(One I did think of as a possibility was a scene on the boat, before the boys arrive at the girls' school. With the good guys (James, Felix etc) and the bad guys (Ernst & co) facing off against each other in a parody of some wel-known scene, not necessarily Bond.)
I remembered in an interview with Henry Blofeld. He
Said his father was at school with Ian Fleming and
Fleming had " Borrowed " his name.
The original guy was a John Blofeld, and there was another called Peter Scaramanga. Room for an article covering where Fleming got the names from, I think- eg, Arno Goldfinger, Ernest Cureo, Boofy Gore, Honeychile, etc.
An Idea for a line with Bond in the boat with the girls, who could be nattering on about stuff, so
annoying James he calls " Avast Behind" , to get a reply from Honey of " Really, do you think my
bum looks big in this ?
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
There you go, TP- I've left a gap in the middle for you to have a vast bit of fun (and of course alter any of the rest as you wish).
Ye shore of ye lake. Melina leads James to a secluded cove, where a canoe ist brosnaned, er, moored.
James: So, a canoe! To whom does it belong, Melina?
Girl; ((Off.) ‘Tis mine. (James watches as a most comely wench arises from ye water and walks towards them.)
Girl: What art thee doing here, looking for shells?
James: Nay, I am just looking.
Melina: This is he who is called Bond, James Bond. James, say hello to Honey.
James: I can assure thee mine intentions art strictly honourable.
Melina: Honey, young Sir James hast missed ye boat back to Foxhall Cross and ‘tis most important he return apace. Canst thou help?
Honey: But of course- get in ye boat, James, and I shalt take thee across. Melina, thou canst wait here.
Melina: (Eyes narrowed.) No fear, I shalt come too.
Honey: As thou wish. Cast off! Melina, fetch my shoes. (They set out on ye lake.)
(They approach the other shore.)
James: I cannot thank thee both enough- now I must make speed back to mine school.
Honey: It has been a most interesting trip, I hope I shalt see thee again.
James: Another time, another place.
Melina: Au revoir, James, but not farewell. (James leaps from ye canoe and heads quickly back to Foxhall Cross.)
Ye shore of ye lake. Melina leads James to a secluded cove, where a canoe ist brosnaned, er, moored.
James: So, a rowing canoe! To whom does it belong, Melina?
Girl; ((Off.) ‘Tis mine.
(James watches as a most comely wench arises from ye water and walks towards them.)
Girl: What art thee doing here, looking for shells?
James: Nay, I am just looking.
Melina: This is he who is called Bond, James Bond. James, say hello to Honey.
James: I can assure thee mine intentions art strictly honourable.
Melina: Honey, young Sir James hast missed ye boat back to Foxhall Cross and ‘tis most important he return apace. Canst thou help?
Honey: But of course- get in ye boat, James, and I shalt take thee across. Melina, thou canst wait here.
Melina: (Eyes narrowed.) No fear, I shalt come too.
Honey: As thou wish. Cast off! Melina, fetch my shoes.
Melina : The Jimmy Choo's or the Gucci's ?
Honey : Good question, The Jimmy Choo's have a lower heel, but the Gucci's feel more sailor in style, what do you think ?
Melina : Honestly, I love the Gucci's only last week I ….
James : Sorry Ladies but could you hasten thine speed, I do have to stop an attack.
(They set out on ye lake.)
James : Good, we have a couple of stout oars ?
Honey : Are you saying we're Fat ?
James : Nay, I see them now ( Picking up the two short oars )
Honey : Oh, I see.
James : Rollocks !
Melina : Pardon James
James : I hath no Rollocks !
Melina : Sorry to hear James, …. a sporting injury perhaps ?
Honey Nay, These ( She hands across the oar holders ) just pop them in the holes there.
( James begin rowing, as the girls look at his impressive shoulders … )
James: ( Looking skyward ) I can see a wishing star near Uranus
Honey : Thank yee James, but many have wished to be near my ……..
Melina : Don't be silly Honey, James has to Focus …
Honey : What Both of us ?
Melina : Focus on navigating by the stars. I remember my Uncle Harry used to be a Pirate, During a raid he
asked " Where's me Buccaneers "
Honey : Well, where were they ?
James : On the side of his Bucken Head ( scowled James, the ladies were beginning to irritate him ) can we proceed
apace in silence ladies.
Melina : Have you any friends James, so we and our girlfriends could meet up,
Melina : Oh that would be fun we could all meet at the local town grocery store ..
Honey : Yes, the one where that boy was attacked by the Bear.
Melian : Yes, The "Maul"
James : ( rolling his eyes) Avast Behind !
Honey: "Vast" you do think we're fat
James : Nay ladies, tis simply a nautical term meaning ……… Shut the hell up !
Melina : James we be'ith not Feckless
Honey : True, We do give a Feck.
(They approach the other shore.)
James: I cannot thank thee both enough- now I must make speed back to mine school.
Honey: It has been a most interesting trip, I hope I shalt see thee again.
James: Another time, another place.
Melina: Au revoir, James, but not farewell.
(James leaps from ye canoe and heads quickly back to Foxhall Cross.)
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
(One I did think of as a possibility was a scene on the boat, before the boys arrive at the girls' school. With the good guys (James, Felix etc) and the bad guys (Ernst & co) facing off against each other in a parody of some wel-known scene, not necessarily Bond.)
Perhaps an Errol Flyn sea adventure or Pirates of the Caribbean ?
Titanic with Felix and Bill at the bow of the boat. The fight could
Spill out to the school and tuck shop
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
Nah, I think it should be restricted to the boat cos they're on their way to the girls' school. There must be some boat (or spaceship?) fight we can rip off... er, parody!
Just an idea, please feel free to amend/change etc. {[]
( On board the ferry crossing the lake, James and the boys find adventure in looking over the ship ….. )
Bill : Look chaps ,Be that the captain of the Vessel
Felix, Aye, That be Cpt Ahabytat
James : Let us speak with him.
( The boys approach the old bearded sea dog …… )
James : Cpt Ahabytat, I presume ? I like boats, and I want to be a sailor.
Cpt : Aye Tis I, Captain of this mighty vessel and legendary whaler , and I also do ladies hairstyles, on the side.
My parents wanted me to sell furniture but the call of the sea was too strong. Those big burly men, the beatings, the
salty spray in my face...
James : Sounds …… interesting..
Cpt :Nay, I loved it.
James : Stories of you chasing that great whale are in deed legendary, um, ….. Mody Dick ?
Cpt : Aye, I had that for a while but the old Apothecary, cured me of it, …… Damn that shore leave.
Felix : What ever happened to your crewmate Starbuck ?
Cpt: He went off to open a Coffee House.
( Out of the corner of his eye James spies Comte Bolfeld and a few of his companions going to a lower deck ….. )
Cpt : But even these waters hold their mysteries, There be stories of a huge Cat that prowls these waters, looking
for fish, and I shall have him, that …. Moby Pussy !
( The boys move below to check up on Blofeld …. the deck appeared in darkness …. )
Blofeld : Touch it, you can touch it if you want
James : You see now ! Blofeld keeps writing things about me on the privy walls, but it's him !
Blofeld : Yes James, It was Me, It's always been Me !
( Candles are lit and the room becomes illuminated …… to reveal a long table with Blofeld sitting at the far end
on the table was a large rock )
Blofeld : This be a meteorite Bond, or so the old apothecary tells me. When it crashes from the heavens nothing can stop it,
rather like me don't you think ?
James : If you mean, Heavy, a bit thick and covered in pours, then yes.
Blofeld : I too am Unstoppable, I have decided that a person with your skills could be of use to my organisation,
SPECTAR,
James : SPECTAR ?
Blofeld : Yes, Secret Pupils Entrepreneurial Collective Training And Recruiting
James : I'm not for Hire,
Blofeld : I even got Ruby to work for us.
James : My price is far above Ruby's !
Blofeld : Then you've come here to Die
James : I'll live to die another day.
( A fight begins between both set of boys. with punches and furniture being thrown at each other , but soon Blofeld
calls out... )
Blofeld : Halt, good fellows, we are coning in to dock, we must away, we need no trouble here, come away with me.
we must leave apace, we don't have all the time in the world.
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
We jump from Jaws killing Kalba straight to James & Anya on the train, thus missing out their being in the back of Jaws' car as he heads out into the desert, their encounter with him, James & Anya on a boat where she knocks him out & steals the microfuilm (scroll!) then James goes to see Sir M and is surprised to find both Anya & Gogol there.
Do you think we could have a go at filling this in?
Jaws heads for his carriage. Sir James makes to follow him, his stunt double making a daring leap from a window, and hides in ye back of ye carriage where he ist quickly joined by XXX.)
Sir James: Verily, like this we must stop meeting.
XXX: What didst happen to Kalba?
Sir James: He wast slain- by ye driver of this carriage. Known to us he ist, an assassin named-
XXX: Named Jaws? And ye scroll?
Sir James; Thou may search me...
XXX: Another time, mayhap.
(Jaws heads for his carriage. Sir James makes to follow him, his stunt double making a daring leap from a window, and hides in ye back of ye carriage where he ist quickly joined by XXX.)
Sir James: Verily, like this we must stop meeting.
xxx: Tis very small this carriage
Sir James : Aye, it be a baby carriage
XXX: What didst happen to Kalba?
Sir James: He wast slain- by ye driver of this carriage. Known to us he ist, an assassin named-
XXX: Named Jaws? he hath our highest security rating, above his image is a coconut and chocolate …
Sir James : Aye, we too hath a bounty on his head.
XXX : …. and ye scroll?
Sir James; Thou may search me...
XXX: Another time, mayhap.
(Ye carriage stops at an old monument, and Jaws wanders off ……. )
XXX: this place looks so old and decayed, falling apart in places.
Sir James : True, reminds me of … Stormont ! ( or any other location can be used )
( They follow Jaws, but he vanishes in the ruins … )
XXX: Where for art he ?
( suddenly Jaws slides down a rope to attack them )
Sir James : Seems he dropped in … ( as he begins to fight the villain )
hopefully this is a start.
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
Have added a few bits, and stopped just before the potentially sexist "women drivers" dialogue:
(Jaws heads for his carriage. Sir James makes to follow him, his stunt double making a daring leap from a window, and hides in ye back of ye carriage where he ist quickly joined by XXX.)
Sir James: Verily, like this we must stop meeting.
XXX: Tis very small, this carriage.
Sir James: Aye, it be a baby carriage.
XXX: What didst happen to Kalba?
Sir James: He wast slain- by ye driver of this carriage. Known to us he ist, an assassin named-
XXX: Named Jaws? He hath our highest security rating, above his image is a coconut and chocolate …
Sir James: Aye, we too hath a bounty on his head.
XXX: ….and ye scroll?
Sir James: Thou may search me...
XXX: Another time, mayhap. (Ye carriage stops at an old monument, and Jaws wanders off.)
XXX: this place looks so old and decayed, falling apart in places.
Sir James: True, reminds me of… Stormont! (They follow Jaws, but he vanishes in the ruins.)
XXX: Wherefore art he? Someone that big cannot just disappear!
Sir James: Humph, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s career might disagree with you on that. (Suddenly Jaws slides down a rope to attack them.)
Sir James: Seems he dropped in… (Sir James begins to fight the villain, and is soon losing before XXX joins in. Soon she has him at her mercy.)
XXX: Ye scroll- and apace! (Jaws drops ye scroll in the sand. XXX quickly grabs it and runs off as Sir James squares up to ye giant, causing a pile of timber to fall down and bury him.)
Sir James: I wood not have be-leafed it possible. (XXX ist struggling with ye reins of ye carriage as Sir James strolls casually up and snatches ye scroll from in front of her.)
Sir James: Wouldst thee like me to drive?
Meanwhile a sonnet in iambic pentameter with final couplet )
From Shakespeare Sonnet 25
Let our fine Bond remain the greatest star
With public honour from five titles boast
Whilst we, who pay fortunes watch from afar
Hoping for joys in what we’ve been engrossed.
Great producers chosen star undaunted
Continues the franchise says no goodbye
Who cares if actors are now thus taunted
Box office returns we know never lie
The painful actor hurt in stunts and fight
After a thousand takes victories foiled
Is from a Fleming book made into knight
And all the rest forgot for which he toiled:
Then happy we, that watched and did enjoy
Heroic acts not seen since days of Troy
Sir James: Wouldst thee like me to drive?
XXX: Nyet! I have been on a course in Siberia on how to handle horses. (XXX continues flicking ye reins, as Sir James notices that Jaws ist struggling out of ye pile of wood.)
Sir James: ...er... methinks we should depart, apace.
XXX: Go, horses, go! (The horses look pleasantly back at her as Jaws gets nearer.)
Sir James: Let me try- giddy up! (The horses start trotting off. Jaws makes a grab at ye carriage, but ist only left with a railing from the rear.)
Sir James: I must thank’ee for deserting me back there.
XXX: Every women for herself.
Sir James: To ye river, there- let us find a boat to return to Cairo.
Sir James: Wouldst thee like me to drive?
XXX: Nyet! I have been on a course in Siberia on how to handle my ass
Sir James: I too hath been taught that, .... But these be horses and need a delicate touch.
(XXX continues flicking ye reins, as Sir James notices that Jaws ist struggling out of ye pile of wood.)
Sir James: ...er... methinks we should depart, apace.
XXX: Go, horses, go!
(The horses look pleasantly back at her as Jaws gets nearer.)
Sir James: Let me try- giddy up! I hear there be a glue factory close by !
(The horses start trotting off. Jaws makes a grab at ye carriage, but ist only left with a railing from the rear.)
Sir James: I must thank’ee for deserting me back there.
XXX: Every women for herself.
Sir James: To ye river, there- let us find a boat to return to Cairo.
XXX: do thee think we wils't find one ?
Sir James : of course it helps to have a plan, after all it's not a Felucca ....... We've been successful.
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
(Sir James approaches a boatman.)
Boatman: Aywa, tfadal.
Sir James: Sorry, dost thee speak English?
Boatman: Of course, I majored in European languages at Oxford.
Sir James: Most convenient that I should find ye only boatman on the Nile who can speak English. My lady friend and I wish to go to Cairo, can you help us?
Boatman: Aye, it can be done immediately and thou shalt arrive within a surprisingly short span of time.
Sir James: Excellent! (Sir James and XXX board ye boat, and they set off.)
XXX: Brr, ‘tis getting cold.
Sir James: I have a sure fire method, tried and tested, of making thee warm.
XXX: Aye, of this I have heard tell- they do say that nobody does it better. (Sir James raises an eyebrow and moves closer.)
Sir James: Oh really?
XXX: But I am sure that this is merely imperialist propaganda. Thou does not have to worry about me, Sir James, for I have been on a survival course in Siberia.
Sir James: Aye, many of thine countrymen do undertake such a course.
XXX: I got by with a little help from my friends.
Sir James: What didst thou learn there?
XXX: Shared bodily warmth ist very important.
Sir James: Oh, I agree. (Sir James snuggles in even closer and ist distracted when XXX hikes up her dress.... but merely to reveal a box containing tobacco etc.)
Sir James: Just as things were getting interesting. (Sir James rubs two flints together to offer a light, but XXX merely puffs dust into his face and he falls, unconscious.)
Comments
Think of anything, I'll post any ideas.
(One I did think of as a possibility was a scene on the boat, before the boys arrive at the girls' school. With the good guys (James, Felix etc) and the bad guys (Ernst & co) facing off against each other in a parody of some wel-known scene, not necessarily Bond.)
The original guy was a John Blofeld, and there was another called Peter Scaramanga. Room for an article covering where Fleming got the names from, I think- eg, Arno Goldfinger, Ernest Cureo, Boofy Gore, Honeychile, etc.
annoying James he calls " Avast Behind" , to get a reply from Honey of " Really, do you think my
bum looks big in this ?
Ye shore of ye lake. Melina leads James to a secluded cove, where a canoe ist brosnaned, er, moored.
James: So, a canoe! To whom does it belong, Melina?
Girl; ((Off.) ‘Tis mine.
(James watches as a most comely wench arises from ye water and walks towards them.)
Girl: What art thee doing here, looking for shells?
James: Nay, I am just looking.
Melina: This is he who is called Bond, James Bond. James, say hello to Honey.
James: I can assure thee mine intentions art strictly honourable.
Melina: Honey, young Sir James hast missed ye boat back to Foxhall Cross and ‘tis most important he return apace. Canst thou help?
Honey: But of course- get in ye boat, James, and I shalt take thee across. Melina, thou canst wait here.
Melina: (Eyes narrowed.) No fear, I shalt come too.
Honey: As thou wish. Cast off! Melina, fetch my shoes.
(They set out on ye lake.)
(They approach the other shore.)
James: I cannot thank thee both enough- now I must make speed back to mine school.
Honey: It has been a most interesting trip, I hope I shalt see thee again.
James: Another time, another place.
Melina: Au revoir, James, but not farewell.
(James leaps from ye canoe and heads quickly back to Foxhall Cross.)
James: So, a rowing canoe! To whom does it belong, Melina?
Girl; ((Off.) ‘Tis mine.
(James watches as a most comely wench arises from ye water and walks towards them.)
Girl: What art thee doing here, looking for shells?
James: Nay, I am just looking.
Melina: This is he who is called Bond, James Bond. James, say hello to Honey.
James: I can assure thee mine intentions art strictly honourable.
Melina: Honey, young Sir James hast missed ye boat back to Foxhall Cross and ‘tis most important he return apace. Canst thou help?
Honey: But of course- get in ye boat, James, and I shalt take thee across. Melina, thou canst wait here.
Melina: (Eyes narrowed.) No fear, I shalt come too.
Honey: As thou wish. Cast off! Melina, fetch my shoes.
Melina : The Jimmy Choo's or the Gucci's ?
Honey : Good question, The Jimmy Choo's have a lower heel, but the Gucci's feel more sailor in style, what do you think ?
Melina : Honestly, I love the Gucci's only last week I ….
James : Sorry Ladies but could you hasten thine speed, I do have to stop an attack.
(They set out on ye lake.)
James : Good, we have a couple of stout oars ?
Honey : Are you saying we're Fat ?
James : Nay, I see them now ( Picking up the two short oars )
Honey : Oh, I see.
James : Rollocks !
Melina : Pardon James
James : I hath no Rollocks !
Melina : Sorry to hear James, …. a sporting injury perhaps ?
Honey Nay, These ( She hands across the oar holders ) just pop them in the holes there.
( James begin rowing, as the girls look at his impressive shoulders … )
James: ( Looking skyward ) I can see a wishing star near Uranus
Honey : Thank yee James, but many have wished to be near my ……..
Melina : Don't be silly Honey, James has to Focus …
Honey : What Both of us ?
Melina : Focus on navigating by the stars. I remember my Uncle Harry used to be a Pirate, During a raid he
asked " Where's me Buccaneers "
Honey : Well, where were they ?
James : On the side of his Bucken Head ( scowled James, the ladies were beginning to irritate him ) can we proceed
apace in silence ladies.
Melina : Have you any friends James, so we and our girlfriends could meet up,
Melina : Oh that would be fun we could all meet at the local town grocery store ..
Honey : Yes, the one where that boy was attacked by the Bear.
Melian : Yes, The "Maul"
James : ( rolling his eyes) Avast Behind !
Honey: "Vast" you do think we're fat
James : Nay ladies, tis simply a nautical term meaning ……… Shut the hell up !
Melina : James we be'ith not Feckless
Honey : True, We do give a Feck.
(They approach the other shore.)
James: I cannot thank thee both enough- now I must make speed back to mine school.
Honey: It has been a most interesting trip, I hope I shalt see thee again.
James: Another time, another place.
Melina: Au revoir, James, but not farewell.
(James leaps from ye canoe and heads quickly back to Foxhall Cross.)
Any thoughts?
Titanic with Felix and Bill at the bow of the boat. The fight could
Spill out to the school and tuck shop
Could have another bit of gambling on the boat ? Card game or
Dice. Which might lead to a fight ? Might need to sleep on it.
James: I like boats, and I want to be a sailor.
( On board the ferry crossing the lake, James and the boys find adventure in looking over the ship ….. )
Bill : Look chaps ,Be that the captain of the Vessel
Felix, Aye, That be Cpt Ahabytat
James : Let us speak with him.
( The boys approach the old bearded sea dog …… )
James : Cpt Ahabytat, I presume ? I like boats, and I want to be a sailor.
Cpt : Aye Tis I, Captain of this mighty vessel and legendary whaler , and I also do ladies hairstyles, on the side.
My parents wanted me to sell furniture but the call of the sea was too strong. Those big burly men, the beatings, the
salty spray in my face...
James : Sounds …… interesting..
Cpt :Nay, I loved it.
James : Stories of you chasing that great whale are in deed legendary, um, ….. Mody Dick ?
Cpt : Aye, I had that for a while but the old Apothecary, cured me of it, …… Damn that shore leave.
Felix : What ever happened to your crewmate Starbuck ?
Cpt: He went off to open a Coffee House.
( Out of the corner of his eye James spies Comte Bolfeld and a few of his companions going to a lower deck ….. )
Cpt : But even these waters hold their mysteries, There be stories of a huge Cat that prowls these waters, looking
for fish, and I shall have him, that …. Moby Pussy !
( The boys move below to check up on Blofeld …. the deck appeared in darkness …. )
Blofeld : Touch it, you can touch it if you want
James : You see now ! Blofeld keeps writing things about me on the privy walls, but it's him !
Blofeld : Yes James, It was Me, It's always been Me !
( Candles are lit and the room becomes illuminated …… to reveal a long table with Blofeld sitting at the far end
on the table was a large rock )
Blofeld : This be a meteorite Bond, or so the old apothecary tells me. When it crashes from the heavens nothing can stop it,
rather like me don't you think ?
James : If you mean, Heavy, a bit thick and covered in pours, then yes.
Blofeld : I too am Unstoppable, I have decided that a person with your skills could be of use to my organisation,
SPECTAR,
James : SPECTAR ?
Blofeld : Yes, Secret Pupils Entrepreneurial Collective Training And Recruiting
James : I'm not for Hire,
Blofeld : I even got Ruby to work for us.
James : My price is far above Ruby's !
Blofeld : Then you've come here to Die
James : I'll live to die another day.
( A fight begins between both set of boys. with punches and furniture being thrown at each other , but soon Blofeld
calls out... )
Blofeld : Halt, good fellows, we are coning in to dock, we must away, we need no trouble here, come away with me.
we must leave apace, we don't have all the time in the world.
We jump from Jaws killing Kalba straight to James & Anya on the train, thus missing out their being in the back of Jaws' car as he heads out into the desert, their encounter with him, James & Anya on a boat where she knocks him out & steals the microfuilm (scroll!) then James goes to see Sir M and is surprised to find both Anya & Gogol there.
Do you think we could have a go at filling this in?
Sir James: Verily, like this we must stop meeting.
XXX: What didst happen to Kalba?
Sir James: He wast slain- by ye driver of this carriage. Known to us he ist, an assassin named-
XXX: Named Jaws? And ye scroll?
Sir James; Thou may search me...
XXX: Another time, mayhap.
(Ye carriage stops at an old monument.)
...where there is a fight.
Sir James: Verily, like this we must stop meeting.
xxx: Tis very small this carriage
Sir James : Aye, it be a baby carriage
XXX: What didst happen to Kalba?
Sir James: He wast slain- by ye driver of this carriage. Known to us he ist, an assassin named-
XXX: Named Jaws? he hath our highest security rating, above his image is a coconut and chocolate …
Sir James : Aye, we too hath a bounty on his head.
XXX : …. and ye scroll?
Sir James; Thou may search me...
XXX: Another time, mayhap.
(Ye carriage stops at an old monument, and Jaws wanders off ……. )
XXX: this place looks so old and decayed, falling apart in places.
Sir James : True, reminds me of … Stormont ! ( or any other location can be used )
( They follow Jaws, but he vanishes in the ruins … )
XXX: Where for art he ?
( suddenly Jaws slides down a rope to attack them )
Sir James : Seems he dropped in … ( as he begins to fight the villain )
hopefully this is a start.
(Jaws heads for his carriage. Sir James makes to follow him, his stunt double making a daring leap from a window, and hides in ye back of ye carriage where he ist quickly joined by XXX.)
Sir James: Verily, like this we must stop meeting.
XXX: Tis very small, this carriage.
Sir James: Aye, it be a baby carriage.
XXX: What didst happen to Kalba?
Sir James: He wast slain- by ye driver of this carriage. Known to us he ist, an assassin named-
XXX: Named Jaws? He hath our highest security rating, above his image is a coconut and chocolate …
Sir James: Aye, we too hath a bounty on his head.
XXX: ….and ye scroll?
Sir James: Thou may search me...
XXX: Another time, mayhap.
(Ye carriage stops at an old monument, and Jaws wanders off.)
XXX: this place looks so old and decayed, falling apart in places.
Sir James: True, reminds me of… Stormont!
(They follow Jaws, but he vanishes in the ruins.)
XXX: Wherefore art he? Someone that big cannot just disappear!
Sir James: Humph, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s career might disagree with you on that.
(Suddenly Jaws slides down a rope to attack them.)
Sir James: Seems he dropped in…
(Sir James begins to fight the villain, and is soon losing before XXX joins in. Soon she has him at her mercy.)
XXX: Ye scroll- and apace!
(Jaws drops ye scroll in the sand. XXX quickly grabs it and runs off as Sir James squares up to ye giant, causing a pile of timber to fall down and bury him.)
Sir James: I wood not have be-leafed it possible.
(XXX ist struggling with ye reins of ye carriage as Sir James strolls casually up and snatches ye scroll from in front of her.)
Sir James: Wouldst thee like me to drive?
From Shakespeare Sonnet 25
Let our fine Bond remain the greatest star
With public honour from five titles boast
Whilst we, who pay fortunes watch from afar
Hoping for joys in what we’ve been engrossed.
Great producers chosen star undaunted
Continues the franchise says no goodbye
Who cares if actors are now thus taunted
Box office returns we know never lie
The painful actor hurt in stunts and fight
After a thousand takes victories foiled
Is from a Fleming book made into knight
And all the rest forgot for which he toiled:
Then happy we, that watched and did enjoy
Heroic acts not seen since days of Troy
That was a surprise! Thanks, Mr Gore.
Sir James: True, reminds me of… Stormont
Instead could we change it to ....
XXX: I haven't Seen such a huge crumbling erection, since that
After show party with the minstrel Sir Lord Mick Jagger .
Also nice one MrGore {[]
where he meets Sir Miles etc?
Sir James: Wouldst thee like me to drive?
XXX: Nyet! I have been on a course in Siberia on how to handle horses.
(XXX continues flicking ye reins, as Sir James notices that Jaws ist struggling out of ye pile of wood.)
Sir James: ...er... methinks we should depart, apace.
XXX: Go, horses, go!
(The horses look pleasantly back at her as Jaws gets nearer.)
Sir James: Let me try- giddy up!
(The horses start trotting off. Jaws makes a grab at ye carriage, but ist only left with a railing from the rear.)
Sir James: I must thank’ee for deserting me back there.
XXX: Every women for herself.
Sir James: To ye river, there- let us find a boat to return to Cairo.
XXX: Nyet! I have been on a course in Siberia on how to handle my ass
Sir James: I too hath been taught that, .... But these be horses and need a delicate touch.
(XXX continues flicking ye reins, as Sir James notices that Jaws ist struggling out of ye pile of wood.)
Sir James: ...er... methinks we should depart, apace.
XXX: Go, horses, go!
(The horses look pleasantly back at her as Jaws gets nearer.)
Sir James: Let me try- giddy up! I hear there be a glue factory close by !
(The horses start trotting off. Jaws makes a grab at ye carriage, but ist only left with a railing from the rear.)
Sir James: I must thank’ee for deserting me back there.
XXX: Every women for herself.
Sir James: To ye river, there- let us find a boat to return to Cairo.
XXX: do thee think we wils't find one ?
Sir James : of course it helps to have a plan, after all it's not a Felucca ....... We've been successful.
Boatman: Aywa, tfadal.
Sir James: Sorry, dost thee speak English?
Boatman: Of course, I majored in European languages at Oxford.
Sir James: Most convenient that I should find ye only boatman on the Nile who can speak English. My lady friend and I wish to go to Cairo, can you help us?
Boatman: Aye, it can be done immediately and thou shalt arrive within a surprisingly short span of time.
Sir James: Excellent!
(Sir James and XXX board ye boat, and they set off.)
XXX: Brr, ‘tis getting cold.
Sir James: I have a sure fire method, tried and tested, of making thee warm.
XXX: Aye, of this I have heard tell- they do say that nobody does it better.
(Sir James raises an eyebrow and moves closer.)
Sir James: Oh really?
XXX: But I am sure that this is merely imperialist propaganda. Thou does not have to worry about me, Sir James, for I have been on a survival course in Siberia.
Sir James: Aye, many of thine countrymen do undertake such a course.
XXX: I got by with a little help from my friends.
Sir James: What didst thou learn there?
XXX: Shared bodily warmth ist very important.
Sir James: Oh, I agree.
(Sir James snuggles in even closer and ist distracted when XXX hikes up her dress.... but merely to reveal a box containing tobacco etc.)
Sir James: Just as things were getting interesting.
(Sir James rubs two flints together to offer a light, but XXX merely puffs dust into his face and he falls, unconscious.)