1966. New York.Press briefing for “A Fine Madness” starring Sean Connery, directed by Irvin Kershner.
Producer: Right, I think we’re all set now so please, ask your questions!
1st Reporter: Yes, I’d like to ask Mr Bond if-
Connery: That’sh Mr CONNERY, thickhead.
1st Reporter: Oh yes, my mistake. Mr Connery, it would seem that you are making this film in between your James Bond films.
Connery: (Sighs wearily.) I’m not hearing a queshtion from you, oh cream of New York journalishm.
1st Reporter: (Trying to figure out if he has just been insulted or not*) Er, are you making this film in between making James Bond films?
Connery: Look, I’m not here to talk about Jamesh Bond, I’m here to talk about the movie I’m making, “A Fine Madnessh”.
2nd Reporter: All right, all right, please tell us about this film, Mr Connery.
Connery: I’m playing a poet called Shamshon Shillitoe-
2nd Reporter: Samson Sillitoe?
Connery: Not Shillitoe, it'sh Shillitoe! **
2nd Reporter: Er, got that.
Connery: I’m acting with Joanne Woodward and Jean Sheberg, and we’re being directed by Irvin Kershner.
3rd Reporter: Mr Kershner, what was your last film, please?
Kershner: That would be “The Luck of Ginger Coffey”.
3rd Reporter: And who was in that?
Kershner: Robert Shaw.
1st Reporter: Oh, he was in “From Russia With Love”, wasn’t he, Mr Connery?
Connery: (Brows lowering as he sees where this is going.) Yesh….
2nd Reporter: Did you enjoy making that film, Mr Connery?
Connery: (Patience being tested.) Lishten, I don’t know if you heard me earlier but I’m here to talk about “A Fine Madnessh” not Jamesh bloody Bond.
2nd Reporter: Oh, yes, of course. Are you enjoying working with Mr Kershner?
Connery: Why yesh, he’sh a good director and I hope that the two of ush might work together again shomeday.
3rd Reporter: Do you feel the same way, Mr Kershner?
Kershner: Yes, I’d look forward to it.
1st Reporter: Perhaps you could direct Mr Connery in a James Bond film?
(Connery growls.)
Kershner: I haven’t been asked, but…. Never say never!
*
He has.
** I question whoever thought it was a good idea to have Sean Connery, world-famous for S-retraction (ie pronouncing "s" like "sh"), play a character called "Samson Shillitoe".
PS- People all over the world think that Scottish people talk like Sean Connery (all jokes aside). We don't. I've lived in Scotland for over 60 years and never met anyone who speaks like Sir Sean. Most of us talk like Billy Connolly or possibly Ewan McGregor (when he isn't covering it up, or impersonating Sir Alec Guiness). Tom Conti does a sort of vague version unless called on to do otherwise.
Nevertheless, there is an unremovable Scottish twang to Sir Sean's speech. His voice is deep, much deeper than impressionists usually manage and deeper than Scots normally manage in everyday speech. It deepened as he aged, which is perfectly normal, and he displayed this in films such as "The Untouchables" (winning an Oscar in the process), "Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade", and perhaps most of all "The Hunt For Red October".
Sir Sean never tried to put on an American accent, an Irish accent, a Spanish accent, or a Russian accent, relying on his natural tones to carry the part. Both the box office and the award network proved the correctness of this approach. We here, however, are most concerned with his voice for the part of James Bond.
Ignoring the inevitable aspects of ageing (his "sh" becomes more evident as he gets older), the most important part of his voice is the way it bypasses the English (note: not British) class system. Before "Dr No", film heroes were identified by their position in the class system and afterwards it became less of an identifier. James Bond (ie Connery) didn't fit into the predesignated structure and opened the door to actors such as Michael Caine playing heroes rather than sidekicks. The 60s were a time of change, and this was one of the most significant parts of that.
Do you belive me when I say his Norwegian accent was spot-on in "The Red Tent"? So was his "Scandinavian" (a language only spoken by talk-show host Fredrik Skavlan) in Ransom. 🤔
Daniel Craig enters a sound booth. Watching from outside are Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson.
Craig reads the script in front of him. His jaw drops in disbelief.
DC: You’ve got to be f*cking kidding me, Barbara.
BB (pressing the microphone button to be heard by DC): Daniel, you didn’t want to do another Bond film after No Time To Die. The least you can do is read the narration for the teaser trailer. You promised. We’ve been reusing ideas from past Bond films since the sixties.
DC: But to remake THIS?!?
BB: You’re an impossible act to follow. This was the only way to re-imagine the character. (She bats her eyelashes at Craig) Please?
DC: Alright.
BB: Great…and...action!
Craig rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath.
DC: In a world on a precipice, only one person can save us all, but that one person need not be one...lone...man.
Casino Royale … is too much for one James Bond.
Henry Cavill is James Bond, 007.
Idris Elba is James Bond, 007.
Tom Hardy is James Bond, 007. (Craig raises a middle finger reading Hardy’s name)
Denise Richards is James Bond, 007.
Pierce Brosnan is Sir James Bond, 007.
Samuel L. Jackson is James Bond, 007.
Michael G. Wilson is James Bond, 007.
MGW (grinning like a Cheshire cat): Finally!
DC: Seth Rogan is James Bond, 007.
Rowan Atkinson is James Bond, 007.
Phoebe Waller-Bridge is James Bond, 007.
And William Shatner is the heavyweight megalomaniacal billionaire from SMERSH, Elon LeChiffre.
Casino Royale is too much for one James Bond.
Casino Royale Redux
Written by Neal Purvis and Robert Wade
Directed by Quentin Tarantino, Judd Apatow and Alex Kurtzman
This one sprang fully formed from my imagination like rather daft Athena from the head of Zeus. I figure in this film most of the James Bonds will die and the audience will be perfectly fine with it.
1961. The Times Literary Supplement interviews Ian Fleming on the publication of “Thunderball”.
Times: It’s a pleasure to meet you again, Mr Fleming.
Fleming: I’m delighted to be here.
Times: Can I offer you a drink?
Fleming: Yes, of course. Three measures of Gordons, one of -
Times: Yes, I remember from last time. Now, we’re here to talk about the publication of your ninth James Bond book, “Thunderball”.
Fleming: Yes, that’s right.
Times: Can you tell us a bit about it? The background, perhaps?
Fleming: Well, it all started about three years ago. To cut a long story short, I came up with the plot with the help of a film producer named Kevin McClory, a screenwriter called Jack Whittingham, and my friends Ivar Bryce and Ernie Cuneo. We intended to write a movie script, which Kevin is busy filming right now, and I wrote the novel from that plotline while duly giving credit.
Times: You gave them credit?
Fleming: Oh, yes. You’ll see, here. (He brings out a copy of “Thunderball”, the novel.)
Look, on the title page it says “Based on a Screen Treatment by Ian Fleming, Kevin McClory, Jack Whittingham, Ivar Bryce, Ernest Cuneo”.
Times: It’s good that you did that.
Fleming: What else could I do? If I hadn’t done that, then I could have been sued and there would have been all sorts of terrible consequences.
Times: You say it’s being made into a film right now?
Fleming: That’s right, Kevin is directing it. They’re over in the Bahamas at the moment, I plan to join them soon.
Times: Do you think it will be a success?
Fleming: Well, I certainly hope so and that they go on to make many, many more James Bond films.
Times: I had heard that other producers were interested in making your books into films…?
Fleming: I can’t talk too much about that, but without naming names an American and a Canadian working in partnership were interested, yes.
Times: How did those talks go?
Fleming: Well, Kevin has first crack of course so unless this film turns out to be a flop then Cubby and Ha…. I mean, the American and the Canadian are out of the picture, if you’ll pardon the pun.
Times: Well, thank you very much for your time, Mr Fleming. I hope your James Bond character continues to go from strength to strength.
Fleming: Thank you. You wouldn’t have another of those drinks available, would you….?
That’s very good @Barbel and I’m glad that that alternative universe didn’t happen as it probably would have been a flop and another Bond movie would never have happened. In real life, the ensuing court case no doubt hastened Fleming to an early grave 🥲
Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
1981. John Glen is directing the shooting of “For Your Eyes Only”. James Bond (Roger Moore) has chased Locque (Michael Gothard) to the top of a cliff. Locque’s car is now delicately balanced on the edge. Both Bond and Locque know this.
Bond: You left this with Ferrara, I believe.
(He contemptuously tosses a dove pin into the car. Locque is very frightened. There is a pause.)
Glen: (Quietly.) Kick the car, Roger.
Moore: We spoke about this, John.
Glen: Cut! Roger, you know that we agreed earlier that Bond should kick the car over the cliff.
Moore: I just… I just don’t think it’s right for my Bond, John.
(Inside the car, Michael Gothard tries to sit very still.)
Glen: James Bond is a killer, Roger. He kills people. You know, licenced to kill?
Moore: Yes, I know that, but over four films we’ve built up my version of the Bond character in a different way.
Glen: Your Bond has killed people many times!
(The car makes a small movement.)
Gothard: Er, guys…?
Moore: My James Bond kills people nicely!
Glen: Oh, yeah? How about in “The Spy Who Loved Me”? Sandor, the tie?
Moore: Oh, right, I forgot about that.
(The car begins to slide downwards.)
Gothard: John? John!
Glen: So you see my point?
Moore: All right, John, we’ll do it your way. I’ll kick the car.
(He looks around.)
Moore: Speaking of which, where is it?
(A cameraman points down the slope.)
Glen: Oh, that’s awful….. Did we get that on film?
1979. After their embarrassing visit to Hugo Drax, M, Bond, and the Minister of Defence walk alongside a canal.
Minister: I’ve never been so humiliated in all my life. Your man should be taken off the assignment. I’ll see you back at the consulate.
(He stomps off.)
M: I’ll have to do what he says.
Bond: Yes, well, before you do that sir, have a look at this.
(He reaches into his pocket and produces a cigarette case which doubles as a safe-cracking device.)
M: I prefer a pipe, as you know, 007.
Bond: (Searching through his pockets.) Yes, sir, sorry, sir.
(He clearly can’t find what he’s looking for.)
M: Come on, man.
Bond: Here sir, would you mind holding this?
(He hands M a handkerchief and a packet of six condoms, now only holding four, causing M to screw his face up in disgust.)
Bond: Just a minute, sir.
(He continues to empty his pockets into M’s hands as he searches for the vial which will prove his story. A miniaturised rebreather (suitable for short periods only, say about four minutes), a tiny camera labelled “007”,
and a Beretta.)
M: This damned Beretta again.
Bond: Please, not now, sir.
(Bond’s search is fruitless.)
Bond: (Reddening.) I, er, must have left it back at the hotel.
M: Really, 007!
(Bond helplessly puts his hands in the air, accidentally triggering the wrist dart mechanism Q was so proud of.
A cyanide-tipped dart heads straight for M’s heart, but is deflected by the rather sturdy hip flask which the admiral is fortunately in the habit of carrying. Nevertheless, the impact is enough to send M falling backwards into the canal.)
M: (Falling into the water.) James- why?
(The Minister comes running back, alarmed by the splash. M clumsily climbs the bank near them.)
1964. Auric Stud. Goldfinger and James Bond are drinking mint juleps.
Bond: You’re going to break into Fort Knox?
Goldfinger: In its vaults are fifteen billion dollars, the entire gold supply of the United States.
Bond: And what precisely do you mean to do with that, Goldfinger?
Goldfinger: Why, Mr Bond, I thought that should have been obvious. If I invest it wisely, which of course I shall, the operation of compound interest will mean that by 2022 I shall have enough to pay my electricity bill.
Pradeep: Lairs Incorporated, this is Pradeep speaking. How can I help you?
……..
Pradeep: Ah, Dr Kananga, how nice to hear from you again! What can we do for you this time?
……..
Pradeep: A table that drops through the floor? That shouldn’t be any problem.
…….
Pradeep: Ah, you want an identical table, with drinks, replacing the original table? Well, that may be difficult.
…….
Pradeep: Yes, of course your people can simply place another table over the top and put the drinks on it. You’ll have to arrange that yourself, of course.
…….
Pradeep: Another table problem? We are obviously willing to help.
……
Pradeep: ….table in a booth that rotates into the wall? Yes, we can manage that.
Pradeep: ….even though that would logically bring the table out into the street, you want it to bring the table into a well-planned lair? Well, I don’t know…
…….
Pradeep: Yes, of course, Dr Kananga, we’ll get to work on that straight away!
So, John Glen and I were thinking: John Terry as Felix Leiter again... That would work well for our story and help give continuity for Tim's Bond. Agreed? I'll give him a call...
Richard Maibaum:
Eh? Not so fast, young man...
Cubby:
You see, Michael.... Dick and I have been talking this over at the seniors' club. We think we need to be putting some "old" into the "old buddy"... Not to mention some "buddy"... How about David Hedison, for example....? Great friend of Roger's....
MGW:
Are you sure about that, Cubby? I mean, we're going to need someone able to dash around in a wedding suit in the Bahamas with a machine gun....
Cubby:
Like Dick said.... not so fast. Some slow motion could come in useful there.... David it is!
Jane Jenkins, Casting Director:
I've got this! And hey, I could always see whether Clifton James is available to play the officer investigating Della's murder....?
MGW:
(Mumbling under breath) This is where it ends, Commander!
Critics and material I don't need. I haven't changed my act in 53 years.
The Treasury has agreed to stake your energy bills.
Bond:
"Liz?" Well, I do hope 'Daily Mail' readers and the entire House of Commons give you hell when you announce that inevitable U-turn.
PM:
I've never seen so much money go out of the door so quickly...
Bond:
Or quite so stylishly. You do look fetching in a blue twin set. [Imitates a parrot.] Gi's a kiss, gi's a kiss...
PM:
[Flustered, patting own hair]
Well, really, Mister Bond! Ha ha ha...
Bond [sipping mint julep]:
I suppose you realise that if you cut taxes, reverse increases to National Insurance contributions, push up inflation and interest rates soar, our governmment will have directly tanked the public finances...
PM:
I've been very clear that... er... ummm... Skewered. Excuse me, Mister Bond. I need to get on with the job of appointing my new top team of unconditionally loyal political supporters. [Phones aide.] Sir Frederick Gray? Well, if you can exhume HIM, of course...
Critics and material I don't need. I haven't changed my act in 53 years.
Band Fan: I’m going back to see the new Bond film Skyfall again tonight. Wanna come with me?
Friend: Ha! I’m not falling for that again.
Bond Fan: What do you mean?
Friend: I went to see that last one with you and I didn’t enjoy that at all.
Bond Fan: Oh no, this one’s much better, I promise.
Friend: Is it the same director?
Bond Fan: No, it’s Sam Mendes, he’s good.
Friend: (Warily.) And it’s a different editor?
Bond Fan: Yes, they’ve got an editor who knows what he’s doing.
Friend: Is there a decent villain this time?
Bond Fan: Definitely, it has an excellent villain.
Friend: And the leading lady is a good actress?
Bond Fan: (Choosing his words carefully.) I think I can absolutely assure you that the leading lady is an actress who is better than just “good”. Acclaimed, in fact.
Friend: Will I have heard of her?
Bond Fan: Er… I would think so.
Friend: Hey, is there a good love scene?
Bond Fan: Well, it’s different…
Friend: (Almost convinced.) And for God’s sake, please tell me that Jack White isn’t doing the theme song.
1991. The Broccoli mansion. Barbara has brought her intended, Fred, back home to meet her family.
Fred: I don’t mind admitting, Barbara, that I’m just a little scared at meeting your parents for the first time.
BB: There’s nothing for you to worry about, Fred, my dad’s just a big old teddy bear- everybody loves him, and he’s gonna love you too. (She pokes him in the chest with her forefinger.)
Fred: Hmph….well, if you say so.
BB: Right, here we are. Are you ready?
Fred: Ready as I’ll ever be.
BB: Ok then….
(She opens the door to the well-appointed lounge. Cubby and Dana Broccoli are sitting comfortably, with Michael G. Wilson standing beside them.)
BB: Everyone, I’d like you meet Fred. These are my mother and father, and my brother Michael.
Fred: (Stuttering slightly.) H-hello there.
MGW: (Stepping forward to shake Fred’s hand.) Pleased to meet you.
Dana: Hello, Fred.
Fred: (Shaking her hand.) Hello, Mrs Broccoli.
Dana: Oh, call me Dana, please.
Cubby: (Knowing exactly what Fred is here for.) Hello, boy, have a seat.
Fred: Er, I’ll stand if you don’t mind.
Dana: Come with me, Barbara, let’s let the men have a chat.
BB: Er… of course, Mother.
(Dana and a hesitant BB leave the room.)
Cubby: So, what can we do for you, Ford?
Fred: Ah, it’s Fred, Mr Broccoli.
Cubby: Right.
Fred: Ah, no offence, Michael, but I was hoping to speak with Mr Broccoli alone.
Cubby: Michael is my stepson and full partner. Anything you have to say to me you can say in front of him.
Fred: I see. Well, sir, I… Barbara and I have grown really close and, er, I’ve come to ask for her hand in marriage.
MGW: Ah, right. Cubby, perhaps it might be best if I left…?
Cubby: You just stay right here. What is it that you do, Floyd?
Fred: (Not willing to upset his potential father-in-law by correcting him again at this point.) Well, I’m a movie producer.
MGW: Now, there’s a coincidence! That’s what Cubby and I do as well.
Fred: Er, yes, yes, I did know that. You’re rather famous for it, actually.
Cubby: Indeed, and now we come to the point. I’m over 80 now and it’s time for me to make plans for after I’m gone. Michael here is already my full partner and will carry on after I’ve departed in partnership with Barbara. That’s no secret, and as a concerned father I want to make sure that any suitors, such as yourself, aren’t after my daughter just because she has excellent prospects.
Fred: Oh, but Mr Broccoli, sir, I-
Cubby: I haven’t finished. I want to see what kind of man you are, Frank, to see if you’re worthy of my daughter.
Comments
1966. New York. Press briefing for “A Fine Madness” starring Sean Connery, directed by Irvin Kershner.
Producer: Right, I think we’re all set now so please, ask your questions!
1st Reporter: Yes, I’d like to ask Mr Bond if-
Connery: That’sh Mr CONNERY, thickhead.
1st Reporter: Oh yes, my mistake. Mr Connery, it would seem that you are making this film in between your James Bond films.
Connery: (Sighs wearily.) I’m not hearing a queshtion from you, oh cream of New York journalishm.
1st Reporter: (Trying to figure out if he has just been insulted or not*) Er, are you making this film in between making James Bond films?
Connery: Look, I’m not here to talk about Jamesh Bond, I’m here to talk about the movie I’m making, “A Fine Madnessh”.
2nd Reporter: All right, all right, please tell us about this film, Mr Connery.
Connery: I’m playing a poet called Shamshon Shillitoe-
2nd Reporter: Samson Sillitoe?
Connery: Not Shillitoe, it'sh Shillitoe! **
2nd Reporter: Er, got that.
Connery: I’m acting with Joanne Woodward and Jean Sheberg, and we’re being directed by Irvin Kershner.
3rd Reporter: Mr Kershner, what was your last film, please?
Kershner: That would be “The Luck of Ginger Coffey”.
3rd Reporter: And who was in that?
Kershner: Robert Shaw.
1st Reporter: Oh, he was in “From Russia With Love”, wasn’t he, Mr Connery?
Connery: (Brows lowering as he sees where this is going.) Yesh….
2nd Reporter: Did you enjoy making that film, Mr Connery?
Connery: (Patience being tested.) Lishten, I don’t know if you heard me earlier but I’m here to talk about “A Fine Madnessh” not Jamesh bloody Bond.
2nd Reporter: Oh, yes, of course. Are you enjoying working with Mr Kershner?
Connery: Why yesh, he’sh a good director and I hope that the two of ush might work together again shomeday.
3rd Reporter: Do you feel the same way, Mr Kershner?
Kershner: Yes, I’d look forward to it.
1st Reporter: Perhaps you could direct Mr Connery in a James Bond film?
(Connery growls.)
Kershner: I haven’t been asked, but…. Never say never!
*
He has.
** I question whoever thought it was a good idea to have Sean Connery, world-famous for S-retraction (ie pronouncing "s" like "sh"), play a character called "Samson Shillitoe".
PS- People all over the world think that Scottish people talk like Sean Connery (all jokes aside). We don't. I've lived in Scotland for over 60 years and never met anyone who speaks like Sir Sean. Most of us talk like Billy Connolly or possibly Ewan McGregor (when he isn't covering it up, or impersonating Sir Alec Guiness). Tom Conti does a sort of vague version unless called on to do otherwise.
Nevertheless, there is an unremovable Scottish twang to Sir Sean's speech. His voice is deep, much deeper than impressionists usually manage and deeper than Scots normally manage in everyday speech. It deepened as he aged, which is perfectly normal, and he displayed this in films such as "The Untouchables" (winning an Oscar in the process), "Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade", and perhaps most of all "The Hunt For Red October".
Sir Sean never tried to put on an American accent, an Irish accent, a Spanish accent, or a Russian accent, relying on his natural tones to carry the part. Both the box office and the award network proved the correctness of this approach. We here, however, are most concerned with his voice for the part of James Bond.
Ignoring the inevitable aspects of ageing (his "sh" becomes more evident as he gets older), the most important part of his voice is the way it bypasses the English (note: not British) class system. Before "Dr No", film heroes were identified by their position in the class system and afterwards it became less of an identifier. James Bond (ie Connery) didn't fit into the predesignated structure and opened the door to actors such as Michael Caine playing heroes rather than sidekicks. The 60s were a time of change, and this was one of the most significant parts of that.
Do you belive me when I say his Norwegian accent was spot-on in "The Red Tent"? So was his "Scandinavian" (a language only spoken by talk-show host Fredrik Skavlan) in Ransom. 🤔
😁 Bride Of Barbel says his German was spot-on in the Bond movies she watched years ago, too.
Daniel Craig enters a sound booth. Watching from outside are Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson.
Craig reads the script in front of him. His jaw drops in disbelief.
DC: You’ve got to be f*cking kidding me, Barbara.
BB (pressing the microphone button to be heard by DC): Daniel, you didn’t want to do another Bond film after No Time To Die. The least you can do is read the narration for the teaser trailer. You promised. We’ve been reusing ideas from past Bond films since the sixties.
DC: But to remake THIS?!?
BB: You’re an impossible act to follow. This was the only way to re-imagine the character. (She bats her eyelashes at Craig) Please?
DC: Alright.
BB: Great…and...action!
Craig rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath.
DC: In a world on a precipice, only one person can save us all, but that one person need not be one...lone...man.
Casino Royale … is too much for one James Bond.
Henry Cavill is James Bond, 007.
Idris Elba is James Bond, 007.
Tom Hardy is James Bond, 007. (Craig raises a middle finger reading Hardy’s name)
Denise Richards is James Bond, 007.
Pierce Brosnan is Sir James Bond, 007.
Samuel L. Jackson is James Bond, 007.
Michael G. Wilson is James Bond, 007.
MGW (grinning like a Cheshire cat): Finally!
DC: Seth Rogan is James Bond, 007.
Rowan Atkinson is James Bond, 007.
Phoebe Waller-Bridge is James Bond, 007.
And William Shatner is the heavyweight megalomaniacal billionaire from SMERSH, Elon LeChiffre.
Casino Royale is too much for one James Bond.
Casino Royale Redux
Written by Neal Purvis and Robert Wade
Directed by Quentin Tarantino, Judd Apatow and Alex Kurtzman
Making a splash this December.
BB: Cut! That was perfect, Daniel.
DC: I got out just in time.
😁😁😁😁😁 Delicious!
This one sprang fully formed from my imagination like rather daft Athena from the head of Zeus. I figure in this film most of the James Bonds will die and the audience will be perfectly fine with it.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Still loving this thread! That last one got me thinking about a possible re-working of a classic trailer, re-applied to NTTD:
First... Sean Connery
Next... George Lazenby
Then... Sean Connery again!
Next... Roger Moore
Then... Timothy Dalton
Last... Pierce Brosnan
Now... Welcome honourable OO7...
He's the one and only... Daniel Craig...
He's bigger than life, facing a single death...
in 'No Time To Die'... and death is the only way to die!
Nomi: We're too late.
Mallory: Well, at least he died on the job!
Bond: This was my re-booted life...
Logan Ash: Felix is dead!
Bond: Blofeld is alive ... die, Blofeld, die!
[The entire cast fall into a piranha pool]
All this... is just a drop in a chemical toxins processing plant...
Bond, the world's greatest gentleman spy... with a license to kill... or be killed!
Grabbing love wherever he finds it... in a monogamous relationship... everywhere!
[Wistful instrumental of 'We Have All The Time In The World']
Bond: Was I stoopid to love you, was I weckless to help, was it obvious to evwybody else?
The odds are a thousand to one, but...
Bond: I'm not going to make it!
[Multiple explosions]
No matter what the odds... HE doesn't stand a chance... against... Rami Malek, Lyutsifer Safin!
[More explosions... white-out!]
Cary Joji Fukunaga: MGW says... from now on you do everything Barbara Broccoli style!
Bond fans: Everything?
[Final bars of the James Bond Theme]
Just to avoid any misunderstandings, people: don't belive me in this. 😂
Surely not?
@Shady Tree well, you and @Westward_Drift have given us a new avenue to explore....
After 50 years the penny dropped…😆 it’s ok @Number24 we believe you,,,😉
😁😁😁
I'm often fear that people will take me seriously.....😳
How different things could have been.....
1961. The Times Literary Supplement interviews Ian Fleming on the publication of “Thunderball”.
Times: It’s a pleasure to meet you again, Mr Fleming.
Fleming: I’m delighted to be here.
Times: Can I offer you a drink?
Fleming: Yes, of course. Three measures of Gordons, one of -
Times: Yes, I remember from last time. Now, we’re here to talk about the publication of your ninth James Bond book, “Thunderball”.
Fleming: Yes, that’s right.
Times: Can you tell us a bit about it? The background, perhaps?
Fleming: Well, it all started about three years ago. To cut a long story short, I came up with the plot with the help of a film producer named Kevin McClory, a screenwriter called Jack Whittingham, and my friends Ivar Bryce and Ernie Cuneo. We intended to write a movie script, which Kevin is busy filming right now, and I wrote the novel from that plotline while duly giving credit.
Times: You gave them credit?
Fleming: Oh, yes. You’ll see, here. (He brings out a copy of “Thunderball”, the novel.)
Look, on the title page it says “Based on a Screen Treatment by Ian Fleming, Kevin McClory, Jack Whittingham, Ivar Bryce, Ernest Cuneo”.
Times: It’s good that you did that.
Fleming: What else could I do? If I hadn’t done that, then I could have been sued and there would have been all sorts of terrible consequences.
Times: You say it’s being made into a film right now?
Fleming: That’s right, Kevin is directing it. They’re over in the Bahamas at the moment, I plan to join them soon.
Times: Do you think it will be a success?
Fleming: Well, I certainly hope so and that they go on to make many, many more James Bond films.
Times: I had heard that other producers were interested in making your books into films…?
Fleming: I can’t talk too much about that, but without naming names an American and a Canadian working in partnership were interested, yes.
Times: How did those talks go?
Fleming: Well, Kevin has first crack of course so unless this film turns out to be a flop then Cubby and Ha…. I mean, the American and the Canadian are out of the picture, if you’ll pardon the pun.
Times: Well, thank you very much for your time, Mr Fleming. I hope your James Bond character continues to go from strength to strength.
Fleming: Thank you. You wouldn’t have another of those drinks available, would you….?
That’s very good @Barbel and I’m glad that that alternative universe didn’t happen as it probably would have been a flop and another Bond movie would never have happened. In real life, the ensuing court case no doubt hastened Fleming to an early grave 🥲
1981. John Glen is directing the shooting of “For Your Eyes Only”. James Bond (Roger Moore) has chased Locque (Michael Gothard) to the top of a cliff. Locque’s car is now delicately balanced on the edge. Both Bond and Locque know this.
Bond: You left this with Ferrara, I believe.
(He contemptuously tosses a dove pin into the car. Locque is very frightened. There is a pause.)
Glen: (Quietly.) Kick the car, Roger.
Moore: We spoke about this, John.
Glen: Cut! Roger, you know that we agreed earlier that Bond should kick the car over the cliff.
Moore: I just… I just don’t think it’s right for my Bond, John.
(Inside the car, Michael Gothard tries to sit very still.)
Glen: James Bond is a killer, Roger. He kills people. You know, licenced to kill?
Moore: Yes, I know that, but over four films we’ve built up my version of the Bond character in a different way.
Glen: Your Bond has killed people many times!
(The car makes a small movement.)
Gothard: Er, guys…?
Moore: My James Bond kills people nicely!
Glen: Oh, yeah? How about in “The Spy Who Loved Me”? Sandor, the tie?
Moore: Oh, right, I forgot about that.
(The car begins to slide downwards.)
Gothard: John? John!
Glen: So you see my point?
Moore: All right, John, we’ll do it your way. I’ll kick the car.
(He looks around.)
Moore: Speaking of which, where is it?
(A cameraman points down the slope.)
Glen: Oh, that’s awful….. Did we get that on film?
Very good 😁
Thank you! 😊
1979. After their embarrassing visit to Hugo Drax, M, Bond, and the Minister of Defence walk alongside a canal.
Minister: I’ve never been so humiliated in all my life. Your man should be taken off the assignment. I’ll see you back at the consulate.
(He stomps off.)
M: I’ll have to do what he says.
Bond: Yes, well, before you do that sir, have a look at this.
(He reaches into his pocket and produces a cigarette case which doubles as a safe-cracking device.)
M: I prefer a pipe, as you know, 007.
Bond: (Searching through his pockets.) Yes, sir, sorry, sir.
(He clearly can’t find what he’s looking for.)
M: Come on, man.
Bond: Here sir, would you mind holding this?
(He hands M a handkerchief and a packet of six condoms, now only holding four, causing M to screw his face up in disgust.)
Bond: Just a minute, sir.
(He continues to empty his pockets into M’s hands as he searches for the vial which will prove his story. A miniaturised rebreather (suitable for short periods only, say about four minutes), a tiny camera labelled “007”,
and a Beretta.)
M: This damned Beretta again.
Bond: Please, not now, sir.
(Bond’s search is fruitless.)
Bond: (Reddening.) I, er, must have left it back at the hotel.
M: Really, 007!
(Bond helplessly puts his hands in the air, accidentally triggering the wrist dart mechanism Q was so proud of.
A cyanide-tipped dart heads straight for M’s heart, but is deflected by the rather sturdy hip flask which the admiral is fortunately in the habit of carrying. Nevertheless, the impact is enough to send M falling backwards into the canal.)
M: (Falling into the water.) James- why?
(The Minister comes running back, alarmed by the splash. M clumsily climbs the bank near them.)
Minister: My God, Bond, what’s M doing?
Bond: I think he’s attempting re-entry, sir.
1989. The house of John Terry. He’s pacing up and down.
Mrs Terry: Oh, for heaven’s sake, John, sit down.
Terry: I can’t! I keep waiting for the phone to ring.
Mrs Terry: It will ring whether you’re sitting or standing.
Terry: I know, I know.
(He keeps pacing.)
Mrs Terry: Just sit down, John, I’ll make you a cup of coffee.
Terry: They’ve got to phone, they’ve got to.
Mrs Terry: If they want you, they’ll call.
Terry: They have to call!
Mrs Terry: What makes you think they’ll call?
Terry: You remember the last James Bond movie, “The Living Daylights”?
Mrs Terry: Yes, of course. You were in that.
Terry: I was playing Felix Leiter- you know, James Bond’s best friend.
Mrs Terry: I remember.
Terry: It wasn’t a large part, but I’ve read about this new film they’re making.
Mrs Terry: Oh yes, “Licence Revoked”.
Terry: They’ve changed the title, it’s now called “Licence To Kill”.
Mrs Terry: Oh, right.
Terry: And Felix is a lot more important in this film. It starts off with him getting married, and James is the best man, of course.
Mrs Terry: Obviously.
Terry: But the bad guys kill Felix’s wife and feed him to a shark. This sets James off on a…. (Reads from a newspaper.) “Roaring rampage of revenge.”
Mrs Terry: But what makes you think it will be you again?
Terry: I’m the most recent Felix! The last guy was sixteen years ago, in Roger Moore’s first Bond movie.
Mrs Terry: Well, they might want him back.
Terry: No way- he’s the same age as Roger Moore, he’ll be over 60 by now. I’m a couple of years younger than Timothy Dalton, it has to be me!
Mrs Terry: (Watching her carpet get worn away.) Well, if you say so, darling, but I just wish you’d sit down. Here, have some coffee.
(Terry reluctantly sits down, the phone within easy reach.)
Terry: All right. I’ll try to be patient....
1964. Auric Stud. Goldfinger and James Bond are drinking mint juleps.
Bond: You’re going to break into Fort Knox?
Goldfinger: In its vaults are fifteen billion dollars, the entire gold supply of the United States.
Bond: And what precisely do you mean to do with that, Goldfinger?
Goldfinger: Why, Mr Bond, I thought that should have been obvious. If I invest it wisely, which of course I shall, the operation of compound interest will mean that by 2022 I shall have enough to pay my electricity bill.
(Bond spits his mint julep.)
With thanks to @Gymkata
1973.
Pradeep: Lairs Incorporated, this is Pradeep speaking. How can I help you?
……..
Pradeep: Ah, Dr Kananga, how nice to hear from you again! What can we do for you this time?
……..
Pradeep: A table that drops through the floor? That shouldn’t be any problem.
…….
Pradeep: Ah, you want an identical table, with drinks, replacing the original table? Well, that may be difficult.
…….
Pradeep: Yes, of course your people can simply place another table over the top and put the drinks on it. You’ll have to arrange that yourself, of course.
…….
Pradeep: Another table problem? We are obviously willing to help.
……
Pradeep: ….table in a booth that rotates into the wall? Yes, we can manage that.
Pradeep: ….even though that would logically bring the table out into the street, you want it to bring the table into a well-planned lair? Well, I don’t know…
…….
Pradeep: Yes, of course, Dr Kananga, we’ll get to work on that straight away!
Top marks, Barbel!
🙂🙂🙂
1988. Casting conference.
MGW:
So, John Glen and I were thinking: John Terry as Felix Leiter again... That would work well for our story and help give continuity for Tim's Bond. Agreed? I'll give him a call...
Richard Maibaum:
Eh? Not so fast, young man...
Cubby:
You see, Michael.... Dick and I have been talking this over at the seniors' club. We think we need to be putting some "old" into the "old buddy"... Not to mention some "buddy"... How about David Hedison, for example....? Great friend of Roger's....
MGW:
Are you sure about that, Cubby? I mean, we're going to need someone able to dash around in a wedding suit in the Bahamas with a machine gun....
Cubby:
Like Dick said.... not so fast. Some slow motion could come in useful there.... David it is!
Jane Jenkins, Casting Director:
I've got this! And hey, I could always see whether Clifton James is available to play the officer investigating Della's murder....?
MGW:
(Mumbling under breath) This is where it ends, Commander!
😁😁😁 I see you've found those files of notes taken by the bug under Eon's table...
As a follow up to the brilliant new take on Goldfinger's motivation... Forgive the UK political satire...
Successful Conservative Leadership Candidate (PM):
I'm the money.
Anxious Electorate (Bond):
Every penny of it?
PM:
The Treasury has agreed to stake your energy bills.
Bond:
"Liz?" Well, I do hope 'Daily Mail' readers and the entire House of Commons give you hell when you announce that inevitable U-turn.
PM:
I've never seen so much money go out of the door so quickly...
Bond:
Or quite so stylishly. You do look fetching in a blue twin set. [Imitates a parrot.] Gi's a kiss, gi's a kiss...
PM:
[Flustered, patting own hair]
Well, really, Mister Bond! Ha ha ha...
Bond [sipping mint julep]:
I suppose you realise that if you cut taxes, reverse increases to National Insurance contributions, push up inflation and interest rates soar, our governmment will have directly tanked the public finances...
PM:
I've been very clear that... er... ummm... Skewered. Excuse me, Mister Bond. I need to get on with the job of appointing my new top team of unconditionally loyal political supporters. [Phones aide.] Sir Frederick Gray? Well, if you can exhume HIM, of course...
👍👍👍👍
You've nailed her exactly, Shady. I'm very keen to see exactly what her plans are for helping with the energy bills. Me and 60 million other people.
2012. Bond Fan phones his best friend.
Friend: Hello?
Bond Fan: Hi, it’s me. Are you busy tonight?
Friend: No, nothing happening. What’s up?
Band Fan: I’m going back to see the new Bond film Skyfall again tonight. Wanna come with me?
Friend: Ha! I’m not falling for that again.
Bond Fan: What do you mean?
Friend: I went to see that last one with you and I didn’t enjoy that at all.
Bond Fan: Oh no, this one’s much better, I promise.
Friend: Is it the same director?
Bond Fan: No, it’s Sam Mendes, he’s good.
Friend: (Warily.) And it’s a different editor?
Bond Fan: Yes, they’ve got an editor who knows what he’s doing.
Friend: Is there a decent villain this time?
Bond Fan: Definitely, it has an excellent villain.
Friend: And the leading lady is a good actress?
Bond Fan: (Choosing his words carefully.) I think I can absolutely assure you that the leading lady is an actress who is better than just “good”. Acclaimed, in fact.
Friend: Will I have heard of her?
Bond Fan: Er… I would think so.
Friend: Hey, is there a good love scene?
Bond Fan: Well, it’s different…
Friend: (Almost convinced.) And for God’s sake, please tell me that Jack White isn’t doing the theme song.
(He crosses his fingers.)
Bond Fan: Nope, this time Adele is doing the-
Friend: Okay, I’m in. What time does it start?
M E E T
T H E
B R O C C O L I S
1991. The Broccoli mansion. Barbara has brought her intended, Fred, back home to meet her family.
Fred: I don’t mind admitting, Barbara, that I’m just a little scared at meeting your parents for the first time.
BB: There’s nothing for you to worry about, Fred, my dad’s just a big old teddy bear- everybody loves him, and he’s gonna love you too. (She pokes him in the chest with her forefinger.)
Fred: Hmph….well, if you say so.
BB: Right, here we are. Are you ready?
Fred: Ready as I’ll ever be.
BB: Ok then….
(She opens the door to the well-appointed lounge. Cubby and Dana Broccoli are sitting comfortably, with Michael G. Wilson standing beside them.)
BB: Everyone, I’d like you meet Fred. These are my mother and father, and my brother Michael.
Fred: (Stuttering slightly.) H-hello there.
MGW: (Stepping forward to shake Fred’s hand.) Pleased to meet you.
Dana: Hello, Fred.
Fred: (Shaking her hand.) Hello, Mrs Broccoli.
Dana: Oh, call me Dana, please.
Cubby: (Knowing exactly what Fred is here for.) Hello, boy, have a seat.
Fred: Er, I’ll stand if you don’t mind.
Dana: Come with me, Barbara, let’s let the men have a chat.
BB: Er… of course, Mother.
(Dana and a hesitant BB leave the room.)
Cubby: So, what can we do for you, Ford?
Fred: Ah, it’s Fred, Mr Broccoli.
Cubby: Right.
Fred: Ah, no offence, Michael, but I was hoping to speak with Mr Broccoli alone.
Cubby: Michael is my stepson and full partner. Anything you have to say to me you can say in front of him.
Fred: I see. Well, sir, I… Barbara and I have grown really close and, er, I’ve come to ask for her hand in marriage.
MGW: Ah, right. Cubby, perhaps it might be best if I left…?
Cubby: You just stay right here. What is it that you do, Floyd?
Fred: (Not willing to upset his potential father-in-law by correcting him again at this point.) Well, I’m a movie producer.
MGW: Now, there’s a coincidence! That’s what Cubby and I do as well.
Fred: Er, yes, yes, I did know that. You’re rather famous for it, actually.
Cubby: Indeed, and now we come to the point. I’m over 80 now and it’s time for me to make plans for after I’m gone. Michael here is already my full partner and will carry on after I’ve departed in partnership with Barbara. That’s no secret, and as a concerned father I want to make sure that any suitors, such as yourself, aren’t after my daughter just because she has excellent prospects.
Fred: Oh, but Mr Broccoli, sir, I-
Cubby: I haven’t finished. I want to see what kind of man you are, Frank, to see if you’re worthy of my daughter.
Fred: I can assure you-
Cubby: Never mind that. Come with me….
(To Be Continued...)