Mock The Week

3rbrown3rbrown MI6 Top Secret - Scotland, GlaPosts: 100MI6 Agent
edited July 2008 in Off Topic Chat
Scenes We'd like to see - you make a scene and the next person makes a joke on it eg

'Things you would't want to hear at the airport'

Laides and gentlemen we are just about to land and if you look to your right you will see the plane that will take you to your luggage.

Next - Things you would't want to hear at the doctors.
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Comments

  • stjimmy456stjimmy456 Manchester, EnglandPosts: 75MI6 Agent
    Dr. Jones is ill this week, you'll be seen by Dr. Shipman.




    'Things you wouldn't want to hear before your rollercoaster sets off.'
  • 3rbrown3rbrown MI6 Top Secret - Scotland, GlaPosts: 100MI6 Agent
    'Things you wouldn't want to hear before your rollercoaster sets off.'[/quote]

    'Before we set off a quick anussment from our constructor and sponcer, scalextric.'

    'What you wouldn't hear at the Baftes'
  • John DrakeJohn Drake On assignmentPosts: 2,564MI6 Agent
    3rbrown wrote:
    'What you wouldn't hear at the Baftes'

    "I would like to thank everybody involved in the making of this film. Except for Bob Hoskins. He can f**k off."

    Next: What you don't want to hear your Captain saying as your plane leaves the tarmac.
  • Mr MartiniMr Martini That nice house in the sky.Posts: 2,707MI6 Agent
    John Drake wrote:

    Next: What you don't want to hear your Captain saying as your plane leaves the tarmac.


    "Don't worry, we can fly the plane with only one engine."


    Next: Something you don't want to hear the chef say preparing your food.
    Some people would complain even if you hang them with a new rope
  • Sir Hillary BraySir Hillary Bray College of ArmsPosts: 2,174MI6 Agent
    Mr Martini wrote:
    Something you don't want to hear the chef say preparing your food.
    "Gezundheit, Francois. Please cover your mouth next time."

    Next:
    Something you don't want to hear from your taxi driver.
    Hilly...you old devil!
  • Dan SameDan Same Victoria, AustraliaPosts: 6,054MI6 Agent
    edited July 2008
    Something you don't want to hear from your taxi driver.
    "Don't worry about the smell. The police took away the body weeks ago and it's perfectly safe."

    Next: What you don't want to be told by your child's school principal.
    "He’s a man way out there in the blue, riding on a smile and a shoeshine. And when they start not smiling back—that’s an earthquake. and then you get yourself a couple of spots on your hat, and you’re finished. Nobody dast blame this man. A salesman is got to dream, boy. It comes with the territory." Death of a Salesman
  • stjimmy456stjimmy456 Manchester, EnglandPosts: 75MI6 Agent
    Dan Same wrote:
    Something you don't want to hear from your taxi driver.
    "Don't worry about the smell. The police took away the body weeks ago and it's perfectly safe."


    Next: What you don't want to be told by your child's school principal.






    THAT'S ILLEGAL ?!?!?!?!





    What you don't want to hear when a new James Bond actor report is about to come on the news....
  • PendragonPendragon ColoradoPosts: 2,640MI6 Agent
    What you don't want to hear when a new James Bond actor report is about to come on the news....

    "we learn today that Gilbert Godfried is set to play James Bond in the next 10 films..."


    next: something you don't want to hear at a concert that you've been waiting all year for...

    ~Pen -{
    Hey! Observer! You trying to get yourself Killed?

    mountainburdphotography.wordpress.com
  • Dan SameDan Same Victoria, AustraliaPosts: 6,054MI6 Agent
    Pendragon wrote:
    next: something you don't want to hear at a concert that you've been waiting all year for...
    "It has been brought to our attention that Anthony Field, the blue Wiggle, recently failed his police check, and so will not be appearing before you today."

    Next: What you don't want to be told by your parents at 2:00 in the morning.
    "He’s a man way out there in the blue, riding on a smile and a shoeshine. And when they start not smiling back—that’s an earthquake. and then you get yourself a couple of spots on your hat, and you’re finished. Nobody dast blame this man. A salesman is got to dream, boy. It comes with the territory." Death of a Salesman
  • John DrakeJohn Drake On assignmentPosts: 2,564MI6 Agent
    Dan Same wrote:
    Next: What you don't want to be told by your parents at 2:00 in the morning.

    "Hey son, you didn't wait up for us did you? You know these swingers parties always finish late."

    Next. What you don't want the dentist to tell you before he takes out a tooth.
  • Sir Hillary BraySir Hillary Bray College of ArmsPosts: 2,174MI6 Agent
    John Drake wrote:
    What you don't want the dentist to tell you before he takes out a tooth.
    "Hmm...all your fillings are solid gold, aren't they?"

    Next:
    What you don't want to hear from the washroom attendant.
    Hilly...you old devil!
  • FelixLeiter ♀FelixLeiter ♀ Staffordshire or a pubPosts: 1,286MI6 Agent
    edited July 2008
    "Did you see that cockroach just? Must have been 2 inches long at least! Well not so bad - but this morning I saw a - not joking here - 7 inch long one!"

    Next: What line would never make it into the next Bond film?
    Relax darling, I'm on top of the situation -{
  • stjimmy456stjimmy456 Manchester, EnglandPosts: 75MI6 Agent
    edited July 2008
    "Did you see that cockroach just? Must have been 2 inches long at least! Well not so bad - but this morning I saw a - not joking here - 7 inch long one!"

    Next: What line would never make it into the next Bond film?



    President Clinton is over here meeting Prime Minister Cameron, Bond, we need top security in London.
  • John DrakeJohn Drake On assignmentPosts: 2,564MI6 Agent
    edited July 2008
    {[] Your turn stjimmy.
  • agent colinagent colin Posts: 5MI6 Agent
    what not to say on your first day at work
  • DrMaybeDrMaybe Posts: 204MI6 Agent
    what not to say on your first day at work

    "So boss, that's a mighty sexy picture of your wife and daughter! They're REALLY hot!"

    What not to say at a Ku Klux Klan rally?
  • Dan SameDan Same Victoria, AustraliaPosts: 6,054MI6 Agent
    edited October 2008
    DrMaybe wrote:
    What not to say at a Ku Klux Klan rally?
    "BTW, I forgot to tell you, but I'm Jewish." :v

    Next: what not to say when you first meet your possible future in-laws for the first time...

    Thanks Dr for bringing back this superb topic. {[]
    "He’s a man way out there in the blue, riding on a smile and a shoeshine. And when they start not smiling back—that’s an earthquake. and then you get yourself a couple of spots on your hat, and you’re finished. Nobody dast blame this man. A salesman is got to dream, boy. It comes with the territory." Death of a Salesman
  • John DrakeJohn Drake On assignmentPosts: 2,564MI6 Agent
    Dan Same wrote:

    Next: what not to say when you first meet your possible future in-laws for the first time...

    "Christ on a bike! Is that your mum? I hope you're not going to end up looking like that!"

    Next: How not to react when your other half tells you they love you.
  • DrMaybeDrMaybe Posts: 204MI6 Agent
    I didn't Dan, but I'll take a pat on the back anytime! ;)


    Next: How not to react when your other half tells you they love you.

    "You and 40 other women!"

    What not to say to a car mechanic?
  • JamesbondjrJamesbondjr Posts: 462MI6 Agent
    DrMaybe wrote:
    I didn't Dan, but I'll take a pat on the back anytime! ;)


    Next: How not to react when your other half tells you they love you.

    "You and 40 other women!"

    What not to say to a car mechanic?

    'I think it's a problem with the flux capacitor'

    next

    What not to say to your blind date
    1- On Her Majesty's Secret Service 2- Casino Royale 3- Licence To Kill 4- Goldeneye 5- From Russia With Love
  • A7ceA7ce Birmingham, EnglandPosts: 656MI6 Agent
    [

    What not to say to your blind date


    'Hey you look so much like my sister'

    next
    What not to say at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting
  • DrMaybeDrMaybe Posts: 204MI6 Agent
    A7ce wrote:

    next
    What not to say at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting

    "Court order, smort order. Let's go out in the parking lot and burn one!"

    What not to say to a 350 lb. Samoan?
  • Dan SameDan Same Victoria, AustraliaPosts: 6,054MI6 Agent
    DrMaybe wrote:
    What not to say to a 350 lb. Samoan?
    "So I guess, what with all your best players joining New Zealand, you're not going to be fielding a team in the 2011 World Cup?" :v

    Next: What not to say when informed by your ex-partner that s/he is getting married.
    "He’s a man way out there in the blue, riding on a smile and a shoeshine. And when they start not smiling back—that’s an earthquake. and then you get yourself a couple of spots on your hat, and you’re finished. Nobody dast blame this man. A salesman is got to dream, boy. It comes with the territory." Death of a Salesman
  • DrMaybeDrMaybe Posts: 204MI6 Agent
    Dan Same wrote:
    DrMaybe wrote:
    Next: What not to say when informed by your ex-partner that s/he is getting married.


    "That's great. I used to date Timmy... before the operation!"


    Things not to say to a priest?
  • Dan SameDan Same Victoria, AustraliaPosts: 6,054MI6 Agent
    edited October 2008
    DrMaybe wrote:
    Things not to say to a priest?
    "Give my regards to your wife." :v

    Next: What not to say to your local political representative when you come across him/her in public and the media are watching.
    "He’s a man way out there in the blue, riding on a smile and a shoeshine. And when they start not smiling back—that’s an earthquake. and then you get yourself a couple of spots on your hat, and you’re finished. Nobody dast blame this man. A salesman is got to dream, boy. It comes with the territory." Death of a Salesman
  • Sir MilesSir Miles The Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,754Chief of Staff
    Dan Same wrote:
    Next: What not to say to your local political representative when you come across him/her in public and the media are watching.

    Hi..it was really great to see you at the swingers party last night...the bondage gear really suited you.

    What not to say to a Trekkie...
    YNWA 97
  • 3rbrown3rbrown MI6 Top Secret - Scotland, GlaPosts: 100MI6 Agent
    edited October 2008
    What not to say to a Trekkie...

    do you want a bit of "deep space 9":v

    Next: What not to say to the queen when being knighted.
  • DrMaybeDrMaybe Posts: 204MI6 Agent
    3rbrown wrote:

    Next: What not to say to the queen when being knighted.

    Of course you're under the assumption were all citizens of the realm, but I'll go along with it in my best cliche'd Brit affectation- "Oy, luv, fancy a bitta slap & tickle after the proceedings?!!!"

    What not to say to a very plump woman on an elevator?
  • Dan SameDan Same Victoria, AustraliaPosts: 6,054MI6 Agent
    DrMaybe wrote:
    What not to say to a very plump woman on an elevator?
    "Congratulatons! Is this your first baby?" :v

    Next: What not to say to your boss's partner when you meet him/her for the first time.
    "He’s a man way out there in the blue, riding on a smile and a shoeshine. And when they start not smiling back—that’s an earthquake. and then you get yourself a couple of spots on your hat, and you’re finished. Nobody dast blame this man. A salesman is got to dream, boy. It comes with the territory." Death of a Salesman
  • DrMaybeDrMaybe Posts: 204MI6 Agent
    Dan Same wrote:

    Next: What not to say to your boss's partner when you meet him/her for the first time.


    "So, I hear you're the brains of this outfit."

    What not to say to a drunk Navy Seal?
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