Thank you, Shady. I liked the post you linked to, and the one by Sir Miles, so ....
By Shady Tree, Sir Miles, and Barbel
1979.
DRAX ENTERPRISES SITUATIONS VACANT
RIGHT HAND HENCHMAN/BODYGUARD
Ability to speak not essential. Must be prepared to travel.
SPACE SHUTTLE LAUNCH CREW
Good rate of pay, overalls provided, must be prepared to travel. Generous holiday time. No pension.
HELICOPTER PILOT
While having learned to read will be considered an advantage, this will not be essential where applicants display other desirable assets. Applicants are advised to read (if they can) the terms and conditions in our termination of employment clause.
LABORATORY STAFF
Preferably non-clumsy and with no annoying next-of-kin.
REDECORATING CREW
Must be able to work at speed at short notice.
Applicants for all roles other those relocating to our city in space site are required to sign an NDA (necklace of death acceptance agreement) removing any liability from the Drax Corporation in the event of plague-related fatality. Applicants for city in space roles are advised to read our person specification and procreation terms and conditions.
Applications from former employees of Stromberg Shipping or SPECTRE are strongly encouraged.
The Drax Corporation is, um, an equal opportunities employer.
Sir MilesThe Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,382Chief of Staff
That’s FAR better than the little throwaway thing I did 🤣
Helicopter pilot and applicants to the city in space need to be supermodel level attractive. Literacy not required. Work attire will be provided, but under a limited budget. Must be ready for one long journey, one way.
A fritatta doesn't have a crust, which a quiche does. A Spanish omelette is made with potatoes, spinach and eggs and is finished in a deep pan in the oven and may look like a crustless quiche. Basically, no omelette has a pastry base. I have always thought Maibaum & Wilson should have had Bond cook the scrambled egg recipe from 007 In New York as written by Fkeming.
Tom Cruise is meeting with the writers of the next “Mission Impossible” film.
Tom: Okay, gentlemen, we start shooting soon and we have still to figure out a new ridiculous way for me to risk my neck in some crazy stunt.
Writer 1: How about jumping out of a plane without a parachute?
Tom: Na, James Bond has already done that- twice!
Writer 2: Ski off the side of a mountain?
Tom: James Bond has done that, too.
Writer 3: Jumping a car off a bridge and doing a 360 degree spiral?
Tom: Wake up, guys! James Bond did that 50 years ago!
We have to figure out some really dangerous thing for me to do that James Bond has never done.
Writer 1: Well….
Tom: Come on man, out with it!
Writer 1: It’s definitely a really ridiculous way for you to risk your neck in some crazy situation.
Tom: Yes?
Writer 1: And that is what you asked for, isn’t it?
Tom: Of course it is!
Writer 1: Well, this has been done before, though not by James Bond.
Tom: Look, is it really dangerous?
Writer 1: Oh, yes.
Tom: And is it a totally foolhardy thing to do?
Writer 1: Very.
Tom: Then I don’t care if it has been done before. My entire reputation rests on me being brave enough to take incredibly stupid risks that nobody else would take.
Writer 1: Okay then. Now this was done once before.
Tom: I don’t care, we’ll find a way to make it more dangerous.
Writer 1: All right then. You remember in one of the “Die Hard” movies Bruce Willis had to stand in Harlem wearing nothing but a sandwich board around his neck saying “I Hate-
Tom: No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no-
Writer 2: Tom-
Tom: No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no-
Writer 3: Tom-
Tom: No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.
(Tom runs out of breath.)
Writer 1: So, jumping out of a plane without a parachute then?
Tom: Jumping out of a plane without a parachute it is.
Sir MilesThe Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,382Chief of Staff
Or he could try and explain Scientology 👀🤣
Another good one, Barbel 👏🏻
YNWA 97
Sir MilesThe Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,382Chief of Staff
Executive: (Expensive suit, big cigar.) It’s great to have you sign to our label, John.
John: Yes, I’m looking forward to recording some new pieces I’ve written and-
Executive: Hold on one moment there, John boy, we want you to make new versions of your old stuff on our label.
John: You do?
Executive: Sure we do. We want to put titles such as “Goldfinger” and “Thunderball” on the front cover of the compilation albums we will most definitely be doing to attract casual customers.
John: Oh, all right then.
Executive: And maybe then you can record your new material.
Executive: (Expensive suit, big cigar.) It’s great to have you sign to our label, John.
John: Yes, I’m looking forward to recording some new pieces I’ve written and-
Executive: Hold on one moment there, John boy, we want you to make new versions of your old stuff on our label.
John: You do?
Executive: Sure we do. We want to put titles such as “Goldfinger” and “Thunderball” on the front cover of the compilation albums we will most definitely be doing to attract casual customers.
John: Oh, all right then.
Executive: And maybe then you can record your new material.
Executive: (Expensive suit, big cigar.) It’s great to have you sign to our label, John.
John: Yes, I’m looking forward to recording some new pieces I’ve written and-
Executive: Hold on one moment there, John boy, we want you to make new versions of your old stuff on our label.
John: You do?
Executive: Sure we do. We want to put titles such as “Goldfinger” and “Thunderball” on the front cover of the compilation albums we will most definitely be doing to attract casual customers.
John: Oh, all right then.
Executive: And maybe then you can record your new material.
John: Hmph.
Executive: And don’t put them all into one long suite like you did with Polydor.
John: Wouldn’t dream of it.
Sir MilesThe Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,382Chief of Staff
More than a touch of truth there 👀 🤣
YNWA 97
Sir MilesThe Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,382Chief of Staff
Comments
2006. The household of Joe Don Baker. Joe is pacing up and down, never getting too far away from the telephone. His worried wife looks on concernedly.
Mrs Baker: Oh sit down, Joe, why don’t you?
Joe: Sit down? I can’t sit down!
Mrs Baker: Just try and relax.
Joe: Relax? I can’t relax!
Mrs Baker: Sit down and I’ll make you a nice cup of coffee.
Joe: I can’t drink coffee at a time like this!
Mrs Baker: What do you mean, “a time like this”? Nothing is happening.
Joe: That’s just it- nothing is happening! That phone should be ringing!
Mrs Baker: But-
Joe: Michael and Barbara should be calling me right now!
Mrs Baker: Oh, the James Bond people. Why should they be calling you? You’ve already been in three different James Bond films!
Joe: That’s true- once as a villain
And twice- TWICE, mark you!- as his friend, Jack Wade.
Mrs Baker: Well, I think you’ve done very well to be in that many- most people only get one and some do none at all
despite desperately wanting to.
Joe: Yeah, but I know that they’re making a film right now. “Casino Royale”, it’s called.
Mrs Baker: Didn’t they do that one already?
Joe: Long story, never mind. Anyway, I know enough about it to know that Bond will have a friend in the story.
Mrs Baker: Nobody could ever believe that you’re a Frenchman.
Joe: Not Mathis! The other one!
Mrs Baker: But that’s Felix. Felix Leiter.
Joe: It most certainly is.
Mrs Baker: And he’s been James Bond’s friend a lot more often than Jack Wade.
Joe: Ah, but Felix isn’t all there.
Mrs Baker: Huh?
Joe: Bits of him got chewed off by a shark four or five films ago.
That’s why they needed a different friend. That’s why Jack Wade was created. And I’m Jack Wade!
Mrs Baker: Yes, of course you are.
Joe: Wouldn’t it be great for me to walk up to the new Bond guy in the casino and say “Hi, Jimbo!”, slap him on the back, and talk about gardening?
Mrs Baker: Ah, er, of course.
Joe: I could park my car next to his Aston Martin!
Mrs Baker: So… you’re thinking they will replace Felix in “Casino Royale” with Jack?
Joe: That’s right.
Mrs Baker: Just go for a lie down, Joe. (Sighs heavily.) I’ll tell you if, er, I mean when they call.
I’d have loved for Jack to walk up to DC’s Bond and say “Hi, Jimbo”….he'd have probably broken his nose and three of his teeth when DC hit him 👀🤣
Inspired as usual, Barbel 🍸
Mrs Baker: Oh, the James Bond people. Why should they be calling you? You’ve already been in three different James Bond films!
And three too many 😂 JDB was never blessed with much act talent, unlike your magnificent sketches, which as always, are excellent, Barbel 😂🤣👏
Thank you very much, guys.
THE DIARY OF STACEY SUTTON
MONDAY Help! Oh James, help me! James!
TUESDAY Oh James, help me! James!
WEDNESDAY Oh James, help me!
THURSDAY Oh James, help!
FRIDAY Oh James….
I wonder how much ‘help’ Roger needed in that last picture? 🤭🤣
This thread is a continuous source of great entertainment!
---
Drax Corporation vacancies. Apply here: https://www.ajb007.co.uk/discussion/comment/1074210#Comment_1074210
Thank you, Shady. I liked the post you linked to, and the one by Sir Miles, so ....
By Shady Tree, Sir Miles, and Barbel
1979.
DRAX ENTERPRISES SITUATIONS VACANT
RIGHT HAND HENCHMAN/BODYGUARD
Ability to speak not essential. Must be prepared to travel.
SPACE SHUTTLE LAUNCH CREW
Good rate of pay, overalls provided, must be prepared to travel. Generous holiday time. No pension.
HELICOPTER PILOT
While having learned to read will be considered an advantage, this will not be essential where applicants display other desirable assets. Applicants are advised to read (if they can) the terms and conditions in our termination of employment clause.
LABORATORY STAFF
Preferably non-clumsy and with no annoying next-of-kin.
REDECORATING CREW
Must be able to work at speed at short notice.
Applicants for all roles other those relocating to our city in space site are required to sign an NDA (necklace of death acceptance agreement) removing any liability from the Drax Corporation in the event of plague-related fatality. Applicants for city in space roles are advised to read our person specification and procreation terms and conditions.
Applications from former employees of Stromberg Shipping or SPECTRE are strongly encouraged.
The Drax Corporation is, um, an equal opportunities employer.
That’s FAR better than the little throwaway thing I did 🤣
Well, you started that off then Shady ran with it, and I finished it all off.
You forgot a very important requirement:
Helicopter pilot and applicants to the city in space need to be supermodel level attractive. Literacy not required. Work attire will be provided, but under a limited budget. Must be ready for one long journey, one way.
😄 Quite right, that should have been mentioned.
I like the situations vacant sketch 😁😂👏
Thank you! 😊
1985. San Francisco. Stacey Sutton’s place. James Bond has been cooking (!).
James: Quiche de cabinet.
Stacey: Sounds interesting, what is it?
James: An omelette.
Stacey: An omelette? That’s no omelette.
James: Like I said, it’s a quiche. It’s delicious, see?
Stacey: So why did you say it’s an omelette?
James: Well, I-
Stacey: An omelette you cook on top of the stove, this thing you cooked in the oven.
James: Yes, I know.
Stacey: So is it a quiche then?
James: Well, yes. I used whatever you had in the cupboards so it’s a quiche de cabinet.
Stacey: And not an omelette.
James: We’ve been through all that.
Stacey: It just seems to me that you say whatever is convenient to you at the time.
James: But, Stacey-
Stacey: One moment you claim you’ve made a quiche, the next you say it’s an omelette. One moment you say your name is James St John Smith-
James: Smythe.
Stacey: (Ignoring that.) – and the next you say your name is James Stock. For all I know, your real name isn’t any of those two!
James: Ah. Well, I-
Stacey: Is it even James?
James: Yes, it is James. Definitely. I promise you.
Stacey: Look, I don’t know if I can trust you. You better get out of here.
James: But-
Stacey: Out.
(James swallows one more mouthful of his quiche as he gets up.)
James: Look, let’s just say it’s a flan and call it quits.
Stacey: Out!
(She shoves him through the door.)
James: All right, all right. My name is Bond, James Bo-
(But Stacey has closed the door with a resounding thud.)
”…let’s just say it’s a flan…” 🤣🤣
what I Iike is fritatta. and I'm not sure how thats different from a quiche either but its good
I figure this scene in aVtaK is the unofficial cinematic adaptation of the eggs recipe from 007 in New York, updated to the 80s
A fritatta doesn't have a crust, which a quiche does. A Spanish omelette is made with potatoes, spinach and eggs and is finished in a deep pan in the oven and may look like a crustless quiche. Basically, no omelette has a pastry base. I have always thought Maibaum & Wilson should have had Bond cook the scrambled egg recipe from 007 In New York as written by Fkeming.
It's 22.46 here and a long time till breakfast, but now I'm thinking of eggs and how to have them....
Well, it’s 07.28 here now so breakfast time it is. Boiled with soldiers or scrambled on toast? Decisions, decisions, decisions.
No breakfast yet, just coffee.
2024.
Tom Cruise is meeting with the writers of the next “Mission Impossible” film.
Tom: Okay, gentlemen, we start shooting soon and we have still to figure out a new ridiculous way for me to risk my neck in some crazy stunt.
Writer 1: How about jumping out of a plane without a parachute?
Tom: Na, James Bond has already done that- twice!
Writer 2: Ski off the side of a mountain?
Tom: James Bond has done that, too.
Writer 3: Jumping a car off a bridge and doing a 360 degree spiral?
Tom: Wake up, guys! James Bond did that 50 years ago!
We have to figure out some really dangerous thing for me to do that James Bond has never done.
Writer 1: Well….
Tom: Come on man, out with it!
Writer 1: It’s definitely a really ridiculous way for you to risk your neck in some crazy situation.
Tom: Yes?
Writer 1: And that is what you asked for, isn’t it?
Tom: Of course it is!
Writer 1: Well, this has been done before, though not by James Bond.
Tom: Look, is it really dangerous?
Writer 1: Oh, yes.
Tom: And is it a totally foolhardy thing to do?
Writer 1: Very.
Tom: Then I don’t care if it has been done before. My entire reputation rests on me being brave enough to take incredibly stupid risks that nobody else would take.
Writer 1: Okay then. Now this was done once before.
Tom: I don’t care, we’ll find a way to make it more dangerous.
Writer 1: All right then. You remember in one of the “Die Hard” movies Bruce Willis had to stand in Harlem wearing nothing but a sandwich board around his neck saying “I Hate-
Tom: No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no-
Writer 2: Tom-
Tom: No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no-
Writer 3: Tom-
Tom: No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.
(Tom runs out of breath.)
Writer 1: So, jumping out of a plane without a parachute then?
Tom: Jumping out of a plane without a parachute it is.
Or he could try and explain Scientology 👀🤣
Another good one, Barbel 👏🏻
Did someone mention eggs….?
I hadn't seen that! 😄
👍
Here's a stunt Tom Cruise will never dare: deliver the line "I hate Scientology - it's a fraud!" 😁
I remember those advertisements very well, Hancock was a genius, Patricia Hayes was a brilliant foil to many comedians.
1966. John Barry signs to Columbia Records
Executive: (Expensive suit, big cigar.) It’s great to have you sign to our label, John.
John: Yes, I’m looking forward to recording some new pieces I’ve written and-
Executive: Hold on one moment there, John boy, we want you to make new versions of your old stuff on our label.
John: You do?
Executive: Sure we do. We want to put titles such as “Goldfinger” and “Thunderball” on the front cover of the compilation albums we will most definitely be doing to attract casual customers.
John: Oh, all right then.
Executive: And maybe then you can record your new material.
John: Hmph.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
1972. John Barry signs to Polydor records
Executive: (Expensive suit, big cigar.) It’s great to have you sign to our label, John.
John: Yes, I’m looking forward to recording some new pieces I’ve written and-
Executive: Hold on one moment there, John boy, we want you to make new versions of your old stuff on our label.
John: You do?
Executive: Sure we do. We want to put titles such as “Goldfinger” and “Thunderball” on the front cover of the compilation albums we will most definitely be doing to attract casual customers.
John: Oh, all right then.
Executive: And maybe then you can record your new material.
John: Hmph.
---------------------------------------------------------
1992. John Barry signs to Epic records
Executive: (Expensive suit, big cigar.) It’s great to have you sign to our label, John.
John: Yes, I’m looking forward to recording some new pieces I’ve written and-
Executive: Hold on one moment there, John boy, we want you to make new versions of your old stuff on our label.
John: You do?
Executive: Sure we do. We want to put titles such as “Goldfinger” and “Thunderball” on the front cover of the compilation albums we will most definitely be doing to attract casual customers.
John: Oh, all right then.
Executive: And maybe then you can record your new material.
John: Hmph.
Executive: And don’t put them all into one long suite like you did with Polydor.
John: Wouldn’t dream of it.
More than a touch of truth there 👀 🤣
Hancock was brilliant…but he was his own worst enemy 😩 getting rid of Galton & Simpson was the ruin of him.
Patricia Hayes was often overlooked, but she had great comic timing 😁
I used to buy all the John Barry albums back in the day - I sold them all before moving here 🥲
Not so much imaginary conversation but another one taken from real life, I think 😁 Excellent stuff, once again!
Thank you very much. 😃