A Slow Day At AJB
Moore Not Less
Posts: 1,095MI6 Agent
It's a slow day at AJB and I am bored. What shall I do to occupy the time while I wait for things to liven up round here? It might help if I read some posts. I will begin at the top with Hardyboy, he has more posts than anyone and they are always precise and to the point. Let's try this one:
This topic is closed!
Not a great start. I will try another one:
This topic is closed!
And another:
This topic is closed!
Doh! Never mind, I will try someone else. Ah, Loeffelholz, the esteemed German who is usually in position with an articulate and intelligent comment or two. Here I go then:
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?
Yes, well. That must have been a one off. I will read another post:
And you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful house
And you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful wife
Same as he ever was. Who is next? Ah yes, Dan Same. He is usually on the mark with facts and figures:
My least favourite, 10th on my list, top ranked, 6th, 14th, 7th, 17.658472, worst, best, ranked, ranking, list, listings, rank, rank, RANK.
Oh, my head is spinning. This is not working, I will have to try something else. I see I have some new PM's. Yes, I will look and see who they are from and maybe reply to some of them. That should keep the boredom away for a while. Here I go then:
Private Messages
From...............Subject
Loeffelholz -- Once In A Lifetime
Dan Same -- Skippy is my top ranked kangaroo
blueman -- Na...Na...Na...Na.Na.Na.Na...Hey Dude
jetsetwilly -- The night wetmetwilly
Willie Garvin -- Help The Aged
Monique -- Hello Big Boy
highhopes -- Motorbiking side saddle with Pamela Anderson
Napoleon Plural -- My new earpiece
RogueAgent -- I've just cut my ear off
Barbara Broccoli -- Me, Daniel, suck fingers, shower
MBE -- Me, Pierce, suck fingers, shower
Alex -- Me, Christopher Lee, bite necks, shower
The Cat -- Me, Martin Campbell, knife, shower
Sir Miles -- I hate Predator
Predator -- I hate the Alien
Moonraker 5 -- I hate everyone
Lady Rose -- Timothy sucks, I love Roger
Bill Tanner -- I love Shell Suits
darenhat -- I love CR, don't tell Hardy
Hardyboy -- I love CnB, don't tell anyone
Lazenby880 -- I love CBn, tell everyone
TonyDP -- I love myself, I don't care who you tell
SiCo -- Your request
Yes, my moment of true destiny has arrived. My request to Sico to consider me as a moderator has been answered. I should have been running AJB years ago, considering my legendary posts and magnificent intelligence. Will power corrupt me? ABSOLUTELY! it will :v
I will close more topics than Hardy. That will gain his respect and gain fear from the other mod's. I will then take over AJB. Next, WORLD DOMINATION! Now, it's time for SiCo to reveal my TRUE INEVITABLE DESTINY!!!
) ) ) You, MNL ) ) ) a moderator ) ) ) I can't take much more of this my guts are exploding ) ) )
Well, that was rather harsh. It cetainly hasn't done anything to lift my mood. Now I am bored and depressed. Perhaps I should go elsewhere and come back later. I will have a look at my Favourites list:
My Favourites
Absolutely James Bond
Keep Your British End Up
Viagra Volcano's Guaranteed
Rub The Rasturbator
Mud Wrestling 3'somes
Wobbly Jugglies
Spank My Booty
Pussy Galore
Fanny By Gaslight
Plenty O' Toole & Goodhead
Legover Land
Bendover Surprise
JennyFlexFanFetish
Sir Miles High Club
Roger Moore MOORE MOORE!
I think I will stay with AJB. I'd only be bored stiff elsewhere. Well, I can't sit here twiddling my fingers.......Why don't I try Fan Fiction? Yes, the idea's are already flooding into my head. Now, let's see.......
It's a very cold dark night and a shadowy figure walks hurredly outside CnB towers. It's Ernst "Fatso" Bloated, the money and real power behind CnB (CraignotBond) and SPECTRB (Special Priority Eliminate Craig Then Re-instate Brosnan). Little is known about this man apart from his menacing voice and his great fondness for stroking pussy's.
Bloated has just disposed of the body of Stephanie Broadchest, the head of MI6's James Bond internet site. One by one all the leading figures of all the Bond sites on the net have been killed off by him, now only SiCo survives. It's all part of his plan. First, take over the Bond internet sites. Second, take over Eon eliminate Craig, re-instate Brosnan. Third, WORLD DOMINATION!......Same old dream.
Bloated is eager to get inside his centrally heated office and warm himself up as quick as he can. When he gets there he is surprised to find SiCo seated in one of his chairs, but he doesn't let on.
Bloated: "Hello, old man."
SiCo: "Less of the old."
Bloated: "New shirt? I hope my central heating isn't causing you to perspire?"
SiCo: "You needn't worry."
Bloated: "I shall enjoy running the show from now on and give you a well earned permanent rest.
SiCo: (Defiantly) "You will never strip AJB from me. Whatever is left of me. Whatever I have made AJB into. It's mine."
Bloated: (Produces a gun from top drawer of his desk) "I can't remember if I used five or six bullets in all the excitement."
SiCo: "How did she die?"
Bloated: "Stephanie?......Not well."
SiCo: "You enjoyed killing those people?"
Bloated: "Well, I wouldn't be very good at my job if I didn't."
This is the moment that Bloated has planned and waited for over the last year. SiCo is the last of the leading figures and Bloated has him exactly where he want's him. He intends to enjoy the moment to the full.
Bloated: "You should have armed yourself because no one else here will save you. The odds have betrayed you and I am replacing you. I can't deny the pride I will feel when I kill you. I'm longing to kill you. Are you ready to die? You'll soon be cold, you're not surviving. SiCo, You Know My Name."
Bloated's ego is positively in the stratosphere now. Nothing can stop him, AJB is doomed, DOOMED! I tell you.
Bloated: "Being as this is a Walther PPK, one of the most girlie handguns in the world. And could blow your head clean off after twenty shots. You've got to ask yourself one question, 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you, PUNK!
Sico: "Yes......considerably."
The sound of a gunshot reverberates all round CnB Towers, but it's not SiCo's body that slumps to the floor.
SiCo: "I knew where you kept your girlie Walther......OLD MAN!
Before Bloated's arrival, SiCo had cleverly fixed Bloated's gun so that if he were to use it against him it would backfire on himself.
SiCo calmly picks up the late Bloated's phone and makes a call to AJB HQ. Only SiCo's half of the conversation can be heard.
SiCo: "Who is that?"......"Pamela Anderson"......"Is that you, Hardy?"......"Trust me, Hardy. I can assure you that you have an even more pressing engagement with me here at CnB Towers."
At the exact same moment in another part of the world Sean Connery is coming to the end of a medical check up. He want's to be certain that he is fit enough to travel to Italy by car.
Doctor No: "Have you drank any alcoholic beverages in the last twenty four hours?"
Connery: "No, I have not."
Doctor No: "Wonderful. That's just what I wanted to hear. Now, I have one final test for you Mr Connery. Please repeat what I say next after me. Sixty six security service personnel wearing suit's, shirt's, socks and shoes sat on sixty six seperate sofa's."
Connery: "Shixty, shix, shecurity, shervish, pershonnel, wearing shuit'sh, shirt'sh, shocksh and shoesh shat on shixty shix sheperate shofa'sh."
Doctor No: "I'm sorry, could you repeat that......On second thoughts I will give you a clean bill of health."
Connery: "Exschellent."
The next morning, a surprisingly youthfull looking Connery is driving along the Italian Riviera in a Citroen C6. He's on his way to a lakeside villa where he will spend the Christmas holiday counting all the money he has taken out of Scotland with the help of the SNP (Scottish Naff Party) over the last fifty years.
Connery sings: "For auld lang shyne, my dear, for auld lang shyne. Let all of Schotland be forgot and buried for all of time."
Connery now turns his mind to the Christmas gifts he will send the other five Bond actors.
Connery: "Yesh, I will shend my old mate Roger a Chrishmash card jusht to remind him that I am the besht ever Bond. I will shend him a ventiliquishtsh dummy as a preshent. They are shtiff, they are good at raishing their eyebrowsh, and they are good for a laugh. I will shend Timothy a birdsh nesht with an egg on top, he can park hish backshide on it and brood ash much ash he likesh. I will shend Piersh a Dracula outfit so he can perfect hish technique. He bitesh women on the shouldersh inshtead of the neck when they are living. When they are dead he jusht hoversh over them and shniffsh them.....On shecond thoughtsh, maybe I should shend Timothy the Dracula outfit to go with hish LTK Dracula haircut? I will shend Daniel a very threatening Chrishmash card telling him to shtay off my patch ash the besht ever Bond. Oh, I nearly forgot about George. I will shend him a piesh of wood."
Just as Connery is approaching the lakeside villa he has to swerve to avoid an oncoming Italian male on one of those scooters the Italian's seem to love so much. Connery sticks his head out of the window and gives him the one fingered salute.
Connery: "Hey! Watch it Pablo. I'm the besht ever Bond and don't you forget it."
Connery parks up at the villa, he gets out of the Citroen C6, removes the big suitcase of money from the boot and places it on the floor. He then stands and looks around saviouring the view. Suddenly, a shot reverberates around the lake and Connery slumps to the floor. Although in a state of shock he quickly assesses what's happened to him. He's been shot in the leg.
Connery: "Thish never happened to the other fella'sh."
Connery's badly exposed and desperately needs the cover that he will find inside the villa to give himself any chance of surviving. He cannot stand, so he crawls as fast as he can. As he gets to the steps of the villa he finds his path blocked by a very menacing kilted figure who is playing The Flower of Scotland on his bagpipes. These are no ordinary bagpipes, they can be easily converted into a sub-machine gun.
Connery: "I can't get up off my perfectly formed arsh."
Menacing kilted figure: "I noticed."
Connery: "Who are you?"
Menacing kilted figure: "The name's Moonraker 5. Angus Hoots Mon Och Aye The Noo Moonraker 5.
THE END
Well, I think I have something there, but it needs some work. Still bored. I see things are still quiet round here. Perhaps if I sing one of the Bond title theme's that might cheer me up a bit. How about Moonraker? Yes, everyone always seems to go on about GF & DAF, but MR is a classic. Dame Shirley was never better and John Barry really pumped up the brass. Now, if I can just remember the lyrics......
Where are you? There you are in Venice
Where this bird brain becomes a menace
As Bond makes his escape
This feathered fiend does a double take
So, stop the pigeon, stop the pigeon, stop the pigeon
Stop the pigeon, stop the pigeon, stop the pigeon
Stop that double take pigeon now!
Nab him, jab him, tab him, grab him
Muttley, stop that double take pigeon now!
Sagga fragga ragga Rick Rastardly
No, still bored. Nothing is working today, I may as well shoot myself.....Wait a moment, what a fool I have been. All this time I have wasted while I should have been reading my own legendary posts. I will start from my very first post and make my way from there. This should keep me going for ages. Now I am really excited. OK, here goes......Ten seconds later......gunshot, body slumps to the floor.
Just another very ordinary slow day at AJB.
This topic is closed!
Not a great start. I will try another one:
This topic is closed!
And another:
This topic is closed!
Doh! Never mind, I will try someone else. Ah, Loeffelholz, the esteemed German who is usually in position with an articulate and intelligent comment or two. Here I go then:
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?
Yes, well. That must have been a one off. I will read another post:
And you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful house
And you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful wife
Same as he ever was. Who is next? Ah yes, Dan Same. He is usually on the mark with facts and figures:
My least favourite, 10th on my list, top ranked, 6th, 14th, 7th, 17.658472, worst, best, ranked, ranking, list, listings, rank, rank, RANK.
Oh, my head is spinning. This is not working, I will have to try something else. I see I have some new PM's. Yes, I will look and see who they are from and maybe reply to some of them. That should keep the boredom away for a while. Here I go then:
Private Messages
From...............Subject
Loeffelholz -- Once In A Lifetime
Dan Same -- Skippy is my top ranked kangaroo
blueman -- Na...Na...Na...Na.Na.Na.Na...Hey Dude
jetsetwilly -- The night wetmetwilly
Willie Garvin -- Help The Aged
Monique -- Hello Big Boy
highhopes -- Motorbiking side saddle with Pamela Anderson
Napoleon Plural -- My new earpiece
RogueAgent -- I've just cut my ear off
Barbara Broccoli -- Me, Daniel, suck fingers, shower
MBE -- Me, Pierce, suck fingers, shower
Alex -- Me, Christopher Lee, bite necks, shower
The Cat -- Me, Martin Campbell, knife, shower
Sir Miles -- I hate Predator
Predator -- I hate the Alien
Moonraker 5 -- I hate everyone
Lady Rose -- Timothy sucks, I love Roger
Bill Tanner -- I love Shell Suits
darenhat -- I love CR, don't tell Hardy
Hardyboy -- I love CnB, don't tell anyone
Lazenby880 -- I love CBn, tell everyone
TonyDP -- I love myself, I don't care who you tell
SiCo -- Your request
Yes, my moment of true destiny has arrived. My request to Sico to consider me as a moderator has been answered. I should have been running AJB years ago, considering my legendary posts and magnificent intelligence. Will power corrupt me? ABSOLUTELY! it will :v
I will close more topics than Hardy. That will gain his respect and gain fear from the other mod's. I will then take over AJB. Next, WORLD DOMINATION! Now, it's time for SiCo to reveal my TRUE INEVITABLE DESTINY!!!
) ) ) You, MNL ) ) ) a moderator ) ) ) I can't take much more of this my guts are exploding ) ) )Well, that was rather harsh. It cetainly hasn't done anything to lift my mood. Now I am bored and depressed. Perhaps I should go elsewhere and come back later. I will have a look at my Favourites list:
My Favourites
Absolutely James Bond
Keep Your British End Up
Viagra Volcano's Guaranteed
Rub The Rasturbator
Mud Wrestling 3'somes
Wobbly Jugglies
Spank My Booty
Pussy Galore
Fanny By Gaslight
Plenty O' Toole & Goodhead
Legover Land
Bendover Surprise
JennyFlexFanFetish
Sir Miles High Club
Roger Moore MOORE MOORE!
I think I will stay with AJB. I'd only be bored stiff elsewhere. Well, I can't sit here twiddling my fingers.......Why don't I try Fan Fiction? Yes, the idea's are already flooding into my head. Now, let's see.......
It's a very cold dark night and a shadowy figure walks hurredly outside CnB towers. It's Ernst "Fatso" Bloated, the money and real power behind CnB (CraignotBond) and SPECTRB (Special Priority Eliminate Craig Then Re-instate Brosnan). Little is known about this man apart from his menacing voice and his great fondness for stroking pussy's.
Bloated has just disposed of the body of Stephanie Broadchest, the head of MI6's James Bond internet site. One by one all the leading figures of all the Bond sites on the net have been killed off by him, now only SiCo survives. It's all part of his plan. First, take over the Bond internet sites. Second, take over Eon eliminate Craig, re-instate Brosnan. Third, WORLD DOMINATION!......Same old dream.
Bloated is eager to get inside his centrally heated office and warm himself up as quick as he can. When he gets there he is surprised to find SiCo seated in one of his chairs, but he doesn't let on.
Bloated: "Hello, old man."
SiCo: "Less of the old."
Bloated: "New shirt? I hope my central heating isn't causing you to perspire?"
SiCo: "You needn't worry."
Bloated: "I shall enjoy running the show from now on and give you a well earned permanent rest.
SiCo: (Defiantly) "You will never strip AJB from me. Whatever is left of me. Whatever I have made AJB into. It's mine."
Bloated: (Produces a gun from top drawer of his desk) "I can't remember if I used five or six bullets in all the excitement."
SiCo: "How did she die?"
Bloated: "Stephanie?......Not well."
SiCo: "You enjoyed killing those people?"
Bloated: "Well, I wouldn't be very good at my job if I didn't."
This is the moment that Bloated has planned and waited for over the last year. SiCo is the last of the leading figures and Bloated has him exactly where he want's him. He intends to enjoy the moment to the full.
Bloated: "You should have armed yourself because no one else here will save you. The odds have betrayed you and I am replacing you. I can't deny the pride I will feel when I kill you. I'm longing to kill you. Are you ready to die? You'll soon be cold, you're not surviving. SiCo, You Know My Name."
Bloated's ego is positively in the stratosphere now. Nothing can stop him, AJB is doomed, DOOMED! I tell you.
Bloated: "Being as this is a Walther PPK, one of the most girlie handguns in the world. And could blow your head clean off after twenty shots. You've got to ask yourself one question, 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you, PUNK!
Sico: "Yes......considerably."
The sound of a gunshot reverberates all round CnB Towers, but it's not SiCo's body that slumps to the floor.
SiCo: "I knew where you kept your girlie Walther......OLD MAN!
Before Bloated's arrival, SiCo had cleverly fixed Bloated's gun so that if he were to use it against him it would backfire on himself.
SiCo calmly picks up the late Bloated's phone and makes a call to AJB HQ. Only SiCo's half of the conversation can be heard.
SiCo: "Who is that?"......"Pamela Anderson"......"Is that you, Hardy?"......"Trust me, Hardy. I can assure you that you have an even more pressing engagement with me here at CnB Towers."
At the exact same moment in another part of the world Sean Connery is coming to the end of a medical check up. He want's to be certain that he is fit enough to travel to Italy by car.
Doctor No: "Have you drank any alcoholic beverages in the last twenty four hours?"
Connery: "No, I have not."
Doctor No: "Wonderful. That's just what I wanted to hear. Now, I have one final test for you Mr Connery. Please repeat what I say next after me. Sixty six security service personnel wearing suit's, shirt's, socks and shoes sat on sixty six seperate sofa's."
Connery: "Shixty, shix, shecurity, shervish, pershonnel, wearing shuit'sh, shirt'sh, shocksh and shoesh shat on shixty shix sheperate shofa'sh."
Doctor No: "I'm sorry, could you repeat that......On second thoughts I will give you a clean bill of health."
Connery: "Exschellent."
The next morning, a surprisingly youthfull looking Connery is driving along the Italian Riviera in a Citroen C6. He's on his way to a lakeside villa where he will spend the Christmas holiday counting all the money he has taken out of Scotland with the help of the SNP (Scottish Naff Party) over the last fifty years.
Connery sings: "For auld lang shyne, my dear, for auld lang shyne. Let all of Schotland be forgot and buried for all of time."
Connery now turns his mind to the Christmas gifts he will send the other five Bond actors.
Connery: "Yesh, I will shend my old mate Roger a Chrishmash card jusht to remind him that I am the besht ever Bond. I will shend him a ventiliquishtsh dummy as a preshent. They are shtiff, they are good at raishing their eyebrowsh, and they are good for a laugh. I will shend Timothy a birdsh nesht with an egg on top, he can park hish backshide on it and brood ash much ash he likesh. I will shend Piersh a Dracula outfit so he can perfect hish technique. He bitesh women on the shouldersh inshtead of the neck when they are living. When they are dead he jusht hoversh over them and shniffsh them.....On shecond thoughtsh, maybe I should shend Timothy the Dracula outfit to go with hish LTK Dracula haircut? I will shend Daniel a very threatening Chrishmash card telling him to shtay off my patch ash the besht ever Bond. Oh, I nearly forgot about George. I will shend him a piesh of wood."
Just as Connery is approaching the lakeside villa he has to swerve to avoid an oncoming Italian male on one of those scooters the Italian's seem to love so much. Connery sticks his head out of the window and gives him the one fingered salute.
Connery: "Hey! Watch it Pablo. I'm the besht ever Bond and don't you forget it."
Connery parks up at the villa, he gets out of the Citroen C6, removes the big suitcase of money from the boot and places it on the floor. He then stands and looks around saviouring the view. Suddenly, a shot reverberates around the lake and Connery slumps to the floor. Although in a state of shock he quickly assesses what's happened to him. He's been shot in the leg.
Connery: "Thish never happened to the other fella'sh."
Connery's badly exposed and desperately needs the cover that he will find inside the villa to give himself any chance of surviving. He cannot stand, so he crawls as fast as he can. As he gets to the steps of the villa he finds his path blocked by a very menacing kilted figure who is playing The Flower of Scotland on his bagpipes. These are no ordinary bagpipes, they can be easily converted into a sub-machine gun.
Connery: "I can't get up off my perfectly formed arsh."
Menacing kilted figure: "I noticed."
Connery: "Who are you?"
Menacing kilted figure: "The name's Moonraker 5. Angus Hoots Mon Och Aye The Noo Moonraker 5.
THE END
Well, I think I have something there, but it needs some work. Still bored. I see things are still quiet round here. Perhaps if I sing one of the Bond title theme's that might cheer me up a bit. How about Moonraker? Yes, everyone always seems to go on about GF & DAF, but MR is a classic. Dame Shirley was never better and John Barry really pumped up the brass. Now, if I can just remember the lyrics......
Where are you? There you are in Venice
Where this bird brain becomes a menace
As Bond makes his escape
This feathered fiend does a double take
So, stop the pigeon, stop the pigeon, stop the pigeon
Stop the pigeon, stop the pigeon, stop the pigeon
Stop that double take pigeon now!
Nab him, jab him, tab him, grab him
Muttley, stop that double take pigeon now!
Sagga fragga ragga Rick Rastardly
No, still bored. Nothing is working today, I may as well shoot myself.....Wait a moment, what a fool I have been. All this time I have wasted while I should have been reading my own legendary posts. I will start from my very first post and make my way from there. This should keep me going for ages. Now I am really excited. OK, here goes......Ten seconds later......gunshot, body slumps to the floor.
Just another very ordinary slow day at AJB.
Comments
Just kidding! Great fun...although sorting out fact from fiction is kind of difficult, especially where your 'Favorites' are concerned.
{[]
Love the Van Gogh reference, MNL! Great post. {[]
Batman: "The Hammer Of Justice is UNISEX!"
-Batman: The Brave & The Bold -
Actually - I like that film, it's one of Arnie's best -{
The follow up is rubbish though
Touche {[]
But seriously :v , you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack...
"I am not an entrant in the Shakespeare Stakes." - Ian Fleming
"Screw 'em." - Daniel Craig, The Best James Bond EverTM
This topic is now closed :v
Therefore, I am relieved, pleased and grateful for the positive response to date. Thank you for the kind compliments.
I look forward to your days as a moderator; I wonder if your firm hand will bring about a despotic era of brutality as you hunt down those disloyal to your regime. Sure we will have order, but at what cost?! I fear the necessity of an underground network of freedom-loving men and women, rebelling against the establishment's view, drilled into each individual (although that term will not be encouraged) in topic after topic and post after post, that Roger Moore is the best Bond and that The Man with the Golden Gun is not utter crap. This revolutionary network will broadcast ostensible heresies; such as On Her Majesty's Secret Service being an excellent picture, Daniel Craig being the best Bond, Casino Royale being the best Bond picture and Colonel Sun being an unFlemingesque if gripping Bond novel; in order to light the flame of individual thought and overthrow MNL's Stalinistic crushing of dissent.
This dystopia may exist only in the future just now but be clear MNL: when the time comes you will not win!
Incidentally 'Rub The Rasturbator' is the name of my fish, while the last website on your 'My Favourites' list leads one to query whether there might be more to your appeciation of Roger Moore than thought previously...
Oops. :v
Traitor!
Not half as much as I do. :v
I take this to mean that you will be the founding member and leader of MNLnM.com (Moore Not Less not Moderator). RESISTANCE IS USELESS!
Regards George Lazenby & OHMSS. In all seriousness, I don't really dislike either George or the film. For years OHMSS was my least favourite, not anymore. As time has passed I have tended to concentrate more on what I really like about the film, e.g. the ski chase sequences. Same with George, I think he is perfectly fine in the action sequences, a pity some of them are sped up too much. Also, in one or two of the acting scenes he showed real potential, e.g. when Blofeld reveals his plan to Bond regarding the virus and "Those girls".
You may have a point there. Indeed, I think I shall ask Roger to marry me. :x
You say that now, however as your empire crumbles from within and you fret about how to retain power in your ivory tower you will come to see that we mere underlings, with determination, can influence things. The crumble of the Soviet Union will look like nothing in comparison. Just you wait. :v
And how could he refuse such an offer?
Only on seafood.
I'll start,
(edited by profanity filter)