Parenting: Old Fashioned or New Age?
scottmu65
Carlisle, Cumbria, UKPosts: 402MI6 Agent
As my wife is due with my first child in the next 6 weeks and I have 2 step-children already I have been thinking alot about different ways of parenting.
Now this isn't a thread asking for advice, rather a thread where I am asking for different peoples opinions (parents or otherwise) on different methods of parenting, whether they be the old fashioned ways or the new-age ways of parenting.
I am a strong believer that children need order and discipline aswell as praise and encouragement where needed but alot of parents these days are keen fans of this new 'Supernanny' way of dealing with children and being a parent. For example my upbringing was what I consider to be normal, I had a nice home and a loving family, when I acheived I was praised, when I was naughty or bad I was disciplined and punished. I honestly feel like nowadays the reason so many young people are out of control is that there is not allowed to be discipline anymore and people are afraid of standing up to their kids out of fear of being reported or something. For example, during summer my wife and I took her 3 1/2 year old son to playgroup at the local village hall, there were alot of children there playing nicely but one child (who looked too old to be there) was storming around the place deliberately bashing into kids, even babies, with a baby walker, his mother (who ran the toddler group) did nothing about it. Now my step-son was (and still is) going through his terrible 2's and was making a huge fuss over nothing and lashed out at me and knocked my glasses square off my face across the room, he was told off and put in the corner until he calmed down, later it was snack time, when food is available he doesnt want to wait for it and hates with when others get theirs before him, he began trying to take food from other kids and yet again lashed out when told off for it, he was smacked on the hand by my wife and put in the corner, this was the point the mother of the kid deliberatly hurting people came over and asked for a word with my wife in private, my wife came back, got our son and left, i asked her what was wrong and she told me that the mother had been having a pop at her for how she was dealing with out son and that it was distressing the other mothers and that spanking is never acceptable and threatened to report her, I went back to have it out with her and she with another mother started giving me the same rubbish as they had given my wife AND that when my child is naughty I should CUDDLE him and assure him I still love him!! I promptly told them to keep their noses out and that I was spanked as a child and turned out a respectful and well natured person. We haven't been back to playgroup.
I tell this story to get my view across that I strongly don't believe that cuddling and praising a naughty child will teach them to behave! I was spanked as a child if I was bad, on occasions with my dads slipper and it did me no harm. My wife and I believe that spanking is completely fine when called for and that strong discipline will teach our kids respect for us and others. I think that kids like that womans end up turning out so bad is because the parents think that cuddling and rewarding bad behaviour is the right thing to do.
I understand all kids are different but if we look at the facts, children and young people have gotten more and more out of control the more the rules about disciplining them has changed, and that includes schools, I mean my wife was a teaching assistant and they aren't even allowed to tell the kids to shut up or sit down, they can't even force kids to attend detention anymore yet people wonder what went wrong! Parents and teachers are afraid to even raise their voice to a child anymore because of someone possibly reporting them, even within the home yet I am made out to be a bad parent by the likes of the woman from playgroup because I won't allow unacceptable behaviour.
At one time I was working in a newsagents for some extra cash in a fairly rough area of town and I would have kids as young as 4 or 5 coming into the shop at 10pm with their parents (and alot of the time alone) and the parents would buy the kids cheap red bull, coca cola and sweets then laugh it off at the till saying things like, "I've already tried asking them to go to bed once over, I've given up now! Heh!" Really gets my goat, yet these are the sort of people who call my wife and I bad parents because our kids know who is boss.
I don't know about you but my views are pretty strong.
Discipline or Cuddles?
Punishment or Naughty Step?
What do you think?
Now this isn't a thread asking for advice, rather a thread where I am asking for different peoples opinions (parents or otherwise) on different methods of parenting, whether they be the old fashioned ways or the new-age ways of parenting.
I am a strong believer that children need order and discipline aswell as praise and encouragement where needed but alot of parents these days are keen fans of this new 'Supernanny' way of dealing with children and being a parent. For example my upbringing was what I consider to be normal, I had a nice home and a loving family, when I acheived I was praised, when I was naughty or bad I was disciplined and punished. I honestly feel like nowadays the reason so many young people are out of control is that there is not allowed to be discipline anymore and people are afraid of standing up to their kids out of fear of being reported or something. For example, during summer my wife and I took her 3 1/2 year old son to playgroup at the local village hall, there were alot of children there playing nicely but one child (who looked too old to be there) was storming around the place deliberately bashing into kids, even babies, with a baby walker, his mother (who ran the toddler group) did nothing about it. Now my step-son was (and still is) going through his terrible 2's and was making a huge fuss over nothing and lashed out at me and knocked my glasses square off my face across the room, he was told off and put in the corner until he calmed down, later it was snack time, when food is available he doesnt want to wait for it and hates with when others get theirs before him, he began trying to take food from other kids and yet again lashed out when told off for it, he was smacked on the hand by my wife and put in the corner, this was the point the mother of the kid deliberatly hurting people came over and asked for a word with my wife in private, my wife came back, got our son and left, i asked her what was wrong and she told me that the mother had been having a pop at her for how she was dealing with out son and that it was distressing the other mothers and that spanking is never acceptable and threatened to report her, I went back to have it out with her and she with another mother started giving me the same rubbish as they had given my wife AND that when my child is naughty I should CUDDLE him and assure him I still love him!! I promptly told them to keep their noses out and that I was spanked as a child and turned out a respectful and well natured person. We haven't been back to playgroup.
I tell this story to get my view across that I strongly don't believe that cuddling and praising a naughty child will teach them to behave! I was spanked as a child if I was bad, on occasions with my dads slipper and it did me no harm. My wife and I believe that spanking is completely fine when called for and that strong discipline will teach our kids respect for us and others. I think that kids like that womans end up turning out so bad is because the parents think that cuddling and rewarding bad behaviour is the right thing to do.
I understand all kids are different but if we look at the facts, children and young people have gotten more and more out of control the more the rules about disciplining them has changed, and that includes schools, I mean my wife was a teaching assistant and they aren't even allowed to tell the kids to shut up or sit down, they can't even force kids to attend detention anymore yet people wonder what went wrong! Parents and teachers are afraid to even raise their voice to a child anymore because of someone possibly reporting them, even within the home yet I am made out to be a bad parent by the likes of the woman from playgroup because I won't allow unacceptable behaviour.
At one time I was working in a newsagents for some extra cash in a fairly rough area of town and I would have kids as young as 4 or 5 coming into the shop at 10pm with their parents (and alot of the time alone) and the parents would buy the kids cheap red bull, coca cola and sweets then laugh it off at the till saying things like, "I've already tried asking them to go to bed once over, I've given up now! Heh!" Really gets my goat, yet these are the sort of people who call my wife and I bad parents because our kids know who is boss.
I don't know about you but my views are pretty strong.
Discipline or Cuddles?
Punishment or Naughty Step?
What do you think?
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Comments
I'm their Father. When needed they are punished, Not by Hitting but by various other
Means.
Stopping use of internet, computers, games, going to friends houses, events etc. Mixed
with encouragement and praise for their acomplishments.
So I guess I'd be an Old fashioned Parent
My thoughts exactly, but in regards to the 'hitting' I guess that's just because what my wife and I were brought up with and it sort of stuck, to be fair it is rare that the kids end up doing anything so bad that warrants a smacked arse, for example sneaking downstairs in the early hours and trashing then kitchen or drawing all over the bedroom walls (including parts of the low ceiling) in pen, toothpaste, make-up etc. warranted one in my wifes book!
Just be thoughtful before a physical punishment is all I mean to say.
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