2012. Eon HQ, underneath a gondola in Venice. Barbara Broccoli & Michael G. Wilson (Producers), Sam Mendes (Director), Robert Wade & Neal Purvis (Screenwriters).
MGW: So, Silva is relying on Q plugging his laptop into MI6’s main system, without doing any checks or safety precautions?
Purvis: That’s right.
BB: And Q, a world-class computer geek, is going to do just that?
Wade: Absolutely.
MGW: Then the cell Silva’s in will open, but the two guards with guns don’t shoot him so he overcomes them?
Purvis: That’s what we’re going with.
Mendes: And he assumes James Bond will chase after him- ok, maybe that’s fair enough, but he has two men dressed as policemen pass him with exact timing, giving him a police uniform.
Wade: Sure.
BB: Then when Bond does catch up with him, he has a perfectly timed train crash through their chamber so he can escape?
Purvis: Is that a problem?
MGW: And he knows exactly where M’s inquiry is being held, and exactly the security arrangements there?
Wade: But of course he does.
Purvis: Look, we’re already asking the audience to believe that Bond survived the fall from the train earlier, with a bullet in him.
Wade: Not to mention radioactive shrapnel from Patrice.
MGW: I don’t know…
BB: Hell, ten years ago they believed Jinx was a good enough character for a spin-off! I say let’s go for it!
As part of a plan for a new shopping mall, the gasworks at Beckton were today demolished in a planned explosion. At the base of the chimney tower the skeleton of a man was found dressed in a rotting collarless suit.
“We have no idea how he got here”, said a spokesman. “It’s unlikely that he climbed up the outside of the chimney since he was in the remains of a wheelchair, fitted with a dated remote control unit.”
Found beside the skeleton was that of a cat, which seemed to have….
Eon Productions say they are confident that their film “No Time To Die” will be released this November. Producers Gregg Wilson and Angelica Broccoli said…
It is with great regret that we are obliged to report the sad death of veteran schoolteacher Mrs Whistler. Much loved by generations of schoolchildren, her death in Amsterdam was confirmed this morning.
We asked her only known living relative, her mother, if she could tell us what her daughter had been doing in Amsterdam
but Mrs Whistler’s mother was unable to help.
A package of photographs has been delivered to the school, postmarked Amsterdam, and it is hoped that the schoolchildren find some consolation in seeing pictures of the canals….
Trevor: And finally…reports are coming in that a Commander James Bond, who was recently declared dead, has been found safe and well in a dinghy off a volcanic island in Japan. Apparently he had been disguised as a local fisherman, and was with a Japanese woman who the press have dubbed Kissy Suzuki, though Commander Bond confirmed that he has no idea of her real name as it was not mentioned at any time during their apparent adventures together, which included averting World War Three, where master criminal Ernst Stavro Blofeld was running operations in a hollowed out volcano which had been built without knowledge of any of the local population. Police are looking for a man called Pradeep who may be able to help with their inquiries. Goodnight…(smiles at camera, shuffling his papers).
Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
1987. A concert hall. John Glen is filming the concluding scenes of “The Living Daylights” with Maryam d’Abo as Kara and John Barry playing the orchestra conductor.
John Barry: I’m a bit nervous about this, John. I’m not an actor, I’m a musician.
John Glen: Nothing to it- you just conduct the orchestra like you would do if we weren’t filming. You’ve done this before, haven’t you?
Barry: Well, yes, but that was twenty years ago.
Glen: And I’ve got Kara Milovy at the front of the orchestra playing cello. The cello was important earlier in the plot, so I want to bring everything full circle by having it featured here at the end of the movie.
Barry: All right, we’ll give it a try.
(Maryam d’Abo, playing Kara, sits in position holding the cello with a bullet hole as seen earlier.)
2nd Cellist: (Whispering.) We’re supposed to believe that’s a Strad?
3rd Cellist: (Whispering.) And we’re supposed to believe it’ll still sound all right with a bullet hole in it? (Snorts.)
2nd Cellist: (Whispering.) And look at her hands- we’re supposed to believe she’s really playing?
Barry: That’s enough, you two, get down to work.
2nd Cellist: Oh yes, certainly, Mr Norman.
Barry: Grrrr…..
3rd Cellist: Anything you say, Mr Norman.
Barry: Aaaarrghh!
2nd Cellist: That’s interesting, I’ve never actually seen a man’s head explode before.
Concerns have been raised over the quality of vehicles used by the police after one has been found detached from its underchassis outside the capital city. The official explanation of “salt corrosion” has not been accepted by critics.
Reports of a second police vehicle being pulled out of a frozen lake have been denied by senior police officers, and the activity in the area described as merely a “training exercise”.
Unconfirmed reports of more vehicles being destroyed are….
Members of the public fled in panic yesterday as a military tank broke out of its parking enclosure and ran amok, damaging several historic buildings in the process. Nineteenth-century architecture was reduced to rubble as the tank led police cars on a high-speed chase towards the railway yards.
Unconfirmed reports that several police and military vehicles were, in fact, destroyed in the pursuit have been denied by the authorities, who were quick to reassure the public that that the tank’s army driver merely “got a bit lost.”
Nonetheless, questions are being asked as to how this accident was allowed to occur. Government sources claim…(see page 5.)
Trevor: And finally…Commander James Bond, who has appeared in news items on this programme before, came to the rescue of a Countess who had gambled and lost a significant amount of money to a rich looking gambler. Commander Bond paid the debt for her when she confessed that she had bet without the means to cover the bet. The rich looking gambler was quoted as saying that, although I look rich, I was on a lucky streak, my name is Kurt, and I am in fact only a chef who is taking up an appointment at a hotel in Torquay, England run by a Mister Fawlty, to provide special gourmet night dinners. Commander Bond was apparently heard muttering “this never happened to the other fella”…goodnight (smiles at camera, shuffling his papers).
Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
San Francisco ground to a halt last night, as traffic was held up by what appeared to be a high-speed chase involving a stolen fire truck and a number of police cars. The incident is rumoured to be related to the powerful fire which broke out at City Hall earlier that same evening, leading to fire department crews rushing to tackle the blaze.
Unconfirmed eyewitness reports claim that a man could be seen hanging from the ladder of the fire truck during the pursuit, while police detectives suspect that an English tourist may be responsible for the mayhem. A local sheriff told reporters that, “He’s armed, and he’s sure dangerous…” Members of the public are being warned not to approach the apparently unthreatening middle-aged man, who gave his name to the police when challenged as ‘James Bond.’ Police sources claim that he was aided in his daring escape by a female accomplice, who can be identified only by her distinctive high-pitched screaming. The FBI have released a statement…(see page 6.)
In Other Stories:
Renowned horse racing expert found dead- page 3
French authorities hunt mysterious Eiffel Tower parachutist- page 5
PLUS: We interview local businessman Max Zorin on the secrets of his success
The anticipated arrival of two visitors has at last been confirmed by Sister Rose. “We simply didn’t know when to expect them”, said the much loved Sister. “First it was teatime yesterday, and then dinner”.
A third expected visitor has not arrived, but no-one is getting burned up about it. A memorial service for Professor Dent might be held later today, if enough mourners can be found. Rumours that our feared dragon has suffered some injuries have been…
(Most of this comes from direct quotes or paraphrases.)
5th October 1962.
In the bar of the London Pavilion, after the premiere of “Dr No”.
Ian Fleming: ….and make sure it is shaken, not stirred.
Barman: Yes sir, got that.
Terence Young: Well, hello Ian. I was fairly sure I’d find you here.
Fleming: Drowning my sorrows, perhaps?
Young: Oh, it’s not that bad surely.
(The barman arrives with Fleming’s drink.)
Young: My friend, bring me one as well. Hold the fruit.
Barman: Yes sir.
Young: So, what did you think of Connery now you’ve seen him in the part?
Fleming: Not my idea of Bond- but he would be if I were to write the books over again.
Young: I knew you’d be convinced.
(The barman arrives with Young’s drink.)
Fleming: I was looking for the giant squid at the end, and it didn’t appear!
Young: Simply budget, dear boy, simply budget. I would have loved to have Ray Harryhausen come up with that, but it sadly wasn’t possible.
Fleming: I was very happy with Ursula Andress, I must say.
Young: Yes, I thought you might be.
Fleming: You kept that part very close to my book.
Young: Oh yes.
Fleming: Except…
Young: Except what?
Fleming: Well, in the book she’s naked.
Young: (Scoffing.) There is no way that would pass the censor!
Fleming: I suppose not.
Young: Did you like Felix Leiter?
Fleming: Well, the actor was fine but Felix isn’t in that book!
Young: I know, but we’re launching a series and we had to introduce him.
Fleming: Miss Moneypenny was excellent- when I visualised Miss Moneypenny in the James Bond stories, I saw her as a tall, distinguished-looking woman with the most kissable lips in the world. She, dear boy, was exactly the woman I visualised.
Young: Well, I’m glad we got that right. So, what do you think overall?
Fleming: Those who’ve read the book will be disappointed. But those who haven’t will find it a wonderful film.
Young: I hesitate to ask, but did you like our Dr No?
Comments
😀😀😀
2012. Eon HQ, underneath a gondola in Venice. Barbara Broccoli & Michael G. Wilson (Producers), Sam Mendes (Director), Robert Wade & Neal Purvis (Screenwriters).
MGW: So, Silva is relying on Q plugging his laptop into MI6’s main system, without doing any checks or safety precautions?
Purvis: That’s right.
BB: And Q, a world-class computer geek, is going to do just that?
Wade: Absolutely.
MGW: Then the cell Silva’s in will open, but the two guards with guns don’t shoot him so he overcomes them?
Purvis: That’s what we’re going with.
Mendes: And he assumes James Bond will chase after him- ok, maybe that’s fair enough, but he has two men dressed as policemen pass him with exact timing, giving him a police uniform.
Wade: Sure.
BB: Then when Bond does catch up with him, he has a perfectly timed train crash through their chamber so he can escape?
Purvis: Is that a problem?
MGW: And he knows exactly where M’s inquiry is being held, and exactly the security arrangements there?
Wade: But of course he does.
Purvis: Look, we’re already asking the audience to believe that Bond survived the fall from the train earlier, with a bullet in him.
Wade: Not to mention radioactive shrapnel from Patrice.
MGW: I don’t know…
BB: Hell, ten years ago they believed Jinx was a good enough character for a spin-off! I say let’s go for it!
Are you trying to tell is some bad disicions we're made making SPECTRE? 😱
Er... no.
Yes.... right. 🤯
Although I definitely believe that is true.
2041
LONDON TIMES
Famous Landmark Demolished
As part of a plan for a new shopping mall, the gasworks at Beckton were today demolished in a planned explosion. At the base of the chimney tower the skeleton of a man was found dressed in a rotting collarless suit.
“We have no idea how he got here”, said a spokesman. “It’s unlikely that he climbed up the outside of the chimney since he was in the remains of a wheelchair, fitted with a dated remote control unit.”
Found beside the skeleton was that of a cat, which seemed to have….
(Continued on Page 6)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Entertainment News
Eon Productions say they are confident that their film “No Time To Die” will be released this November. Producers Gregg Wilson and Angelica Broccoli said…
(Continued on Page 7)
😂😂😂
Thank you, guys.
1971
SOUTH AFRICAN SUN
Much loved schoolteacher dies
It is with great regret that we are obliged to report the sad death of veteran schoolteacher Mrs Whistler. Much loved by generations of schoolchildren, her death in Amsterdam was confirmed this morning.
We asked her only known living relative, her mother, if she could tell us what her daughter had been doing in Amsterdam
but Mrs Whistler’s mother was unable to help.
A package of photographs has been delivered to the school, postmarked Amsterdam, and it is hoped that the schoolchildren find some consolation in seeing pictures of the canals….
(Continued on Page 6)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
In other news:
Desert debris from helicopter suggests explosion- Page 3
Vacancy for dentist at local diamond mine- Page 4
Vacancy for schoolteacher- Page 5
Wonderful, as usual, Barbel!
NEWS AT TEN - Sometime in 1967
Trevor: And finally…reports are coming in that a Commander James Bond, who was recently declared dead, has been found safe and well in a dinghy off a volcanic island in Japan. Apparently he had been disguised as a local fisherman, and was with a Japanese woman who the press have dubbed Kissy Suzuki, though Commander Bond confirmed that he has no idea of her real name as it was not mentioned at any time during their apparent adventures together, which included averting World War Three, where master criminal Ernst Stavro Blofeld was running operations in a hollowed out volcano which had been built without knowledge of any of the local population. Police are looking for a man called Pradeep who may be able to help with their inquiries. Goodnight…(smiles at camera, shuffling his papers).
No Pradeep??? 😱
Nice one, CHB.
1987. A concert hall. John Glen is filming the concluding scenes of “The Living Daylights” with Maryam d’Abo as Kara and John Barry playing the orchestra conductor.
John Barry: I’m a bit nervous about this, John. I’m not an actor, I’m a musician.
John Glen: Nothing to it- you just conduct the orchestra like you would do if we weren’t filming. You’ve done this before, haven’t you?
Barry: Well, yes, but that was twenty years ago.
Glen: And I’ve got Kara Milovy at the front of the orchestra playing cello. The cello was important earlier in the plot, so I want to bring everything full circle by having it featured here at the end of the movie.
Barry: All right, we’ll give it a try.
(Maryam d’Abo, playing Kara, sits in position holding the cello with a bullet hole as seen earlier.)
2nd Cellist: (Whispering.) We’re supposed to believe that’s a Strad?
3rd Cellist: (Whispering.) And we’re supposed to believe it’ll still sound all right with a bullet hole in it? (Snorts.)
2nd Cellist: (Whispering.) And look at her hands- we’re supposed to believe she’s really playing?
Barry: That’s enough, you two, get down to work.
2nd Cellist: Oh yes, certainly, Mr Norman.
Barry: Grrrr…..
3rd Cellist: Anything you say, Mr Norman.
Barry: Aaaarrghh!
2nd Cellist: That’s interesting, I’ve never actually seen a man’s head explode before.
1985. Set of “A View To A Kill”.
John Glen: Right, everybody in place in five minutes please.
BB: Oh no, does that mean….?
MGW: Yes, I’m afraid so.
BB: But I’m scared! Dad, please, help me out!
Cubby: You’re here to learn the ropes, Barbara. You’re an assistant director, and this is part of an assistant director’s job.
BB: Michael, please, you do it.
MGW: I’ve worked my way up, Barbara, this is your turn.
BB: Yes, but you only had Jaws to worry about- this is much scarier.
MGW: Nope, you have to do it.
BB: (Little girl voice.) Oh Daddy, Daddy, you do it for me.
(Cubby just looks at her.)
BB: (Sighs.) All right…
(She goes to a trailer door and timidly knocks.)
BB: Miss Jones? You’re wanted on set.
I imagine that's pretty much how it happened. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Well, I don't know if she complained to her father and brother but BB didn't enjoy being assigned to Grace Jones.
1987
BRATISLAVA BUGLE
Concerns raised over quality of police vehicles
Concerns have been raised over the quality of vehicles used by the police after one has been found detached from its underchassis outside the capital city. The official explanation of “salt corrosion” has not been accepted by critics.
Reports of a second police vehicle being pulled out of a frozen lake have been denied by senior police officers, and the activity in the area described as merely a “training exercise”.
Unconfirmed reports of more vehicles being destroyed are….
(Continued on Page 6)
------------------------------------------------------------------
In Other News:
Cello case found in telephone box- Page 3
KGB General visits city on “fact-finding mission”- Page 4
Local orchestra seeks new member- Page 5
1995. ST. PETERSBURG TIMES
Tank Causes Chaos In City Streets
Members of the public fled in panic yesterday as a military tank broke out of its parking enclosure and ran amok, damaging several historic buildings in the process. Nineteenth-century architecture was reduced to rubble as the tank led police cars on a high-speed chase towards the railway yards.
Unconfirmed reports that several police and military vehicles were, in fact, destroyed in the pursuit have been denied by the authorities, who were quick to reassure the public that that the tank’s army driver merely “got a bit lost.”
Nonetheless, questions are being asked as to how this accident was allowed to occur. Government sources claim…(see page 5.)
In Other Stories:
Military train crashes in countryside- Page 4
Defence Minister found dead- Page 6
Computer programmer missing- Page 8
"The spectre of defeat..."
Barbel is up to his usual high standards while SpectreOfDefeat shows a a lot of promise. 😁
Yes, I enjoyed that, SoD. Please, do another!
ITV NEWS AT TEN - Sometime in 1969
Trevor: And finally…Commander James Bond, who has appeared in news items on this programme before, came to the rescue of a Countess who had gambled and lost a significant amount of money to a rich looking gambler. Commander Bond paid the debt for her when she confessed that she had bet without the means to cover the bet. The rich looking gambler was quoted as saying that, although I look rich, I was on a lucky streak, my name is Kurt, and I am in fact only a chef who is taking up an appointment at a hotel in Torquay, England run by a Mister Fawlty, to provide special gourmet night dinners. Commander Bond was apparently heard muttering “this never happened to the other fella”…goodnight (smiles at camera, shuffling his papers).
CHB, would this Mister Fawlty have a twin brother who worked for the British Government around the turn of the century?
1985. SAN FRANCISCO STAR
Foreign Felon Flees Fire Truck Fiasco
San Francisco ground to a halt last night, as traffic was held up by what appeared to be a high-speed chase involving a stolen fire truck and a number of police cars. The incident is rumoured to be related to the powerful fire which broke out at City Hall earlier that same evening, leading to fire department crews rushing to tackle the blaze.
Unconfirmed eyewitness reports claim that a man could be seen hanging from the ladder of the fire truck during the pursuit, while police detectives suspect that an English tourist may be responsible for the mayhem. A local sheriff told reporters that, “He’s armed, and he’s sure dangerous…” Members of the public are being warned not to approach the apparently unthreatening middle-aged man, who gave his name to the police when challenged as ‘James Bond.’ Police sources claim that he was aided in his daring escape by a female accomplice, who can be identified only by her distinctive high-pitched screaming. The FBI have released a statement…(see page 6.)
In Other Stories:
Renowned horse racing expert found dead- page 3
French authorities hunt mysterious Eiffel Tower parachutist- page 5
PLUS: We interview local businessman Max Zorin on the secrets of his success
"The spectre of defeat..."
😁😁😁 Loved the alliteration.
I wish I’d thought of that!
Did Dr No actually request the concave window in his lair making the fish look big or did our good friend Pradeep get into trouble, I wonder?
1962
CRAB KEY CHRONICLE
Much awaited visitors finally arrive.
The anticipated arrival of two visitors has at last been confirmed by Sister Rose. “We simply didn’t know when to expect them”, said the much loved Sister. “First it was teatime yesterday, and then dinner”.
A third expected visitor has not arrived, but no-one is getting burned up about it. A memorial service for Professor Dent might be held later today, if enough mourners can be found. Rumours that our feared dragon has suffered some injuries have been…
(Continued on Page 6)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
In Other News:
New megaphone ordered for boat patrol- Page 3
Extra soap provided for decontamination area- Page 4
“I built all this with my own two hands”: Interview with Dr No- Page 5
😂😂😂 Nice gif!
Well, since we're on this film...
1962
Felix: Ahoy, Mr Bond! Ahoy, Mr Bond!
Bond: Well, well. What’s the matter? Do you need help?
Felix: (Noticing Honey.) I’m quite sure you don’t.
Bond: Now that you’re here, you better give us a tow.
Felix: Throw us your line.
(Bond throws a line to Felix’s boat, but as they speed up Bond lets the line run out of his hands as he begins to kiss Honey. Some music swells, and…)
Felix: Hey, James! Pay attention here!
Bond: What?
Felix: I’m going to throw you another line, and this time make it secure!
Bond: Oh, yes, of course.
(Felix throws a line and this time watches as Bond makes it secure.)
Felix: Right, this time, no mistakes.
Bond: But of course.
(He begins to pay attention to Honey again.)
Felix: James!
Bond: (Interrupted.) What?
Felix: Where’s Quarrel?
Bond: Ah….
The Jamaican Chronicle and the Crab Key Chronicle (a local paper for very local people) are periodicals of note! 🤣🤣🤣
(Most of this comes from direct quotes or paraphrases.)
5th October 1962.
In the bar of the London Pavilion, after the premiere of “Dr No”.
Ian Fleming: ….and make sure it is shaken, not stirred.
Barman: Yes sir, got that.
Terence Young: Well, hello Ian. I was fairly sure I’d find you here.
Fleming: Drowning my sorrows, perhaps?
Young: Oh, it’s not that bad surely.
(The barman arrives with Fleming’s drink.)
Young: My friend, bring me one as well. Hold the fruit.
Barman: Yes sir.
Young: So, what did you think of Connery now you’ve seen him in the part?
Fleming: Not my idea of Bond- but he would be if I were to write the books over again.
Young: I knew you’d be convinced.
(The barman arrives with Young’s drink.)
Fleming: I was looking for the giant squid at the end, and it didn’t appear!
Young: Simply budget, dear boy, simply budget. I would have loved to have Ray Harryhausen come up with that, but it sadly wasn’t possible.
Fleming: I was very happy with Ursula Andress, I must say.
Young: Yes, I thought you might be.
Fleming: You kept that part very close to my book.
Young: Oh yes.
Fleming: Except…
Young: Except what?
Fleming: Well, in the book she’s naked.
Young: (Scoffing.) There is no way that would pass the censor!
Fleming: I suppose not.
Young: Did you like Felix Leiter?
Fleming: Well, the actor was fine but Felix isn’t in that book!
Young: I know, but we’re launching a series and we had to introduce him.
Fleming: Miss Moneypenny was excellent- when I visualised Miss Moneypenny in the James Bond stories, I saw her as a tall, distinguished-looking woman with the most kissable lips in the world. She, dear boy, was exactly the woman I visualised.
Young: Well, I’m glad we got that right. So, what do you think overall?
Fleming: Those who’ve read the book will be disappointed. But those who haven’t will find it a wonderful film.
Young: I hesitate to ask, but did you like our Dr No?
Fleming: I’d have preferred Christopher Lee.
Young: Yes, well, that just wasn’t possible.
Fleming: How so?
Young: Budget again- he charges a million a shot.