir James: You're glad? Oh, damn...
Domino: Art thou all right, Sir James?
Sir James: I'll be fine- 'tis just that feeling of deja vu again...
If anyone can think of any more jokes to slip in, just put them below. I couldn't think of a way to incorporate Rowan Atkinson's character, unfortunately.
(Ye heat rises as the game continues. Both Sir James and Baron Largo start to feel very warm, then hot, then begin to burn... Finally Baron Largo stands up.)
Largo: Wow, things were getting a little hot. ... Thou hast won, Sir James.
Sir James: We hath a saying "If thee cannot stand the heat ..."
Largo: I had to stand, the heat .... I thought I could smell bacon pizza... This feels like the second time thou hast beaten me, Sir James..... But this is the best of five!
Sir James: Settle I shalt for one dance with Dominoes.... I mean Domino.... and can I order a pizza, I can smell it now too.
Largo: Very well. Do you lose as gracefully as you win?
Sir James: Hell No!! I go ballistic, shouting and tipping over the board!
Largo: As do I- so forgive me, I'm off to beat a servant, I shall see you both... later.
Sir James: Greetings, fair Domino, I believe I owe thee an explanation.
Domino: You! I shouldst have thee charged!
Sir James: No need, I did over one hundred press ups earlier, so fully charged!
Domino: Aye, it seems to have affected thine hair? (Sir James quickly adjusts his hairline.)
Sir James: Thou can see that through thine blindfold?
Domino: Did thou think that toupee was fooling anyone?
With the settle for one dance line , just an idea.
Sir Janes : I'll settle for one dance ....
Largo : I thought you'd never ask me ....
Sir James : ...... With Domino and one Kiss.
( There is the sound of a passionate kiss )
Sir Janes : Thank yee, Maximilian, But I actually meant a kiss from Domino !
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
Largo: I had to stand, the heat .... I thought I could smell bacon pizza... This feels like the second time thou hast beaten me, Sir James..... But this is the best of five!
Sir James: I'll settle for one dance....
Largo: I thought you'd never ask me....
Sir James: ......with Domino and one kiss. (There is the sound of a passionate kiss.)
Sir James: Thank ye, Maximilian, but I actually meant a kiss from Domino!
Largo: No body’s perfect- apart from mine, I have the body of a Greek God. And if he ever finds out what I’m doing with it he’ll be madder than Hell!
Sir James: Settle I shalt for one dance with Dominoes.... I mean Domino.... and can I order a pizza? I can smell it now too.
Largo: Very well. Do you lose as gracefully as you win?
Sir James: Hell no!! I go ballistic, shouting and tipping over the board!
Largo: As do I- so forgive me, I'm off to beat a servant, I shall see you both... later.
Comments
Sir James: These chairs look most strange, though I am most relieved that mine does not have a hole in the seat.
Largo: Ye chairs art made from metal forks, knives, and spoons. From the new scandanavian designer
Lord Ikea.
Sir James: Ah, ‘tis a Game of Utensils or mayhap Cutlery then?
Largo: I did think about making them from swords but that would be silly. Sit down, Sir James.
(They sit, as a crowd gathers.)
Sir James: And what ist ye game we shall play? Reformation Cathedral roulette, European Royal
Family Top Trumps. The winking of the Tiddles ?
Largo : A game of strategy, Military tactics, skill and .....
Sir James : Yea Twister !!!
Largo : .... Domination !
Sir James : Should not that practice be done in Madame Whiplash's dungeon ?
( several of the crowd murmor agreement )
Largo: Battleships! (He produces a box containing the game, and two blond stewards lay out papers and a stylus before the players before retreating to the fireplaces. One of ye stewards hast a hand made of gold, while ye other ist very short.) Shall we begin? You go first.
Sir James: A3.
Largo. Miss! B2.
Sir James: Hit. Ow! Mine chair ist getting hotter!
Largo: Oh, I didst forget to tell thee- for every hit, ye stewards will throw more logs upon the fire behind the player hit so unlike armchair admirals we will share the pain of our sailors. As thou wert unaware of this, we begin again. C2.
Sir James: Miss. C2!
Largo: Hit!
(Ye stewards put more logs on Baron Largo's fire. He begin'eth to sweat...)
Largo: A5.
Sir James: Miss. D6.
(Ye heat rises as the game continues. Both Sir James and Baron Largo start to feel very warm, then hot, then begin to burn... Finally Baron Largo stands up.)
Largo: Wow, things were getting a little hot. ... Thou hast won, Sir James.
Sir James : We hath a saying " If thee cannot stand the heat ... "
Largo : I had to stand, the heat .... I thought I could smell bacon Pizza ...
Sir James: Settle I shalt for one dance with Dominoes, .... I mean Domino.... and
can I order a Pizza, I can smell it now too.
Largo : Very well, Do you lose as gracefully as you win ?
Sir James : Hell No !! I go ballistic, shouting and tipping over the board !
Largo : As do I so forgive me, I'm off to beat a servant, I shall see you both ... later.
Domino: I love to dance
Sir James : I knew those three years of tap and interpretative dance would'st
pay off, This dance competition is as good as ours. No one puts Domino in the
corner.
Domino : Tell me what thou doth seek and why thou art here.
Sir James: ‘Tis a great conspiracy, and it doth involve thine brother.
Domino: I never meet anyone like my brother..... and I have tried Tinder, speed dating
adverts in singles magazines, leaving cards in shop windows.
Sir James: Only men such as me or Largo?
Domino: Thou art not like him. I can tell by the way thou doth... hold me.
Sir Janes : Sorry it's an unorthodox dance hold.
( Sir James, doth release his hold on Domino's neck )
Sir James: Damn, déjà vu all over again... Thine brother ist dead. (Domino gasps.) Keep dancing!
(Sir James takes off his doublet, throwing it to the side and hitting Baron Largo in the face, revealing a white waistcoat while he points to ye ceiling. He and Domino perform a spectacular dance display until Baron Largo stops ye music.)
Baron Largo: Thou can dance exceedingly well, Sir James.
Sir James : I do'ith most things exceedingly well, .. like Battleships !
Largo : I prithee, join us on our boat for lunch tomorrow. ‘Tis in ye harbour and ‘tis called ye Disco Vo... er, Unidentified Disc.
Sir James: Most certainly. That sounds wonderful. Will I need a Dinghy ?
Largo : No we have privys on board and we've changed the chef since the last time.
Having an idea about the title- does anyone like "Deja Say Deja Again"? or just leave it as "Ne'er Say Ne'er Again"?
Never say Deja Vu again
Largo: Sir James, welcome aboard. Thou art just in time- cast off!
(Ye boat starts moving.)
Sir James: Ah, where art we heading?
Largo: Thou shalt see soon enough. Chambers have been prepared for thee aft.
(Sir James wanders about, and comes across Domino.)
Domino: Sir James! Why art thou here?
Sir James: I didst think I was invited for lunch and have found myself on a cruise. I prithee, where art we heading?
Domino: To North Africa, where ye Baron hast a house.
Sir James: ‘Tis most important that I send a message- now, hast ye an empty bottle anywhere...?
Domino: Only this bottle of Buckfast, which ist still full.
Sir James: Worry ye not, it will do just fine... in a moment. Now, ‘tis time for me to kiss thee- for this, I have three reasons. First reason, because I hast always wanted to... (They kiss.)
Domino: ...and ye other two?
Sir James: Oh, there are no other two... (They kiss more passionately.)
Largo: Finally, we have arrived.
Sir James: So, what happens now Baron Largo?
Domino: Oh good, I hope there ist a market.
Largo: A market there ist, and thou will be the main attraction. Men, seize them!
(Baron Largo’s men knock Sir James out, and seize Domino.)
(Later, in a cell.)
Sir James: (Awakening.) Felix, it hast been too long... How I have missed your... Ah... Baron Largo. Er, hello again.
Largo: Thou wert a very good agent of discretion...
Sir James: I thank’ee.
Largo: ...once. Alas those days are over. From this window here, thou shalt see Domino be auctioned off to ye highest bidder, while thou art left here to rot. I bid thee farewell, Naught Naught Seven.
Sir James: In that case, where hast thou hidden ye ship with barrels of Greek Fire?
Largo: ‘Tis at a port called Ye Tears Of Allah- not that this will help thee.
(Exit Baron Largo. Sir James begins to use his enchanted sundial to free himself...)
Act 3, Scene 8. (A marketplace. Domino stands bound to a pole.)
Largo: Milords, ladies and gen’elmennnn... what am I bid for this fine specimen?
1st Arab: Two camels!
Largo: Sorry, I don’t smoke.
2nd Arab: Four horses!
Largo: Better, any advance on four horses? Do I hear six horses?
3rd Arab: Five horses!
Largo: Sold!
(Largo departs and ye winner begins to tie Domino to his horse. Enter Sir James, who promptly steals ye horse with Domino and rides off, hotly pursued.)
Domino: Faster! Faster!
Sir James: Like thou didst say to me last night?
Domino: Watch out for yon man with- (Thump.) Too late.
Sir James: Yon man with... ?
Domino: Yon man with green trainers.
Sir James: Ah, that would be Dellboy Deaton. ‘Tis no matter.
Domino: Sir James, they art getting closer!
Sir James: Worry ye not, for through this window here we will go!
(Sir James jumps ye horse through ye window and they land safely in a wagon full of hay. Sir James and Domino run to a cliff edge, as ye horse ist slain by their pursuers.)
Sir James: Ah, ‘tis a shame about assassins and their creed.
(He and Domino leap over ye cliff and into the water.)
Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
Sir James: But how did thou know to have ye ship at this point, Lord Felix?
Lord Felix: Thine message inside ye empty bottle of Buckfast was found.
Domino: But that bottle was full when I did give it to Sir James!
Sir James: Ah, yes, I did deal with that very quickly.
Lord Felix: Now, where should I ask ye captain to steer this ship?
Sir James: To Ye Tears Of Allah, most quickly!
Lord Felix: Captain Farrell, hast thou ye new invention from our Wizards?
Captain Farrell: Why, yes, but 'tis most secret.
Lord Felix: If thou want'est to be an Admiral someday, then I suggest thou dost disclose this most immediately!
Captain Farrell: But of course- I do enjoy pulling rank..
(Ye prospective Admiral doth reveal two large catapults.)
Lord Felix: Here, Sir James, you take ye left and I shalt take ye right.
Sir James: Most ingenious.
(Sir James and Lord Felix art launched towards Ye Tears Of Allah.)
Largo: Hurry, men, time ist short.
(Baron Largo's men manoeuvre ye ship laden with Greek Fire into a berth as Sir James and Lord Felix arrive.)
Sir James: Thou should get closer, Baron Largo, 'tis shorter than thee think.
(Sir James and Lord Felix attack Baron Largo's men, slaying them. Sir James and Baron Largo fall into ye water, where ye Baron soon hast Sir James at his mercy until Domino stabs a harpoon into Largo's back.)
Domino: Glad I am that I have slain him.
Sir James: You're glad? Oh, damn...
Domino: Art thou all right, Sir James?
Sir James: I'll be fine- 'tis just that feeling of deja vu again...
If anyone can think of any more jokes to slip in, just put them below. I couldn't think of a way to incorporate Rowan Atkinson's character, unfortunately.
like the second time, you've beaten Me Sir James .....
...... But this is Best of five !"
(Ye heat rises as the game continues. Both Sir James and Baron Largo start to feel very warm, then hot, then begin to burn... Finally Baron Largo stands up.)
Largo: Wow, things were getting a little hot. ... Thou hast won, Sir James.
Sir James: We hath a saying "If thee cannot stand the heat ..."
Largo: I had to stand, the heat .... I thought I could smell bacon pizza... This feels like the second time thou hast beaten me, Sir James..... But this is the best of five!
Sir James: Settle I shalt for one dance with Dominoes.... I mean Domino.... and can I order a pizza, I can smell it now too.
Largo: Very well. Do you lose as gracefully as you win?
Sir James: Hell No!! I go ballistic, shouting and tipping over the board!
Largo: As do I- so forgive me, I'm off to beat a servant, I shall see you both... later.
[Edit: And now does.]
Q) Which Bond girl has the deepest voice?
A) Kim Bass Singer
[Edit: I ended up including it.]
Good, but I think she should dance blindfolded too. And everything else she does.
Sir James: Greetings, fair Domino, I believe I owe thee an explanation.
Domino: You! I shouldst have thee charged!
Sir James: No need, I did over one hundred press ups earlier, so fully charged!
Domino: Aye, it seems to have affected thine hair?
(Sir James quickly adjusts his hairline.)
Sir James: Thou can see that through thine blindfold?
Domino: Did thou think that toupee was fooling anyone?
Sir Janes : I'll settle for one dance ....
Largo : I thought you'd never ask me ....
Sir James : ...... With Domino and one Kiss.
( There is the sound of a passionate kiss )
Sir Janes : Thank yee, Maximilian, But I actually meant a kiss from Domino !
Greek God )
Largo: I had to stand, the heat .... I thought I could smell bacon pizza... This feels like the second time thou hast beaten me, Sir James..... But this is the best of five!
Sir James: I'll settle for one dance....
Largo: I thought you'd never ask me....
Sir James: ......with Domino and one kiss.
(There is the sound of a passionate kiss.)
Sir James: Thank ye, Maximilian, but I actually meant a kiss from Domino!
Largo: No body’s perfect- apart from mine, I have the body of a Greek God. And if he ever finds out what I’m doing with it he’ll be madder than Hell!
Sir James: Settle I shalt for one dance with Dominoes.... I mean Domino.... and can I order a pizza? I can smell it now too.
Largo: Very well. Do you lose as gracefully as you win?
Sir James: Hell no!! I go ballistic, shouting and tipping over the board!
Largo: As do I- so forgive me, I'm off to beat a servant, I shall see you both... later.