Drax's Flying Stud Farm
Napoleon Plural
LondonPosts: 10,467MI6 Agent
"First there was the dream, now there is reality. Here in the untainted cradle of the heavens will be created a new super race, a race of perfect physical specimens. You have been selected as its progenitors. Like gods, your offspring will return to Earth and shape it in their image."
Thus spake our David Brent lookalike Hugo Drax, holding court over his yellow suited astronauts in his heavenly spinning top. I was watching Moonraker: The Ultimate Edition recently on the plasma TV and some things struck me as if for the first time...
I can't help thinking Drax's similarity to Ricky Gervais's Brent goes beyond slicked back hair, a dodgy beard and quipping wisecracks. Taking a look at his cargo of next generations, I'm not sure he's thought this one through.
For a start, there don't really seem to be many astronauts actually on board. He's addressing - what - about 200 people? Not many to create a new race... an outbreak of measles and that's mankind wiped out.
It's somehow assumed that the poison capsules will not just kill all humans, but make them vanish as well. Otherwise, well, the astronats will return to a planet rife with diseased, rotting corpes, strung out in city offices, hanging goulishly out of crashed cars on freeways. That's, what, over a billion corpses in a state of decay. Wow, nice to return to.
I suppose it could make for an eerie, strange sci-fi follow-up as the astronauts steer their shuttles back to Earth in 5 years' time and find it desolate, a literal no man's land. Followed by a Lord of the Flies style battle for survival. Otherwise, there's no other Bond film where you'd imagine the consequences of the villain's plan would prove so counterproductive. You can only imagine the staff had been brainwashed as part of some cult, but this isn't touched on upon.
How long would they be in space for before returning? Why the absence of water coolers in the space station?
Nor any sleeping facilities. Ken Adam's interiors eschew all of this.
Thus spake our David Brent lookalike Hugo Drax, holding court over his yellow suited astronauts in his heavenly spinning top. I was watching Moonraker: The Ultimate Edition recently on the plasma TV and some things struck me as if for the first time...
I can't help thinking Drax's similarity to Ricky Gervais's Brent goes beyond slicked back hair, a dodgy beard and quipping wisecracks. Taking a look at his cargo of next generations, I'm not sure he's thought this one through.
For a start, there don't really seem to be many astronauts actually on board. He's addressing - what - about 200 people? Not many to create a new race... an outbreak of measles and that's mankind wiped out.
It's somehow assumed that the poison capsules will not just kill all humans, but make them vanish as well. Otherwise, well, the astronats will return to a planet rife with diseased, rotting corpes, strung out in city offices, hanging goulishly out of crashed cars on freeways. That's, what, over a billion corpses in a state of decay. Wow, nice to return to.
I suppose it could make for an eerie, strange sci-fi follow-up as the astronauts steer their shuttles back to Earth in 5 years' time and find it desolate, a literal no man's land. Followed by a Lord of the Flies style battle for survival. Otherwise, there's no other Bond film where you'd imagine the consequences of the villain's plan would prove so counterproductive. You can only imagine the staff had been brainwashed as part of some cult, but this isn't touched on upon.
How long would they be in space for before returning? Why the absence of water coolers in the space station?
Nor any sleeping facilities. Ken Adam's interiors eschew all of this. "This is where we leave you Mr Bond."
Roger Moore 1927-2017
Roger Moore 1927-2017
Comments
But maybe he reckon's he's sorted... "Hey Ernie, yep, you'll be heading out there too... Oh, er, you're booked on Moonraker 7. Where is it? Yes, well, we had to keep it away from the other shuttles, we've got it kitted out with loads of gizmos, a Jacuzzi and so on, we didn't want to make the other astronauts jealous. Where is it? Oh, well, you see that big rock, about two miles away? No, not that one, the one next to it. Yep. Well, er , it opens up automatically once Moonraker 6 is in orbit. Then you'll see Moonraker 7. Yes, it does sound a bit like Thunderbirds, we modelled it on that...
"Who's driving? Well, that will be Doris, she'll meet you out there. Doris, you know, from catering. Thick set, glasses, you must know her... yes, she's done a few courses, in fact, she could teach us a thing or two! Anyway, she'll meet you out there, should be a breeze, just follow M6's trail lines... No, Ernie, don't power up the Jacuzzi when zero gravity is going... oh I don't know, you'll figure it out..."
Roger Moore 1927-2017
Up in the heavens, what do we see? A few whey-faced, frizzy haired 20somethings about to sire a continent of Justin Timberlake lookalikes... 8-)
To be fair, I noticed a ginger, so Drax isn't being a total fascist. The next line-up of Girls Aloud is guaranteed.
Just one black couple, I see. Now I bet they start bitching when they find Drax's masterplan is to have them sweep the floor and empty the trash...
Dwane: (Eddie Murphy voice): "Hey Mister Tunic Man! I aint taking out no trash for some white boy with an attitude! You KNOW what you can do with your jacka$$ five-year plan!"
Drax: "You will prosssscceed as instructed!"
Dwane: "I said back off Tunic Man, y'hear!"
Martha; "Dwane, honey, what's all this? You promised me a pay upgrade! Seems to me you've got yourself surrounded by white pu$$y! I just KNOW I could never have trusted you...
Anway, just one black couple on board seems like tokenism on Drax's part. I don't fancy his chances should the Equal Opportunities Commission pay him a visit (maybe that's why he needs the radar jamming sytem...
No, I can't help thinking that Hugo hasn't thought this one through. He's the Gordon Brown of Bond villains, he's been waiting all this time for dominance, then promptly screws up. Except, where's Mrs Drax? Even Gordon Brown knew he had to get married to have a chance of the top job! Drax has ticked all the boxes, but forgot to arrange himself some decent pu$$y in outer space!
Roger Moore 1927-2017
Take the unfortunate Disco Volante crew after disengagement. These soldiers of Spectre are dying in futility. If my boss was deserting me to certain doom, my hands would be up in surrender quicker then you could say "Spectre of Defeat". I'd help in pursuing too.
The MR scientists who perfected the nerve gas, would anyone have invited them onboard? They didn't look Garden of Eden to me. As for Drax's Stud farm. I need to view a few more sexy calisthenics to decide.