No discussion: The political jokes thread
Number24
NorwayPosts: 22,422MI6 Agent
This is the thread where everyone is invited to tell political jokes. Only tell political jokes, that is. We are not allowed to discuss the jokes here- that belongs in another thread :v
The other rule is - be funny!
What kind of doctor do you need to fix Obamacare? An URLologist
Donald Trump isn't a sexual abuser. He's an alternative romantic.
English players are frantically googling "football" after playing Iceland.
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar.
The Englishman wanted to go so they all had to leave.
In capitalism, man exploits man. In socialism, it's the other way around.
The other rule is - be funny!
What kind of doctor do you need to fix Obamacare? An URLologist
Donald Trump isn't a sexual abuser. He's an alternative romantic.
English players are frantically googling "football" after playing Iceland.
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar.
The Englishman wanted to go so they all had to leave.
In capitalism, man exploits man. In socialism, it's the other way around.
Comments
Did you hear about Monica Lewinsky becoming a Republican? The Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
What movie does Hillary watch when she's in a bad mood? Kill Bill.
Q: What is the difference between God and Donald Trump?
A: God doesn't belive he's Donald Trump.
Recently you have called home some of my favorite musical celebrities: Prince, David Bowie, Glenn Frey, Leon Russell, and Leonard Cohen.
FYI, my favorite radio and television celebrities are Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Bill O'Reilly, Glenn Beck, and Ann Coulter.
Thank you, Amen.
(I'll stop now. Feel free to continue
"I am not an entrant in the Shakespeare Stakes." - Ian Fleming
"Screw 'em." - Daniel Craig, The Best James Bond EverTM
Lady Astor: Prime Minister, you are drunk!
Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly- but I will be sober tomorrow.
Nick Clegg.
Why was Nigel Farage's Christmas dinner so crap?
He banned brussles and there was no turkey despite Nigel insisting it would be admited to the table any minute now.
Why doesn't Father Christmas vote UKIP? He isn't worried about living near a Pole.
And not declaring his two kitchens but being interviewed in both of them on the same day
A socialist with two kitchens and a housekeeper -{
Another political joke
And for a full house, I wonder where corbyn is taking inspiration from?
Checking for std's
Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
A: Juan by Juan
Q: Why did Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?
A: Because when he won, he moved into a smaller house in a black neighbourhood.
Q: What does Donald Trump’s wife call it when he takes viagra?
A: A rigged erection
How the EU works: In Germany, they make the rules, in Britain, they obey the rules, in France, they bend the rules, in Spain, they break the rules and in Italy they have no rules at all.
Oh dear. The eurozone's Facebook page has changed its currency status from ‘single’ to ‘it's complicated’.
The eurozone leaders are looking for a stimulus package. Silvio Berlusconi suggests two Viagra and a Red Bull.
Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece.
The mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor, he wondered aloud how on earth he could afford such a house.
The Spaniard replied: ‘You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to construct a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end, I could build this place.’
The following year the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek mayor's house: gold taps, marble floors, diamond doorknobs, it was marvellous.
When he asked how he’d raised the money to build this incredible house, the Greek mayor said: ‘You see that bridge over there?’
The Spaniard replied: ‘No.’
The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k", Which should klear up some konfusion and allow one key less on keyboards.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f", making words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" is disgrasful.
By the fourth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and everivun vil find it izi to understand esh ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI KOM TRU!
Bond: Pierce Brosnan Villain: Hugo Drax Girl: Pam Bouvier
That MUST be a joke
Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
Q: How many North Koreans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The Supreme Leader says we are okay to be in the dark.
Did you know that in North Korea, their military always marches to the left?
It's because in North Korea they have no rights.
Dark Humor is like food in North Korea.
Not everyone gets it.
Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!