I'm piecing together our jigsaw and we have a missing piece:
Paloma leads Sir James into the Spectre meeting. Meanwhile, Primo and ye Annoying Little Alchemist are above them. ALA manages to switch the fleas while Primo isn't looking (perhaps, "Hey look at the dress that girl ist wearing"?).
One of the Spectre people speaks for the Comte de Blofeld (consistency), welcoming Sir James (maybe "cuckoo"? again) and announcing that he will now die...
We then have caractacus' scene, (releasing the fleas, fighting, etc) but with some changes (eg Nomi has to arrive rather than just be there).
Anyone want a go at that?
I got nothing, I cant remember how the film goes in that scene. where's @Gymkata ? he has the dvd and doesn't mind watching it frame-by-frame making notes.
I do like the reappearance of the word "cuckoo"
Bond (aside): oh good god, not this again! (shakes fist) Curse you Blofelde, this "cuckoo" nonsense is why I chose to retire after my last Adventure!
(and the Producers are still negotiating their out-of-court settlement for Plagiarism with Sir Micheal Myers of Scarberia*)
and yes, some dialog about Paloma's dress would be good. otherwise, not much old fashioned cheesecake content in this latest Playe.
________________________________________________
*Mike Myers was born and raised in Scarborough, the same working class suburb of Toronto where I grew up. Traditionally referred to by locals as Scarberia, as it is a hinterland so far from the city centre you can hear the wolves howl out there.
I know its on the wrong side of all the content we still have to write, but I wanted to suggest recycling a gag I wrote in another thread:
_____________________________
after the toast, M abruptly says "right, that's done, now for the interviews" and we see outside the red door Aiden Turner, Tom Hiddleston, Henry Cavill and all the other usual suspects sitting in a row next to Moneypenny's desk, nervously doublechecking what they've claimed in their resumes! ("Norse God of Mischief? how's that relevant? surely they're hiring good guys!" "better than Man of Steel, that's just a meaningless buzzword!" etc)
_____________________________
of course this confirms the codename theory, which is mischief in and of itself. I think Hiddleston would have the advantage, since Loki and Thor were always speaking pseudo-Shakespearian type dialog in the comic books.
That's good, but I'm wanting to do the next scene in order (and of course there's more previous scenes yet to finish). This just occurred and I wanted to set it down.
Act 3, Scene 1
(Sir James drives his carriage to just outside ye building where Sir Gareth and his entourage await. He parks, casually.)
Warden: Hey, no parking here!
(Sir James rapidly dons a white wig and an eyepatch.)
Warden: Oh, pardon, Monsieur Largo.
(The warden wanders off and Sir James enters the building, removing the wig and eyepatch. He approaches ye desk.)
Attendant: Aye?
Sir James: I am he who is called Bond.
(Ye attendant looks on blankly.)
Sir James: ….James Bond?
(Maid Moneypenny approaches.)
Moneypenny: ‘Tis all right, Higgins, he is expected.
(Moneypenny leads Sir James through ye corridors.)
Moneypenny: It has been a while, has it not?
Sir James: Aye, ‘tis so.
(As they walk toward ye throneroom of Sir Gareth, they are joined by Nomi.)
Nomi: So! Thou hast returned, as we have expected.
Sir James: ‘Twas ye only thing left to do.
(Outside Sir Gareth’s door, William of Tanner awaits.)
Tanner: He will see you now.
(Nomi makes to enter.)
Tanner: No, not thee- Sir James.
(Nomi quietly fumes as Sir James goes through ye door.)
in the film, doesnt Tanner specifically say "007, he will see you now" leading to the confusion? even if not, we should have it that way because its better
these scenes were where we actually got the best Nomi content, with repeated gags over which 007 is being spoken to, and her own jealousy and insecurity at being upstaged. We should do something with that, otherwise she's just an extra character cluttering up the remaining scenes.
as I say I've forgotten precisely what happens in what order: when is the scene where they observe Blofeld and someone says he's "mad as a bag of bees?" We can have them argue about whether "mad as a bag of bees" is even a thing, and characters try to suggest better similes (which in turn are even more ridiculous).
and theres gotta be some laff potential in "god you're thirsty right now!"
also at one point in the real film M says "oh well I guess I have to tell the Prime Minister what I've done", yet at the end he somehow still has his job. He could at that point maybe aside "good thing I never told the Prime Minister and blamed it all on Bond"
in my opinion the most illogical thing in the whole film is Madeleine's choice to go back to the scene of her childhood trauma when she knows Safin is looking for her. Again, we can wring some comedy potential out of this huge lapse in logic, otherwise I cant think of much comedy fodder in the Norway scenes (unless of course the next door neighbour puts in an appearance)
Re "mad as a bag of bees": there's an Imaginary Conversation in which Purvis, Wade etc all discuss what they should say. That can be reworded for here.
However, we're getting ahead of ourselves here (and I'm just as guilty as anyone).
Please, anyone, write up this scene. There's even a couple of lines already included:
Paloma leads Sir James into the Spectre meeting. Meanwhile, Primo and ye Annoying Little Alchemist are above them. ALA manages to switch the fleas while Primo isn't looking (perhaps, "Hey look at the dress that girl ist wearing"?).
Spectre Henchman: Greetings, Sir James. Ye Comte de Blofeld sends his regards. You are to be welcomed. He sayeth, “Thou art now about to die, cuckoo”!
Sir James: (Aside.) Oh good god, not this again! (Shakes fist.) Curse you, Comte de Blofeld, this "cuckoo" nonsense is why I chose to retire after my last Adventure! (Thinks: and Michael & Barbara are still negotiating their out-of-court settlement for plagiarism with Sir Michael Myers of Scarberia).
To lead into existing scene starting with:
(Annoying Little Alchemist opens glass vessel and releases Evil Nano-Fleas while no-one's watching him)
Annoying Little Alchemist: heh heh heh, now we shall see my creation at work!
(Sir James and Paloma make a grab for ye Annoying Little Alchemist, but Nomi descends on a rope and grabs him.)
I'm sorry I haven't posted here in a while. I see you've done great work, so athat's good. Personally I simply haven't found any ideas worth posting yet. Keep up the good work!
I'm sorry I haven't posted here in a while. I see you've done great work, so athat's good. Personally I simply haven't found any ideas worth posting yet. Keep up the good work!
@Number24 maybe one thing you can help with, if you have the dvd, is the sequence of events in the actual film, because I've forgotten a lot of the specifics.
When do M and Tanner watch Blofeld via video monitor and comment he's as "mad as a bag of bees" does that come earlier in the film, like in the same scene he discovers Annoying Little Alchemist has been kidnapped and says "get me Aught Aught Seven?" or later during the London scenes?
also what is the sequence of scenes in London? the Blofeld prison cell scene is the one clear in my mind, but there was a lot of back and forth between M's office and Q's apartment.
looking at the scene in Acte 2 @Barbel is currently stuck on, here is what Wikipedia has to say. This is indoobitably oversimplified but may help
Bond goes to Cuba and meets Paloma, a CIA agent working with Leiter. They infiltrate a Spectre meeting for Blofeld's birthday to retrieve Obruchev. Still imprisoned in Belmarsh, Blofeld uses a disembodied "bionic eye" to lead the meeting and order his members to kill Bond with a "nanobot mist", but it kills all the Spectre members instead, as Obruchev had reprogrammed the nanobots to infect them on Safin's orders. Bond captures Obruchev and rendezvouses with Leiter and Ash, but Ash, a double agent working for Safin, kills Leiter and escapes with Obruchev.
for example we seem to already know Blofeld is safely in prison before the SPECTRE party scene, thats why I'm thinking "mad as a bag of bees" must have come earlier.
plotwise for this specific scene, Bond and Paloma have crashed the party and it is weird scene. Theres this one guy walking round mingling with the guests carrying an eyeball on a pillow (or platter), through which Blofeld communicates two way. Blofeld himself orders the use of the Evil Nano-Flea to kill Bond, whom he has recognised. But Annoying Little Alchemist has switched Fleas so its a different Flea that kills the SPECTRE agents. Have I got that right?
one thing I am thinking, is these 21st SPECTRE meetings are really weird scenes, nothing at all like the classic 60s SPECTRE meetings. The one in the previous film looked like an outtake from Harry Potter, and this one theres a guy walking round with an all-seeing eyeball as a party starter, again the whole meeting sequence is like a nightmare come to life. Perhaps some dialog could reference the changing style of SPECTRE meetings? That opera in Quantum... wasnt so normal either.
actually this all seeing eyeball on a pillow or platter is very Adams Family. Technobabble aside, the concept of the disembodied body part interacting with characters around it is almost exactly like the beloved character Thing!
(Bond and Paloma are walking down the streets of Havana)
Paloma: Aha! (points at address plate) This is the address of the party we will be crashing!
Bond: I must say, I admire your ability to read an address without squinting and moving thine lips. and only three weeks training?
(Bond and Paloma enter. The party is dark and full of sinister people all dressed in black with pallid complexions and ornate jewelry)
Paloma: This party is some creepy scene, much like those Harry Potter Playes that used to be all the rage
Bond: hmmm, this remindeth me of something. Yes, I know, that SPECTRE meeting I crashed five years ago, same weirdo junkie-chic goth crowd! The other fellow told me SPECTRE meetings were much more conventional back in his day, I don't know why I get stuck with these Horror Playe type SPECTRE meetings.
(Blofeld's Field Rep descends staircase holding an eyeball on a pillow before him. Tis an Enchanted Eyeball)
[does this character have a name in the film? if so, replace "Blofeld's Field Rep" as appropriate]
(Blofeld's Field Rep presents the Enchanted Eyeball to a tall pale woman with long black hair)
Blofeld's Field Rep: SPECTRE Agent Morticia, say hello to the Comte
SPECTRE Agent Morticia: Why isn't he cute! Hello little Comte, cootchie-wootchie-coo! May I pet him?
Blofeld's Field Rep: How'd you like it if I poked you in the eyeball?
SPECTRE Agent Morticia: Why darling, you say the sexiest things!
Blofeld's Field Rep: Never mind that! (turns to next SPECTRE agent) SPECTRE Agent Fester, say hello to the Comte
SPECTRE Agent Fester: Hiya Comte! y'know you and I have a lot in common! I like to take my eyeballs out and soak them in saline solution every night!
Blofeld's Field Rep: SPECTRE Agent Cousin It, say hello to the Comte
Bond: Thank God there isn't a SPECTRE Agent Lurch ... yet!
(suddenly there is a kerfuffle. The Enchanted Eyeball begins leaping up and down on the pillow, making whistle and chirping noises)
Blofeld's Field Rep: What's that, Comte's Enchanted Eyeball? (whistle chirp) You say you've spotted an intruder? (whistle chirp) But, where?
(the Enchanted Eyeball resumes its position on the pillow, then rotates to stare fixedly straight in Bond's direction)
Blofeld's Field Rep: (points in Bond's direction and in a strangled voice screeches) Cuckoo!!!!
all SPECTRE Agents in unison: Cuckoo!!!! Cuckoo!!!! Cuckoo!!!! Cuckoo!!!!
Sir James:(Aside.) Oh good god, not this again! (Shakes fist.) Curse you, Comte de Blofeld, this "cuckoo" nonsense is why I chose to retire after my last Adventure! (Thinks: and Michael & Barbara are still negotiating their out-of-court settlement for plagiarism with Sir Michael Myers of Scarberia).
Blofeld's Field Rep: (turns to Annoying Little Alchemist who is suddenly at his side): You there! Annoying Little Alchemist! Release the Evil Nano-Fleas and kill the intruder in our midst!
Annoying Little Alchemist: Sure boss, heh heh, I'll release the Evil Nano-Fleas, and, er, kill somebody! heh heh heh heh
(as Annoying Little Alchemist approaches Bond and Paloma, Blofeld's Field Rep carries the Enchanted Eyeball to a decorative box along a sideboard. The lid of the box opens on its own, and a disembodied hand emerges, and waves. As the Enchanted Eyeball is presented, the hand reaches out to retrieve the Enchanted Eyeball carefully, then withdraws into the box and the lid closes)
________________________________________
note to @Barbel to embed the gif, you have to right-click the gif above and click "Copy image address"
then click the Embed icon below
and paste in the image Address, then click Insert. that should work.
The gifs cannot simply be copied and pasted like regular images, the Code seems to treat them like youtube videos rather than graphics.
a Two Four is a case of beer in Ontario. I know @Number24 prefers Coke Zero
in Ontario, liquor laws were historically so oppressive, we used to have to line up in government run stores, give our order to an employee and present ID proving age. It was such a hassle that beer drinkers tended to buy their beverages in the largest case possible. I dont think the word is used in other provinces where you could always buy beer by the bottle at the corner store.
Apothecary Swann: Enough of this. We have come to this place because here is an old custom. Ye locals write down a memory they wish to forget, then set it alight. It burns, and ye bad memory is gone, forgotten.
Sir James: And we both shall write down a memory, then set it on fire?
Apothecary Swann: Aye, ‘tis so.
Sir James: Very well. Let us do this. Thee first.
(Madeleine takes a scrap of paper, writes “Spectre 2015” on it and sets it on fire. She tosses ye burning paper from ye window.)
Apothecary Swann: And it is gone. For you, Sir James?
Sir James: I shall do likewise, but I must do it at a certain place.
Apothecary Swann: A certain grave? Do it if thou must.
(Sir James leaves.)
I'd like to just cut here to Sir James approaching the doorman later, thus avoiding the whole Vesper's tomb scene.
so if we are skipping the cemetery scene and first chase, can we use the Tarantino style "Pages Missing from Ye Olde Script" joke, and begin Westwards scene with Bond quickly mentioning this great stunt he's just performed (which we didn't even see) which caused him to sprain his ankle? I think that suggested text was in the PMs not upthread.
Apothecary Swann: A certain grave? Do it if thou must.
(Sir James leaves.) [barbel's current text ending scene]
....
***********************
(and here follow several pages missing from all known surviving copies of Thee Scripte, even the Famous First Folio of Vauxhall)
***********************
....
Sir James: ... huff puff! huff puf! ouch!!! I thinketh I spraindeth mine ankle with that last incredible death defying stunt I performed just now! wow that was some stunt, Sir Thomas of Cruise couldst not have done one better! I sure hope you Audience all appreciated it!
(...Sir James approaches Ye Nueva Locanda de Matera. He is out of breath from ye preceding chase.) [westward's current text beginning scene]
I suppose for us one problem is this is a lot of primarily visual action scenes in a row, tuff to do in script form and make funny. how did you handle things like the last third of OHMSS?
but @Westward_Drift certainly did a good job with the big car chase scene so he's got a talent for such things. @Gymkata has a point, a visit to the tomb would probably inspire Bond to say a few things. The explosion could happen midsentence if he starts to get boring.
well thats my idea from post 2525 out! but my version was just one thpllftt-toopid gag about saliva spray anyway and needed more content to be used.
Can we at least show Safin walking down the streets of London humming Seaside Rendezvous to himself? that doesnt really overlap with what @Gymkata 's written. I like the idea of such a scary villain humming a silly song to himself when nobody's looking.
_________________________
scene: outside the Gaol (a man in a Traditional Japanese Noh Mask walks towards the entrance)
Safin (humming) lalala, I go off to work on Monday morning, Tuesday I am off to honeymoon, lalala,
(pauses) ah! here's the GaoI I hast been looking for!
(Safin enters doorway. Moments later Apothecary Swann appears round a corner and also enters same doorway)
_________________________
now on the other hand if we can trade and barter scenes, I've got some ideas for the scene where Safin has Bond on his knees agreeing to Safin's terms: specifically I can imagine this better with extended quotes from March of the Black Queen , leaving everything else the same. Maybe the StarGazer could take his lute solo during this scene.
I like the extended passages from Queen songs, which actually seem to tell the story where appropriate, rather than isolated snippets strung together to make a sentence. Which I believe you've done better in these two latest scenes! excellent! and now we've got that scene with M and Bond out of the way, so thats whittling down the London scenes. I think @Barbel said he had ideas for the big Blofeld scene
Mine apologies, Sir caractacus! I seem to have overlooked thine post 2525 altogether. Mine only excuse ist ye vast amount of material I am trying to co-ordinate.
Comments
barbel sez:
I'm piecing together our jigsaw and we have a missing piece:
Paloma leads Sir James into the Spectre meeting. Meanwhile, Primo and ye Annoying Little Alchemist are above them. ALA manages to switch the fleas while Primo isn't looking (perhaps, "Hey look at the dress that girl ist wearing"?).
One of the Spectre people speaks for the Comte de Blofeld (consistency), welcoming Sir James (maybe "cuckoo"? again) and announcing that he will now die...
We then have caractacus' scene, (releasing the fleas, fighting, etc) but with some changes (eg Nomi has to arrive rather than just be there).
Anyone want a go at that?
I got nothing, I cant remember how the film goes in that scene. where's @Gymkata ? he has the dvd and doesn't mind watching it frame-by-frame making notes.
I do like the reappearance of the word "cuckoo"
Bond (aside): oh good god, not this again! (shakes fist) Curse you Blofelde, this "cuckoo" nonsense is why I chose to retire after my last Adventure!
(and the Producers are still negotiating their out-of-court settlement for Plagiarism with Sir Micheal Myers of Scarberia*)
and yes, some dialog about Paloma's dress would be good. otherwise, not much old fashioned cheesecake content in this latest Playe.
________________________________________________
*Mike Myers was born and raised in Scarborough, the same working class suburb of Toronto where I grew up. Traditionally referred to by locals as Scarberia, as it is a hinterland so far from the city centre you can hear the wolves howl out there.
Working away at joining things up....
A true Work of Fart.
I'll get my hat....
I know its on the wrong side of all the content we still have to write, but I wanted to suggest recycling a gag I wrote in another thread:
_____________________________
after the toast, M abruptly says "right, that's done, now for the interviews" and we see outside the red door Aiden Turner, Tom Hiddleston, Henry Cavill and all the other usual suspects sitting in a row next to Moneypenny's desk, nervously doublechecking what they've claimed in their resumes! ("Norse God of Mischief? how's that relevant? surely they're hiring good guys!" "better than Man of Steel, that's just a meaningless buzzword!" etc)
_____________________________
of course this confirms the codename theory, which is mischief in and of itself. I think Hiddleston would have the advantage, since Loki and Thor were always speaking pseudo-Shakespearian type dialog in the comic books.
That's good, but I'm wanting to do the next scene in order (and of course there's more previous scenes yet to finish). This just occurred and I wanted to set it down.
Act 3, Scene 1
(Sir James drives his carriage to just outside ye building where Sir Gareth and his entourage await. He parks, casually.)
Warden: Hey, no parking here!
(Sir James rapidly dons a white wig and an eyepatch.)
Warden: Oh, pardon, Monsieur Largo.
(The warden wanders off and Sir James enters the building, removing the wig and eyepatch. He approaches ye desk.)
Attendant: Aye?
Sir James: I am he who is called Bond.
(Ye attendant looks on blankly.)
Sir James: ….James Bond?
(Maid Moneypenny approaches.)
Moneypenny: ‘Tis all right, Higgins, he is expected.
(Moneypenny leads Sir James through ye corridors.)
Moneypenny: It has been a while, has it not?
Sir James: Aye, ‘tis so.
(As they walk toward ye throneroom of Sir Gareth, they are joined by Nomi.)
Nomi: So! Thou hast returned, as we have expected.
Sir James: ‘Twas ye only thing left to do.
(Outside Sir Gareth’s door, William of Tanner awaits.)
Tanner: He will see you now.
(Nomi makes to enter.)
Tanner: No, not thee- Sir James.
(Nomi quietly fumes as Sir James goes through ye door.)
in the film, doesnt Tanner specifically say "007, he will see you now" leading to the confusion? even if not, we should have it that way because its better
these scenes were where we actually got the best Nomi content, with repeated gags over which 007 is being spoken to, and her own jealousy and insecurity at being upstaged. We should do something with that, otherwise she's just an extra character cluttering up the remaining scenes.
as I say I've forgotten precisely what happens in what order: when is the scene where they observe Blofeld and someone says he's "mad as a bag of bees?" We can have them argue about whether "mad as a bag of bees" is even a thing, and characters try to suggest better similes (which in turn are even more ridiculous).
and theres gotta be some laff potential in "god you're thirsty right now!"
also at one point in the real film M says "oh well I guess I have to tell the Prime Minister what I've done", yet at the end he somehow still has his job. He could at that point maybe aside "good thing I never told the Prime Minister and blamed it all on Bond"
in my opinion the most illogical thing in the whole film is Madeleine's choice to go back to the scene of her childhood trauma when she knows Safin is looking for her. Again, we can wring some comedy potential out of this huge lapse in logic, otherwise I cant think of much comedy fodder in the Norway scenes (unless of course the next door neighbour puts in an appearance)
Yes, you're right. Please feel free to rewrite my post to do more with Nomi.
As to what order, I think Gymkata is the man here!
But meanwhile we should cover the missing or still to be completed scenes!
Re "mad as a bag of bees": there's an Imaginary Conversation in which Purvis, Wade etc all discuss what they should say. That can be reworded for here.
However, we're getting ahead of ourselves here (and I'm just as guilty as anyone).
Please, anyone, write up this scene. There's even a couple of lines already included:
Paloma leads Sir James into the Spectre meeting. Meanwhile, Primo and ye Annoying Little Alchemist are above them. ALA manages to switch the fleas while Primo isn't looking (perhaps, "Hey look at the dress that girl ist wearing"?).
Spectre Henchman: Greetings, Sir James. Ye Comte de Blofeld sends his regards. You are to be welcomed. He sayeth, “Thou art now about to die, cuckoo”!
Sir James: (Aside.) Oh good god, not this again! (Shakes fist.) Curse you, Comte de Blofeld, this "cuckoo" nonsense is why I chose to retire after my last Adventure! (Thinks: and Michael & Barbara are still negotiating their out-of-court settlement for plagiarism with Sir Michael Myers of Scarberia).
To lead into existing scene starting with:
(Annoying Little Alchemist opens glass vessel and releases Evil Nano-Fleas while no-one's watching him)
Annoying Little Alchemist: heh heh heh, now we shall see my creation at work!
(Sir James and Paloma make a grab for ye Annoying Little Alchemist, but Nomi descends on a rope and grabs him.)
I'm sorry I haven't posted here in a while. I see you've done great work, so athat's good. Personally I simply haven't found any ideas worth posting yet. Keep up the good work!
TwoFour sez:
I'm sorry I haven't posted here in a while. I see you've done great work, so athat's good. Personally I simply haven't found any ideas worth posting yet. Keep up the good work!
@Number24 maybe one thing you can help with, if you have the dvd, is the sequence of events in the actual film, because I've forgotten a lot of the specifics.
When do M and Tanner watch Blofeld via video monitor and comment he's as "mad as a bag of bees" does that come earlier in the film, like in the same scene he discovers Annoying Little Alchemist has been kidnapped and says "get me Aught Aught Seven?" or later during the London scenes?
also what is the sequence of scenes in London? the Blofeld prison cell scene is the one clear in my mind, but there was a lot of back and forth between M's office and Q's apartment.
looking at the scene in Acte 2 @Barbel is currently stuck on, here is what Wikipedia has to say. This is indoobitably oversimplified but may help
Bond goes to Cuba and meets Paloma, a CIA agent working with Leiter. They infiltrate a Spectre meeting for Blofeld's birthday to retrieve Obruchev. Still imprisoned in Belmarsh, Blofeld uses a disembodied "bionic eye" to lead the meeting and order his members to kill Bond with a "nanobot mist", but it kills all the Spectre members instead, as Obruchev had reprogrammed the nanobots to infect them on Safin's orders. Bond captures Obruchev and rendezvouses with Leiter and Ash, but Ash, a double agent working for Safin, kills Leiter and escapes with Obruchev.
for example we seem to already know Blofeld is safely in prison before the SPECTRE party scene, thats why I'm thinking "mad as a bag of bees" must have come earlier.
plotwise for this specific scene, Bond and Paloma have crashed the party and it is weird scene. Theres this one guy walking round mingling with the guests carrying an eyeball on a pillow (or platter), through which Blofeld communicates two way. Blofeld himself orders the use of the Evil Nano-Flea to kill Bond, whom he has recognised. But Annoying Little Alchemist has switched Fleas so its a different Flea that kills the SPECTRE agents. Have I got that right?
one thing I am thinking, is these 21st SPECTRE meetings are really weird scenes, nothing at all like the classic 60s SPECTRE meetings. The one in the previous film looked like an outtake from Harry Potter, and this one theres a guy walking round with an all-seeing eyeball as a party starter, again the whole meeting sequence is like a nightmare come to life. Perhaps some dialog could reference the changing style of SPECTRE meetings? That opera in Quantum... wasnt so normal either.
actually this all seeing eyeball on a pillow or platter is very Adams Family. Technobabble aside, the concept of the disembodied body part interacting with characters around it is almost exactly like the beloved character Thing!
something like this...
________________________________________
(Bond and Paloma are walking down the streets of Havana)
Paloma: Aha! (points at address plate) This is the address of the party we will be crashing!
Bond: I must say, I admire your ability to read an address without squinting and moving thine lips. and only three weeks training?
(Bond and Paloma enter. The party is dark and full of sinister people all dressed in black with pallid complexions and ornate jewelry)
Paloma: This party is some creepy scene, much like those Harry Potter Playes that used to be all the rage
Bond: hmmm, this remindeth me of something. Yes, I know, that SPECTRE meeting I crashed five years ago, same weirdo junkie-chic goth crowd! The other fellow told me SPECTRE meetings were much more conventional back in his day, I don't know why I get stuck with these Horror Playe type SPECTRE meetings.
(Blofeld's Field Rep descends staircase holding an eyeball on a pillow before him. Tis an Enchanted Eyeball)
[does this character have a name in the film? if so, replace "Blofeld's Field Rep" as appropriate]
(Blofeld's Field Rep presents the Enchanted Eyeball to a tall pale woman with long black hair)
Blofeld's Field Rep: SPECTRE Agent Morticia, say hello to the Comte
SPECTRE Agent Morticia: Why isn't he cute! Hello little Comte, cootchie-wootchie-coo! May I pet him?
Blofeld's Field Rep: How'd you like it if I poked you in the eyeball?
SPECTRE Agent Morticia: Why darling, you say the sexiest things!
Blofeld's Field Rep: Never mind that! (turns to next SPECTRE agent) SPECTRE Agent Fester, say hello to the Comte
SPECTRE Agent Fester: Hiya Comte! y'know you and I have a lot in common! I like to take my eyeballs out and soak them in saline solution every night!
Blofeld's Field Rep: SPECTRE Agent Cousin It, say hello to the Comte
Bond: Thank God there isn't a SPECTRE Agent Lurch ... yet!
(suddenly there is a kerfuffle. The Enchanted Eyeball begins leaping up and down on the pillow, making whistle and chirping noises)
Blofeld's Field Rep: What's that, Comte's Enchanted Eyeball? (whistle chirp) You say you've spotted an intruder? (whistle chirp) But, where?
(the Enchanted Eyeball resumes its position on the pillow, then rotates to stare fixedly straight in Bond's direction)
Blofeld's Field Rep: (points in Bond's direction and in a strangled voice screeches) Cuckoo!!!!
all SPECTRE Agents in unison: Cuckoo!!!! Cuckoo!!!! Cuckoo!!!! Cuckoo!!!!
Sir James: (Aside.) Oh good god, not this again! (Shakes fist.) Curse you, Comte de Blofeld, this "cuckoo" nonsense is why I chose to retire after my last Adventure! (Thinks: and Michael & Barbara are still negotiating their out-of-court settlement for plagiarism with Sir Michael Myers of Scarberia).
Blofeld's Field Rep: (turns to Annoying Little Alchemist who is suddenly at his side): You there! Annoying Little Alchemist! Release the Evil Nano-Fleas and kill the intruder in our midst!
Annoying Little Alchemist: Sure boss, heh heh, I'll release the Evil Nano-Fleas, and, er, kill somebody! heh heh heh heh
(as Annoying Little Alchemist approaches Bond and Paloma, Blofeld's Field Rep carries the Enchanted Eyeball to a decorative box along a sideboard. The lid of the box opens on its own, and a disembodied hand emerges, and waves. As the Enchanted Eyeball is presented, the hand reaches out to retrieve the Enchanted Eyeball carefully, then withdraws into the box and the lid closes)
________________________________________
note to @Barbel to embed the gif, you have to right-click the gif above and click "Copy image address"
then click the Embed icon below
and paste in the image Address, then click Insert. that should work.
The gifs cannot simply be copied and pasted like regular images, the Code seems to treat them like youtube videos rather than graphics.
I love it, the idea of using an Addams Family (click, click) theme is exactly right.
Yes, I concur- keep us right on the order of things.
Also TwoFour is a good nickname for you @Number24 I usually go with N24 as you know.
(off topic)
a Two Four is a case of beer in Ontario. I know @Number24 prefers Coke Zero
in Ontario, liquor laws were historically so oppressive, we used to have to line up in government run stores, give our order to an employee and present ID proving age. It was such a hassle that beer drinkers tended to buy their beverages in the largest case possible. I dont think the word is used in other provinces where you could always buy beer by the bottle at the corner store.
I did not know that!
A missing part from earlier:
Apothecary Swann: Enough of this. We have come to this place because here is an old custom. Ye locals write down a memory they wish to forget, then set it alight. It burns, and ye bad memory is gone, forgotten.
Sir James: And we both shall write down a memory, then set it on fire?
Apothecary Swann: Aye, ‘tis so.
Sir James: Very well. Let us do this. Thee first.
(Madeleine takes a scrap of paper, writes “Spectre 2015” on it and sets it on fire. She tosses ye burning paper from ye window.)
Apothecary Swann: And it is gone. For you, Sir James?
Sir James: I shall do likewise, but I must do it at a certain place.
Apothecary Swann: A certain grave? Do it if thou must.
(Sir James leaves.)
I'd like to just cut here to Sir James approaching the doorman later, thus avoiding the whole Vesper's tomb scene.
so if we are skipping the cemetery scene and first chase, can we use the Tarantino style "Pages Missing from Ye Olde Script" joke, and begin Westwards scene with Bond quickly mentioning this great stunt he's just performed (which we didn't even see) which caused him to sprain his ankle? I think that suggested text was in the PMs not upthread.
Well, I think Westward wants to write the Vesper's tomb scene himself. I'm happy to skip it, though.
here's the Tarantino style "Pages Missing" gag, it was well buried in the PM's
___________________________________________________________
Apothecary Swann: A certain grave? Do it if thou must.
(Sir James leaves.) [barbel's current text ending scene]
....
***********************
(and here follow several pages missing from all known surviving copies of Thee Scripte, even the Famous First Folio of Vauxhall)
***********************
....
Sir James: ... huff puff! huff puf! ouch!!! I thinketh I spraindeth mine ankle with that last incredible death defying stunt I performed just now! wow that was some stunt, Sir Thomas of Cruise couldst not have done one better! I sure hope you Audience all appreciated it!
(...Sir James approaches Ye Nueva Locanda de Matera. He is out of breath from ye preceding chase.) [westward's current text beginning scene]
___________________________________________________________
I suppose for us one problem is this is a lot of primarily visual action scenes in a row, tuff to do in script form and make funny. how did you handle things like the last third of OHMSS?
but @Westward_Drift certainly did a good job with the big car chase scene so he's got a talent for such things. @Gymkata has a point, a visit to the tomb would probably inspire Bond to say a few things. The explosion could happen midsentence if he starts to get boring.
2619 above ends with Sir J heading for the tomb.
Next is the tomb scene. Unwritten!
Then we pick up with Westward's scene, James talking to the doorman.
Soliloquy at ye Tomb of Lady Lynd
Sweet Vesper
Skewered was I when first we talked
Of schools, and charity, and parents lost
You thought me cold-hearted, and yet
I would love thee whatever the cost
We played our parts, we did it so well
We acted in a play, or maybe a farce
And in time I learned to love your face
As well as your perfectly formed-
(There ist a sudden explosion.)
Thinking about Vesper's name on the tomb
The Lady Lynd
Vesper Lolita Emmeline Lilli Violet Ivy
*****************************
Making a point of how young she is at three and twenty. I would have included Matilda, but Matilde makes that Impossible.
Well, that's that scene about half written! 😁
I'll second that. Bravo Barbel👏
Thank you, guys 😁
Phew, you've been busy! Is it my imagination, or did you try to sneak in a Queen title or two...?
well thats my idea from post 2525 out! but my version was just one thpllftt-toopid gag about saliva spray anyway and needed more content to be used.
Can we at least show Safin walking down the streets of London humming Seaside Rendezvous to himself? that doesnt really overlap with what @Gymkata 's written. I like the idea of such a scary villain humming a silly song to himself when nobody's looking.
_________________________
scene: outside the Gaol (a man in a Traditional Japanese Noh Mask walks towards the entrance)
Safin (humming) lalala, I go off to work on Monday morning, Tuesday I am off to honeymoon, lalala,
(pauses) ah! here's the GaoI I hast been looking for!
(Safin enters doorway. Moments later Apothecary Swann appears round a corner and also enters same doorway)
_________________________
now on the other hand if we can trade and barter scenes, I've got some ideas for the scene where Safin has Bond on his knees agreeing to Safin's terms: specifically I can imagine this better with extended quotes from March of the Black Queen , leaving everything else the same. Maybe the StarGazer could take his lute solo during this scene.
I like the extended passages from Queen songs, which actually seem to tell the story where appropriate, rather than isolated snippets strung together to make a sentence. Which I believe you've done better in these two latest scenes! excellent! and now we've got that scene with M and Bond out of the way, so thats whittling down the London scenes. I think @Barbel said he had ideas for the big Blofeld scene
Mine apologies, Sir caractacus! I seem to have overlooked thine post 2525 altogether. Mine only excuse ist ye vast amount of material I am trying to co-ordinate.
I'll try to combine the two, just be patient.