(Spoilers for NTTD) Shakespeare's Bond: Work area (All welcome!)

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  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 38,099Chief of Staff
    That's them in now.
  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,358MI6 Agent
    (Sir James and Lord Felix take their leave of Lady Madeleine.)
    Sir James: Tell me more about thine alchemist.
    Lord Felix: It seems he hath disappeared in a Flash. Whence he hath gone, no-one knows, though some suspect ‘twas westward.
    Sir James: Towards West-a-world?
    Lord Felix: Where I hath lately been languishing? Nay, Sir James – towards Bohemia, I suspect, under wraps...
    Sir James: I wish’t I couldst help thee, Lord Felix, but mine licence I hath revoked, as I am wont to do once every 20 years or so. Mayhap I couldst consult mine former alchemist, though, for insight. I believeth he must be nearing completion repairing my chariot. Which he also is wont to do every four or five years or so, every time another one bites the dust.
    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,433MI6 Agent
    Great! Perhaps there should be a joke about license rovoked and how Americans suposedly don't understand it or think it's about a driver's license?
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 38,099Chief of Staff
    :)) :)) :)) Lovely stuff, C&D and N24!


    (Sir James and Lord Felix take their leave of Maid Madeleine.)
    Sir James: Tell me more about thine alchemist.
    Lord Felix: It seems he hath disappeared in a Flash.
    Sir James: Aha!
    Lord Felix: Whence he hath gone, no-one knows, though some suspect ‘twas westward.
    Sir James: Towards West-a-world?
    Lord Felix: Where I hath lately been languishing? Nay, Sir James – towards Bohemia, I suspect, under wraps...
    Sir James: I wish’t I couldst help thee, Lord Felix, but mine licence I hath revoked, as I am wont to do once every 20 years or so.
    Lord Felix: (Puzzled.) But what if thou wanted to drive a chariot?
    Sir James: Nay, I am speaking of the licence that gives me the freedom to kill in more ways than just with a chariot. Mayhap I couldst consult mine former alchemist, though, for insight. I believeth he must be nearing completion repairing my chariot. Which he also is wont to do every four or five years or so, every time another one bites the dust.
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,433MI6 Agent
    I think "Nay, I am speaking of the license that gives me the freedom to kill in more ways than just with a chariot" is better than "Nay, not that licence"
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    :)) :)) :))
    All very funny ideas {[]
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,433MI6 Agent
    The first scene should have a line or two about the undertaker's wind :))
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 38,099Chief of Staff
    All included now! :)

    Edit:

    How about:
    Maid Madeleine: Is that the undertaker's wind?
    Sir James: nay, 'tis just those beans I had for dinner.
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,433MI6 Agent
    I just noticed: it should be : "I hope you didn't take note of our modest garden". Makes more sense.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 38,099Chief of Staff
    19956035-10211087882525215-6824055758599374443-o.jpg

    A secluded beach hut. The undertaker's wind blows softly. Sir James and Maid Madeleine lie in bed.
    Maid Madeleine: Oh, Sir James, the life this most surely ist.
    Sir James: Aye, 'tis so. (They kiss.) Mmmm...
    Maid Madeleine: Is that the undertaker's wind?
    Sir James: Nay, 'tis just those beans I had for dinner.
    Maid Madeleine: I didst warn thee about that.
    Sir James: Thine love doth eclipse all others.
    Maid Madeleine: And we have all the time in-
    Sir James: Hush now, do not say these words!
    (There ist a knock on ye door. Enter Lord Felix.)
    Maid Madeleine: Careful, that door is broken. It has caused many a shatter'd hand.
    Lord Felix: Entering your manor is seldom without risico, Sir James.
    Sir James: Lord Felix! Most pleased I am to see thee.
    Lord Felix: Greetings, Sir James, I take it thou art rested and relaxed?
    Sir James: Aye, I am glad to say you are Wright.
    boris.png
    Lord Felix: Many are glad that I am Wright.
    Maid Madeleine: I hope thou did not take note of our modest garden. Nothing will grow there- 'tis truly a garden of death.
    Sir James: Only last month our gardener Hildebrand was a rarity in these parts. Now he has become a regular Death Collector of our plants. But what brings you here, Lord Felix?
    Lord Felix: I have come to ask for thine help with a most important matter. An alchemist of great renown has gone missing, and I request thine help in finding him.
    Sir James: Nay, I would rather slit my wrists.
    Lord Felix: I do not believe thou means that.
    Sir James: Hmmm...
    Maid Madeleine: Nay! Thou must stay here with me!
    Sir James: 'Twill not take long, my love, and then we shalt have all the time in the-
    Maid Madeleine: Hush!!! Do not say those words!
    Lord Felix: Forgive my asking, but you're my best friend- now that you are retired, Sir James, have you been given a new title from Her Majesty?
    Sir James: I am still waiting for a new title. Only days ago was there a ceremony held at old Sir Ian's manor. All believed my new title would be announced. Alas two new Ladies in Waiting was all that was revealed. Still, God save the Queen.
    Maid Madeleine: Both Sir James and I were present. Sir James likes to attend ceremonies where young ladies are uncovered.
    Lord Felix: No change there, then. Shall we go?
    Maid Madeleine: Sir James- keep yourself alive.
    Sir James: Of course- don't stop me now.
    (Sir James and Lord Felix take their leave of Maid Madeleine.)
    Sir James: Tell me more about thine alchemist.
    Lord Felix: It seems he hath disappeared in a Flash.
    Sir James: Aha!
    Lord Felix: Whence he hath gone, no-one knows, though some suspect ‘twas westward.
    Sir James: Towards West-a-world?
    Lord Felix: Where I hath lately been languishing? Nay, Sir James – towards Bohemia, I suspect, under wraps...
    Sir James: A Bohemian wraps story, eh? I wish’t I couldst help thee, Lord Felix, but mine licence I hath revoked, as I am wont to do once every 20 years or so.
    Lord Felix: (Puzzled.) But what if thou wanted to drive a chariot?
    Sir James: Nay, I am speaking of the licence that gives me the freedom to kill in more ways than just with a chariot. Mayhap I couldst consult mine former alchemist, though, for insight. I believeth he must be nearing completion repairing my chariot. Which he also is wont to do every four or five years or so, every time another one bites the dust.
  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,358MI6 Agent
    :)) :)) :)) shaping up nicely!
    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 38,099Chief of Staff
    Great teamwork. I'm looking forward to finding more scenes to take the pi... er, parody.
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,433MI6 Agent
    There is the scene shot in Norway. Not much to work on, but I think the girl should be very confused about who her parents are and in what country she's in ….
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 38,099Chief of Staff
    As you say, not much to work on there. We'd need some dialogue (the stuff with James, Madeleine and Felix was fairly straightforward).
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,433MI6 Agent
    We also have the man with the mask (a halloween joke?), the chase on the ice and her falling into the lake (or just crouching down) and the masked man (masked avenger?) cutting a hole in the ice in a circle around himself. It has potential. Perhaps he thinks the girl has fallen through the ice and he cuts a hole for himself to find her under the ice? The origin of his axe/sword can also be made a joke out of. "I found it in the White Lord's Dungeon (a GoT white walkers and Night King joke, perhaps?) so no-one is likely to be looking for it and the Axe has probably never drawn blood before.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 38,099Chief of Staff
    I don't think I could pull that scene off. If someone else were to start it, I'd be happy to chip in.
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,433MI6 Agent
    edited April 2019
    Here's a start. Take it or leave it …..


    A secluded hut by a non-descript lake in a non-discript pine forest. 'Tis winter.

    Young Maiden: Pray tell, where am I? Switzerland, Austria, Finland or even worse- Norway? Everyone speaks only English, but no man can tell this place from any other wintery land! (Sighs.)

    And where are my parents? Who are my parents? The Pale King? Not the man made of ice leading an army of undead from the far North beyond the wall. Nay, the scary one. Perhaps Lady Madeleine and Sir James, who is such an irresponsible father he didn't even meet my mother until I was a child aged seven? Perchance Sir Malek, who has such a disturbing manner he can scare people away by simply stating what he likes?
    (Pauses.)

    Young Maiden: Who am I? There are more questions in heaven and Earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

    (A man dressed in white, wearing a white coat and wielding a battle axe, enters.)
    Young Maiden: Father?
    Masked Knave: Kidnap or slay?
    Young Maiden: Is this the custom of Halloween in this curse'd land?

    (The Masked Knave raises the axe. The Young Maiden runs and the Knave runs after her.)

    Young Maiden: I must be in Norway. If only I can find something to break his kneecaps, like they do in figure skating.

    (The Masked Knave swings the axe and almost cuts the Young Maiden's head off.)

    Young Maiden: I have seen that axe before, in ye Pale King's dungeon. The king must be my father - and he knows and cares about me!

    (The Young Maiden smiles and sprints faster with great optimism.)

    Young Maiden: I spy a snowman on the ice. I've heard they made The Snowman in Norway and t'was a calamity, but it may be my salvation.

    (The Maiden turns to the knave and points behind him.)

    Young Maiden: Behold, good sir! The Lord of the Treasury is handing out silver to minstrels from faraway lands.

    (The Masked Knave turns, the Maiden hides behind the snowman.)

    Masked Knave: The Maiden has fallen through the ice. I must dig myself into a hole!

    (The Knave cuts a hole with his axe. He jumps into the icy water and drowns.)

    Young Maiden: The dull knave cut a hole around himself in the ice. Brave Sir James would never have done such a foolish thing, may the sky fall first!
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 38,099Chief of Staff
    :) :) Now the maid runs off onto the ice. The masked man follows...
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,433MI6 Agent
    Perhaps some reference to figure skating - "Scream on Ice"? Tonya Harding and Nancy Carrigan?
    I think the girl should kneel down on the ice (like she does on the video). The idiot masked man believes she has fallen through the ice and starts cutting the ice in a circle around himself. I don't know how to make it funny yet, so please contribute.
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,433MI6 Agent
    edited April 2019
    When the Masked Knave raises the axe and chases her on the ice, she can say:

    Young maid: "I must be in Norway. If only I can find something to break his kneecaps, like they do in figure skating".
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 38,099Chief of Staff
    I don't know how to make this funny either. That's what I meant by this scene being beyond me.
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,433MI6 Agent
    What do you mean by "either"? :))

    (The Masked Knave swings the axe and almost cuts the Young Maiden's head off)
    Young Maiden: "I have seen that Axe before, in the Pale King's dungeon. He must be my father!"
    (The Young Maid smiles and sprints faster with great optimism)


    (after the Masked Knave drowns)
    Young Maiden: The dull knave cut a hole around himself in the ice. Brave Sir James would never have done such a foolish thing!
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,433MI6 Agent
    Can anyone think of something (preferably ridicolous) she can hide behind on the ice?
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,433MI6 Agent
    I think I've found a solution: a snowman.
    But any help is still welcome
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    A frozen parody, or should I let it go ? ;)
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,433MI6 Agent
    Please, go ahead!


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  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 38,099Chief of Staff
    Yes, please!
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 38,099Chief of Staff
    I've done some editing, etc. Still needs to be funnier!

    A secluded hut by a non-descript lake in a non-descript pine forest. 'Tis winter.

    Young Maiden: Pray tell, where am I? Switzerland, Austria, Finland or even worse- Norway? Everyone speaks only English, but no man can tell this place from any other wintery land!

    (Sighs.)

    And where are my parents? Who are my parents? The Pale King? Not the man made of ice leading an army of undead from the far North beyond the wall. Nay, the scary one. Perhaps Maid Madeleine and Sir James, who is such an irresponsible father he didn't even meet my mother until I was a child aged seven? Perchance Sir Malek, who has such a disturbing manner he can scare people away by simply stating what he likes?

    (Pauses.)

    Young Maiden: Who am I? There are more questions in heaven and Earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

    (A man dressed in white, wearing a coat and wielding a battle axe, enters.)

    Young Maiden: Father?
    Masked Knave: Kidnap or slay?
    Young Maiden: Is this the custom of Halloween in this curse'd land?

    (The Masked Knave raises the axe. The Young Maiden runs and the Knave runs after her.)

    Young Maiden: I must be in Norway. If only I can find something to break his kneecaps, like they do in figure skating.

    (The Knave swings the axe and almost cuts ye Young Maiden's head off.)

    Young Maiden: I have seen that axe before, in ye Pale King's dungeon. The king must be my father!

    (Ye Young Maiden smiles and sprints faster with great optimism.)

    Young Maiden: I spy a snowman on the ice. I've heard they made The Snowman in Norway and t'was a calamity, but it may be my salvation.

    (Ye Maiden turns to the Knave and points behind him.)

    Young Maiden: Behold, good sir! The Lord of the Treasury is handing out silver to minstrels from faraway lands.

    (The Knave turns, the Maiden hides behind the snowman.)

    Masked Knave: The Maiden has fallen through the ice. I must dig myself into a hole!

    (The Knave cuts a hole with his axe. He jumps into the icy water and drowns.)

    Young Maiden: The dull knave cut a hole around himself in the ice. Brave Sir James would never have done such a foolish thing, the sky would fall first!
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,433MI6 Agent
    I made some small changes. I think Swann Lake and Frozen can be mined for laughs, but I don't know how. Any ideas?
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    a few Ideas ?


    A secluded hut by a non-descript lake in a non-descript pine forest. 'Tis winter. A young
    Maiden sits by a white canvas, using white paint to capture the snow white landscape.

    Young Maiden: Pray tell, where am I? Spain, Australia, India or even worse- Norway? I whish I was
    better at geography !
    Everyone speaks only English, but no man can tell this place from any other wintery land! (Sighs.)
    and where are my parents? Who are my parents? Why are my Parents, ? and How doth Sir Nicholas
    of Cage still get parts in plays ? ( Sighs)
    The Pale King? Not the man made of ice leading an army of undead from the far North beyond the wall. Nay, the scary one. Perhaps Maid Madeleine and Sir James, who is such an irresponsible father he didn't even meet my mother until I was a child aged seven? Or Naught, Naught Seven as Sir James Jokes in his Dad jokes way
    Perchance Sir Malek, who has such a disturbing manner he can scare people away by simply stating what he likes? Although he does enjoy a good sing along. Oh I want to break Free and find someone to love. ( Sighs )
    Young Maiden: Who am I? There are more questions in heaven and Earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Or in the SABS tavern Quiz
    (A man dressed in white, wearing a coat and wielding a battle axe, enters.)
    Young Maiden: Who art thou Mine Father? .. a canvasser for the EU elections ?
    Masked Knave: Kidnap or slay?
    Young Maiden: Is this the custom of Halloween in this curse'd land?
    (The Masked Knave raises the axe. The Young Maiden runs and the Knave runs after her.)
    Young Maiden: I must be in Norway. If only I can find something to break his kneecaps, like they do in figure skating. Like the Lady Tonya Harding, she takes some beating, .... and gives them out too.
    (The Knave swings the axe and almost cuts ye Young Maiden's head off.)
    Young Maiden: He has a powerful weapon, He charges, ....... again
    I have seen that axe before, in ye Pale King's dungeon. The king must be my father!
    (Ye Young Maiden smiles and sprints faster with great optimism.)
    Young Maiden: I spy a snowman on the ice. I've heard they made The Snowman in Norway and t'was a calamity, but it may be my salvation. For where there be a snowman, there be snowballs ! I could
    throw.
    (Ye Maiden turns to the Knave and points behind him.)
    Young Maiden: Behold, good sir! The Lord of the Treasury is handing out silver to those with the biggest Chopper !
    (The Knave turns, the Maiden hides behind the snowman. She throws the snowballs at the Knave,
    as he falls. He crashes through the Ice, only his axe stops him from completely sinking. The Maiden
    runs to him, grabbing at his Chopper ..... )
    Young Maiden : Let it go, let it go !
    Knave : I'm under pressure, I want to break free.
    Young Maiden : Who want's to live forever ?
    ( His hands slip fron the axe and he sinks below the water )
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
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