Imaginary Conversations

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  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,856Chief of Staff
    edited October 28


    1967. The Dawson household. Anthony is pacing back and forth, never getting too far away from the telephone, while his worried wife looks on in concern.

     

    Mrs Dawson: Oh sit down, Anthony, why don’t you?

    Anthony: Sit down? I can’t sit down!

    Mrs Dawson: Just try and relax.

    Anthony: Relax? How can I relax?

    Mrs Dawson: Just come here and I’ll make you a nice cup of tea and -

    Anthony: A nice cup of tea? How can I think of a nice cup of tea at a time like this?

    Mrs Dawson: What do you mean, a time like this? Nothing is happening!

    Anthony: That’s just it. Nothing is happening. That phone should be ringing!

    Mrs Dawson: But why?

    Anthony: Haven’t you noticed they’re making a new James Bond film right now?

    Mrs Dawson: Yes, of course. “Casino Royale”, I think it’s called.

    Anthony: Not that one – a real James Bond movie! “You Only Live Twice”.

    Mrs Dawson: Well, what makes you think you should be in it?

    Anthony: Because Blofeld is in it, and this time we get to see his face!

    Mrs Dawson: Ah, right. You played Blofeld in the previous movie, although the audience didn’t get to see your face.

    Anthony: That’s right, and in “From Russia With Love” as well.

    Mrs Dawson: So … this time the audience do get to see Blofeld’s face, and you think it should be your face that they see.

    Anthony: Of course! It has to be me!

    Mrs Dawson: But, my love, the audience has already seen your face.

    Anthony: Huh?

    Mrs Dawson: In “Dr No”, you played Professor Dent, remember?

    Anthony: Well, yes.

    Mrs Dawson: I don’t see them hiring an actor who has already played a prominent part in one of their James Bond films to return and this time play their most important villain, Blofeld.

    Anthony: Well, if you put it that way ….

    Mrs Dawson: Yes, darling. Now sit down and I’ll make you a nice cup of tea.

    Anthony: I suppose you’re right. They wouldn’t have an actor play a noticeable part in one film, then return as Blofeld a couple of films later.


  • Sir MilesSir Miles The Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,746Chief of Staff

    🤣👏🏻 marvellous

    YNWA 97
  • CoolHandBondCoolHandBond Mactan IslandPosts: 7,206MI6 Agent

    Excellent 😂👏

    Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,856Chief of Staff

    Thank you, guys. I'm still working with the team on this year's Christmas Special so taking a pause from regular posts here.

  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,856Chief of Staff


    2006. Tsai Chin comes home.

     

    Tsai: Hello, honey, I’m home.

    Partner: Darling!

    (Kiss, kiss.)

    Tsai: What are you standing there grinning like a Cheshire cat for?

    Partner: Me? I don’t know what you’re -

    Tsai: Yes, you do. I know that look! What are you up to?

    Partner: I’m not up to anything, but … Listen, you remember when you were in that James Bond film all those years ago?

    Tsai: “You Only Live Twice”, yes of course I remember.

    Partner: And then a couple of years later when they were making the next one you were very hopeful of being called back?

    Tsai: Of course – there were a lot of beautiful girls from all over the world gathered together on top of a Swiss Alp, I wanted to be one of them.

    Partner: I remember you walking back and forth, never getting too far away from the telephone in case Cubby Broccoli rang.

    Tsai: (Sighing.) But it wasn’t to be.

    Partner: And then a few years after that there was another James Bond movie set in the East and you were hoping to get a part in that.

    Tsai: “The Man With The Golden Gun”. I was wanting to be Chew Mee, and invite James Bond to swim with me without wearing anything.

    Partner: A shame, you’d have been very good in that part.

    Tsai: I even asked my old friend Christopher Lee, whose daughter I had played in forty-seven Fu Manchu movies, if he could get me the part but he said there was nothing he could do.

    Partner: Yes, I know.

    Tsai: Well, what’s this all about, anyway?

    Partner: While you were out, the phone went. It was Barbara Broccoli, Cubby’s daughter.

    Tsai: Yes????

    Partner: They’re making a new James Bond film, it’s called “Casino Royale”, and she wanted to know if you’d like to be in it.

    Tsai: Well??? What did you say???!!!

    Partner: I said I wasn’t sure if you would do it and -

    Tsai: What? Are you kidding me?

    Partner: Of course I’m kidding you! I said yes. She said you’ve to turn up at Pinewood Studios on Monday morning at 09.00.

    Tsai: Darling !!!!!!

    (Kiss, kiss.)

    Tsai: Just you come with me …

    Partner: Why, where are we going?

    Tsai: Darling, I give you very best f*ck.

  • CoolHandBondCoolHandBond Mactan IslandPosts: 7,206MI6 Agent

    😂🤣👏 Marvellous!

    Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
  • caractacus pottscaractacus potts Orbital communicator, level 10Posts: 4,108MI6 Agent

    nice to see one of these pacing up and down beside the phone sketches finally have a happy ending

    so whats the ratio of frustrated phone pacers versus satisfied phone pacers in these sketches? about 128 to 1?

  • Sir MilesSir Miles The Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,746Chief of Staff

    🤭🤣 excellent as always 😁

    YNWA 97
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,331MI6 Agent

    You give very best pacing, Barbel.

  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,856Chief of Staff

    Thank you very much, guys.

  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,856Chief of Staff


     

    2006. Eon costume department. Barbara Broccoli is discussing an item of James Bond’s wear with costume designer Lindy Hemming.


    BB: … and next we have to select what Daniel, I mean James, will be wearing when he comes out of the water.

    Lindy: Yes, that’s right. If you look here, I was thinking something along the lines of …

    BB: Oh no! I mean, no, that won’t do at all. It’s, er, the wrong colour. Yes, wrong colour, definitely.

    Lindy: Fair enough. How about this, then, in blue?

    BB: Aargh! Er, I mean, haven’t you got something … er … more stylish?

    Lindy: Well, there’s this.

    BB: Getting closer.

    Lindy: How about this? I call this the “Borat”.

    BB: Now, that I could get used to. But there’s still something wrong. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I’ll know when I see it.

    Lindy: This?

    BB: Oh I like that! But maybe, I don’t know, a little bit … er…

    Lindy: (By now realising what’s on Barbara’s mind.) How about this?

    BB: Mmmm! Yes! That’s perfect! Just do that one, would you, and …

    (She is interrupted by a voice coming into the room.)

    MGW: Now, Barbara, we talked about this, remember?

    BB: But Michael –

    MGW: Lindy, use the ones I showed you earlier.

    Lindy: Yes, Mr Wilson.

    BB: But –

    MGW: And Barbara, you were here to pick the dress Vesper wears in the casino.

    Lindy: How about this?

    BB: Yeah, ok. ( Sighs.) Whatever.

  • Sir MilesSir Miles The Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,746Chief of Staff

    I have one of the above pictured…I’ll leave it to you to guess which ☺️

    Excellent stuff 👏🏻🤣

    YNWA 97
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,856Chief of Staff

    But, Sir Miles, there isn't a tutu pictured above.

  • Sir MilesSir Miles The Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,746Chief of Staff
    YNWA 97
  • CoolHandBondCoolHandBond Mactan IslandPosts: 7,206MI6 Agent

    😵‍💫😳

    😂🤣

    Very good, Barbel 👏

    Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 37,856Chief of Staff

    Vic Flick, guitarist on the James Bond theme, dies aged 87 | Music | The Guardian

    Up in Double O Heaven. Vic Flick arrives, guitar case in hand.


    John Barry: Vic! There you are!

    Derek Watkins: Hi there, mate. Been a long time.

    Vic: Hello guys.

    John: Come over here, with us.

    Vic: I’m new to this, you know. What happens now?

    Derek: Just come with us, you’ll see.

    (They lead him through a celestial door into what seems to be a reproduction of CTS Studios, down in London. The rest of the band shout greetings at Vic.)

    Vic: Hello guys, nice to see you all again.

    John: Just get your guitar out, Vic, and sit in your usual seat …. That’s it. Chops, got your trumpet?

    Derek: Of course.

    John: Then you take your seat as well.

    Vic: But John, there’s no music. What are we going to play?

    John: You know what we’re going to play, Vic. The only tune it could be.

    (John raises his baton.)

    John: Ready? A-one, a-two …

    (1) James Bond Theme 1962 (Dr. No) - YouTube

    Vic: That was great! Can we do it again?

    John: Of course. We’ll be doing it forever now.

    Vic: But shouldn’t we invite Monty?

    (The entire band turn and stare at him.)

    John: I think he knows where he can go ….

  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 22,331MI6 Agent

    The heavenly James Bond band. 😇

  • CoolHandBondCoolHandBond Mactan IslandPosts: 7,206MI6 Agent

    So sad to read that news 😢

    Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
  • Sir MilesSir Miles The Wrong Side Of The WardrobePosts: 27,746Chief of Staff

    A fitting tribute 😁🍸

    YNWA 97
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