No discussion: The political jokes thread

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  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,059Chief of Staff
    :)


    AA_OLD_MAN_5.jpg
  • HigginsHiggins GermanyPosts: 16,618MI6 Agent
    edited March 2017
    deleted
    President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

    Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 21,704MI6 Agent
    When Trump says something, it's usually stuff other presidents
    could only say at the correspondents' dinner :))
  • HigginsHiggins GermanyPosts: 16,618MI6 Agent
    since 2 days, Brexit is official.

    Scotland does not want to be part of the progress, like back in the day when pants have been invented
    President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

    Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,059Chief of Staff
    Oh, I'd love to take you up on that Higgins, since you're hardly in a position to criticise anyone elses dress; but that would be discussion and this is strictly a joke thread which of course we would want to stay open.
  • HigginsHiggins GermanyPosts: 16,618MI6 Agent
    haha, trapped by your own standards! :D :D
    President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

    Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,059Chief of Staff
    Terrible, I won't be able to sleep now.

    Got any political jokes? :)
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,449MI6 Agent
    Higgins wrote:
    since 2 days, Brexit is official.

    Scotland does not want to be part of the progress, like back in the day when pants have been invented

    Nicola sturgeon doesn't want to be part of the process, she needs to do her sums, or maybe she has in the same manner she writes important political letters....... Which is why they dont add up?

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    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,059Chief of Staff
    aa_old_man_4.jpg

    Jokes, fellas, jokes- not comment, not discussion.
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,449MI6 Agent
    Sorry Barbel, I know you're Scottish and she's your leader but I find her an hilarious political joke :D
    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,059Chief of Staff
    :)) Not what I mean, CC!
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    edited January 2021
    .
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,449MI6 Agent
    Sadly most of the political jokes have been elected :#
    Except for in Northern Ireland :))
    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    edited January 2021
    .
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • Silhouette ManSilhouette Man The last refuge of a scoundrelPosts: 8,646MI6 Agent
    Chriscoop wrote:
    Sadly most of the political jokes have been elected :#
    Except for in Northern Ireland :))

    They're not called 'The Jokes on the Hill' for nothing you know! :))

    stormont_estate.jpg
    "The tough man of the world. The Secret Agent. The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,449MI6 Agent
    Fantastic looking building for a circus :007)
    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,358MI6 Agent
    If anyone's on Instagram, there's a US poster called RemovedTweets who has started posting some amusing fake political tweets including the following (before enlarging, be warned, the top one is a little close to the knuckle):

    IMG_1048.png

    IMG_1049.png
    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 21,704MI6 Agent
    This aren't strictly political jokes, but I'll chance it.

    What do you call people from other nations and what do they call you? (obviously racist words have no place here!)

    The Danes call us Norwegians "fjeldabe" The word means "mountain monkey" :))

    We call the Swedes "Søta bror". This is actually Swedish and means "sweet brother". This is more of an affectionate term.

    In return the Swedes call us "Norrbagge". "Norr" means North and bagge means (I quote): "the genitals of male sheep"
  • sniperUKsniperUK UlsterPosts: 594MI6 Agent
    Chriscoop wrote:
    Fantastic looking building for a circus :007)

    Enough clowns in there already :#
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,449MI6 Agent
    edited April 2017
    Number24 wrote:
    This aren't strictly political jokes, but I'll chance it.

    What do you call people from other nations and what do they call you? (obviously racist words have no place here!)

    The Danes call us Norwegians "fjeldabe" The word means "mountain monkey" :))

    We call the Swedes "Søta bror". This is actually Swedish and means "sweet brother". This is more of an affectionate term.

    In return the Swedes call us "Norrbagge". "Norr" means North and bagge means (I quote): "the genitals of male sheep"

    As a male sheep here is called a ram that means your a " northern ram c*ck " :))..... Nice!
    ( change the * for an o)


    The French call us English Ros boeufs. The rest of the world call us hooligans, lager louts, yobs etc
    This is because the white linen suit and Panama hat and good manners has been replaced by football shirts, tattoos and drunkenness as our image abroad.
    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 21,704MI6 Agent
    Lovely :D

    Please contribute with more colourful names for other nations - and don't foreget England, Ireland, N. Ireland, Scotland and Wales!
    There are also members from Germany, Finland, The Netherlands, USA, Filliphines etc. here. Can you enlighten us?
    It seems AJB is dominated by people from northern Europe and America, traditionally protestant nations. That's a small part of the world, and I hope we'll get even more international.
    BTW: In Norway we measure the distance to the neighbour how many throws of a stone their house is from yours. "He lives just two stone's throws from me." :))
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,449MI6 Agent
    Number24 wrote:
    Lovely :D

    Please contribute with more colourful names for other nations - and don't foreget England, Ireland, N. Ireland, Scotland and Wales!
    There are also members from Germany, Finland, The Netherlands, USA, Filliphines etc. here. Can you enlighten us?
    It seems AJB is dominated by people from northern Europe and America, traditionally protestant nations. That's a small part of the world, and I hope we'll get even more international.
    BTW: In Norway we measure the distance to the neighbour how many throws of a stone their house is from yours. "He lives just two stone's throws from me." :))

    We do that here too, " it's just a stones throw away "
    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 21,704MI6 Agent
    Speaks volumes about neighbourhood relations, doesn't it? :))
    I wonder why there are so few members here from outside Northern Europe and America? For some (the French :v ) it might be a lack of English skills, but there must be lots of Indians and citizens of Hong Kong who speak it very well.
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 21,704MI6 Agent
    Vladimir Putin arrives at an airport, gets in line at customs desk.
    Customs officer: Occupation?
    Putin: No, just visiting. :D
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 21,704MI6 Agent
    Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids. He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.
    At the end of the talk, there is a section for questions, Little Alina puts her hand up and says "I have two questions" "Why did the Russians take Crimea? And Why are we sending troops to Ukraine?" Putin says "Good questions" But just as he is about to answer, the bell goes, and the kids go to Lunch.
    When they come back, they sit back down and there is room for some more questions, another girl, Tatiana, puts her hand up and says "I have Four questions"
    "My Questions are - Why did the Russians invade Crimea? Why are we sending troops to Ukraine? Why did the bell go 20 minutes early? And Where is Alina?"
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 21,704MI6 Agent
    Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help running the country. Stalin says,
    "Round up and shoot all the democrats, and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue."
    "Why blue?" Putin asks.
    "Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first part."
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    edited January 2021
    .
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,449MI6 Agent
    My fence has a better tan than Trump.
    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    edited January 2021
    .
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 21,704MI6 Agent
    The UN did a global poll. The question was: "In your honest opinion, what would be the best solution to the shortage of food in the rest of the world?"

    The poll was a fiasco.
    -The Africans didn't know what "food" was.
    -The Norwegians didn't know what "shortage of" means.
    -In Russia they didn't know what "opinion" is.
    -In the Middle East they didn't know what a "solution" is.
    -In Asia they didn't know what "honest"is
    -In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" is
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