you pick @Barbel youre the boss, we're the minions!
I couldn't decide anyway without definitions but westwards feel right
Safin didnt really have anybody like Jaws or Fiona Volpe did he? I remember plenty of the type that shuffle round with clipboards pretending theyre doing something and then scatter in a panic when things start to explode
course his personal guards should be more competent, just not the way I wrote them
Barbel, you had Bond taking out multiple henchmen with the single shot flintlock. How about making it four barreled like Hinx's pistol in Spectre? It could even be Hinx's. A souvenir from a past adventure.
First draft of the scene with... the thing... combining various parts written by all of us.
(As Sir James races through ye castle, he comes across a pool in which lies….)
Sir James: At last- Dou Dou!
(He reaches to grab ye toy but suddenly someone's foot lands on his hand.)
Sir James: Argh!
Safin: Hahahh! Bond James Bond, at last we meet again for the second time!
(Sir James is stabbed by Safin and falls into ye water, dropping his flintlock. Safin emerges from his hiding space and stabs Sir James again and again. Sir James, stabbed multiple times now, collapses into ye pool. Grunting from ye pain and exertion, Sir James rises.)
Sir James: (Looks down to see blood on tunic.) Hey! Thou canst not do that, for I am the hero of this play!
Safin: Oh?
Sir James: Ha! You see, I win, as I always do in the final act of these adventures! Er... (Blood ist gushing out from Sir James.) ‘Tis only a scratch.
Safin: Misguided old mule with your pigheaded rules... with your narrow-minded cronies who are fools of the first division! You have made a wreckage of my plans.
(Sir James rises again and attacks Safin, surprising him. They fight. Sir James manages to overpower Safin and get him into a vulnerable position in ye pool, holding his arm at a painful angle. Safin, with his free hand, reaches up and scratches Sir James' face with the vial containing ye nano-fleas. The vial breaks.
Sir James, enraged, breaks Safin's arm. Safin drops the sword. Both men howl in pain.)
Safin: You're insane, should be put inside...you're a sewer rat decaying in a cesspool of pride! You should be made unemployed then make yourself null and void!
(He pauses.)
Safin: Alas, we are both now poisoned...poisoned! Fool! Always jumpin' never happy where you land! Fool! Got my business make your living where you can! Hurry down the highway, hurry down the road... hurry past the people staring! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
(He pauses, again.)
Safin: Bad mistakes, I've made a few. I've had my share of sand kicked in my face but I've come through. We are now both tragic heroes, Sir James.
(Again, he pauses.)
Safin: We are now a walking death, Sir James. Our touch is lethal. A touch of their skin, a brush of their lips... they would die, surely.
Sir James: Pray, do not call me Shirley. Explain your intent, foul fiend!
Safin: Fair Madeleine... precious Mathilde...
(Safin shows ye shattered vial. Sir James, realization hitting, touches his face and begins to understand.)
Safin: ‘Tis of your own doing, Sir James. The fault is yours. A dog with disease, you're the king of the sleaze!
(Sir James, dejected, stands up slowly. He leans over and picks up ye dropped flintlock. Reloading quickly between shots, he puts 3 shots into Safin and walks away, picking up Dou Dou. Irritated by ye flea, he takes off his doublet and throws it aside.
A man cautiously puts his face round a curtain to ye left.)
Man: Er, excuse me?
Sir James: (Weary.) Yes?
Man: Is that Safin dead? I mean, really dead?
Sir James: I sincerely hope so!
Man: Wonderful! Now I am free!
Sir James: Free? What dost thou mean?
Man: Well- I'm Marc Martel. I'm the one who really did the singing, he only lip-synched.
Sir James: What? This cannot be!
Marc: Oh yes. He's been keeping me here behind this curtain, while everybody thinks it's him doing the singing.
(Sir James looks over his shoulder.)
Marc: What are you looking for?
Sir James: I just wondered if mayhap I was with a tin man, a scarecrow, and a cowardly lion.
Marc: Huh?
Sir James: Never mind. Surprised am I, but now thou art free.
Marc: For many years, I have wanted to break free. To break free from his lies, he's so-
Sir James: Yes, yes, we have all got the idea. Now, run!
Marc: Even better- I have my bicycle. I want to ride my -
Sir James: Enough! Go!
(Marc leaves from ye left. Pierce Brosnan's head appears around the curtain on ye right.)
Pierce: Er, did I hear that correctly? I wonder if-
Sir James: I must get out of here!
(He exits onto a balcony. There, he holds Dou Dou in ye classic Hamlet position.)
Sir James: Ahem-
DouDou, or not DouDou, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler on the screen to suffer
The slings and arrows of a Type 45 Destroyer,
Or take up arms against Safin in the Sea of Japan
And by opposing, be ended. DouDou - to sleep.
(He sees ye approaching fire from ye warships, tucks Dou Dou into his waistband and stands to face them.)
Sir James:
At last death comes, in gentle irony
When now I have a… family
As darkness looms and life is done
I know I didn’t stand alone
I won’t regret the lips I’ve kissed
Rather, those I had to miss
The friends I made, the places seen
The Queen’s man I have always been
I fought below the ocean blue
In Egypt, Russia, Jamaica too
I saved more damsels than one can know
On boats, on horseback, and on a cello
(Off- stage, an irate Welshman says "Harrumph")
Villains foul, both thin and fat
With daggers, knives, and a white cat
I faced them all, did never run
From bowler hat or golden gun
At least I know I’ll meet anew
My mother Monique, my father Andrew
For those who grieve, let this suffice
As a wise man once said, you only live-
(There ist a sudden explosion and Sir James disappears from view.
It is impossible to tell if he has been blown into ye sea or into little pieces or into Barbara Broccoli's dreams.)
First we need the Scooby-gang wake/toast for Bond (and next James Bond casting?). Although I can post my epilogue and coda prior to that being finalized. Just let me know.
d'oh! i shoulda got that, same album most of the other quotes have been from! guess I was focusing on the ones where he's saying scary things
anyway Barbel left that one in, so you research was not in vain and much appreciated! having overthought it yesterday I realise trying to work genuine Freddy quotes into every Safin line is really difficult, it was easier to start with a song and rebuild a scene around it
(and now we're done all Safin's dialog, I also keep thinking The Prophet Song wouldve been so appropriate "death all around all around all around all around , listen to the MadMan etc" but we'll have to save that for the sequel)
up til this point its been glass vessels, not vials,
and can we see the Flea crawling onto Bond's face and biting him?
this line was one of mine but I'm not sure if we shouldnt rephrase or substitute
Safin: Hahahh! Bond James Bond, at last we meet again for the second time!
I cant remember, did they meet in Norway? if so this would be the third time
the line is from SpaceBalls, and is just one of those cliches villains say as they confront the hero for the final battle, almost like "insert villainous dialog here later".
there might be a better Freddy quote that would fit in here
yes the main part of the first epilog remains unwritten.
do we use Fleming's epitaph or something silly?
what bugs me in the film is M still has his job at this point, despite earlier saying "oh well I'd better tell the PM what I've been up to"
he could always begin this scene with an aside to the audience "the positive side of Bond being dead is now I've got a patsy to pin this mess on and can keep my job!"
then turn to Moneypenny Q Nomi and Tanner and begin the toast in earnest as if he hadn't just said anything unusual
right after the toast...
Moneypenny: Wait, didn't we do this one already? Back when I shot him two plays ago maybe?
M: With the number of times this fellow's been thought dead, retired, or gone rogue, who can remember any more?
Right thats done, back to work everybody, now for the interviews! (rubs hands, opens door to reveal lineup of applicants)
(outside the red door Aiden Turner, Tom Hiddleston, Henry Cavill and all the other usual suspects sitting in a row next to Moneypenny's desk, nervously doublechecking what they've claimed in their resumes! ("Norse God of Mischief? how's that relevant? surely they're hiring good guys!" "better than Man of Steel, that's just a meaningless buzzword!" etc))
[and I still think Hiddleston would have the advantage because Loki and Thor spoke in pseudoShakespearian dialog]
@Barbel, maybe have Bond rip off his doublet trying to get rid of the nano fleas, Get him into an undergarment to satirize the R&B henley (he dies in his underwear without a female companion at his side) and to fit the pictures of Bond's incineration.
Comments
The Henchmen come from the same employment agency that supplied Jaws to Drax, minions come from the parking lot of the nearest big box store.
😁😁😁
you pick @Barbel youre the boss, we're the minions!
I couldn't decide anyway without definitions but westwards feel right
Safin didnt really have anybody like Jaws or Fiona Volpe did he? I remember plenty of the type that shuffle round with clipboards pretending theyre doing something and then scatter in a panic when things start to explode
course his personal guards should be more competent, just not the way I wrote them
Primo? Does he qualify?
its been so long since I saw the movie I don't remember! which one was he again? is he a character in our version?
Yes, but only at the start.
This guy
Barbel, you had Bond taking out multiple henchmen with the single shot flintlock. How about making it four barreled like Hinx's pistol in Spectre? It could even be Hinx's. A souvenir from a past adventure.
Thanks, Westward, that's sorted. 👍
First draft of the scene with... the thing... combining various parts written by all of us.
(As Sir James races through ye castle, he comes across a pool in which lies….)
Sir James: At last- Dou Dou!
(He reaches to grab ye toy but suddenly someone's foot lands on his hand.)
Sir James: Argh!
Safin: Hahahh! Bond James Bond, at last we meet again for the second time!
(Sir James is stabbed by Safin and falls into ye water, dropping his flintlock. Safin emerges from his hiding space and stabs Sir James again and again. Sir James, stabbed multiple times now, collapses into ye pool. Grunting from ye pain and exertion, Sir James rises.)
Sir James: (Looks down to see blood on tunic.) Hey! Thou canst not do that, for I am the hero of this play!
Safin: Oh?
Sir James: Ha! You see, I win, as I always do in the final act of these adventures! Er... (Blood ist gushing out from Sir James.) ‘Tis only a scratch.
Safin: Misguided old mule with your pigheaded rules... with your narrow-minded cronies who are fools of the first division! You have made a wreckage of my plans.
(Sir James rises again and attacks Safin, surprising him. They fight. Sir James manages to overpower Safin and get him into a vulnerable position in ye pool, holding his arm at a painful angle. Safin, with his free hand, reaches up and scratches Sir James' face with the vial containing ye nano-fleas. The vial breaks.
Sir James, enraged, breaks Safin's arm. Safin drops the sword. Both men howl in pain.)
Safin: You're insane, should be put inside...you're a sewer rat decaying in a cesspool of pride! You should be made unemployed then make yourself null and void!
(He pauses.)
Safin: Alas, we are both now poisoned...poisoned! Fool! Always jumpin' never happy where you land! Fool! Got my business make your living where you can! Hurry down the highway, hurry down the road... hurry past the people staring! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
(He pauses, again.)
Safin: Bad mistakes, I've made a few. I've had my share of sand kicked in my face but I've come through. We are now both tragic heroes, Sir James.
(Again, he pauses.)
Safin: We are now a walking death, Sir James. Our touch is lethal. A touch of their skin, a brush of their lips... they would die, surely.
Sir James: Pray, do not call me Shirley. Explain your intent, foul fiend!
Safin: Fair Madeleine... precious Mathilde...
(Safin shows ye shattered vial. Sir James, realization hitting, touches his face and begins to understand.)
Safin: ‘Tis of your own doing, Sir James. The fault is yours. A dog with disease, you're the king of the sleaze!
(Sir James, dejected, stands up slowly. He leans over and picks up ye dropped flintlock. Reloading quickly between shots, he puts 3 shots into Safin and walks away, picking up Dou Dou. Irritated by ye flea, he takes off his doublet and throws it aside.
A man cautiously puts his face round a curtain to ye left.)
Man: Er, excuse me?
Sir James: (Weary.) Yes?
Man: Is that Safin dead? I mean, really dead?
Sir James: I sincerely hope so!
Man: Wonderful! Now I am free!
Sir James: Free? What dost thou mean?
Man: Well- I'm Marc Martel. I'm the one who really did the singing, he only lip-synched.
Sir James: What? This cannot be!
Marc: Oh yes. He's been keeping me here behind this curtain, while everybody thinks it's him doing the singing.
(Sir James looks over his shoulder.)
Marc: What are you looking for?
Sir James: I just wondered if mayhap I was with a tin man, a scarecrow, and a cowardly lion.
Marc: Huh?
Sir James: Never mind. Surprised am I, but now thou art free.
Marc: For many years, I have wanted to break free. To break free from his lies, he's so-
Sir James: Yes, yes, we have all got the idea. Now, run!
Marc: Even better- I have my bicycle. I want to ride my -
Sir James: Enough! Go!
(Marc leaves from ye left. Pierce Brosnan's head appears around the curtain on ye right.)
Pierce: Er, did I hear that correctly? I wonder if-
Sir James: I must get out of here!
(He exits onto a balcony. There, he holds Dou Dou in ye classic Hamlet position.)
Sir James: Ahem-
DouDou, or not DouDou, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler on the screen to suffer
The slings and arrows of a Type 45 Destroyer,
Or take up arms against Safin in the Sea of Japan
And by opposing, be ended. DouDou - to sleep.
(He sees ye approaching fire from ye warships, tucks Dou Dou into his waistband and stands to face them.)
Sir James:
At last death comes, in gentle irony
When now I have a… family
As darkness looms and life is done
I know I didn’t stand alone
I won’t regret the lips I’ve kissed
Rather, those I had to miss
The friends I made, the places seen
The Queen’s man I have always been
I fought below the ocean blue
In Egypt, Russia, Jamaica too
I saved more damsels than one can know
On boats, on horseback, and on a cello
(Off- stage, an irate Welshman says "Harrumph")
Villains foul, both thin and fat
With daggers, knives, and a white cat
I faced them all, did never run
From bowler hat or golden gun
At least I know I’ll meet anew
My mother Monique, my father Andrew
For those who grieve, let this suffice
As a wise man once said, you only live-
(There ist a sudden explosion and Sir James disappears from view.
It is impossible to tell if he has been blown into ye sea or into little pieces or into Barbara Broccoli's dreams.)
Please, everyone, read and nit-pick the above. Once we are satisfied, it will be time to turn Westward_Drift free with his next scenes.
If only I had written something...kidding.
First we need the Scooby-gang wake/toast for Bond (and next James Bond casting?). Although I can post my epilogue and coda prior to that being finalized. Just let me know.
Ah, I was sure we'd done that!
Well, my previous request still stands. Please read 2794 for any additions and corrections anyone can think of, and then we move to the wake.
(Obviously M is going to drink too much (hic!), and then there's a queue of hopefuls outside)
gymakata said:
that final line is from 'Love of my Life'.
d'oh! i shoulda got that, same album most of the other quotes have been from! guess I was focusing on the ones where he's saying scary things
anyway Barbel left that one in, so you research was not in vain and much appreciated! having overthought it yesterday I realise trying to work genuine Freddy quotes into every Safin line is really difficult, it was easier to start with a song and rebuild a scene around it
(and now we're done all Safin's dialog, I also keep thinking The Prophet Song wouldve been so appropriate "death all around all around all around all around , listen to the MadMan etc" but we'll have to save that for the sequel)
Sequel. Sequel?????
Apothecary Swan and Nomi and Paloma team up.
Led by Mathilde. "The Search For Dou Dou"
While some may scream The Bard's gone woke,
Ancillary sales will guarantee he shant go broke.
They all go to the Genesis planet, where they find.... Oh wait....
barbel sez:
Please, everyone, read and nit-pick the above.
up til this point its been glass vessels, not vials,
and can we see the Flea crawling onto Bond's face and biting him?
this line was one of mine but I'm not sure if we shouldnt rephrase or substitute
Safin: Hahahh! Bond James Bond, at last we meet again for the second time!
I cant remember, did they meet in Norway? if so this would be the third time
the line is from SpaceBalls, and is just one of those cliches villains say as they confront the hero for the final battle, almost like "insert villainous dialog here later".
there might be a better Freddy quote that would fit in here
@caractacus potts Safin/Saffron/etc was in the house, but Bond was busy fighting the large henchman so they didn't interact.
No, they didn't meet in Norway.
I've been trying to find a place to put the flea, so I'll try there (the problem is how many characters are allowed in a post).
Vessels? I'll have to go back and check.
😁😁😁😁
If you want a call back joke in Bond's death soliloquy have another offstage irate Welshman harrumph after Bond says "cello"
👍👍👍 Like it!
@Barbel you were asking for more graphics to break up the blocks of text
there a bunch of screenshots of the whiteout in this other thread we could use, say three in a row
I think @Gassy Man posted these ones I've copied
I was looking for those! Thanks cp.
PS a nice Dou Dou pic would be appreciated, too.
yes the main part of the first epilog remains unwritten.
do we use Fleming's epitaph or something silly?
what bugs me in the film is M still has his job at this point, despite earlier saying "oh well I'd better tell the PM what I've been up to"
he could always begin this scene with an aside to the audience "the positive side of Bond being dead is now I've got a patsy to pin this mess on and can keep my job!"
then turn to Moneypenny Q Nomi and Tanner and begin the toast in earnest as if he hadn't just said anything unusual
right after the toast...
Moneypenny: Wait, didn't we do this one already? Back when I shot him two plays ago maybe?
M: With the number of times this fellow's been thought dead, retired, or gone rogue, who can remember any more?
Right thats done, back to work everybody, now for the interviews! (rubs hands, opens door to reveal lineup of applicants)
(outside the red door Aiden Turner, Tom Hiddleston, Henry Cavill and all the other usual suspects sitting in a row next to Moneypenny's desk, nervously doublechecking what they've claimed in their resumes! ("Norse God of Mischief? how's that relevant? surely they're hiring good guys!" "better than Man of Steel, that's just a meaningless buzzword!" etc))
[and I still think Hiddleston would have the advantage because Loki and Thor spoke in pseudoShakespearian dialog]
@Barbel, maybe have Bond rip off his doublet trying to get rid of the nano fleas, Get him into an undergarment to satirize the R&B henley (he dies in his underwear without a female companion at his side) and to fit the pictures of Bond's incineration.
Doublet torn off, irate Welshman added.
Pics I'll do later.
see if I was Hiddleston I'd be attaching this page from Journey into Mystery 115 April 1965 to my resume and cover letter
whereas the closest Superman ever gets is "great Krypton! Lois has figured out my secret identity yet again!"