Let's hope Scene 4 makes you laugh, N24. Kerim takes Sir James to ye gypsy camp...
Scene 4. A carriage.
Kerim: Tonight, Sir James, we must go and see mine friend Vavra. He ist ye head of a clan of gypsies, who sometimes have been of service to me. (Ye carriage draws up at the doors of a gypsy camp. One of ye gypsies rushes up to greet Kerim.)
(Would be nice if we could find a twist on the fighting girls. Or even on the gypsies!)
Scene 4. A carriage.
Kerim: Tonight, Sir James, we must go and see mine friend Vavra. He ist ye head of a clan of gypsies, who sometimes have been of service to me. (Ye carriage draws up at the doors of a gypsy camp. One of ye gypsies rushes up to greet Kerim.)
Sir James: What did he say?
Kerim: It seems we have arrived at ye wrong time- 'tis their drag night.
Sir James: So, less gypsy camp and more camp gypsies?
Kerim: As I'm an old friend of ye family we'll be allowed to stay. Ah, here ist Vavra now. (They art approached by a huge black-bearded man, wearing a chiffon evening gown and a blonde wig.)
Vavra: Oooh, Kerim sweetheart, how nice to see you!
Kerim: Greetings Vavra, what a beautiful dress- although not so sure I am about those distasteful emerald shoes.
Vavra: Alas, that was all that was available in my size. And who ist thine delicious friend?
Kerim: This ist he who is called Bond, James Bond, who ist mine visitor from Albion.
Vavra: Most charmed am I, most charmed. Come, sit with us at table for ye floor show ist about to commence.
Kerim: (Aside.) Sir James, whatever happens thou must not interfere.
Sir James: I shalt be as quiet as a Norwegian at a comedy festival.
Kerim: And do not complain about ye food, either.
Sir James: From Scotland I doth hail, so 'tis most unlikely. (They take their seats and watch.)
Methinks the Gypsies Mantis and Gadget Meister could maybe be arguing over whether clothes or gadgets are better? Or Chula and Barbel arguing over the origins over Thundrtball until the former is eliminated by the latter? )
Oh, not me! My cameos are purely limited* to the band playing "Good Morning [insert name] Town" as Sir James travels ye globe!
Would someone (other than me) like to contact two members (Mantis and GM are a good start, but there will be others- not Higgins & Asp9mm, we already use them frequently) and ask if they'd mind us using them?
Since I doubt if either The Mantis or GM read this thread (although you never know) then someone should PM them to make sure they're ok with us using their IDs in this crazy context. I don't think that request should come from me, for obvious reasons, so do we have a volunteer? I'm thinking perhaps someone devilishly handsome, debonair with a shining wit and sparkling personality...
Act 4, Scene 5. A street in Istanbul (not Constan... you get the idea.) (Kerim, his arm in a sling, and Sir James, carrying a crossbow, doth enter.)
Kerim: Lo, Sir James, see ye yon large tapestry across ye street?
Sir James: Aye, ‘tis advertising a new play. (Ye tapestry doth read "Harry Saltzman & Albert R. Broccoli present Ian Fleming's ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA. Introducing Roger Moore.")
Kerim: Look closely at Cleopatra’s likeness...
Sir James: What should I see?
Kerim: She hath a most beauteous nose, yon lady.
Sir James: Ah, I do see ye outline of a hatch!
Kerim: Krilencu’s chambers lie hinter yon tapestry- he thinks I do not know this. In but a few moments, mine sons in the guise of constables shalt knock on his door and he shalt try to escape through yon hatch. Then ye shalt slay him with mine crossbow. (Ye hatch doth open, and Krilencu doth appear, dangling from Cleopatra's nose.)
Kerim: Arm or no arm, I hath to be ye one who slays him! Apace, Sir James, thine shoulder!
Sir James: Wipe him out, Kerim! (Kerim rests ye crossbow on Sir James’s shoulder and fires. His aim ist true, and Krilencu falls slain to ye street.)
Kerim: Glad I am that this has been done.
Sir James: 'Twas not to be sniffed at.
Not very funny, I know, please feel free to add ye jokes.
Act 4, Scene 6. A boarding house; ye chambers of Sir James. (Sir James returns to find Tania in his bed.)
Tania: I am Tatiana Romanova- mine friends call me "Tania".
Sir James: And I am he who ist called Bond, James Bond- mine friends call me Naught Naught Seven.
Tania: This I know, for thine likeness ist familar to me.
Sir James: Thou art one of ye most beautiful women I hath ever seen.
Tania: I thank'ee, but methinks mine mouth ist too big.
Sir James: I too have something that is oft times commented on as being "Too Big".... Wouldst thou like to see?
Act 4, Scene 5. A street in Istanbul (not Constan... you get the idea.)
(Kerim, his arm in a sling, and Sir James, carrying a crossbow, doth enter.)
Kerim: Lo, Sir James, see ye yon large tapestry across ye street?
Sir James: a common misapprehension, tis obviously a piece of needle point
Kerim: M mentioned your knowledge in many such matters
Sir James: several times I hath correct his knowledge, the old fox
Kerim: I hath heard him expell the words For Fox-sake, or what sound'ith like it at times. Still you see
You tap ..... Needlepoint ?
Sir James: Aye, ‘tis advertising a new play.
(Ye needlepoint doth read "Harry Saltzman & Albert R. Broccoli present Ian Fleming's ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA. Introducing Roger Moore.")
Kerim: Look closely at Cleopatra’s likeness...
Sir James: What should I see?
Kerim: She hath a most beauteous nose, yon lady.do thee see her hatch ?
Sir James: her what? Surely, I would need to look lower to see ....
Kerim: a doorway or Hatch !
Sir James: Ah, I do see ye outline of a hatch!
Kerim: Krilencu’s chambers lie hinter yon tapestry- he thinks I do not know this. In but a few moments, mine sons in the guise of constables shalt knock on his door and he shalt try to escape through yon hatch. Then ye shalt slay him with mine crossbow.
( Two young boys of about ten arrive with baggy uniforms and fake moustaches, appear, nod to Kermin and
Cross to knock on the buildings door )
Kerim: there be two of my youngest son's, I couldn't get a sitter and they wanted to help !
Sir James: never too young to learn.
(Ye hatch doth open, and Krilencu doth appear, dangling from Cleopatra's nose.)
Kerim: Arm or no arm, I hath to be ye one who slays him! Apace, Sir James, thine shoulder!
( Sir James, puts his fingers in his ears as Kermin Tracy's to fire, as revenge dangles before him )
Sir James: Wipe him out, Kerim!
(Kerim rests ye crossbow on Sir James’s shoulder and fires. His aim ist true, and Krilencu falls slain to ye street.)
Kerim: Glad I am that this has been done.
Sir James: 'Twas not to be sniffed at. Anyone tell you, you have a nose for this sort of work !
Kermin: I do find selling carpets a bore.
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
Act 4, Scene 6. A boarding house; ye chambers of Sir James.
(Sir James returns to find Tania in his bed.)
Tania: I am Tatiana Romanova- mine friends call me "Tania".
Sir James: And I am he who ist called Bond, James Bond- mine friends call me Naught Naught Seven.
Tania: This I know, for thine likeness ist familar to me.
Sir James: Thou art one of ye most beautiful women I hath ever seen.
Tania: I thank'ee, but methinks mine mouth ist too big.
Sir James: I too have something that is oft times commented on as being "Too Big".... Wouldst thou like to see
Tania: yes, I can feel it, ................ Oh! It is Big, isn't it ? ....... The skin feels quite hard around it .......
Sir James: aye the scar on my lower back is big ! Have you brought the Lecktor with you ?
Tania: we can talk about that in the morning , now let us engage in a little detente .......
Sir James: I may well enjoy a closer soviet union.
( From behind a glass panel, a small team of artists, do make paintings and preliminary sketches, of the couple )
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
Act 4, Scene 9. Sir James and Tania meet on a boat.
Tania: Sir James, art thou sure 'tis safe to meet here?
Sir James: Aye, 'tis safe. Thou must tell me more about ye Lektor code.
Tania: Ah, that is all ye doth want, all ye are interested in. Thou art not interested in me.
Sir James: Tania, of course I am! But, I prithee, thou must tell me more for mine masters in Albion.
Tania: 'Tis brown, brown like thine eyes...
(Sir James doth enscribe every word and send a scroll to Sir Miles, who doth have it read to him later by Maid Moneypenny.)
Moneypenny: ..."brown like thine eyes".... (Drifts off.)
Sir Miles: Continue, Maid Moneypenny, continue!
Sir James: Continue, Tania, continue!
Tania: 'Tis a very secret scroll, only few art allowed access to it, and... Sir James, willt thou make love to me in Albion?
Sir James: Both day and night I shalt endeavour! Now, about ye scroll...
Tania: 'Tis locked in a most secret safe, and... Sir James, tell me, am I as exciting as ye girls from ye West?
Sir James: Well, once I wast with Sir Miles in Ireland, and...
Moneypenny: "Well, once I wast with Sir Miles in Ireland and.."
Sir Miles: That will be all, Maid Moneypenny! Leave us!
Sir James: ... but later I shalt tell ye. Now, where ist ye code kept?
Tania: 'Tis in a sealed room- look ye at this chart.
Sir James: Then I shalt call to collect both ye and yon code the day after the morrow, on ye 14th.
(I left out Scene 7 (the mosque- no dialogue) and Scene 8 (back in Kerim's office- same as before) but if anyone feels like writing them....)
Act 5, Scene 1. Ye consulate of ye Tsars. Enter Sir James.
Sir James: Thine sundial, it ist correct?
Clerk: Aye, good sir, it ist.
Sir James: I thank'ee. (He doth take a seat, and wait a few moments.)
Sir James: Thou art sure thine sundial ist correct?
Clerk: But of course, good sir, pray take a seat.
Sir James: Aye, that I will. (Sir James doth wait a few minutes longer.)
Sir James: Art thou truly certain thine sundial ist correct?
Clerk: Look, sunshine, if you don't- (There ist a terrific explosion as Kerim sets off gunpowder below ye consulate. Sir James, following ye chart, finds the chamber where Tania ist working with ye Hannibal Lektor code.)
Tania: But, Sir James, today ist ye 13th!
Sir James: Lucky for some! Come with me, Tania! (He grabs ye Lektor and leads Tania to ye privy.)
Tania: But that is ye gent's privy!
Sir James: First time for everything. Now, down here we must go. (Below they art met by Kerim.)
Sir James and Vavra approach two Knights who are engaged in argument.
Sir Mantis: Thou art incorrect, sir! Garments are of more import than thine infernal contraptions! What sayest thou, Master of Ye Gadgets?
Sir Gadget Master: Sir Mantis, ''tis thou who art incorrect - not all who drink in this tavern are solely dispossessed to value a Knight by his garb.
Sir Mantis: Then, sir, I throw down my gauntlet to thee! And a very fine gauntlet it is too, from Sir Tom of Ford.
Sir Gadget Master: Forsooth! Vavra! Wherefore art mine Walther jousting poles? Ye natty ones with ye light-up personalised grips?
Sir Mantis and Sir Gadget Master each taketh a pole and mount a horse. As Vavra counts to ten, their steeds begin to trot away from the other.
Sir Mantis, under his breath: 'Tis lucky mine Rider's Church boots will not be soiled by this gypsy encampment...
Sir Gadget Master, under his breath: 'Tis lucky mine horse's saddle may eject me into the air shouldst I press the special stud on its harness...
Vavra (counting): ... nine... ten! Turn and joust!
As the two Knights turn and face each other, a fusillade of arrows thud to the ground between them and Krilencu appears...
Can I just say a massive thanks to Mantis and Gadget Meister for being such great sports! {[]
(Sir James and Vavra approach two Knights who are engaged in argument.)
Sir Mantis: Thou art incorrect, sir! Garments are of more import than thine infernal contraptions! What sayest thou, Master of Ye Gadgets?
Ye Gadget Master: Sir Mantis, 'tis thou who art incorrect - not all who drink in this tavern are solely dispossessed to value a Knight by his garb.
Sir Mantis: Then, sir, I throw down my gauntlet to thee! And a very fine gauntlet it is too, from Sir Tomas of Ford.
Ye Gadget Master: Forsooth! Vavra! Wherefore art mine Walther jousting poles? Ye natty ones with ye light-up personalised grips? (Sir Mantis and Ye Gadget Master each taketh a pole and mount a horse. As Vavra counts to ten, their steeds begin to trot away from the other.)
Sir Mantis: (Aside.) 'Tis lucky mine Rider's Church boots will not be soiled by this gypsy encampment...
YeGadget Master: (Aside.) 'Tis lucky mine horse's saddle may eject me into ye air shouldst I press the special stud on its harness...
Vavra: (Counting) ... nine... ten! Turn and joust! (As ye two Knights turn and face each other, a fusillade of arrows thud to ye ground between them as Krilencu and his men appear. Much fighting begins. Sir James aids Vavra's men, and Krilencu ist forced to retreat. Kerim ist wounded in his arm.)
Kerim: Alack, I am naught but a clumsy old man. I thank'ee for thine help, Sir James. (From off, a scream ist heard.)
Kerim: Ah, they art making one of Krilencu's men talk.
Vavra: Kerim Bey, Krillencu did give orders that thou wert to be slain but Sir James wast not to be touched.
Kerim: I thank'ee Vavra. Sir James, thou must come with me...
Kerim: This wagon train ist heading to Venice- quick, let us board!
Sir James: Tania, why dost thou tarry?
Tania: 'Tis Bendz- he hast seen us!
Sir James: There ist no time, we must board ye wagon train! (Sir James, Tania and Kerim board ye wagon train, quickly followed by Bendz. Unseen by all, Grant doth board also.)
Kerim: Here ist thine chamber- thou must tarry here while I dost speak with ye wagonmaster. (Exits.)
Tania: So, thou shalt take me to Albion in this chamber Sir James?
Sir James: Aye, 'tis here we shalt have our honeymoon.
Tania: Honeymoon? But I hast nothing to wear!
Sir James: With this I have no problem....
(A discreet interval later...)
Kerim: Come with me, Sir James, and we shalt visit Bendz. (Kerim and Sir James enter ye chambers of Bendz, by pretending to be ye wagonmaster. Bendz ist quickly overcome.)
Kerim: Thou must return to thine chambers, Sir James, whilst I remain here and entertain our friend with mine life story. (Sir James exits, and does not see Grant lurking nearby.)
Comments
But if you'd like to pop round, my friend and his large chopper will be happy to explain it to you:
Scene 4. A carriage.
Kerim: Tonight, Sir James, we must go and see mine friend Vavra. He ist ye head of a clan of gypsies, who sometimes have been of service to me.
(Ye carriage draws up at the doors of a gypsy camp. One of ye gypsies rushes up to greet Kerim.)
(Would be nice if we could find a twist on the fighting girls. Or even on the gypsies!)
I refuse getting an explaination. You must understand, not getting the non-existing jokes in that post is a matter of principle for me.
With the two fighting girls replaced with, perhaps two AJB good sports ?
But where could we find two AJB'ers who would fight...?
Sartorial elegance ? With perhaps a bit of " Julian and Sandy's Bona Polari "
Although I understand, the language difference, so something simple.
I was just joking! Just my way of commenting on the bawdy humor. I giggle like a little girl at my post, even though no-one else did.
Kerim: Tonight, Sir James, we must go and see mine friend Vavra. He ist ye head of a clan of gypsies, who sometimes have been of service to me.
(Ye carriage draws up at the doors of a gypsy camp. One of ye gypsies rushes up to greet Kerim.)
Sir James: What did he say?
Kerim: It seems we have arrived at ye wrong time- 'tis their drag night.
Sir James: So, less gypsy camp and more camp gypsies?
Kerim: As I'm an old friend of ye family we'll be allowed to stay. Ah, here ist Vavra now.
(They art approached by a huge black-bearded man, wearing a chiffon evening gown and a blonde wig.)
Vavra: Oooh, Kerim sweetheart, how nice to see you!
Kerim: Greetings Vavra, what a beautiful dress- although not so sure I am about those distasteful emerald shoes.
Vavra: Alas, that was all that was available in my size. And who ist thine delicious friend?
Kerim: This ist he who is called Bond, James Bond, who ist mine visitor from Albion.
Vavra: Most charmed am I, most charmed. Come, sit with us at table for ye floor show ist about to commence.
Kerim: (Aside.) Sir James, whatever happens thou must not interfere.
Sir James: I shalt be as quiet as a Norwegian at a comedy festival.
Kerim: And do not complain about ye food, either.
Sir James: From Scotland I doth hail, so 'tis most unlikely.
(They take their seats and watch.)
Over to someone else!
Methinks the Gypsies Mantis and Gadget Meister could maybe be arguing over whether clothes or gadgets are better? Or Chula and Barbel arguing over the origins over Thundrtball until the former is eliminated by the latter?
Would someone (other than me) like to contact two members (Mantis and GM are a good start, but there will be others- not Higgins & Asp9mm, we already use them frequently) and ask if they'd mind us using them?
* with one or two exceptions...
Act 4, Scene 5. A street in Istanbul (not Constan... you get the idea.)
(Kerim, his arm in a sling, and Sir James, carrying a crossbow, doth enter.)
Kerim: Lo, Sir James, see ye yon large tapestry across ye street?
Sir James: Aye, ‘tis advertising a new play.
(Ye tapestry doth read "Harry Saltzman & Albert R. Broccoli present Ian Fleming's ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA. Introducing Roger Moore.")
Kerim: Look closely at Cleopatra’s likeness...
Sir James: What should I see?
Kerim: She hath a most beauteous nose, yon lady.
Sir James: Ah, I do see ye outline of a hatch!
Kerim: Krilencu’s chambers lie hinter yon tapestry- he thinks I do not know this. In but a few moments, mine sons in the guise of constables shalt knock on his door and he shalt try to escape through yon hatch. Then ye shalt slay him with mine crossbow.
(Ye hatch doth open, and Krilencu doth appear, dangling from Cleopatra's nose.)
Kerim: Arm or no arm, I hath to be ye one who slays him! Apace, Sir James, thine shoulder!
Sir James: Wipe him out, Kerim!
(Kerim rests ye crossbow on Sir James’s shoulder and fires. His aim ist true, and Krilencu falls slain to ye street.)
Kerim: Glad I am that this has been done.
Sir James: 'Twas not to be sniffed at.
Not very funny, I know, please feel free to add ye jokes.
Act 4, Scene 6. A boarding house; ye chambers of Sir James.
(Sir James returns to find Tania in his bed.)
Tania: I am Tatiana Romanova- mine friends call me "Tania".
Sir James: And I am he who ist called Bond, James Bond- mine friends call me Naught Naught Seven.
Tania: This I know, for thine likeness ist familar to me.
Sir James: Thou art one of ye most beautiful women I hath ever seen.
Tania: I thank'ee, but methinks mine mouth ist too big.
Sir James: I too have something that is oft times commented on as being "Too Big".... Wouldst thou like to see?
Needs more!
No problems, I will contact them! -{
(Kerim, his arm in a sling, and Sir James, carrying a crossbow, doth enter.)
Kerim: Lo, Sir James, see ye yon large tapestry across ye street?
Sir James: a common misapprehension, tis obviously a piece of needle point
Kerim: M mentioned your knowledge in many such matters
Sir James: several times I hath correct his knowledge, the old fox
Kerim: I hath heard him expell the words For Fox-sake, or what sound'ith like it at times. Still you see
You tap ..... Needlepoint ?
Sir James: Aye, ‘tis advertising a new play.
(Ye needlepoint doth read "Harry Saltzman & Albert R. Broccoli present Ian Fleming's ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA. Introducing Roger Moore.")
Kerim: Look closely at Cleopatra’s likeness...
Sir James: What should I see?
Kerim: She hath a most beauteous nose, yon lady.do thee see her hatch ?
Sir James: her what? Surely, I would need to look lower to see ....
Kerim: a doorway or Hatch !
Sir James: Ah, I do see ye outline of a hatch!
Kerim: Krilencu’s chambers lie hinter yon tapestry- he thinks I do not know this. In but a few moments, mine sons in the guise of constables shalt knock on his door and he shalt try to escape through yon hatch. Then ye shalt slay him with mine crossbow.
( Two young boys of about ten arrive with baggy uniforms and fake moustaches, appear, nod to Kermin and
Cross to knock on the buildings door )
Kerim: there be two of my youngest son's, I couldn't get a sitter and they wanted to help !
Sir James: never too young to learn.
(Ye hatch doth open, and Krilencu doth appear, dangling from Cleopatra's nose.)
Kerim: Arm or no arm, I hath to be ye one who slays him! Apace, Sir James, thine shoulder!
( Sir James, puts his fingers in his ears as Kermin Tracy's to fire, as revenge dangles before him )
Sir James: Wipe him out, Kerim!
(Kerim rests ye crossbow on Sir James’s shoulder and fires. His aim ist true, and Krilencu falls slain to ye street.)
Kerim: Glad I am that this has been done.
Sir James: 'Twas not to be sniffed at. Anyone tell you, you have a nose for this sort of work !
Kermin: I do find selling carpets a bore.
(Sir James returns to find Tania in his bed.)
Tania: I am Tatiana Romanova- mine friends call me "Tania".
Sir James: And I am he who ist called Bond, James Bond- mine friends call me Naught Naught Seven.
Tania: This I know, for thine likeness ist familar to me.
Sir James: Thou art one of ye most beautiful women I hath ever seen.
Tania: I thank'ee, but methinks mine mouth ist too big.
Sir James: I too have something that is oft times commented on as being "Too Big".... Wouldst thou like to see
Tania: yes, I can feel it, ................ Oh! It is Big, isn't it ? ....... The skin feels quite hard around it .......
Sir James: aye the scar on my lower back is big ! Have you brought the Lecktor with you ?
Tania: we can talk about that in the morning , now let us engage in a little detente .......
Sir James: I may well enjoy a closer soviet union.
( From behind a glass panel, a small team of artists, do make paintings and preliminary sketches, of the couple )
Tania: Sir James, art thou sure 'tis safe to meet here?
Sir James: Aye, 'tis safe. Thou must tell me more about ye Lektor code.
Tania: Ah, that is all ye doth want, all ye are interested in. Thou art not interested in me.
Sir James: Tania, of course I am! But, I prithee, thou must tell me more for mine masters in Albion.
Tania: 'Tis brown, brown like thine eyes...
(Sir James doth enscribe every word and send a scroll to Sir Miles, who doth have it read to him later by Maid Moneypenny.)
Moneypenny: ..."brown like thine eyes".... (Drifts off.)
Sir Miles: Continue, Maid Moneypenny, continue!
Sir James: Continue, Tania, continue!
Tania: 'Tis a very secret scroll, only few art allowed access to it, and... Sir James, willt thou make love to me in Albion?
Sir James: Both day and night I shalt endeavour! Now, about ye scroll...
Tania: 'Tis locked in a most secret safe, and... Sir James, tell me, am I as exciting as ye girls from ye West?
Sir James: Well, once I wast with Sir Miles in Ireland, and...
Moneypenny: "Well, once I wast with Sir Miles in Ireland and.."
Sir Miles: That will be all, Maid Moneypenny! Leave us!
Sir James: ... but later I shalt tell ye. Now, where ist ye code kept?
Tania: 'Tis in a sealed room- look ye at this chart.
Sir James: Then I shalt call to collect both ye and yon code the day after the morrow, on ye 14th.
(I left out Scene 7 (the mosque- no dialogue) and Scene 8 (back in Kerim's office- same as before) but if anyone feels like writing them....)
Sir James: Thine sundial, it ist correct?
Clerk: Aye, good sir, it ist.
Sir James: I thank'ee.
(He doth take a seat, and wait a few moments.)
Sir James: Thou art sure thine sundial ist correct?
Clerk: But of course, good sir, pray take a seat.
Sir James: Aye, that I will.
(Sir James doth wait a few minutes longer.)
Sir James: Art thou truly certain thine sundial ist correct?
Clerk: Look, sunshine, if you don't-
(There ist a terrific explosion as Kerim sets off gunpowder below ye consulate. Sir James, following ye chart, finds the chamber where Tania ist working with ye Hannibal Lektor code.)
Tania: But, Sir James, today ist ye 13th!
Sir James: Lucky for some! Come with me, Tania!
(He grabs ye Lektor and leads Tania to ye privy.)
Tania: But that is ye gent's privy!
Sir James: First time for everything. Now, down here we must go.
(Below they art met by Kerim.)
Yes, great news! so please leave it with me to write this bit -{
I'm off to the bar to see if Number 24 has got lost in there...
Sir James and Vavra approach two Knights who are engaged in argument.
Sir Mantis: Thou art incorrect, sir! Garments are of more import than thine infernal contraptions! What sayest thou, Master of Ye Gadgets?
Sir Gadget Master: Sir Mantis, ''tis thou who art incorrect - not all who drink in this tavern are solely dispossessed to value a Knight by his garb.
Sir Mantis: Then, sir, I throw down my gauntlet to thee! And a very fine gauntlet it is too, from Sir Tom of Ford.
Sir Gadget Master: Forsooth! Vavra! Wherefore art mine Walther jousting poles? Ye natty ones with ye light-up personalised grips?
Sir Mantis and Sir Gadget Master each taketh a pole and mount a horse. As Vavra counts to ten, their steeds begin to trot away from the other.
Sir Mantis, under his breath: 'Tis lucky mine Rider's Church boots will not be soiled by this gypsy encampment...
Sir Gadget Master, under his breath: 'Tis lucky mine horse's saddle may eject me into the air shouldst I press the special stud on its harness...
Vavra (counting): ... nine... ten! Turn and joust!
As the two Knights turn and face each other, a fusillade of arrows thud to the ground between them and Krilencu appears...
Can I just say a massive thanks to Mantis and Gadget Meister for being such great sports! {[]
Act I, Scene IV. A gypsy encampment.
(Sir James and Vavra approach two Knights who are engaged in argument.)
Sir Mantis: Thou art incorrect, sir! Garments are of more import than thine infernal contraptions! What sayest thou, Master of Ye Gadgets?
Ye Gadget Master: Sir Mantis, 'tis thou who art incorrect - not all who drink in this tavern are solely dispossessed to value a Knight by his garb.
Sir Mantis: Then, sir, I throw down my gauntlet to thee! And a very fine gauntlet it is too, from Sir Tomas of Ford.
Ye Gadget Master: Forsooth! Vavra! Wherefore art mine Walther jousting poles? Ye natty ones with ye light-up personalised grips?
(Sir Mantis and Ye Gadget Master each taketh a pole and mount a horse. As Vavra counts to ten, their steeds begin to trot away from the other.)
Sir Mantis: (Aside.) 'Tis lucky mine Rider's Church boots will not be soiled by this gypsy encampment...
YeGadget Master: (Aside.) 'Tis lucky mine horse's saddle may eject me into ye air shouldst I press the special stud on its harness...
Vavra: (Counting) ... nine... ten! Turn and joust!
(As ye two Knights turn and face each other, a fusillade of arrows thud to ye ground between them as Krilencu and his men appear. Much fighting begins. Sir James aids Vavra's men, and Krilencu ist forced to retreat. Kerim ist wounded in his arm.)
Kerim: Alack, I am naught but a clumsy old man. I thank'ee for thine help, Sir James.
(From off, a scream ist heard.)
Kerim: Ah, they art making one of Krilencu's men talk.
Vavra: Kerim Bey, Krillencu did give orders that thou wert to be slain but Sir James wast not to be touched.
Kerim: I thank'ee Vavra. Sir James, thou must come with me...
Ok?
Fair enough, consider it done!
Act 5, Scene 2. A waystation.
Kerim: This wagon train ist heading to Venice- quick, let us board!
Sir James: Tania, why dost thou tarry?
Tania: 'Tis Bendz- he hast seen us!
Sir James: There ist no time, we must board ye wagon train!
(Sir James, Tania and Kerim board ye wagon train, quickly followed by Bendz. Unseen by all, Grant doth board also.)
Kerim: Here ist thine chamber- thou must tarry here while I dost speak with ye wagonmaster. (Exits.)
Tania: So, thou shalt take me to Albion in this chamber Sir James?
Sir James: Aye, 'tis here we shalt have our honeymoon.
Tania: Honeymoon? But I hast nothing to wear!
Sir James: With this I have no problem....
(A discreet interval later...)
Kerim: Come with me, Sir James, and we shalt visit Bendz.
(Kerim and Sir James enter ye chambers of Bendz, by pretending to be ye wagonmaster. Bendz ist quickly overcome.)
Kerim: Thou must return to thine chambers, Sir James, whilst I remain here and entertain our friend with mine life story.
(Sir James exits, and does not see Grant lurking nearby.)
Need jokes!