Press or police reports after incidents in James Bond movies
Number24
NorwayPosts: 22,331MI6 Agent
I think most of us have wondered what the aftermath of episodes in JB movies would have looked like in writing. I certainly have. This is the thread to write these reports, and put your sense of humor to good use 
Maracesh Daily
Last night a voilent incident happened on the 16.25 train going north from the city. Witness reports say a man attacked a couple while they were eating in the dining car. The couple are described as Northern European. The man was medium height, about fifty years old and looking like a boxer or bouncer. Many passengers noticed he was wearing a white tuxedo, an outfit few had seen before. The woman is decribed in much detail by the other passengers. All agree she had long blonde hair, in her 20's and very attractive. This newspaper will not quote the discriptions of her dress because this is a decent newspaper read by families. In spite of the age difference there is doubt if the two were father and daughter.
Around 20.30 last night a man assailed them. He is described as very tall, with a powerful build and "wearing a suit, like normal people do". The attacker had a short, black beard and had a darker complexion than the couple. The attacker's nationality is unknown since no-one ever heard the man speak. We know little of the fight itself since all the other passengers seem to have vanished the moment it started. What we do know is that great damage was done to the dining car, the kitchen car and a car used for storage. Some report gun fire. The sleeping compartment of the attacked couple was also damaged, but there is some disagreement if the damage is the result of the fight itself. It is believed couple left the train on an abondoned train station in the dessert before anyone dared look for them. The large attacker is also unaccounted for. The train will be back in service in a week.
Maracesh Daily
Last night a voilent incident happened on the 16.25 train going north from the city. Witness reports say a man attacked a couple while they were eating in the dining car. The couple are described as Northern European. The man was medium height, about fifty years old and looking like a boxer or bouncer. Many passengers noticed he was wearing a white tuxedo, an outfit few had seen before. The woman is decribed in much detail by the other passengers. All agree she had long blonde hair, in her 20's and very attractive. This newspaper will not quote the discriptions of her dress because this is a decent newspaper read by families. In spite of the age difference there is doubt if the two were father and daughter.
Around 20.30 last night a man assailed them. He is described as very tall, with a powerful build and "wearing a suit, like normal people do". The attacker had a short, black beard and had a darker complexion than the couple. The attacker's nationality is unknown since no-one ever heard the man speak. We know little of the fight itself since all the other passengers seem to have vanished the moment it started. What we do know is that great damage was done to the dining car, the kitchen car and a car used for storage. Some report gun fire. The sleeping compartment of the attacked couple was also damaged, but there is some disagreement if the damage is the result of the fight itself. It is believed couple left the train on an abondoned train station in the dessert before anyone dared look for them. The large attacker is also unaccounted for. The train will be back in service in a week.
Comments
Luxury train operator 'Desert Rail' remarked that it was fortunate that it happened on this particular route as few other people ever ventured that way. "Thank goodness it wasn't our 'Sahara Sojourn' as that is always jam-packed," explained Moustaffa Heidelberg, the company's director of operations. "We had been planning on fazing out this particular journey for some time and last night's event may well cause us to end it sooner rather than later."
In addition to the incident on the train, a very large explosion was seen and felt not more than a Rolls' ride away from the el-Kabbab station.
"It lit up the whole sky and was bigger than anything I have ever seen in any movie," said Gunther Greenrunner, an ornithologist who happened to be staying in a desert camp not too far away. "The ground shook and then there were vehicles and aircraft all around."
A major traffic incident took place in the historic city center yesterday. It seems the disturbance originated in a undisclosed building linked to the secret "Organs", but we can't say what organ even though all our readers know. What we can say is that an older military tank was stolen from the facility and was driven at great speed through the streets. Witnesses agree the tank seemed to be chasing a civilian Russian car. The chase led to severe damage to some centuries old infrastructure, several police cars, an equestrian statue of tzar Nikolai II and a few pedestrians of little importance. The driver of the tank is described as a dark-haired man dressed in a suit. It is highly likely the incident was alcohol related.
The head of the Committee for External Relations of the Saint Petersburg Mayor's Office, a mister Vladimir Putin, informs this paper that all the people responsible have been arrested, convicted and executed after a fair trial. "The situation is completely under my control." assures mr. Putin.
The tank was later found destroyed, but we can't disclose where and on what type of public transportation infrastructure.