The Rant Box

minigeff · June 2012

Today's gripe of the day;

TV Shopping channels. Having flicked on the box while I munch my Sunday breakie, I flick through the channels to stumble upon some DIY shopping channel.

Ok, so people need to sell their tat, but I draw the line when a guy is demonstrating his DIY painter sprayer and the presenter, when told the colour of the paint is "a kind of chocolate" asks "it's not real chocolate, is it?"

thesecretagent · June 2012

I know. Some presenters are just stupid. Not just on those channels, but on mainstream prime time programming. Fern Cotton might be ok on morning Radio One with inane chatter between music, but linking on BBC One on the Jubilee? 8-)

My hate today? The idiot texting in front of me at the lights. He missed the light. He looked really REALLY surprised when I got out, knocked on his window and asked for his phone. I told him I wanted to stick it so far down his throat he'd have a fart as a ring tone.... X-(

Number24 · June 2012

thesecretagent wrote:

I know. Some presenters are just stupid. Not just on those channels, but on mainstream prime time programming. Fern Cotton might be ok on morning Radio One with inane chatter between music, but linking on BBC One on the Jubilee? 8-)

My hate today? The idiot texting in front of me at the lights. He missed the light. He looked really REALLY surprised when I got out, knocked on his window and asked for his phone. I told him I wanted to stick it so far down his throat he'd have a fart as a ring tone.... X-(

Did he write a long message or do you have a short temper? :v

minigeff · June 2012

Personally if you text while driving, you may as well drive with your eyes closed.

thesecretagent · June 2012

Number24 wrote:

thesecretagent wrote:

I know. Some presenters are just stupid. Not just on those channels, but on mainstream prime time programming. Fern Cotton might be ok on morning Radio One with inane chatter between music, but linking on BBC One on the Jubilee? 8-)

My hate today? The idiot texting in front of me at the lights. He missed the light. He looked really REALLY surprised when I got out, knocked on his window and asked for his phone. I told him I wanted to stick it so far down his throat he'd have a fart as a ring tone.... X-(

Did he write a long message or do you have a short temper? :v

Oh definately a short temper.

) But the lights went from red to green, then when he looked up they were turning red. About four minutes! X-(

Napoleon Plural · June 2012

You can do that sort of thing if you're built like secretagent...

Number24 · June 2012

Not only has he got the strength and temper of the Hulk, The secretagent has the intelect of the Hulk too! A truly impressive man!

minigeff · June 2012

today's pet gripe;

i'm driving to work, travelling down a quiet street where i can see a pedestrian crossing up ahead. a young lass comes to the kerb, looks, sees me coming from miles off, then presses the button, sees that the decision was somewhat premature and then crosses the road anyway. she buggers off across the road, leaving me having to stop for no reason, and whats worse is there's no one behind me, so she could have just waited for me to go past.

Thunderpussy · June 2012

The last time I had a bit of a run in with another driver, He was shouting in his car etc. as I slowly
drove past I winked and blew him a kiss and licked my top lip. ( I'm 6' and about 18stone )
he almost had a heart attack with anger , whilst I drove off laughing.

)
I wish someone would invent a car horn that sounds like a car slamming on its brakes
to stop, You soon see people jumpimg out of your way then.

)
Must try it for the next Dragon's Den.

thesecretagent · June 2012

minigeff wrote:

today's pet gripe;

i'm driving to work, travelling down a quiet street where i can see a pedestrian crossing up ahead. a young lass comes to the kerb, looks, sees me coming from miles off, then presses the button, sees that the decision was somewhat premature and then crosses the road anyway. she buggers off across the road, leaving me having to stop for no reason, and whats worse is there's no one behind me, so she could have just waited for me to go past.

I remember reading about a guy who got out the car and stabbed a bloke through the heart for that. Obviously this isn't recommended, but I do get quite vocal when this happens to me.

Personally today, it's that old favourite - you pull in at the petrol station and the person in front at the pump you want is getting back in. You wait patiently, but no, they're adjusting their trousers, then their mirror, then they can't find their keys, mainly because they're still held in their gormless mouth, then they can't seem to remember where the key goes, so they have to look and check, ah yes! In the ignition, then it's the seatbelt, then the mirror again, then they start the car and there's that noise you get when you try to start an already running engine!, then it's the crunch of gears, then the hesitant move forward, then after five full minutes of them getting back into the car you're now free to pull forwards to the pump. Jesus wept! I get back to the car, plonk my ass on the seat, start the engine, belt up as I'm moving off and the whole process has taken about ten seconds!

minigeff · June 2012

thesecretagent wrote:

minigeff wrote:

today's pet gripe;

i'm driving to work, travelling down a quiet street where i can see a pedestrian crossing up ahead. a young lass comes to the kerb, looks, sees me coming from miles off, then presses the button, sees that the decision was somewhat premature and then crosses the road anyway. she buggers off across the road, leaving me having to stop for no reason, and whats worse is there's no one behind me, so she could have just waited for me to go past.

I remember reading about a guy who got out the car and stabbed a bloke through the heart for that. Obviously this isn't recommended, but I do get quite vocal when this happens to me.

Personally today, it's that old favourite - you pull in at the petrol station and the person in front at the pump you want is getting back in. You wait patiently, but no, they're adjusting their trousers, then their mirror, then they can't find their keys, mainly because they're still held in their gormless mouth, then they can't seem to remember where the key goes, so they have to look and check, ah yes! In the ignition, then it's the seatbelt, then the mirror again, then they start the car and there's that noise you get when you try to start an already running engine!, then it's the crunch of gears, then the hesitant move forward, then after five full minutes of them getting back into the car you're now free to pull forwards to the pump. Jesus wept! I get back to the car, plonk my ass on the seat, start the engine, belt up as I'm moving off and the whole process has taken about ten seconds!

Been there, done that. The guy I was waiting and waiting for did pretty much what you described, except after searching for around 3 or 4 minutes he finally remembered where they were - in the petrol cap.

Seriously, I dunno if they already do, but if not there really should be a section on considerate driving in today's tests. If people actually thought about others around them, everything might just flow a little easier.

thesecretagent · June 2012

Not today's gripe, but a gripe in general - pubs. It used to be that if you wanted a drink and a quick bite you'd head down the pub. A pint and a pie and chips, or scampi, gammon steak - whatever. Then, if you wanted a decent meal you'd go to a bistro, steakhouse etc. And if you wanted three courses, the best food and wine for s special occasion etc you'd chose either a hotel or restaurant to suit your budget. Now, drink is so cheap to buy and consume at home, and the public smoking ban has meant that pubs don't really have an identity. They have become foodie/gastro eating places but can't deliver on service. Sure, the chef does a good job and some dishes even down here in the sticks are worthy of excellent city restaurants. But the service is usually some teen not bothered with your eating experience, or you order at he bar, then find out when the meal comes that you had to go and fetch your cutlery, condiments etc. or that you don't, but the sloppy service means you wish you could, or that they take your order, bring the food but you have to go get yourself another drink, and that the next time you'll see your waiter/server/unbothered dog's body will be to take your plates. So it's plonk, there's your food, goodbye. If its not cooked right, or you want mayonnaise, salt, the rest of your forgotten order then you're out of luck! Pubs were better when they were simple, cheaper (my local's cheapest main is £11.95 for their burger through to £32.50 for crayfish tails - dearer than a nearby 2 micheiln star restuarant!) and you knew what to expect!

Mr Martini · June 2012

thesecretagent wrote:

Not today's gripe, but a gripe in general - pubs. It used to be that if you wanted a drink and a quick bite you'd head down the pub. A pint and a pie and chips, or scampi, gammon steak - whatever. Then, if you wanted a decent meal you'd go to a bistro, steakhouse etc. And if you wanted three courses, the best food and wine for s special occasion etc you'd chose either a hotel or restaurant to suit your budget. Now, drink is so cheap to buy and consume at home, and the public smoking ban has meant that pubs don't really have an identity. They have become foodie/gastro eating places but can't deliver on service. Sure, the chef does a good job and some dishes even down here in the sticks are worthy of excellent city restaurants. But the service is usually some teen not bothered with your eating experience, or you order at he bar, then find out when the meal comes that you had to go and fetch your cutlery, condiments etc. or that you don't, but the sloppy service means you wish you could, or that they take your order, bring the food but you have to go get yourself another drink, and that the next time you'll see your waiter/server/unbothered dog's body will be to take your plates. So it's plonk, there's your food, goodbye. If its not cooked right, or you want mayonnaise, salt, the rest of your forgotten order then you're out of luck! Pubs were better when they were simple, cheaper (my local's cheapest main is £11.95 for their burger through to £32.50 for crayfish tails - dearer than a nearby 2 micheiln star restuarant!) and you knew what to expect!

Eating out around here is never fun. I don't go to "high class" restaurants so I don't expect great service. But I do expect some service. I refuse to go to several places around here since the service was so bad the last time I went. Put in a simple order and to comes out wrong or some of the order is missing. I'm told it'll be right out. By the time it comes out I'm finished with the meal. Also not getting a drink refill with my meal. They do ask if I want a refill, but then it's forgotten. The biggest thing that makes me mad is the wait for my check. Used to go to a Chinese restaurant. I'd go around 6:30 and be eating by 7pm. Usually finish by 7:15. Then I sit and wait and wait and wait for my check. The last straw was waiting 45 minutes for my check. I had no idea where the server (who is actually a co-owner) was. I was the only one in the place during my whole meal. I stood up and took a couple steps and she popped up out of a booth. "Are you ready for your check?" I said yes and paid and left, never to return. Her tv was more important than the customer. I also realize that's why it was probably slow in there. People don't like to be ignored.

minigeff · June 2012

today's rant, well last night's actually;

Fed(up)Ex

I get a 'we missed you' card on my doorstep, that's annoying I think, cos I've already organsied with them that they can leave parcels in a safe place...

Alas, never mind, I'll give them a call and find out which parcel it is i'm expecting and see where it is.

Ring ring... ring ring....

A girl answers the phone and speaks so quick I can't understand. When she slows down I realise she's got a canadian accent. (was gonna ask if it was corrine and if she knew yusef, but it'd be lost on her i thought)

The lass asks for my parcel number, I give her the number on the card, it doesn't work. why? because its 11 digits, and it should be 12. 'The guy musta left oot a number' canadian girl says.

Weird, cos theres only 11 boxes to fill in on the card i say. I ask for the local depot number (not realising its on the card, duh) and I tell her my local town.

Oh thats in nebraska isn't it? she says.

Nebraska?! I'm in the UK, where are you?

Canada.

Canada?! What they hell am I doing talking to you?

Don't know, erm.... is there anything I can help you with?

No.

Seriously, a major international shipping company that doesn't know where my parcel is, has 11 boxes for a 12 digit shipping number and when I call the UK number I get Canada.

W.T.F?

Napoleon Plural · June 2012

Well, here's a nice calming cup of camomile tea...

C'mon guys, jeez. If you don't like the food down your local pub, go to another pub. I'm glad the smoking ban is in force, I can go there and not have to fumigate my clothes afterwards. I used to walk my mum up the road with the zimmer to the local pub, some nice grub was great there, but I couldn't have got her to a fancy restaurant...

That said, it would be nice to have just one pub around in the old fashioned, smoke away way, but who'd want to work there and inhale it all?

thesecretagent · June 2012

And that's another thing - camomile tea... Take a sip, oh I feel so calm now... Bollocks!

minigeff · June 2012

thesecretagent wrote:

And that's another thing - camomile tea... Take a sip, oh I feel so calm now... Bollocks!

)

)

food in pubs, yeah it can be hit and miss, but i guess you get what you pay for.

but, if i'm off for a '2 for £10' deal i'm not gonna expect savoy style service.

minigeff · June 2012

Today's rant;

**** 'talent' contest shows, namely 'The X Factor'.

I've posted this here as it'd just annoy the girls over in the proper x factor thread.

X factor, pop idol, britains got talent, the voice, skating on thin ice, strictly come make a **** of yourself, the list is endless.

Cooking, singing, dancing, making a Pratt of yourself, acting delusional just to get on tv.... If you can do ANYTHING there seems to be a 'talent' contest on tv for it these days, and I'm totally sick of it.

Ok ok, so sure if you don't like it, don't watch it, fine I get that idea. But when tv is crammed full of this crap, what else am I supposed to watch?

Here's the latest x factor line up;

Left to right: who? Who? Mr smug. Is that brittney spears?!

Seriously, who the hell are these people?

My favourite button on the tv now is the off switch. Tv has gone seriously to the dogs. Gone are the side splitting comedies like Only Fools and Horses, Bottom and Shooting stars, the robust and iron clad BBC has now even sold out to delivering an utter crap singing contest. But I will give them their due, they judge people by their singing talent alone and I can recognise 3 of the 4 judges. Shame that the acts were the usual garbage who got their 15 minutes.

Which leads me on to my next point, the 15 minutes of fame.

Now many people say that shows like the x factor give people a chance to become famous and get the big break they've always wanted. Really?

From where I'm sitting, it appears The X Factor is simply a 'Fresh Meat' way of sustaining simon cowell's income. Each year a set of hopefuls apply, we get the nutcases for light entertainment and then things get serious. Girls cry, boys cry, judge cries, we end up with a big final (luckily just before Xmas, well timed mr cowell!) and another 'star' is shat out into the public domain.

Cowell will keep them in the spotlight, get a first album out and then it's into obscurity for you, oh and look, it's just about time we started all over again.

So no, it's not a showcase for talent, it's not the big break they need, it's not about good quality entertainment, it's really all about keeping mr cowell's pockets lined year after year. And I gotta hand it to him, nice one, cos theres plenty of suckers who fall for it. I just feel a bit sad for the 'winners' who think they've made it, only to be thrown on the scrap heap after a year.

Looking through the media these days, there's seems to be an underlying theme;

It's either a remake, a restart, a reboot, a prequel, a sequel, a quadology, a copied idea, a rehashed thought or screen version of a comic book.

You know why?

Because people who make this crap have run out of original ideas.

Using the same ideas or themes isn't necessarily a bad thing, I think the original series of star trek only had 12 different plots and it did ok didn't it? But this simple 'copy and paste' way of making entertainment is killing it for me.

And relax.

Thunderpussy · June 2012

I stopped watching all these "Copy and paste " shows long ago.
After all these years and suposidly looking through the BEST of talent
in America, The UK/Ireland. How many world wide superstars have
they found ?. After all they are Looking at the Best 8-)
The judges are the stars, the acts are just to fill time between the judges
( well rehearsed arguments etc )
They make stars out of crap novelty acts, Jedward, a dancing Dog and
a mediocre opera singer ( who really wouldn't make it into the chorus of
a prestigious Opera house )
**** indeed. -{

I laughed reading tha Russell Brand is upset over G Norton's questions
on his mariage break up.

)
Mabey now he can understand how Andrew Sachs, might of felt. :v
still he can always write about it in his new Bookie wookie.

)

minigeff · June 2012

) bookie wookie indeed, what a tosser. Can't stand these 'out there man' 'alternative' 'comics'.

Alternative comedy was back in the days of alexi sayle.

I remember seeing that weirdo from the mighty boosh on 'never mind the buzzcocks', he got proper shat on when someone pointed out all he did was think if something obscure then add something even more weird to it in order to get a laugh. He didn't really know how to react. Comedy talent indeed. Noel Fielding? Can't remember.

Anyway, quick rant update;

Freeview: nothing but crap. This morning - karcher power washers, fraiser from back when he looked like crusty the clown and lovejoy. Love joy?!

Debate programmes: what's the point? Get a bunch of opinionated people on, get them to argue over something like gay marriage or are all Muslims terrorists and then sit back while the shouting begins, then oh sorry we've run out of time. Have you EVER seen a debate programme where the guests end up agreeing on something? Also the 'guest speakers' are terrible, leading to the next rant;

One of the guests is 'the official Olympic poet'. A poet?! For the olympics? What the feck do we need a poet for? It's all a bit medevial isn't it?

"sorry ladies and gents, the 100m hurdles is postponed while they check how many hurdled they've put out, so in the meantime let's have some poetry."

What's next? An official olympic jester with bells and tickle stick?

Christ I'm having a ranting day.

danjaq_0ff · June 2012

I hate all the crap on TV too, but I found the off switch

minigeff · June 2012

My idea of finding the off switch

danjaq_0ff · June 2012

Cool

minigeff wrote:

My idea of finding the off switch

thesecretagent · June 2012

Trooping the colour and ceremonial duties. Haven't had a Calvary charge since 1914, yet there they are - thousands of horses, swords, ceremonial dress and millions of pounds keeping them. Then combat troops laid off while we are still at war, poor aftercare for injured and traumatised soldiers and an even more weakend military. Yet the horses will be ok, and the swords will remain shiny. Utter bollocks.

Thunderpussy · June 2012

I agree the way returning Soldiers are treated by the governement is a disgrace
Many hospitals and treatments are only available through Charities.
The idea of having cutbacks when you have troops fighting on several fronts is Barmy.
Infact we have come to the stage that when we get the two ( I think ) new aircract carriers
they'll have to lease Planes of the french to fly from them.
The phrase " Couldn't organise a Pi*s up in a brewery " springs to mind.

On a lighter Note,
Come on TSA, what would tourists like me have to photography around london if not
for all that Pomp and Ceremory.

minigeff · June 2012

thesecretagent wrote:

Trooping the colour and ceremonial duties. Haven't had a Calvary charge since 1914, yet there they are - thousands of horses, swords, ceremonial dress and millions of pounds keeping them. Then combat troops laid off while we are still at war, poor aftercare for injured and traumatised soldiers and an even more weakend military. Yet the horses will be ok, and the swords will remain shiny. Utter bollocks.

Bravo!

Sack all the shoe shines and turn the horses to glue!

(that better nap?)

Napoleon Plural · June 2012

You seem a little confused minigeff.

'Pomp and ceremony' are not insult words like 'stuff and nonsense' as such, look them up. Trooping of the Colour is all about pomp and ceremony, that's the point of it.

The first part of TP's post is hard to argue with, the other damning is done by secretagent who is better placed than most to offer a comment, having served in the forces.

thesecretagent · June 2012

I don't have a problem with Trooping the Colour - just the scale and the fact that there are going to be such huge lay-offs. The army has humidity controlled bunkers storing surplus donkey shoes from world war one, huge storage facilities for the wrong shade of green paint, thousands of Lee Enfield .303 rifles from both world wars unused and wrapped in heated facilities - just wasted money. It's not just the army, but any institution. I know a lot of consultants and surgeons, a few I've spoken to reckon that our main county hospital could lose thirty £50k plus a year managers and nobody would notice! They're deadly serious about it. My father in law is head of IT for a county NHS in the midlands and can't believe he's still in a job! He's just waiting out two more years until retirement and freely admits there's a quarter of a million a year unnecessary salary in his department alone! Whatever government thats in power is clueless about how to really save money they could do well listening to a variety of small business owners - money wasted there hits the owner directly. You either save it, or go under.

Rant over.

Mr Martini · June 2012

I have a rant. My rant is dental work. I wish I didn't have a bad gag reflex. Had a root canal a couple weeks and had to be knocked out cold. Took the pills at 7:15am, arrived at the dentist at 7:45am. Woke up on my bed at 10:30pm. Now I have to go back and have some more work done. Dentist says I need to be sedated, again. I don't want to wake up at 10:30pm on my bed after being knocked out for 14 hours. Hopefully I can be somewhat conscious at 2 or 3pm. After this work is done all that is left is to put the crown on. Let's hope my gag reflex can behave itself for the few minutes needed to put on the crown. I just may ask if I can put it on myself.

Napoleon Plural · June 2012

I have a kind of rant, it's movies on terrestrial TV.

Growing up, you had Laurel & Hardy films, Harold Lloyd, seemingly any movie under the sun plus Tom and Jerry shorts before the news, Bugs Bunny and so on. Not any more.

Now it's all turgid stuff, the same old same old classics like Brief Encounter, Great Expectations, Black Narcissus and Bond. Great stuff, but not over and over again. Ditto recent films like School of Rock and About a Boy.

While the internet shows the world is your oyster, the Big Five channels seem to have contracted, and it's not like there's brilliant stuff on Sky either.

That said, you had Klute on telly the other night, in a stellar print, but despite it being rarely shown, no promos for it at all.

minigeff · June 2012

Freeview sucks, it's official.

Yesterday I flicked through 40 odd channels, and there's nothing entertaining on.

I even found an episode of 'Police, Camera, Kick the crims head in!' on ITV4+1-2x4+12=24 the video of the cop's dashcam had 1993 on it.

FFS, I'm sat watching 19 year old tv!!!

The Rant Box

Comments