No discussion: The political jokes thread

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  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,312MI6 Agent
    If Donald Trump and Nigel Farage were drowning and you could only save one of them, would you:

    1) Read the newspaper
    2) Go to lunch
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,312MI6 Agent
    One day little Bill asked his dad: - What is politics?
    Dad: -Let me put it this way: I'm the provider of this household, so I'm the capitalist. Mom handles the money, so she's the government.
    We're here for you and your needs, so you're the people. The nanny is the working class, obviously. We could say your little brother is the future. Now go think about this and see if you can figure it out.

    Bill goes to bed and ponders what he has learnt. After a while he hears his little brother crying. He runs into his room and sees the baby needs a change of diapers. Bill runs to his parents' bedroom, but he only finds his sleeping mother. He doesn't want to wake her up, so he runs to find the nanny. Her room is locked. He peeks into the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. Bill gives up and goes back to sleep.

    At breakfast Bill says: - I think I understand politics now.
    Dad smiles: - Good. Now tell everyone, in your own words, what politics is.
    Bill: - While the capitalist is exploiting the working class the government is in deep sleep. The people are ignored while the future is full of sh1t.
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,458MI6 Agent
    Enjoying one of the headlines today about trump sending a fleet of war ships to waters near North Korea " I armada than you "
    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,312MI6 Agent
    edited April 2017
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  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,312MI6 Agent
    edited April 2017
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    How the Yalta conferance should have been handled:

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  • HigginsHiggins GermanyPosts: 16,619MI6 Agent
    Latest Trump Joke:

    "This is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier."
    After sitting down with the Chinese Premier “After listening for 10 minutes, I realized it’s not so easy,”
    President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

    Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,312MI6 Agent
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  • Napoleon PluralNapoleon Plural LondonPosts: 10,462MI6 Agent
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    Mr Ed for PM! :D
    "This is where we leave you Mr Bond."

    Roger Moore 1927-2017
  • Silhouette ManSilhouette Man The last refuge of a scoundrelPosts: 8,841MI6 Agent
    Jeremy Corbyn

    Diane Abbott

    :D
    "The tough man of the world. The Secret Agent. The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,458MI6 Agent
    Jeremy Corbyn

    Diane Abbott

    :D
    Now they are hilarious :))
    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • Silhouette ManSilhouette Man The last refuge of a scoundrelPosts: 8,841MI6 Agent
    Chriscoop wrote:
    Jeremy Corbyn

    Diane Abbott

    :D
    Now they are hilarious :))

    Former lovers and incompetent buffoons to boot! :))
    "The tough man of the world. The Secret Agent. The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,458MI6 Agent
    :)) I particularly enjoyed Abbotts mathematical skills, paying new policeman £30 a year.
    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • Silhouette ManSilhouette Man The last refuge of a scoundrelPosts: 8,841MI6 Agent
    A car crash of an election campaign for the Labour Party so far. They seem to be heavily prone to these sort of funding gaffes.
    "The tough man of the world. The Secret Agent. The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).
  • HigginsHiggins GermanyPosts: 16,619MI6 Agent
    Well the tories are not any better.

    May starting to create a defensive mentality (They are froming up 27 against us, The EU interfering in the UK elections) is the usual creation of an enemy image when you have no better ideas.

    Worked with Trump (America First) worked with the BREXIT campaign (get back control) and will work again.
    Populism can be so easy! :s

    But what annoys me most are young voters! I've seen a report about young UK voters - remember many of them did not vote because they could not get out of bed and complained heavily that they have been cheated for their future.
    Now the same people say, that they won't vote because they are fed up with politicians 8-)

    Ah, sorry, realise that we are not in the UK election thread :D
    President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

    Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
  • Silhouette ManSilhouette Man The last refuge of a scoundrelPosts: 8,841MI6 Agent
    Yet, somehow the same hated Tories will win the election, even though no one will vote for them and they have no mandate!
    "The tough man of the world. The Secret Agent. The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,825Chief of Staff
    May I point you to the title of this thread- "No discussion"?

    Thank you.
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,458MI6 Agent
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    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,458MI6 Agent
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    Back on track Barbel
    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,458MI6 Agent
    And one for you barbs, just because it's Friday and I like you
    20170505_124639.jpg

    And that would be RUGBY match.
    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,825Chief of Staff
    :)) Thank you, Chris!

    (Er... rugby- that's the game with the odd-shaped balls isn't it? Sport isn't my strong point, but the joke still works!)
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,458MI6 Agent
    A Labour politician, a journalist and a soldier are captured by terrorists and sentenced to death. They are granted one last wish before being beheaded.
    The Labour politician asks for a verse of " keep the red flag flying"
    The reporter asks for the killings to be broadcast on television.
    The soldier asks to be kicked up the arse three times.
    On the last kick the soldier pulls out a pistol from his smock shoots dead three terrorists, picks up an ak47 and kills the rest of the terrorist's and frees the reporter and labour politician.
    The other two ask " why did you ask to be kicked before pulling out your gun and saving us"
    The soldier replies
    " because when we get home I don't want you two telling the tank chasing shysters it was an unprovoked attack "
    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,312MI6 Agent
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  • HigginsHiggins GermanyPosts: 16,619MI6 Agent
    Bildschirmfoto_2017-05-31_um_09.46.24.png
    President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

    Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,312MI6 Agent
    edited May 2017
    Anny likness between any American president and Arab despot friends vs. Nordic prime ministers is purely by chance:. They are all just naturally cuddly and friendly-looking :D

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    (But this photo was taken after the top one and had the caption: "Who rules the world?")
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    edited January 2021
    .
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,458MI6 Agent
    What is it about Politicians and handling balls ? :D
    I don't know? What is it about politicians and handling balls?
    ( i think Maradona may know)
    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • Napoleon PluralNapoleon Plural LondonPosts: 10,462MI6 Agent
    I know Labour is trying to root out anti-semitism in the party, but having a slogan like 'For the Many Not the Fuhrer' is going a bit far...
    "This is where we leave you Mr Bond."

    Roger Moore 1927-2017
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,312MI6 Agent
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  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,312MI6 Agent
    edited June 2017
    New evidence suggests there is really a problem with Obama's birth certificate ....

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  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,312MI6 Agent
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