1973. Eon Productions, Publicity Department. The telephone rings.
Assistant: Hello, Publicity? …. Yes, of course, just a moment.
(The assistant covers the earpiece and calls to his boss.)
Assistant: Bob, it’s for you. And it’s Cubby Broccoli himself!
(Bob takes the phone.)
Bob: Ah, good morning, Mr Broccoli, I take it you’ve seen our new poster? ….. All right, you have…. Did you like what we did with Roger Moore’s name, having the “O”s line up to form “007”? I was very pleased with that…. Excellent, I’m glad you liked that too….Oh? What exactly? … Yes, I know he doesn’t really fire a ship-sized gun anywhere in the film but I thought it made a good centrepiece for the poster…. And yes, you’re correct, a crocodile ...What? … All right, an alligator does not actually spit speedboats full of armed men from its mouth… It’s called “artistic licence” ….
…. Yes, I thought the cards were a great idea, you told me that we …. Well, we’ve got one figure representing Solitaire, one representing Rosie Carver, one representing Baron Samedi …. No, I’ve no idea who the other figure is either … She’s just there to balance the design of the image, can't have two figures on one side of Bond and only one on the other …. Oh? The one representing Rosie? What do you want? …. Make her boots bigger? Why on Earth would you want me to make her boots bigger? ...Oh, I see. Must be a bad line … So apart from that you’re happy? … Yes, Mr Broccoli, I’ll get onto that straight away.
Bob: (On phone.) Ah hello, Mr Broccoli, it’s Bob here…. Good, you got the poster, then? …. Well, I did as you said. You can just see that he’s wearing a tuxedo underneath the spacesuit, but I have to say that I think that would be terribly hot and not very practical… Ok, you’re the boss. Also, I did put Jaws in but I think the position looks very unreal… Ah, yes, of course. I’d forgotten that we’re in space… Girls? Well, how many girls? At least three, you say… In addition to the leading lady … Can I have them just floating about, like Jaws? … All right, will do….. Yes, of course I’ll have them wearing less than Bond is… Drax? The main villain, you mean?… Do you want him with a gun? … No? Not even a laser?… Ok, he can just point, then… Anything else? …. The colour of Goodhead’s dress? What’s wrong with it?….
Ok, I’ll change that to silver, then … And I’ll put another space shuttle in…. His name? Well I’ve got “James Bond 007” in big lettering, everyone will know who he is! …. Oh, on the spacesuit. Yes, I’ll put his name on the spacesuit … And his number …. And a few other changes .... No, no problem at all. Thank you.
is there a story behind why Bond isnt wearing a helmet on the cover of the novelization?
Wood explains why he's outside the space station but never mentions the lack of helmet clearly visible in the picture. Though it does confirm he was wearing a tux even if that wasnt seen in the movie. Perhaps the images within the movie are less definitive than the posters or the novelization cover?
1969. Eon Productions, Publicity Department. A phone rings.
Bob: Ah hello again, Mr Broccoli, how are you? ... Yes sir, very much looking forward to the new film... yes, it's coming along fine, one of our best I think! Frank and I have George in a classic Bond pose wearing black tie, and Diana in a low-cut minidress, both on skis; I've got Blofeld in his bobsleigh firing at them; I've got helicopters raiding Piz Gloria; and guards galore firing sub-machine guns. You're going to love it! ...
... What's that Mr Broccoli? ... he's what? ... so soon?.... and you want me to... Yves who? ... yes I'll hold off for a bit.... no problem sir. (Hehangsup, andimmediatelydialsanothernumber).
Bob: Frank, some photographer named Yves is now involved... we need to hold off for a bit, you'll never believe the conversation George had with Cubby.... yes, this never happened with the other feller...
I should just add that Barbel had a funnier idea for the OHMSS poster but I managed to miss it in my haste to post something while the muse, for the first time in a while, was whispering in my ear...
Secretary: (On intercom.) Your call is ready, Mr Feldman.
Feldman: Thank you, Miss Goodthighs.
(He picks up the phone.)
Feldman: Hello, Bob? … Hi, listen, this is Charlie Feldman … No, Charlie Feldman, not Marty … Anyway, I have a job for you if you’re interested … Well, it’s a James Bond poster. I believe that you’re the …. No, Harry and Cubby are fine as far as I know (Sighs.) … This one is called “Casino Royale” … Well, technically it’s David Niven …
No, no, not like that- Peter Sellers, Woody Allen, Ursula Andress are all Bond as well … Yes, really … No, I don’t expect you to have all their faces on the poster- in fact, I don’t want any faces at all! … Well, what I see is a girl, naked but covered in paint … What? Well, I hadn’t thought of gold paint but now that you mention it … Oh, I see, that’s been done. Oh well … It’s the sixties, we’re all psychedelic and groovy, baby- er, Bobby … Yes, cover her in psychedelic images, that’s right … No, from the back of course, we don’t want to get into any bother with the censor … Well, no, I hadn’t asked them … I don’t suppose Cubby and Harry would mind …
Secretary: (On intercom.) Mr Sellers is on line two, sir, he wants to speak to you immediately.
Feldman: (Sighs again.) Very well. Bob, listen, I’ll get back to you but just you start going to work on that, okay …. Peter, baby, what can I do for you?
That's astounding, I did not know about this American poster obscuring Bond's face and leaving out Lazenby's name. I think it really doesn't work, and betrays a lack of confidence in their new film at a time when spymania was already waning.
That 007magazine website is incredible: how did he get access to all those graphics? I'd already figured it was the best source of info on the PAN paperback artwork, but never found this article with the OHMSS photoshoots before.
Bob Jr: (On Phone.) Yes, Mr Wilson …. Of course ….. Make him the main feature of the poster … Not like last time …. In fact, I was thinking of just having him alone …. Yes, I think so … Oh, yes, very modern and eye-catching … If you give me a couple of days, I’ll send you a rough version … All right, bye Mr Wilson.
Frank Jr: You’ve just agreed to send him a poster in a couple of days?
Bob Jr: Not quite…
(Sits at keyboard and bangs something out in about thirty seconds.)
Frank Jr: That’ll be good enough.
Bob Jr: Yeah. (Looks at watch.) Come on, the pub’s open in ten minutes.
1983. Eon Productions, Publicity Department. A phone rings.
Bob: Ah hello again, Mr Broccoli, how are you? ... Yes sir, very much looking forward to the new film, and I believe the public will lap up the 'official' Bond this year...
A few changes? No problem... Oh... Exactly how many arms do you want her to have, Mr Broccoli? ... She definitely only had two the last time I painted her, for "The Man With The Golden Gun", and you didn't complain then... (He pauses to pour a large Scotch)
Yes she's definitely doing up that button, Mr Broccoli... No Mr Broccoli, she's definitely screwing on the silencer, I think that's all that's implied there.... Roger's legs? ... yes they do kind of... no, I know there's a circus in the movie, but I'm not trying to imply he's on stilts... (He pauses to sip his Scotch)
(Two months later. The phones rings again).
Bob: Hello? ... Yes Mr Broccoli, I did receive a call from Lairs Incorporated, I assumed you gave them my number... yes, that's definitely a good likeness of the photo they sent me of their man Pradeep ... no I'm afraid I don't get the in-joke either... Oh, I thought you said a circular STRAW! ... Yes, I thought it was strange, too... (now positively gluggng back the Scotch)
...Yes Mr Broccoli, I do know some leftover white space on either side... yes I guess I could throw a tiger in there or something else Indian... a casino? An Indian casino? ... yes I'm aware they have them in America... but aren't they American Indian casinos, Native American? ... yes Mr Broccoli, will do, I know Bond always goes to a casino...
Kristina Wayborn needs bigger boots for the Norwegian version, Mr Broccoli? But she isn't wearing ... oh sorry, I hear you now... yes, it's still the same old phone I was using back in '73... Ok thanks Mr Broccoli, will do, bye now.
C&D is too modest here- I only came up with a few suggestions.
While looking online at various Bond posters, I was reminded that back in the 70s the Bond movies were sometimes on double bills with non-Bond movies. This one made reasonable sense-
And this one less so-
(Though that was the most Bondlike of the Panthers). And then I came across this-
I was startled. Of all the films to pair with James Bond, someone thought "Mary Poppins" would be a good choice??? However, on closer examination it turned out that the two movies would be alternating rather than paired. Still, it's a weird combination!
Sean Connery's authentic-sounding dialog reminds me...
(I just watched the Get Smart episode the other day where he meets The Craw, that's what's got me thinking)
...do you think perhaps Connery's first name is maybe something more like "Son", and we've been pronouncing it wrong all these years because nobody can understand him?
Harry: Cubby, get Bob on the line. Something I need to ask- why is Sean upside down?
Cubby: Whaddya mean, Harry?
Harry: He's wearing a tux and he's walking on the rungs of a ladder... upside down.
Cubby: Well, I like it.
Harry: Looking at it gives me...
Cubby: What, Harry?
Harry: A pain in the neck.
Cubby: (Under his breath) I know what that's like...
Eon Productions, Publicity Department. The telephone rings.
Bob: Hello…..Ah, hello Mr Saltzman….Yes, how do you like it? …. Your name’s missing? …. If you look carefully, you’ll see that it says “Presented By Albert R. Broccoli & Harry Saltzman” below the title … Yes, I know we usually put that first but you told me that you specifically wanted it to say “Sean Connery IS James Bond”, and it would look silly having your names presenting that … Well, of course I could change it to “Sean Connery as James Bond” and put your names back above that … I see, you want it that way because there’s another James Bond movie this year … Yes, I think I’ve heard about it, er, somewhere. (Whistles nonchalantly.)
A week later.
Harry: Cubby, get Bob on the line again. Something I need to ask.
Cubby: Ok, Harry. (Cubby reaches for the phone and starts dialling.) What is it this time?
Harry: I understand now why he's walking on the rungs of a ladder, upside down.
Cubby: It's called 'artistic licence', Harry.
Harry: What I want to know is...
Cubby: What, Harry?
Harry: Why's it look like he's about to get a rocket up his ass?
Cubby: (Under his breath.) I know someone who needs one of those...
Comments
(A young man approaches.)
Guard: Hey you! No one gets in here.
Man: But I'm the Best Boy.
Guard: Huh?
Man: I'm Pradeep, I'm the Best Boy.
Guard: (Confused, not really knowing what a "Best Boy" is.) Well okay then...
Pradeep, the ultimate architect has broken the fourth wall.
1973. Eon Productions, Publicity Department. The telephone rings.
Assistant: Hello, Publicity? …. Yes, of course, just a moment.
(The assistant covers the earpiece and calls to his boss.)
Assistant: Bob, it’s for you. And it’s Cubby Broccoli himself!
(Bob takes the phone.)
Bob: Ah, good morning, Mr Broccoli, I take it you’ve seen our new poster? ….. All right, you have…. Did you like what we did with Roger Moore’s name, having the “O”s line up to form “007”? I was very pleased with that…. Excellent, I’m glad you liked that too….Oh? What exactly? … Yes, I know he doesn’t really fire a ship-sized gun anywhere in the film but I thought it made a good centrepiece for the poster…. And yes, you’re correct, a crocodile ...What? … All right, an alligator does not actually spit speedboats full of armed men from its mouth… It’s called “artistic licence” ….
…. Yes, I thought the cards were a great idea, you told me that we …. Well, we’ve got one figure representing Solitaire, one representing Rosie Carver, one representing Baron Samedi …. No, I’ve no idea who the other figure is either … She’s just there to balance the design of the image, can't have two figures on one side of Bond and only one on the other …. Oh? The one representing Rosie? What do you want? …. Make her boots bigger? Why on Earth would you want me to make her boots bigger? ...Oh, I see. Must be a bad line … So apart from that you’re happy? … Yes, Mr Broccoli, I’ll get onto that straight away.
(He puts the phone down.)
Assistant: Everything all right, Bob?
Bob: Just a few little changes….
Make her boots bigger... 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
The posters themselves could spawn an entire series of Imaginary Conversations...
Well, if you insist...
1979. Eon Productions, Publicity Department.
Bob: (On phone.) Ah hello, Mr Broccoli, it’s Bob here…. Good, you got the poster, then? …. Well, I did as you said. You can just see that he’s wearing a tuxedo underneath the spacesuit, but I have to say that I think that would be terribly hot and not very practical… Ok, you’re the boss. Also, I did put Jaws in but I think the position looks very unreal… Ah, yes, of course. I’d forgotten that we’re in space… Girls? Well, how many girls? At least three, you say… In addition to the leading lady … Can I have them just floating about, like Jaws? … All right, will do….. Yes, of course I’ll have them wearing less than Bond is… Drax? The main villain, you mean?… Do you want him with a gun? … No? Not even a laser?… Ok, he can just point, then… Anything else? …. The colour of Goodhead’s dress? What’s wrong with it?….
Ok, I’ll change that to silver, then … And I’ll put another space shuttle in…. His name? Well I’ve got “James Bond 007” in big lettering, everyone will know who he is! …. Oh, on the spacesuit. Yes, I’ll put his name on the spacesuit … And his number …. And a few other changes .... No, no problem at all. Thank you.
I'm a fan of big boots 😊
is there a story behind why Bond isnt wearing a helmet on the cover of the novelization?
Wood explains why he's outside the space station but never mentions the lack of helmet clearly visible in the picture. Though it does confirm he was wearing a tux even if that wasnt seen in the movie. Perhaps the images within the movie are less definitive than the posters or the novelization cover?
😁😁😁 Wouldn't it be funny if that were the case, though?
I'm using the name "Bob" as a generalisation for the various poster artists, as a tribute to the late Robert McGinnis who was behind many of them.
1969. Eon Productions, Publicity Department. A phone rings.
Bob: Ah hello again, Mr Broccoli, how are you? ... Yes sir, very much looking forward to the new film... yes, it's coming along fine, one of our best I think! Frank and I have George in a classic Bond pose wearing black tie, and Diana in a low-cut minidress, both on skis; I've got Blofeld in his bobsleigh firing at them; I've got helicopters raiding Piz Gloria; and guards galore firing sub-machine guns. You're going to love it! ...
... What's that Mr Broccoli? ... he's what? ... so soon?.... and you want me to... Yves who? ... yes I'll hold off for a bit.... no problem sir. (He hangs up, and immediately dials another number).
Bob: Frank, some photographer named Yves is now involved... we need to hold off for a bit, you'll never believe the conversation George had with Cubby.... yes, this never happened with the other feller...
(I'm sure we all know the story, but if not: http://007magazine.co.uk/factfiles/factfiles_paperbacks_ohmss_photoshoots.htm)
Brilliant! 🍸🍸🍸
I should just add that Barbel had a funnier idea for the OHMSS poster but I managed to miss it in my haste to post something while the muse, for the first time in a while, was whispering in my ear...
😁😁😁 And I see you're using the actual names, too. 👍👍👍
1967. Office of Charles K. Feldman.
Secretary: (On intercom.) Your call is ready, Mr Feldman.
Feldman: Thank you, Miss Goodthighs.
(He picks up the phone.)
Feldman: Hello, Bob? … Hi, listen, this is Charlie Feldman … No, Charlie Feldman, not Marty … Anyway, I have a job for you if you’re interested … Well, it’s a James Bond poster. I believe that you’re the …. No, Harry and Cubby are fine as far as I know (Sighs.) … This one is called “Casino Royale” … Well, technically it’s David Niven …
No, no, not like that- Peter Sellers, Woody Allen, Ursula Andress are all Bond as well … Yes, really … No, I don’t expect you to have all their faces on the poster- in fact, I don’t want any faces at all! … Well, what I see is a girl, naked but covered in paint … What? Well, I hadn’t thought of gold paint but now that you mention it … Oh, I see, that’s been done. Oh well … It’s the sixties, we’re all psychedelic and groovy, baby- er, Bobby … Yes, cover her in psychedelic images, that’s right … No, from the back of course, we don’t want to get into any bother with the censor … Well, no, I hadn’t asked them … I don’t suppose Cubby and Harry would mind …
Secretary: (On intercom.) Mr Sellers is on line two, sir, he wants to speak to you immediately.
Feldman: (Sighs again.) Very well. Bob, listen, I’ll get back to you but just you start going to work on that, okay …. Peter, baby, what can I do for you?
Charmed & Dangerous said:
(I'm sure we all know the story, but if not: http://007magazine.co.uk/factfiles/factfiles_paperbacks_ohmss_photoshoots.htm)
That's astounding, I did not know about this American poster obscuring Bond's face and leaving out Lazenby's name. I think it really doesn't work, and betrays a lack of confidence in their new film at a time when spymania was already waning.
That 007magazine website is incredible: how did he get access to all those graphics? I'd already figured it was the best source of info on the PAN paperback artwork, but never found this article with the OHMSS photoshoots before.
caractacus, the man behind this is called Graham Rye and here's our interview with him: AJB Interview with Graham Rye — ajb007
He's been doing this for a long, long time and has connections and sources he may not be willing to divulge.
2012. Eon Productions, Publicity Department.
Bob Jr: (On Phone.) Yes, Mr Wilson …. Of course ….. Make him the main feature of the poster … Not like last time …. In fact, I was thinking of just having him alone …. Yes, I think so … Oh, yes, very modern and eye-catching … If you give me a couple of days, I’ll send you a rough version … All right, bye Mr Wilson.
Frank Jr: You’ve just agreed to send him a poster in a couple of days?
Bob Jr: Not quite…
(Sits at keyboard and bangs something out in about thirty seconds.)
Frank Jr: That’ll be good enough.
Bob Jr: Yeah. (Looks at watch.) Come on, the pub’s open in ten minutes.
I could say the writers are becoming poster boys for humor, but that would just show why they're better at this than I am. 🤓
Written by Barbel, Gymkata and C&D.
1983. Eon Productions, Publicity Department. A phone rings.
Bob: Ah hello again, Mr Broccoli, how are you? ... Yes sir, very much looking forward to the new film, and I believe the public will lap up the 'official' Bond this year...
A few changes? No problem... Oh... Exactly how many arms do you want her to have, Mr Broccoli? ... She definitely only had two the last time I painted her, for "The Man With The Golden Gun", and you didn't complain then... (He pauses to pour a large Scotch)
Yes she's definitely doing up that button, Mr Broccoli... No Mr Broccoli, she's definitely screwing on the silencer, I think that's all that's implied there.... Roger's legs? ... yes they do kind of... no, I know there's a circus in the movie, but I'm not trying to imply he's on stilts... (He pauses to sip his Scotch)
(Two months later. The phones rings again).
Bob: Hello? ... Yes Mr Broccoli, I did receive a call from Lairs Incorporated, I assumed you gave them my number... yes, that's definitely a good likeness of the photo they sent me of their man Pradeep ... no I'm afraid I don't get the in-joke either... Oh, I thought you said a circular STRAW! ... Yes, I thought it was strange, too... (now positively gluggng back the Scotch)
...Yes Mr Broccoli, I do know some leftover white space on either side... yes I guess I could throw a tiger in there or something else Indian... a casino? An Indian casino? ... yes I'm aware they have them in America... but aren't they American Indian casinos, Native American? ... yes Mr Broccoli, will do, I know Bond always goes to a casino...
Kristina Wayborn needs bigger boots for the Norwegian version, Mr Broccoli? But she isn't wearing ... oh sorry, I hear you now... yes, it's still the same old phone I was using back in '73... Ok thanks Mr Broccoli, will do, bye now.
Good point! 😂😂😂 The modern posters are way too minimalist for my liking too ...
C&D is too modest here- I only came up with a few suggestions.
While looking online at various Bond posters, I was reminded that back in the 70s the Bond movies were sometimes on double bills with non-Bond movies. This one made reasonable sense-
And this one less so-
(Though that was the most Bondlike of the Panthers). And then I came across this-
I was startled. Of all the films to pair with James Bond, someone thought "Mary Poppins" would be a good choice??? However, on closer examination it turned out that the two movies would be alternating rather than paired. Still, it's a weird combination!
Bond films were also paired with Clint Eastwood westerns quite a lot.
Great posts, guys, by the way 😁
Thanks, CHB! 😁
1983. “Hollywood Hair House, Wig Suppliers To The Rich And Famous”
Timmy: Quiet day, Charlie.
Charlie: Indeed, nothing happening today.
(The door opens and a familiar figure enters.)
Timmy: Hello again, Mr Connery.
Sean: Hello there, Timmy. Nice to shee you.
Charlie: Got another film then, Mr Connery?
Sean: Shertainly do, another Jamesh Bond movie.
Timmy: Another one? I thought you were finished with all that.
Sean: Yesh, well, sho did I. I’ll be needing another one of your finesht itemsh.
Charlie: No problem, sir. Perhaps this one here, from your last Bond film “Diamonds Are Forever”?
Sean: I think not, nobody liked that one.
Timmy: Then how about a classic, this one from “Goldfinger”?
Sean: I don’t think I could pull that off any more, that wash twenty yearsh ago.
Charlie: The “Zardoz” special?
Sean: Pleashe, be sherioush.
Timmy: The “Murder On The Orient Express” look?
Sean: Too ageing.
Charlie: This white brush, perfect with a neatly trimmed beard?
Sean: Not yet, but maybe shomeday if I’m ever in a shubmarine.
Timmy: Then how about this one here, as if a dead possum has fallen from out of a tree upon your head?
Sean: Perfect! I’ll take it now!
(Sean pays for the item.)
Timmy: Thank you very much, Mr Connery.
Sean: No problem.
Charlie: See you again, sir.
(Sean leaves.)
Charlie: I don’t know why you’re so nice to him, he’s very fussy.
Timmy: Quiet! He’s our best customer! Don't let him hear you, or there'll be hell toupee...
Sean Connery's authentic-sounding dialog reminds me...
(I just watched the Get Smart episode the other day where he meets The Craw, that's what's got me thinking)
...do you think perhaps Connery's first name is maybe something more like "Son", and we've been pronouncing it wrong all these years because nobody can understand him?
Definitely not! His first name is "Thomas". 😈😈😈
😂😂😂 good to see the return of those two industrious gents, Charlie and Timmy!
Written by C & D & me.
1967. Eon Productions, on a yacht off Gibraltar.
Harry: Cubby, get Bob on the line. Something I need to ask- why is Sean upside down?
Cubby: Whaddya mean, Harry?
Harry: He's wearing a tux and he's walking on the rungs of a ladder... upside down.
Cubby: Well, I like it.
Harry: Looking at it gives me...
Cubby: What, Harry?
Harry: A pain in the neck.
Cubby: (Under his breath) I know what that's like...
Eon Productions, Publicity Department. The telephone rings.
Bob: Hello…..Ah, hello Mr Saltzman….Yes, how do you like it? …. Your name’s missing? …. If you look carefully, you’ll see that it says “Presented By Albert R. Broccoli & Harry Saltzman” below the title … Yes, I know we usually put that first but you told me that you specifically wanted it to say “Sean Connery IS James Bond”, and it would look silly having your names presenting that … Well, of course I could change it to “Sean Connery as James Bond” and put your names back above that … I see, you want it that way because there’s another James Bond movie this year … Yes, I think I’ve heard about it, er, somewhere. (Whistles nonchalantly.)
A week later.
Harry: Cubby, get Bob on the line again. Something I need to ask.
Cubby: Ok, Harry. (Cubby reaches for the phone and starts dialling.) What is it this time?
Harry: I understand now why he's walking on the rungs of a ladder, upside down.
Cubby: It's called 'artistic licence', Harry.
Harry: What I want to know is...
Cubby: What, Harry?
Harry: Why's it look like he's about to get a rocket up his ass?
Cubby: (Under his breath.) I know someone who needs one of those...
In an otherwise quiet forum this thread is a side-splitting ray of light 😂
Thank you, N24. 😘