Palmer returns to his lodgings. A sound from inside gives him pause; he doth look down through ye keyhole and spies a hand holding a knife. He straightens sharply and bursts through ye door.
Jean: There. Now thou hast made me miss it.
(‘Tis Jean Courtney, wearing one of ‘arry’s pyjama tops. She calmly walks over to ye calendar on ye wall and retrieves ye knife she hast just thrown.)
Palmer: Thou doth not miss a thing… except ye date. Today ist ye thirteenth.
Jean: I am superstitious.
Palmer: How did ye get in? Never mind that, thou art here. Who sent ye, Ross?
Jean: Nay, I work for Dalby.
Palmer: I work for Dalby, thou does work for Ross.
Jean: Dalby.
Palmer: Ross.
Jean: Dalby!
Palmer: Ross! Anyway, what hast thou learnt about me?
Jean: Thou art a one time Naval Yeoman forced to work for ye intelligence service. Unlike many, thou can read and write. (She holds up a book as evidence, “Birds Of Ye West Indies”.)
Palmer: I do wish that I had never learned to read and write, ‘twould spare me ye torture of endless paperwork.
Jean: I can see thee as useful, since Yeomen go where Officers fear to tread.
Palmer: Art thou hungry?
Jean: Tempted I am.
Palmer: Then sit ye here whilst I cook.
(He indicates a seat in front of a musical instrument.)
Jean: Hmm, a cimbalom- these are most rare.
Palmer: (Beginning to cook.) Aye, I had it, er, imported from Hungary.
Jean: Smuggled, thou doth mean.
(Palmer cooks them a meal while Jean plays at ye cimbalom. ‘Tis a haunting melody, most suitable for a man alone.)
Palmer: Right, grub is ready. Tuck ye in!
(They eat.)
Jean: So, I have learned that ye art a good cook and art interested in music.
Palmer: Well, surely thou wert sent to learn about me.
Jean: I have learned much, and call me Shirley not.
Palmer: But of course.
Jean: Thine eyeglasses, do thee ever take them off?
Palmer: Only in bed.
(Jean reaches to his face and takes ye eyeglasses off….)
reads good @Barbel and gets most of the main points
since I have the real film fresh in my memory I can see you missed most of the specifics, other than the last two lines, while capturing the gist, most of the important stuff that happens here. and I think thats better, I like the loose reimagining's better than the close transcriptions, theyre funnier and we get to be more original.
main thing that's missing is we should describe the meal, the ingredients, a bit of how he cooks it. The food fetishizism is absolutely essential to the IPCRESS vibe, and this is the big scene where we really see what he can do. a page back i provided a longer list of american food imports (coffee beans, maize, peppers, tomatillo, potato, sweet potato, squash, avocado, pineapple, banana, chocolate, and vanilla, etc) lets have all these on his table, he can make guacomole and salsa for example, a typical mexican take out item would be a real exotic meal for Jean in 1590, he'd really be impressing the young lady!
also a sentence of description of the apartment, maybe paraphrase my note from above.
Palmer's apartment has low wood beams and an elaborate kitchen that seems to overspill its portion of the floorplan. He lives in a small cluttered apartment and a lot of the area is given over to cooking needs. Supposedly theres actual Len Deighton published recipes pinned up on his walls. The area round the hifi's cimbalom's quite important to this character as well and also well-ordered, the rest is a bit of a mess.
(I was thinking 'arry is really a man without an identity, at least as Deighton wrote im, whatever name is on file is probably not his and he is paid to be whoever his blackmailer bosses say he is. So he expresses his identity in that apartment, the music he listens to and most especially what food he eats. Thats why this scene is important)
(I was also thinking the criminal-blackmailed-into-spywork backstory anticipates la Femme Nikita, though its more subtle here)
actually boss, can we please use the two lines I offered already ("I'm working for Dalby, youre working for Ross" "no youre working for Ross I'm working for Dalby")before they start squabbling "Ross!" "Dalby!" etc. Theyre not literally from the film, but rather capture the gist
so if I may squire, more like this
Palmer: How did ye get in? Never mind that, thou art here. Who sent ye, Ross?
Jean: Nay, I'm working for Dalby, thou dost work for Ross
Palmer: Nay thou dost for Ross, I dost workfor Dalby
Jean: Dalby.
Palmer: Ross.
Jean: Dalby!
Palmer:Ross! Anyway, what hast thou learnt about me?
also I like the idea of this cimbalom thingie. con: it is more obscure and theres no haitch to drop, pro: it does tie it directly to Barry's soundtrack which is better and may outweigh the con. we should have references to the soundtrack somehow so thats a good angle.
by the way, in the film he realises Jean is working for ross because of the tinned mushrooms
Ross mocked Palmer in the supermarket when he picked up a fancy tin labelled Champignons ("you can get the same thing for ten-pence less without the packaging" "its not just the packaging, sir, it as a better flavour" "you fancy yourself a real gourmet dont you Palmer")
next scene he's cooking for Jean and she picks up the tinned mushrooms and says "oh you and your Champignons", which causes him to snap his fingers and realise "youre working for Ross!". Presumably she and Ross had been talking about that supermarket meeting and 'arry's pretentious shopping habits.
we miss that by moving the dialog to an earlier scene, but does not matter the way Barbel's written it. actually 'arry assumes it was Dalby who ordered her to break in, but we've compressed the two scenes so lets skip the first assumption and not worry about his logic. don't worry about changing this dialog or the scene's position, it works as written.
I just wanted to share that logic now I've spotted it. because I realised this specific exchange in the film is more clever than I'd previously thought, as it reveals how 'arry's mind works and how he puts together the clues from the barrage of information. Something similar happens in the final scene when he realises from Dalby's wording that Dalby must be the traitor. ("listen to me Palmer, kill the traitor", is the same signal words that had been used by the brainwasher)
Palmer returns to his lodgings. A sound from inside gives him pause; he doth look down through ye keyhole and spies a hand holding a knife. He straightens sharply and bursts through ye door.
Jean: There. Now thou hast made me miss it.
(‘Tis Jean Courtney, wearing ye top of a set of ‘arry’s pyjamas. She walks over to ye calendar on ye wall and retrieves ye knife she hast just thrown.)
Palmer: Thou doth not miss a thing… except ye date. Today ist ye thirteenth.
Jean: I am superstitious.
Palmer:How did ye get in? Never mind that, thou art here. Who sent ye, Ross?
Jean: Nay, I'm working for Dalby, thou dost work for Ross.
Palmer: Nay thou dost for Ross, I dost workfor Dalby.
Jean: Dalby.
Palmer: Ross.
Jean: Dalby!
Palmer: Ross! Anyway, what hast thou learnt about me?
Jean: Thou art a one time Naval Yeoman forced to work for ye intelligence service. Unlike many, thou can read and write. (She holds up a book as evidence, “Birds Of Ye West Indies”.)
Palmer: I do wish that I had never learned to read and write, ‘twould spare me ye torture of endless paperwork.
Jean: I can see thee as useful, since Yeomen go where Officers fear to tread.
Palmer: Art thou hungry?
Jean: Tempted I am.
Palmer: Then sit ye here whilst I cook.
(He indicates a seat in front of a musical instrument.)
Jean: Hmm, a cimbalom- these are most rare.
(Jean sits and looks around. Ye apartment hath low wood beams and an elaborate kitchen that seems to overspill its portion of the floorplan. ‘Tis a small cluttered apartment and a lot of ye area ist given over to cooking needs. She can see recipes pinned up on his walls, but too far away to read. Ye area round ye cimbalom ist well-ordered, though ye rest is a bit of a mess.)
Palmer: (Beginning to cook.) Aye, I had it, er, imported from Hungary.
Jean: Smuggled, thou doth mean. What art thou making?
Palmer: Well, I shalt usemaize, peppers, tomatillo, potato, sweet potato, squash, avocado, pineapple, banana, chocolate, and vanilla, with coffee afterwards.
Jean: And these art champignons, art they not?
Palmer: That’s right.
Jean: Thou doth fancy thineself a real gourmet.
(Palmer cooks while Jean plays at ye cimbalom. ‘Tis a haunting melody, most suitable for a man alone.)
Palmer: Right, grub is ready. Tuck ye in!
(They eat.)
Jean: Delicious, especially ye guacamole and ye salsa.
Palmer: Glad I am that thou hast enjoyed it.
Jean: So, I have learned that ye art a good cook and art interested in music.
Palmer: Well, surely thou wert sent to learn about me.
Jean: I have learned much, and call me Shirley not.
Palmer: But of course.
Jean: Thine eyeglasses, do thee ever take them off?
Palmer: Only in bed.
(Jean reaches to his face and takes ye eyeglasses off….)
[here's a ruff draft of the foodporn. I'm no chef but I used to work in a restaurant so this vague recipe is from memory, but maybe you historian types can correct some of the technology. I'm picturing something like a pizza oven, whcih we used to use in the restaurant for various purposes, but am calling it a kiln]
('arry as a 'uge kitchen, overspilling its portion of the floor plan. 'e as a massive wooden cutting board before him, overlooking the living room where Jean plays the cimbalom. Behind him is an array of open flames, over which sit iron cauldrons, frying pans, sauce pans, and there is something like a potters kiln. All are bubbling and sizzling and 'e spins between each wif split second timing,, not cuttin' or burnin' 'imself once.)
(on the cutting board 'e finely chopps garlic, onions, tomatillos and peppers and then stirs the result in a bowl wif olive oil)
Palmer: fere's some nice spicy salsa! (picks up dark green object the size of his hand)
Jean: but what is this? thou hast a hand grenade!
Palmer: naw luv, tis an avocado (slices, separates pit, scoops out green flesh and mashes with more garlic,, olive oil ,and a dash of parika) an' theres our gwac! now lessee if these beans are ready (with immense ladle scoops out cooked black beans from the iron cauldron)
Jean: thou certainly dost have an irresponsible number of open flames in such a small apartment!
Palmer: fat reminds me, luv, ye mind opening yon window so we can sees what we're doing?
(Jean opens window and thick clouds of back smoke dissipitate)
'arry pulls out two flatbreads, lays them on the cutting board, and fills each generously wif black beans, gwac, salsa and a dollop of sour cream. He rolls each into a wrap and coats with shredded mozeralla. Then with long wooden paddle he carefully places both in the kiln. Whilst waiting for the kiln to do its magic, 'e mixes some soft chocolate in a small vessel with nineteen different varieties of chopped peppers and more olive oil and heats over yet anuffer open flame. Then he withdraw both flatbread wraps from kiln, places each on a plate, and presents the chocolate pepper mixture on the side as an optional seasoning.
Palmer: 'ere ye goes luv, bean burritos wif guacomole an mole Sauce!
Jean: wenches dig a man who can cook!
(Jean takes a bite and immediately emits a ladylike whoopee cushion sound effect)
Palmer: aye tis the beans, ats ow ye know its cooked authentically! Good innit?
Well, you see if you can fit that into my second draft at 2947 as long as you can find a way to keep Jean playing the cimbalom- the line about a man alone is important, you know.
oh blazes me lunch hours over! mind if I rework it tonight? I think theres about three or four lines of yours I'll drop and substitute with most of above. it takes 'arry some time to do all this so of course Jean must keep busy playing toons on the cimbalom.
by the way, my lunch was samosas and greek salad, and I didnt cook either of those, both from the newfangled american style supermarket! I can boil pasta and thats it.
I'm just worried youre watching this new version as we write, youre going to get the two mixed up and accidentally slip in details from the new one that arent in the Michael Caine version (aka the "real" version). and I'll probably just assume its some clever witty Barbel reference thats gone over my head.
The miniseries will be on AMC+ latter this year for US viewers not using a VPN. We can see it then.
Don't worry, I can always include "witty" 16th century references to infuriate the masses. Is it too late to mention Marlowe wrote his plays in blank verse?
OK lemme try to do this without breaking anything. @Barbel have a close look once I'm done to ensure I havent overwritten one of your subtle witticisms.
The long list of American Imports I think should go in the supermarket scene, not this one, though 'arry is going to use most of them in is delicious recipe. I may try suggesting where it should fit, once I manage to take this apart and put it back together.
(I just got that Jean is channeling Sylvia Trench!)
_________________________
(Palmer returns to his lodgings. A sound from inside gives him pause; he doth look down through ye keyhole and spies a hand holding a knife. He straightens sharply and bursts through ye door.)
Jean: There. Now thou hast made me miss it.
(‘Tis Jean Courtney, wearing ye top of a set of ‘arry’s pyjamas. She walks over to ye calendar on ye wall and retrieves ye knife she hast just thrown.)
Palmer: Thou doth not miss a thing… except ye date. Today ist ye thirteenth.
Jean: I am superstitious.
Palmer: How did ye get in? Never mind that, thou art here. Who sent ye, Ross?
Jean: Nay, I'm working for Dalby, thou dost work for Ross.
Palmer: Nay thou dost for Ross, I dost work for Dalby.
Jean: Dalby.
Palmer: Ross.
Jean:Dalby!
Palmer: Ross! Anyway, what hast thou learnt about me?
Jean: Thou art a one time Naval Yeoman forced to work for ye intelligence service. Unlike many, thou can read and write. (She holds up a book as evidence, “Birds Of Ye West Indies”.)
Palmer: I do wish that I had never learned to read and write, ‘twould spare me ye torture of endless paperwork.
Jean: I can see thee as useful, since Yeomen go where Officers fear to tread.
Palmer: Art thou hungry?
Jean: Tempted I am.
Palmer: Then sit ye here whilst I cook.
(He indicates a seat in front of a musical instrument.)
Jean: Hmm, a cimbalom- these are most rare.
(Jean sits and looks around. Ye apartment hath low wood beams and an elaborate kitchen that seems to overspill its portion of the floorplan. ‘Tis a small cluttered apartment and a lot of ye area ist given over to cooking needs. She can see recipes pinned up on his walls, but too far away to read. Ye area round ye cimbalom ist well-ordered, though ye rest is a bit of a mess.)
Palmer:(Enters kitchen and gathers several implements.) Aye, I had it, er, imported from Hungary.
Jean: Smuggled, thou doth mean. (Jean looks round at 'arry's larder full of of strange exotic foods)Most unusual, I don't recognise all these trendy imported foods. Oh,these art "champignons", art they not?
Palmer: That’s right.
Jean: Thou doth fancy thineself a real gourmet.
(Palmer begins to prepare a meal while Jean plays at ye cimbalom. ‘Tis a haunting melody, most suitable for a man alone.)
Jean: What art thou making?
Palmer: Well, I shalt use onion, garlic, olive oil, tomatillo, avocado, black beans, pinto beans, frijoles refritos (ats yet more beans), lime, cilantro, maize-based flatbread, mozzarella, chocolate, nineteen variety of peppers, with coffee afterwards. and wuffahell, might as well av summa 'em champignons.
('arry stands and chops behind a massive wooden cutting board, overlooking the living room where Jean plays the cimbalom . Behind him is an array of open flames, over which sit iron cauldrons, frying pans, sauce pans, and there is something like a potters kiln built of brick. All are bubbling and sizzling and 'e spins between each wif split second timing, not cuttin' or burnin' 'imself once.)
(on the cutting board 'e finely chops garlic, onions, tomatillos and peppers and then stirs the result in a bowl wif olive oil)
Palmer: 'ere's some nice spicy salsa! (picks up dark green object the size of his hand)
Jean: but what is this?!!? thou art holding a hand grenade!
Palmer: naw luv, tis an avocado (slices, separates pit, scoops out green flesh and mashes with more garlic,, olive oil, lime and cilantro) an' theres our gwac! now lessee if these beans are ready (with immense ladle scoops out mixture of cooked beans from the iron cauldron)
Jean: thou certainly dost have an irresponsible number of open flames in such a small apartment!
Palmer: fat reminds me, luv, ye mind opening yon window so we can sees what we're doing?
(Jean opens window and thick clouds of black smoke dissipate)
('arry pulls out two flatbreads, lays them on the cutting board, and fills each generously wif beans, gwac, salsa and a dollop of sour cream. He rolls each into a wrap and coats with shredded mozeralla. Then with long wooden paddle he carefully places both in the kiln. Whilst waiting for the kiln to do its magic, 'e mashes some soft chocolate in a small vessel with nineteen different varieties of chopped peppers into a paste and heats over yet anuffer open flame. Then he withdraws both flatbread wraps from kiln, places each on a clean plate, and presents the chocolate pepper mixture on the side as an optional seasoning.)
Palmer: 'ere ye goes luv, bean burritos wif guac' an salsa, an mole Sauce on a side!
Jean: Wenches dig a man who can cook!
(Jean takes a bite and immediately emits a ladylike whoopee cushion sound effect)
Palmer: aye tis the beans, ats ow ye know its cooked authentically! Good innit?
Jean: Delicious, especially ye guac' and ye salsa. and this mole sauce, I could even eat it even without the peppers, by the boxfull!
Palmer: Glad I am that thou hast enjoyed it.
Jean: So, I have learned that ye art a good cook and art interested in music.
Palmer: Well, surely thou wert sent to learn about me.
Jean: I have learned much, and call me Shirley not.
Palmer: But of course.
Jean: Thine eyeglasses, do thee ever take them off?
Palmer: Only in bed.
(Jean reaches to his face and takes ye eyeglasses off….)
by the way kids, dont try this recipe at home! I bollox'd my way through the whole thing, and my instructions for mole sauce will probably make you sick! according to Wikipedia its supposed to take days to prepare mole sauce properly.
and if its alright, I'm going to amend the supermarket scene slightly to include the long list of American food imports, now even longer, so here is post 2916 with two lines added
_____________________________
(A trendy booth at ye Farmers Market specialising in exotic American imports. 'arry is shopping for newly introduced food products only grown in ye Americas, looking very hip and at home. In ye middle of ye aisle he spots Ross, staring at an ear of maize, looking uncomfortable and confused.)
Palmer: Ah 'allo Colonel Ross, didn’t know thou were an enthusiast for ye new American imports!
Ross: (Very unconvincingly.) Palmer! What a surprise to see thee here! Yes, yes of course, I shop here all ye time. Love ye stuff. Er, what ist this one, seems quite popular? (Points to display being near continuously picked from by fidgety customers.)
Palmer: Now that be tobacco leaf sir, nice‘n’addictive an’ ye dont even get 'igh like ye do wif Indian hemp! I bet some people could smoke 70 a day an’ not feel a thing!
Ross: I don’t think I see ye point of that. What ist that one you have there?
Palmer: That there is a potato.
Ross: Looks boring. Give it to ye Irish. And this?
Palmer: Ah that’s coffee beans sir, me fav'rit! ‘Tis also nice’n’addictive but it keeps ye wide awake.
Ross: Well that does sound more useful. How about this?
Palmer: Coca leaf sir, for when ye coffee don’t work no more- ‘tis even more addictive.
Ross: Now see here Palmer, are there any of these newfangled American imports that aren’t addictive drugs? Isn’t there anything nice and tasty ye can eat?
Ross: You're not fooling me Palmer, I know all about your criminal proclivities, you're trying to get me "hooked"!
Palmer: Naw sir, not me. Well howsabout that maize ye have in yer hand, sir, 'ats a food staple, lots ye can do wif maize and ‘tis very nutritious.
Ross: But how do you eat this thing?
Palmer: Wif yer teef sir, ye bite the kernels off wif yer teef.
Ross: Preposterous! Most of us English folk don’t even have teeth!
Palmer:Or... ye can slice off ye kernels and cook ‘em in an iron cauldron wif 'ot oil! Then ye get popped maize, sir! Look, ‘alf ye people in ye theatre are eatin’ bucketfuls o' that right now! (Gestures to Audience.)
Voice At Back: Oy you lot, quit chompin’ yer popped maize so loud, I can not hear ye dialogue!
Second Voice: What’s a point? This Playe makes even less sense when you can hear ye dialogue!
Ross: (Glares at Audience, then turns back to face Palmer.) Well ye still need some teeth for that. Speaking of exotic edible delicacies, Palmer, I happen to hear that, er, Major Dalby has got himself a talking parrot?
Palmer: Well I don't know if I'd know anyfink bout 'at sir.
Ross: Aye, very good, correct answer. Of course, if I were, let us say, to be interested in what this talking parrot has to say, er...
Palmer: If?
Ross: Let us imagine, just to be theoretical, that I were Colonel Ross...
Palmer: I don't know, I can’t keep up wif 'oo's 'oo in this Playe sir. (Aside to Audience.) All I know is my name aint 'arry!
Ross: ...and if, suppositionally speaking of course, I were still your superior officer, do ye think someone might, er, be able to "accidentally" procure said talking parrot for me?
Palmer: Naw, naw, sir, of course I'd never do 'at sir, cuz 'at would be illegal.
Ross: In that case, theoretically speaking, what if I were to "accidentally" throw your smart arse back into Gaol if you don't? (Ross gives a very direct look at Palmer, who looks straight back at him. Ross changes ye subject.) How about this one? A glass vessel full of "Pre-Chewed Maize", it says, "No Teeth Required"!
Palmer: Naw ye don’t want 'at, 'ats baby food, sir!
And your kitchen scene too, much more elaborate than mine. (In Ep2 of the new TV series., there's a version of it.) And the supermarket scene is now better.
Glad you got "A Man Alone". Sometimes I go for a pie in the face, sometimes I'm too subtle and nobody notices.
I threw in a good few Bond references, out of habit I suppose.
After our last flatulence-filled farrago, it was good to see we've held this one to a minimum.
Caractacus, when doing Carswell's dialogue remember that he isn't a cockney. He's Scottish.
(1) His first name is Jock (that's not in the book)
(2) He's played by the late Gordon Jackson- a household name in the UK in his day, thanks to such shows as "Upstairs Downstairs" (the "Downton Abbey" of its time) and, much more in our wheelhouse, "The Professionals". Non-Brits probably know him best from "The Great Escape"- he gives the game away as he and Richard Attenborough are about to get on a bus when a German officer wishes them "Good luck" and he replies "Thank you" all in English!
och, well you'd better rewrite all Jock's lines. its been five generations since my clansfolk talked like that and I dont wish to misrepresent Scootsmen as thrrrrifty or anything like that.
next scene? the big scene we havent touched yet is the bandshell scene. This is another one worth stretching out, especially for the Dalby content. We've barely had any Dalby content, and he's the funniest character! Also for the musical debate, which I have no idea how to transpose to 1590. I'd rather do Asterix style anachronisms than historically accurate references no-one will have heard of, but even then Idont know my Mozart titles enough to make anachronistic wordplay. plotwise, Palmer and Dalby are surrounded by heavies and arrange the exchange which happens in the next scene. But lets have some funny Dalby content!
then we need some version of the parking garage: same problem as the library but even moreso: theres almost no dialog and its confusing and doesnt even have nice architecture. I suggested a chest of pyrate booty instead of a briefcase full of cash, and westward suggested a French agent instead of CIA. and thats all we got so far. Maybe make it quick just to get the main plotpoints and insert a few cheaplaffs so its not a complete waste of the readers time
'arry tries to leave town (by carriage), and I guess gets waylaid by highwaymen, that can be done in two paragraphs
brainwashing sequence already done, unless you fellers want changes
final confrontation with the two bosses (it happens in the same warehouse where 'arry found the talking parrot)
I say we concentrate on the bandshell scene, its the biggest and best of the scenes left
one leftover: a paragraph or two describing their attempts to get the parrot to talk. All it does is make weird noises. westward suggested we could have an onstage old time radio sound effects man providing the weird sound effects supposedly made by the parrot, though that does seem overcomplicated. otherwise I think thats all we need.
do we need a scene to prove the returned alchemist has been brainwashed? maybe when they try to get him to talk he can just make the same weird sound effects as the parrot. Thats not quite in the movie, but we could get it done in four lines of dialog and itd be a reprise of one of our own gags!
frankly, the second half of the film has a lot confusing plot, but aside from the bandshell scene and the brainwashing and final confrontation, theres not so many classic IPCRESS vibe scenes as were in the first half.
Let me just say there will be dialogue and it will be anachronistic and silly. Let's just say for now all that synchronized footwork will have a whole new dimension to the "Standard Exchange Protocol."
you mean the parking garage scene? good, I cant imagine what to do with it but it needs to be there
the bandshell scene's got much more potential but I dont have any ideas. Except we need to give Dalby some good lines here, this is the scene where he was really cracking me up
final confrontation definitely has dialog, even 'arry's confused bout the plot at this point. In the film he realises Dalby's the villain because he uses the same phrase as the brainwasher. maybe in our version 'arry could say "naw its got to be ye, Dalby, ye're the one 'oo's been overacting all froo the Playe and fats always the sign o the villain" (but then we defintiely need some scenes where Dalby can overact, which we dont have yet!)
technically, in the film 'arry is holding both his bosses at gunpoint, We gotta do something different, Can he ppush them around just by waving his sword?
one more scene yet missing: 'arry requests the Whoo(P)Cush(N)SFX-plfft form to search the warehouse. I n the film this is done over the phone. Lets just have him go back to the office for simplicity sake, he can say he got the lead from one of his network of informants (street urchins). We can get this done in two lines of dialog if we want or work the paperwork joke potential (as was done in the film at this point)
unintended irony: theyre going to the warehouse to find either Codename Budgerigar or Codename Parakeet, I forget which, and we've written it so they find a talking parrot. Should Dalby at least comment on this? maybe when theyre trying to get the parrot to talk he can grumble something sarcastic along these lines. "Palmer you were sent to get Parakeet and instead youve brought back this bloody parrot, they are not the same thing! and to make things worse, this parrot wont even talk, only make silly sound effects"
lets think of silly sound effects a parrot can make that we can write in words
I already have been quietly rewriting Carswell's lines, decocknefying 😁 them.
Remind my ageing brain- the scene where 'arry leads a raid on a factory, only to find it disused. I know you've written some dialogue for that, but do we have a lead-in to it? What makes him suspicious of it?
Remind my ageing brain- the scene where 'arry leads a raid on a factory, only to find it disused. I know you've written some dialogue for that, but do we have a lead-in to it? What makes him suspicious of it?
this is a bit I'm confused about even after just watching the film!
his contact at police HQ has called to let him know theyve arrested the man he's following. 'arry rushes to the police station only to find the man is dead in his cell, and the helpful cop at the desk tells 'arry the man's belongings were taken away by a man called 'arry Palmer. 'arry shows the cop his ID and the copper looks only slightly embarrassed (this is a typical Deighton moment, happens again in Spy Story)
...but I think they got the license number that the phony 'arry drove off in. I think. and this vehicle is then either reported outside the warehouse, or is registered to that address, or something. I confess I missed a link there.
we havent even involved the police contact at all, westward has replaced all that with a Sherlock Homes style network of street urchins.
therefor...
simplest if 'arry just says one of his contacts has given im a lead (if I were 'arry I wouldnt mention they were children, that detail would not impress the boss)
as a bit of character revealing dialog for Dalby, can we perhaps have him say this at the bandshell?
Dalby: Now I know you think I'm an old fuddy-duddy, Palmer, a bit of a pompous git with a broom stuck up his buttocks, and all that sort of rot, as you young folk say. But I "dig" a few "toons" myself, and fancy I can "get down" with the best of them! (Dalby bops head and pumps fist to marching music with least sense of groove ever)
Palmer: Yes I can see that sir (looks round to see if anybody he knows is watching) Most, er, embarassing sir. But do go on.
Comments
Indeed I do, and the library scene is all the better for it. Congrats are in order!
Thanks Barbel. I even over thought the mention of Agathodaemon. If memory serves he was known for poisons. 😂
Harry can say he had his imported from Hungary
Imported of smuggled?
Ah, good thought- smuggled!
Tell me what I've missed-
Palmer returns to his lodgings. A sound from inside gives him pause; he doth look down through ye keyhole and spies a hand holding a knife. He straightens sharply and bursts through ye door.
Jean: There. Now thou hast made me miss it.
(‘Tis Jean Courtney, wearing one of ‘arry’s pyjama tops. She calmly walks over to ye calendar on ye wall and retrieves ye knife she hast just thrown.)
Palmer: Thou doth not miss a thing… except ye date. Today ist ye thirteenth.
Jean: I am superstitious.
Palmer: How did ye get in? Never mind that, thou art here. Who sent ye, Ross?
Jean: Nay, I work for Dalby.
Palmer: I work for Dalby, thou does work for Ross.
Jean: Dalby.
Palmer: Ross.
Jean: Dalby!
Palmer: Ross! Anyway, what hast thou learnt about me?
Jean: Thou art a one time Naval Yeoman forced to work for ye intelligence service. Unlike many, thou can read and write. (She holds up a book as evidence, “Birds Of Ye West Indies”.)
Palmer: I do wish that I had never learned to read and write, ‘twould spare me ye torture of endless paperwork.
Jean: I can see thee as useful, since Yeomen go where Officers fear to tread.
Palmer: Art thou hungry?
Jean: Tempted I am.
Palmer: Then sit ye here whilst I cook.
(He indicates a seat in front of a musical instrument.)
Jean: Hmm, a cimbalom- these are most rare.
Palmer: (Beginning to cook.) Aye, I had it, er, imported from Hungary.
Jean: Smuggled, thou doth mean.
(Palmer cooks them a meal while Jean plays at ye cimbalom. ‘Tis a haunting melody, most suitable for a man alone.)
Palmer: Right, grub is ready. Tuck ye in!
(They eat.)
Jean: So, I have learned that ye art a good cook and art interested in music.
Palmer: Well, surely thou wert sent to learn about me.
Jean: I have learned much, and call me Shirley not.
Palmer: But of course.
Jean: Thine eyeglasses, do thee ever take them off?
Palmer: Only in bed.
(Jean reaches to his face and takes ye eyeglasses off….)
reads good @Barbel and gets most of the main points
since I have the real film fresh in my memory I can see you missed most of the specifics, other than the last two lines, while capturing the gist, most of the important stuff that happens here. and I think thats better, I like the loose reimagining's better than the close transcriptions, theyre funnier and we get to be more original.
main thing that's missing is we should describe the meal, the ingredients, a bit of how he cooks it. The food fetishizism is absolutely essential to the IPCRESS vibe, and this is the big scene where we really see what he can do. a page back i provided a longer list of american food imports (coffee beans, maize, peppers, tomatillo, potato, sweet potato, squash, avocado, pineapple, banana, chocolate, and vanilla, etc) lets have all these on his table, he can make guacomole and salsa for example, a typical mexican take out item would be a real exotic meal for Jean in 1590, he'd really be impressing the young lady!
also a sentence of description of the apartment, maybe paraphrase my note from above.
Palmer's apartment has low wood beams and an elaborate kitchen that seems to overspill its portion of the floorplan. He lives in a small cluttered apartment and a lot of the area is given over to cooking needs. Supposedly theres actual Len Deighton published recipes pinned up on his walls. The area round the
hifi'scimbalom's quite important to this character as well and also well-ordered, the rest is a bit of a mess.(I was thinking 'arry is really a man without an identity, at least as Deighton wrote im, whatever name is on file is probably not his and he is paid to be whoever his blackmailer bosses say he is. So he expresses his identity in that apartment, the music he listens to and most especially what food he eats. Thats why this scene is important)
(I was also thinking the criminal-blackmailed-into-spywork backstory anticipates la Femme Nikita, though its more subtle here)
actually boss, can we please use the two lines I offered already ("I'm working for Dalby, youre working for Ross" "no youre working for Ross I'm working for Dalby")before they start squabbling "Ross!" "Dalby!" etc. Theyre not literally from the film, but rather capture the gist
so if I may squire, more like this
Palmer: How did ye get in? Never mind that, thou art here. Who sent ye, Ross?
Jean: Nay, I'm working for Dalby, thou dost work for Ross
Palmer: Nay thou dost for Ross, I dost work for Dalby
Jean: Dalby.
Palmer: Ross.
Jean: Dalby!
Palmer: Ross! Anyway, what hast thou learnt about me?
also I like the idea of this cimbalom thingie. con: it is more obscure and theres no haitch to drop, pro: it does tie it directly to Barry's soundtrack which is better and may outweigh the con. we should have references to the soundtrack somehow so thats a good angle.
by the way, in the film he realises Jean is working for ross because of the tinned mushrooms
Ross mocked Palmer in the supermarket when he picked up a fancy tin labelled Champignons ("you can get the same thing for ten-pence less without the packaging" "its not just the packaging, sir, it as a better flavour" "you fancy yourself a real gourmet dont you Palmer")
next scene he's cooking for Jean and she picks up the tinned mushrooms and says "oh you and your Champignons", which causes him to snap his fingers and realise "youre working for Ross!". Presumably she and Ross had been talking about that supermarket meeting and 'arry's pretentious shopping habits.
we miss that by moving the dialog to an earlier scene, but does not matter the way Barbel's written it. actually 'arry assumes it was Dalby who ordered her to break in, but we've compressed the two scenes so lets skip the first assumption and not worry about his logic. don't worry about changing this dialog or the scene's position, it works as written.
I just wanted to share that logic now I've spotted it. because I realised this specific exchange in the film is more clever than I'd previously thought, as it reveals how 'arry's mind works and how he puts together the clues from the barrage of information. Something similar happens in the final scene when he realises from Dalby's wording that Dalby must be the traitor. ("listen to me Palmer, kill the traitor", is the same signal words that had been used by the brainwasher)
Okay, I've included all of that (I think)-
Palmer returns to his lodgings. A sound from inside gives him pause; he doth look down through ye keyhole and spies a hand holding a knife. He straightens sharply and bursts through ye door.
Jean: There. Now thou hast made me miss it.
(‘Tis Jean Courtney, wearing ye top of a set of ‘arry’s pyjamas. She walks over to ye calendar on ye wall and retrieves ye knife she hast just thrown.)
Palmer: Thou doth not miss a thing… except ye date. Today ist ye thirteenth.
Jean: I am superstitious.
Palmer: How did ye get in? Never mind that, thou art here. Who sent ye, Ross?
Jean: Nay, I'm working for Dalby, thou dost work for Ross.
Palmer: Nay thou dost for Ross, I dost work for Dalby.
Jean: Dalby.
Palmer: Ross.
Jean: Dalby!
Palmer: Ross! Anyway, what hast thou learnt about me?
Jean: Thou art a one time Naval Yeoman forced to work for ye intelligence service. Unlike many, thou can read and write. (She holds up a book as evidence, “Birds Of Ye West Indies”.)
Palmer: I do wish that I had never learned to read and write, ‘twould spare me ye torture of endless paperwork.
Jean: I can see thee as useful, since Yeomen go where Officers fear to tread.
Palmer: Art thou hungry?
Jean: Tempted I am.
Palmer: Then sit ye here whilst I cook.
(He indicates a seat in front of a musical instrument.)
Jean: Hmm, a cimbalom- these are most rare.
(Jean sits and looks around. Ye apartment hath low wood beams and an elaborate kitchen that seems to overspill its portion of the floorplan. ‘Tis a small cluttered apartment and a lot of ye area ist given over to cooking needs. She can see recipes pinned up on his walls, but too far away to read. Ye area round ye cimbalom ist well-ordered, though ye rest is a bit of a mess.)
Palmer: (Beginning to cook.) Aye, I had it, er, imported from Hungary.
Jean: Smuggled, thou doth mean. What art thou making?
Palmer: Well, I shalt use maize, peppers, tomatillo, potato, sweet potato, squash, avocado, pineapple, banana, chocolate, and vanilla, with coffee afterwards.
Jean: And these art champignons, art they not?
Palmer: That’s right.
Jean: Thou doth fancy thineself a real gourmet.
(Palmer cooks while Jean plays at ye cimbalom. ‘Tis a haunting melody, most suitable for a man alone.)
Palmer: Right, grub is ready. Tuck ye in!
(They eat.)
Jean: Delicious, especially ye guacamole and ye salsa.
Palmer: Glad I am that thou hast enjoyed it.
Jean: So, I have learned that ye art a good cook and art interested in music.
Palmer: Well, surely thou wert sent to learn about me.
Jean: I have learned much, and call me Shirley not.
Palmer: But of course.
Jean: Thine eyeglasses, do thee ever take them off?
Palmer: Only in bed.
(Jean reaches to his face and takes ye eyeglasses off….)
Since so many of these American foods would be from areas controlled by Spain one could suspect Harry's true allegiances.
[here's a ruff draft of the foodporn. I'm no chef but I used to work in a restaurant so this vague recipe is from memory, but maybe you historian types can correct some of the technology. I'm picturing something like a pizza oven, whcih we used to use in the restaurant for various purposes, but am calling it a kiln]
('arry as a 'uge kitchen, overspilling its portion of the floor plan. 'e as a massive wooden cutting board before him, overlooking the living room where Jean plays the cimbalom. Behind him is an array of open flames, over which sit iron cauldrons, frying pans, sauce pans, and there is something like a potters kiln. All are bubbling and sizzling and 'e spins between each wif split second timing,, not cuttin' or burnin' 'imself once.)
(on the cutting board 'e finely chopps garlic, onions, tomatillos and peppers and then stirs the result in a bowl wif olive oil)
Palmer: fere's some nice spicy salsa! (picks up dark green object the size of his hand)
Jean: but what is this? thou hast a hand grenade!
Palmer: naw luv, tis an avocado (slices, separates pit, scoops out green flesh and mashes with more garlic,, olive oil ,and a dash of parika) an' theres our gwac! now lessee if these beans are ready (with immense ladle scoops out cooked black beans from the iron cauldron)
Jean: thou certainly dost have an irresponsible number of open flames in such a small apartment!
Palmer: fat reminds me, luv, ye mind opening yon window so we can sees what we're doing?
(Jean opens window and thick clouds of back smoke dissipitate)
'arry pulls out two flatbreads, lays them on the cutting board, and fills each generously wif black beans, gwac, salsa and a dollop of sour cream. He rolls each into a wrap and coats with shredded mozeralla. Then with long wooden paddle he carefully places both in the kiln. Whilst waiting for the kiln to do its magic, 'e mixes some soft chocolate in a small vessel with nineteen different varieties of chopped peppers and more olive oil and heats over yet anuffer open flame. Then he withdraw both flatbread wraps from kiln, places each on a plate, and presents the chocolate pepper mixture on the side as an optional seasoning.
Palmer: 'ere ye goes luv, bean burritos wif guacomole an mole Sauce!
Jean: wenches dig a man who can cook!
(Jean takes a bite and immediately emits a ladylike whoopee cushion sound effect)
Palmer: aye tis the beans, ats ow ye know its cooked authentically! Good innit?
whoops you wrote a different recipe than me I was wasting so much time!
mines more detailed and describes the kitchen and ends with a fart joke, you mind substitooting my version?
Well, you see if you can fit that into my second draft at 2947 as long as you can find a way to keep Jean playing the cimbalom- the line about a man alone is important, you know.
oh blazes me lunch hours over! mind if I rework it tonight? I think theres about three or four lines of yours I'll drop and substitute with most of above. it takes 'arry some time to do all this so of course Jean must keep busy playing toons on the cimbalom.
by the way, my lunch was samosas and greek salad, and I didnt cook either of those, both from the newfangled american style supermarket! I can boil pasta and thats it.
No hurry. We have all the time in.... ah.
I'm just worried youre watching this new version as we write, youre going to get the two mixed up and accidentally slip in details from the new one that arent in the Michael Caine version (aka the "real" version). and I'll probably just assume its some clever witty Barbel reference thats gone over my head.
The miniseries will be on AMC+ latter this year for US viewers not using a VPN. We can see it then.
Don't worry, I can always include "witty" 16th century references to infuriate the masses. Is it too late to mention Marlowe wrote his plays in blank verse?
It is? Well, shucks.
I'm 2 episodes in and enjoying it very much. Don't worry, it's so different from the film and novel that it would be hard to mix them up!
OK lemme try to do this without breaking anything. @Barbel have a close look once I'm done to ensure I havent overwritten one of your subtle witticisms.
The long list of American Imports I think should go in the supermarket scene, not this one, though 'arry is going to use most of them in is delicious recipe. I may try suggesting where it should fit, once I manage to take this apart and put it back together.
so Barbel's post 2947 intertwined with my post 2949
(I just got that Jean is channeling Sylvia Trench!)
_________________________
(Palmer returns to his lodgings. A sound from inside gives him pause; he doth look down through ye keyhole and spies a hand holding a knife. He straightens sharply and bursts through ye door.)
Jean: There. Now thou hast made me miss it.
(‘Tis Jean Courtney, wearing ye top of a set of ‘arry’s pyjamas. She walks over to ye calendar on ye wall and retrieves ye knife she hast just thrown.)
Palmer: Thou doth not miss a thing… except ye date. Today ist ye thirteenth.
Jean: I am superstitious.
Palmer: How did ye get in? Never mind that, thou art here. Who sent ye, Ross?
Jean: Nay, I'm working for Dalby, thou dost work for Ross.
Palmer: Nay thou dost for Ross, I dost work for Dalby.
Jean: Dalby.
Palmer: Ross.
Jean: Dalby!
Palmer: Ross! Anyway, what hast thou learnt about me?
Jean: Thou art a one time Naval Yeoman forced to work for ye intelligence service. Unlike many, thou can read and write. (She holds up a book as evidence, “Birds Of Ye West Indies”.)
Palmer: I do wish that I had never learned to read and write, ‘twould spare me ye torture of endless paperwork.
Jean: I can see thee as useful, since Yeomen go where Officers fear to tread.
Palmer: Art thou hungry?
Jean: Tempted I am.
Palmer: Then sit ye here whilst I cook.
(He indicates a seat in front of a musical instrument.)
Jean: Hmm, a cimbalom- these are most rare.
(Jean sits and looks around. Ye apartment hath low wood beams and an elaborate kitchen that seems to overspill its portion of the floorplan. ‘Tis a small cluttered apartment and a lot of ye area ist given over to cooking needs. She can see recipes pinned up on his walls, but too far away to read. Ye area round ye cimbalom ist well-ordered, though ye rest is a bit of a mess.)
Palmer: (Enters kitchen and gathers several implements.) Aye, I had it, er, imported from Hungary.
Jean: Smuggled, thou doth mean. (Jean looks round at 'arry's larder full of of strange exotic foods) Most unusual, I don't recognise all these trendy imported foods. Oh, these art "champignons", art they not?
Palmer: That’s right.
Jean: Thou doth fancy thineself a real gourmet.
(Palmer begins to prepare a meal while Jean plays at ye cimbalom. ‘Tis a haunting melody, most suitable for a man alone.)
Jean: What art thou making?
Palmer: Well, I shalt use onion, garlic, olive oil, tomatillo, avocado, black beans, pinto beans, frijoles refritos (ats yet more beans), lime, cilantro, maize-based flatbread, mozzarella, chocolate, nineteen variety of peppers, with coffee afterwards. and wuffahell, might as well av summa 'em champignons.
('arry stands and chops behind a massive wooden cutting board, overlooking the living room where Jean plays the cimbalom . Behind him is an array of open flames, over which sit iron cauldrons, frying pans, sauce pans, and there is something like a potters kiln built of brick. All are bubbling and sizzling and 'e spins between each wif split second timing, not cuttin' or burnin' 'imself once.)
(on the cutting board 'e finely chops garlic, onions, tomatillos and peppers and then stirs the result in a bowl wif olive oil)
Palmer: 'ere's some nice spicy salsa! (picks up dark green object the size of his hand)
Jean: but what is this?!!? thou art holding a hand grenade!
Palmer: naw luv, tis an avocado (slices, separates pit, scoops out green flesh and mashes with more garlic,, olive oil, lime and cilantro) an' theres our gwac! now lessee if these beans are ready (with immense ladle scoops out mixture of cooked beans from the iron cauldron)
Jean: thou certainly dost have an irresponsible number of open flames in such a small apartment!
Palmer: fat reminds me, luv, ye mind opening yon window so we can sees what we're doing?
(Jean opens window and thick clouds of black smoke dissipate)
('arry pulls out two flatbreads, lays them on the cutting board, and fills each generously wif beans, gwac, salsa and a dollop of sour cream. He rolls each into a wrap and coats with shredded mozeralla. Then with long wooden paddle he carefully places both in the kiln. Whilst waiting for the kiln to do its magic, 'e mashes some soft chocolate in a small vessel with nineteen different varieties of chopped peppers into a paste and heats over yet anuffer open flame. Then he withdraws both flatbread wraps from kiln, places each on a clean plate, and presents the chocolate pepper mixture on the side as an optional seasoning.)
Palmer: 'ere ye goes luv, bean burritos wif guac' an salsa, an mole Sauce on a side!
Jean: Wenches dig a man who can cook!
(Jean takes a bite and immediately emits a ladylike whoopee cushion sound effect)
Palmer: aye tis the beans, ats ow ye know its cooked authentically! Good innit?
Jean: Delicious, especially ye guac' and ye salsa. and this mole sauce, I could even eat it even without the peppers, by the boxfull!
Palmer: Glad I am that thou hast enjoyed it.
Jean: So, I have learned that ye art a good cook and art interested in music.
Palmer: Well, surely thou wert sent to learn about me.
Jean: I have learned much, and call me Shirley not.
Palmer: But of course.
Jean: Thine eyeglasses, do thee ever take them off?
Palmer: Only in bed.
(Jean reaches to his face and takes ye eyeglasses off….)
by the way kids, dont try this recipe at home! I bollox'd my way through the whole thing, and my instructions for mole sauce will probably make you sick! according to Wikipedia its supposed to take days to prepare mole sauce properly.
and if its alright, I'm going to amend the supermarket scene slightly to include the long list of American food imports, now even longer, so here is post 2916 with two lines added
_____________________________
(A trendy booth at ye Farmers Market specialising in exotic American imports. 'arry is shopping for newly introduced food products only grown in ye Americas, looking very hip and at home. In ye middle of ye aisle he spots Ross, staring at an ear of maize, looking uncomfortable and confused.)
Palmer: Ah 'allo Colonel Ross, didn’t know thou were an enthusiast for ye new American imports!
Ross: (Very unconvincingly.) Palmer! What a surprise to see thee here! Yes, yes of course, I shop here all ye time. Love ye stuff. Er, what ist this one, seems quite popular? (Points to display being near continuously picked from by fidgety customers.)
Palmer: Now that be tobacco leaf sir, nice‘n’addictive an’ ye dont even get 'igh like ye do wif Indian hemp! I bet some people could smoke 70 a day an’ not feel a thing!
Ross: I don’t think I see ye point of that. What ist that one you have there?
Palmer: That there is a potato.
Ross: Looks boring. Give it to ye Irish. And this?
Palmer: Ah that’s coffee beans sir, me fav'rit! ‘Tis also nice’n’addictive but it keeps ye wide awake.
Ross: Well that does sound more useful. How about this?
Palmer: Coca leaf sir, for when ye coffee don’t work no more- ‘tis even more addictive.
Ross: Now see here Palmer, are there any of these newfangled American imports that aren’t addictive drugs? Isn’t there anything nice and tasty ye can eat?
Palmer: well, all 'ese ones 'ere, sir, look, 'ere's peppers, tomatillo, tomato, potato, sweet potato, pumpkin, squash, avocado, pineapple, papaya, pawpaw, passionfruit, banana, chocolate and vanilla, sunflower, amaranth, quinoa, cashew, pecan, chestnut, walnut, Brazil nut, strawberry, blueberry, cranberry, huckleberry, chuckberry, johnberry, halliberry...
Ross: You're not fooling me Palmer, I know all about your criminal proclivities, you're trying to get me "hooked"!
Palmer: Naw sir, not me. Well howsabout that maize ye have in yer hand, sir, 'ats a food staple, lots ye can do wif maize and ‘tis very nutritious.
Ross: But how do you eat this thing?
Palmer: Wif yer teef sir, ye bite the kernels off wif yer teef.
Ross: Preposterous! Most of us English folk don’t even have teeth!
Palmer: Or... ye can slice off ye kernels and cook ‘em in an iron cauldron wif 'ot oil! Then ye get popped maize, sir! Look, ‘alf ye people in ye theatre are eatin’ bucketfuls o' that right now! (Gestures to Audience.)
Audience: Chomp chomp chomp chomp! Chomp chomp chomp chomp! Chomp chomp chomp chomp! Chomp chomp chomp chomp! etc
Voice At Back: Oy you lot, quit chompin’ yer popped maize so loud, I can not hear ye dialogue!
Second Voice: What’s a point? This Playe makes even less sense when you can hear ye dialogue!
Ross: (Glares at Audience, then turns back to face Palmer.) Well ye still need some teeth for that. Speaking of exotic edible delicacies, Palmer, I happen to hear that, er, Major Dalby has got himself a talking parrot?
Palmer: Well I don't know if I'd know anyfink bout 'at sir.
Ross: Aye, very good, correct answer. Of course, if I were, let us say, to be interested in what this talking parrot has to say, er...
Palmer: If?
Ross: Let us imagine, just to be theoretical, that I were Colonel Ross...
Palmer: I don't know, I can’t keep up wif 'oo's 'oo in this Playe sir. (Aside to Audience.) All I know is my name aint 'arry!
Ross: ...and if, suppositionally speaking of course, I were still your superior officer, do ye think someone might, er, be able to "accidentally" procure said talking parrot for me?
Palmer: Naw, naw, sir, of course I'd never do 'at sir, cuz 'at would be illegal.
Ross: In that case, theoretically speaking, what if I were to "accidentally" throw your smart arse back into Gaol if you don't? (Ross gives a very direct look at Palmer, who looks straight back at him. Ross changes ye subject.) How about this one? A glass vessel full of "Pre-Chewed Maize", it says, "No Teeth Required"!
Palmer: Naw ye don’t want 'at, 'ats baby food, sir!
I love the berries!
And your kitchen scene too, much more elaborate than mine. (In Ep2 of the new TV series., there's a version of it.) And the supermarket scene is now better.
Glad you got "A Man Alone". Sometimes I go for a pie in the face, sometimes I'm too subtle and nobody notices.
I threw in a good few Bond references, out of habit I suppose.
After our last flatulence-filled farrago, it was good to see we've held this one to a minimum.
Yes, WD, far too late!
Now, what scene shall we do next....?
Caractacus, when doing Carswell's dialogue remember that he isn't a cockney. He's Scottish.
(1) His first name is Jock (that's not in the book)
(2) He's played by the late Gordon Jackson- a household name in the UK in his day, thanks to such shows as "Upstairs Downstairs" (the "Downton Abbey" of its time) and, much more in our wheelhouse, "The Professionals". Non-Brits probably know him best from "The Great Escape"- he gives the game away as he and Richard Attenborough are about to get on a bus when a German officer wishes them "Good luck" and he replies "Thank you" all in English!
och, well you'd better rewrite all Jock's lines. its been five generations since my clansfolk talked like that and I dont wish to misrepresent Scootsmen as thrrrrifty or anything like that.
next scene? the big scene we havent touched yet is the bandshell scene. This is another one worth stretching out, especially for the Dalby content. We've barely had any Dalby content, and he's the funniest character! Also for the musical debate, which I have no idea how to transpose to 1590. I'd rather do Asterix style anachronisms than historically accurate references no-one will have heard of, but even then Idont know my Mozart titles enough to make anachronistic wordplay. plotwise, Palmer and Dalby are surrounded by heavies and arrange the exchange which happens in the next scene. But lets have some funny Dalby content!
then we need some version of the parking garage: same problem as the library but even moreso: theres almost no dialog and its confusing and doesnt even have nice architecture. I suggested a chest of pyrate booty instead of a briefcase full of cash, and westward suggested a French agent instead of CIA. and thats all we got so far. Maybe make it quick just to get the main plotpoints and insert a few cheaplaffs so its not a complete waste of the readers time
'arry tries to leave town (by carriage), and I guess gets waylaid by highwaymen, that can be done in two paragraphs
brainwashing sequence already done, unless you fellers want changes
final confrontation with the two bosses (it happens in the same warehouse where 'arry found the talking parrot)
I say we concentrate on the bandshell scene, its the biggest and best of the scenes left
one leftover: a paragraph or two describing their attempts to get the parrot to talk. All it does is make weird noises. westward suggested we could have an onstage old time radio sound effects man providing the weird sound effects supposedly made by the parrot, though that does seem overcomplicated. otherwise I think thats all we need.
do we need a scene to prove the returned alchemist has been brainwashed? maybe when they try to get him to talk he can just make the same weird sound effects as the parrot. Thats not quite in the movie, but we could get it done in four lines of dialog and itd be a reprise of one of our own gags!
frankly, the second half of the film has a lot confusing plot, but aside from the bandshell scene and the brainwashing and final confrontation, theres not so many classic IPCRESS vibe scenes as were in the first half.
I am working on the exchange scene.
Let me just say there will be dialogue and it will be anachronistic and silly. Let's just say for now all that synchronized footwork will have a whole new dimension to the "Standard Exchange Protocol."
you mean the parking garage scene? good, I cant imagine what to do with it but it needs to be there
the bandshell scene's got much more potential but I dont have any ideas. Except we need to give Dalby some good lines here, this is the scene where he was really cracking me up
final confrontation definitely has dialog, even 'arry's confused bout the plot at this point. In the film he realises Dalby's the villain because he uses the same phrase as the brainwasher. maybe in our version 'arry could say "naw its got to be ye, Dalby, ye're the one 'oo's been overacting all froo the Playe and fats always the sign o the villain" (but then we defintiely need some scenes where Dalby can overact, which we dont have yet!)
technically, in the film 'arry is holding both his bosses at gunpoint, We gotta do something different, Can he ppush them around just by waving his sword?
one more scene yet missing: 'arry requests the Whoo(P)Cush(N)SFX-plfft form to search the warehouse. I n the film this is done over the phone. Lets just have him go back to the office for simplicity sake, he can say he got the lead from one of his network of informants (street urchins). We can get this done in two lines of dialog if we want or work the paperwork joke potential (as was done in the film at this point)
unintended irony: theyre going to the warehouse to find either Codename Budgerigar or Codename Parakeet, I forget which, and we've written it so they find a talking parrot. Should Dalby at least comment on this? maybe when theyre trying to get the parrot to talk he can grumble something sarcastic along these lines. "Palmer you were sent to get Parakeet and instead youve brought back this bloody parrot, they are not the same thing! and to make things worse, this parrot wont even talk, only make silly sound effects"
lets think of silly sound effects a parrot can make that we can write in words
I already have been quietly rewriting Carswell's lines, decocknefying 😁 them.
Remind my ageing brain- the scene where 'arry leads a raid on a factory, only to find it disused. I know you've written some dialogue for that, but do we have a lead-in to it? What makes him suspicious of it?
Our posts have crossed!
I believe i've mentioned MAD magazine once or twice. MAD's Maddest Artist Don Martin was legendary for his silly sound effects. Here's a few
here's one about a bird! what happens when you break the birdcall gadget?
we could borrow a few of those and add a few more of our own
barbel sez:
Remind my ageing brain- the scene where 'arry leads a raid on a factory, only to find it disused. I know you've written some dialogue for that, but do we have a lead-in to it? What makes him suspicious of it?
this is a bit I'm confused about even after just watching the film!
his contact at police HQ has called to let him know theyve arrested the man he's following. 'arry rushes to the police station only to find the man is dead in his cell, and the helpful cop at the desk tells 'arry the man's belongings were taken away by a man called 'arry Palmer. 'arry shows the cop his ID and the copper looks only slightly embarrassed (this is a typical Deighton moment, happens again in Spy Story)
...but I think they got the license number that the phony 'arry drove off in. I think. and this vehicle is then either reported outside the warehouse, or is registered to that address, or something. I confess I missed a link there.
we havent even involved the police contact at all, westward has replaced all that with a Sherlock Homes style network of street urchins.
therefor...
simplest if 'arry just says one of his contacts has given im a lead (if I were 'arry I wouldnt mention they were children, that detail would not impress the boss)
as a bit of character revealing dialog for Dalby, can we perhaps have him say this at the bandshell?
Dalby: Now I know you think I'm an old fuddy-duddy, Palmer, a bit of a pompous git with a broom stuck up his buttocks, and all that sort of rot, as you young folk say. But I "dig" a few "toons" myself, and fancy I can "get down" with the best of them! (Dalby bops head and pumps fist to marching music with least sense of groove ever)
Palmer: Yes I can see that sir (looks round to see if anybody he knows is watching) Most, er, embarassing sir. But do go on.
I see the brainwashing warehouse neighboring the one where the parrot was found.
After Dalby's death we get this as my proposed capper to the play:
Ross and Palmer exit the warehouse.
Palmer: I could o’ been killed.
Ross: That’s why we pay you, Palmer.
A young girl approaches the pair.
Young Girl: Excuse me, Sirs. Hast thou perhapst seen my pet parrot. He was lost near here. He don't talk much, but makes a lot of funny sounds.
Ross and Palmer exchange a look.
Ross: Actually, we have. Dost thou have a name, young lady?
Young Girl: (curtseys) Irene, Sir. Irene Penelope Cress.
Ross: Nice to meet you, Young Miss Cress. I am The Major and this is Mister Harry Palmer.
Palmer: My name ain’t ‘Arry.
Whatever rank Ross is. The important thing is he gives his rank, not his name