"Piece Of Pisces" works well in English, because it sounds rather like a mildly naughty colloquialism meaning "easy" (hence my comment above).
As to a title for the whole thing, I'm thinking of "Ye Undertaker's Wind" (I'm sure you all know where that comes from) since anything that paraphrases LALD sounds clumsy and forced. We've already done a similar thing with OP.
Lord Kananga: Thee must explain to me, Solitaire. Thou didst see death in ye cards, yet Sir James doth live still.
Solitaire: 'Twas the death of Rosie I must have seen.
(Later...)
Solitaire: Thou must put down those cards!
Sir James: Oh? I did rather fancy a game of strip poker.
....
Solitaire: Ist there time for lovers' lesson number eight?
Sir James: (Wearily.) Well, I'll try...
Solitaire: "James, since I bedded you I'm a greatly changed woman! "
Bond: " Worry not. This always happens when I bed wenches."
Solitaire: "But since you took my virginity I have lost my sight!"
Bond: "Back in my schoolboy days the nuns threathened something simmular would happen to me. Trust me, it's not true."
Lord Kananga: Thee must explain to me, Solitaire. Thou didst see death in ye cards, yet Sir James doth live still.
Solitaire: 'Twas the death of Rosie I must have seen.
Lord Kananga: Thou hast made me angry with you. Ye would not like me when I be angry.
(Hulk joke?)
(Later...)
Solitaire: Thou must put down those cards!
Sir James: Oh? I didst rather fancy a game of strip poker. You strip, and I’ll-
Solitaire: The cards will tell thee nothing, the sight is a gift given to only a few.
....
Solitaire: Sir James, since I bedded you I am a greatly changed woman!
Sir James: Worry not. This always happens when I bed wenches.
Solitaire: But since you took my virginity I have lost my sight!
Sir James: That’s a first, even for me. Back in my schoolboy days the nuns threatened something similar would happen to me. Trust me, it's not true.
Solitaire: Nay, my second sight.
Sir James: Ah, I shalt fetch ye cards.
Solitaire:
....
Solitaire: Ist there time for lovers' lesson number eight?
Sir James: (Wearily.) Well, I'll try...
The Bond team have always been quite inventive in their search for alternatives to car chases- fire engine in AVTAK, cello case in TLD, bus in LALD, moon buggy in DAF, etc etc- but our choices are much more limited. The barge in Ye Gilded Eye was clever, and so is this.
(Solitaire shows Sir James the poppy fields... Baron Samedi sees the two together... men on horseback chase them, Sir James leaps on top of a convenient stagecoach and tells Solitaire to get inside.... they drive under a low bridge, he yells at her to get down, the top slices off and hits the following riders... they get to the pier and escape on Quarrel's boat.)
Act 4, Scene 1. A port.
(After they land, they are captured by Yeoman Big's men (if we want to use the cab driver, then we have to write an earlier scene (Act 2, Scene 3) to introduce him). Sir James escapes though Solitaire doesn't. Would be nice to have the little old lady Mrs Bell thinking James is her instructor, but obviously planes are out.)
Comments
As to a title for the whole thing, I'm thinking of "Ye Undertaker's Wind" (I'm sure you all know where that comes from) since anything that paraphrases LALD sounds clumsy and forced. We've already done a similar thing with OP.
Mayhap Rosie could find funnier things in ye chest, as with Gala Goodhead?
Help required!
I just can'tthink of a good joke about necrophilia .......
What is wrong with us, TP? I'm sure this is standard standup comedia fare?
Act 3, Scene 4. Ye chambers of Solitaire.
Lord Kananga: Thee must explain to me, Solitaire. Thou didst see death in ye cards, yet Sir James doth live still.
Solitaire: 'Twas the death of Rosie I must have seen.
(Later...)
Solitaire: Thou must put down those cards!
Sir James: Oh? I did rather fancy a game of strip poker.
....
Solitaire: Ist there time for lovers' lesson number eight?
Sir James: (Wearily.) Well, I'll try...
Bond: "That's a first, even for me...."
(it should be possible to make a mastrubation joke here, but it escapes me)
Bond: " Worry not. This always happens when I bed wenches."
Solitaire: "But since you took my virginity I have lost my sight!"
Bond: "Back in my schoolboy days the nuns threathened something simmular would happen to me. Trust me, it's not true."
Lord Kananga: Thee must explain to me, Solitaire. Thou didst see death in ye cards, yet Sir James doth live still.
Solitaire: 'Twas the death of Rosie I must have seen.
Lord Kananga: Thou hast made me angry with you. Ye would not like me when I be angry.
(Hulk joke?)
(Later...)
Solitaire: Thou must put down those cards!
Sir James: Oh? I didst rather fancy a game of strip poker. You strip, and I’ll-
Solitaire: The cards will tell thee nothing, the sight is a gift given to only a few.
....
Solitaire: Sir James, since I bedded you I am a greatly changed woman!
Sir James: Worry not. This always happens when I bed wenches.
Solitaire: But since you took my virginity I have lost my sight!
Sir James: That’s a first, even for me. Back in my schoolboy days the nuns threatened something similar would happen to me. Trust me, it's not true.
Solitaire: Nay, my second sight.
Sir James: Ah, I shalt fetch ye cards.
Solitaire:
....
Solitaire: Ist there time for lovers' lesson number eight?
Sir James: (Wearily.) Well, I'll try...
On top at the back ?
I have a few ideas but it will be this evening before I can
Write anything long.
The Bond team have always been quite inventive in their search for alternatives to car chases- fire engine in AVTAK, cello case in TLD, bus in LALD, moon buggy in DAF, etc etc- but our choices are much more limited. The barge in Ye Gilded Eye was clever, and so is this.
(Feigns innocent look.... whistles nonchalantly...)
(Solitaire shows Sir James the poppy fields... Baron Samedi sees the two together... men on horseback chase them, Sir James leaps on top of a convenient stagecoach and tells Solitaire to get inside.... they drive under a low bridge, he yells at her to get down, the top slices off and hits the following riders... they get to the pier and escape on Quarrel's boat.)
Act 4, Scene 1. A port.
(After they land, they are captured by Yeoman Big's men (if we want to use the cab driver, then we have to write an earlier scene (Act 2, Scene 3) to introduce him). Sir James escapes though Solitaire doesn't. Would be nice to have the little old lady Mrs Bell thinking James is her instructor, but obviously planes are out.)
See http://www.ajb007.co.uk/post/867472/#p867472