The Beswick household. The beauteous Martine is pacing back and forward, never getting too far away from the telephone. Her worried husband looks on.
Husband: Oh sit down, Martine, why don’t you?
Martine: Sit down? I can’t sit down!
Husband: Sit down here and I’ll make you a nice cup of Blue Mountain coffee, the most delicious in the world.
Martine: A cup of Blue Mountain coffee, the most delicious in the world? I can’t think of a nice cup of Blue Mountain coffee, the most delicious in the world, at a time like this!
Husband: A time like what? Nothing is happening!
Martine: That’s just it- nothing is happening! That phone should be ringing!
Husband: Why? Who should be calling?
Martine: The James Bond people, of course! Cubby Broccoli, probably.
Husband: And why should he be calling you? You’ve already been in two James Bond films.
Martine: Exactly. Look, I was in the second Bond film, “From Russia With Love”.
Husband: Yes, you were.
Martine: Then I was in the fourth one, “Thunderball”.
Husband: Of course, you were in that one as well.
Martine: So now they’re making the sixth one, “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”. Don’t you see? Number 2, Number 4, Number 6. They have to call me!
Husband: Well, I’m not sure they’d see it that way.
Martine: There are twelve beautiful girls on top of a mountain in Switzerland. Some don’t even have names! They’re just called Scandinavian Girl, Indian Girl, and so forth. I am absolutely the only choice for Jamaican Girl!
Husband: Hmmm, I’m not sure about that.
Martine: No? Well, my part in “Thunderball” was bigger than my part in “From Russia With Love”- I had more scenes and I got dialogue which was NOT dubbed by Nikki van der whatever she’s called like certain other actresses I could mention were.
Husband: Well, that’s true.
Martine: So I figure there’s a good chance I might get an even bigger part this time- Tracy!
Husband: Tracy?
Martine: The one he marries, of course! That’s why I’m pacing up and down just waiting for this phone to-
(The telephone abruptly rings. They stare at each other for a moment before Martine lithely leaps over the sofa and grabs it.)
Martine: Hello? … Oh, hello there again …. Yes, I’m fine … You’d like me to … Another one of your movies? Well, I don’t know ….
(Her husband stares in surprise.)
Martine: Well, I suppose so … yes, I’ll be there on Monday morning … Bye now. (She hangs up.)
Husband: Well? Was it Cubby Broccoli? Are you going to play Jamaican Girl, or even Tracy?????
Martine: No, it was Hammer films. I’ve to do another prehistoric women film.
Husband: Just make sure they spell your name correctly!
Edit - You wanted more of Martine, CHB, so I hope you like the above especially the coffee reference which is my way of showing you how much I'm enjoying the comic strip thread.
1962 .Dr No’s dining room. He and James Bond have finished eating.
Dr No: I was curious to see what kind of a man you were. I thought there might be a place for you with SPECTRE.
Bond: I'm flattered. I'd prefer the revenge department. Of course, my first job would be finding the man who killed Strangways and Quarrel.
Dr No: Unfortunately I misjudged you. You are just a stupid policeman whose luck has run out.
(Dr No makes to get up.)
Bond: Well, maybe I spoke too soon. Maybe I would like to.
Dr No: (Sitting down again.) Like to?Like to what, Mr Bond?
Bond: To join with you in … what was it called again? …. Sphincter?
Dr No: Spectre. The Special Executive for Counter-Intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge-
Bond: - and Extortion, yes, I remember now. Sounds like exactly my kind of thing.
Dr No: And why is that?
Bond: Well, for one thing, did you see the car I’ve been given?
Dr No: Yes, what is wrong with it?
Bond: I’m sure your organization can give me something more suitable.
Dr No: Such as?
Bond: Oh, I don’t know.
Just something more suitable.
Dr No: Well, if that’s all then-
Bond: And clothes!
Dr No: You said “clothes”?
Bond: Yes, I mean, I have certain tastes. My current employers seem to think I need a very small clothing allowance
but I believe you would upgrade that.
Dr No: I am pleased that fate has brought you my way. You shall be sent at once to Spectre Island.
Bond: Spectre Island, eh? And where is that?
Dr No: It’s just outside… but you don’t need to know that at the moment. Now, I have work to do so the guards will take you back to your quarters where you can wait for me and drink some tea or coffee.
(Dr No gets up and heads for the door.)
Bond: And what about Honey?
Dr No: Of course- honey, milk, sugar, whatever you wish.
Bond: No, Honey Rider- the girl I came in with.
(But Dr No has departed. Two armed guards indicate that Bond should leave also.)
1981. Eon HQ, disguised as a 17th Century chateau transported from France stone by stone. Cubby Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson are interviewing potential directors.
Cubby: (On intercom.) Ask the next one to come in, please.
Secretary: (On intercom.) Of course, Mr Broccoli.
Cubby: What do we know about this one, Michael?
MGW: Well, he’s made a number of comedy movies and apparently they’re quite funny. His name is-
(The door opens and a short curly-haired man enters.)
Man: I’m Mel Brooks, gentlemen.
Cubby: Good afternoon, Mr-
Mel: Well at least I assume you are gentlemen, gentlemen. I hope for the best, though I expect the worst- life is a play, and we’re unrehearsed.
MGW: Yes, of course, now-
Mel: You just gotta be smart, or as smart as you can about being stupid, that’s what I say, anyway.
Cubby: (Quickly getting a word in while Mel pauses for breath.) Anyway, Mr Brooks, we’ve had a look at your screenplay.
Mel: Good, everything starts with writing.
MGW: And I have to say we found a lot of it to be rather rude and possibly politically incorrect.
Mel: Really? Even the fart jokes?
Cubby: Especially the fart jokes.
Mel: Look, in real life people fart so why not the movies? Farts are a repressed minority. The mouth gets to say a lotta things but the other bit is supposed to keep quiet.
MGW: We cannot have Bond and M farting in between their lines.
Mel: Farts are human, maybe we should listen to them.
Cubby: But it’s in bad taste.
Mel: There’s not enough bad taste! I live for bad taste! I’m the spokesman for bad taste!
MGW: Yes, well, on that subject we simply can not have a musical number featuring twelve tap-dancing Hitlers halfway through the film.
Mel: Look, how about three?
Cubby: No!
Mel: It works, mate, the fat one balances out the two skinny ones! *
MGW: We said no!
Mel: One then, and he’ll just sing, not tap-dance.
MGW: Absolutely not. And you cannot have the film in black & white, either.
Mel: But –
Cubby: And under no circumstances can you have Gene Wilder as James Bond!
Mel: Aw…..
That one's for you, Sir Miles!
Sir MilesThe Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,382Chief of Staff
Thank you 🤣🤣
Love Mel Brooks….maybe he’d have more luck with a young Fronkensteen and his creation recreating the dance from NSNA ?
You did get smart with that one 🍸🤣
Unless it’s for me because of the farting…??? 👀🫣😳🤣
Monday- My morning reading of the cards told me that I would be running out of milk tomorrow, so I decided to do some shopping. I asked Tee Hee if he would like to give me a hand and he gave me a look and asked if I was trying to be funny.
Tuesday- Dr Kananga wanted me to sit with him while he interviewed a girl called Rosie Carver, who seemed to be quite nervous. He asked me if I could be sure of her loyalty so I looked in her hands before assuring him that she would be loyal. I noticed that her lifeline appeared to be very short but didn’t tell her, she was nervous enough already.
Wednesday- A boring day. I put on the television and watched some guy called Uri Geller bending spoons and starting stopped clocks. He was quite amusing until he started to predict the future when he became so funny that I couldn’t stop laughing. I laughed so hard that Mr Big came in to ask if I was all right.
Thursday- We travelled to New York today. Always one of the guards were with me in case I tried to get away. I reckon I could outrun Whisper but Tee Hee scares me.
Friday- It doesn’t look as if I will ever be out of this horrible situation I am in with Mr Big or Dr Kananga, or whatever he wants to call himself today. I did a card reading on myself and was pleasantly surprised to find that I shall be rescued very soon. What they couldn’t tell me was who would be rescuing me; it might be an angel, they seemed to suggest, or perhaps a saint.
Sir MilesThe Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,382Chief of Staff
2024 (we should be so lucky). Eon HQ, hidden underneath a bullring in Portugal. BB is reclining on a chaise-longue, while MGW is falling asleep on a rocking chair.
BB: Michael?
MGW: (Still asleep.) Hmph… one every year or two, Cubby? Of course …
BB: (Louder.) Michael!
MGW: ...zzz…no, of course I won’t allow her to fu-
BB: Michael!!!!
MGW: (Waking up.) What? Oh, sorry, Barbara, must have dropped off for a moment there. It’s just so boring here, not doing anything.
BB: Well, I may have a solution to that. I’ve been thinking.
MGW:: Oh?
BB: Yes I have, and take that surprised look off your face. Now, you remember way back when Dad and Harry made “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” they were very disappointed with the box-office take?
MGW: Yes, I know. They only made enough money to buy 2000 Rolls-Royces, rather than 20,000. Each.
BB: So United Artists insisted that their next Bond film had to do better.
MGW: Yes, I remember. So they decided to model it on “Goldfinger”. Same director, same singer, and so on.
BB: That’s right. Well, we have to bring Bond back with a bang, after making people wait for so long, so we should do the same.
MGW: Make another “Goldfinger”?
BB: No, silly. Which of the films we have made has been the most successful?
MGW: “Skyfall”, of course.
BB: Exactly. We should plan our next Bond film around “Skyfall”. We’ll bring Adele back to sing the title song.
MGW: Ah, I see. We’ll get Sam Mendes to direct again.
BB: We’ll set it in similar locations.
MGW: We’ll bring Javier Bardem back to play the twin brother of Silva!
BB: Yes, and remember Dad and Harry had to bring back Sean Connery no matter how much it cost.
MGW: And it cost them a lot, too.
BB: So, I was thinking…
MGW: Huh? Oh no, Barbara, no you don’t!
BB: You don’t know what I was going to say!
MGW: I don’t? Nice try- now I’m going back to sleep.
Sir MilesThe Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,382Chief of Staff
Just when you think that @Barbel has mined every possible avenue in his series of imaginary conversations he then comes up with this superbly ingenious look at a character that is summarily dismissed as an extra in the movie. I’m looking forward to more behind-the-scenes-of-minor-characters 😁😂🤣👏
Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
Charlie: It’s Charlie Higson. We met once, a while ago.
Steve: Oh yes, Charlie, I remember. How are you?
Charlie: Fine, fine. Listen, I’ve been asked to call you by IFP.
Steve: Who?
Charlie: IFP- Ian Fleming Publications.
Steve: I thought they were called Glidrose.
Charlie: No, they changed that. Anyway, they would like to know if you fancy writing some James Bond books.
Steve: You’re winding me up.
Charlie: No, seriously.
Steve: Really James Bond? Not a book about some other agents vaguely connected to him?
Charlie: No, really about him.
Steve: And not from the point of view of one of the supporting characters?
Charlie: Not from the point of view of one of the supporting characters. The actual James Bond.
Steve: You mean
And
And
Charlie: Ah, no, I’m afraid not. No Aston Martin, no vodka martini shaken not stirred, no Walther PPK.
Steve: What??? Well, at least there’ll certainly be lots of beautiful ladies who Bond will happily-
Charlie: No, none of those and none of that. You can have female characters, of course, but he doesn’t … you know ….
Steve: Not even Miss Moneypenny?
Charlie: No, not even Miss Moneypenny. In fact, she isn’t there.
Steve: Charlie, are you sure this is James Bond you’re asking me to write about?
Charlie: Oh yes, definitely. I’ve written half a dozen books about him already. The thing is, though, he’ll be a bit young for drinking martinis, driving fast cars or chasing even faster women. You see, this is Young Bond.
Steve: Young Bond?
Charlie: Yes, Bond’s adventures when he’s a boy- let’s say, eleven.
Steve: So, sometime around the 1970s or 1980s then?
Charlie: No, more like the 1930s, to tie in with Fleming’s timescale.
Steve: But that doesn’t make much sense.
Charlie: Don’t try to make sense of it, you'll go insane. Just write about James Bond at eleven or twelve or so.
Steve: Wouldn’t he be at school, then?
Charlie: Oh yes, a big old-fashioned school. Housemasters and all that.
Steve: Let me guess, is there also some sort of school bully type?
Charlie: Well…
Steve: You realise what this is, don’t you? It’s Harry Potter without the hocus pocus stuff!
Charlie: Ssssh! We’re hoping nobody spots that!
Sir MilesThe Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,382Chief of Staff
Thanks, guys. CHB, the Young Bond books are pretty good especially the earlier ones by Higson. The adult ones are definitely a mixed bag but I recommend you give Horowitz a try.
Comments
1969
The Beswick household. The beauteous Martine is pacing back and forward, never getting too far away from the telephone. Her worried husband looks on.
Husband: Oh sit down, Martine, why don’t you?
Martine: Sit down? I can’t sit down!
Husband: Sit down here and I’ll make you a nice cup of Blue Mountain coffee, the most delicious in the world.
Martine: A cup of Blue Mountain coffee, the most delicious in the world? I can’t think of a nice cup of Blue Mountain coffee, the most delicious in the world, at a time like this!
Husband: A time like what? Nothing is happening!
Martine: That’s just it- nothing is happening! That phone should be ringing!
Husband: Why? Who should be calling?
Martine: The James Bond people, of course! Cubby Broccoli, probably.
Husband: And why should he be calling you? You’ve already been in two James Bond films.
Martine: Exactly. Look, I was in the second Bond film, “From Russia With Love”.
Husband: Yes, you were.
Martine: Then I was in the fourth one, “Thunderball”.
Husband: Of course, you were in that one as well.
Martine: So now they’re making the sixth one, “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”. Don’t you see? Number 2, Number 4, Number 6. They have to call me!
Husband: Well, I’m not sure they’d see it that way.
Martine: There are twelve beautiful girls on top of a mountain in Switzerland. Some don’t even have names! They’re just called Scandinavian Girl, Indian Girl, and so forth. I am absolutely the only choice for Jamaican Girl!
Husband: Hmmm, I’m not sure about that.
Martine: No? Well, my part in “Thunderball” was bigger than my part in “From Russia With Love”- I had more scenes and I got dialogue which was NOT dubbed by Nikki van der whatever she’s called like certain other actresses I could mention were.
Husband: Well, that’s true.
Martine: So I figure there’s a good chance I might get an even bigger part this time- Tracy!
Husband: Tracy?
Martine: The one he marries, of course! That’s why I’m pacing up and down just waiting for this phone to-
(The telephone abruptly rings. They stare at each other for a moment before Martine lithely leaps over the sofa and grabs it.)
Martine: Hello? … Oh, hello there again …. Yes, I’m fine … You’d like me to … Another one of your movies? Well, I don’t know ….
(Her husband stares in surprise.)
Martine: Well, I suppose so … yes, I’ll be there on Monday morning … Bye now. (She hangs up.)
Husband: Well? Was it Cubby Broccoli? Are you going to play Jamaican Girl, or even Tracy?????
Martine: No, it was Hammer films. I’ve to do another prehistoric women film.
Husband: Just make sure they spell your name correctly!
Edit - You wanted more of Martine, CHB, so I hope you like the above especially the coffee reference which is my way of showing you how much I'm enjoying the comic strip thread.
Once again, it’s fabulous, Barbel, and the lovely Martine would have been great as an angel of death. I love the spelling reference, too 😂
Your continued praise of the comic strip thread is appreciated, Barbel.
I’m surprised Martin…errr…Martine wasn’t asked for OHMSS…and another excellent Imaginary Conversation 🤣🤣
Thanks, guys, much appreciated.
1962 .Dr No’s dining room. He and James Bond have finished eating.
Dr No: I was curious to see what kind of a man you were. I thought there might be a place for you with SPECTRE.
Bond: I'm flattered. I'd prefer the revenge department. Of course, my first job would be finding the man who killed Strangways and Quarrel.
Dr No: Unfortunately I misjudged you. You are just a stupid policeman whose luck has run out.
(Dr No makes to get up.)
Bond: Well, maybe I spoke too soon. Maybe I would like to.
Dr No: (Sitting down again.) Like to? Like to what, Mr Bond?
Bond: To join with you in … what was it called again? …. Sphincter?
Dr No: Spectre. The Special Executive for Counter-Intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge-
Bond: - and Extortion, yes, I remember now. Sounds like exactly my kind of thing.
Dr No: And why is that?
Bond: Well, for one thing, did you see the car I’ve been given?
Dr No: Yes, what is wrong with it?
Bond: I’m sure your organization can give me something more suitable.
Dr No: Such as?
Bond: Oh, I don’t know.
Just something more suitable.
Dr No: Well, if that’s all then-
Bond: And clothes!
Dr No: You said “clothes”?
Bond: Yes, I mean, I have certain tastes. My current employers seem to think I need a very small clothing allowance
but I believe you would upgrade that.
Dr No: I am pleased that fate has brought you my way. You shall be sent at once to Spectre Island.
Bond: Spectre Island, eh? And where is that?
Dr No: It’s just outside… but you don’t need to know that at the moment. Now, I have work to do so the guards will take you back to your quarters where you can wait for me and drink some tea or coffee.
(Dr No gets up and heads for the door.)
Bond: And what about Honey?
Dr No: Of course- honey, milk, sugar, whatever you wish.
Bond: No, Honey Rider- the girl I came in with.
(But Dr No has departed. Two armed guards indicate that Bond should leave also.)
I am getting a Ray Milland vibe myself....
Yes, a young Milland might have been a good choice. Here's a picture of him with a comma of black hair falling down above his right eye.
Though I still don't see him in the book cover photo.
The first ‘Bond goes rogue’ adventure 🤣🤣
Bond: And what about Honey?
Dr No: Of course- honey, milk, sugar, whatever you wish.
😁👏
Thanks, gents. I thought that one rather below par, myself, and hope the next one will be better.
1981. Eon HQ, disguised as a 17th Century chateau transported from France stone by stone. Cubby Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson are interviewing potential directors.
Cubby: (On intercom.) Ask the next one to come in, please.
Secretary: (On intercom.) Of course, Mr Broccoli.
Cubby: What do we know about this one, Michael?
MGW: Well, he’s made a number of comedy movies and apparently they’re quite funny. His name is-
(The door opens and a short curly-haired man enters.)
Man: I’m Mel Brooks, gentlemen.
Cubby: Good afternoon, Mr-
Mel: Well at least I assume you are gentlemen, gentlemen. I hope for the best, though I expect the worst- life is a play, and we’re unrehearsed.
MGW: Yes, of course, now-
Mel: You just gotta be smart, or as smart as you can about being stupid, that’s what I say, anyway.
Cubby: (Quickly getting a word in while Mel pauses for breath.) Anyway, Mr Brooks, we’ve had a look at your screenplay.
Mel: Good, everything starts with writing.
MGW: And I have to say we found a lot of it to be rather rude and possibly politically incorrect.
Mel: Really? Even the fart jokes?
Cubby: Especially the fart jokes.
Mel: Look, in real life people fart so why not the movies? Farts are a repressed minority. The mouth gets to say a lotta things but the other bit is supposed to keep quiet.
MGW: We cannot have Bond and M farting in between their lines.
Mel: Farts are human, maybe we should listen to them.
Cubby: But it’s in bad taste.
Mel: There’s not enough bad taste! I live for bad taste! I’m the spokesman for bad taste!
MGW: Yes, well, on that subject we simply can not have a musical number featuring twelve tap-dancing Hitlers halfway through the film.
Mel: Look, how about three?
Cubby: No!
Mel: It works, mate, the fat one balances out the two skinny ones! *
MGW: We said no!
Mel: One then, and he’ll just sing, not tap-dance.
MGW: Absolutely not. And you cannot have the film in black & white, either.
Mel: But –
Cubby: And under no circumstances can you have Gene Wilder as James Bond!
Mel: Aw…..
Thank you 🤣🤣
Love Mel Brooks….maybe he’d have more luck with a young Fronkensteen and his creation recreating the dance from NSNA ?
You did get smart with that one 🍸🤣
Unless it’s for me because of the farting…??? 👀🫣😳🤣
thats a pretty good Mel Brooks impersonation, much the way he really talks
Thanks, caractacus. I took some of it from quotes 😁
Ah, note the line with a * at the end. Then watch
Why Michelangelo Didn't Paint the Last Supper (youtube.com)
Yes indeed 🤣 brilliant
1972
The Diary Of Solitaire
Monday- My morning reading of the cards told me that I would be running out of milk tomorrow, so I decided to do some shopping. I asked Tee Hee if he would like to give me a hand and he gave me a look and asked if I was trying to be funny.
Tuesday- Dr Kananga wanted me to sit with him while he interviewed a girl called Rosie Carver, who seemed to be quite nervous. He asked me if I could be sure of her loyalty so I looked in her hands before assuring him that she would be loyal. I noticed that her lifeline appeared to be very short but didn’t tell her, she was nervous enough already.
Wednesday- A boring day. I put on the television and watched some guy called Uri Geller bending spoons and starting stopped clocks. He was quite amusing until he started to predict the future when he became so funny that I couldn’t stop laughing. I laughed so hard that Mr Big came in to ask if I was all right.
Thursday- We travelled to New York today. Always one of the guards were with me in case I tried to get away. I reckon I could outrun Whisper but Tee Hee scares me.
Friday- It doesn’t look as if I will ever be out of this horrible situation I am in with Mr Big or Dr Kananga, or whatever he wants to call himself today. I did a card reading on myself and was pleasantly surprised to find that I shall be rescued very soon. What they couldn’t tell me was who would be rescuing me; it might be an angel, they seemed to suggest, or perhaps a saint.
That’s another cracker 👏🏻 🤣
And mixing in from other threads too -😁
Divine!
I like these diaries that you keep finding 😁😂🤣👏
Thanks, guys. 😊
2024 (we should be so lucky). Eon HQ, hidden underneath a bullring in Portugal. BB is reclining on a chaise-longue, while MGW is falling asleep on a rocking chair.
BB: Michael?
MGW: (Still asleep.) Hmph… one every year or two, Cubby? Of course …
BB: (Louder.) Michael!
MGW: ...zzz…no, of course I won’t allow her to fu-
BB: Michael!!!!
MGW: (Waking up.) What? Oh, sorry, Barbara, must have dropped off for a moment there. It’s just so boring here, not doing anything.
BB: Well, I may have a solution to that. I’ve been thinking.
MGW:: Oh?
BB: Yes I have, and take that surprised look off your face. Now, you remember way back when Dad and Harry made “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” they were very disappointed with the box-office take?
MGW: Yes, I know. They only made enough money to buy 2000 Rolls-Royces, rather than 20,000. Each.
BB: So United Artists insisted that their next Bond film had to do better.
MGW: Yes, I remember. So they decided to model it on “Goldfinger”. Same director, same singer, and so on.
BB: That’s right. Well, we have to bring Bond back with a bang, after making people wait for so long, so we should do the same.
MGW: Make another “Goldfinger”?
BB: No, silly. Which of the films we have made has been the most successful?
MGW: “Skyfall”, of course.
BB: Exactly. We should plan our next Bond film around “Skyfall”. We’ll bring Adele back to sing the title song.
MGW: Ah, I see. We’ll get Sam Mendes to direct again.
BB: We’ll set it in similar locations.
MGW: We’ll bring Javier Bardem back to play the twin brother of Silva!
BB: Yes, and remember Dad and Harry had to bring back Sean Connery no matter how much it cost.
MGW: And it cost them a lot, too.
BB: So, I was thinking…
MGW: Huh? Oh no, Barbara, no you don’t!
BB: You don’t know what I was going to say!
MGW: I don’t? Nice try- now I’m going back to sleep.
🤣👏🏻
@Barbel Please, please, please tell me that you’ve actually made this one up and it’s not been heard on one of your listening devices 😂🤣
Make this up? Me? 😇
1963. A minor S.P.E.C.T.R.E. agent comes home.
Agent: Hi honey, I’m home.
Mrs Agent: Darling!
(Kiss, kiss.)
Mrs Agent: How was your day?
Agent: Oh, it was busy, busy. Always something going on at S.P.E.C.T.R.E. Island, you know.
Mrs Agent: What sort of things were you doing?
Agent: Well, jumping over flame throwers, ducking shots from machine guns, you know- just the usual.
Mrs Agent: Was that nice Mr Morzeny there?
Agent: Oh yes, of course.
Mrs Agent: How was he?
Agent: I believe he’s expecting a special guest tomorrow.
Mrs Agent: Who would that be?
Agent: I don’t know, he didn’t say.
Mrs Agent: Did you run into that strange man again?
Agent: The blond one? Yes, I said hello but he just looked right past me without a word.
Mrs Agent: That isn’t very friendly.
Agent: I know, especially when we have to do an exercise together tonight.
Mrs Agent: Tonight? You mean you’re going back there tonight?
Agent: It’s overtime, my love, we need the money.
Mrs Agent: I suppose so. Did they say what you’re to do?
Agent: No, but they measured my face before I came home.
Mrs Agent: Measured your face? That’s strange, why would they do that?
Agent: I don’t know, I suppose it’s for some kind of helmet or maybe a mask.
Mrs Agent: I don’t understand.
Agent: Well, there’s a bonus- they measured me for a tuxedo.
Mrs Agent: You’re kidding!
Agent: No, the full black tie. And guess what?
Mrs Agent: No, I can’t guess- what?
Agent: Since it’s made to measure I get to keep it!
Mrs Agent: That’s very nice of them.
Agent: Well, Mr Morzeny said that after tonight they wouldn’t have any further use for it.
Now that’s clever 👏🏻🤣
Just when you think that @Barbel has mined every possible avenue in his series of imaginary conversations he then comes up with this superbly ingenious look at a character that is summarily dismissed as an extra in the movie. I’m looking forward to more behind-the-scenes-of-minor-characters 😁😂🤣👏
Many thanks, gentlemen.
2013. Author Steve Cole receives a phone call.
Steve: Hello?
Charlie: Hello, Steve?
Steve: Yes, this is Steve. Who’s this?
Charlie: It’s Charlie Higson. We met once, a while ago.
Steve: Oh yes, Charlie, I remember. How are you?
Charlie: Fine, fine. Listen, I’ve been asked to call you by IFP.
Steve: Who?
Charlie: IFP- Ian Fleming Publications.
Steve: I thought they were called Glidrose.
Charlie: No, they changed that. Anyway, they would like to know if you fancy writing some James Bond books.
Steve: You’re winding me up.
Charlie: No, seriously.
Steve: Really James Bond? Not a book about some other agents vaguely connected to him?
Charlie: No, really about him.
Steve: And not from the point of view of one of the supporting characters?
Charlie: Not from the point of view of one of the supporting characters. The actual James Bond.
Steve: You mean
And
And
Charlie: Ah, no, I’m afraid not. No Aston Martin, no vodka martini shaken not stirred, no Walther PPK.
Steve: What??? Well, at least there’ll certainly be lots of beautiful ladies who Bond will happily-
Charlie: No, none of those and none of that. You can have female characters, of course, but he doesn’t … you know ….
Steve: Not even Miss Moneypenny?
Charlie: No, not even Miss Moneypenny. In fact, she isn’t there.
Steve: Charlie, are you sure this is James Bond you’re asking me to write about?
Charlie: Oh yes, definitely. I’ve written half a dozen books about him already. The thing is, though, he’ll be a bit young for drinking martinis, driving fast cars or chasing even faster women. You see, this is Young Bond.
Steve: Young Bond?
Charlie: Yes, Bond’s adventures when he’s a boy- let’s say, eleven.
Steve: So, sometime around the 1970s or 1980s then?
Charlie: No, more like the 1930s, to tie in with Fleming’s timescale.
Steve: But that doesn’t make much sense.
Charlie: Don’t try to make sense of it, you'll go insane. Just write about James Bond at eleven or twelve or so.
Steve: Wouldn’t he be at school, then?
Charlie: Oh yes, a big old-fashioned school. Housemasters and all that.
Steve: Let me guess, is there also some sort of school bully type?
Charlie: Well…
Steve: You realise what this is, don’t you? It’s Harry Potter without the hocus pocus stuff!
Charlie: Ssssh! We’re hoping nobody spots that!
Very true 🤣🤣
I haven’t read a continuation novel since the bad old days of Benson, but this looks spot on to me 😂
Thanks, guys. CHB, the Young Bond books are pretty good especially the earlier ones by Higson. The adult ones are definitely a mixed bag but I recommend you give Horowitz a try.