1969. The Batcave. Adam West is pacing up and down, never getting too far away from the Batphone. Burt Ward looks on concernedly.
Burt: Oh sit down, Adam, why don’t you?
Adam: Sit down? I can’t sit down!
Burt: Just try to relax and-
Adam: Relax? Ha!
Burt: Let me make you a nice cup of coffee and-
Adam: A nice cup of coffee? I can’t think about a nice cup of coffee at a time like this!
Burt: What do you mean, “a time like this”? Nothing is happening!
Adam: That’s just it, nothing is happening. That phone should be ringing by now.
Burt: Well, look, maybe they picked some other fellow.
Adam: The only other fellow who was there that day was some Australian who sold chocolate. I’m Batman!
Burt: Perhaps they don’t want an American to play James Bond.
Adam: They don’t want an American but they might want an Australian?
Burt: Holy miscasting, Bruce, er, Adam.
Adam: Exactly.
Burt: It might have been a mistake to insist that you got to pick which car to drive if you got the part.
Adam: What do you mean?
Burt: Well, I’m pretty sure that they would want James Bond to drive an Aston Martin, because they’re sleek and stylish and fast and very exclusive.
Adam: My choice of car is also sleek and stylish and fast and very exclusive.
Burt: Hmm, there may be a problem or two with that.
Adam: Can’t see why.
Burt: And it may also not have been the best idea to turn up for your audition in your full Batman outfit.
Adam: Why not?
Burt: I’m sure I saw the producer’s wife do a double-take then look very disapproving.
Adam: Nonsense.
Burt: Also it shows off your... your ...
Adam: Dick, I mean Burt, listen. Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible.
Burt: Well I’m pretty sure they didn’t appreciate that lecture about how you don’t kill people, you just stun them and tie them up then hand over to the proper authorities, so you wouldn’t be using a gun.
Adam: Well then, surely they must have liked my idea about making each film only half an hour long with a cliffhanger ending to the first part.
Burt: Er…. no, actually I’m pretty sure they want to make two-hour long movies.
Adam: You must be prepared to adapt, Burt. It is the duty of every good citizen to be prepared.
Burt: Gosh, you’re right, Bat -
(The Batphone begins to ring. Adam seizes it.)
Adam: Hello? … Yes, at once!
(Hangs up.)
Burt: Was it the James Bond people? Are you the new James Bond?
Adam: No, the Joker’s back in town. Quick, to the Batmobile!
Sir MilesThe Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,917Chief of Staff
I couldn’t ever see Adam West as Bond…all those POW, SOCK & KAPOW’s as he fought Che Che 👀🤣
that was very specifically Adam Wests version of Batman, with all his deadly earnest lectures on looking both ways before crossing the street, plus a few lines from the genuine original Batman origin story CoolHand posted the other week! (though I'd think itd be Alfred the butler offering to make coffee)
not having seen Adam West attempt anything else, I couldnt imagine him as Bond either. now I actually want to see a BondFilm with him playing Bond. Maybe Diamonds are Forever, that was an more cynical BondFilm thatd contrast with his naive style
Silhouette ManThe last refuge of a scoundrelPosts: 8,865MI6 Agent
Thanks, @Barbel. As you know I don't need much excuse to wax lyrical about John Gardner's Never Send Flowers! I know it's not everyone's cup of tea as a James Bond novel but I like the chances Gardner took with the novel in terms of pushing the envelope into new areas such as Bond being recast as a sort of detective in a serial killer story with high-profile victims. If anyone is at all interested I have a few threads here on different aspects of Never Send Flowers whichyou are very welcome to contribute to.
"The tough man of the world. The Secret Agent. The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).
1971. Filming of “Diamonds Are Forever”. Adam West has been selected to play James Bond. Director Guy Hamilton is shooting a casino scene.
Guy: And …action!
Lana Wood: Hi, I’m Plenty.
Adam: But of course you are.
Lana: Plenty O’Toole.
Adam: A name susceptible to many interpretations, most of them unfortunately salacious and even -
Guy: Cut! Now Adam, we spoke about this.
Adam: Yes, Commissioner?
Guy: I’m the director, not the Commissioner. Adam, you simply cannot make up your own lines as you please.
Adam: Oh, but back in –
Guy: Yes, I know that but we’re not in Gotham City anymore. Now, let’s do that scene again and this time just say the lines that are in the script!
(A bit later, in a hotel room.)
Jill St John: Sorry about your fulsome friend. I bet you really missed something.
Adam: No more than an evening of friendly talk and perhaps some lemonade. We must provide a good example to the younger people who watch –
Guy: (Less calm this time.) Cut! Adam, come over here a moment….
(Next day, in a luxury home high up in the hills. Poor Plenty is in the pool, and this is one she won’t be getting back out of.)
Adam: A dentist is dead in South Africa. That little old lady in Amsterdam. Shady got his last night. They've missed me once. And you're next. Now who’s your connection?
Jill: You sound like a cop to me.
Adam: I’m not an official member of any of the fine upstanding police forces you may have –
Guy: (Even less calm.) Cut! Adam, what’s going on? You’re supposed to slap her there!
Adam: Most definitely not. Violence against women is not to be encouraged.
Guy: Look, can you please just do what it says in the script? Maybe you could simply pretend to slap her and I’ll make it look as if you really have.
Adam: Oh no, that would still present the message in an unacceptable way.
Guy: Sean wouldn’t have had any problem with this. Just give me one moment.
(Guy goes off the set to the nearest phone. We can only hear bits and pieces of his conversation.)
Guy: Hello, Cubby? Look this just isn’t ….. Couldn’t you please ask …. I don’t care how much it costs, that’s your business to deal with those kind of ….. No, he’s impossible ….. Well, how about George? ….. He told Harry to what?…. So we’re back to Sean again …. Well, you’ll just have to find the money somewhere …. Yes, I’ll keep filming meantime ….
(Next day, on a set made to look like an ocean liner.)
Guy: Now Adam, Mr Kidd and Mr Wint are going to attack you but you fend them off.
Adam: No problem.
Guy: All right …. Action!
(Putter Smith and Bruce Glover rush at Adam. He punches Putter then stops, standing still. Bruce continues, puzzled.)
Guy: Cut! Adam, what are you doing?
Adam: I was waiting for the “Pow!” effect to come in.
Guy: (Steam coming out of his ears.) Oh God …. I’ll be back in a moment.
(He goes to the nearest phone.)
Guy: Hello, Cubby? ....
Sir MilesThe Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,917Chief of Staff
yup thatd be a good movie. I like the detail that Connery would have no problem slapping a woman. well, I dont like it, in real life, er, you know what I mean, but this unfortunate and well documented attitude fits in perfectly into this script!
now I remember Jill St John was actually in the first Batman episode ever. she played the Riddler's moll. At one point they kidnap Robin, and Jill puts on the Robin costume, and infiltrates the BatCave, and Batman doesnt notice the bod filling the Robin costume is now a little bit different.
2024. Eon HQ, disguised as an Underground station in London. Barbara and Michael are doing their yearly accounts.
BB: … and another £100m from the sales of Blu Ray and DVD editions of the Bond films this last year alone.
MGW: (Rubbing his hands.) It was a great idea of ours to continually keep reissuing the old movies as “Special Editions”, “Ultimate Editions”, “Classic Editions” and so on.
BB: Yes, each time with more unreleased and deleted scenes worked into the films themselves.
MGW: So that the fans had to continue buying them to keep up to date and see the bits that would otherwise just be sitting in a vault somewhere doing nobody any good.
BB: Yes, that’s right- we asked the fans to vote for what scenes they would like to see included.
MGW: It’s been a big success.
BB: How long is “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” now?
MGW: Nearly four and a half hours. That one’s doing well.
BB: And “Die Another Day”?
MGW: We’ve got it down to about half an hour.
BB: That long? Soon all that will be left is the song.
MGW: Oh no, that went ages ago.
BB: Now what’s this here, Michael? Another £350m under income?
MGW: Oh, that’s from admissions to the volcano set from “You Only Live Twice”. People from all over the world come day after day to see it, and are happy to pay the exorbitant fees we charge to get in.
BB: It was a good idea of Dad and Harry’s to keep the volcano standing after they had stopped filming.
MGW: Yes, it’s been a constant source of income for us. It would have been a shame if they had allowed it to be taken down after the film was finished.
BB: And that idea of yours, about charging them even more money to meet lookalike actors pretending to be Oddjob, Jaws, and so on – almost nobody pays the basic price!
MGW: Don’t you, every now and then, feel like making another Bond film again?
BB: Oh hell no! Not with all this money coming in without us lifting a finger!
Sir MilesThe Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,917Chief of Staff
Stop giving them ideas 😱🫣🤣
I’ve lost count of how many different versions of the films I’ve bought over the years 😵💫
I still want that 4 1/2 hour version of OHMSS though 🤭
I've lost count, too. Does taping them from ITV (pausing for adverts) count? That way there's the pleasure of seeing uncut versions when they appeared for sale!
If I give them the idea of bringing out longer versions of the old movies by reinstating deleted scenes (and yes, OHMSS is a prime contender for that treatment) then I will be very happy.
Edit: Also lengthen existing scenes, perhaps by using alternate takes if the trimmed parts aren't available. Track in John Barry's music with a judicious reuse of cues if necessary (people on YouTube do similar things all the time).
I love the idea of the old films being added to as discussed above, but every year that passes seems to make that less likely to happen.
Thanks everyone, glad to have stirred up that discussion. I remember the theme park thread, and suggest that someone might perhaps like to start one about doing longer versions of the old movies?
1967. Eon HQ, inside the Baxter Building. Messrs Saltzman & Broccoli are interviewing potential screenwriters for their new film, “You Only Live Twice”.
Harry: Have you heard of this guy, Cubby?
Cubby: Yeah, the kids read his stuff all the time.
Harry: Isn’t he a bit, you know, fanciful for us?
Cubby: He might be, but I think that’s definitely the way for us to go with this one.
Harry: Might be. (Presses a button on the intercom.) Send the next applicant in, please.
Secretary: (On intercom.) Yes, Mr Saltzman.
(The door opens and a moustached man with dark glasses comes in.)
Cubby: Come in, Mr Lee, take a seat.
Stan: Thank you (Sits.), call me Stan.
Harry: Stan it is. Now, Cubby and I have been having a look through this treatment which you sent us and we have one or two comments to make.
Stan: Oh yes?
Cubby: Our story is set in Japan, we’ve already started location spotting, and not in the halls of Asgard which, to be honest, I’m not sure actually exist.
Stan: Ah, yes, but –
Harry: And yes, you’re right, there is a character called Q who gives James Bond exciting and unexpected gadgets which he will subsequently use to defeat the villains. However, this does not include a flying suit of armour.
Stan: It doesn’t?
Cubby: It doesn’t. If Bond has to fly, Q will give him a miniature helicopter. Also, our villain has only the normal two arms.
Stan: Are you certain about that?
Harry: We’re certain. Dr No is acceptable, Dr Octopus is not.
Stan: Okay, what about -
Cubby: And Dr Strange isn’t either.
Stan: Then I hope you liked my thought about Bond being able to get bigger or smaller as the plot demands.
Cubby/Harry: (Together) No.
Stan: Okay… Now surely you liked my idea for an American agent to team up with Bond?
Cubby: We already have an American agent to team up with Bond. He’s called Felix Leiter, not Furious Dick.
Stan: Nick Fury.
Cubby: Whatever.
Harry: And our leading lady has really got to be visible.
Stan: Not invisible?
Cubby: Not invisible. And one more thing...
Stan: Yes?
Harry: At no point does our hero get bitten by a radioactive spider.
Stan: Aw.
Sir MilesThe Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,917Chief of Staff
🤣
Although FuriousDick would be an apt cover name for Bond 👀🤣🤗
1978, Albert R. Broccolis Grand Hotel Residence in Paris
He looks at stills from yesterdays shooting of Moonraker provided by Lewis Gilbert, who brought them and is having breakfast with the producer.
Broccoli pours baked beans on some toast and arranges some bacon on them.
He takes a hearty bite and shouts at his director:
"Lewis, these scenes with no gravity Roge and Lois are a mixture of Superman and Pinocchio! I know my actors were called wooden, but this is finally making them puppets on a string! I am not Gerry Anderson, you know! "
Lewis Gilbert nods: " No Problem, they are in No Gravity with their sex scene at the finale! We do not need to double this FX."
Broccoli: "Heavens, take care that they put a blanket over their shortcomings or I am never going to market this movie in America! Your army Pin Up Antics Humour has no place in Moonraker. I had problems catering this steamy Barbara Bach Shower Scene to US Censorship!"
And a big thanks to Xando! I did think about not presenting a Conversation today since it's now already done, but then I thought of doing one set in Austria as a thank-you.
Comments
1969. The Batcave. Adam West is pacing up and down, never getting too far away from the Batphone. Burt Ward looks on concernedly.
Burt: Oh sit down, Adam, why don’t you?
Adam: Sit down? I can’t sit down!
Burt: Just try to relax and-
Adam: Relax? Ha!
Burt: Let me make you a nice cup of coffee and-
Adam: A nice cup of coffee? I can’t think about a nice cup of coffee at a time like this!
Burt: What do you mean, “a time like this”? Nothing is happening!
Adam: That’s just it, nothing is happening. That phone should be ringing by now.
Burt: Well, look, maybe they picked some other fellow.
Adam: The only other fellow who was there that day was some Australian who sold chocolate. I’m Batman!
Burt: Perhaps they don’t want an American to play James Bond.
Adam: They don’t want an American but they might want an Australian?
Burt: Holy miscasting, Bruce, er, Adam.
Adam: Exactly.
Burt: It might have been a mistake to insist that you got to pick which car to drive if you got the part.
Adam: What do you mean?
Burt: Well, I’m pretty sure that they would want James Bond to drive an Aston Martin, because they’re sleek and stylish and fast and very exclusive.
Adam: My choice of car is also sleek and stylish and fast and very exclusive.
Burt: Hmm, there may be a problem or two with that.
Adam: Can’t see why.
Burt: And it may also not have been the best idea to turn up for your audition in your full Batman outfit.
Adam: Why not?
Burt: I’m sure I saw the producer’s wife do a double-take then look very disapproving.
Adam: Nonsense.
Burt: Also it shows off your... your ...
Adam: Dick, I mean Burt, listen. Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible.
Burt: Well I’m pretty sure they didn’t appreciate that lecture about how you don’t kill people, you just stun them and tie them up then hand over to the proper authorities, so you wouldn’t be using a gun.
Adam: Well then, surely they must have liked my idea about making each film only half an hour long with a cliffhanger ending to the first part.
Burt: Er…. no, actually I’m pretty sure they want to make two-hour long movies.
Adam: You must be prepared to adapt, Burt. It is the duty of every good citizen to be prepared.
Burt: Gosh, you’re right, Bat -
(The Batphone begins to ring. Adam seizes it.)
Adam: Hello? … Yes, at once!
(Hangs up.)
Burt: Was it the James Bond people? Are you the new James Bond?
Adam: No, the Joker’s back in town. Quick, to the Batmobile!
I couldn’t ever see Adam West as Bond…all those POW, SOCK & KAPOW’s as he fought Che Che 👀🤣
Excellent, Barbel 🤣
that was very specifically Adam Wests version of Batman, with all his deadly earnest lectures on looking both ways before crossing the street, plus a few lines from the genuine original Batman origin story CoolHand posted the other week! (though I'd think itd be Alfred the butler offering to make coffee)
not having seen Adam West attempt anything else, I couldnt imagine him as Bond either. now I actually want to see a BondFilm with him playing Bond. Maybe Diamonds are Forever, that was an more cynical BondFilm thatd contrast with his naive style
Thanks, @Barbel. As you know I don't need much excuse to wax lyrical about John Gardner's Never Send Flowers! I know it's not everyone's cup of tea as a James Bond novel but I like the chances Gardner took with the novel in terms of pushing the envelope into new areas such as Bond being recast as a sort of detective in a serial killer story with high-profile victims. If anyone is at all interested I have a few threads here on different aspects of Never Send Flowers which you are very welcome to contribute to.
The ultimate team-up…
Good stuff, Barbel 😂🤣👏
Thank you, everyone. Much appreciated.
This next one is for @caractacus potts who asked above for Adam West in DAF.
1971. Filming of “Diamonds Are Forever”. Adam West has been selected to play James Bond. Director Guy Hamilton is shooting a casino scene.
Guy: And …action!
Lana Wood: Hi, I’m Plenty.
Adam: But of course you are.
Lana: Plenty O’Toole.
Adam: A name susceptible to many interpretations, most of them unfortunately salacious and even -
Guy: Cut! Now Adam, we spoke about this.
Adam: Yes, Commissioner?
Guy: I’m the director, not the Commissioner. Adam, you simply cannot make up your own lines as you please.
Adam: Oh, but back in –
Guy: Yes, I know that but we’re not in Gotham City anymore. Now, let’s do that scene again and this time just say the lines that are in the script!
(A bit later, in a hotel room.)
Jill St John: Sorry about your fulsome friend. I bet you really missed something.
Adam: No more than an evening of friendly talk and perhaps some lemonade. We must provide a good example to the younger people who watch –
Guy: (Less calm this time.) Cut! Adam, come over here a moment….
(Next day, in a luxury home high up in the hills. Poor Plenty is in the pool, and this is one she won’t be getting back out of.)
Adam: A dentist is dead in South Africa. That little old lady in Amsterdam. Shady got his last night. They've missed me once. And you're next. Now who’s your connection?
Jill: You sound like a cop to me.
Adam: I’m not an official member of any of the fine upstanding police forces you may have –
Guy: (Even less calm.) Cut! Adam, what’s going on? You’re supposed to slap her there!
Adam: Most definitely not. Violence against women is not to be encouraged.
Guy: Look, can you please just do what it says in the script? Maybe you could simply pretend to slap her and I’ll make it look as if you really have.
Adam: Oh no, that would still present the message in an unacceptable way.
Guy: Sean wouldn’t have had any problem with this. Just give me one moment.
(Guy goes off the set to the nearest phone. We can only hear bits and pieces of his conversation.)
Guy: Hello, Cubby? Look this just isn’t ….. Couldn’t you please ask …. I don’t care how much it costs, that’s your business to deal with those kind of ….. No, he’s impossible ….. Well, how about George? ….. He told Harry to what?…. So we’re back to Sean again …. Well, you’ll just have to find the money somewhere …. Yes, I’ll keep filming meantime ….
(Next day, on a set made to look like an ocean liner.)
Guy: Now Adam, Mr Kidd and Mr Wint are going to attack you but you fend them off.
Adam: No problem.
Guy: All right …. Action!
(Putter Smith and Bruce Glover rush at Adam. He punches Putter then stops, standing still. Bruce continues, puzzled.)
Guy: Cut! Adam, what are you doing?
Adam: I was waiting for the “Pow!” effect to come in.
Guy: (Steam coming out of his ears.) Oh God …. I’ll be back in a moment.
(He goes to the nearest phone.)
Guy: Hello, Cubby? ....
That’s too good 🤣🤣
I really want to see this version now 👏🏻🤣
yup thatd be a good movie. I like the detail that Connery would have no problem slapping a woman. well, I dont like it, in real life, er, you know what I mean, but this unfortunate and well documented attitude fits in perfectly into this script!
now I remember Jill St John was actually in the first Batman episode ever. she played the Riddler's moll. At one point they kidnap Robin, and Jill puts on the Robin costume, and infiltrates the BatCave, and Batman doesnt notice the bod filling the Robin costume is now a little bit different.
Very good, Barbel🤣👏 Those POW! BIFF! logos would have been hilarious in the Wint/Kidd fight at the end 🤣
Thank you all very much, guys. Enough from Batman for the moment; the next will be be here very shortly (once I know what it is).
2024. Eon HQ, disguised as an Underground station in London. Barbara and Michael are doing their yearly accounts.
BB: … and another £100m from the sales of Blu Ray and DVD editions of the Bond films this last year alone.
MGW: (Rubbing his hands.) It was a great idea of ours to continually keep reissuing the old movies as “Special Editions”, “Ultimate Editions”, “Classic Editions” and so on.
BB: Yes, each time with more unreleased and deleted scenes worked into the films themselves.
MGW: So that the fans had to continue buying them to keep up to date and see the bits that would otherwise just be sitting in a vault somewhere doing nobody any good.
BB: Yes, that’s right- we asked the fans to vote for what scenes they would like to see included.
MGW: It’s been a big success.
BB: How long is “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” now?
MGW: Nearly four and a half hours. That one’s doing well.
BB: And “Die Another Day”?
MGW: We’ve got it down to about half an hour.
BB: That long? Soon all that will be left is the song.
MGW: Oh no, that went ages ago.
BB: Now what’s this here, Michael? Another £350m under income?
MGW: Oh, that’s from admissions to the volcano set from “You Only Live Twice”. People from all over the world come day after day to see it, and are happy to pay the exorbitant fees we charge to get in.
BB: It was a good idea of Dad and Harry’s to keep the volcano standing after they had stopped filming.
MGW: Yes, it’s been a constant source of income for us. It would have been a shame if they had allowed it to be taken down after the film was finished.
BB: And that idea of yours, about charging them even more money to meet lookalike actors pretending to be Oddjob, Jaws, and so on – almost nobody pays the basic price!
MGW: Don’t you, every now and then, feel like making another Bond film again?
BB: Oh hell no! Not with all this money coming in without us lifting a finger!
Stop giving them ideas 😱🫣🤣
I’ve lost count of how many different versions of the films I’ve bought over the years 😵💫
I still want that 4 1/2 hour version of OHMSS though 🤭
I've lost count, too. Does taping them from ITV (pausing for adverts) count? That way there's the pleasure of seeing uncut versions when they appeared for sale!
If I give them the idea of bringing out longer versions of the old movies by reinstating deleted scenes (and yes, OHMSS is a prime contender for that treatment) then I will be very happy.
Edit: Also lengthen existing scenes, perhaps by using alternate takes if the trimmed parts aren't available. Track in John Barry's music with a judicious reuse of cues if necessary (people on YouTube do similar things all the time).
these are all good ideas I like better than whatever is going to be Bond26
a chance to visit the volcano set and meet lookalike actors playing the henchmen reminds me of our old themepark thread
I’d love to see extended versions of the old movies much more than any proposed new production.
Jill St. John - a shagadelic sight for sore eyes!
I love the idea of the old films being added to as discussed above, but every year that passes seems to make that less likely to happen.
Thanks everyone, glad to have stirred up that discussion. I remember the theme park thread, and suggest that someone might perhaps like to start one about doing longer versions of the old movies?
1963. Broccoli Mansions. Time for three-year-old Barbara to go to bed.
Dana: Come on now, darling, it’s time for bed.
BB: I want a story!
Dana: Oh, all right then.
MGW: (Who loves his little sister very much.) Let me read the story, Mother.
Dana: Of course. Now (She tucks little BB in.) what story would you like?
BB: Jack And The Beanstalk! It’s my favourite!
MGW: Of course. Now, “There was once a boy called Jack and –
BB: No, not all that boring stuff- go to the ending!
MGW: The ending?
BB: Yes, I want to hear the end.
MGW: Well, all right. “Jack came down the beanstalk with the goose under his arm, took his axe, and –
BB: And chopped off the goose’s head!
MGW: No, no, Barbara, he chops down the beanstalk so the giant can’t come down after him.
BB: No, he chops the goose’s head off!
MGW: But Barbara, this is the goose that lays the golden eggs.
BB: Yes, and I want it dead.
MGW: (Sadly.) Well, if you really want that ….
BB: Yes!
MGW: (Anything to please his little sister.) “Jack kills the goose that lays the golden eggs.”
BB: (Gleefully.) The End.
All too true, unfortunately 🥲👏
🤣😳🤣
Thanks, guys.
1967. Eon HQ, inside the Baxter Building. Messrs Saltzman & Broccoli are interviewing potential screenwriters for their new film, “You Only Live Twice”.
Harry: Have you heard of this guy, Cubby?
Cubby: Yeah, the kids read his stuff all the time.
Harry: Isn’t he a bit, you know, fanciful for us?
Cubby: He might be, but I think that’s definitely the way for us to go with this one.
Harry: Might be. (Presses a button on the intercom.) Send the next applicant in, please.
Secretary: (On intercom.) Yes, Mr Saltzman.
(The door opens and a moustached man with dark glasses comes in.)
Cubby: Come in, Mr Lee, take a seat.
Stan: Thank you (Sits.), call me Stan.
Harry: Stan it is. Now, Cubby and I have been having a look through this treatment which you sent us and we have one or two comments to make.
Stan: Oh yes?
Cubby: Our story is set in Japan, we’ve already started location spotting, and not in the halls of Asgard which, to be honest, I’m not sure actually exist.
Stan: Ah, yes, but –
Harry: And yes, you’re right, there is a character called Q who gives James Bond exciting and unexpected gadgets which he will subsequently use to defeat the villains. However, this does not include a flying suit of armour.
Stan: It doesn’t?
Cubby: It doesn’t. If Bond has to fly, Q will give him a miniature helicopter. Also, our villain has only the normal two arms.
Stan: Are you certain about that?
Harry: We’re certain. Dr No is acceptable, Dr Octopus is not.
Stan: Okay, what about -
Cubby: And Dr Strange isn’t either.
Stan: Then I hope you liked my thought about Bond being able to get bigger or smaller as the plot demands.
Cubby/Harry: (Together) No.
Stan: Okay… Now surely you liked my idea for an American agent to team up with Bond?
Cubby: We already have an American agent to team up with Bond. He’s called Felix Leiter, not Furious Dick.
Stan: Nick Fury.
Cubby: Whatever.
Harry: And our leading lady has really got to be visible.
Stan: Not invisible?
Cubby: Not invisible. And one more thing...
Stan: Yes?
Harry: At no point does our hero get bitten by a radioactive spider.
Stan: Aw.
🤣
Although Furious Dick would be an apt cover name for Bond 👀🤣🤗
I still think all those Ken Adam sets looks like they came straight out of a Jack Kirby drawing
I’m pretty certain Sean wouldn’t agree to another spider scene 😁
Keep them coming!
1978, Albert R. Broccolis Grand Hotel Residence in Paris
He looks at stills from yesterdays shooting of Moonraker provided by Lewis Gilbert, who brought them and is having breakfast with the producer.
Broccoli pours baked beans on some toast and arranges some bacon on them.
He takes a hearty bite and shouts at his director:
"Lewis, these scenes with no gravity Roge and Lois are a mixture of Superman and Pinocchio! I know my actors were called wooden, but this is finally making them puppets on a string! I am not Gerry Anderson, you know! "
Lewis Gilbert nods: " No Problem, they are in No Gravity with their sex scene at the finale! We do not need to double this FX."
Broccoli: "Heavens, take care that they put a blanket over their shortcomings or I am never going to market this movie in America! Your army Pin Up Antics Humour has no place in Moonraker. I had problems catering this steamy Barbara Bach Shower Scene to US Censorship!"
Thanks as ever, guys.
And a big thanks to Xando! I did think about not presenting a Conversation today since it's now already done, but then I thought of doing one set in Austria as a thank-you.
1987. Vienna. The house of Saunders, Head of Section V. He’s putting on his jacket.
Saunders: Shan’t be long, darling.
Mrs Saunders: What? You’re only just home! Where are you going?
Saunders: I have to go to the Prater amusement park.
Mrs Saunders: The big wheel? Das Wiener Riesenrad?
Saunders: That’s right.
Mrs Saunders: And you’re going without me?
Saunders: It’s work, my love, not pleasure.
Mrs Saunders: What are you up to?
Saunders: Now, you know I can’t tell you that.
Mrs Saunders: Just tell me who you’re meeting. I don’t want it to be that secretary from the Embassy.
Saunders: The one with the-
Mrs Saunders: That’s her.
Saunders: No, of course not. It’s a man.
Mrs Saunders: Oh? What man?
Saunders: The one who I got so annoyed with about not shooting the cello girl when … er, we were on a mission.
Mrs Saunders: Bond? James Bond?
Saunders: Yes, him.
Mrs Saunders: And you’re helping him do something?
Saunders: Yes, I’m meeting him to hand over some papers.
Mrs Saunders: Well, just you be careful.
Saunders: Of course I’ll be careful. It’s easy, nothing’s going to happen...
Very nice and in perfect timing for the new Action 007 Exhibition which started yesterday or so in Vienna. I am going to watch that!