(Spoilers for NTTD) Shakespeare's Bond: Work area (All welcome!)

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  • Dirty PunkerDirty Punker ...Your Eyes Only, darling."Posts: 2,587MI6 Agent
    Number24 wrote:
    Barbel wrote:
    Number24 wrote:
    the Hoover

    Nah- that sucks.... ;%


    X-( X-( Autocorrect!!!!
    The sound of hooves :))
    One of my favourite moments here on AJB :)) :)) :))
    Barbel wrote:
    Act 3, Scene 2. Below Tower Bridge.

    Sir James: Ne’er did I think I would be here, meeting thee in a ladies’ privy.
    Dame Miles: Certain am I that this ist not ye first time thou hast been in such a place, Naught Naught Seven. What hast thou learnt about Sir Gustav?
    Sir James: Thou do ask for mine help, after I have been burnt?
    Dame Miles: Thine complexion ist hardly relevant, and anyway I did think that thou had merely acquired a tan during thine sojourn in Cuba.
    Sir JAMES: T'was better than my short dip in the thames...
    Dame Miles: That may be so, but after the Cuban debacle we have become the laughing stock of ye intelligence community.
    Sir James: Wouldn't be the first time, M.
    Needs more, but it's a start!
    I made a couple of tweaks but it needs more, we may take a stab at it later.
    I was re-watching Snatch, how about "zee Germans"?
    a reasonable rate of return
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,344MI6 Agent
    I remember once in high school English class when someone forgot/never knew the word "Hoover", so he said "dust sucker". Dust sucker is a direct translation of "støvsuger". :)) :))
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,876Chief of Staff
    Barbel wrote:
    Act 3, Scene 2. Below Tower Bridge.

    Sir James: Ne’er did I think I would be here, meeting thee in a ladies’ privy.
    Dame Miles: Certain am I that this ist not ye first time thou hast been in such a place, Naught Naught Seven. What hast thou learnt about Sir Gustav?
    Sir James: Thou do ask for mine help, after I have been burnt?
    Dame Miles: Thine complexion ist hardly relevant, and anyway I did think that thou had merely acquired a tan during thine sojourn in Cuba.
    Sir JAMES: T'was better than my short dip in the thames...
    Dame Miles: That may be so, but after the Cuban debacle we have become the laughing stock of ye intelligence community.
    Sir James: Wouldn't be the first time, M.
    Needs more, but it's a start!
    I made a couple of tweaks but it needs more, we may take a stab at it later.
    I was re-watching Snatch, how about "zee Germans"?

    I'll have a bash tomorrow- too tired right now (01.40, home after 2 gigs).
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,876Chief of Staff
    Number24 wrote:
    Q's invisible wagon could be a case of the emperor's new clothes. Everyone plays along with Q's claims that it's invisible, to the point where Bond used coconuts to make the sound of the hooves (Monty Python style).

    it's a great idea, but I don't have the right touch of inspired insanity to write it.

    AA_OLD_MAN_3.jpg
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,876Chief of Staff
    Corrected, compiled, and compounded:

    See https://www.ajb007.co.uk/post/869299/#p869299
  • Dirty PunkerDirty Punker ...Your Eyes Only, darling."Posts: 2,587MI6 Agent
    Barbel wrote:
    Number24 wrote:
    Q's invisible wagon could be a case of the emperor's new clothes. Everyone plays along with Q's claims that it's invisible, to the point where Bond used coconuts to make the sound of the hooves (Monty Python style).

    it's a great idea, but I don't have the right touch of inspired insanity to write it.
    You're a good man, Barbel.
    A good man always knows his limitations.
    a reasonable rate of return
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,876Chief of Staff
    Indeed, and it would make my day if someone added to the scene below!



    Act 3, Scene 1. Cuba. Sir James visits a maker of cigars.

    Sir James: I have come for the Delectables.
    Guard: The Delectables? Did they not have a few hits in ye 60s?
    Sir James: Nay, Delectable cigars!
    Guard: Alack, no longer do we make those cigars here.
    Sir James: I have heard that real Cuban cigars are rolled on the thighs by virgins, would this be true?
    Guard: Aye, ‘tis true, that ist ye tradition- but we cannot find virgins to employ.
    Sir James: Most saddened I am to hear this. Thou should take me to thine employer forthwith.
    Raoul: And who doth seek me?
    Sir James: I am he who is called Bond, James Bond. Ye Delectables I have called for.
    Raoul: Ne'er did I think I would hear this.

    Any ideas welcome!
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    Act 3, Scene 1. Cuba. Sir James visits a maker of cigars.

    Sir James: I have come for the Delectables.
    Guard: The Delectables? Did they not have a few hits in ye 60s? Like Mine love is like a prick ................ on a Tudor rose and
    There beith nothing wrong with a little bump and grind.
    Sir James: Nay, Delectable cigars! Thy knowist, put thine lips round it and suck ?
    ( Sir James, mimes sucking on a cigar )
    Guard: ah!, You'll be wanting Jose, he has a reputation for such ......
    Sir James Nay! This a special request.
    Ghar: I do not think Jose does requests ? ...
    Sir James, Please, just the Cigars ! ....
    ( Sir James points to a box )
    Sir James: .... Like these, that come with a Health warning.
    Guard: oh!, ..... Although to be honest Jose also comes with a health warning , he .....
    Sir James : The Delectables ?
    Guard: Alack, no longer do we make those cigars here.
    Sir James: I have heard that real Cuban cigars are rolled on the thighs by virgins, would this be true?
    Guard: Aye, ‘tis true, that ist ye tradition- but we cannot find virgins to employ. It seems this generation
    Just love to Roger More.
    Sir James: Most saddened I am to hear this. Thou should take me to thine employer forthwith.
    (Sir James is taken to a rooftop office, a man is taking a cigar from a box and lighting it .... )
    Sir James: Humidor ?
    Raoul: Nay, mine name is Raoul, and who doth seek me?
    Sir James: I am he who is called Bond, James Bond. Ye Delectables I have called for.
    Raoul: Ne'er did I think I would hear this ....... Although there is quite a large fee for storage .

    ( A prick on a Tudor rose, is from Blackadder 2 )
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,876Chief of Staff
    :)) :)) :)) Day made.

    Sir James: I do seek a tourist, er, terrorist called Zao.
    Raoul: Hm, in this I do believe I can help thee.
    Sir James: Also, a most speedy carriage would be of assistance.
    Raoul: Most surely, and I prithee take this scroll also: “Birds Of The West Indies”. Thee may find it of nominal value.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,876Chief of Staff
    Unless anyone wants to add to this scene:

    See https://www.ajb007.co.uk/post/869299/#p869299

    Then we're off to the island!
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,876Chief of Staff
    Please revamp, rewrite, redo at will!

    See https://www.ajb007.co.uk/post/869299/#p869299
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,344MI6 Agent
    (after googling "inordinate")

    :))
  • Dirty PunkerDirty Punker ...Your Eyes Only, darling."Posts: 2,587MI6 Agent
    Barbel wrote:
    Act 3, Scene 3. An apothecary's lair.

    Apothecary: So, thou do wish to change thine face?
    Miss Hap: Aye, 'tis so.
    Apothecary: Yet thou art most beauteous, why would this be so?
    Miss Hap: I do wish to hide from the Razzies, to me they have been most unkind.
    Apothecary: Well, ye simplest method is to use this most magnificent set of glasses, nose and moustache but I do feel that this may perhaps be inappropriate for a maiden. Hm, let me study thee...
    Miss Hap: Mayhap it may be more appropriate for thee to study this!
    (She produces a dagger, slays ye apothecary, and exits.)
    It feels to be...I dunno, a bit short. I will come back with fresh ideas.
    The editing process always takes a lot out of me (wanna know what I mean, check out random chat)
    a reasonable rate of return
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,344MI6 Agent
    I've been thinking of what a Shakespearean version of the satellite and the death ray could be. Vemork (of heavy water sabotage fame) has a large mirror on the side of a mountain to divert sunlight into the town at the bottom of the valley. In our version the mirror could be clad with silver or gold (gold is more Bondian) stolen from the Master of Coin in the Tower of London. Bringing sunlight for people, cattle and crops in narrow vallies could be the humanitarian reason for building the golden mirror. Archimedes made such a mirror to use the sunlight to set fire to the sails of enemy ships. An exaggerated version of this could be the evil use of the mirror.

    (my arch enemy autocorrect changed "sails" to "snails". This could become a joke if someone gets it wrong)
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,876Chief of Staff
    Barbel wrote:
    Act 3, Scene 3. An apothecary's lair.

    Apothecary: So, thou do wish to change thine face?
    Miss Hap: Aye, 'tis so.
    Apothecary: Yet thou art most beauteous, why would this be so?
    Miss Hap: I do wish to hide from the Razzies, to me they have been most unkind.
    Apothecary: Well, ye simplest method is to use this most magnificent set of glasses, nose and moustache but I do feel that this may perhaps be inappropriate for a maiden. Hm, let me study thee...
    Miss Hap: Mayhap it may be more appropriate for thee to study this!
    (She produces a dagger, slays ye apothecary, and exits.)
    It feels to be...I dunno, a bit short. I will come back with fresh ideas.

    Yes, a few more lines would be great. :)
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,876Chief of Staff
    Number24 wrote:
    I've been thinking of what a Shakespearean version of the satellite and the death ray could be. Vemork (of heavy water sabotage fame) has a large mirror on the side of a mountain to divert sunlight into the town at the bottom of the valley. In our version the mirror could be clad with silver or gold (gold is more Bondian) stolen from the Master of Coin in the Tower of London. Bringing sunlight for people, cattle and crops in narrow vallies could be the humanitarian reason for building the golden mirror. Archimedes made such a mirror to use the sunlight to set fire to the sails of enemy ships. An exaggerated version of this could be the evil use of the mirror.

    Nice one- yes, Graves has built a giant mirror! {[]
  • Dirty PunkerDirty Punker ...Your Eyes Only, darling."Posts: 2,587MI6 Agent
    Barbel wrote:
    Number24 wrote:
    I've been thinking of what a Shakespearean version of the satellite and the death ray could be. Vemork (of heavy water sabotage fame) has a large mirror on the side of a mountain to divert sunlight into the town at the bottom of the valley. In our version the mirror could be clad with silver or gold (gold is more Bondian) stolen from the Master of Coin in the Tower of London. Bringing sunlight for people, cattle and crops in narrow vallies could be the humanitarian reason for building the golden mirror. Archimedes made such a mirror to use the sunlight to set fire to the sails of enemy ships. An exaggerated version of this could be the evil use of the mirror.


    Nice one- yes, Graves has built a giant mirror! {[]
    I'm thinking of the ice palace being a castle of ice on a big mountain and the demonstration being controlled by his men down the mountain.
    That's actually a good idea, patting self on the back for that one and Graves would have an artificial garden of death.
    Very You Only Live Twice novel.
    a reasonable rate of return
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,344MI6 Agent
    Iceland can still be used. He's making the mirror there. It's hard to think of something stranger than an ice palace....... an ice bar, perhaps?
    The tasty dish made of rotten shark meat (mentioned in Raker of Moons) can make a cameo.
    I think the scene where Bond and Frost kiss when the Guardian find them where they aren't supposed to be can be greatly expanded upon..... if you know what I mean :v
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,876Chief of Staff
    Oh yes, definitely. Much scope for double-entendres there: if only we knew someone who was good at that sort of thing....
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,876Chief of Staff
    A quick first draft:

    See https://www.ajb007.co.uk/post/869299/#p869299

    Please improve, increase, and intensify!
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,344MI6 Agent
    Oh.... the building on Iceland should be an ice smithy - where they forge the mirror. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but there are some unforseen practical problems.......
    An ice palace for Graves and his guests to live in? Graves scoffs - that would be a silly idea! They made one of stones, obviously.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,876Chief of Staff
    Will put in a line about the ice smithy in Act 4, Scene 1.

    Edit- ok, that's it in now.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,876Chief of Staff
    A few changes to the scene below:

    See https://www.ajb007.co.uk/post/869299/#p869299
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,344MI6 Agent
    I think it won't work having North Korea attack South Korea. Given the mirror it would make sense with a feet attacking England. Defending English ships are set on fire using the mirror. As u
    But where is the fleet from?
    Korea, China, Ireland, the dastardly French? Shakespeare even used an attacking Norwegian army at the end of Hamlet....
  • Dirty PunkerDirty Punker ...Your Eyes Only, darling."Posts: 2,587MI6 Agent
    Barbel wrote:
    New Wizard: 'Tis a word which ist not to be mentioned in polite company, lest ye be banned for an eon.
    Sir James: Aye, pray tell me.
    New Wizard:
    "Tamahori"
    Sir James: Rest assured I shalt not let anyone hear me say that!
    :)) :)) :)) :))
    a reasonable rate of return
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,876Chief of Staff
    Number24 wrote:
    feet attacking England.

    They would have to land at Cornwall, or Toequay...

    More seriously, yes we have to drop the North/South Korea angle (you might notice it wasn't mentioned earlier) and Graves should use his Icarus mirror as N24 says.
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,344MI6 Agent
    I would genuinly hate autocorrect if the results weren't so funny :))
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,876Chief of Staff
    I can never resist a pun...
  • Dirty PunkerDirty Punker ...Your Eyes Only, darling."Posts: 2,587MI6 Agent
    Actually, I thought you were referring to the Monty Python logo.
    What a coincidence.
    Yes, so convenient.
    :p
    a reasonable rate of return
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,876Chief of Staff
    :) Can't have enough Python references! (Obviously they're usually re John Cleese)
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