(Spoilers for NTTD) Shakespeare's Bond: Work area (All welcome!)

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  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    An ancient monument. Sir James walks towards a door.

    Sir James: I have not seen such a huge crumbling erection, since that after show party with the minstrel Sir Lord Mick Jagger. Such a lot of old, crumbling stones.
    (Sir James enters the building, to find Maid Moneypenny awaiting him.)
    Moneypenny: Thou do look most terrible, Sir James, wert thee at one of those parties again?
    Sir James: ‘Twas most boring, Moneypenny, I did fall asleep. Does Sir Miles await?
    Moneypenny: Through yonder door.
    (Sir James enters, and ist most surprised to find General Gogol sitting there. Sir Miles enters.)
    Sir Miles: Greetings, Naught Naught Seven. No doubt thou hast recognised mine opposite number, General Gogol. In this endeavour, we have joined our forces against a common enemy.
    (Enter XXX.)
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    An ancient monument. Sir James walks towards a door.

    Sir James: I have not seen such a huge crumbling erection, since that after show party with the minstrel Sir Lord Mick Jagger. Such a lot of old, crumbling stones.
    Sir James : Did you get any satisfaction ?
    XXX: it's all over now!
    (Sir James enters the building, to find Maid Moneypenny awaiting him.)
    Moneypenny: Thou do look most terrible, Sir James, wert thee at one of those parties again?
    Sir James: ‘Twas most boring, Moneypenny, I did fall asleep. Does Sir Miles await?
    Moneypenny: Through yonder door.
    (Sir James enters, and ist most surprised to find General Gogol sitting there. With a banner reading
    " FU, .... 007 !" )
    Sir James: The face beith familiar, as is thy banner
    General Gogol: what ? ( Looking round ) a thousand pardons Sir James, let me adjust it ..
    ( General Gogol, pulls the banner fully out to read, " Functionaries of the year XXX and 007 ".......Sir Miles enters.)
    Sir Miles: Greetings, Naught Naught Seven. No doubt thou hast recognised mine opposite number, General Gogol. In this endeavour, we have joined our forces against a common enemy.
    (Enter XXX.)
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    Act 3, Scene 2. An ancient monument. Sir James walks towards a door, to find XXX standing there.

    Sir James: I have not seen such a huge crumbling erection, since that after show party with the minstrel Sir Lord Mick Jagger. Such a lot of old, crumbling stones.
    XXX: You can’t always get what you want.
    Sir James: Did you get any satisfaction?
    XXX: It's all over now!
    (They enter the building, to find Maid Moneypenny awaiting.)
    Moneypenny: Thou do look most terrible, Sir James, wert thee at one of those parties again?
    Sir James: ‘Twas most boring, Moneypenny, I did fall asleep. Does Sir Miles await?
    Moneypenny: Through yonder door.
    (Sir James enters, and ist most surprised to find General Gogol sitting there with a banner reading
    " FU, .... 007 !")

    Sir James: The face be’eth familiar, as is the banner.
    General Gogol: What? (Looking round.) Oh, a thousand pardons Sir James, let me adjust it ...
    (General Gogol pulls the banner fully out to read: " Functionaries of the year XXX and 007 ".......Sir Miles enters.)
    Sir Miles: Greetings, Naught Naught Seven. No doubt thou hast recognised mine opposite number, General Gogol. In this endeavour, we have joined our forces against a common enemy.
    General Gogol: We have been putin, er, put in a new era of co-operation, and as a sign of good faith here ist ye scroll recovered by XXX.
    XXX: Aye, most easy it was.
    Sir James: (Looking daggers at XXX as Sir Miles reaches for ye scroll.) Do not bother, sire, for ‘tis useless.
    Sir Miles: Let us visit ye Old Wizard and see what he can find.
    General Gogol: After ye, Miles.
    Sir Miles: Nay, nay, after thee, Alexei.

    (In ye lair of ye Old Wizard.)
    Old Wizard:
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    (In ye lair of ye Old Wizard.)

    Old Wizard: Thine attention I crave, mine honoured guests. Behold yonder scroll! See, ‘tis ye size of a Venetian octavo! Note the slight upward stress on ye transversals!
    Sir Miles: (Aside to Sir James.) What’s a transversal?
    Sir James: (Aside to Sir Miles.) ‘Tis a man in ladies’ clothing, mine liege.
    Sir Miles: Oh, right. Old Wizard, what ist yon mark there?
    Old Wizard: It looks like a word- “oratory”.
    General Gogol: Oratory?
    XXX: And next to it ist a symbol, a symbol of a fish- ye fleet of Stromberg!
    Old Wizard: Of him I have heard tell, ‘tis said he hast ye fingers of fish.
    Sir James: And birds’ eyes, mayhap?
    Sir Miles: And where may he be found?
    Sir James: He doth have a base in Corsica, I believe.
    XXX: Nay, ‘tis in Sardinia.
    Sir James: Sounds fishy to me.
    General Gogol: Certain am I that you two will enjoy working together- to Sardinia thee must go!
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    edited September 2018
    (In ye lair of ye Old Wizard.)

    Old Wizard: Thine attention I crave, mine honoured guests. Behold yonder scroll! See, ‘tis ye size of a Venetian octavo! Note the slight upward stress on ye transversals!
    Sir Miles: (Aside to Sir James.) What’s a transversal?
    Sir James: (Aside to Sir Miles.) ‘Tis a man in ladies’ clothing, mine liege.
    Sir Miles: Oh, right. Old Wizard, what ist yon mark there?
    Sir James: perhaps a rub through of something it was resting on
    Old wizard : Nay that beith my copy of thee great British bake off parchment. ( rubbing a finger to taste .... ) A bit of strawberry jam.
    Sir James: beith thee sure ?
    Old Wizard : tastes like ..... strawberries.
    Sir James : I knowith naught that thee were a Master Baker.
    Old Wizard: oh, I master bake all the time. But now let us focus on this other Mark.
    Old Wizard: It looks like a word- “oratory”.
    General Gogol: Oratory?
    XXX: And next to it ist a symbol, a symbol of a fish- ye fleet of Stromberg!
    Old Wizard: Of him I have heard tell, ‘tis said he hast ye fingers of fish.
    Sir James: And birds’ eyes, mayhap?
    Sir Miles: And where may he be found?
    Sir James: He doth have a base in Corsica, I believe.
    XXX: Nay, ‘tis in Sardinia.
    Sir James: Sounds fishy to me.
    General Gogol: Certain am I that you two will enjoy working together- to Sardinia thee must go!
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    (In ye lair of ye Old Wizard.)

    Old Wizard: Thine attention I crave, mine honoured guests. Behold yonder scroll! See, ‘tis ye size of a Venetian octavo! Note the slight upward stress on ye transversals!
    Sir Miles: (Aside to Sir James.) What’s a transversal?
    Sir James: (Aside to Sir Miles.) ‘Tis a man in ladies’ clothing, mine liege. Somewhat like those “Lady Boys” thou did -
    Sir Miles: (Apace.) Later, Naught Naught Seven, later! Ahem, Old Wizard, what ist yon mark there?
    Sir James: Perhaps a rub through of something it was resting on?
    Old Wizard: Nay, that be’eth my copy of ye great British Bake Off parchment. (Rubbing a finger to taste....) A bit of strawberry jam.
    Sir James: Be’eth thee sure?
    Old Wizard: Tastes like ..... strawberries.
    Sir James: I know’eth naught that thee were a Master Baker.
    Old Wizard: Oh, I master bake all the time. But now let us focus on this other mark.
    Old Wizard: It looks like a word- “oratory”.
    General Gogol: Oratory?
    XXX: And next to it ist a symbol, a symbol of a fish- ye fleet of Stromberg!
    Old Wizard: Of him I have heard tell, ‘tis said he hast ye fingers of fish.
    Sir James: And birds’ eyes, mayhap?
    Sir Miles: And where may he be found?
    Sir James: Sire, ‘tis not “oratory”, ‘tis “laboratory”!
    General Gogol: Lavatory?
    Old Wizard: ‘Tis down ye corridor, first on ye right.
    Sir James: Nay, nay- Count Stromberg doth have a laboratory in Corsica, I believe.
    XXX: Nay, ‘tis in Sardinia.
    Sir James: Sounds fishy to me.
    General Gogol: Certain am I that you two will enjoy working together- to Sardinia thee must go!
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    Still to be written is the scene where Jaws pursues James & Anya then 007 drives his car into the ocean, where it transforms into a submarine. This would be tricky (which is why I left it out earlier) given the technological limitations- so all ideas welcome!

    One that The Bride suggested was that the horses of Sir James & XXX's carriage magically (a spell by the Old Wizard?) transform into sea-horses!


    Act 4, Scene 3. A carriage.

    XXX: And what did ye learn from thine meeting with Count Stromberg, Sir James?
    Sir James: He ist most definitely up to something, unless that ist only a red herring.
    XXX: I shalt discuss this with General Gogol.
    Sir James: And I with Sir Miles.
    (A carriage comes up behind them, bristling with armed varlets. Among them is Jaws.)
    XXX: Take care, Sir James!
    Sir James: Hmmm, an ancient form of road rage.
    XXX: But what shall we do?
    Sir James: Worry ye not, for ye Old Wizard hath provided this carriage with certain, er, optional extras.

    But what, exactly?
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_submarines
    Some submersibles apparently we're around in the 16th
    Century. Could Bond use the canopy of the carriage as
    A diving bell ?

    "I'm glad I ordered a Surry with a fringe on top "
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    I like that!
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    (Sir James pulls a lever and mud ist expelled from the rear of ye carriage, blinding ye horses of ye carriage behind who suddenly stop, sending Jaws and his henchmen flying out of their carriage and down a slope.)
    XXX: Most amazing!
    Sir James: (Need a good line here)
    XXX: Look out, here comes another!
    (A horseman races up toward them, brandishing a sword. Sir James daringly heads into ye path of a fully-laden market carriage with ye horseman in close pursuit, then turns away at ye last second so ye horseman crashes into the market carriage and flies over ye verge surrounded by hideous green footwear.)
    Sir James: He went head over heels for that...
    (An ornithopter flown by a beauteous maid doth begin dropping stones on their carriage. Sir James urges his horses to run faster, and heads straight for a pier.)
    XXX: Nay, Sir James, ‘tis too dangerous!
    Sir James: Oh, I think I can manage.
    (Ye carriage dives into the water.)
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    a few suggestions ;%

    The descent of man,
    It's all down hill from here,
    They've slopped off
    An Acute way to go
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    (Sir James pulls a lever and mud ist expelled from the rear of ye carriage, blinding ye horses of ye carriage behind who suddenly stop, sending Jaws and his henchmen flying out of their carriage and down a slope.)
    XXX: Most amazing!
    Sir James: ‘Tis all downhill from here.
    XXX: Look out, here comes another!
    (A horseman races up toward them, brandishing a sword. Sir James daringly heads into ye path of a fully-laden market carriage with ye horseman in close pursuit, then turns away at ye last second so ye horseman crashes into the market carriage and flies over ye verge surrounded by hideous green footwear.)
    Sir James: He went head over heels for that...
    (An ornithopter flown by a beauteous maid doth begin dropping stones on their carriage. Sir James urges his horses to run faster, and heads straight for a pier.)
    XXX: Nay, Sir James, ‘tis too dangerous!
    Sir James: 'Tis an acute way to go.
    (Ye carriage dives into the water, where Sir James pulls another lever which converts the top of ye carriage into a diving bell. By an enchantment of ye Old Wizard, the horses become seahorses when they contact the water.)
    Sir James: Surprised, XXX?
    XXX: Not really- I stole ye scrolls for this carriage two years ago.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    Sir James: 'Tis time to say goodbye to an uninvited guest.
    (He pulls yet another lever, and an arrow shoots upwards slaying ye ornithopter pilot.)
    XXX: Good shot.
    Sir James: This carriage ist most well-equipped. I am glad I ordered a Surrey with the fringe on top.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    I heard a good one liner in a pub last night:

    "I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know Y."

    I'd like to work it into one of the plays, but can't figure out which one and which scene.
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    The scene from tomorrow never dies when elliot asks
    "Why, why did I do it " ? Or a code breaking/discussion
    Part FRWL perhaps ? ....
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,344MI6 Agent
    When someone writes a letter or a sign of some sort?
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    Thanks, guys, it's in FRWL now. :)
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    From the little info we have, a scene from Sir James 25:

    19956035-10211087882525215-6824055758599374443-o.jpg

    A secluded beach hut. The undertaker's wind blows softly. Sir James and Maid Madeleine lie in bed.
    Maid Madeleine: Oh, Sir James, the life this most surely ist.
    Sir James: Aye, 'tis so. (They kiss.) Thine love doth eclipse all others.
    Maid Madeleine: And we have all the time in-
    Sir James: Hush now, do not say these words!
    (There ist a knock on ye door. Enter Lord Felix.)
    Maid Madeleine: Careful, that door is broken. It has caused many a shatter'd hand.
    Lord Felix: Entering your manor is seldom without risico, Sir James.
    Sir James: Lord Felix! Most pleased I am to see thee.
    Lord Felix: Greetings, Sir James, I take it thou art rested and relaxed?
    Sir James: Aye, I am glad to say you are Wright.
    boris.png
    Lord Felix: Many are glad that I am Wright.
    Maid Madeleine: I hope thou did take note of our modest garden. Nothing will grow there- 'tis truly a garden of death.
    Sir James: Only last month our gardener Hildebrand was a rarity in these parts. Now he has become a regular Death Collector of our plants. But what brings you here, Lord Felix?
    Lord Felix: I have come to ask for thine help with a most important matter. An alchemist of great renown has gone missing, and I request thine help in finding him.
    Sir James: Hmmm...
    Maid Madeleine: Nay! Thou must stay here with me!
    Sir James: 'Twill not take long, my love, and then we shalt have all the time in the-
    Maid Madeleine: Hush!!! Do not say those words!
    Lord Felix: Forgive my asking, but you're my best friend- now that you are retired, Sir James, have you been given a new title from Her Majesty?
    Sir James: I am still waiting for a new title. Only days ago was there a ceremony held at old Sir Ian's manor. All believed my new title would be announced. Alas two new Ladies in Waiting was all that was revealed. Still, God save the Queen.
    Maid Madeleine: Both Sir James and I were present. Sir James likes to attend ceremonies where young ladies are uncovered.
    Lord Felix: No change there, then. Shall we go?
    Maid Madeleine: Sir James- keep yourself alive.
    Sir James: Of course- don't stop me now.
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,344MI6 Agent
    When Lord Felix enters, perhaps Bond or Madeleine could say: "Carefull, that door is broken. It has caused many a shatter'd hand."

    Perhaps more popular title suggestions can be woven in too? If it's bad idea, please ignore me.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    Great idea! I'll revise the above.

    Edit- Stuck in "eclipse", too.
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,344MI6 Agent
    (After the Shatterhand line) Felix: "Entering your manors is seldom without risico, Sir James"

    Madeleine: "I hope you didn't take note of our modest garden. Nothing will grow there - t'is truely a garden of death."
    (something about a collector removing dead plants every week, perhaps?)
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    All now included! :)
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,344MI6 Agent
    Felix: "Now that you are retired, sir James, have you been given a new title from Her Majesty?"
    Sir James should have some line about him still waiting, even though there was some kind of event recently where he thought his new title would be announced)
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    It's included above, plus a few Queen song titles (and there will be more!).
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,344MI6 Agent
    I'm not good at wrighting in Ye Olde English, so please feel free to rewrite my lines. Especially the line about the event where James hoped he'd get a new title was just a sketch, it really needs work.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    I've included it more or less as you wrote it (see above). Don't want to overdo Ye Olde English.

    Well, that's one scene down and we haven't even seen the film yet! :))
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,344MI6 Agent
    James: "I am still waiting, Only days ago was there a cermony held at old Sir Ian's manor. All believed my new title would be announced. Alas two new Ladies in Waiting was a ll that was revealed. Still, God save the Queen."
    Madeleine: "Both James and I were present. James likes to attend cermonies were young ladies are uncovered."
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,344MI6 Agent
    Instead of "A collector removes ye dead plants every week." we can have:

    "Only last month our gardener Hildebrand was a rarity in these parts. Now he has become the a regular Death collector of our plants."
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,874Chief of Staff
    :D I'll fit both of those in later.
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