thanks gymkata, that actually brought a tear to my eye, I havent listened to that record in a long time. I always liked how shamelessly sentimental Queen could get, and even better that aspect would outrage the more conservative metalheads in my high school!
so, some actual Japanese language lyrics in that one, but someone'd have to figure out what they mean
and I see from my photo above, your 100% correct, the black fingernails are only on one hand. Blazes, that makes the stage directions more confusing, because whichever hand he gestures with should have black fingernails, for Dramatick Effecte. Can we just presume both hands have black fingernails for simplicity of stage directions?
yes I think we're getting beyond fact checking, and maybe lesser relevant Queen clips and discussion should be in the What song are you Listening to Thread
though it does help to remind us how Safin should move across the stage of the Globe Theatre, which is important to our task
I was thinking about @Barbel 's reminder this final act takes place in a castle, and I realise I've been imagining Mercury-Safin as a villain out of a Disney princess movie. I could so totally see a Disney villain stooping and wagging a black fingernail threateningly at a tiny little girl.
which reminds me, another line from Let Me Entertain You is "I'll Cruella de Ville you!" which maybe we should also work in.
thanks boss. That whole scene came to me when I was out for a walk Sunday, and I waited til lunchbreak yesterday to get it down, so forgot some important bits the first time. I know you wanted someone to write the Matera carchase scene next, but I couldnt hold that one back any longer. Rewrite the hell of my other ideas if you want, but the "Bismallah No" sequence I just see so perfectly in my mind, like it already exists and it is merely my responsibility to transcribe it.
in rewriting some of my other bits, you dropped the line breaks. could you keep the line breaks in that one section at very least?
Firearms did exist in Shakespeare but were single shot, so take that into account when taking out the henchmen and Safin. It's not Shakespeare without a swordfight or three.
The idea of a missile silo as Safin's base is just too anachronistic, so maybe go back to the castle from the novel YOLT.
Also, when we finally get to the end maybe have the incoming "missiles" be flaming projectiles from a catapult or trebuchet.
just saw this, its getting difficult to keep track!
yes, Safin's headquarters should be a castle, not a missile base, and as such we can use the castle Fleming described and his Garden of Death. (which is another improvement upon EON)
Your description of the incoming missiles is much as I imagine it, can you flesh out the chemistry of such a weapon so that it may do maximum damage and create the blinding white flare? do you know your period-accurate British Naval vessels?
and yes I'd prefer a swordfight rather than gunplay wherever possible.
I'm thinking Gymkata transposed the film's script fairly literally, his priority being to insert as many Freddy Mercury quotes as possible. That was the challenge we discussed above, and he's done that most excellently! But I hope he wont mind if we rework the plot and staging a bit in those scenes to make it sillier and more period accurate! while keeping all Freddy Mercury quotes in place of course, and adding yet more...
I've spent the last two hours working on editing and tieing things together, I'm bushed. I'd appreciate it if anyone tries to write the missing bits (eg Bond and Blofeld, Bond and M, Bond meets Mathilde) rather than the ending which we are almost finished with.
we're not facing a deadline for Opening Night are we?
I think most of Matera, the actual Cuba scene where the SPECTRE agents all die, all of London and all of Norway are still left, thats quite a bit...
the next door neighbour's house at Number 24 Frozen Lake Lane can reappear in the Norway scene, the inhabitant once again sleeping through all the action (or even speaking a line if someone can think of one!)
I'm going to give some of the Matera action scenes a go. I have some fun ideas for the gadgets in the DB5 carriage. However, as it's action, should I treat it as if we were seeing a film of an Elizabethan age Bond, or watching a Globe Theatre play. It's the difference between real horses and men in horse costumes/props. Are we seeing the DB5 go down the rough dirt roads or are characters just mentioning it?
Edited to add-- I just went back and saw the stage directions in some of the posts....Hmmm. So Shakespeare's Bond as produced by Andrew Lloyd Webber or Julie Taymor? I may be able to work with that. 😂
I was thinking real horses. My only idea was: the 360 maneuvre would be so unnatural and awkward for those poor horses, they be whinnying and stumbling and moving sideways very slowly, and it wouldnt be much of a legitimate threat at all. The minions would be so confused by whatever Bond was attempting with this 360 horsedrawn maneuvre theyd fail to step backwards while they had the chance, and still get bowled over by the horses torso and trampled by the hooves. but I never got beyond imagining that one bit and I'm sure someone else could imagine something funnier and completely different.
as for stage directions: I've been inconsistent, but most times its just too funny imagining this all performed on a wooden stage with proto-SteamPunk special effects in front of a rowdy audience (what would Elizabethan SteamPunk be anyway? ClockWorkPunk?) but once or twice I imagined a camera move so slick I stuck it in there anyway even though our Globe Audience could not appreciate it.
anybody seen Terry Gilliam's Baron von Munchausen? thats sort of what I've been imagining, the occasional level-of-reality shifts once the play's begun, at least when theres worthy comedic potential in momentarily forgetting this all is meant to happen on a wooden stage. Or chance for a cool cinematic effect that would be a crime to leave out. Maybe we could end with the rowdy audience once again, who could voice in cruder period-appropriate terms some of the very controversies we've seen argued in our forum?
EDIT: in the real film, the Matera sequence is the absolute cinema magic visual highlight, and the one they chose for all the trailers. If theres one scene in our Playe that should spill beyond the level of reality of the stage and into three dimensional reality with descriptions of slick camera moves thisd be it. The Town itself was so three dimensional with all those hills and bridges and terraces, the very location must burst beyond the confines of the wooden stage.
Rather than do Munchausen (by proxy), I'm thinking more of Olivier's "Henry V", which starts in the Globe and gradually moves out into the "real world" (eg the battle scenes). But we can and should be very flexible- it's our version, we make the rules.
we're assigning each other a lot of homework working on this Projeckte! Queen concert footage, Laurence Olivier movies and more! all this Research shall surely add up to a finer finished product for our Audience to appreciate!
that was very good! I didnt even know Malek didnt do his own singing in Bohemian Rhapsody, our Mercury-Safin character is certainly is living in a delusional dreamworld! but @Barbel I must remind you, its not bullets, its sword-wounds. He's been stabbed [x] number of times, not shot!
earlier this morning when we discussing "is it on a stage" "is it like a film" "is it real" I got to thinking how many of the best jokes are characters aware they are characters in a play yet still living is some delusional netherworld where they slip in and out character or awareness that they are only acting a part. Does Safin really believe he is Freddy Mercury? is he conscious that he is only Rami Malek who has done a recent play where he played a character named Freddy Mercury? is he the Bond villain Safin at all at any level? is he Freddy Mercury believing he is the Black Queen, a character from one of his songs? in fact, he is all of these things at once, and that is what keeps making me laugh! poor old Bond is getting the stage stolen from him in his own play!
Tut tut, @caractacus potts ! That was a direct quote from Gymkata to act as lead in to show you where I was starting from. It will be sorted during rewriting, of course.
I'm doing edits and rewrites and that bit occurred while doing so, and I thought you guys would enjoy it.
that bit occurred while doing so, and I thought you guys would enjoy it
sho did Boss! its a good surprise reveal right where we need one!
coming out the other end of your dialog is Bond's big death scene, he must have already spurted a lot of blood by the time this dialog with the Voice Double has ended, and I had imagined the staging right beside Safin's corpse in the Garden of Death so he need not climb a ladder
woah this gets complicated as we knit together the overlapping scenes!
...
OK lemme think. in the film he would climb a ladder so he's on the roof when the missiles land. (we have giant cannonballs full of phosphorus and magnesium, details to be completed by somebody who actually knows chemistry)
but we've already decided its not a Missile base like in the film, but Blofeld's castle from the book, so the Garden of Death where they have their final duel would already be on the exterior of the castle ... but maybe he should be on the roof of the castle as thats where the giant cannonballs would be aimed? but that robs us of the backdrop of piled up corpses ... and he still has to pick up DouDou so he can hold it in classic Hamlet pose and deliver the Doudou or not DouDou soliloquy, and Mathilde would not have dropped her doll on the roof ... blazes, all this imaginary staging is such tuff work, my head is spinning!
Indeed it is! The editing and rewriting is a massive job, and we're not even halfway finished! I'll have to do it in stages (pun not intended) and keep telling everyone where the gaps are.
I'm going to look for some You Only Live Twice quotes describing the castle and the Garden of Death, that may help us clarify where things are.
I think I've got down all the funny scenes I had in my head, so until I can think of something else, thats something useful I can contribute.
Napoleon's alternate last scene for License to Kill was good stuff, and he had shakespearian jokes in there. I'm sure we could use his special talents here!
Let's try- @Napoleon Plural , would you like to try writing some funny scenes for NTTD? Either just whatever comes to mind, or I can suggest ones we're needing. Don't worry about the Shakespeare stuff, I'll sort that out later.
Death of Felix shouldnt be funny, yet Anonymous Contributor found laffs in the death of Madeeline's mother so it can be done (speaking of which I just got to the bit about the Secret Room where Father keeps Ye Olde Gentlemens Entertainment, I'm sure the entire audience will guess Anonymous Contributor's secret identity from that line alone. Its good his classic Comedy Stylings come first!)
anyway, whenever its looked like Felix is about to die in previous adventures, he always survives with just an arm and a leg missing. He could know this, having read Live and Let die and watched License to Kill and not really be worried, "never mind James you go off to do the next scene and I'll call you at the end of the adventure and tell jokes as if nothing happened", then somehow he's surprised he's really dead this time. I dont know, thats the best vague idea I got, cant quite see precisely how to do it.
Sir James: Look, Lord Felix, I bring thee ye Annoying Little Alchemist.
Lord Felix: I never had any doubt you would, Sir James.
Logan of Ashe: I thank’ee, Sir James. Now, Annoying Little Alchemist, hast thee brought thine satchel of interest?
Annoying Little Alchemist: Oh yes, I have-
Sir James: Hold, let me see what ist in yon satchel.
Logan of Ashe: Nay, ‘tis for me.
Lord Felix: Now, hold on just one-
(They struggle. Sir James manages to have a quick look in ye satchel- his eyebrows raise as he sees ye name "Mallory". Logan of Ashe stabs Lord Felix with his sword. Sir James goes to help Lord Felix, and Logan of Ashe kicks the pair down below and locks ye door before scuttling ye vessel.)
Logan of Ashe: Now, come ye with me.
(He forces ye Annoying Little Alchemist into a small boat, and the two of them depart. Down below, Sir James and Lord Felix struggle against the incoming water.)
Lord Felix: Gravely wounded am I, Sir James. Abandon me and save thineself.
Sir James: Never!
(He tries to save Lord Felix, but the pull of ye water ist too strong.)
Lord Felix: (Weakening.) Worry ye not, Sir James, for I must surely survive. After all, I still have both mine arms and legs.
Sir James: I am afraid, I am petrified. I do not think I can get by without you by my side.
Lord Felix: (Struggling for strength.) All will be fine. Never mind, Sir James, I will call ye at ye end of this adventure and we will tell jokes as if nothing ever happened. I shall flirt with a nurse and you will watch a gigantic stone fish wink at thee.
(And with that, Lord Felix dies in Sir James’ arms. Aghast, Sir James watches as his best friend goes beneath ye water. He comes to his senses and manages to open a door, eventually finding a small boat upon which he shall be found later by ye Royal Navy.)
yes thats good. Not wacky, but a good in-joke referencing our own recent debates about that other film.
_________________________
speaking of content that is not at all funny, I promised to look up symptoms of Bubonic Plague. We still have to write the big scene where all the SPECTRE agents are infected and drop dead within seconds, so we need some disgusting fast acting easily visible symptoms to "flesh" out that scene..
so mostly from wikipedia, here for starters is an actual Rat Flea carrying the Plague. I think we can work this graphic in somewhere
gross foul nasty little beast!
Turns out a lot of the symptoms are the same ones we are already confusing between omicron, the seasonal flu, the common cold and how I just normally feel this time of year, sweats, chills, coughs and fatigue and all that.
but these stand out as having unique visual potential:
Seizures
Buboes: infected, enlarged, and painful lymph nodes, commonly found in the armpits, upper femoral, groin, and neck region. (I think the neck will do, but the SPECTRE agents can start desperately scratching itches in the other unseen body parts as they quickly swell.)
Lenticulae (black dots scattered throughout the body)
Gangrene of the extremities such as toes, fingers, lips, and tip of the nose (extremities turn black)
Continuous vomiting of blood
I think all of these have visual potential. Now of course none of this is funny, and I feel ashamed for seeming to mock any actual plague sufferers. but in the name of fact-checked scientific accuracy, we should include all this in disgustingly vivid overly graphic detail during the big SPECTRE scene. Sweats, chills, coughs and fatigue as well of course. and with silly Shakespearian dialog.
Regarding the castle, just have a grand balcony off the hall where Safin and all the troops die. Be vague about the floorplan or have it on the side of a hill or mountain. Bond can find Dou Dou, echo Hamlet while casually stepping over piles of bodies, and simply walk onto the balcony to stare into the sky at incoming great balls of fire. Goodness gracious.
Comments
gymkata said:
Teo Torriatte
thanks gymkata, that actually brought a tear to my eye, I havent listened to that record in a long time. I always liked how shamelessly sentimental Queen could get, and even better that aspect would outrage the more conservative metalheads in my high school!
so, some actual Japanese language lyrics in that one, but someone'd have to figure out what they mean
and I see from my photo above, your 100% correct, the black fingernails are only on one hand. Blazes, that makes the stage directions more confusing, because whichever hand he gestures with should have black fingernails, for Dramatick Effecte. Can we just presume both hands have black fingernails for simplicity of stage directions?
@caractacus potts I'm doing some editing etc and I just came across your Brosnan joke. Damn, that was a mouthful of whisky all over the screen.
I wondered why I hadn't noticed it earlier then spotted that you'd added it as an edit. Well played, sir.
yes I think we're getting beyond fact checking, and maybe lesser relevant Queen clips and discussion should be in the What song are you Listening to Thread
though it does help to remind us how Safin should move across the stage of the Globe Theatre, which is important to our task
I was thinking about @Barbel 's reminder this final act takes place in a castle, and I realise I've been imagining Mercury-Safin as a villain out of a Disney princess movie. I could so totally see a Disney villain stooping and wagging a black fingernail threateningly at a tiny little girl.
which reminds me, another line from Let Me Entertain You is "I'll Cruella de Ville you!" which maybe we should also work in.
thanks boss. That whole scene came to me when I was out for a walk Sunday, and I waited til lunchbreak yesterday to get it down, so forgot some important bits the first time. I know you wanted someone to write the Matera carchase scene next, but I couldnt hold that one back any longer. Rewrite the hell of my other ideas if you want, but the "Bismallah No" sequence I just see so perfectly in my mind, like it already exists and it is merely my responsibility to transcribe it.
in rewriting some of my other bits, you dropped the line breaks. could you keep the line breaks in that one section at very least?
Working on it....
westward drift said:
Safin would call Bond "Sir James."
Firearms did exist in Shakespeare but were single shot, so take that into account when taking out the henchmen and Safin. It's not Shakespeare without a swordfight or three.
The idea of a missile silo as Safin's base is just too anachronistic, so maybe go back to the castle from the novel YOLT.
Also, when we finally get to the end maybe have the incoming "missiles" be flaming projectiles from a catapult or trebuchet.
just saw this, its getting difficult to keep track!
yes, Safin's headquarters should be a castle, not a missile base, and as such we can use the castle Fleming described and his Garden of Death. (which is another improvement upon EON)
Your description of the incoming missiles is much as I imagine it, can you flesh out the chemistry of such a weapon so that it may do maximum damage and create the blinding white flare? do you know your period-accurate British Naval vessels?
and yes I'd prefer a swordfight rather than gunplay wherever possible.
I'm thinking Gymkata transposed the film's script fairly literally, his priority being to insert as many Freddy Mercury quotes as possible. That was the challenge we discussed above, and he's done that most excellently! But I hope he wont mind if we rework the plot and staging a bit in those scenes to make it sillier and more period accurate! while keeping all Freddy Mercury quotes in place of course, and adding yet more...
I've spent the last two hours working on editing and tieing things together, I'm bushed. I'd appreciate it if anyone tries to write the missing bits (eg Bond and Blofeld, Bond and M, Bond meets Mathilde) rather than the ending which we are almost finished with.
we're not facing a deadline for Opening Night are we?
I think most of Matera, the actual Cuba scene where the SPECTRE agents all die, all of London and all of Norway are still left, thats quite a bit...
the next door neighbour's house at Number 24 Frozen Lake Lane can reappear in the Norway scene, the inhabitant once again sleeping through all the action (or even speaking a line if someone can think of one!)
😀 No, we have no deadline!
I'm going to give some of the Matera action scenes a go. I have some fun ideas for the gadgets in the DB5 carriage. However, as it's action, should I treat it as if we were seeing a film of an Elizabethan age Bond, or watching a Globe Theatre play. It's the difference between real horses and men in horse costumes/props. Are we seeing the DB5 go down the rough dirt roads or are characters just mentioning it?
Edited to add-- I just went back and saw the stage directions in some of the posts....Hmmm. So Shakespeare's Bond as produced by Andrew Lloyd Webber or Julie Taymor? I may be able to work with that. 😂
What do you call a combination groan, laugh, and spit take?
I'd say real horses and real roads. We wobble uncertainly between fantasy and reality.
I was thinking real horses. My only idea was: the 360 maneuvre would be so unnatural and awkward for those poor horses, they be whinnying and stumbling and moving sideways very slowly, and it wouldnt be much of a legitimate threat at all. The minions would be so confused by whatever Bond was attempting with this 360 horsedrawn maneuvre theyd fail to step backwards while they had the chance, and still get bowled over by the horses torso and trampled by the hooves. but I never got beyond imagining that one bit and I'm sure someone else could imagine something funnier and completely different.
as for stage directions: I've been inconsistent, but most times its just too funny imagining this all performed on a wooden stage with proto-SteamPunk special effects in front of a rowdy audience (what would Elizabethan SteamPunk be anyway? ClockWorkPunk?) but once or twice I imagined a camera move so slick I stuck it in there anyway even though our Globe Audience could not appreciate it.
anybody seen Terry Gilliam's Baron von Munchausen? thats sort of what I've been imagining, the occasional level-of-reality shifts once the play's begun, at least when theres worthy comedic potential in momentarily forgetting this all is meant to happen on a wooden stage. Or chance for a cool cinematic effect that would be a crime to leave out. Maybe we could end with the rowdy audience once again, who could voice in cruder period-appropriate terms some of the very controversies we've seen argued in our forum?
EDIT: in the real film, the Matera sequence is the absolute cinema magic visual highlight, and the one they chose for all the trailers. If theres one scene in our Playe that should spill beyond the level of reality of the stage and into three dimensional reality with descriptions of slick camera moves thisd be it. The Town itself was so three dimensional with all those hills and bridges and terraces, the very location must burst beyond the confines of the wooden stage.
Rather than do Munchausen (by proxy), I'm thinking more of Olivier's "Henry V", which starts in the Globe and gradually moves out into the "real world" (eg the battle scenes). But we can and should be very flexible- it's our version, we make the rules.
So, real horses but not realism!
we're assigning each other a lot of homework working on this Projeckte! Queen concert footage, Laurence Olivier movies and more! all this Research shall surely add up to a finer finished product for our Audience to appreciate!
This just occurred to me. Take it from the end of Gymkata's scene in post 2519:
Safin: 'It is of your own doing, Mr. Bond. The fault is yours. A dog with disease, you're the king of the sleaze!'
Bond, dejected, stands up slowly. He leans over and picks up the gun. After a moment, he puts 3 bullets in rapid succession into Safin and walks away.
A man cautiously puts his face round a curtain to the left.
Man: Er, excuse me?
Sir James: (Weary.) Yes?
Man: Is that Safin dead? I mean, really dead?
Sir James: I sincerely hope so!
Man: Wonderful! Now I am free!
Sir James: Free? What dost thou mean?
Man: Well- I'm Marc Martel. I'm the one who really did the singing, he only lip-synched.
Sir James: What? This cannot be!
Marc: Oh yes. He's been keeping me here behind this curtain, while everybody thinks it's him doing the singing.
(Sir James looks over his shoulder.)
Marc: What are you looking for?
Sir James: I just wondered if mayhap I was with a tin man, a scarecrow, and a cowardly lion.
Marc: Huh?
Sir James: Never mind. Surprised am I, but now thou art free.
Mar: For many years, I have wanted to break free. To break free from his lies, he's so-
Sir James: Yes, yes, we have all got the idea. Now, run!
Marc: Even better- I have my bicycle. I want to ride my -
Sir James: Enough! Go!
(Marc leaves from the left. Pierce Brosnan's head appears around the curtain on the right.)
Pierce: Er, did I hear that correctly? I wonder if-
Sir James: I must get out of here!
(He begins to climb a ladder.)
that was very good! I didnt even know Malek didnt do his own singing in Bohemian Rhapsody, our Mercury-Safin character is certainly is living in a delusional dreamworld! but @Barbel I must remind you, its not bullets, its sword-wounds. He's been stabbed [x] number of times, not shot!
earlier this morning when we discussing "is it on a stage" "is it like a film" "is it real" I got to thinking how many of the best jokes are characters aware they are characters in a play yet still living is some delusional netherworld where they slip in and out character or awareness that they are only acting a part. Does Safin really believe he is Freddy Mercury? is he conscious that he is only Rami Malek who has done a recent play where he played a character named Freddy Mercury? is he the Bond villain Safin at all at any level? is he Freddy Mercury believing he is the Black Queen, a character from one of his songs? in fact, he is all of these things at once, and that is what keeps making me laugh! poor old Bond is getting the stage stolen from him in his own play!
Tut tut, @caractacus potts ! That was a direct quote from Gymkata to act as lead in to show you where I was starting from. It will be sorted during rewriting, of course.
I'm doing edits and rewrites and that bit occurred while doing so, and I thought you guys would enjoy it.
Caractacus and Gymkata, see inbox.
barbel sez:
that bit occurred while doing so, and I thought you guys would enjoy it
sho did Boss! its a good surprise reveal right where we need one!
coming out the other end of your dialog is Bond's big death scene, he must have already spurted a lot of blood by the time this dialog with the Voice Double has ended, and I had imagined the staging right beside Safin's corpse in the Garden of Death so he need not climb a ladder
woah this gets complicated as we knit together the overlapping scenes!
...
OK lemme think. in the film he would climb a ladder so he's on the roof when the missiles land. (we have giant cannonballs full of phosphorus and magnesium, details to be completed by somebody who actually knows chemistry)
but we've already decided its not a Missile base like in the film, but Blofeld's castle from the book, so the Garden of Death where they have their final duel would already be on the exterior of the castle ... but maybe he should be on the roof of the castle as thats where the giant cannonballs would be aimed? but that robs us of the backdrop of piled up corpses ... and he still has to pick up DouDou so he can hold it in classic Hamlet pose and deliver the Doudou or not DouDou soliloquy, and Mathilde would not have dropped her doll on the roof ... blazes, all this imaginary staging is such tuff work, my head is spinning!
Indeed it is! The editing and rewriting is a massive job, and we're not even halfway finished! I'll have to do it in stages (pun not intended) and keep telling everyone where the gaps are.
I'm going to look for some You Only Live Twice quotes describing the castle and the Garden of Death, that may help us clarify where things are.
I think I've got down all the funny scenes I had in my head, so until I can think of something else, thats something useful I can contribute.
Napoleon's alternate last scene for License to Kill was good stuff, and he had shakespearian jokes in there. I'm sure we could use his special talents here!
Let's try- @Napoleon Plural , would you like to try writing some funny scenes for NTTD? Either just whatever comes to mind, or I can suggest ones we're needing. Don't worry about the Shakespeare stuff, I'll sort that out later.
Suggestions for everyone-
Death of Felix (hardly a sidesplitter, but we do what we can) Edit- now done
Bond and M (can also include Q, Moneypenny, and Tanner). This is where we explain the nano-fleas.
Bond meets Mathilde
I have an idea for the Blofeld scene, based on an Imaginary Conversation I wrote a couple of months ago.
Come to think of it- hello @Number24 ! You are missed!
Death of Felix shouldnt be funny, yet Anonymous Contributor found laffs in the death of Madeeline's mother so it can be done (speaking of which I just got to the bit about the Secret Room where Father keeps Ye Olde Gentlemens Entertainment, I'm sure the entire audience will guess Anonymous Contributor's secret identity from that line alone. Its good his classic Comedy Stylings come first!)
anyway, whenever its looked like Felix is about to die in previous adventures, he always survives with just an arm and a leg missing. He could know this, having read Live and Let die and watched License to Kill and not really be worried, "never mind James you go off to do the next scene and I'll call you at the end of the adventure and tell jokes as if nothing happened", then somehow he's surprised he's really dead this time. I dont know, thats the best vague idea I got, cant quite see precisely how to do it.
That's workable!
Felix: Don't worry, James, I'll be ok. I've still got both my arms and legs.
(A ship.)
Sir James: Look, Lord Felix, I bring thee ye Annoying Little Alchemist.
Lord Felix: I never had any doubt you would, Sir James.
Logan of Ashe: I thank’ee, Sir James. Now, Annoying Little Alchemist, hast thee brought thine satchel of interest?
Annoying Little Alchemist: Oh yes, I have-
Sir James: Hold, let me see what ist in yon satchel.
Logan of Ashe: Nay, ‘tis for me.
Lord Felix: Now, hold on just one-
(They struggle. Sir James manages to have a quick look in ye satchel- his eyebrows raise as he sees ye name "Mallory". Logan of Ashe stabs Lord Felix with his sword. Sir James goes to help Lord Felix, and Logan of Ashe kicks the pair down below and locks ye door before scuttling ye vessel.)
Logan of Ashe: Now, come ye with me.
(He forces ye Annoying Little Alchemist into a small boat, and the two of them depart. Down below, Sir James and Lord Felix struggle against the incoming water.)
Lord Felix: Gravely wounded am I, Sir James. Abandon me and save thineself.
Sir James: Never!
(He tries to save Lord Felix, but the pull of ye water ist too strong.)
Lord Felix: (Weakening.) Worry ye not, Sir James, for I must surely survive. After all, I still have both mine arms and legs.
Sir James: I am afraid, I am petrified. I do not think I can get by without you by my side.
Lord Felix: (Struggling for strength.) All will be fine. Never mind, Sir James, I will call ye at ye end of this adventure and we will tell jokes as if nothing ever happened. I shall flirt with a nurse and you will watch a gigantic stone fish wink at thee.
(And with that, Lord Felix dies in Sir James’ arms. Aghast, Sir James watches as his best friend goes beneath ye water. He comes to his senses and manages to open a door, eventually finding a small boat upon which he shall be found later by ye Royal Navy.)
yes thats good. Not wacky, but a good in-joke referencing our own recent debates about that other film.
_________________________
speaking of content that is not at all funny, I promised to look up symptoms of Bubonic Plague. We still have to write the big scene where all the SPECTRE agents are infected and drop dead within seconds, so we need some disgusting fast acting easily visible symptoms to "flesh" out that scene..
so mostly from wikipedia, here for starters is an actual Rat Flea carrying the Plague. I think we can work this graphic in somewhere
gross foul nasty little beast!
Turns out a lot of the symptoms are the same ones we are already confusing between omicron, the seasonal flu, the common cold and how I just normally feel this time of year, sweats, chills, coughs and fatigue and all that.
but these stand out as having unique visual potential:
I think all of these have visual potential. Now of course none of this is funny, and I feel ashamed for seeming to mock any actual plague sufferers. but in the name of fact-checked scientific accuracy, we should include all this in disgustingly vivid overly graphic detail during the big SPECTRE scene. Sweats, chills, coughs and fatigue as well of course. and with silly Shakespearian dialog.
Regarding the castle, just have a grand balcony off the hall where Safin and all the troops die. Be vague about the floorplan or have it on the side of a hill or mountain. Bond can find Dou Dou, echo Hamlet while casually stepping over piles of bodies, and simply walk onto the balcony to stare into the sky at incoming great balls of fire. Goodness gracious.