Best Bond One-Liner?

Goldeneye64Goldeneye64 Posts: 7MI6 Agent
edited October 2010 in The James Bond Films
My favourites are "Shocking... Positively shocking" and "Just brushing up on a little Danish". :)) No doubt there are more, I just can't think of them now.

Sorry if this has topic been done before, I couldn't find it.
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Comments

  • HardyboyHardyboy Posts: 5,906Chief of Staff
    I've always been fond of "Alimentary, Dr. Leiter."
    Vox clamantis in deserto
  • LOO7K OUTLOO7K OUT United KingdomPosts: 474MI6 Agent
    OHMSS - Bond having just finished sorting out Ruby Bartlett, finds Nancy in his room. The moment he tells her she's an inspiration and then mutters 'you'll need to be' makes me howl with laughter.

    Other corkers are 'speak or forever hold your piece'
    'hiss off!'
    'She's just coming sir'
    'I think he's attempting re-entry sir'
    'something bigs come up' / 'sorry darling, something came up'

    Always loved the truly filthy double entendre in the bath scene in YOLT - just look at where Bond is being washed (just off camera) when he looks down and says 'Don't get the soap in my eye will you?'
  • thesecretagentthesecretagent CornwallPosts: 2,151MI6 Agent
    "That's a Smith and Wesson, and you've had your six..."
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  • BlackleiterBlackleiter Washington, DCPosts: 5,615MI6 Agent
    Girl - "Hi, I'm Plenty!"
    Bond - "Of course you are."
    Girl - "Yes, Plenty O'Toole!"
    Bond - "Named after your father, no doubt!"
    "Felix Leiter, a brother from Langley."
  • mrbain007mrbain007 Posts: 393MI6 Agent
    I'm not sure if its a "one-liner" but its still a great (if deeply sexist) moment. One can imagine Fleming saying this kind of thing to a woman in his day and (most importantly) the woman laughing it off.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o55iezbr0sg
  • mrbain007mrbain007 Posts: 393MI6 Agent
    Others I like:

    Xenya: This one is an admiral
    Bond: I love a woman who enjoys pulling rank
    (Goldeneye)

    Xenya: Trick is to quit while you're still ahead
    Bond: That's one trick I've never learned
    (again Goldeneye)

    Girl (after having sex with Bond): I need re-filling (very naughty :)) )

    (Bond shoots at pheasants, nothing happens)
    Drax: You missed Mr Bond
    (bad guy falls out of tree)
    Bond: Did I?? (smiles)
    (Drax looks round stunned)
    Bond: As you said "such good sport!"
    (Moonraker)

    "This never happened to the other fella" (awful I know but still does raise a bit of a smile)
    (OHMSS)

    (Bond falls off cablecar)
    Goodhead: Hang on James
    Bond: The thought had occured to me
    (again Moonraker)

    (Ryder stands in a bikini looking at Bond)
    Ryder: What are you doing, looking for shells?
    Bond: No...I'm just looking
    (Dr No)

    and of course "shocking (calmly slips on his gun strap and heads towards the door) positively shocking"
  • LoeffelholzLoeffelholz The United States, With LovePosts: 8,998Quartermasters
    "My name is Pussy Galore."





    "I must be dreaming."




    :007)
    Check out my Amazon author page! Mark Loeffelholz
    "I am not an entrant in the Shakespeare Stakes." - Ian Fleming
    "Screw 'em." - Daniel Craig, The Best James Bond EverTM
  • SpectreBlofeldSpectreBlofeld AroundPosts: 364MI6 Agent
    Bond: That looks like a woman's gun.
    Largo: Do you know a lot about guns, Mr. Bond?
    Bond: No, but I know a little about women.
  • j.bladesj.blades Currently? You must be joking?Posts: 530MI6 Agent
    Thunderball
    Bond: “Do you mind if my friend sits this one out? She’s just dead.”

    Goldfinger
    Bond: "Congratulations on your promotion, Goldfinger. Are you having dinner at the White House, too?"

    TWINE
    Bond: "See you at the lodge."

    Every time I hear these lines I'm left in stitches. :))
    "I take a ridiculous pleasure in what I eat and drink."

    ~ Casino Royale, Ian Fleming
  • Napoleon PluralNapoleon Plural LondonPosts: 10,467MI6 Agent
    GF has its zingers:

    "I'm training him to be a caddie"
    Bond: (having seen Oddjob cheat) "Successfully too"

    Radio: "The President declared he was entirely satisfied..."
    Bond switches radio off for post-coital snog: "Well that makes two of us..."

    MR really aint bad:
    "Hang on James!"
    "The thought had occurred to me..."
    "This is where we leave you Mr Bond."

    Roger Moore 1927-2017
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    GF,
    "magnificent Animal" Golfinger pointing to horse
    "Certinly better bred than it's Owner" replies Bond

    DAF
    On hearing Plenty O'Toole's name "Named after your Father perhaps"
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • HardyboyHardyboy Posts: 5,906Chief of Staff
    Moonraker has some good ones, and they all seem to go to Drax: "Look after Mr. Bond. See that some harm comes to him;" "Not being English, I don't quite share your unique sense of humor."
    Vox clamantis in deserto
  • mrbain007mrbain007 Posts: 393MI6 Agent
    Hardyboy wrote:
    Moonraker "Look after Mr. Bond. See that some harm comes to him;"

    I LOVE that line. Its so cheesey yet brilliant and the way Drax says it is so perfect.
  • j.bladesj.blades Currently? You must be joking?Posts: 530MI6 Agent
    What about the line in TSWLM where Bond and XXX are trying to escape from jaws, she atempts to switch gears and the engine responds with a a resounding sound of grinding gears.
    Bond: Does she play any other tunes?
    "I take a ridiculous pleasure in what I eat and drink."

    ~ Casino Royale, Ian Fleming
  • James SuzukiJames Suzuki New ZealandPosts: 2,406MI6 Agent
    some of the moore ones are really funny.
    'Speak or forever hold your piece' or
    'hang on james'
    'the thought had occured to me'
    “The scent and smoke and sweat of a casino are nauseating at three in the morning. "
    -Casino Royale, Ian Fleming
  • Napoleon PluralNapoleon Plural LondonPosts: 10,467MI6 Agent
    Hardyboy wrote:
    Moonraker has some good ones, and they all seem to go to Drax: "Look after Mr. Bond. See that some harm comes to him;" "Not being English, I don't quite share your unique sense of humor."

    Yes, and unusually it isn't to compensate for Bond being humourless, as in LTK. Holly Goodhead gets some good 'uns too.

    Bond (sexist and surprised at his meeting with the scientist): A woman!
    Holly: Your powers of observation do you credit Mister Bond....
    "This is where we leave you Mr Bond."

    Roger Moore 1927-2017
  • Tilly Masterson 007Tilly Masterson 007 UKPosts: 1,472MI6 Agent
    "Here you go, this should keep you in a few more curries!"
  • Gebruder GumboldGebruder Gumbold San FranciscoPosts: 549MI6 Agent
    How about some villains:

    "Mrs. Whistler did want some pictures of the canals for the children..."
    "How kind of you, Mr. Kidd, the children will be so thrilled"
    The way Glover punctuates "so thrilled" always got a good laugh in the theatres...

    Draco: "She likes you, I can see it.."
    Bond "You must give me the name of your occulist...: OHMSS

    Keep 'em coming...

    www.OHMSSDBS.com
  • LOO7K OUTLOO7K OUT United KingdomPosts: 474MI6 Agent
    "Is there time before we leave, for lesson number three?"
    "Absolutely! No sense in going off half cocked"

    Dirty Roger :v
  • PeppermillPeppermill DelftPosts: 2,860MI6 Agent
    I could think of about a 1000 great one-liners, but one of my favorites is:

    "He wouldn't know a woman if one came up and sat on his head" by Anna in Goldeneye.
    1. Ohmss 2. Frwl 3. Op 4. Tswlm 5. Tld 6. Ge 7. Yolt 8. Lald 9. Cr 10. Ltk 11. Dn 12. Gf 13. Qos 14. Mr 15. Tmwtgg 16. Fyeo 17. Twine 18. Sf 19. Tb 20 Tnd 21. Spectre 22 Daf 23. Avtak 24. Dad
  • Mister GreeneMister Greene Posts: 224MI6 Agent
    the one that always made me chuckle was in DAF when asked by Tiffany Case wether Bind prefered Blondes or brunettes and he replied as long as the collar and cuffs match i'm fine
  • mediapigmediapig Los AngelesPosts: 87MI6 Agent
    One of my favorites is from Moonraker, and it isn't even Bond's... It's in the PTS, as Bond runs his hand up leg of the lovely (and double crossing) stewardess on the private jet:

    "Any higher Mr. Bond, and my ears will pop..."
  • Mr MartiniMr Martini That nice house in the sky.Posts: 2,707MI6 Agent
    The last line from TWINE.

    "I thought Christmas only comes once a year." :))

    That's almost as good as the one in Moonraker

    "I think he's attempting re-entry sir." :))
    Some people would complain even if you hang them with a new rope
  • icsics Posts: 1,413MI6 Agent
    TB has some great ones...

    "Do you mind if my friend sits this one out? She's just dead. "

    "I think he got the point."

    Largo: "You know much about guns, Mr. Bond?"
    Bond: "No, but I know a little about women. "
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  • BlackleiterBlackleiter Washington, DCPosts: 5,615MI6 Agent
    This one is quoted all the time, but it is such a classic that it certainly bears repeating:

    Bond - "Do you expect me to talk?"
    Goldfinger - "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!"
    "Felix Leiter, a brother from Langley."
  • Mr MartiniMr Martini That nice house in the sky.Posts: 2,707MI6 Agent
    Blackleiter wrote:
    This one is quoted all the time, but it is such a classic that it certainly bears repeating:

    Bond - "Do you expect me to talk?"
    Goldfinger - "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!"



    I do like that line. One I like to use more than that is:

    "Choose your next witticism carefully, it may be your last."
    Some people would complain even if you hang them with a new rope
  • PaperbillPaperbill FloridaPosts: 812MI6 Agent
    Let's just say that Istanbul's a rough town
  • Gebruder GumboldGebruder Gumbold San FranciscoPosts: 549MI6 Agent
    "Found your techinque too violent?" Bond to Kerim Bey
  • DanielCraig007DanielCraig007 Posts: 588MI6 Agent
    edited November 2010
    "Shes just coming Sir" :))
    (Bond to M on the phone while he is in bed with Goodnight)
    Man with the golden gun.
  • DaltonFan1DaltonFan1 The West of IrelandPosts: 503MI6 Agent
    Three lines that display Bond's razor sharp wit, all delivered in what would be very tense situations.

    "It's just a hat, which belonged to a man with a very small head, who appears to have lost a fight with a chicken." - Bond to Rosie in LALD

    "She should've kept her mouth shut" - Bond after shooting a thug in FRWL

    Christmas: "Dr Jones, Christmas Jones, and don't tell me any jokes, I've heard them all."
    Bond(in the guise of Mikhail Arkov): "I don't know any doctor jokes."
    “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.” - Carl Jung
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