we started this project on pg83 post 2475 only three weeks ago, that means approx 300 posts already.
Theres a whole mess of ideas for the last Acte over those ten pages, and I thought it'd help to start by posting a list of direct links to everything I can find.
if I've missed one let me know and I'll add it, I sort of remember what i suggested but will not be so familar with everyone elses so remind me, and hopefully we catch them all.
I'm just moving from pg 83 forwards...
from me: post 2477 a vague idea for the Death Scene
me again post 2499 a more detailed sketch of the Death Scene, incorporating DouDou or not DouDou soliloquy. the actual swordfight and Bond's last words are left blank.
me again post 2510 the Bismallah no sequence, I think this one is good as is and ends with Bond entering Safins throne room.
@Barbel posts a picture of The StarGazer in period appropriate costume in post 2513
@Gymkata provides lengthy transcriptions of film dialog Feddy Mercury-ified and Shakespear-imified in post 2514
actually that whole page almost every post has at least one idea for the final act. so read all posts carefully
at this point we got more disciplined and focussed on the earlier acts, but still with recurring ideas for the last act as they came to us
in post 2551 Barbel gives us Freddy Mercury's voice double after Safin's death, this is pretty tight
then begins some discussion of the space this is all happening in starting post 2556
westward suggest a balcony post 2566 and Bill Haley(?) pun
from me a version of Bonds death where he turns into a BoJo post 2582 (barbel doesnt like it)
from me a death scene on the balcony that directly references Fleming post 2600 , barbel has followup comments
from me, a gag about "who will be the next bond" to follow the first epilog post 2605
..and that only gets us to end of pg88, halfway to this page, I'll add links to the rest later if this is helping
EDIT: post 2635 I suggested rewriting a portion of the scene where Bond surrenders to Safin with an extended passage from March of the Black Queen and this being a possible spot for the StarGazer to take his lute solo
post 2641 has the actual passage from March of the Black Queen I'd like Safin and Bond to quote from as Bond appears to surrender
post 2643 renders the killer lute solo as seen from the PoV of two lute enthusiasts in the audience, hopped up on mouldy bread. note these two characters reappear in westwards final epilog. this lute solo could either go at the end of the Bismallah no sequence (but i think itd be funnier if bonds arrival interrupts the solo at the first note) or if we use the March of the Black Queen passage further on it could follow that, then lead back into proper dialog
post 2680 gymkata and westward begin some discussion about Bond's final soliloquy, which would be Barbel's specialty. continuing over next several posts (and note Barbel suggested a soliloquy for when Bond meets Mathilde, a few posts above, I do not think has been incorporated yet in the Norway scenes)
post 2690 Barbel's first draft for a last solioquy
post 2701 I've noted the location of several screencaps we can use to illustrate the big whiteout as the evil hedquarters getys blowed up real good
post 2703 a passage from Fleming we can borrow from for stage descriptions of the sword fight. Note we cant use the actual death of Blofeld because thats already happened, we need a different death for safin. see also post 2705
@caractacus potts That is quite a list. After my marathon image drop to Barbel over the last couple days I am happy to just throw the occasional joke into the mix. I am glad I don't have to keep all this in mind while fashioning a rousing conclusion.
and thats only halfway through, I can remember several other specifically from more recent pages. I wont get time to complete the list of links tonight, maybe not tomorrow either, but we should note them all or we'll never find them all again.
@Westward_Drift you also have the second epilog complete. maybe we don't worry about the two epilogs for now, theyre separate from the Fifth Act.
I was thinking of copying and pasting all those posts content into this latest page, so we can see it all at a glance. an even huger task, would that help? if this was a real life project thats exactly what I would do for this next step before going any further. but I wont attempt that until someone else confirms itd be helpful.
Caractacus, yes that's very useful and more would also help. There's a lot to keep track of.
I'm next wanting to use caractacus' big BoRap scene, inserting Gymkata's work as much as I can, while interspersing ("meanwhile") Sir J and Nomi making their way through, spotting cesspools, and meeting then slaying ye Annoying Little Alchemist. So as you can see, I'm going to be busy.
(Having landed onshore, Sir James and Nomi make their way toward Safin’s castle.)
Sir James: (Via ye enchanted bracelet.) Art we heading in ye right direction, Young Wizard?
Young Wizard: (Via ye enchanted bracelet.) Aye, keep going in ye direction ye art heading.
Nomi: Look there, Sir James.
Nomi: We must be careful.
Sir James: Dangerous plants? Ha! This I shalt have to see to believe.
Nomi: No problem- look closer.
Sir James: Ah.
Nomi: Nevertheless, we must continue in this way to reach ye castle.
Sir James: Hmmm, I suppose thou art right.
Nomi: Careful, watch thine feet!
Sir James: A cesspool. Most surely foul things art being hatched here.
(They draw closer, and spy some figures working in ye garden. One looks familiar….)
Sir James: Ye Annoying Little Alchemist! I didst think we might be encountering him again.
Nomi: And now ist ye time to seize him again!
(Sir James and Nomi lay seige to ye guards and other alchemists. Some they kill outright by ye just severity of their attack, some fall into ye cesspits and die a most foul death. Soon, ye Annoying Little Alchemist ist in their power once more, as he was in Cuba.)
Sir James: We bid thee greetings. I am sure ye situation ist perfectly clear to thee. (He displays his sword.)
Annoying Little Alchemist: (Giggling nervously.) Oh yes, perfectly clear.
Nomi: Thou willst tell us what ist being made in this… garden of death,
Annoying Little Alchemist: Mine master prefers ye term “poison garden”.
Sir James: He canst call it a bag of bees for all that I care. What is going on?
Annoying Little Alchemist: Why, ‘tis perfectly obvious. Here we art breeding ye nano-fleas, which can be directed at any individual or family or race that I design.
Sir James: (Via ye enchanted bracelet.) Hast thou heard, Young Wizard?
Young Wizard: (Via ye enchanted bracelet.) Most certainly. Sir Gareth hast provided warships ready to take aim and destroy yon island when ye word ist given.
Sir James: Ye word ist not given yet- I must go inside yon castle first and rescue mine… family. Nomi, take charge of this piece of scum. (Sir James exits.)
Nomi: With great pleasure.
Annoying Little Alchemist: “Piece of scum”- ha!
Nomi: I could think of worse things to call ye.
Annoying Little Alchemist: Thou art only jealous because I have more lines in this play than you do.
Nomi: Oh? That problem ist easily dealt with.
(She pushes him into the nearest cesspool, in which he dies smellily and noisily. A little distance away, Sir James hears ye noise.)
Sir James: Hmm, that sounds like ye noise we heard in Cuba. However, no time to pry- ahead lies ye door of ye castle. Wait… a sound from inside? That doth sound like…. singing....
No, I think later. If everyone is happy with the scene above, I'm planning on the big BoRap scene next followed by Gymkata's scene. Then Pradeep, before the last fight. But it's easy to get the order of things wrong, keep steering me and pointing out things I miss.
This is a huge scene and I know I've missed some parts- please advise!
------------------------
ACT 4, SCENE 3
------------------------
(Safin is seated on a throne in his chamber, minions lined up behind him. On the wall is a vast stylised Q logo, adorned with two lions, a crab, some sort of bird and two faeries. Ye “Q” of course stands for “Quantum”- you were thinking of something else?)
(In front, in chains are Madeleine and Mathilde.)
Madeleine: Let us go!
Safin: Bismallah, no, I will not let you go! (Waves black fingernail at Madeleine.)
Mathilde: Wet uth go!
Safin: Bismallah, no, I will not let you go! (Bends slightly and waves black fingernail at Mathilde.)
Madeleine and Mathilde: Let us go!
Safin: I will not let you go! Never!
Minion 1: (Leans in from left.) Never!
Minion 2: (Leans in from right.) Never!
Safin: Never, ever, ever let you go!
Mathilde: (Looks to Madeleine.) Mama mia!
Madeleine: (Looks to Mathilde.) Mama mia!
Madeleine and Mathilde: (Both look to Safin.) Mama mia! Let us go!
Pierce Brosnan: (Poking his head out from behind curtain, stage left) Mamma Mia? Oh, is this my cue?
All Players: (In unison:) No! No! No! No! Nooo!!!!
(A variety of stray objects are thrown in Brosnan's direction, including at least one glass vessel full of Evil Nano-Fleas. Brosnan beats a hasty retreat never to return in this play…. Maybe.)
Safin: Er, whoops I lost my place! How embarrassing my darlings, now where was I? Oh yes, ahem- (Raises hand full of black fingernails dramatically.) for Beezelbub has a devil set aside for me!
Minion 1: (Leans in from left.) And me!
Minion 2: (Leans in from right.) And me!
Safin and all minions in unison: (Safin rises from throne and waves a hand full of black fingernails high above his head as he projects ye high note to the back row) For meee!!!!
(Enter from stage right a Starwatcher with long curly hair carrying a lute (Indeed a most beautiful red lute that was made at home by he and his father when he was a boy.)
who takes position one step behind Safin and to his left, our right. Minions discreetly assemble ye olde effectes peddles before him. Safin dramatically lowers his arm and takes one step back, ye Starwatcher steps forward to centre stage wielding his lute, and all other Players fall silent and step back into the darkness. Ye Starwatcher begins strumming, and continues, and continues some more, it is an epic noodly killer lute solo. Ye lute fanatics in Ye Rowdy Audience are all amazed and begin to debate what they are hearing...)
1st Fanatic: Is he as good as Zoso of Page?
2nd Fanatic: Well Zoso's an Occultist of course, that's very square in this new era. Whereas ye Starwatcher observes ye movement of ye objects in ye heavens and derives a theory of ye universe from first principals, like that fellow ye Pope just had put to death. Therefore ye Starwatcher is a Heretic, much more radical than a boring old Occultist .
1st Fanatic: Yeah, my parents are into ye Occult, so pre-Renaissance, all ye cool kids are into Heresy.
3rd Fanatic: Yeah, Heresy rules!
2nd Fanatic: But what of Gilmour of Cambridge?
3rd Fanatic: Oh you mean Floyde who art Pink? Aw, you've got to be on rye ergot to listen to the weird noises he makes on his pedal steel lute!
1st Fanatic: Speaking of which, this is some awesome mouldy bread, is it not?
2nd Fanatic: Oh, wowww, I'm totally seeing Bosch-like visions superimposed on top of tonight's performance!
3rd Fanatic: Oh wait, ye killer lute solo is coming to an end, I think there's finally going to be some more dialogue in this Play.
(But ye lute fanatics art wrong, at least at first. Sir James comes up the stairs, armed, to face Safin. Looking around, he sees that there are several other armed men staring back at him. Slowly, he continues up ye stairs. As he reaches ye top, he sees Safin with young Mathilde.)
Safin: Hail and well met. I prithee, lay thine weapon on ye floor.
(Sir James lays his sword on ye floor.)
Safin: Pray, your sidearm as well. Take ye utmost of care...a flick of the wrist and she's dead.
(Sir James pauses. Safin throws a pillow in the air.)
Safin: Watch her spread her wings and fly away!
(Ye henchmen shoot ye pillow.)
Sir James: Alas, I shall do it!
(Sir James drops his flintlock.)
Safin: Please, take pleasure and sit with me.
(Sir James sits.)
Sir James: (To Mathilde.) Faith, dear child. Be assured that all shall be correct.
Safin: Sir James Bond...a violent history most intense, an ability to kill with impunity, a most profound grievance with the Comte de Blofeld, enraptured by the beauty of Madeleine Swann. 'Tis true, I see myself in you. We are both killer queens, you and I.
Sir James: Different choices have taken us down different paths.
Safin: On the contrary, only our methods are different. You say black, I say white...you say dog, I say bite...Jaws was never my scene and I don't like Star Wars. When you die, your abilities shall pass as well...mine shall persist beyond my life. And life? Faith, my dear Sir James...life is all about your legacy. True?
(He pauses.)
Safin: This can be beautiful, not ugly. We can leave each other alone, you and I. Perchance, do you agree?
Sir James: There is much truth in what thou sayest.
Safin: You have my thanks.
Sir James: Truly, we are much alike. We have both lost all before being given the chance to keep anything. 'Tis a shame that we never had a chance, is it not? Just one chance...we all deserve that much.
(He pauses again.)
Sir James: But, you are building something that can truly destroy everything without any else getting that well deserved chance, no?
Safin: Faith, you are correct. However, nobody cares to realize that they do not want that chance...they are all simply waiting for the hammer to fall. We lie to ourselves and to others about what we want and what we dream, but this is all ephemeral. Everyone is under pressure and nobody wants to make decisions. Nobody wants to tear it up. We want to be instructed how best to live our lives and then pass quietly one day. Who wants to live forever?
(Again he pauses.)
Safin: So...now I'm here. I'm truly a prince of the universe, Mr. Bond. I'm quietly guiding them to oblivion.
Sir James: Those who play at God are not treated well by historians-
Thy villainous deeds dost not a great villain make.
Thou seeks to wear a God’s coronet,
But with thine lack of character and motivation
Thou art but a villain-ette.
Safin: But you? You will be treated well? Come now, you are death on two legs, Mr. Bond. We both do away with others to improve the world, do we not? We want a clean world, do we not?The world must grow and not stagnate. You are against this goal, true? You would defy me at every chance. I want to break free and you would deny me. However...and please don't take offence at my innuendo...I've made you obsolete.
Sir James: Nay, I must be against that point of view. With people like you in the world...those who want it all...you are merely joining a large contingent of short men with large dreams.
Safin: Nay, I am truly passionate about life! About that crazy little thing called love! Anon, you must undo what you have done up until now, Sir James. You must render your explosives impotent and depart my island forthwith. Do that and you may take this beautiful angel with you and keep yourselves alive.
Sir James: Pray, and Madeleine? May she also be free of this place?
Safin: Alas, she must remain here until you are long away from here.
Sir James: That is not acceptable.
Safin: ‘Tis an unfortunate thing. Thou has dashed ye dreams of young Mathilde. She understands that departing from here is her chance to survive and thrive. Yay, perchance to dream and find somebody to love.
Sir James: Speak not, let her truthfully tell me ye same.
Safin: Sir James...what would a mother undertake to ensure ye safety and well being of her offspring?
Sir James: But soft! Is that what happened to your mother? Did you tie your mother down?
Safin: My mother? Truly, she laid at my feet and passed out of this world as I watched.
(He grows angry.)
Safin: So you think you can stop me and spit in my eye? You're just an overgrown schoolboy! Let me tan your hide!
(Safin takes Mathilde up in his arms, angrily.)
Sir James: Anon, hold fast! You have won...you are the champion, the champion of the world. I shall abide by your wishes.
Safin: Indeed you shall.
Sir James: I tender my most sincere apologies.
(Sir James bows on ye floor.)
Safin: We all have choices, Sir James. Some difficult, some hard. You say Rolls, I say Royce...you say God, give me a choice...I don't want to be ye President of America. Dost thou wish to perish before your daughter's eyes? Dost thou wish for her to perish before thine eyes?
Sir James: Nay! Nay nay nay, I say thee nay! Please, accept my apologies.
I forget how it happens in the movie, but for us this might work...
A scene of Bond and Nomi entering the castle precedes above, they pass the cesspools.
Do they separate in the film? I don't remember Nomi in the Bond vs Safin scenes, so they must.
They could separate. Bond says something like "you place the Elizabethan era limpet mines and I'll find Madeleine and Mathilde", and exits the stage.
That leaves Nomi alone by the cesspools giving her the chance to kill the Alchemist.
From that, we cut directly the Safin's throne room, and the exact scene as above, and Bond enters halfway through after the lute solo.
So we still have to write this scene of Bond and Nomi entering the castle ending with the death of the alchemist.
(EDIT: I see @Barbel 's already done just that! never mind)
how does it go after Bond and Safin meet? I've completely forgot up til Bond is on his own and is almost out of the castle, then turns round. its probably in @Gymkata 's draft.
Bond and wife and child must somehow separate from Safin and reencounter Nomi, who then escapes with mother and child on a liferaft, leaving Bond alone. Bond has to do something with the automatic roof which will not translate so readily into Elizabethan, before trying to escape himself and remembering he needs to also find DouDou. From that point on we've got several overlapping versions.
So I think that's another scene we don't have any version of yet, between Bond's first scene with Safin, and Bond turning round at the castle doors to go back inside.
speaking of Nomi Madeleine and Mathilde's escape...
it amuses me that there is finally a liferaft at the end of a CraigBond film, but Bond isnt on it. Could we have a gag referencing that? Perhaps see that Austin Powers outtake where Elizabeth Hurley says "but where did the liferaft come from?" and Austin answers "all my adventures end like this, baby!". We could do some variation of that, but I cant think of one that's funny. Anyway, Nomi Madeleine and Mathilde escape the villains HQ in the usual liferaft and hardluck CraigBond remains in the HQ and gets himself blowed up. Some other James Bond will Return.
maybe he doesnt need to do anything with the roof? the castles not a missile base, it doesnt have automatic roof doors, none of that translates, so why overcomplicate?
Bond sees Madeleine and Mathilde safely into the liferaft and is so pleased with himself he begins humming his themesong (see my rough sketch post 2499) "Dadoo dadoo, da doodoo, Dadoo doo, dahh DooDoo!" which makes Mathilde suddenly say "DouDou! I dwopped Doodou" Madeleine: "where honey?" Mathilde: "back in the gawden of deaf!"
Bond tries to persuade the toddler to forget the silly doll, Mathilde starts crying and Madeleine insists Bond try to find the doll or she'll never take her nap, motivating Bond to turn back, and the others escape while they can.
That way we skip some back and forth, eliminate the problem of the anachronistic technobabble, get a funny scene of Bond trying to relate to a wife and toddler, and motivation to turn round that will lead directly the the Garden of Death and the final battle between hero and villain.
Bond can encounter Predeep at this point, after leaving the liferaft and before returning to the Garden of Death
Caractacus, post 2756 does exactly what you ask in 2765, I genuinely don't see what more is needed, we'd be overcomplicating to do something else.
Next scene covers Sir James and Madeleine meeting up with Nomi. Mathilde bites Safin and runs away; Madeleine finds her, Sir J puts the 3 of them on ye stealth boat + tells ye Young Wizard to have the ships fire away.
Then we get into the already written death scene- or scenes.
didnt see your post 2756 when I was writing that, what with the page turning an all! indeed you covered all plot points I thought of and more. as a wise woman once said "Never mind!"
Do you want to do the scene I've outlined in 2768, including all the stuff you mention in 2766?
you mean something like this?
____________________
[does anybody else remember how Bond and Madeleine escape Safin? anyway they have and now they're wandering the Evil headquarters freely, down corridors right past all the minions]
minion 1: say isn't that the Good Guys in this adventure? they're not supposed to be out here, are they?
minion 2: somebody oughta tell the boss
minion 1: more'n I'm paid for, why doesn't someone else do it?
minion 2: why doesnt the boss tell the boss? surely thats a boss's job!
minion 1: yeh! say, any of those donuts left in the minions' breakroom?
Madeleine: Well isn't this bloody great , I oughta have known, the very first time you're given responsibility for our, er , I mean my child you go and lose her!
Bond: Look, I didnt lose her! it was that evil supervillain, whom you seem suspiciously close to I might add! you know that reminds me, you had some sort of secret!
Madeleine: again with the secret! what secret?!!? You have already seen the big secret!
Bond: aha! you admit you have a secret!!!
Madeleine: secret secret bloody secrets! that all you ever talk about!
[they round a corner and approach the cesspools. Rats and fleas crawl everywhere, while minions clad in Plague doctors masks stir the green bubbling swill. Nomi appears]
Nomi: aha I knew you two oughta get along! hello Madeleine! but where's, er , uh-oh!
(Bond and Madeleine begin squabbling again)
Nomi; hohoho, this is too much, the great swinging shagadelic secret agent saddled with ball and chain! I cant believe I gave you back your number, typical teevee dad! Bo-ringgg!
____________________
(Safin is once again stooping and waving his black fingernail at Mathilde )
Safin: Now see her little girl you, I'll Cruella DeVille you... and buzz-kill you, I'm not very nice!
(black fingernail getting awfully close to Mathilde's nose)
(Mathilde winks at audience)
(Mathilde leaps up and chomps baby teeth deep into Safin's finger)
Safin: ye-owtch!
(Safin leaps straight up, Mathilde still latched on)
Safin: Waahhhh!! Hah-hah-hah-hah-Hahhhh!!!
(Safin hops around in a circle, waving arm in full repeated arcs back and forth over shoulder, with toddler not loosing grip)
Safin: You suck my blood like a leech! You break my skin and you breech! You've sunk your teeth and it hurts!
(minions scramble chaotically)
minion 1: what the hell's going on?
minion 2: boss tell us what to do!
minion 3: duh we're only minions nobody trained us what to do (etc)
(as Safin swings arm in direction of exit, Mathilde chooses moment to release tooth-grip and flies backwards, hits ground with a smooth backwards roll, performs two backwards summersaults and lands on tiny toddler toes, tiny toddler fingers poised for balance, a step before the doorframe)
(Mathilde's eyes quickly move left and right)
minions (busy running in circles bumping into walls and each other) : duh, which way did she go? which way did she go?
(Safin is clutching his arm, blood spurting from finger like a geyser)
Safin: Each moment this goes on a die a little! I just cant get no relief! Somebody!
minion 1: (leans in from left) somebody!
Safin: ooh, somebody !!
minion 2: (leans in from right) somebody!
Safin: Can anybody find me ... a frikkin' band-aid right now?!!?
(Mathilde tiptoes out doorway and begins to wander Evil Headquarters unsupervised
but DouDou has been left behind...)
____________________
(Mathilde passes balcony, then tiptoes down long shadowy corridors seven teeny steps at a time, pausing at each eighth step, glancing quickly left and right. By following this ancient secret toddler ninja move, she evades all notice from the minions.)
Mathilde (passes a torture chamber and begins to hum): DouDou, doodly DouDou
(Mathilde passes another room containing a periodically recurring time controlled geyser disguised with an outhouse seat, a torture device not used in this adventure)
Mathilde: (hums) dadoo, dadoo, da doodoo; dadoo doo, da DouDou!
(Mathilde notes newly discovered melody, pauses and has look in eye, like that time CraigBond tried on the suit and looked in the mirror in his first adventure)
(Mathilde comes to cesspools, pauses and sweeps eyes across landscape, noting positions of each minion and calculating further advance, when she spots...)
Madeleine (sweeps Mathilde up in arms): darling there you are! What a clever little girl you are to find Mommy all by yourself! (slaps Bond) unlike some people I could mention!
Nomi: er, gang, we better not hang around! lets get to that life raft before the minions notice and/or the villain's headquarters explodes!
minions: I like the ones with the sprinkles! how bout the ones with the jelly filling? anybody like the cruller? naw, didn't think so, I'll just throw it in a cesspool shall I?
____________________
Nomi: here's the liferaft!
(Nomi gets in first , Madeleine carefully follows, then once safely in holds arms out for Mathilde)
Mathilde: no mommy ! I can do this all by myself! evwybody watch!
(taking a running jump, Mathilde leaps off the dock high above the liferaft, then pauses motionless, suspended in midair in a kungfu type pose, while camera rotates bullet time style)
Madeleine; good girl honey!
Nomi: yes that was very good indeed!
Bond (still on dock, wipes tear with pride): that girl's going to make a fine secret agent some day...
(Bond feels so good about his days work, he begins to hum his own theme song as he takes first step off dock onto liferaft)
Bond: dadoo, dadoo, da doodoo
(Mathilde looks up from liferaft, recognising melody)
Bond: dadoo doo, da DouDou!
Mathilde: DouDou ! DouDou ! whew's DouDou ? I want my DouDou
Bond (almost in liferaft): there there little girl, we'll get you another DouDou when we get ashore
Mathilde (begins to wail): Noooo! i don't want anuffer DouDou ! I want my DouDou ! Whews my DouDou bwahhh! bwahhh!! bwahhh!!!
Madeleine: oh James be a dear and go back and look for her DouDou ! I'll never get her to take a nap when she's like this!
Bond: but, er that is to say, uh, poopsikins dearest, the villain's headquarters is about to explode and...
Madeleine: Bond James Bond! if you don't march right back in the villain's headquarters right now and look for our daughter's, er, i mean, my daughter's DouDou I shall never speak to you again!
Bond: (slaps hand over brow then climbs back onto dock): oh all right, grumble grumble, I guess I have no other choice but to attempt reentry!
(Bond reenters villain's headquarters as Nomi unties liferaft, and Nomi Madeleine and Mathilde safely escape)
(as liferaft drifts across sea, Mathilde watches backwards over stern. Nomi moves in close to Madeleine)
Nomi: so, you know what goes on, on these liferafts, don't you?
Madeleine (considers what a deadbeat loser Bond is): I'm listening...
Mathilde ( watching villains headquarters grow smaller on horizon): wow, I wondew what sowt of thwiwwing adwentures mommy's fwend will have as he twies to wescue DouDou?
specifically, when Mathilde chomps her baby teeth into Safin's finger, I'd rather he said
Safin: Waahhhh!! Hah-hah-hah-hah-Hahhhh!!! [which is the opening of Ogre Battle and typical of various Queen songs of this period]
You suck my blood like a leech! you break my skin and you breech! you've sunk your teeth and it hurts! [have we used that one yet? its appropriate here]
actually I'm going to write that into my post now. Gotta think about the others now.
"and to thrill you I'll use any device" may be inappropriate for a grownup to speak to a child, but is the rhyme, so maybe just hope noone misinterprets it. Unless someone can think of an alternate rhyme that fits the context.
EDIT: I've decided to paraphrase to something less innuendo-ish that also better fits the context (Innuendo-ish, heh!)
Safin: Now see her little girl you, I'll Cruella DeVille you... and buzz-kill you, I'm not very nice!
I'd still like Safin to ask for a bandage even if we cant find an appropriate Queen lyric, maybe just add it to whichever Queen lyric
EDIT: I decided this is a prefect place to paraphrase Somebody to Love's opening verse, now added into my post
Safin: Each moment this goes on a die a little! I just cant get no relief!
Somebody (somebody), ooh somebody (somebody)
Can anybody find me ... a frikkin' band-aid right now?!!?
What is the source of the final line Safin speaks? I don't really think Safin needs a line here, as this is from Mathilde's PoV and her big scene.
Thanks for finding it, but I'm leaving it out.
___________________________
note to @Barbel I've now edited in three Freddy quotes into post 2773 where I wanted them
Mathilde looking from the stern of the liferaft may be a good point to end the scene and return to Bond's Point of View.
But also may be a good spot for the camera to pan across the horizon and focus on the British Naval vessels preparing for their attack, especially since we know Bond is walking straight back into their target as they are poised to fire. Did anybody ever come up with better descriptions of the vessels or the chemistry of their giant cannonballs?
maybe thisd be a good @Number24 question, he's a historian and some sort of military engineer...
Off shore facing the Evil Headquarters, a fleet of English Naval vessels begjn to assemble. [three-masted sailing ships, diverted from the Caribbean? Naval history experts can describe them better]
On each ship's deck are several large catapults which somehow do not get in the way of the sails and rigging. Sailors load the catapults with explosive ammunition [chemistry or weapons experts need to complete this detail: the catapults shall hurl round objects about the size of a Volkswagen, with lit fuses, somehow not just filled with gunpowder so they explode and do damage, but also chemicals (phosphorus? magnesium?) that will cause a bright white flash and blind the Audience for a full minute]
Right, here is an attempt to Shakespeareise the above posts. Please read and make sure I've caught everything.
(Sir James and Madeleine are wandering ye evil headquarters freely, down corridors right past all ye henchmen.]
1st Henchman: Lo, I do believe those art ye heroes of this Play. Ought here they should not be, I say.
2nd Henchman: Someone should tell our leader.
1st Henchman: Ha! ‘Tis more than I am paid for, someone else should do this!
2ns Henchman: Ye leader should tell ye leader! Most surely ‘tis a leader’s job!
1st Henchman: Aye! Now, do any doughnuts remain in our waiting chamber?
Madeleine: This I should have known- ye first time thou hast been given responsibility for our, er, I mean my child thou hast gone and lost her!
Bond: Nay, ‘tis not so. ‘Twas yon evil villain, with whom thou do seem suspiciously close. And this brings to mind that thou did have some sort of secret!
Madeleine: Again with ye secret! What secret?!!? Thou hast already seen ye big secret!
Bond: Aha! Thou dost admit thou hast a secret!!!
Madeleine: Secret secret bloody secrets! That ist all you ever talk about!
(They round a corner and approach ye cesspools. Rats and fleas crawl everywhere, while henchmen clad in Plague Doctors masks stir ye green bubbling swill. Nomi appears.)
Nomi: Aha, I surely knew you two wouldst get along! Greetings Apothecary Swann! But where ist…. oh.
(Bond and Madeleine begin squabbling again.)
Nomi; Hohoho, this ist too much! Ye great swinging agent of discretion saddled with ball and chain! I cannot believe I gave thee back thine number, typical urban father! Bo-ringgg!
____________________
(Safin is once again stooping and waving his black fingernail at Mathilde.)
Safin: Now see here little girl you, I'll Cruella DeVille you... and buzz-kill you, I'm not very nice!
(His black fingernail ist getting awfully close to Mathilde's nose.
Mathilde winks at ye audience and...
Mathilde leaps up and chomps her baby teeth deep into Safin's finger!)
(Safin leaps straight up, then hops around in a circle, waving his arm in full repeated arcs back and forth over his shoulder, with ye toddler not losing grip.)
Safin:You suck my blood like a leech! You break my skin and you breech! You've sunk your teeth and it hurts!
(Ye henchmen scramble chaotically.)
1st Henchman: What in hell ist going on?
2nd Henchman: Mine liege, tell us what to do!
3rd Henchman: We art only henchmen, nobody trained us what to do!
(As Safin waves his arm in ye direction of ye exit, Mathilde chooses her moment to release her grip and flies backwards, hitting ye ground on a backwards roll then performing two backwards somersaults before landing on her tiny toddler toes, with tiny toddler fingers poised for balance, a step before ye doorframe.
Safin is clutching his arm, blood spurting from his finger like a geyser.)
Safin: Each moment this goes on I die a little! I just cant get no relief! Somebody!
1st Henchman: (Leans in from left.) Somebody!
Safin: Ooh, somebody !!
2nd Henchman: (Leans in from right.) Somebody!
Safin: Can anybody find me ... a frikkin' band-aid right now?!!?
(Mathilde's eyes quickly move left and right. Ye henchmen art busy running in circles bumping into walls and each other.)
1st Henchman: Duh, which way did she go?
2nd Henchman: Which way did she go?
(Safin is clutching his arm, blood spurting from his finger like a geyser.)
Safin: ...You've broken my heart, and now you leave me.
(Mathilde tiptoes out ye doorway and begins to wander ye evil headquarters unsupervised but DouDou has been left behind...)
Safin: You will remember, when this is blown over, and everything's all by the way...When I grow older, I will be there at your side to remind you how I still love you - I still love yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…..
(Mathilde passes ye balcony, then tiptoes down long shadowy corridors seven teeny steps at a time, pausing at each eighth step, glancing quickly left and right. By following this ancient secret toddler ninja move, she evades all notice from Safin’s minions.
She passes a torture chamber and begins to hum "DouDou, doodly DouDou".
Mathilde passes another room containing a periodically recurring time controlled geyser disguised with an outhouse seat, a torture device not used in this adventure.
She hums "dadoo, dadoo, da doodoo; dadoo doo, da DouDou!" then notes her newly discovered melody, pauses and has a look in eye, like that time Sir James tried on the suit and looked in the mirror before gambling at the Royal Gambling Tavern.
Mathilde comes to ye cesspools, pauses and sweeps her eyes across ye landscape, noting ye positions of each henchman and calculating further advance, when she spots...)
Madeleine: (Sweeps Mathilde up in her arms.) Darling, there you are! What a clever little girl you are to find Mommy and Da… ah… Sir James all by yourself! (Slaps Sir James.) Unlike some people I could mention!
Nomi: I do hate to interrupt thee, but we shouldst not wait here! Let us get to ye boat before ye henchmen notice or mayhap the villain's headquarters explodes!
(Ye henchmen are not noticing very much...)
3rd Henchman: I like the ones with ye sprinkles!
1st Henchman: How bout ye ones with ye jelly filling?
2nd Henchman: Does anybody like ye cruller? Nay, didn't think so, I'll just throw it in a cesspool shall I?
____________________
Nomi: Ah, here ist ye boat!
Sir James: (Via enchanted bracelet.) We art ready to set sail, Young Wizard. Ye word ist given.
Young Wizard: (Via enchanted bracelet.) Aye, I shalt tell Sir Gareth his warships may fire when ready.
(Nomi gets in ye boat first, Madeleine carefully follows, then once safely in holds her arms out for Mathilde.)
Mathilde: Nay, Mother!! I can do this all by myself! Evwybody watch!
(Taking a running jump, Mathilde leaps off ye dock high above ye boat, then pauses motionless, suspended in midair in a kungfu type pose, while ye camera rotates bullet time style.)
Madeleine:Good girl, my love!
Nomi: Yes, that was very good indeed!
(Mathilde raises one eyebrow ironically, fixing her cuffs.)
Sir James: Not mine, eh?
(Madeleine shoots him a look.)
Sir James: (Still on ye dock, wipes a tear with pride.) That girl ist going to make a fine secret agent some day...
(Sir James feels so good about his days work, he begins to hum his own theme song as he takes his first step off dock onto ye boat.)
Sir James: Dadoo, dadoo, da doodoo...
(Mathilde looks up from ye boat, recognising ye melody.)
Sir James: Dadoo doo, da DouDou!
Mathilde: DouDou ! DouDou ! Whew's DouDou ? I want my DouDou!
Sir James: (Almost in ye boat.) There there, my love, we'll get you another DouDou when we get ashore.
Mathilde: (Begins to wail.) Noooo! I don't want anuffer DouDou ! I want my DouDou ! Whews my DouDou bwahhh! Bwahhh!! Bwahhh!!!
Madeleine: Oh James, be a dear and go back and look for her DouDou! I'll never get her to take a nap when she's like this!
Sir James: But, er, that is to say, uh, poopsikins dearest, ye castle ist about to explode and...
Madeleine: Bond James Bond! If you don't march right back in ye castle right now and look for our daughter's, er, I mean, my daughter's DouDou I shall never speak to you again!
Sir James: (Slapping his hand over his brow then climbing back onto ye dock.) Oh all right, grumble grumble, I guess I have no other choice but to attempt reentry!
(Sir James re-enters ye castle as Nomi unties ye boat, and Nomi, Madeleine and Mathilde safely escape.)
(As ye small boat drifts across ye sea, Mathilde watches backwards over ye stern. Nomi moves in close to Madeleine.)
Nomi: So, you do know what goes on, on these boats, don't you?
Madeleine: (Considers what a deadbeat loser Sir James is.) I'm listening...
Mathilde: (Watching ye castle grow smaller on ye horizon.) Wow, I wondew what sowt of thwiwwing adwentures Mommy's fwend will have as he twies to wescue DouDou?
(Off shore facing ye castle, a fleet of English Naval vessels begin to assemble.
On each ship's deck are several large catapults which somehow do not get in the way of the sails and rigging. Sailors load the catapults with explosive ammunition.)
Sir James: My sanity is at an end! Is there no logic to the layout of this place? Was this designed by a madman???
Pradeep: (From behind a corner.) Perhaps, 'tis true!
Sir James: Who art thou? Reveal thyself and speak this instant to give me satisfaction!
Pradeep: Pray, calm thyself. I am but a simple salesman, a contractor most capable and available to those who are in grave need of facilities to match their designs upon this world.
Sir James: A salesman??? Surely you can't be serious!
Pradeep: I am most serious, good sir, and...
Sir James: Who requested such a place?
Pradeep: Good sir, as you no doubt suspect, it is indeed Mr. Safin. He provided his needs and desires with great clarity, and our company gladly built this place to his specifications...for a modest fee of course.
Sir James: Indeed. Havest thou a card for business?
Pradeep: I havest one right here. Take one. Indeed, take several, and pass them around to your friends and family with my appreciation.
Sir James: Of that, you may be assured.
Pradeep: You have my thanks. Oh, and one last thing...
They should all be one or the other- I prefer henchmen cos that's what they were earlier. At the moment I'm fixing typos so I'll make them all .... well, as I say, I prefer henchmen but if you really want minions tell me now and so they shall be!
Comments
we started this project on pg83 post 2475 only three weeks ago, that means approx 300 posts already.
Theres a whole mess of ideas for the last Acte over those ten pages, and I thought it'd help to start by posting a list of direct links to everything I can find.
if I've missed one let me know and I'll add it, I sort of remember what i suggested but will not be so familar with everyone elses so remind me, and hopefully we catch them all.
I'm just moving from pg 83 forwards...
from me: post 2477 a vague idea for the Death Scene
@The Domino Effect contributes the DouDou or not DouDou soliloquy post 2481
me again post 2499 a more detailed sketch of the Death Scene, incorporating DouDou or not DouDou soliloquy. the actual swordfight and Bond's last words are left blank.
me again post 2510 the Bismallah no sequence, I think this one is good as is and ends with Bond entering Safins throne room.
@Barbel posts a picture of The StarGazer in period appropriate costume in post 2513
@Gymkata provides lengthy transcriptions of film dialog Feddy Mercury-ified and Shakespear-imified in post 2514
more gymkata post 2516
and still more gymkata post 2519
these cover much of the last section and I think could be tightened up and more zany, we've already discussed some ideas.
@Westward_Drift reminds us in post 2520 the headquarters needs to be a castle, preferably Blofeld's castle from the book, and to use swords not guns
some notes from me post 2522 and post 2531and post 2539
actually that whole page almost every post has at least one idea for the final act. so read all posts carefully
at this point we got more disciplined and focussed on the earlier acts, but still with recurring ideas for the last act as they came to us
in post 2551 Barbel gives us Freddy Mercury's voice double after Safin's death, this is pretty tight
then begins some discussion of the space this is all happening in starting post 2556
westward suggest a balcony post 2566 and Bill Haley(?) pun
from me a version of Bonds death where he turns into a BoJo post 2582 (barbel doesnt like it)
from me a death scene on the balcony that directly references Fleming post 2600 , barbel has followup comments
from me, a gag about "who will be the next bond" to follow the first epilog post 2605
..and that only gets us to end of pg88, halfway to this page, I'll add links to the rest later if this is helping
EDIT: post 2635 I suggested rewriting a portion of the scene where Bond surrenders to Safin with an extended passage from March of the Black Queen and this being a possible spot for the StarGazer to take his lute solo
post 2641 has the actual passage from March of the Black Queen I'd like Safin and Bond to quote from as Bond appears to surrender
post 2643 renders the killer lute solo as seen from the PoV of two lute enthusiasts in the audience, hopped up on mouldy bread. note these two characters reappear in westwards final epilog. this lute solo could either go at the end of the Bismallah no sequence (but i think itd be funnier if bonds arrival interrupts the solo at the first note) or if we use the March of the Black Queen passage further on it could follow that, then lead back into proper dialog
post 2680 gymkata and westward begin some discussion about Bond's final soliloquy, which would be Barbel's specialty. continuing over next several posts (and note Barbel suggested a soliloquy for when Bond meets Mathilde, a few posts above, I do not think has been incorporated yet in the Norway scenes)
post 2690 Barbel's first draft for a last solioquy
and a second draft post 2699
post 2701 I've noted the location of several screencaps we can use to illustrate the big whiteout as the evil hedquarters getys blowed up real good
post 2703 a passage from Fleming we can borrow from for stage descriptions of the sword fight. Note we cant use the actual death of Blofeld because thats already happened, we need a different death for safin. see also post 2705
post 2712 a gag for the first epilog
post 2718 death of Alchemist, the Barb approves of that one
gymkata added Pradeep's cameo post 2754
which brings us back to here, full circle!
let me know of any I missed and I'll edit them into this list
______________________
reminder to @Gymkata : can Pardeep make a cameo in the Villain's Headquarters?
also minions tending the cesspools should be wearing Plague doctors masks
My Google Fu is well tested. LOL.
@caractacus potts That is quite a list. After my marathon image drop to Barbel over the last couple days I am happy to just throw the occasional joke into the mix. I am glad I don't have to keep all this in mind while fashioning a rousing conclusion.
and thats only halfway through, I can remember several other specifically from more recent pages. I wont get time to complete the list of links tonight, maybe not tomorrow either, but we should note them all or we'll never find them all again.
@Westward_Drift you also have the second epilog complete. maybe we don't worry about the two epilogs for now, theyre separate from the Fifth Act.
I was thinking of copying and pasting all those posts content into this latest page, so we can see it all at a glance. an even huger task, would that help? if this was a real life project thats exactly what I would do for this next step before going any further. but I wont attempt that until someone else confirms itd be helpful.
Gymkata, that's going in. and soon.
Caractacus, yes that's very useful and more would also help. There's a lot to keep track of.
I'm next wanting to use caractacus' big BoRap scene, inserting Gymkata's work as much as I can, while interspersing ("meanwhile") Sir J and Nomi making their way through, spotting cesspools, and meeting then slaying ye Annoying Little Alchemist. So as you can see, I'm going to be busy.
All advice welcome!
But then I thought of....
---------------------------
ACT 4, SCENE 2
-------------------------
(Having landed onshore, Sir James and Nomi make their way toward Safin’s castle.)
Sir James: (Via ye enchanted bracelet.) Art we heading in ye right direction, Young Wizard?
Young Wizard: (Via ye enchanted bracelet.) Aye, keep going in ye direction ye art heading.
Nomi: Look there, Sir James.
Nomi: We must be careful.
Sir James: Dangerous plants? Ha! This I shalt have to see to believe.
Nomi: No problem- look closer.
Sir James: Ah.
Nomi: Nevertheless, we must continue in this way to reach ye castle.
Sir James: Hmmm, I suppose thou art right.
Nomi: Careful, watch thine feet!
Sir James: A cesspool. Most surely foul things art being hatched here.
(They draw closer, and spy some figures working in ye garden. One looks familiar….)
Sir James: Ye Annoying Little Alchemist! I didst think we might be encountering him again.
Nomi: And now ist ye time to seize him again!
(Sir James and Nomi lay seige to ye guards and other alchemists. Some they kill outright by ye just severity of their attack, some fall into ye cesspits and die a most foul death. Soon, ye Annoying Little Alchemist ist in their power once more, as he was in Cuba.)
Sir James: We bid thee greetings. I am sure ye situation ist perfectly clear to thee. (He displays his sword.)
Annoying Little Alchemist: (Giggling nervously.) Oh yes, perfectly clear.
Nomi: Thou willst tell us what ist being made in this… garden of death,
Annoying Little Alchemist: Mine master prefers ye term “poison garden”.
Sir James: He canst call it a bag of bees for all that I care. What is going on?
Annoying Little Alchemist: Why, ‘tis perfectly obvious. Here we art breeding ye nano-fleas, which can be directed at any individual or family or race that I design.
Sir James: (Via ye enchanted bracelet.) Hast thou heard, Young Wizard?
Young Wizard: (Via ye enchanted bracelet.) Most certainly. Sir Gareth hast provided warships ready to take aim and destroy yon island when ye word ist given.
Sir James: Ye word ist not given yet- I must go inside yon castle first and rescue mine… family. Nomi, take charge of this piece of scum. (Sir James exits.)
Nomi: With great pleasure.
Annoying Little Alchemist: “Piece of scum”- ha!
Nomi: I could think of worse things to call ye.
Annoying Little Alchemist: Thou art only jealous because I have more lines in this play than you do.
Nomi: Oh? That problem ist easily dealt with.
(She pushes him into the nearest cesspool, in which he dies smellily and noisily. A little distance away, Sir James hears ye noise.)
Sir James: Hmm, that sounds like ye noise we heard in Cuba. However, no time to pry- ahead lies ye door of ye castle. Wait… a sound from inside? That doth sound like…. singing....
I added the rest of the links to previous ideas for the final acte into post 2751, please see following the word EDIT:
and i see @gymkata's already added Pradeep's cameo post 2754 !
@Barbel I found a soliloqy you wrote for Bond learning he has a daughter, I dont think got used in the Norway scenes, a few pages back...
You're right, I'll insert it soon.
Everyone, please keep telling me when I miss something! There's a lot going on.
I'm still uncertain about the Act 4 and Act 5 scene breakdown. I will read though Mr Pott's cross references after work.
@Barbel Very good use of the pics. Quick work getting rid of the Annoying Little Alchemist.
I'd gather the Pradeep cameo is next?
No, I think later. If everyone is happy with the scene above, I'm planning on the big BoRap scene next followed by Gymkata's scene. Then Pradeep, before the last fight. But it's easy to get the order of things wrong, keep steering me and pointing out things I miss.
This is a huge scene and I know I've missed some parts- please advise!
------------------------
ACT 4, SCENE 3
------------------------
(Safin is seated on a throne in his chamber, minions lined up behind him. On the wall is a vast stylised Q logo, adorned with two lions, a crab, some sort of bird and two faeries. Ye “Q” of course stands for “Quantum”- you were thinking of something else?)
(In front, in chains are Madeleine and Mathilde.)
Madeleine: Let us go!
Safin: Bismallah, no, I will not let you go! (Waves black fingernail at Madeleine.)
Mathilde: Wet uth go!
Safin: Bismallah, no, I will not let you go! (Bends slightly and waves black fingernail at Mathilde.)
Madeleine and Mathilde: Let us go!
Safin: I will not let you go! Never!
Minion 1: (Leans in from left.) Never!
Minion 2: (Leans in from right.) Never!
Safin: Never, ever, ever let you go!
Mathilde: (Looks to Madeleine.) Mama mia!
Madeleine: (Looks to Mathilde.) Mama mia!
Madeleine and Mathilde: (Both look to Safin.) Mama mia! Let us go!
Pierce Brosnan: (Poking his head out from behind curtain, stage left) Mamma Mia? Oh, is this my cue?
All Players: (In unison:) No! No! No! No! Nooo!!!!
(A variety of stray objects are thrown in Brosnan's direction, including at least one glass vessel full of Evil Nano-Fleas. Brosnan beats a hasty retreat never to return in this play…. Maybe.)
Safin: Er, whoops I lost my place! How embarrassing my darlings, now where was I? Oh yes, ahem- (Raises hand full of black fingernails dramatically.) for Beezelbub has a devil set aside for me!
Minion 1: (Leans in from left.) And me!
Minion 2: (Leans in from right.) And me!
Safin and all minions in unison: (Safin rises from throne and waves a hand full of black fingernails high above his head as he projects ye high note to the back row) For meee!!!!
(Enter from stage right a Starwatcher with long curly hair carrying a lute (Indeed a most beautiful red lute that was made at home by he and his father when he was a boy.)
who takes position one step behind Safin and to his left, our right. Minions discreetly assemble ye olde effectes peddles before him. Safin dramatically lowers his arm and takes one step back, ye Starwatcher steps forward to centre stage wielding his lute, and all other Players fall silent and step back into the darkness. Ye Starwatcher begins strumming, and continues, and continues some more, it is an epic noodly killer lute solo. Ye lute fanatics in Ye Rowdy Audience are all amazed and begin to debate what they are hearing...)
1st Fanatic: Is he as good as Zoso of Page?
2nd Fanatic: Well Zoso's an Occultist of course, that's very square in this new era. Whereas ye Starwatcher observes ye movement of ye objects in ye heavens and derives a theory of ye universe from first principals, like that fellow ye Pope just had put to death. Therefore ye Starwatcher is a Heretic, much more radical than a boring old Occultist .
1st Fanatic: Yeah, my parents are into ye Occult, so pre-Renaissance, all ye cool kids are into Heresy.
3rd Fanatic: Yeah, Heresy rules!
2nd Fanatic: But what of Gilmour of Cambridge?
3rd Fanatic: Oh you mean Floyde who art Pink? Aw, you've got to be on rye ergot to listen to the weird noises he makes on his pedal steel lute!
1st Fanatic: Speaking of which, this is some awesome mouldy bread, is it not?
2nd Fanatic: Oh, wowww, I'm totally seeing Bosch-like visions superimposed on top of tonight's performance!
3rd Fanatic: Oh wait, ye killer lute solo is coming to an end, I think there's finally going to be some more dialogue in this Play.
(But ye lute fanatics art wrong, at least at first. Sir James comes up the stairs, armed, to face Safin. Looking around, he sees that there are several other armed men staring back at him. Slowly, he continues up ye stairs. As he reaches ye top, he sees Safin with young Mathilde.)
Safin: Hail and well met. I prithee, lay thine weapon on ye floor.
(Sir James lays his sword on ye floor.)
Safin: Pray, your sidearm as well. Take ye utmost of care...a flick of the wrist and she's dead.
(Sir James pauses. Safin throws a pillow in the air.)
Safin: Watch her spread her wings and fly away!
(Ye henchmen shoot ye pillow.)
Sir James: Alas, I shall do it!
(Sir James drops his flintlock.)
Safin: Please, take pleasure and sit with me.
(Sir James sits.)
Sir James: (To Mathilde.) Faith, dear child. Be assured that all shall be correct.
Safin: Sir James Bond...a violent history most intense, an ability to kill with impunity, a most profound grievance with the Comte de Blofeld, enraptured by the beauty of Madeleine Swann. 'Tis true, I see myself in you. We are both killer queens, you and I.
Sir James: Different choices have taken us down different paths.
Safin: On the contrary, only our methods are different. You say black, I say white...you say dog, I say bite...Jaws was never my scene and I don't like Star Wars. When you die, your abilities shall pass as well...mine shall persist beyond my life. And life? Faith, my dear Sir James...life is all about your legacy. True?
(He pauses.)
Safin: This can be beautiful, not ugly. We can leave each other alone, you and I. Perchance, do you agree?
Sir James: There is much truth in what thou sayest.
Safin: You have my thanks.
Sir James: Truly, we are much alike. We have both lost all before being given the chance to keep anything. 'Tis a shame that we never had a chance, is it not? Just one chance...we all deserve that much.
(He pauses again.)
Sir James: But, you are building something that can truly destroy everything without any else getting that well deserved chance, no?
Safin: Faith, you are correct. However, nobody cares to realize that they do not want that chance...they are all simply waiting for the hammer to fall. We lie to ourselves and to others about what we want and what we dream, but this is all ephemeral. Everyone is under pressure and nobody wants to make decisions. Nobody wants to tear it up. We want to be instructed how best to live our lives and then pass quietly one day. Who wants to live forever?
(Again he pauses.)
Safin: So...now I'm here. I'm truly a prince of the universe, Mr. Bond. I'm quietly guiding them to oblivion.
Sir James: Those who play at God are not treated well by historians-
Thy villainous deeds dost not a great villain make.
Thou seeks to wear a God’s coronet,
But with thine lack of character and motivation
Thou art but a villain-ette.
Safin: But you? You will be treated well? Come now, you are death on two legs, Mr. Bond. We both do away with others to improve the world, do we not? We want a clean world, do we not?The world must grow and not stagnate. You are against this goal, true? You would defy me at every chance. I want to break free and you would deny me. However...and please don't take offence at my innuendo...I've made you obsolete.
Sir James: Nay, I must be against that point of view. With people like you in the world...those who want it all...you are merely joining a large contingent of short men with large dreams.
Safin: Nay, I am truly passionate about life! About that crazy little thing called love! Anon, you must undo what you have done up until now, Sir James. You must render your explosives impotent and depart my island forthwith. Do that and you may take this beautiful angel with you and keep yourselves alive.
Sir James: Pray, and Madeleine? May she also be free of this place?
Safin: Alas, she must remain here until you are long away from here.
Sir James: That is not acceptable.
Safin: ‘Tis an unfortunate thing. Thou has dashed ye dreams of young Mathilde. She understands that departing from here is her chance to survive and thrive. Yay, perchance to dream and find somebody to love.
Sir James: Speak not, let her truthfully tell me ye same.
Safin: Sir James...what would a mother undertake to ensure ye safety and well being of her offspring?
Sir James: But soft! Is that what happened to your mother? Did you tie your mother down?
Safin: My mother? Truly, she laid at my feet and passed out of this world as I watched.
(He grows angry.)
Safin: So you think you can stop me and spit in my eye? You're just an overgrown schoolboy! Let me tan your hide!
(Safin takes Mathilde up in his arms, angrily.)
Sir James: Anon, hold fast! You have won...you are the champion, the champion of the world. I shall abide by your wishes.
Safin: Indeed you shall.
Sir James: I tender my most sincere apologies.
(Sir James bows on ye floor.)
Safin: We all have choices, Sir James. Some difficult, some hard. You say Rolls, I say Royce...you say God, give me a choice...I don't want to be ye President of America. Dost thou wish to perish before your daughter's eyes? Dost thou wish for her to perish before thine eyes?
Sir James: Nay! Nay nay nay, I say thee nay! Please, accept my apologies.
Safin: Mathilde, sweet child. Behold your father. Witness power, dear girl.
Sir James: Truly and sincerely, I am most sorry.
(Sir James pulls a hidden flintlock from his belt, stands up, and blasts ye henchmen.)
Safin: Now I'm here...
(Safin and Mathilde disappear quickly via ye platform which quickly disappears below.)
Safin: (Disappearing.) Now I'm there...
(Sir James looks around… Safin and Mathilde are gone. Madeleine runs to him.)
Madeleine: James! Pray, my daughter... do you know where she has gone?
(Sir James lowers his flintlock, fear and anger crossing his face.)
Sorted.
I forget how it happens in the movie, but for us this might work...
A scene of Bond and Nomi entering the castle precedes above, they pass the cesspools.
Do they separate in the film? I don't remember Nomi in the Bond vs Safin scenes, so they must.
They could separate. Bond says something like "you place the Elizabethan era limpet mines and I'll find Madeleine and Mathilde", and exits the stage.
That leaves Nomi alone by the cesspools giving her the chance to kill the Alchemist.
From that, we cut directly the Safin's throne room, and the exact scene as above, and Bond enters halfway through after the lute solo.
So we still have to write this scene of Bond and Nomi entering the castle ending with the death of the alchemist.
(EDIT: I see @Barbel 's already done just that! never mind)
how does it go after Bond and Safin meet? I've completely forgot up til Bond is on his own and is almost out of the castle, then turns round. its probably in @Gymkata 's draft.
Bond and wife and child must somehow separate from Safin and reencounter Nomi, who then escapes with mother and child on a liferaft, leaving Bond alone. Bond has to do something with the automatic roof which will not translate so readily into Elizabethan, before trying to escape himself and remembering he needs to also find DouDou. From that point on we've got several overlapping versions.
So I think that's another scene we don't have any version of yet, between Bond's first scene with Safin, and Bond turning round at the castle doors to go back inside.
speaking of Nomi Madeleine and Mathilde's escape...
it amuses me that there is finally a liferaft at the end of a CraigBond film, but Bond isnt on it. Could we have a gag referencing that? Perhaps see that Austin Powers outtake where Elizabeth Hurley says "but where did the liferaft come from?" and Austin answers "all my adventures end like this, baby!". We could do some variation of that, but I cant think of one that's funny. Anyway, Nomi Madeleine and Mathilde escape the villains HQ in the usual liferaft and hardluck CraigBond remains in the HQ and gets himself blowed up. Some other James Bond will Return.
maybe he doesnt need to do anything with the roof? the castles not a missile base, it doesnt have automatic roof doors, none of that translates, so why overcomplicate?
Bond sees Madeleine and Mathilde safely into the liferaft and is so pleased with himself he begins humming his themesong (see my rough sketch post 2499) "Dadoo dadoo, da doodoo, Dadoo doo, dahh DooDoo!" which makes Mathilde suddenly say "DouDou! I dwopped Doodou" Madeleine: "where honey?" Mathilde: "back in the gawden of deaf!"
Bond tries to persuade the toddler to forget the silly doll, Mathilde starts crying and Madeleine insists Bond try to find the doll or she'll never take her nap, motivating Bond to turn back, and the others escape while they can.
That way we skip some back and forth, eliminate the problem of the anachronistic technobabble, get a funny scene of Bond trying to relate to a wife and toddler, and motivation to turn round that will lead directly the the Garden of Death and the final battle between hero and villain.
Bond can encounter Predeep at this point, after leaving the liferaft and before returning to the Garden of Death
Caractacus, post 2756 does exactly what you ask in 2765, I genuinely don't see what more is needed, we'd be overcomplicating to do something else.
Next scene covers Sir James and Madeleine meeting up with Nomi. Mathilde bites Safin and runs away; Madeleine finds her, Sir J puts the 3 of them on ye stealth boat + tells ye Young Wizard to have the ships fire away.
Then we get into the already written death scene- or scenes.
Edit- the Dou Dou lines can be slotted in easily.
didnt see your post 2756 when I was writing that, what with the page turning an all! indeed you covered all plot points I thought of and more. as a wise woman once said "Never mind!"
Ok, never mind.
Do you want to do the scene I've outlined in 2768, including all the stuff you mention in 2766?
maybe tomorrow if you havent got to it, I got to work!
"never mind" is a reference to character Gilda Radner used to do on SNL
Sure, no problems. I'm a bit drained now!
Just thought of a couple of lines that may help.
(When they find Mathilde)
Madeleine: Oh. Mathilde! Come over here to your mother and fath.... er, I mean, Sir James.
(When they meet Nomi)
Sir James: But Nomi, where ist ye Annoying Little Alchemist?
Nomi: Let us just say he will not be doing any more annoying.... ever.
barbel said:
Do you want to do the scene I've outlined in 2768, including all the stuff you mention in 2766?
you mean something like this?
____________________
[does anybody else remember how Bond and Madeleine escape Safin? anyway they have and now they're wandering the Evil headquarters freely, down corridors right past all the minions]
minion 1: say isn't that the Good Guys in this adventure? they're not supposed to be out here, are they?
minion 2: somebody oughta tell the boss
minion 1: more'n I'm paid for, why doesn't someone else do it?
minion 2: why doesnt the boss tell the boss? surely thats a boss's job!
minion 1: yeh! say, any of those donuts left in the minions' breakroom?
Madeleine: Well isn't this bloody great , I oughta have known, the very first time you're given responsibility for our, er , I mean my child you go and lose her!
Bond: Look, I didnt lose her! it was that evil supervillain, whom you seem suspiciously close to I might add! you know that reminds me, you had some sort of secret!
Madeleine: again with the secret! what secret?!!? You have already seen the big secret!
Bond: aha! you admit you have a secret!!!
Madeleine: secret secret bloody secrets! that all you ever talk about!
[they round a corner and approach the cesspools. Rats and fleas crawl everywhere, while minions clad in Plague doctors masks stir the green bubbling swill. Nomi appears]
Nomi: aha I knew you two oughta get along! hello Madeleine! but where's, er , uh-oh!
(Bond and Madeleine begin squabbling again)
Nomi; hohoho, this is too much, the great swinging shagadelic secret agent saddled with ball and chain! I cant believe I gave you back your number, typical teevee dad! Bo-ringgg!
____________________
(Safin is once again stooping and waving his black fingernail at Mathilde )
Safin: Now see her little girl you, I'll Cruella DeVille you... and buzz-kill you, I'm not very nice!
(black fingernail getting awfully close to Mathilde's nose)
(Mathilde winks at audience)
(Mathilde leaps up and chomps baby teeth deep into Safin's finger)
Safin: ye-owtch!
(Safin leaps straight up, Mathilde still latched on)
Safin: Waahhhh!! Hah-hah-hah-hah-Hahhhh!!!
(Safin hops around in a circle, waving arm in full repeated arcs back and forth over shoulder, with toddler not loosing grip)
Safin: You suck my blood like a leech! You break my skin and you breech! You've sunk your teeth and it hurts!
(minions scramble chaotically)
minion 1: what the hell's going on?
minion 2: boss tell us what to do!
minion 3: duh we're only minions nobody trained us what to do (etc)
(as Safin swings arm in direction of exit, Mathilde chooses moment to release tooth-grip and flies backwards, hits ground with a smooth backwards roll, performs two backwards summersaults and lands on tiny toddler toes, tiny toddler fingers poised for balance, a step before the doorframe)
(Mathilde's eyes quickly move left and right)
minions (busy running in circles bumping into walls and each other) : duh, which way did she go? which way did she go?
(Safin is clutching his arm, blood spurting from finger like a geyser)
Safin: Each moment this goes on a die a little! I just cant get no relief! Somebody!
minion 1: (leans in from left) somebody!
Safin: ooh, somebody !!
minion 2: (leans in from right) somebody!
Safin: Can anybody find me ... a frikkin' band-aid right now?!!?
(Mathilde tiptoes out doorway and begins to wander Evil Headquarters unsupervised
but DouDou has been left behind...)
____________________
(Mathilde passes balcony, then tiptoes down long shadowy corridors seven teeny steps at a time, pausing at each eighth step, glancing quickly left and right. By following this ancient secret toddler ninja move, she evades all notice from the minions.)
Mathilde (passes a torture chamber and begins to hum): DouDou, doodly DouDou
(Mathilde passes another room containing a periodically recurring time controlled geyser disguised with an outhouse seat, a torture device not used in this adventure)
Mathilde: (hums) dadoo, dadoo, da doodoo; dadoo doo, da DouDou!
(Mathilde notes newly discovered melody, pauses and has look in eye, like that time CraigBond tried on the suit and looked in the mirror in his first adventure)
(Mathilde comes to cesspools, pauses and sweeps eyes across landscape, noting positions of each minion and calculating further advance, when she spots...)
Mathilde: Mommy! Mommy's fwend! Mommy's fwend's fwend!
Madeleine (sweeps Mathilde up in arms): darling there you are! What a clever little girl you are to find Mommy all by yourself! (slaps Bond) unlike some people I could mention!
Nomi: er, gang, we better not hang around! lets get to that life raft before the minions notice and/or the villain's headquarters explodes!
minions: I like the ones with the sprinkles! how bout the ones with the jelly filling? anybody like the cruller? naw, didn't think so, I'll just throw it in a cesspool shall I?
____________________
Nomi: here's the liferaft!
(Nomi gets in first , Madeleine carefully follows, then once safely in holds arms out for Mathilde)
Mathilde: no mommy ! I can do this all by myself! evwybody watch!
(taking a running jump, Mathilde leaps off the dock high above the liferaft, then pauses motionless, suspended in midair in a kungfu type pose, while camera rotates bullet time style)
Madeleine; good girl honey!
Nomi: yes that was very good indeed!
Bond (still on dock, wipes tear with pride): that girl's going to make a fine secret agent some day...
(Bond feels so good about his days work, he begins to hum his own theme song as he takes first step off dock onto liferaft)
Bond: dadoo, dadoo, da doodoo
(Mathilde looks up from liferaft, recognising melody)
Bond: dadoo doo, da DouDou!
Mathilde: DouDou ! DouDou ! whew's DouDou ? I want my DouDou
Bond (almost in liferaft): there there little girl, we'll get you another DouDou when we get ashore
Mathilde (begins to wail): Noooo! i don't want anuffer DouDou ! I want my DouDou ! Whews my DouDou bwahhh! bwahhh!! bwahhh!!!
Madeleine: oh James be a dear and go back and look for her DouDou ! I'll never get her to take a nap when she's like this!
Bond: but, er that is to say, uh, poopsikins dearest, the villain's headquarters is about to explode and...
Madeleine: Bond James Bond! if you don't march right back in the villain's headquarters right now and look for our daughter's, er, i mean, my daughter's DouDou I shall never speak to you again!
Bond: (slaps hand over brow then climbs back onto dock): oh all right, grumble grumble, I guess I have no other choice but to attempt reentry!
(Bond reenters villain's headquarters as Nomi unties liferaft, and Nomi Madeleine and Mathilde safely escape)
(as liferaft drifts across sea, Mathilde watches backwards over stern. Nomi moves in close to Madeleine)
Nomi: so, you know what goes on, on these liferafts, don't you?
Madeleine (considers what a deadbeat loser Bond is): I'm listening...
Mathilde ( watching villains headquarters grow smaller on horizon): wow, I wondew what sowt of thwiwwing adwentures mommy's fwend will have as he twies to wescue DouDou?
____________________
[at this point Bond can encounter Pradeep]
That's hilarious! I'm going to Shakespeareise it a bit, but leave Gymkata to Queenise it.
Mathilde- Naught Naught Three and a Half. That's the right approach, it reads well.
Edit- and a nice quick bit of Fleming, too. 👍
thanks boss!
thats another wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-and-write-it-down-before-I-forget-it-in-the-morning special!
3am Toronto time...
Yes, I know that feeling. I trust you got enough sleep.
thanks @Gymkata
I may suggest substituting a couple of those
specifically, when Mathilde chomps her baby teeth into Safin's finger, I'd rather he said
Safin: Waahhhh!! Hah-hah-hah-hah-Hahhhh!!! [which is the opening of Ogre Battle and typical of various Queen songs of this period]
You suck my blood like a leech! you break my skin and you breech! you've sunk your teeth and it hurts! [have we used that one yet? its appropriate here]
actually I'm going to write that into my post now. Gotta think about the others now.
"and to thrill you I'll use any device" may be inappropriate for a grownup to speak to a child, but is the rhyme, so maybe just hope noone misinterprets it. Unless someone can think of an alternate rhyme that fits the context.
EDIT: I've decided to paraphrase to something less innuendo-ish that also better fits the context (Innuendo-ish, heh!)
Safin: Now see her little girl you, I'll Cruella DeVille you... and buzz-kill you, I'm not very nice!
I'd still like Safin to ask for a bandage even if we cant find an appropriate Queen lyric, maybe just add it to whichever Queen lyric
EDIT: I decided this is a prefect place to paraphrase Somebody to Love's opening verse, now added into my post
Safin: Each moment this goes on a die a little! I just cant get no relief!
Somebody (somebody), ooh somebody (somebody)
Can anybody find me ... a frikkin' band-aid right now?!!?
What is the source of the final line Safin speaks? I don't really think Safin needs a line here, as this is from Mathilde's PoV and her big scene.
Thanks for finding it, but I'm leaving it out.
___________________________
note to @Barbel I've now edited in three Freddy quotes into post 2773 where I wanted them
Mathilde looking from the stern of the liferaft may be a good point to end the scene and return to Bond's Point of View.
But also may be a good spot for the camera to pan across the horizon and focus on the British Naval vessels preparing for their attack, especially since we know Bond is walking straight back into their target as they are poised to fire. Did anybody ever come up with better descriptions of the vessels or the chemistry of their giant cannonballs?
maybe thisd be a good @Number24 question, he's a historian and some sort of military engineer...
(from post 2499)
Off shore facing the Evil Headquarters, a fleet of English Naval vessels begjn to assemble. [three-masted sailing ships, diverted from the Caribbean? Naval history experts can describe them better]
On each ship's deck are several large catapults which somehow do not get in the way of the sails and rigging. Sailors load the catapults with explosive ammunition [chemistry or weapons experts need to complete this detail: the catapults shall hurl round objects about the size of a Volkswagen, with lit fuses, somehow not just filled with gunpowder so they explode and do damage, but also chemicals (phosphorus? magnesium?) that will cause a bright white flash and blind the Audience for a full minute]
Right, here is an attempt to Shakespeareise the above posts. Please read and make sure I've caught everything.
(Sir James and Madeleine are wandering ye evil headquarters freely, down corridors right past all ye henchmen.]
1st Henchman: Lo, I do believe those art ye heroes of this Play. Ought here they should not be, I say.
2nd Henchman: Someone should tell our leader.
1st Henchman: Ha! ‘Tis more than I am paid for, someone else should do this!
2ns Henchman: Ye leader should tell ye leader! Most surely ‘tis a leader’s job!
1st Henchman: Aye! Now, do any doughnuts remain in our waiting chamber?
Madeleine: This I should have known- ye first time thou hast been given responsibility for our, er, I mean my child thou hast gone and lost her!
Bond: Nay, ‘tis not so. ‘Twas yon evil villain, with whom thou do seem suspiciously close. And this brings to mind that thou did have some sort of secret!
Madeleine: Again with ye secret! What secret?!!? Thou hast already seen ye big secret!
Bond: Aha! Thou dost admit thou hast a secret!!!
Madeleine: Secret secret bloody secrets! That ist all you ever talk about!
(They round a corner and approach ye cesspools. Rats and fleas crawl everywhere, while henchmen clad in Plague Doctors masks stir ye green bubbling swill. Nomi appears.)
Nomi: Aha, I surely knew you two wouldst get along! Greetings Apothecary Swann! But where ist…. oh.
(Bond and Madeleine begin squabbling again.)
Nomi; Hohoho, this ist too much! Ye great swinging agent of discretion saddled with ball and chain! I cannot believe I gave thee back thine number, typical urban father! Bo-ringgg!
____________________
(Safin is once again stooping and waving his black fingernail at Mathilde.)
Safin: Now see here little girl you, I'll Cruella DeVille you... and buzz-kill you, I'm not very nice!
(His black fingernail ist getting awfully close to Mathilde's nose.
Mathilde winks at ye audience and...
Mathilde leaps up and chomps her baby teeth deep into Safin's finger!)
Safin: Ye-owtch! ! Waahhhh!! Hah-hah-hah-hah-Hahhhh!!!
(Safin leaps straight up, then hops around in a circle, waving his arm in full repeated arcs back and forth over his shoulder, with ye toddler not losing grip.)
Safin: You suck my blood like a leech! You break my skin and you breech! You've sunk your teeth and it hurts!
(Ye henchmen scramble chaotically.)
1st Henchman: What in hell ist going on?
2nd Henchman: Mine liege, tell us what to do!
3rd Henchman: We art only henchmen, nobody trained us what to do!
(As Safin waves his arm in ye direction of ye exit, Mathilde chooses her moment to release her grip and flies backwards, hitting ye ground on a backwards roll then performing two backwards somersaults before landing on her tiny toddler toes, with tiny toddler fingers poised for balance, a step before ye doorframe.
Safin is clutching his arm, blood spurting from his finger like a geyser.)
Safin: Each moment this goes on I die a little! I just cant get no relief! Somebody!
1st Henchman: (Leans in from left.) Somebody!
Safin: Ooh, somebody !!
2nd Henchman: (Leans in from right.) Somebody!
Safin: Can anybody find me ... a frikkin' band-aid right now?!!?
(Mathilde's eyes quickly move left and right. Ye henchmen art busy running in circles bumping into walls and each other.)
1st Henchman: Duh, which way did she go?
2nd Henchman: Which way did she go?
(Safin is clutching his arm, blood spurting from his finger like a geyser.)
Safin: ...You've broken my heart, and now you leave me.
(Mathilde tiptoes out ye doorway and begins to wander ye evil headquarters unsupervised but DouDou has been left behind...)
Safin: You will remember, when this is blown over, and everything's all by the way...When I grow older, I will be there at your side to remind you how I still love you - I still love yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…..
(Mathilde passes ye balcony, then tiptoes down long shadowy corridors seven teeny steps at a time, pausing at each eighth step, glancing quickly left and right. By following this ancient secret toddler ninja move, she evades all notice from Safin’s minions.
She passes a torture chamber and begins to hum "DouDou, doodly DouDou".
Mathilde passes another room containing a periodically recurring time controlled geyser disguised with an outhouse seat, a torture device not used in this adventure.
She hums "dadoo, dadoo, da doodoo; dadoo doo, da DouDou!" then notes her newly discovered melody, pauses and has a look in eye, like that time Sir James tried on the suit and looked in the mirror before gambling at the Royal Gambling Tavern.
Mathilde comes to ye cesspools, pauses and sweeps her eyes across ye landscape, noting ye positions of each henchman and calculating further advance, when she spots...)
Mathilde: Mommy! Mommy's fwend! Mommy's fwend's fwend!
Madeleine: (Sweeps Mathilde up in her arms.) Darling, there you are! What a clever little girl you are to find Mommy and Da… ah… Sir James all by yourself! (Slaps Sir James.) Unlike some people I could mention!
Nomi: I do hate to interrupt thee, but we shouldst not wait here! Let us get to ye boat before ye henchmen notice or mayhap the villain's headquarters explodes!
(Ye henchmen are not noticing very much...)
3rd Henchman: I like the ones with ye sprinkles!
1st Henchman: How bout ye ones with ye jelly filling?
2nd Henchman: Does anybody like ye cruller? Nay, didn't think so, I'll just throw it in a cesspool shall I?
____________________
Nomi: Ah, here ist ye boat!
Sir James: (Via enchanted bracelet.) We art ready to set sail, Young Wizard. Ye word ist given.
Young Wizard: (Via enchanted bracelet.) Aye, I shalt tell Sir Gareth his warships may fire when ready.
(Nomi gets in ye boat first, Madeleine carefully follows, then once safely in holds her arms out for Mathilde.)
Mathilde: Nay, Mother!! I can do this all by myself! Evwybody watch!
(Taking a running jump, Mathilde leaps off ye dock high above ye boat, then pauses motionless, suspended in midair in a kungfu type pose, while ye camera rotates bullet time style.)
Madeleine: Good girl, my love!
Nomi: Yes, that was very good indeed!
(Mathilde raises one eyebrow ironically, fixing her cuffs.)
Sir James: Not mine, eh?
(Madeleine shoots him a look.)
Sir James: (Still on ye dock, wipes a tear with pride.) That girl ist going to make a fine secret agent some day...
(Sir James feels so good about his days work, he begins to hum his own theme song as he takes his first step off dock onto ye boat.)
Sir James: Dadoo, dadoo, da doodoo...
(Mathilde looks up from ye boat, recognising ye melody.)
Sir James: Dadoo doo, da DouDou!
Mathilde: DouDou ! DouDou ! Whew's DouDou ? I want my DouDou!
Sir James: (Almost in ye boat.) There there, my love, we'll get you another DouDou when we get ashore.
Mathilde: (Begins to wail.) Noooo! I don't want anuffer DouDou ! I want my DouDou ! Whews my DouDou bwahhh! Bwahhh!! Bwahhh!!!
Madeleine: Oh James, be a dear and go back and look for her DouDou! I'll never get her to take a nap when she's like this!
Sir James: But, er, that is to say, uh, poopsikins dearest, ye castle ist about to explode and...
Madeleine: Bond James Bond! If you don't march right back in ye castle right now and look for our daughter's, er, I mean, my daughter's DouDou I shall never speak to you again!
Sir James: (Slapping his hand over his brow then climbing back onto ye dock.) Oh all right, grumble grumble, I guess I have no other choice but to attempt reentry!
(Sir James re-enters ye castle as Nomi unties ye boat, and Nomi, Madeleine and Mathilde safely escape.)
(As ye small boat drifts across ye sea, Mathilde watches backwards over ye stern. Nomi moves in close to Madeleine.)
Nomi: So, you do know what goes on, on these boats, don't you?
Madeleine: (Considers what a deadbeat loser Sir James is.) I'm listening...
Mathilde: (Watching ye castle grow smaller on ye horizon.) Wow, I wondew what sowt of thwiwwing adwentures Mommy's fwend will have as he twies to wescue DouDou?
(Off shore facing ye castle, a fleet of English Naval vessels begin to assemble.
On each ship's deck are several large catapults which somehow do not get in the way of the sails and rigging. Sailors load the catapults with explosive ammunition.)
____________________
(Inside ye castle…)
Sir James: My sanity is at an end! Is there no logic to the layout of this place? Was this designed by a madman???
Pradeep: (From behind a corner.) Perhaps, 'tis true!
Sir James: Who art thou? Reveal thyself and speak this instant to give me satisfaction!
Pradeep: Pray, calm thyself. I am but a simple salesman, a contractor most capable and available to those who are in grave need of facilities to match their designs upon this world.
Sir James: A salesman??? Surely you can't be serious!
Pradeep: I am most serious, good sir, and...
Sir James: Who requested such a place?
Pradeep: Good sir, as you no doubt suspect, it is indeed Mr. Safin. He provided his needs and desires with great clarity, and our company gladly built this place to his specifications...for a modest fee of course.
Sir James: Indeed. Havest thou a card for business?
Pradeep: I havest one right here. Take one. Indeed, take several, and pass them around to your friends and family with my appreciation.
Sir James: Of that, you may be assured.
Pradeep: You have my thanks. Oh, and one last thing...
Sir James: Yes?
Pradeep: Don't call me Shirley.
you've got minions in some scenes and henchmen in others! I think they're all minions, I don't remember Safin having proper henchmen....
anyway the two that lean in close to harmonise with Safin are the same anonymous extras in both scenes, so should be consistently one or the other
They should all be one or the other- I prefer henchmen cos that's what they were earlier. At the moment I'm fixing typos so I'll make them all .... well, as I say, I prefer henchmen but if you really want minions tell me now and so they shall be!
I had henchmen in the Norway scene. Obviously the henchmen have IQs slightly greater than their shoe size, the minions not so much.