'Call me James... It's five days to Alaska'
Napoleon Plural
LondonPosts: 10,484MI6 Agent
Day 1:
'Can't you manage anything other than missionary position?'
'Well, I took a heck of a tumble on the piste, my back's out. Anyway, it's not like there's a table I can stand you up against.'
'What about the wall?'
'No, I came across a prototype of this sub in Q's laboratory, it's a lot flimsier than you'd think. One arm would go right through it... I don't suppose you have any paracetamol?'
Day 2
'Must you sh!t in a bucket while I'm eating my meal.'
'You are sensitive Mister Bond.'
'About certain things, yes.'
Later:
'Okay, so you don't want to go outside, it's a bit nippy, I get that. Only now you've blocked the flush, and this place is going to stink until we get into port. God almighty, it's three days to Alaska!'
Day 3
No words. Just the sound of 80s techno music on the speaker as Miss Kimberly Jones cavorts around, stone faced and with the body language of impertinence. The camera pans across to our aged hero, face hardened with anger and resentment. Suddenly he reaches across and turns the dial to Radio 4. 'And now we go over to Lords for the latest scores...'
Day 4
'For God's sake! Can't you cut your toenails some other time? And I don't want to see your wrinkly bottom!'
Day 5
'Meeetting yewwwwwwwwwwww... with a phew to a ... kkk killl!' A paralytic and newly menacing Bond is finishing the last of the bottle of vodka. He is also starting to resemble Daniel Craig...
After pts:
M's office.
'So you say you dropped off Miss Kimberly Jones at Alaska, but we seem to have no record of her since...'
'Can't you manage anything other than missionary position?'
'Well, I took a heck of a tumble on the piste, my back's out. Anyway, it's not like there's a table I can stand you up against.'
'What about the wall?'
'No, I came across a prototype of this sub in Q's laboratory, it's a lot flimsier than you'd think. One arm would go right through it... I don't suppose you have any paracetamol?'
Day 2
'Must you sh!t in a bucket while I'm eating my meal.'
'You are sensitive Mister Bond.'
'About certain things, yes.'
Later:
'Okay, so you don't want to go outside, it's a bit nippy, I get that. Only now you've blocked the flush, and this place is going to stink until we get into port. God almighty, it's three days to Alaska!'
Day 3
No words. Just the sound of 80s techno music on the speaker as Miss Kimberly Jones cavorts around, stone faced and with the body language of impertinence. The camera pans across to our aged hero, face hardened with anger and resentment. Suddenly he reaches across and turns the dial to Radio 4. 'And now we go over to Lords for the latest scores...'
Day 4
'For God's sake! Can't you cut your toenails some other time? And I don't want to see your wrinkly bottom!'
Day 5
'Meeetting yewwwwwwwwwwww... with a phew to a ... kkk killl!' A paralytic and newly menacing Bond is finishing the last of the bottle of vodka. He is also starting to resemble Daniel Craig...
After pts:
M's office.
'So you say you dropped off Miss Kimberly Jones at Alaska, but we seem to have no record of her since...'
"This is where we leave you Mr Bond."
Roger Moore 1927-2017
Roger Moore 1927-2017
Comments
day by day, post by post, we are slowly filling in the missing pieces in James Bond's career.
Though I do not believe the vodka could possibly have lasted that long. Multiplying the daily consumption rate Fleming claims in Thunderball times five days, they could not have possibly had room for themselves in that little sub after stocking all the bottles Bond would have required.
(I believe Bond has his first slug of beverage the very second his mental alarm goes off, reaching for the closest unfinished bottle on his bedside table by pure blind reflex, in preparation for the inevitable skullsplitting shock of opening his eyes)
He must have made one or two odd desicions....
-{
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXixbmHSpE8
We can get around to that.... Shakespeare style!
Realistically, though Bond woulda passed out 5 minutes after the camera cuts.