Imaginary Phone Calls

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  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,053Chief of Staff
    :)) :))

    1989
    Broccoli: Hi, John, how goes it?... What, another ten trucks? I just sent you forty-seven of them!....What, all of them?

    1972
    George Martin: Oh, hi Harry, how are you?.... Ah, you listened to the record then, how did you like it?.... Oh good, I’m glad, Paul and Linda will be pleased... yes, Aretha Franklin is a great singer but... But, Harry, you’ve got Paul singing it.... No, it isn’t a demo- he doesn’t make demos, this is the record....

    1995
    Bean: Ah, hello Mr Wilson, is the script ready? I’m keen to know on which page I die.... Oh yes, it’s in my contract, it always is... Ah, I see, page 123... and page 6, good. Couldn’t you work in another death about page 80 or so?

    1983
    Broccoli: Hello, Michael, have we got the box-office returns for "Octopussy" in yet?.... We have? Oh, great, how are we doing?.... Excellent, thank you! And what about dear Kevin and Sean and "Never Say Whatsit Called"?... Ah, even better!... Yes, very happy.

    1964
    Executive: Hello, Jaguar Cars Ltd... Oh, yes, you make the James Bond films, don't you? What can I do for you?.... Yes, the new model is just about ready.... What, you want four of them for nothing? I don't think... Yes, I appreciate it would be good publicity but still... You want us to do what? Cut a hole in the roof? What on earth for, an ejector seat?... Oh, I see.... No, I don't think we can accommodate you. Tell you what, why don't you try Aston Martin? I've got their number right here...
  • ACACIA_AVENUEACACIA_AVENUE UKPosts: 1,774MI6 Agent
    -{ :)) :)) :))
    Hey Barbel keep it up -{ , every time I read your phone calls I keep imagining them in the voice of Bob Newhart :s
    One of us smells like a tart's handkerchief.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,053Chief of Staff
    The great Bob Newhart, king of the one-sided phone calls! It hadn't occurred to me, but that's where this idea came from. {[]
  • chrisisallchrisisall Western Mass, USAPosts: 9,061MI6 Agent
    2008
    Rachel: How's filming going?
    Dan: All we're doing is writing & rewriting. We film for twelve hours and then write stuff for ten hours; I'm getting no f**king sleep.
    Rachel: Do you have your ending yet?
    Dan: You kidding? Honey, we're making this up as we go.
    Rachel: Are you eating enough?
    Dan: I'm drinking enough...
    Dalton & Connery rule. Brozz was cool.
    #1.TLD/LTK 2.TND 3.GF 4.GE 5.DN 6.FYEO 7.FRWL 8.TMWTGG 9.TWINE 10.YOLT/QOS
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,053Chief of Staff
    :)) :)) Do you think your pals at mi6 would like this?
  • Matt SMatt S Oh Cult Voodoo ShopPosts: 6,596MI6 Agent
    chrisisall wrote:
    2008
    Rachel: How's filming going?
    Dan: All we're doing is writing & rewriting. We film for twelve hours and then write stuff for ten hours; I'm getting no f**king sleep.
    Rachel: Do you have your ending yet?
    Dan: You kidding? Honey, we're making this up as we go.
    Rachel: Are you eating enough?
    Dan: I'm drinking enough...

    Satsuki: Dan, where have you been spending your nights? Why aren't you paying attention to me anymore? I think we should break up in two years.
    Visit my blog, Bond Suits
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,053Chief of Staff
    PMSL :)) :)) :))
  • chrisisallchrisisall Western Mass, USAPosts: 9,061MI6 Agent
    Barbel wrote:
    :)) :)) Do you think your pals at mi6 would like this?
    Not sure, things seem to be a tad humourless over there at the moment.
    Dalton & Connery rule. Brozz was cool.
    #1.TLD/LTK 2.TND 3.GF 4.GE 5.DN 6.FYEO 7.FRWL 8.TMWTGG 9.TWINE 10.YOLT/QOS
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,053Chief of Staff
    I noticed, I slipped in one joke at them in the last Shakespeare script and they didn't notice. :D
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,053Chief of Staff
    1974
    Hamilton: Hello, Cubby, it's ok, he said yes... No, he said he wouldn't bring the teeth... No, he won't wear the cape either.... No, I didn't ask about a coffin, but I'm sure he wouldn't...

    1987
    Secretary: Vienna Balloons Ltd... Why, yes, Mr Glen, of course I've heard of James Bond... We would be happy to take your order.... One balloon. Certainly. To be delivered at 10am on Tuesday morning.... Not at all... Thank you for your call.

    1971
    Saltzman: Hi Cubby, it's Harry... yes, I'm fine... Yes, I'm sitting down... Oh, Sean is coming back? Just one question, then: how much?.... HOW MUCH???? Have you taken leave of your... plus what?... plus WHAT???... Oh, that's just insa...
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,053Chief of Staff
    1963
    Llewelyn: Hello, darling, I've just been asked to play a part in the next James Bond picture.... No, it's only a day's work, I just have to give him a briefcase... Well, you never know, they might want me to do more....

    1977
    Secretary: Eon Catering Department, can I help you?... Yes, you want to order breakfast for one of the cast? Of course, what would you like?... Six eggs, four sausages, eight rashers of bacon, ten slices of toast... What, is he a giant? Hahaha... Oh, he is. I see...

    1974
    Secretary: Eon Catering Department, can I help you?... Yes, you want to order breakfast for one of the cast? Of course, what would you like?... One egg, half a sausage, one rasher of bacon, half a slice of toast... What, is he a midget? Hahaha... Oh, he is, I see.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Western Mass, USAPosts: 9,061MI6 Agent
    :)) :)) :)) :))
    Dalton & Connery rule. Brozz was cool.
    #1.TLD/LTK 2.TND 3.GF 4.GE 5.DN 6.FYEO 7.FRWL 8.TMWTGG 9.TWINE 10.YOLT/QOS
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,053Chief of Staff
    1979
    Bassey: Hello?... Hi John, lovely to hear from you... What, again? ... Of course, I'd love to!

    1987
    Producer: Hello, Pierce, it’s Robert... Yes, fine, and the family are all fine too... Look, we've been thinking that it might be time to do a new series of Remington Steele... Now, hold on one minute.... really, there’s no need to use that kind of...

    1981
    Keating: Hi, Peter, it's Henry... Yes, I've got you an author... No, we've tried Len and J le C and they won't cough.... Yes, it's him...
  • HigginsHiggins GermanyPosts: 16,618MI6 Agent
    Barbel wrote:
    1987
    Secretary: Vienna Balloons Ltd... Why, yes, Mr Glen, of course I've heard of James Bond... We would be happy to take your order.... One balloon. Certainly. To be delivered at 10am on Tuesday morning.... Not at all... Thank you for your call.

    1987
    "Vienna Community Hospital, ER, how can we help you?"
    "Yes, we've heard that you are shooting in town"
    "Yes, we have seen your main actor on TV"
    "Of course we will take him in because of that balloon accident, what exactly happened?"
    "Well first of all you have to calm him down and stop the tears - otherwise he will dehydrate severely"
    "Err - no. Sorry but a split fingernail does not really count as an emergency"
    President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

    Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
  • AlphaOmegaSinAlphaOmegaSin EnglandPosts: 10,924MI6 Agent
    :)) :))
    1.On Her Majesties Secret Service 2.The Living Daylights 3.license To Kill 4.The Spy Who Loved Me 5.Goldfinger
  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,358MI6 Agent
    :)) :)) :))
    Guys, keep them up, these are just brilliant !!!!
    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,358MI6 Agent
    1971
    Hamilton: "Hey Derek, How's the second unit work going? ... You what? You mean the car goes in one side, then emerges on the other two wheels? ... Ok, you'll take care of it then, you just need Sean and Jill for a couple of hours?... Ok as long as you promise no-one will ever notice..."
    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,053Chief of Staff
    :)) Can't think of any more right now.
  • always shakenalways shaken LondonPosts: 6,287MI6 Agent
    EON PRODUCTIONS
    Ah good morning ,is that the Madrid city film dept
    MADRID CITY FILM DEPT
    Ce senior
    EP
    WE want to film a new Bond film in Madrid ,it will bring in lots of money and employment ,we want to start on the 25th June
    MCFD
    not possible senior ,that day is a bank holiday
    EP
    well hoe about the 30th then ?
    MCFD
    sorry senior ,but that too is a bank holiday,
    EP
    don't worry we will go to Mexico instead ,
    By the way, did I tell you, I was "Mad"?
  • MilleniumForceMilleniumForce LondonPosts: 1,214MI6 Agent
    John Glen: Martin.....yes, we need you for one more scene......
    Martin Grace: What stunt am I doing today? Skydiving? Fight scene?
    John Glen: We need you to walk up some stairs.
    1.LTK 2.AVTAK 3.OP 4.FYEO 5.TND 6.LALD 7.GE 8.GF 9.TSWLM 10.SPECTRE 11.SF 12.MR 13.YOLT 14.TLD 15.CR (06) 16.TMWTGG 17.TB 18.FRWL 19.TWINE 20.OHMSS 21.DAF 22.DAD 23.QoS 24.NSNA 25.DN 26.CR (67)
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    :)) :)) :)) Cruel, but funny. ;)
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    The two gentleman.

    Pierce Brosnan: Hello.
    Roger Moore: Hello, good sir. How are you?
    Pierce Brosnan: I am swell. Thank you for asking.
    Roger Moore: Oh, thank you!
    Pierce Brosnan: Thank you too!
    Roger Moore: No, thank you!
    Pierce Brosnan: No... thank YOU.
    Roger Moore: Oh... thank you!
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,053Chief of Staff
    :))

    1995
    Dalton: Hello?
    Brosnan: Hi Tim, it's Pierce. I just called to say... thank you.
    Dalton: Oh no, thank you Pierce!

    1969
    Connery: Hello?
    Lazenby: Hello, Mr Connery, this is George Lazenby.
    Connery: Sorry, who?
    Lazenby: George Lazenby- I just took over your job.
    Connery: :)) :)) :)) :))

    2006
    Craig: Hello, Pierce, it's Daniel Craig... Now just wait a moment... Really, there's no need for that kind of..
  • chrisisallchrisisall Western Mass, USAPosts: 9,061MI6 Agent
    1989

    Hi, Tim? Yeah, hello. I just wanted to say that I know we had our differences, but damn if we didn't turn out a bloody great Bond movie despite it all, eh?
    Tim? Tim?
    Hello?
    Dalton & Connery rule. Brozz was cool.
    #1.TLD/LTK 2.TND 3.GF 4.GE 5.DN 6.FYEO 7.FRWL 8.TMWTGG 9.TWINE 10.YOLT/QOS
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,053Chief of Staff
    2017
    BB: Hello?...Ah, hello Mr Turner.... No, I promise I'll call you if the vacancy comes up... Yes, I said "if"... No, don't worry, I've still got your number.

    BB: Hello? ...Ah, hello Mr Hiddleston.... No, I promise I'll call you if the vacancy comes up... Yes, I said "if"... No, don't worry, I've still got your number.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,053Chief of Staff
    2018
    BB: Hello?... Ah, hello Mr Elba.... No, I don't think we'll be.... Yes, I'm sure you would.... Thank you!
  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,358MI6 Agent
    :)) :)) :)) I'd forgotten how funny this thread is.

    2019
    BB: Ah hello, Universal Distributors?... sorry for the delay.... yes, April.. definitely, 100% April 2020....
    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,053Chief of Staff
    1965
    Barry: Hi, Don, it's John, how are you?....Fine here too. Listen, I'm doing the score for the new Bond film and wondered if you'd like to write the lyrics for the title song?...You would? Great... It's called "Thunderball"... No, buggered if I know, mate... What? About the villain? Well, I suppose you could but we've just done that with "Goldfinger"... About Bond himself? Well, maybe... Tell you what, why don't you leave it a bit ambiguous then the fans can argue about it for years afterwards? Decades, maybe.
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