Guard: Mr Blofeld, there’s someone here to see you.
Blofeld: Oh yes?
Guard: Wants to ask you a few questions, I said you’d probably refuse.
Blofeld: What is his name?
Guard: Bond. James Bond.
(In the corridor.)
A Different Guard:Do not touch or approach the glass. You pass him nothing but soft paper. No pencils or pens. No staples or paperclips in his paper. Use the sliding food carrier. If he attempts to pass you anything, do not accept it. Do you understand me?
Bond: Yes, I understand.
(Bond walks down the corridor. The inmates there hiss at him. One quotes directly from the speeches of Boris Johnson. Finally Bond arrives at Blofeld’s cell.)
Blofeld: Good morning.
Bond: Mr Blofeld, my name is Bond, James Bond. May I speak with you?
Blofeld: You’re one of Gareth Mallory’s, aren’t you?
Bond: I am, yes.
Blofeld: May I see your credentials?
Bond: Certainly.
(He holds his credentials out for Blofeld to see.)
Blofeld: Closer, please. Closer.
(Blofeld sniffs the air as Bond moves closer.)
Blofeld: You use Pinaud Elixir shampoo. And sometimes you wear Floris Eau de Toilette. (Sniffs again.) But not today.
Bond: You see a lot, Blofeld. But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself? What about it? Why don't you look at yourself and write down what you see? Or maybe you're afraid to.
Blofeld: A Bond film ranker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a Vodka Martini.
Bond: Shaken, not stirred?
Blofeld: Of course. Now fly, Mr Bond, fly.
Bond: This is no time to-
Blofeld: Spare me the predictable puns. Look deep within yourself. And leave me to enjoy a quantum of silence.
This is by Gymkata, Barbel, and the last lines by Charmed & Dangerous.
2008. Inside a volcanic lair, Marc Forster is tensely riding a monorail when it comes to an abrupt stop.
Attendant: Welcome, Mr. Forster.
Forster: Thank you.
Attendant: This way, sir. They've been... expecting you.
(Forster follows, pensively looking around. He gets led into a large, circular room with no furniture.)
Forster: Hello? Um, hello?
Attendant: Just one moment, sir.
(Suddenly, a circular table and chairs rise from the floor. Michael Wilson, Barbara Broccoli, Neal Purvis and Robert Wade enter the room.)
BB: Marc, so good to meet you. Please, have a seat.
(Everyone sits.)
MGW: That’ll be all, Pradeep.
Attendant: Yes, sir.
(Pradeep leaves.)
BB: Now, Marc, tell us about this pitch that you have for the new film?
Forster: I think it’s time to make a Bond film like no other before it. I’d like to take James Bond to outer space and….
(He sees the heads shaking before him.)
MGW: We’ve done that, Marc, it was called “Moonraker”.
Forster: I see. Well, how about Bond thinks he has defeated the villain but in the last scene the villain suddenly re-appears, maybe in a car, and fires a gun shooting the girl Bond is with and…
(The heads shake again.)
BB: We’ve done that, too.
Forster: Right. How about James has just earned his 00 number and has to prove to M that he….
Purvis: Done that too.
Wade: Marc, please don’t take this the wrong way, but have you ever seen a James Bond movie?
Forster: Of course! The one with Fort Knox, and… um… the voodoo one, and…. er… there was one that was in India, wasn’t there?
MGW: (Whispers to BB.) Are we sure this is the right guy?
BB: (Whispers back.) Time’s running short, I don’t think we have a choice.
Forster: I’m looking forward to this, I’m sure I can make a good film for you.
MGW: Yes, I’m sure you will. Now, we’re making a different kind of film these days, not like the old Sean Connery or Roger Moore ones.
Forster: Sorry, Sean who?
(Eyes flicker around the table.)
BB: (Whispers to MGW.) I’m beginning to have my doubts.
MGW: (Back to BB.) Yes, me too.
Wade: Neal and I are trying to write a different kind of story this time.
Purvis: Yes, although we’re still keen on keeping as much of Ian Fleming’s material as we can.
Forster: Ian… Fleming?
BB: (To MGW.) Right, that’s it- who else have we got?
MGW: (To BB.) At this short notice? Only Lee Tamahori again.
BB: (To MGW.) Oh God…. (Aloud.) So, congratulations Marc, we’ll see you at Pinewood on Monday at 9am.
2019. Eon HQ, above a SPECTRE meeting place in Cuba. Michael G. Wilson & Barbara Broccoli (Producers), Neal Purvis & Robert Wade (Screenwriters). No Director- Danny Boyle has left after, um, creative differences and no replacement has as yet been appointed.
MGW: So, what do we have so far?
Purvis: Well, we’re continuing to work our way through James Bond’s extrapolated family. We had a mother figure in “Skyfall”, a brother figure in “Spectre”, and two separate wife figures in Vesper and Madeleine.
Wade: So, this time we go for the child figure.
BB: The child figure?
Purvis: Oh yes, it’s the only way to go.
Wade: And it has its basis in Fleming- at the end of “You Only Live Twice”, you'll remember that Kissy Suzuki is pregnant with Bond’s child but he doesn’t know that, and stricken with amnesia he leaves her to find his past.
Purvis: So we know he has a child. We plan to make that kid Madeleine’s, again unknown to Bond, until late in the story.
Wade: It means we have to have a gap of a few years after “Spectre”, but at the rate we’re going that shouldn’t be a problem.
BB: And then what? Do we kill the kid in a huge explosion?
(The door opens as she's saying that and Daniel Craig enters.)
Craig: No- we kill Bond!
MGW: (Dumbfounded.) Wha....?
Craig: (Calm but determined.) We kill Bond. I told you I don’t want to do any more Bond movies, so we kill Bond.
BB: ….Say that again?
Purvis: (Excitedly.) Yes, we kill Bond! Guaranteed tear-jerker from the audience.
Wade: And just to reinforce that, we use the music from OHMSS throughout the movie, with characters saying lines like “We have all the time in the world”.
MGW: ….Yes, but…
BB: I like it!
MGW: (Feeling like the only sane person in the room.) But, Barbara-
BB: It’ll work!
MGW: But what about Bond 26?
Craig: No problem- you just have to be careful to leave yourselves with enough wiggle room to bring him back. As long as the audience can't figure it out, they'll be arguing about it for years.
Purvis: Or start doing movies in the past- Bond in 1966, Bond in 1976, Bond in 1986- any year we haven’t had a previous movie.
Wade: (Thoughtfully.) Or, of course, we could always do the “Dallas” Bobby Ewing thing- it was all a dream.
MGW: (Knowing he's outnumbered, remembering that he's supposed to be the boss round here but also remembering that he's nearly eighty years old and genuinely getting too old for all this and beginning to think that the word "retirement" becomes more beautiful every day.) I don’t know….
2021. Q’s flat. Q is becoming more and more agitated as Moneypenny and James Bond work on his computer, helping themselves to wine from his immaculately-set table.
Q: Look, will you just please be careful?
Bond: So, Moneypenny, give me a hand here, will you?
Moneypenny: Of course, James.
Bond: And another glass of that wine couldn’t go amiss.
Moneypenny: Good idea, I think I’ll join you.
Q: (Getting desperate.) Please, not the wine! He’ll be here any minute!
Moneypenny: Here you are, James.
Bond: Thank you.
Moneypenny: Now shove up a bit so I can get into that keyboard.
Q: Oh please, it took me ages to get that perfect, please watch what you’re doing there!
Moneypenny: (At screen.) Look here, James.
Bond: Yes, I see.
Moneypenny: More wine?
Bond: Excellent idea.
Q: Please, don’t do that. Don’t disturb the flowers!
Bond: Cheers!
Moneypenny: Cheers!
(They drink while Q flusters.)
Moneypenny: (At screen.) Now, if you look at this here…
Bond: Yes, I-
(There is a knock at the door. Everyone freezes.)
Q: I….
Bond: Well, hurry up and answer the door, then.
(Q moves towards the door.)
Moneypenny: Yes, it wouldn’t do to keep Bill waiting….
(Q’s jaw hits the floor as he opens the door to admit Bill Tanner with a bouquet of roses in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other.)
Tanner: Ah… hello.
Q: You knew? Both of you knew?
Bond: Of course we knew- what we didn’t know was that it was supposed to be a secret!
2021. Train station, Matera. James is on the platform, Madeleine on the train.
Madeleine: When will I see you again?
James: You won’t.
(The train starts. James stands on the platform. Madeleine at first walks then runs through the carriages, desperate to keep him in view. Finally he’s gone. Madeleine turns, hiding a tear.)
Bigliettio: Tickets, please.
Madeleine: Sorry?
Bigliettio: Ticket, please, signora.
Madeleine: Oh, but…
(She gestures helplessly.)
Bigliettio: Then you must pay the fare. That will be….
(He begins to calculate.)
Madeleine: I don’t have the money.
Bigliettio: But I regret, signora, it’s impossible.
Madeleine: I regret, too, but I don’t have any money.
Voice in the background: Dame can’t pay up.
Elderly Australian Gentleman: (Leaning forward in his seat.) Forgive me, my mind was elsewhere.
(He hands some money over.)
Elderly Australian Gentleman: The signora has forgotten that we agreed to travel in partnership today. Please continue.
Voice in the background: Well, that’s a stroke of luck, being bailed out like that at the last minute.
(Madeleine stomps off towards the dining car.)
Elderly Australian Gentleman: (Looking straight at the audience.) This never happened to the other fella.
2020. Or quite possibly 2021. Cary Joji Fukunaga and Michael G. Wilson have just gone over the film “No Time To Die” with Hans Zimmer.
Cary: So, you’re sure you’ve got it, Hans?
Hans: Yes, yes, no problem. You want to start, of course, with “The James Bond Theme” which John Barry comp-
(MGW suddenly has a fit of coughing.)
Hans: ….er, arranged for “Dr. No”. Then as soon as we hear the line “all the time in the world” we start hearing the John Barry tune of that name.
Cary: Yes, from “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”. It should act as a bit of foreshadowing.
Hans: Then when Bond visits Vesper’s grave, we are to hear a little of Vesper’s theme, which David Arnold composed for “Casino Royale”.
MGW: Sounds right to me.
Hans: I can certainly slip in an instrumental version or two of the title song for this movie, which was written by Billie Eilish and her brother Fineas O’Connell.
Cary: Yes, of course.
Hans: Then when Bond talks to M on the embankment, you want John Barry’s actual theme from “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”.
MGW: Yes, but slowed down, like the version called “Over And Out” on the soundtrack album.
Hans: Got it. I slip in the Billie Eilish song instrumentally again, then have big climax music, and finish with Louis Armstrong singing “We Have All The Time In The World.”
Cary: That’s it.
Hans: Okay, I’ll get Ralph to work right away. And don’t forget to get my credit right.
2021. An Aston Martin heads for a tunnel. Inside are Madeleine Swann and her daughter, Mathilde.
Madeleine: I’m going to tell you a story about a man. His name was Bond. James Bond.
(Two weeks later. Madeleine is tucking Mathilde in bed.)
Mathilde: Tell me the one about going to outer space again!
Madeleine: No, something better.
Mathilde: Oh, Mama, please, not the one about the casino again!
Madeleine: But that’s a good one.
Mathilde: You’ve told me that three times- once when he was an American called Jimmy, once when he was retired and called Sir James (I didn’t really understand that one), and once when he had just been given his special number.
Madeleine: Well, how about one in Bolivia?
Mathilde: The one about the water? I didn’t like that, it was too short and too jumpy.
Madeleine: Well, let me tell you the one about a big volcano in Japan, which opens up to swallow a rocket and-
Mathilde: You’ve told me that one!
Madeleine: How about the one about a dragon on a Caribbean island?
Mathilde: Heard it! I want the one where he goes to outer space!
Madeleine:All right, all right. (One last try.) Are you sure I can’t tell you about the man with three nipples and a gun made out of-
Mathilde: No!
Madeleine: (Sighing.) Okay, the outer space one again. Well, it all started….
Comments
Looks like a retrofit. Pradeep probably assigned the work to interns.
It did look a bit like a multi-story car park tbh. Dr No's lair looked better than that 60 years ago.
😂😂😂😂 Hey, that part about being born and staring death in the face sounded familiar....
Ah, lovely to see Timmy, Charlie, and Pradeep again. Almost made me weep, but this is, obviously, no time to cry.
😂😂😂
2021. Belmarsh Prison.
Guard: Mr Blofeld, there’s someone here to see you.
Blofeld: Oh yes?
Guard: Wants to ask you a few questions, I said you’d probably refuse.
Blofeld: What is his name?
Guard: Bond. James Bond.
(In the corridor.)
A Different Guard: Do not touch or approach the glass. You pass him nothing but soft paper. No pencils or pens. No staples or paperclips in his paper. Use the sliding food carrier. If he attempts to pass you anything, do not accept it. Do you understand me?
Bond: Yes, I understand.
(Bond walks down the corridor. The inmates there hiss at him. One quotes directly from the speeches of Boris Johnson. Finally Bond arrives at Blofeld’s cell.)
Blofeld: Good morning.
Bond: Mr Blofeld, my name is Bond, James Bond. May I speak with you?
Blofeld: You’re one of Gareth Mallory’s, aren’t you?
Bond: I am, yes.
Blofeld: May I see your credentials?
Bond: Certainly.
(He holds his credentials out for Blofeld to see.)
Blofeld: Closer, please. Closer.
(Blofeld sniffs the air as Bond moves closer.)
Blofeld: You use Pinaud Elixir shampoo. And sometimes you wear Floris Eau de Toilette. (Sniffs again.) But not today.
Bond: You see a lot, Blofeld. But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself? What about it? Why don't you look at yourself and write down what you see? Or maybe you're afraid to.
Blofeld: A Bond film ranker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a Vodka Martini.
Bond: Shaken, not stirred?
Blofeld: Of course. Now fly, Mr Bond, fly.
Bond: This is no time to-
Blofeld: Spare me the predictable puns. Look deep within yourself. And leave me to enjoy a quantum of silence.
😂😂😂
Ewe scored a winner there, Barbel...
I wonder if he believes there's such a thing as a perfectly boiled Bond ranker. 🙂🙂🙂
🤣🤣🤣
This is by Gymkata, Barbel, and the last lines by Charmed & Dangerous.
2008. Inside a volcanic lair, Marc Forster is tensely riding a monorail when it comes to an abrupt stop.
Attendant: Welcome, Mr. Forster.
Forster: Thank you.
Attendant: This way, sir. They've been... expecting you.
(Forster follows, pensively looking around. He gets led into a large, circular room with no furniture.)
Forster: Hello? Um, hello?
Attendant: Just one moment, sir.
(Suddenly, a circular table and chairs rise from the floor. Michael Wilson, Barbara Broccoli, Neal Purvis and Robert Wade enter the room.)
BB: Marc, so good to meet you. Please, have a seat.
(Everyone sits.)
MGW: That’ll be all, Pradeep.
Attendant: Yes, sir.
(Pradeep leaves.)
BB: Now, Marc, tell us about this pitch that you have for the new film?
Forster: I think it’s time to make a Bond film like no other before it. I’d like to take James Bond to outer space and….
(He sees the heads shaking before him.)
MGW: We’ve done that, Marc, it was called “Moonraker”.
Forster: I see. Well, how about Bond thinks he has defeated the villain but in the last scene the villain suddenly re-appears, maybe in a car, and fires a gun shooting the girl Bond is with and…
(The heads shake again.)
BB: We’ve done that, too.
Forster: Right. How about James has just earned his 00 number and has to prove to M that he….
Purvis: Done that too.
Wade: Marc, please don’t take this the wrong way, but have you ever seen a James Bond movie?
Forster: Of course! The one with Fort Knox, and… um… the voodoo one, and…. er… there was one that was in India, wasn’t there?
MGW: (Whispers to BB.) Are we sure this is the right guy?
BB: (Whispers back.) Time’s running short, I don’t think we have a choice.
Forster: I’m looking forward to this, I’m sure I can make a good film for you.
MGW: Yes, I’m sure you will. Now, we’re making a different kind of film these days, not like the old Sean Connery or Roger Moore ones.
Forster: Sorry, Sean who?
(Eyes flicker around the table.)
BB: (Whispers to MGW.) I’m beginning to have my doubts.
MGW: (Back to BB.) Yes, me too.
Wade: Neal and I are trying to write a different kind of story this time.
Purvis: Yes, although we’re still keen on keeping as much of Ian Fleming’s material as we can.
Forster: Ian… Fleming?
BB: (To MGW.) Right, that’s it- who else have we got?
MGW: (To BB.) At this short notice? Only Lee Tamahori again.
BB: (To MGW.) Oh God…. (Aloud.) So, congratulations Marc, we’ll see you at Pinewood on Monday at 9am.
(Forster leaves, and MGW turns to BB).
MGW: C'mon Barbara, I need a Martini.
BB: Or six of them...
Wade: Hey, we can use that! Did you get it, Neal?
Purvis: (Scribbling away.) I got it.
😂😂😂
2019. Eon HQ, above a SPECTRE meeting place in Cuba. Michael G. Wilson & Barbara Broccoli (Producers), Neal Purvis & Robert Wade (Screenwriters). No Director- Danny Boyle has left after, um, creative differences and no replacement has as yet been appointed.
MGW: So, what do we have so far?
Purvis: Well, we’re continuing to work our way through James Bond’s extrapolated family. We had a mother figure in “Skyfall”, a brother figure in “Spectre”, and two separate wife figures in Vesper and Madeleine.
Wade: So, this time we go for the child figure.
BB: The child figure?
Purvis: Oh yes, it’s the only way to go.
Wade: And it has its basis in Fleming- at the end of “You Only Live Twice”, you'll remember that Kissy Suzuki is pregnant with Bond’s child but he doesn’t know that, and stricken with amnesia he leaves her to find his past.
Purvis: So we know he has a child. We plan to make that kid Madeleine’s, again unknown to Bond, until late in the story.
Wade: It means we have to have a gap of a few years after “Spectre”, but at the rate we’re going that shouldn’t be a problem.
BB: And then what? Do we kill the kid in a huge explosion?
(The door opens as she's saying that and Daniel Craig enters.)
Craig: No- we kill Bond!
MGW: (Dumbfounded.) Wha....?
Craig: (Calm but determined.) We kill Bond. I told you I don’t want to do any more Bond movies, so we kill Bond.
BB: ….Say that again?
Purvis: (Excitedly.) Yes, we kill Bond! Guaranteed tear-jerker from the audience.
Wade: And just to reinforce that, we use the music from OHMSS throughout the movie, with characters saying lines like “We have all the time in the world”.
MGW: ….Yes, but…
BB: I like it!
MGW: (Feeling like the only sane person in the room.) But, Barbara-
BB: It’ll work!
MGW: But what about Bond 26?
Craig: No problem- you just have to be careful to leave yourselves with enough wiggle room to bring him back. As long as the audience can't figure it out, they'll be arguing about it for years.
Purvis: Or start doing movies in the past- Bond in 1966, Bond in 1976, Bond in 1986- any year we haven’t had a previous movie.
Wade: (Thoughtfully.) Or, of course, we could always do the “Dallas” Bobby Ewing thing- it was all a dream.
MGW: (Knowing he's outnumbered, remembering that he's supposed to be the boss round here but also remembering that he's nearly eighty years old and genuinely getting too old for all this and beginning to think that the word "retirement" becomes more beautiful every day.) I don’t know….
BB: Yes, I do- let’s go for it!
😂😂😂
😬 Barbel, have you been bugging EON HQ again?
😈 I'm afraid so, it's too tempting to stop!
2021. Q’s flat. Q is becoming more and more agitated as Moneypenny and James Bond work on his computer, helping themselves to wine from his immaculately-set table.
Q: Look, will you just please be careful?
Bond: So, Moneypenny, give me a hand here, will you?
Moneypenny: Of course, James.
Bond: And another glass of that wine couldn’t go amiss.
Moneypenny: Good idea, I think I’ll join you.
Q: (Getting desperate.) Please, not the wine! He’ll be here any minute!
Moneypenny: Here you are, James.
Bond: Thank you.
Moneypenny: Now shove up a bit so I can get into that keyboard.
Q: Oh please, it took me ages to get that perfect, please watch what you’re doing there!
Moneypenny: (At screen.) Look here, James.
Bond: Yes, I see.
Moneypenny: More wine?
Bond: Excellent idea.
Q: Please, don’t do that. Don’t disturb the flowers!
Bond: Cheers!
Moneypenny: Cheers!
(They drink while Q flusters.)
Moneypenny: (At screen.) Now, if you look at this here…
Bond: Yes, I-
(There is a knock at the door. Everyone freezes.)
Q: I….
Bond: Well, hurry up and answer the door, then.
(Q moves towards the door.)
Moneypenny: Yes, it wouldn’t do to keep Bill waiting….
(Q’s jaw hits the floor as he opens the door to admit Bill Tanner with a bouquet of roses in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other.)
Tanner: Ah… hello.
Q: You knew? Both of you knew?
Bond: Of course we knew- what we didn’t know was that it was supposed to be a secret!
@Barbel That is absolutely brilliant. Bravo.
Thank you!
😂😂😂
So that's what the trailers meant by 'this changes everything'?
Could be....
2021. Train station, Matera. James is on the platform, Madeleine on the train.
Madeleine: When will I see you again?
James: You won’t.
(The train starts. James stands on the platform. Madeleine at first walks then runs through the carriages, desperate to keep him in view. Finally he’s gone. Madeleine turns, hiding a tear.)
Bigliettio: Tickets, please.
Madeleine: Sorry?
Bigliettio: Ticket, please, signora.
Madeleine: Oh, but…
(She gestures helplessly.)
Bigliettio: Then you must pay the fare. That will be….
(He begins to calculate.)
Madeleine: I don’t have the money.
Bigliettio: But I regret, signora, it’s impossible.
Madeleine: I regret, too, but I don’t have any money.
Voice in the background: Dame can’t pay up.
Elderly Australian Gentleman: (Leaning forward in his seat.) Forgive me, my mind was elsewhere.
(He hands some money over.)
Elderly Australian Gentleman: The signora has forgotten that we agreed to travel in partnership today. Please continue.
Voice in the background: Well, that’s a stroke of luck, being bailed out like that at the last minute.
(Madeleine stomps off towards the dining car.)
Elderly Australian Gentleman: (Looking straight at the audience.) This never happened to the other fella.
(Titles start.)
Barbel,that was fantastic and very, very appropriate.
Thank you both very much.
😂😂😂 How do you keep dreaming up these brilliant imaginary conversations?
I wish I knew!
There's definitely a place for you in EON's writing team (but you'd probably have to relocate to their secret lair within a volcano).
With pleasure, C&D. With pleasure.
2020. Or quite possibly 2021. Cary Joji Fukunaga and Michael G. Wilson have just gone over the film “No Time To Die” with Hans Zimmer.
Cary: So, you’re sure you’ve got it, Hans?
Hans: Yes, yes, no problem. You want to start, of course, with “The James Bond Theme” which John Barry comp-
(MGW suddenly has a fit of coughing.)
Hans: ….er, arranged for “Dr. No”. Then as soon as we hear the line “all the time in the world” we start hearing the John Barry tune of that name.
Cary: Yes, from “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”. It should act as a bit of foreshadowing.
Hans: Then when Bond visits Vesper’s grave, we are to hear a little of Vesper’s theme, which David Arnold composed for “Casino Royale”.
MGW: Sounds right to me.
Hans: I can certainly slip in an instrumental version or two of the title song for this movie, which was written by Billie Eilish and her brother Fineas O’Connell.
Cary: Yes, of course.
Hans: Then when Bond talks to M on the embankment, you want John Barry’s actual theme from “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”.
MGW: Yes, but slowed down, like the version called “Over And Out” on the soundtrack album.
Hans: Got it. I slip in the Billie Eilish song instrumentally again, then have big climax music, and finish with Louis Armstrong singing “We Have All The Time In The World.”
Cary: That’s it.
Hans: Okay, I’ll get Ralph to work right away. And don’t forget to get my credit right.
MGW: “Music by Hans Zimmer”?
Hans: That’s it.
Barbel, that hits too close to the truth to be considered imaginary.
😂😂😂 Glad to see Pradeep back again, Gymkata!
Ssh, I don't want Eon finding my secret microphone.....
2021. An Aston Martin heads for a tunnel. Inside are Madeleine Swann and her daughter, Mathilde.
Madeleine: I’m going to tell you a story about a man. His name was Bond. James Bond.
(Two weeks later. Madeleine is tucking Mathilde in bed.)
Mathilde: Tell me the one about going to outer space again!
Madeleine: No, something better.
Mathilde: Oh, Mama, please, not the one about the casino again!
Madeleine: But that’s a good one.
Mathilde: You’ve told me that three times- once when he was an American called Jimmy, once when he was retired and called Sir James (I didn’t really understand that one), and once when he had just been given his special number.
Madeleine: Well, how about one in Bolivia?
Mathilde: The one about the water? I didn’t like that, it was too short and too jumpy.
Madeleine: Well, let me tell you the one about a big volcano in Japan, which opens up to swallow a rocket and-
Mathilde: You’ve told me that one!
Madeleine: How about the one about a dragon on a Caribbean island?
Mathilde: Heard it! I want the one where he goes to outer space!
Madeleine: All right, all right. (One last try.) Are you sure I can’t tell you about the man with three nipples and a gun made out of-
Mathilde: No!
Madeleine: (Sighing.) Okay, the outer space one again. Well, it all started….