Imaginary Phone Calls
Barbel
ScotlandPosts: 37,866Chief of Staff
IMAGINARY PHONE CALLS
1981
Secretary: Brosnan residence... Certainly, Mr Broccoli, I’ll just see if- argh!
Brosnan: Why good evening, Mr Broccoli, your reputation precedes you. My name is Brosnan... Pierce Brosnan. I was just enjoying a vodka martini, shaken not stirred.
Broccoli: Yes, thank you Mr Brosnan. Is your wife there?
Brosnan: ...I’ll just go fetch her.
1969
Lazenby: Hi mother, it’s me. Guess what? I got the job! They believed me! ... No, no, I can handle it. What could possibly go wrong?
1969
Barry: Hi, Cubby, it’s John. I’ve just heard the title of the next movie- are you sure about that?
Broccoli: Yes, John, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. Is that a problem?
Barry: Well, it isn’t very musical is it? I mean, I got a song out of “You Only Live Twice” no problem, and “Goldfinger” too, though “Thunderball” did give me a bit of work. I just don’t see this one as a goer.
Broccoli: I see your point, John, just come up with something.
Barry: How long have I got?
Broccoli: All the time in the world.
Barry: ...ah....
1965
McClory: Oh, hi Cubby... and Harry too... so, you agree to my terms? Sure, sure, this is a one-off... No, no, of course I wouldn’t...
1985
Moore: Hello? Ah, hi Cubby, how are you?.... No, not again, I’m getting a bit too... No, seriously, Cubby, I think I’ve done enough and it might look a bit.... How much? .... No, really I don’t think.... HOW much did you say?... Well, ok, I’ll see you on Monday.
2006
MGW: Hello, Pierce, it’s Michael... Yes, fine, and the family are all fine too... Look, Barbara and I have been thinking that it might be time to find a new... Now, hold on one minute.... really, there’s no need to use that kind of...
2003
Secretary: Hello, Eon Productions Ltd.
Tamahori: Hi, can I speak to Barbara or Michael please?
Secretary: Who should I say is calling?
Tamahori: It’s Lee Tamahori... Hello? Hello? Damn, not again.
1983
Barry: Cubby, you can NOT be serious.
Broccoli: Why wouldn’t I be? What’s wrong with “Octopussy”?
Barry: I am NOT writing you a song called “Octopussy”! Monty Norman would die laughing.
Broccoli: That’s what you said about “Moonraker” and you managed that!
2012
MGW: Hello, Sir Sean, this is Michael Wilson ... yes, we've met, I was with my stepfather Cub.... hello?
1964
Hamilton: Hi Cubby, it’s Guy- have you got an actor for the title role yet?
Broccoli: Sure, Guy, I hired that German fella Gert Frobe.
Hamilton: He sure looks right, but are you certain he can handle the dialogue?
Broccoli: No problem, Guy, his agent says he can speak English.
1997
MGW: Hi John, it's Michael. We'd like you to do the music for our next picture Tomorrow Never Dies.
Barry: Sure thing, Michael, I'll start on the theme song right away.
MGW: Ah... we only want you to write the score, the marketing people want Sheryl Crow to write and sing the song.
Barry: I don't mind who you get to sing it, but I should be writing it- you know, like I did for GF, TB, YOLT, DAF etc etc.
MGW: No, she gets to write the song.
Barry: Then let me give you David Arnold's phone number....
1962
Fleming: Hello, Anne darling it's me- yes, the deal is signed. Harry Saltzman and a fellow called Cabbage or Sprout or some vegetable anyway.... No, they couldn't get Cary Grant, it's some Scottish chap.
1981
Secretary: Brosnan residence... Certainly, Mr Broccoli, I’ll just see if- argh!
Brosnan: Why good evening, Mr Broccoli, your reputation precedes you. My name is Brosnan... Pierce Brosnan. I was just enjoying a vodka martini, shaken not stirred.
Broccoli: Yes, thank you Mr Brosnan. Is your wife there?
Brosnan: ...I’ll just go fetch her.
1969
Lazenby: Hi mother, it’s me. Guess what? I got the job! They believed me! ... No, no, I can handle it. What could possibly go wrong?
1969
Barry: Hi, Cubby, it’s John. I’ve just heard the title of the next movie- are you sure about that?
Broccoli: Yes, John, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. Is that a problem?
Barry: Well, it isn’t very musical is it? I mean, I got a song out of “You Only Live Twice” no problem, and “Goldfinger” too, though “Thunderball” did give me a bit of work. I just don’t see this one as a goer.
Broccoli: I see your point, John, just come up with something.
Barry: How long have I got?
Broccoli: All the time in the world.
Barry: ...ah....
1965
McClory: Oh, hi Cubby... and Harry too... so, you agree to my terms? Sure, sure, this is a one-off... No, no, of course I wouldn’t...
1985
Moore: Hello? Ah, hi Cubby, how are you?.... No, not again, I’m getting a bit too... No, seriously, Cubby, I think I’ve done enough and it might look a bit.... How much? .... No, really I don’t think.... HOW much did you say?... Well, ok, I’ll see you on Monday.
2006
MGW: Hello, Pierce, it’s Michael... Yes, fine, and the family are all fine too... Look, Barbara and I have been thinking that it might be time to find a new... Now, hold on one minute.... really, there’s no need to use that kind of...
2003
Secretary: Hello, Eon Productions Ltd.
Tamahori: Hi, can I speak to Barbara or Michael please?
Secretary: Who should I say is calling?
Tamahori: It’s Lee Tamahori... Hello? Hello? Damn, not again.
1983
Barry: Cubby, you can NOT be serious.
Broccoli: Why wouldn’t I be? What’s wrong with “Octopussy”?
Barry: I am NOT writing you a song called “Octopussy”! Monty Norman would die laughing.
Broccoli: That’s what you said about “Moonraker” and you managed that!
2012
MGW: Hello, Sir Sean, this is Michael Wilson ... yes, we've met, I was with my stepfather Cub.... hello?
1964
Hamilton: Hi Cubby, it’s Guy- have you got an actor for the title role yet?
Broccoli: Sure, Guy, I hired that German fella Gert Frobe.
Hamilton: He sure looks right, but are you certain he can handle the dialogue?
Broccoli: No problem, Guy, his agent says he can speak English.
1997
MGW: Hi John, it's Michael. We'd like you to do the music for our next picture Tomorrow Never Dies.
Barry: Sure thing, Michael, I'll start on the theme song right away.
MGW: Ah... we only want you to write the score, the marketing people want Sheryl Crow to write and sing the song.
Barry: I don't mind who you get to sing it, but I should be writing it- you know, like I did for GF, TB, YOLT, DAF etc etc.
MGW: No, she gets to write the song.
Barry: Then let me give you David Arnold's phone number....
1962
Fleming: Hello, Anne darling it's me- yes, the deal is signed. Harry Saltzman and a fellow called Cabbage or Sprout or some vegetable anyway.... No, they couldn't get Cary Grant, it's some Scottish chap.
Comments
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Pros and Cons Compendium (50 Years)
Good work, Barbel -{
Then repost it here, AC, plus any more you can think up.
Another interesting phone call would be when Cubby was phoning Connery for the role in DAF.
Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
Absolutely Higgins -{ I can hear it now...
1971
Broccoli: Hi Sean, it's Cubby... No, no, don't be like that... Why would I need something? Can't old friends just call for a catch up? Although now you mention it...
Oscar Wilde
1983
McClory: Hi Sean, it's Kevin. Have you spoken to Cubby lately?... No? Good. How about Roger?... No? Even better. Perhaps best you don't... Listen how do fancy a little trip down memory lane?
Oscar Wilde
1981
Glen: Hi Cubby, how are you?.... The pool scene? Sure, I’ve just finished shooting it- looks real good, lots of pretty girls in bikinis, just the way you like it... Oh yeah, of course I remember her- the brunette with the big... She’s what? She’s a... Well, she sure didn’t look like a... No, I’ve shot it already, we can’t go back and do it again... I’ll see what I can do with the edit.
1967
Gilbert: Hi Ken, it’s Lewis... fine, fine, thanks. It’s about that drawing you sent me. I think you’ve made a mistake in the scale, it seems to be about four miles wide and three miles high, haha, don’t you mean... No mistake, I see... It really IS that big. Well, also, this ring thing looks a little like a monorail, haha, I was just wondering what it’s really meant to be?... Oh, it really IS a monorail. Okay... Now, about this rocket...
1977
Gilbert: Hi Ken, it’s Lewis... fine, fine, thanks. It’s about that drawing you sent me. I think you’ve made a mistake in the scale, it seems to be about four miles wide and three miles high, haha, don’t you mean... No mistake, I see... It really IS that big. Well, also, this ring thing looks a little like a monorail, haha, I was just wondering what it’s really meant to be?... Oh, it really IS a monorail. Okay... Now, about this submarine...
1979
Gilbert: Hi Ken, it’s Lewis... fine, fine, thanks. It’s about that drawing you sent me....
2012
Barbara Broccoli: Oh, hi Judi, how are you?... Yes, looking forward to seeing you tomorrow and we’ll go over the script.... What’s that? The next one? Ah, yes, I’d been meaning to talk to you about that...
1995
MGW: Oh, hi Tim, how are you?... No, I’m taking his calls now. Anyway, the script’s about ready and... you what? But you... but... oh, I see, bye Tim.
Tall Secretary: Ein problem, Herr Wilson?
MGW: Hm, not necessarily – have you still got that guy Brosnan’s number?
Barbara Broccoli : " Have you lined up the stunt team for the parachute surfing scene ?"
Lee Tamahori : " Don't need them. This CGI is fantastic, we can do it all with computers "
BB : " Are you sure we're known for great stunt work !"
LT : " I promise you Barbara, this will created a scene, Fans will be talking about for years !"
BB : " Well if you're sure "
LT : " Trust me! ........ By the way Barbara, what size do you take in a shoe ?".
Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
Loved the 'a fellow called Cabbage or Sprout or some vegetable anyway'
Barbara: Dan, we just love what you've been doing! ... No, I'm sure the public will love you too... Look, we've done this before, just relax... Well, the best way is really to introduce you via a press call... Yes, we were thinking that you should appear in true Bond style, maybe burst onto the scene on a speedboat... No, no need to get your haircut, it'll be fine, what's that? no they'll give probably you a hi-vis life jacket for a coupla seconds ... I tell you, the public are just gonna go nuts when they see you....
1962
Young: ...no Monty, I do like the song, I really do. We'll definitely use it. It's just that I was looking for something a bit more, you know, zippier, punchier.... yes of course your wife can sing it, but can we move away from the mango stuff? Something that we could use for a chase scene perhaps, or... No, no, I like the one about the three blind mice too but again I was wanting something, I don't know, with a bit more...
1968
Secretary: Eon Productions Ltd, can I help you? ...No, I'm sorry, could you spell that please? ...L-A-Z-E-N-B-Y... And the first name again?
1970
Secretary: Eon Productions Ltd, can I help you? ...No, I'm sorry, could you spell that please? ...L-A-Z-E-N-B-Y... And the first name again?
1964
General Russhon: Fort Knox Public Relations, can I help you?.... Oh, of course I've heard of you, you make the James Bond pictures don't you?... Why, yes if I can... You want what?... Well, I don't think we could allow... How many people?... Yes, I know they'd be carrying empty guns but still... and a helicopter with a fake bomb... No, I'm sorry, that's quite out of the... No, I'm afraid we couldn't possibly...
2015
Michael G: Hi Babs, how's it going? Yes, the boys have been on the line, the script is finished... Yes, totally, hush hush... No, there's no way we can send it to everyone by post, far too risky ... Email, well that's just not very secure, right off, is it? ... No, the only way we can guarantee it stays hush hush is to to post it on a secure website...
1967
Broccoli: Oh, hi Harry, so did you go and see the Feldman movie then? How was it? Was Niven any good as Bond?... What?... And Sellers? ...Woody who?.. What?... What???... Oh my sweet... They didn't... They didn't... So who dubbed Andress?... Nobody???... No, I think you're right, Harry, we don't have anything to worry about. We've got Connery, after all.
1995
Serra: Mais oui, M. Wilson, I would be, how you say, delighted... Yes, of course I have listened to the other Bond soundtracks... Oui, oui, I understand what is required... Just leave it to me.
1997
Spottiswoode: Oh, hi Barbara... No, we're fine... Just a spot of trouble with the car scenes in Hamburg, but it's all sorted now... No, it was one of the extras... Yes, that one... No, he won't be back.
hahaha, genius!
Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
You are on a run tonight.
You should try to make a hero son while you are on it
Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
Marguerite LeWars: “Mr. Young, are you sure I’m supposed to say those things? In that part of the script, I have no dialogue at the Kingston Airport.”
Terence Young: “Please call me Terence, my dear, and yes, you should relate to me how you would emote those actions, to demonstrate you are conveying the appropriate attitude of your character, your very naughty character.”
Marguerite LeWars: “Very well…Terence. I’m still not sure about the descriptive wording you are suggesting for me to say, but here it goes. “I held the thick and hard handle of the camera at the base. My fingertips squeezed the bulbous flash, gently twisting it until it came…off. I then licked the threaded base, rapidly darting my tongue on every ridge and crevice until the entire shaft was covered in my saliva…” …are you sure that’s not too over-the-top, Terence? Terence? Mr. Young? Are you still on the other end?!
Terence Young: (Groaaaaaan!!!)
Cubby, " hello is that you Sean, what's the problem ?"
SC, " I seem to be losing my hair, Cubby, it's disappearing fast !"
Cubby, " No one cares Sean, you're the number 1, box office star
In the world "
SC, " I don't care, I want something done ..... I want a toupe !'
Cubby, " Sean,I don't think ......... "
SC, " look just get me a Toupe, make this happen!"
Cubby, " OK Sean, ..... But on your head be it !"