Thank very much, gentlemen. Today's will be along shortly. Feet are already pacing, back and forth, occasionally with a little bourbon falling beside them from a glass held in a shaky hand ....
The Martin household. Dean is pacing, slightly unsteadily (it’s after midday and he IS Dean Martin, after all) back and forth while never getting too far away from the telephone. His concerned wife looks on, worriedly.
Mrs Martin: Oh sit down, Dean, why don’t you?
Dean: Sit down? I can’t sit down! (Sips a little of his bourbon.) Wait a while and I might fall down, though.
Mrs Martin: Just try to relax, my love.
Dean: I don’t know how much more relaxed I can get. (Sips a little more.) Mind you, I’m working on that.
Mrs Martin: Put the bourbon down and I’ll make you a nice cup of coffee.
Dean: A nice cup of coffee? You seriously expect me to drink (hic!) a nice cup of coffee? Who are you and what have you done with my wife?
Mrs Martin: (Sighs.) Well, just sit here and I’ll get you more bourbon then.
Dean: Sit here? At a time like this?
Mrs Martin: What do you mean, a time like this? Nothing is happening!
Dean: (Wobbling a bit.) That’s just it, amore mio. I happen to know that a new Matt Helm production is being made and they haven’t contacted me yet.
Mrs Martin: Are you sure they’ll contact you?
Dean: Of course they’ll contact me! The Bond (hic!) people brought Sean Connery back to play James Bond, didn’t they?
Mrs Martin: Well, yes, but then they replaced him with Roger Moore.
Dean: (Ignoring that.) And I was Matt Helm in the whole cinema series, wasn’t I?
Mrs Martin: Of course you were, darling.
Dean: And at the end of “The Wrecking Crew” they said there would be another one.
Mrs Martin: Of course, Dean, my love, but that was six years ago and you’re nearly sixty now. Don’t you think that you might be, now please take some more bourbon, getting just a little too, er, mature to be playing a secret agent with young girls chasing after him while you beat up the bad guys?
Dean: Me? Of course not! I bet you Roger Moore will still be playing James Bond at that age!
Mrs Martin: Now that would be silly. The young girls chasing him at that age? Unbelievable!
Dean: Maybe yes, maybe no. But I still say (hic!) that if they’re making a new Matt Helm production then they have to call me!
Hic!
Sir MilesThe Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,402Chief of Staff
Comments
@Number24 I think EON want to know how they’ve been bugged!
Terrific work @Barbel 😁😂🤣👏
Thank very much, gentlemen. Today's will be along shortly. Feet are already pacing, back and forth, occasionally with a little bourbon falling beside them from a glass held in a shaky hand ....
1975
The Martin household. Dean is pacing, slightly unsteadily (it’s after midday and he IS Dean Martin, after all) back and forth while never getting too far away from the telephone. His concerned wife looks on, worriedly.
Mrs Martin: Oh sit down, Dean, why don’t you?
Dean: Sit down? I can’t sit down! (Sips a little of his bourbon.) Wait a while and I might fall down, though.
Mrs Martin: Just try to relax, my love.
Dean: I don’t know how much more relaxed I can get. (Sips a little more.) Mind you, I’m working on that.
Mrs Martin: Put the bourbon down and I’ll make you a nice cup of coffee.
Dean: A nice cup of coffee? You seriously expect me to drink (hic!) a nice cup of coffee? Who are you and what have you done with my wife?
Mrs Martin: (Sighs.) Well, just sit here and I’ll get you more bourbon then.
Dean: Sit here? At a time like this?
Mrs Martin: What do you mean, a time like this? Nothing is happening!
Dean: (Wobbling a bit.) That’s just it, amore mio. I happen to know that a new Matt Helm production is being made and they haven’t contacted me yet.
Mrs Martin: Are you sure they’ll contact you?
Dean: Of course they’ll contact me! The Bond (hic!) people brought Sean Connery back to play James Bond, didn’t they?
Mrs Martin: Well, yes, but then they replaced him with Roger Moore.
Dean: (Ignoring that.) And I was Matt Helm in the whole cinema series, wasn’t I?
Mrs Martin: Of course you were, darling.
Dean: And at the end of “The Wrecking Crew” they said there would be another one.
Mrs Martin: Of course, Dean, my love, but that was six years ago and you’re nearly sixty now. Don’t you think that you might be, now please take some more bourbon, getting just a little too, er, mature to be playing a secret agent with young girls chasing after him while you beat up the bad guys?
Dean: Me? Of course not! I bet you Roger Moore will still be playing James Bond at that age!
Mrs Martin: Now that would be silly. The young girls chasing him at that age? Unbelievable!
Dean: Maybe yes, maybe no. But I still say (hic!) that if they’re making a new Matt Helm production then they have to call me!
Hic!
Love it 🤣🤣
Hic!
Dean: Me? Of course not! I bet you Roger Moore will still be playing James Bond at that age!
Mrs Martin: Now that would be silly. The young girls chasing him at that age? Unbelievable!
😂🤣