'20 Things You Never Knew About James Bond'
Shady Tree
London, UKPosts: 2,998MI6 Agent
'20 Things You Never Knew About James Bond' is an hilarious spoof tabloid feature in the current edition of the UK satirical/toilet humour comic, 'Viz' (#250)
As a taster, here's Fact #10:
"Believe it or not, iconic Bond henchman Jaws is based on a real life figure - Ian Fleming's old maths teacher at Sandhurst. Interviewed in 1961, Fleming said: 'Mr Bradshaw was a gigantic, muscle-bound simpleton with sharp steel blades for teeth, who would bite furiously through the nearest electricity pylon if we were late for lessons.'"
As a taster, here's Fact #10:
"Believe it or not, iconic Bond henchman Jaws is based on a real life figure - Ian Fleming's old maths teacher at Sandhurst. Interviewed in 1961, Fleming said: 'Mr Bradshaw was a gigantic, muscle-bound simpleton with sharp steel blades for teeth, who would bite furiously through the nearest electricity pylon if we were late for lessons.'"
Critics and material I don't need. I haven't changed my act in 53 years.
Comments
Is this online? Can you give us a link?
"I am not an entrant in the Shakespeare Stakes." - Ian Fleming
"Screw 'em." - Daniel Craig, The Best James Bond EverTM
Fact 004:
The tradition of watching a Bond film at Christmas dates back to 1485. Having seized the English throne by defeating Richard III at the Battle of Bosworth Field, the new Tudor king Henry VII issued his very first decree - that every household in the land must watch at least one Bond film on Christmas Day or face immediate death by hanging.
Fact 005:
This law was relaxed by King Charles II in 1661 to stipulate that the Bond film could also be viewed on Boxing Day, or you could watch 'The Italian Job' instead, if you preferred.
If I remember my 24 hour clock properly, that would have been 3:25pm?
"In the film franchise, Bond only sups sophisticated vodka Martini cocktails 'shaken, not stirred'. But originally, Fleming had his hero drinking lager top. The author was forced to scrap this as the spy's chosen tipple after learning that most Monte Carlo casinos don't serve pints of Carling with a dash of R White's in them."
Fact #15:
"During the rehearsals for TSWLM, Roger Moore fractured his eyebrow, forcing producers to drastically cut the number of scenes in which Bond is pleasantly surprised or sexually aroused."
Brilliant
"Fact #002:
He may have bedded hundreds of the world's most beautiful women, but believe it or not, James Bond has never had a h**d j*b! In his 1961 novel 'Thunderball', Fleming had the suave spook pulled off behind a skip in Monte Carlo by a sexy Russian agent in exchange for some microfilm, but the scene was dropped on his publisher's advice."
"Fact #0016:
Believe it or not, iconic Bond woman Xenia Onatopp was based on a real life figure - Ian Fleming's old school dinner lady at Eton. Interviewed in 1962, Fleming said: 'Mrs O'Grady was a lithe, sensual ex-Soviet assassin with large breasts, who would strangle us to death with her powerful thighs if we didn't eat our vegetables.'"