The Hawaii comment above: while you lose the joke, a time appropriate Malta can substitute while also referencing one of Marlowe's plays. Otherwise since Yeoman Palmer would be a Navy man (as opposed to the army sergeant from the film) Bermuda, Jamaica or Cuba works while referencing well known Bond locales.
the thing is the digressions to Hawaii and Beirut happen in the book but not the movie. I think the Beirut scene from the book happens in an underground parking lot in the film, I cant remember if there's any equivalent to the book's Hawaii scenes in the film. If Palmer's the only one who remembers a Hawaii scene, then its funnier if its Hawaii and noone else knows what Hawaii is. If its some other place its not even referencing anything.
but we're back to the problem where if I have to explain why I think somethings funny, then its not funny. Easier just to forget Hawaii since its not part of the movie.
westward also sez:
Number 6: From yon architecture I wouldst surmise I am on ye Italian shoreline, but the chill wind off the sea reminds me of Wales.
Number 2 gives a quick cough and an embarrassed look to either side.
this is a good gag, as the location of the village is supposed to be one of the mysteries, yet Portmeirion is a popular cult tv tourist destination like Doc Martin's Port Wenn, everybody knows where it is. Look there it is in GoogleMaps.
I like the idea of just doing Arrival and Fall Out. Among the others to meet in Fallout could be the Court Jester whose "Jester's Privilege" in speaking truth to power is considered rebellion by Ye Village. While I hate the actual Fallout episodes as a finale to the TV series, the surrealism will be fun to lampoon, especially transferred to the Elizabethan Era. How do you top Number 6 chasing around a Number One who is wearing a monkey mask?
actually thats my issue, I dont like those concluding episodes. If we were to parody a specific episode theres better episodes, like CheckMate , or the one where they reprogram him to be lefthanded, or the one where he enters an art contest and builds a boat. but it should be easy just to pastiche typical scenes. The show is so episodic anyway, its almost like Groundhog Day. Each scene could be Number 6 waking up in the same damn village yet again, each day another attempt to mess with his sense of self "oh god, not again" . He notices he's suddenly left-handed and goes to number 2's office to complain, and its a different Number 2 than it was in the previous scene. "oh no, not another change of management, no wonder this place is so dysfunctional compared to all the other villages"
Did you know theres a Simpsons episode where Homer is kidnapped and wakes up in the Village, and McGoohan appears as Number 6? Theres a Prisoner thread here, and I included some screencaps of the Simpsons episode in post 28
The Ipcress Folio has been attributed to Christopher Marlowe who was in all likelihood employed as a spy while at Cambridge. As one is. 😂😂😂
You and Barbel will have to take the lead on this. Who knows when the TV series will air in the United States. For the film I had to purchase the dvd since I couldn't find it on streaming over here.
I don't have cable or stuff like nettflix so I wont be watching the new one, if I can find the old one online I'll watch it again
sorry to misattribute the work of Christopher Marlowe but after 400 years who can remember these details?
EDIT: and its funny the old/real film will appear on youtube occasionally and always disappears within days. Its almost impossible to find the dvd, yet theyre diligent about removing it from youtube! they should just reissue the dvd if theyre concerned about lost revenues, I'll happily spend the money.
Well, as I said it's the library scene next (see above). However, we should add some to Scene 3, with Harry talking to Jean and perhaps Jock. Jock should tell him to just do his paperwork patiently (which Harry of course rebels against), leading him to the library cos Budgerigar will be there. And of course he tries chatting up Jean, who he will find in his apartment after the library scene and we can have the dialogue caractacus said above before they tumble into bed.
I dont usually like to use my credit card online, but I have never seen this film in a bricks'n'mortar store and I've been looking for a couple years now. And thats a good price
Funeral in Berlin's the only one I've actually found in real life, and my used copy cost me more than this new Ipcress File youve linked to.
turns out I just appen to ave a research copy of The Ipcress File on me ard-drive, and in rather good quality I might add.
I've made it nearly alf way through and thought I should at least write down some notes while its fresh in me mind.
I'm pleased to see the two dialogs I remembered are generally accurate yet completely paraphrased, meaning our version is relatively original. Also its a infrared oven he wants the rise for, not a frying pan. So a frying pan's probably more elizabethan, so thats sorted out.
We need some jokes about "now my name's not 'arry". Maybe people can call out "'allo 'arry" wherever he goes, like whenever e enters the office or the police station. does e ever enter a bar where everybody knows is name?.
I see what @Barbel means about Budgerigar and Parakeet. That fight scene on the stairs, seen at a distance through the windows of a phone booth is almost like a prototype of the abstracted artyfarty fight scenes we see in the CraigBond films isnt it. Still that sort of stylish visual doesnt help with our Playe.
We need lots of jokes about paperwork. The bit where he requests the emergency clearance to search the warehouse is a 'ighlight for this sort o thing in the actual film, a whole sequence of abstract sounding file numbers and acronyms and codewords, maybe we could cluster a bunch of related jokes ere
But ow do we do an Elizabethan version of recording tape? that tapes rather important to to the plot (along with trippy sound effects) and the whole Ipcress vibe. I agree with Westward about using sorcery for the later brainwashing scenes, but we gotta elizabethan-ify that tape somehow.
what about the music e listens to? theres no Mozart back then, if our arry's snobby musical taste is a bit behind the current trend, what would it be? anybody know what the hot preRenaissance musical trend was?
The scene where he meets Ross by accident at the supermarket is key, in terms of imagery, to the whole Ipcress vibe. But how to do an Elizabethan version of a then-cutting edge American style supermarket? how bout an outdoor farmers market specialising in lots of new trendy food items brought over from the Americas? our 'arry can be a conspicuous consumer of newfangled American food imports, what were they again? coffee, tobacco, corn, I'm sure there was lots more we take for granted that would have been new and trendy in Elizabethan times.
ow bout that silent scene over the opening credits where he methodically grinds is coffee beans and measures out the spoonfulls into the French Press? no dialog of course, but could we render it in a paragraph of Shakespeare-meets-Deighton prose? I'd ave to reread some Deighton to even begin to tackle that, but just the idea of Shakespeare-meets-Deighton prose is makin me larf. Just for the one paragraph, to start the Playe before the dialog with Ross.
right, well thats all I got for now. No actual dialogs, just general notes. cept of course we ave to remember to drop our haitches all through this Playe. Also Nigel Green cracks me up every moment e's on screen, 'e was a silly uptight colonel years before Graham Chapman, we must be able to do something with is character.
@caractacus potts That's kinda where I am too. I'm just rewatching the film and getting some ideas. Less a scene by scene breakdown and more of a vibe, as it were.
Take the character of Harry Palmer. He's a former prisoner forced to work for the intelligence service. He's a one time Naval Yeoman in our work. I presume he was jailed for smuggling. Unlike many, he can read and write. So he went to school for a time. Maybe until age 11 or so. He's literate, but to his dismay spends all his time reading and writing reports. The idea of bureaucratic paperwork would be completely alien to the audience. Books would be rare and expensive. I expect Harry to complain often and wish he'd never learned to read or write to spare him the torture of paperwork. I see Harry being useful because Yeomen go where Officers fear to tread.
I see the library scene thusly: Harry uses a network of street urchins to find his quarry ala The Baker Street Irregulars. (No phones, no searching for cars via license plates, etc) He meets in a semi-secret alchemists library and is told to meet later in a pub down the street. He instead waits by the back entrance and when Budgerigar and Parakeet try to sneak out Harry confronts them. A fight ensues to thrill the audience and the pair escape.
It's a challenge to try to work the plot without phones, etc. Technologically there is no reason the ancient Greeks couldn't have had phonographs
The jokes are tougher. We know Bond backward and forward.
I think we need a joke about the lack of any system to keep track of all these papers. 'Arry proposes a cabinet where papers are stored alphabetically. The University educated superiors laugh at him and dismiss the idea. (Filing cabinets weren't used until 1890.)
The frying pan joke is period allowed, so well done. The term skillet was also used. Maybe Harry can also mention getting a new mortar and pestle? For some reason I find the term amusing. If you can do the Len Deighton/Elizabethan Playwright cross over I salute you. I guess it will be overwrought stage direction?
speaking of Graham Chapman, this is exactly the sort of situation where he might say: " Why don't you make it a parrot?"
[theres been a long overcomplicated dialog about paperwork. Lets call the form a Whoo(P)Cush(N)SFX-dash-plfft. Dalby and a dozen worker types have shown up and entered the warehouse and its empty]
Worker Type: sorry squire, theres nuffink ere. Whyntcha just pay us an we'll be off n still av time tcatch a game?
Dalby: you were instructed to be here precisely when high noon was above the local steeple and you arrived five minutes late
Worker Type: naw look, guv, we busts opens warehouses all round Londontown and dere's lotsa churchsteeples, and each has er own local relative high noon, So who's to say whevver we's five minnits late or five minnits early?
Dalby: I'm to say, local church steeple takes precedence. There shalt not be standarised time zones for another three centuries! Therefor time is measured in relation to the closest church steeple. You arrived late, you're fired without pay! Be off with you!
Worker Type: (exits with mates) Bleedin toff!
Palmer: ats right civil of ye, sir. Ye know if I ad been right bout this ere warehouse I'da been a ero!
Dalby: but thou wast wrong Palmer! Don't you ever fill out a Whoo(P)Cush(N)SFX-dash-plfft again, Palmer, dost thou hear?
(Dalby struts off stage right, Harry shuffles round warehouse set mutterin to imself, kickjng stray detritus, when something flies from beneath his feet)
Palmer: Cor! Colonel Dalby sir, come n see, itsa whatsis, a watchyermacallit, a carrier pigeon!
Dalby (returns to stage centre): a carrier pigeon thou sayest?
Palmer: naw, ats not right, not a carrier pigeon, its one of em birds from a tropics all the pyrates are bringin back to London wif em. yknow, the silly lookin ones at talk! a carrier parrot! they repeat what they ear people say!
Dalby: and you sayest such birds talk, dost thou? Perhaps we'd better take this one back to headquarters. I say, wouldst thou care for some lunch?
[next scene back at headquarters. Dalby and staff are trying to get the parrot to talk, but its acting very peculiar. Its eyes are dilated and spinning round in spirals, and it keeps walking backwards round and round and round. It never talks, but instead makes strange sounds as one might hear in the BBC Radiophonic Workshop archives. whatever the Elizabethan version of the BBC Radiophonic Workshop would be?]
________________________
EDIT: call it the BBC Audiophonic Workshop. The word is so similar as to read almost the same and would almost be meaningful in 1590. surely these woodenstage theatres had a sound effects department?
I think we need a joke about the lack of any system to keep track of all these papers. 'Arry proposes a cabinet where papers are stored alphabetically. The University educated superiors laugh at him and dismiss the idea. (Filing cabinets weren't used until 1890.)
Thats very Steve Martin! did you see the Theodoric of York sketches he did on SNL?
Guys, that's good progress and good thinking. Lots of usable material.
We should certainly insert more paperwork references into what we already have + as I said 'ave 'arry chat up Jean (or try to) + be shown the ropes (ie more paperwork) by Jock.
A briefing room. Major Dalby stands waiting, facing a room with about six or eight agents. Palmer enters, late as ever, and instantly spots ye only attractive female in ye room and goes to sit beside her.
Dalby: Now that we are all here (Gives Palmer a look.) let us begin. Many of our most noted alchemists have been going missing, nowhere to be found. Ye latest ist a man called Radcliffe. ‘Tis my belief that our department hast what ist commonly known as a “lead”. Look ye here.
(He uses a stick to point at an ink portrait of a middle-aged man on ye wall behind him.)
Dalby: This ist our main target, codenamed “Budgerigar”. Never does he travel without this man beside him.
(Dalby points at a portrait of a tough-looking man.)
Dalby: Code-named “Parakeet”. Now, thine task ist to accumulate data on Budgerigar’s movements and habits. Palmer, thou shalt be working with….
(Palmer looks hopefully at ye attractive female.)
Dalby: ...Carswell, there.
(A man smiles at Palmer, who tries to hide his disappointment. Major Dalby leaves, and Palmer immediately turns to ye lady.)
Palmer: ‘Allo, fair lady, thou canst call me ‘arry. What do they call thee?
Jean: Thou canst call me Jean, but I do believe thou art to work with Carswell.
Carswell: Hello, Palmer, come with me and I shalt show thee our office.
Palmer: Of course. (As they leave he turns to Jean again.)
Palmer: See thee later, mayhap?
Jean: Mayhap.
(Later, in an office.)
Carswell: Now, Palmer, Major Dalby ist most insistent that we are meticulous with our work.
Every day, thou must fill out a BUMF/ODDER 001 form and return it to him. Should thee have to leave ye office, thou must complete a WAS/(T.E.)O.F./T.I.M.E. 002 and submit it to ye purser’s office.
Palmer: Bloody ‘ell, ist that all we do all day? Fill out forms?
Carswell: ‘Tis ye way Major Dalby likes it.
Palmer: Well, ‘tis not my way. I shalt see ye later.
And we can then go into Westward's idea in 2890 above.
We must make sure that the correct colour ink is used on the correct forms. The size if the feather used is of paramount importance.
I see Harry commenting: Other agents travel the world. Battle villians. Romance beautiful women. Ol' 'Arry is trapped in a gray office under gray London skies with a 'Licence to Quill.'
Carswell: Now, Palmer, Major Dalby ist most insistent that we are meticulous with our work.
Every day, thou must fill out a BUMF/ODDER 001 form and return it to him. Should thee have to leave ye office, thou must complete a WAS/T.E.O.F./T.I.M.E. 002 and submit it to ye purser’s office.
Palmer: Bloody ‘ell, ist that all we do all day? Fill out forms?
Carswell: We must make sure that ye correct colour ink ist used on ye correct forms. Ye size of ye feather used ist of paramount importance.
Palmer: Other agents I could name travel ye world. Battle villains. Romance beautiful women. Ol' 'Arry ist trapped in a gray office under gray London skies with a “Licence to Quill”.
Carswell:‘Tis ye way Major Dalby likes it.
Palmer: Well, ‘tis not my way. I shalt see ye later.
@Westward_Drift 's idea for a joke about filing solutions reminded me of the speech Martin gives starting at 5:40, predicting the Scientific Method. I'm not sure if maybe Martin himself wrote this, or one of the show's regular writers. Martin's a well read intellectual in real life despite his goofball persona and that knowledge seeps through into most of his material, adding that additional level of meaning to all the dumb physical comedy. but I can see some of head writer Michael O'Donoghue's style in this script too: the precision detail of all the references and the sick grossout gags are both typical O'Donoghue
there was a followup Theodoric of York: Mediaeval Judge concluding with a similar speech (again inspired by Jane Curtin ranting "look just admit it, you dont know what youre doing") and an unrelated sketch about a caveman community where Martin discovered how to draw bison on the cave wall, again giving such a speech before Bill Murray kills him saying "now I am swift and strong and smart!"
the joke works because of historical revisionism, I think. We have to know history to get the setup, but then we're tempted to judge the characters choices by modern standards. Its much like when we complain about racism and such in art from an earlier era and find it hard to separate the art from our more enlightened standards; these characters probably were the cutting edge geniuses of their times no matter how stupid they seem today.
Wikipedia actually has an article on this one sketch but does not credit the writer
I posted some more thoughts on the film in the usual Harry Palmer thread, not really useful to our Playe but may provide some inspiration
____________________________________
I see I had a couple of unanswered questions from my first viewing, indicative of just how confusing this film is:
Why did Dalby negotiate the return of the last scientist? By doing so, it was revealed the scientist had been brainwashed, which would have remained unknown otherwise.
and
Who arranged for Palmer to be captured on the train? Dalby tells him to disappear, I don't think Palmer tells him he'll be taking the train. Palmer tells his girlfriend, she tells Ross. So Ross knows where he is but Dalby doesn't
anybody know the answers? or are these both actual plot holes?
[the very first time e as to fill out one o these damn forms]
other character: now ye start by filling in this bit ere, its your name, see? Your name of course would be 'arry, ennit?
Palmer: yeh thats right (turns to audience, hand to mouth as if sharing a secret)
(aside) now my name's not 'arry!
other character: (writing very carefully) Hair... Ree! now 'ats dunnit! Looks good! now lessee, (counts) only nineteen more pages to go en we're done wif 'is one! 'en after 'at we can start on 'ose! (points to overflowing pile of papers tumbling off table onto floor)
[we'll have to research these American imported foods more, and improve the details and the jokes.]
[also for you Brits, what would be a farmer's market in London that existed in 1600 maybe somewhere close to The Globe? I think I've heard of Covent Garden and the HayMarket, would either of those be where 'arry would shop for American imports in 1600? isnt there actually theatres today across the street from one of these markets?]
Scene: a trendy booth at the Farmers Market specialising in exotic American imports. 'arry is shopping for newly introduced food products only grown in the Americas, looking very hip and at home. In the middle of the aisle he spots Ross, staring at an ear of maize, looking uncomfortable and confused.
Palmer: ah 'allo Ross, didn know you were an enthusiast for the new American imports!
Ross: Palmer! what a surprise to see you here! Yes, yes of course, I shop here all the time. Love the stuff. er, whats this one, seems quite popular? (points to display being near continuously picked from by fidgety customers)
Palmer: 'ats tobacco leaf sir, nice n addictive an ye dont even get 'igh like wif indian hemp! I bet some people could smoke 70 a day an not feel a thing!
Ross: I dont think I see the point of that. What's that one you have there?
Palmer: ah thats coffee beans sir, me fav'rit! its also nice n addictive but it keeps ye wide awake
Ross: well that does sound more useful. how bout this?
Palmer: coca leaf sir, for when the coffee don work no more, n even more addictive.
Ross: now see here Palmer, are there any of these newfangled American imports that arent addictive drugs? isnt there anything nice and tasty you can eat?
Palmer: well that maize ye have in yer hand, sir, 'ats a food staple, lots ye can do wif maize an its very nutritious
Ross: but how do you eat this thing?
Palmer: wif yer teef sir, ye bite the kernels off wif yer teef
Ross: Preposterous! most of us English folk dont even have teeth!
Palmer: or... ye can slice off th kernels and cook em in an iron cauldron wif 'ot oil! then ye get popped maize , sir! Look, alf th people in the theatre are eatin bucketfulls o' that right now! (gestures to Audience)
Voice at back: oy you lot quit chompin yer popped maize so loud, I cant ear the dialog!
second voice: whats a point? This Playe makes even less sense when you can ear the dialog!
Ross: (glares at Audience, then turns back to face Palmer) well you still need some teeth for that! How about this one? a glass vessel full of "Pre-Chewed Maize", it says, "No Teeth Required"!
Palmer: naw ye dont want 'at, 'ats baby food, sir!
[now I realise that's a bit long and half of its another drug joke. So someone think up more jokes about trendy American food imports, but I think the corny jokes (heh) are good because they reintroduce the Audience and set up an actual punchline from the film]
[then somehow we intertwine the previous dialog, with dialog where Ross tries to get info from Palmer]
Ross; Speaking of exotic edible delicacies, Palmer, I happen to hear that, er, Colonel Dalby has got himself a talking parrot?
Palmer: Well I don't know if I'd know anyfink bout 'at sir.
Ross: Yes very good, correct answer. Of course, if I were, lets say, to be interested in what this talking parrot has to say, er...
Palmer: if?
Ross: Let's imagine, just to be theoretical, that I were Colonel Ross...
Palmer: I don't know, I cant keep up wif 'oo's 'oo in this Playe sir, (aside to Audience) All I know is my name aint 'arry!
Ross: and if, suppositionally speaking of course, I were still your superior officer, do you think some one might, er, be able to "accidentally" procure said talking parrot for me?
Palmer: naw, naw sir, of course I'd never do 'at sir. cuz 'at would be illegal
Ross: in that case, theoretically speaking, what if I were to "accidentally" throw your smart arse back into Gaol if you don't?
[not sure how this scene ends. If we intertwine it with the above dialog about the foods. which is how I think they did it in the film, we can leave the implied blackmail unresolved and end with the babyfood joke]
you pick the theatre and the market @Westward_Drift I think you know your history better than me. But explain why so us fellow writing staff learn something? whats a Rose Theatre?
also - I had imagined the Parrot somehow making those weird sound effects instead of talking, but thats hard to render. Maybe he just says stereotypical parrot dialog as you suggest, interspersed with weird noises, but never anything useful about the missing alchemists.
The Ipcress Folio can't be the Globe theatre. The Globe opened in 1599 while Marlowe died (or "died" according to the Nay Time to Die Coda) in 1593. We already take a helluva lot of liberties with the production of the plays (in reality there was no curtain, no scenery, and very few props). The Rose Theatre was actually the first theater to produce any of Shakespeare's plays. It was only a couple minutes walk from the site of the Globe.
We also get this exchange from the Hamlet skit with Rowan Atkinson and Hugh Laurie:
The Agent: It’s five hours, Bill, on wooden seats, and no toilets this side of the Thames.
Shakespeare: Yeah, well, I’ve always said the Rose Theatre is a dump, frankly. I mean, the sooner they knock it down and build something decent, the better.
thats awesome, thats the way I like to learn my History! wheres that from?
anyway in your map of Londontown, these two theatres are a block away from each other. Are there any Farmers Markets nearby or is there a period appropriate Farmers Market in another part of town? yknow, this Theatre should be plugging the local Farmers Market as part of their Playe, in trade for a bit of sponsorship.
also if I ever said the year was 1600 I'm just rounding to the closest century. obviously 'arry's a hip 17th Century sort of bloke, but if its happening in 1590 that just makes Im all the hipper. if we write in a few anachronisms that wouldnt be possible in 1590 I certainly wont notice.
Caractacus, Major Dalby negotiated the return of the scientist for money. Of course said scientist was now useless, his brain having been "washed" or "wiped".
The Shakespeare skit was I believe a part of a charity broadcast in the late 1980s. Very Blackadder.
I think it's safest to just use Borough Market. It's been around in one form or another for 800-1000 years, most of it at or near its present location.
Comments
westward sez:
Regarding Ipcress:
The Hawaii comment above: while you lose the joke, a time appropriate Malta can substitute while also referencing one of Marlowe's plays. Otherwise since Yeoman Palmer would be a Navy man (as opposed to the army sergeant from the film) Bermuda, Jamaica or Cuba works while referencing well known Bond locales.
the thing is the digressions to Hawaii and Beirut happen in the book but not the movie. I think the Beirut scene from the book happens in an underground parking lot in the film, I cant remember if there's any equivalent to the book's Hawaii scenes in the film. If Palmer's the only one who remembers a Hawaii scene, then its funnier if its Hawaii and noone else knows what Hawaii is. If its some other place its not even referencing anything.
but we're back to the problem where if I have to explain why I think somethings funny, then its not funny. Easier just to forget Hawaii since its not part of the movie.
westward also sez:
Number 6: From yon architecture I wouldst surmise I am on ye Italian shoreline, but the chill wind off the sea reminds me of Wales.
Number 2 gives a quick cough and an embarrassed look to either side.
this is a good gag, as the location of the village is supposed to be one of the mysteries, yet Portmeirion is a popular cult tv tourist destination like Doc Martin's Port Wenn, everybody knows where it is. Look there it is in GoogleMaps.
I like the idea of just doing Arrival and Fall Out. Among the others to meet in Fallout could be the Court Jester whose "Jester's Privilege" in speaking truth to power is considered rebellion by Ye Village. While I hate the actual Fallout episodes as a finale to the TV series, the surrealism will be fun to lampoon, especially transferred to the Elizabethan Era. How do you top Number 6 chasing around a Number One who is wearing a monkey mask?
actually thats my issue, I dont like those concluding episodes. If we were to parody a specific episode theres better episodes, like CheckMate , or the one where they reprogram him to be lefthanded, or the one where he enters an art contest and builds a boat. but it should be easy just to pastiche typical scenes. The show is so episodic anyway, its almost like Groundhog Day. Each scene could be Number 6 waking up in the same damn village yet again, each day another attempt to mess with his sense of self "oh god, not again" . He notices he's suddenly left-handed and goes to number 2's office to complain, and its a different Number 2 than it was in the previous scene. "oh no, not another change of management, no wonder this place is so dysfunctional compared to all the other villages"
Did you know theres a Simpsons episode where Homer is kidnapped and wakes up in the Village, and McGoohan appears as Number 6? Theres a Prisoner thread here, and I included some screencaps of the Simpsons episode in post 28
just to further confuse the issue of which version of the Ipcress Folio Shakespeare is rewriting,
RedKind points out theres a remake debuting on teevee this sunday (March 6 2022)! see Anything Good On Tevee thread post 2348
The Ipcress Folio has been attributed to Christopher Marlowe who was in all likelihood employed as a spy while at Cambridge. As one is. 😂😂😂
You and Barbel will have to take the lead on this. Who knows when the TV series will air in the United States. For the film I had to purchase the dvd since I couldn't find it on streaming over here.
I don't have cable or stuff like nettflix so I wont be watching the new one, if I can find the old one online I'll watch it again
sorry to misattribute the work of Christopher Marlowe but after 400 years who can remember these details?
EDIT: and its funny the old/real film will appear on youtube occasionally and always disappears within days. Its almost impossible to find the dvd, yet theyre diligent about removing it from youtube! they should just reissue the dvd if theyre concerned about lost revenues, I'll happily spend the money.
Well, as I said it's the library scene next (see above). However, we should add some to Scene 3, with Harry talking to Jean and perhaps Jock. Jock should tell him to just do his paperwork patiently (which Harry of course rebels against), leading him to the library cos Budgerigar will be there. And of course he tries chatting up Jean, who he will find in his apartment after the library scene and we can have the dialogue caractacus said above before they tumble into bed.
I can't speak for Canada, but I got the special edition off Amazon in the US.I don't have a blu ray player.
thanks @Westward_Drift
I dont usually like to use my credit card online, but I have never seen this film in a bricks'n'mortar store and I've been looking for a couple years now. And thats a good price
Funeral in Berlin's the only one I've actually found in real life, and my used copy cost me more than this new Ipcress File youve linked to.
turns out I just appen to ave a research copy of The Ipcress File on me ard-drive, and in rather good quality I might add.
I've made it nearly alf way through and thought I should at least write down some notes while its fresh in me mind.
I'm pleased to see the two dialogs I remembered are generally accurate yet completely paraphrased, meaning our version is relatively original. Also its a infrared oven he wants the rise for, not a frying pan. So a frying pan's probably more elizabethan, so thats sorted out.
We need some jokes about "now my name's not 'arry". Maybe people can call out "'allo 'arry" wherever he goes, like whenever e enters the office or the police station. does e ever enter a bar where everybody knows is name?.
I see what @Barbel means about Budgerigar and Parakeet. That fight scene on the stairs, seen at a distance through the windows of a phone booth is almost like a prototype of the abstracted artyfarty fight scenes we see in the CraigBond films isnt it. Still that sort of stylish visual doesnt help with our Playe.
We need lots of jokes about paperwork. The bit where he requests the emergency clearance to search the warehouse is a 'ighlight for this sort o thing in the actual film, a whole sequence of abstract sounding file numbers and acronyms and codewords, maybe we could cluster a bunch of related jokes ere
But ow do we do an Elizabethan version of recording tape? that tapes rather important to to the plot (along with trippy sound effects) and the whole Ipcress vibe. I agree with Westward about using sorcery for the later brainwashing scenes, but we gotta elizabethan-ify that tape somehow.
what about the music e listens to? theres no Mozart back then, if our arry's snobby musical taste is a bit behind the current trend, what would it be? anybody know what the hot preRenaissance musical trend was?
The scene where he meets Ross by accident at the supermarket is key, in terms of imagery, to the whole Ipcress vibe. But how to do an Elizabethan version of a then-cutting edge American style supermarket? how bout an outdoor farmers market specialising in lots of new trendy food items brought over from the Americas? our 'arry can be a conspicuous consumer of newfangled American food imports, what were they again? coffee, tobacco, corn, I'm sure there was lots more we take for granted that would have been new and trendy in Elizabethan times.
ow bout that silent scene over the opening credits where he methodically grinds is coffee beans and measures out the spoonfulls into the French Press? no dialog of course, but could we render it in a paragraph of Shakespeare-meets-Deighton prose? I'd ave to reread some Deighton to even begin to tackle that, but just the idea of Shakespeare-meets-Deighton prose is makin me larf. Just for the one paragraph, to start the Playe before the dialog with Ross.
right, well thats all I got for now. No actual dialogs, just general notes. cept of course we ave to remember to drop our haitches all through this Playe. Also Nigel Green cracks me up every moment e's on screen, 'e was a silly uptight colonel years before Graham Chapman, we must be able to do something with is character.
@caractacus potts That's kinda where I am too. I'm just rewatching the film and getting some ideas. Less a scene by scene breakdown and more of a vibe, as it were.
Take the character of Harry Palmer. He's a former prisoner forced to work for the intelligence service. He's a one time Naval Yeoman in our work. I presume he was jailed for smuggling. Unlike many, he can read and write. So he went to school for a time. Maybe until age 11 or so. He's literate, but to his dismay spends all his time reading and writing reports. The idea of bureaucratic paperwork would be completely alien to the audience. Books would be rare and expensive. I expect Harry to complain often and wish he'd never learned to read or write to spare him the torture of paperwork. I see Harry being useful because Yeomen go where Officers fear to tread.
I see the library scene thusly: Harry uses a network of street urchins to find his quarry ala The Baker Street Irregulars. (No phones, no searching for cars via license plates, etc) He meets in a semi-secret alchemists library and is told to meet later in a pub down the street. He instead waits by the back entrance and when Budgerigar and Parakeet try to sneak out Harry confronts them. A fight ensues to thrill the audience and the pair escape.
It's a challenge to try to work the plot without phones, etc. Technologically there is no reason the ancient Greeks couldn't have had phonographs
The jokes are tougher. We know Bond backward and forward.
I think we need a joke about the lack of any system to keep track of all these papers. 'Arry proposes a cabinet where papers are stored alphabetically. The University educated superiors laugh at him and dismiss the idea. (Filing cabinets weren't used until 1890.)
The frying pan joke is period allowed, so well done. The term skillet was also used. Maybe Harry can also mention getting a new mortar and pestle? For some reason I find the term amusing. If you can do the Len Deighton/Elizabethan Playwright cross over I salute you. I guess it will be overwrought stage direction?
speaking of Graham Chapman, this is exactly the sort of situation where he might say: " Why don't you make it a parrot?"
[theres been a long overcomplicated dialog about paperwork. Lets call the form a Whoo(P)Cush(N)SFX-dash-plfft. Dalby and a dozen worker types have shown up and entered the warehouse and its empty]
Worker Type: sorry squire, theres nuffink ere. Whyntcha just pay us an we'll be off n still av time tcatch a game?
Dalby: you were instructed to be here precisely when high noon was above the local steeple and you arrived five minutes late
Worker Type: naw look, guv, we busts opens warehouses all round Londontown and dere's lotsa churchsteeples, and each has er own local relative high noon, So who's to say whevver we's five minnits late or five minnits early?
Dalby: I'm to say, local church steeple takes precedence. There shalt not be standarised time zones for another three centuries! Therefor time is measured in relation to the closest church steeple. You arrived late, you're fired without pay! Be off with you!
Worker Type: (exits with mates) Bleedin toff!
Palmer: ats right civil of ye, sir. Ye know if I ad been right bout this ere warehouse I'da been a ero!
Dalby: but thou wast wrong Palmer! Don't you ever fill out a Whoo(P)Cush(N)SFX-dash-plfft again, Palmer, dost thou hear?
(Dalby struts off stage right, Harry shuffles round warehouse set mutterin to imself, kickjng stray detritus, when something flies from beneath his feet)
Palmer: Cor! Colonel Dalby sir, come n see, itsa whatsis, a watchyermacallit, a carrier pigeon!
Dalby (returns to stage centre): a carrier pigeon thou sayest?
Palmer: naw, ats not right, not a carrier pigeon, its one of em birds from a tropics all the pyrates are bringin back to London wif em. yknow, the silly lookin ones at talk! a carrier parrot! they repeat what they ear people say!
Dalby: and you sayest such birds talk, dost thou? Perhaps we'd better take this one back to headquarters. I say, wouldst thou care for some lunch?
[next scene back at headquarters. Dalby and staff are trying to get the parrot to talk, but its acting very peculiar. Its eyes are dilated and spinning round in spirals, and it keeps walking backwards round and round and round. It never talks, but instead makes strange sounds as one might hear in the BBC Radiophonic Workshop archives. whatever the Elizabethan version of the BBC Radiophonic Workshop would be?]
________________________
EDIT: call it the BBC Audiophonic Workshop. The word is so similar as to read almost the same and would almost be meaningful in 1590. surely these woodenstage theatres had a sound effects department?
@Westward_Drift sez:
I think we need a joke about the lack of any system to keep track of all these papers. 'Arry proposes a cabinet where papers are stored alphabetically. The University educated superiors laugh at him and dismiss the idea. (Filing cabinets weren't used until 1890.)
Thats very Steve Martin! did you see the Theodoric of York sketches he did on SNL?
Guys, that's good progress and good thinking. Lots of usable material.
We should certainly insert more paperwork references into what we already have + as I said 'ave 'arry chat up Jean (or try to) + be shown the ropes (ie more paperwork) by Jock.
Rewritten Scene 3
SCENE 3
A briefing room. Major Dalby stands waiting, facing a room with about six or eight agents. Palmer enters, late as ever, and instantly spots ye only attractive female in ye room and goes to sit beside her.
Dalby: Now that we are all here (Gives Palmer a look.) let us begin. Many of our most noted alchemists have been going missing, nowhere to be found. Ye latest ist a man called Radcliffe. ‘Tis my belief that our department hast what ist commonly known as a “lead”. Look ye here.
(He uses a stick to point at an ink portrait of a middle-aged man on ye wall behind him.)
Dalby: This ist our main target, codenamed “Budgerigar”. Never does he travel without this man beside him.
(Dalby points at a portrait of a tough-looking man.)
Dalby: Code-named “Parakeet”. Now, thine task ist to accumulate data on Budgerigar’s movements and habits. Palmer, thou shalt be working with….
(Palmer looks hopefully at ye attractive female.)
Dalby: ...Carswell, there.
(A man smiles at Palmer, who tries to hide his disappointment. Major Dalby leaves, and Palmer immediately turns to ye lady.)
Palmer: ‘Allo, fair lady, thou canst call me ‘arry. What do they call thee?
Jean: Thou canst call me Jean, but I do believe thou art to work with Carswell.
Carswell: Hello, Palmer, come with me and I shalt show thee our office.
Palmer: Of course. (As they leave he turns to Jean again.)
Palmer: See thee later, mayhap?
Jean: Mayhap.
(Later, in an office.)
Carswell: Now, Palmer, Major Dalby ist most insistent that we are meticulous with our work.
Every day, thou must fill out a BUMF/ODDER 001 form and return it to him. Should thee have to leave ye office, thou must complete a WAS/(T.E.)O.F./T.I.M.E. 002 and submit it to ye purser’s office.
Palmer: Bloody ‘ell, ist that all we do all day? Fill out forms?
Carswell: ‘Tis ye way Major Dalby likes it.
Palmer: Well, ‘tis not my way. I shalt see ye later.
And we can then go into Westward's idea in 2890 above.
We must make sure that the correct colour ink is used on the correct forms. The size if the feather used is of paramount importance.
I see Harry commenting: Other agents travel the world. Battle villians. Romance beautiful women. Ol' 'Arry is trapped in a gray office under gray London skies with a 'Licence to Quill.'
I will try to write up the library scene tomorrow.
I love the idea of the tape being a parrot. It's so ludicrous.
How's this, WD?
(Later, in an office.)
Carswell: Now, Palmer, Major Dalby ist most insistent that we are meticulous with our work.
Every day, thou must fill out a BUMF/ODDER 001 form and return it to him. Should thee have to leave ye office, thou must complete a WAS/T.E.O.F./T.I.M.E. 002 and submit it to ye purser’s office.
Palmer: Bloody ‘ell, ist that all we do all day? Fill out forms?
Carswell: We must make sure that ye correct colour ink ist used on ye correct forms. Ye size of ye feather used ist of paramount importance.
Palmer: Other agents I could name travel ye world. Battle villains. Romance beautiful women. Ol' 'Arry ist trapped in a gray office under gray London skies with a “Licence to Quill”.
Carswell: ‘Tis ye way Major Dalby likes it.
Palmer: Well, ‘tis not my way. I shalt see ye later.
Love it.
I was reminded above of Theodoric of York: Mediaeval Barber
turns out SNL has actually allowed this sketch to stay up on youtube. Lets all watch it shall we, for research purposes?
excerpted from Saturday Night Live S3E18 April 22, 1978 (the same episode that includes the debut of the Blues Brothers)
@Westward_Drift 's idea for a joke about filing solutions reminded me of the speech Martin gives starting at 5:40, predicting the Scientific Method. I'm not sure if maybe Martin himself wrote this, or one of the show's regular writers. Martin's a well read intellectual in real life despite his goofball persona and that knowledge seeps through into most of his material, adding that additional level of meaning to all the dumb physical comedy. but I can see some of head writer Michael O'Donoghue's style in this script too: the precision detail of all the references and the sick grossout gags are both typical O'Donoghue
there was a followup Theodoric of York: Mediaeval Judge concluding with a similar speech (again inspired by Jane Curtin ranting "look just admit it, you dont know what youre doing") and an unrelated sketch about a caveman community where Martin discovered how to draw bison on the cave wall, again giving such a speech before Bill Murray kills him saying "now I am swift and strong and smart!"
the joke works because of historical revisionism, I think. We have to know history to get the setup, but then we're tempted to judge the characters choices by modern standards. Its much like when we complain about racism and such in art from an earlier era and find it hard to separate the art from our more enlightened standards; these characters probably were the cutting edge geniuses of their times no matter how stupid they seem today.
Wikipedia actually has an article on this one sketch but does not credit the writer
I posted some more thoughts on the film in the usual Harry Palmer thread, not really useful to our Playe but may provide some inspiration
____________________________________
I see I had a couple of unanswered questions from my first viewing, indicative of just how confusing this film is:
Why did Dalby negotiate the return of the last scientist? By doing so, it was revealed the scientist had been brainwashed, which would have remained unknown otherwise.
and
Who arranged for Palmer to be captured on the train? Dalby tells him to disappear, I don't think Palmer tells him he'll be taking the train. Palmer tells his girlfriend, she tells Ross. So Ross knows where he is but Dalby doesn't
anybody know the answers? or are these both actual plot holes?
[the very first time e as to fill out one o these damn forms]
other character: now ye start by filling in this bit ere, its your name, see? Your name of course would be 'arry, ennit?
Palmer: yeh thats right (turns to audience, hand to mouth as if sharing a secret)
(aside) now my name's not 'arry!
other character: (writing very carefully) Hair... Ree! now 'ats dunnit! Looks good! now lessee, (counts) only nineteen more pages to go en we're done wif 'is one! 'en after 'at we can start on 'ose! (points to overflowing pile of papers tumbling off table onto floor)
(etc)
[we'll have to research these American imported foods more, and improve the details and the jokes.]
[also for you Brits, what would be a farmer's market in London that existed in 1600 maybe somewhere close to The Globe? I think I've heard of Covent Garden and the HayMarket, would either of those be where 'arry would shop for American imports in 1600? isnt there actually theatres today across the street from one of these markets?]
Scene: a trendy booth at the Farmers Market specialising in exotic American imports. 'arry is shopping for newly introduced food products only grown in the Americas, looking very hip and at home. In the middle of the aisle he spots Ross, staring at an ear of maize, looking uncomfortable and confused.
Palmer: ah 'allo Ross, didn know you were an enthusiast for the new American imports!
Ross: Palmer! what a surprise to see you here! Yes, yes of course, I shop here all the time. Love the stuff. er, whats this one, seems quite popular? (points to display being near continuously picked from by fidgety customers)
Palmer: 'ats tobacco leaf sir, nice n addictive an ye dont even get 'igh like wif indian hemp! I bet some people could smoke 70 a day an not feel a thing!
Ross: I dont think I see the point of that. What's that one you have there?
Palmer: ah thats coffee beans sir, me fav'rit! its also nice n addictive but it keeps ye wide awake
Ross: well that does sound more useful. how bout this?
Palmer: coca leaf sir, for when the coffee don work no more, n even more addictive.
Ross: now see here Palmer, are there any of these newfangled American imports that arent addictive drugs? isnt there anything nice and tasty you can eat?
Palmer: well that maize ye have in yer hand, sir, 'ats a food staple, lots ye can do wif maize an its very nutritious
Ross: but how do you eat this thing?
Palmer: wif yer teef sir, ye bite the kernels off wif yer teef
Ross: Preposterous! most of us English folk dont even have teeth!
Palmer: or... ye can slice off th kernels and cook em in an iron cauldron wif 'ot oil! then ye get popped maize , sir! Look, alf th people in the theatre are eatin bucketfulls o' that right now! (gestures to Audience)
Audience: chomp chomp chomp chomp! chomp chomp chomp chomp! chomp chomp chomp chomp! chomp chomp chomp chomp! etc
Voice at back: oy you lot quit chompin yer popped maize so loud, I cant ear the dialog!
second voice: whats a point? This Playe makes even less sense when you can ear the dialog!
Ross: (glares at Audience, then turns back to face Palmer) well you still need some teeth for that! How about this one? a glass vessel full of "Pre-Chewed Maize", it says, "No Teeth Required"!
Palmer: naw ye dont want 'at, 'ats baby food, sir!
[now I realise that's a bit long and half of its another drug joke. So someone think up more jokes about trendy American food imports, but I think the corny jokes (heh) are good because they reintroduce the Audience and set up an actual punchline from the film]
Palmer: That there is a potato.
Ross: Looks boring. Give it to the Irish.
I was thinking the Rose Theatre for the Ipcress Folio, not that it really matters.
[then somehow we intertwine the previous dialog, with dialog where Ross tries to get info from Palmer]
Ross; Speaking of exotic edible delicacies, Palmer, I happen to hear that, er, Colonel Dalby has got himself a talking parrot?
Palmer: Well I don't know if I'd know anyfink bout 'at sir.
Ross: Yes very good, correct answer. Of course, if I were, lets say, to be interested in what this talking parrot has to say, er...
Palmer: if?
Ross: Let's imagine, just to be theoretical, that I were Colonel Ross...
Palmer: I don't know, I cant keep up wif 'oo's 'oo in this Playe sir, (aside to Audience) All I know is my name aint 'arry!
Ross: and if, suppositionally speaking of course, I were still your superior officer, do you think some one might, er, be able to "accidentally" procure said talking parrot for me?
Palmer: naw, naw sir, of course I'd never do 'at sir. cuz 'at would be illegal
Ross: in that case, theoretically speaking, what if I were to "accidentally" throw your smart arse back into Gaol if you don't?
[not sure how this scene ends. If we intertwine it with the above dialog about the foods. which is how I think they did it in the film, we can leave the implied blackmail unresolved and end with the babyfood joke]
Among the throwaway lines the parrot says:
Polly wants a cracker
Give us a kiss
And
ATAK to Saint Cyril.
you pick the theatre and the market @Westward_Drift I think you know your history better than me. But explain why so us fellow writing staff learn something? whats a Rose Theatre?
also - I had imagined the Parrot somehow making those weird sound effects instead of talking, but thats hard to render. Maybe he just says stereotypical parrot dialog as you suggest, interspersed with weird noises, but never anything useful about the missing alchemists.
The Ipcress Folio can't be the Globe theatre. The Globe opened in 1599 while Marlowe died (or "died" according to the Nay Time to Die Coda) in 1593. We already take a helluva lot of liberties with the production of the plays (in reality there was no curtain, no scenery, and very few props). The Rose Theatre was actually the first theater to produce any of Shakespeare's plays. It was only a couple minutes walk from the site of the Globe.
We also get this exchange from the Hamlet skit with Rowan Atkinson and Hugh Laurie:
The Agent: It’s five hours, Bill, on wooden seats, and no toilets this side of the Thames.
Shakespeare: Yeah, well, I’ve always said the Rose Theatre is a dump, frankly. I mean, the sooner they knock it down and build something decent, the better.
As I see it the early Sir James Bond playes were at the Rose.
I'll look over the markets at the time.
thats awesome, thats the way I like to learn my History! wheres that from?
anyway in your map of Londontown, these two theatres are a block away from each other. Are there any Farmers Markets nearby or is there a period appropriate Farmers Market in another part of town? yknow, this Theatre should be plugging the local Farmers Market as part of their Playe, in trade for a bit of sponsorship.
also if I ever said the year was 1600 I'm just rounding to the closest century. obviously 'arry's a hip 17th Century sort of bloke, but if its happening in 1590 that just makes Im all the hipper. if we write in a few anachronisms that wouldnt be possible in 1590 I certainly wont notice.
Caractacus, Major Dalby negotiated the return of the scientist for money. Of course said scientist was now useless, his brain having been "washed" or "wiped".
The Shakespeare skit was I believe a part of a charity broadcast in the late 1980s. Very Blackadder.
I think it's safest to just use Borough Market. It's been around in one form or another for 800-1000 years, most of it at or near its present location.