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ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

Instead of this line:

Sir James : Must be some sort of folk dancing, You know how I enjoy
Something indicative of the people and their culture, But an Italian themed tavern in Italy ?

perhaps we can have a line where Sir James thinks the tavern is Polish themed because of the poledancing?

The line: "I was at a tavern once that said it had Lap dancing, but I couldn't see a single Laplander in there!" could be worked into the play too, perhaps?

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I'm happy with any changes  ajb007/cheers

"Let his death be a particularly unpleasant and humiliating one."

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Sir James : Must be some sort of folk dancing from Poland. You know how I enjoy something indicative of the people and their culture, but these signs can be misleading. I was at a tavern once that said it featured Lap dancing, but I couldn't see a single Laplander in the whole establishment!
But an Italian themed tavern in Italy?


Does this look OK?

Last edited by Number24 (12th May 2019 18:17)

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I'm having a busy day, no time for more than a quick look. Will have fun with the above later!

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Sir James : Must be some sort of folk dancing from Poland, You know how I enjoy
Something indicative of the people and their culture, but these signs can be misleading. I was at a tavern once that said it featured Lap dancing,judging by what I witnessed. Laplanders are very
gymnastic and oddly wear very little clothing for such a cold climate !

( Only a variation on the line ) ?

"Let his death be a particularly unpleasant and humiliating one."

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That's better  ajb007/biggrin

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A bit of editing etc:

(Our three heroes enter a local tavern.......)

Lord Felix: This be the Confused Gondolier, One of the most popular taverns in the city. Has something called Pole Dancing, and is an Italian themed tavern.
Sir James: Must be some sort of folk dancing from Poland, you know how I enjoy something indicative of the people and their culture, but these signs can be misleading. I was at a tavern once that said it featured lap dancing- judging by what I witnessed, Laplanders are very gymnastic and oddly wear very little clothing for such a cold climate! But an Italian themed tavern in Italy?
Lady Lashana: ‘Tis the latest thing, soon all taverns in Italy will be Italian themed..... or Irish obviously.
Sir James: As long as they have Antipodean tavern stewards, and mead, I be'eth happy. I shall approach yon bar steward.
Lady Lashana: Language Sir James!
Tavern Keeper: Ow ya goin’ mate, fancy a bevvie?
Sir James: Two meads that are shaken and not stirred, and a diet Mango cocktail… or was it coconut? Be you the usual bar keeper?
Tavern Keeper: The other fella is on a break, should be back though, he's a real diamond.
Sir James: I'm looking for a man......
Tavern Keeper: I don't think you're his type. (Aside.) Try Tuesday and Thursday nights.
Sir James: I'm looking for information on......
Tavern Keeper: Surely you must know how? You just push your....
Sir James: Nay, you misunderstand, I hath monies to....
Tavern Keeper: Hey, a good looking man like yourself shouldn't have to pay. Have a bit more self confidence, and a bit more self respect.
Sir James: I'm looking for Sir Malik...
Tavern Keeper: Bloody hell cobber, you’re shooting a bit out of your league there. He's gorgeous!
Sir James: Have you had him in lately...
Tavern Keeper: How dare you just because I serve drinks you think I'll sleep with anyone!
Sir James: Pardon, where might I meet him?
Tavern Keeper: Oh, try the Hammer- it be'eth a tavern and dancing club two streets across. Poached many of our customers. I had hoped instead of getting successful it would fall... But I've given up on waiting for the hammer to fall.
Sir James: (Pushes a bag of coins across.) Thank you, at last a lead!
Tavern Keeper: A lead? Well if you enjoy leads, chains and collars , there is a cellar....
Sir James: How very dare you sir! .… (Aside.) Pray tell, which night doth it open?
Lord Felix: I see you've got the libations, Sir James.
Sir James: Nay, this just the bulge of my coin purse, Now we must make haste Lord Felix, we could be having an audience with Sir Malik.
Lady Lashana: Then let us quickly neck these, and get moving.
(They drink quickly and depart the tavern.)
Tavern Keeper: This never happened to the other fella….

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PS. Loved the Lazenby cameo!  ajb007/bond

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As many speculate that OHMSS may be referenced in Bond 25 ?  ajb007/wink


An idea for the Photo of DC with a spear gun gutting a fish .....

( Sir James by is boat dock holds a strange weapon ..... )
Sir James : My the young Wizard has outdone himself, who would think
a carved leg from the old desk of Sir Miles and the stout elastic of a pair
of Maid Moneypenny's under garments, could make such a weapon, now ....
..... " Lets go fishing "
( Sir James wanders to the water and waits for a passing fish .... enter Lord Felix... )
Lord Felix : What are you doing Sir James, and watch out for falling mangos from
that coconut tree !
Sir James : Trying to catch a grouper !
Lord Felix : The Knave,  hurts the island's tourist trade ....
Sir James : T'is a fish Lord Felix and here one comes .!
( sir james doth shoot the weapon and a spear flies out impaling the fish, which he
carries ashore )
Lord Felix : Wonderful, can you catch chips with that too ?
( Sir James begins preparing the fish as a cat passed by )
Sir James : here have these, and these......
( The feline eagerly eats the offerings )
Lord Felix, None of the Best bits I trust
Sir James : He had Lots of guts.

Last edited by Thunderpussy (13th May 2019 13:14)

"Let his death be a particularly unpleasant and humiliating one."

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ajb007/lol   ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  Like that!

Next in Pisa, Sir James & co head for the Hammer where they find Sir Malik. On his arm is the lovely Paloma. Some witty lines are exchanged over a game of something. Lady Lashana tries to seduce Malik Mercury but he prefers Sir James much to the amusement of Felix, then we have a chase scene. Possibly this is where Madeleine re-enters?

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When Madeleine meets people they should be puzzled that she's still alive and/or expecting her to die any moment, as a comment on fans and the media's expectations.

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Yes, good idea. I'll have a bash at writing this later, unless TP (or someone else!) gets there first.

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First thoughts- feel free to add, alter, etc!

Sir James, Lady Lashana and Lord Felix arrive at the Hammer, a tavern in ye shadow of the famous Tower of Pisa.

Lady Lashana: Now, is everyone clear about our plan?
Sir James: But of course.  Lord Felix and I shalt have a few drinks at ye bar, whilst thou do find out where Sir Malik Mercury is to be found. I shalt then challenge him to whichever game he is playing, defeat him effortlessly, and depart with the beautiful maiden who had been sitting with him.
Lord Felix: Art thou sure that will work, Sir James?
Sir James: Well, it has worked twenty-four times previously….
Lady Lashana: I think mine plan ist better. I shalt encourage him to come away with me to a place of solitude, where both of thee shalt be waiting.
Sir James: Well, we shalt see how it goes.
(They enter ye establishment.)
Lady Lashana: I do believe that is he over there, at a gaming table playing chemin de fer.
Lord Felix: Not poker, then?
Sir James: Not this time.
(Sir James sits at ye gaming table and calls for chips. After some misunderstanding involving deep-fried potatoes, he is able to play.)
Sir James: Banco.
(Across the table sits Sir Malik Mercury, accompanied by a stunningly beautiful young maiden.)
Sir Malik: Ah, a new player. May I be permitted to know thine name?
Sir James: I am he who is called Bond, James Bond.
Sir Malik: Doubtless thou knowest mine identity. And this ist Paloma.
Paloma: Most pleased to meet thee, good sir.
Sir James: And I thee. Come, let us play!
(Lady Lashana sits next to Sir Malik.)
Lady Lashana: Tell me, how ist it that thou do seem to win so frequently?
Sir Malik: It's a kind of magic.
Sir James: Well, now I'm here.
(Ye cards are dealt, and Sir James wins.)
Sir Malik: So! Shall we play again?
Sir James: Aye, the show must go on.

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Once the scene above is finished, we have to have a chase scene in which Sir James falls and injures his ankle.

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Perhaps he trips in the many rewrites of theatre plays laying around?

After he injures his knee the hunky stunt man ….. knight will turn up again.

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Yes, he trips over a pile of rewrites labelled "Purvis/Wade", "Hodge", etc, left by a vengeful Duke Danny of Boyle.

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" Oh, Danny Boyle the rewrites, those rewrites are appalling " #

( sung to Danny boy )

"Let his death be a particularly unpleasant and humiliating one."

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A little more- I'm struggling with this scene.

Lady Lashana: Thou seems to be out of luck this evening, Sir Malik.
Sir Malik: Aye, ‘tis so.
Lady Lashana: Mayhap I could change that for thee?
Sir Malik: I thank’ee, sweet lady, but I prefer to play the game.
Sir James: Then shall we  double the stakes?
Sir Malik: I have no objection.
(They play, and Sir James wins again.)

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Felix needs a few lines; Sir Malik makes it clear he prefers Sir James to Lady Lashana; when James respectfully declines (Felix makes some jokes) Paloma decides to leave with him; Sir Malik sends his men Roger, Brian and John after them. Then we get the chase scene in which James trips as above.

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And a few more lines:

Lady Lashana: Thou seems to be out of luck this evening, Sir Malik.
Sir Malik: Aye, ‘tis so.
Lady Lashana: Mayhap I could change that for thee?
Sir Malik: I thank’ee, sweet lady, but I prefer to play the game.
Sir James: Then shall we...  double the stakes?
Sir Malik: I have no objection.
Lord Felix: Take care, Sir James.
Sir James: Oh, ‘tis super easy- barely an inconvenience.
(They play, and Sir James wins again.)
Sir Malik: Thou surely hast a talent for this game, Sir James.
Sir James: ‘Tis merely one of many.
Sir Malik: Mayhap we shalt find out if that ist true, later. Come, let us drink together.
(Sir Malik heads for the bar, with Paloma on his arm. Sir James heads there too.)
Lady Lashana: (Aside to Lord Felix.) Should I go too?
Lord Felix: Nay, methinks Sir James ist more his cup of tea.
Paloma: Of thee I have heard, Sir James, thou hast fine testimonials.
Sir James: ‘Tis these tights again, I must find a thicker denier.
Sir Malik; What would thou drink, mine friend? I willst have ye finest champagne in ye house!
Paloma: And for me, too.
Sir James: I willst have mead- let it shaken be, and not stirred.
(A steward approaches.)
Steward: Thine pardon, Sir Malik, but a message hast come for thee.
Sir Malik: Excuse me a moment, Sir James, I am sure that Paloma will keep thee entertained. (Exits.)
Sir James: Hast thou know Sir Malik long?
Paloma: Nay, not long. I met him one night at the opera.

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Sadly I'm still thinking about it  ajb007/crap but not a lot coming forward.

"Let his death be a particularly unpleasant and humiliating one."

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Yeah, this scene is a slog. Still, it won't be long till the chase scene.  ajb007/smile

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Sir James, Lady Lashana and Lord Felix arrive at the Hammer, a tavern in ye shadow of the famous Tower of Pisa.

Lady Lashana: Now, is everyone clear about our plan?
Sir James: But of course.  Lord Felix and I shalt have a few drinks at ye bar, whilst thou do find out where Sir Malik Mercury is to be found. I shalt then challenge him to whichever game he is playing, defeat him effortlessly, and depart with the beautiful maiden who had been sitting with him.
Lord Felix: Art thou sure that will work, Sir James?
Sir James: Well, it has worked twenty-four times previously….
Lady Lashana: I think mine plan ist better. I shalt encourage him to come away with me to a place of solitude, where both of thee shalt be waiting.
Sir James: Well, we shalt see how it goes.
(They enter ye establishment. The tavern is full of smoke, music and excitement ....)
Lord Felix ; T'is a den of  iniquity, ful of the lowest knaves of the kingdom.
Passing Lady : Why, greetings Lord Felix, you back for .....
Lord Felix : Be gone, strange woman, whom I hath never met before !
Sir James : Hey, Not So fast Lord Felix, I might have at least have gotten her calling card.
Lady Lashana : Tty the notice by the wheel by the pawn shop
Sir James : Ah yes ? Pawn Hub
Lord Felix : Any sign of Sir Malik ?
Lady Lashana: I do believe that is he over there, at a gaming table
Sir James : That b'eith amazing, do ye have second sight ?
Lady Lashana: Nay, One Vision. He looks to be playing chemin de fer.
Lord Felix: Not poker, then?
Sir James: I can not see what he's sitting on ! ..... Oh Poker ?  Nay, Not this time.
Lord Felix : I hope your card skills are as good as when you played those two Serbians ?
Sir James : Aye, t'was indeed a game of two Slavs. Now I shall away.
(Sir James sits at ye gaming table and calls for chips. After some misunderstanding involving deep-fried potatoes, he is able to play.)
Sir James: Banco.
(Across the table sits Sir Malik Mercury, accompanied by a stunningly beautiful young maiden.)
Sir Malik: Ah, a new player. May I be permitted to know thine name?
Sir James: I am he who is called Bond, James Bond.
Sir Malik: Doubtless thou knowest mine identity. And this ist Paloma.
Paloma: Most pleased to meet thee, good sir.
Sir James: And I thee. Come, let us play!
(Lady Lashana sits next to Sir Malik.)
Lady Lashana: Tell me, how ist it that thou do seem to win so frequently?
Sir Malik: It's a kind of magic.
Sir James: Well, now I'm here.
(Ye cards are dealt, and Sir James wins.)
Sir Malik: So! Shall we play again?
Sir James: Aye, the show must go on.
( after much card play, Sir James looks to be losing  ........ )
Sir Malik : T'would seem I'm too good for you Sir James
Sir James ; Then why don't we change the game, and the stakes ?
Sir Malik : Hath you something in mind ?
Sir James : T'is all the rage at court, ..... Snap !
Sir Malik : Indeed a game of great skill, very well, we shall play  after all
   These are the days of our lives,  and the nights of ..... ?
( They begin to play..... another Montage of cards on table, and hands reaching for chips ..... )
Sir James : Lord Felix come join our revelry, and bring mead that is shaken not stirred.
Lord Felix : You are in good spirits Sir James, has luck been a lady tonight ?
Sir James : Aye, ... Sir Malik has thine cod piece slipped ?
( Sir Malik looks down for a second as Sir James, slaps a card on the pile shouting SNAP !! )
Sir Malik : What ? How ? ........ You bloody Che......
Lord Felix : Now Sir Malik , Play the game. all t'is fair and above board
Sir Malik : Forgive me gentlemen, T'would seem I have lost

"Let his death be a particularly unpleasant and humiliating one."

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Lady Lashana: Thou seems to be out of luck this evening, Sir Malik.
Sir Malik: Aye, ‘tis so.
Lady Lashana: Mayhap I could change that for thee?
Sir Malik: I thank’ee, sweet lady, but I prefer to play the game.
Sir James: Then shall we...  double the stakes?
Sir Malik: I have no objection.
Lord Felix: Take care, Sir James.
Sir James: Oh, ‘tis super easy- barely an inconvenience.
(They play, and Sir James wins again.)
Sir Malik: Thou surely hast a talent for this game, Sir James.
Sir James: ‘Tis merely one of many.
Sir Malik: Mayhap we shalt find out if that ist true, later. Come, let us drink together.
(Sir Malik heads for the bar, with Paloma on his arm. Sir James heads there too.)
Lady Lashana: (Aside to Lord Felix.) Should I go too?
Lord Felix: Nay, methinks Sir James ist more his cup of tea.
( They arrive at the bar, but wirh Sir James on Sir Maliks arm .... )
Paloma: Of thee I have heard, Sir James, thou hast fine testimonials.
Sir James: ‘Tis these tights again, I must find a thicker denier.
Sir Malik; What would thou drink, mine friend? I willst have ye finest champagne in ye house!
Paloma: And for me, too.
Sir James: I willst have mead- let it shaken be, and not stirred.
Sir Malik : and some nibbles, tell me Sir James doth thee enjoy Oysters or Snails ?
Sir James : To be honest, I'm more a large frankfurter guy. Nearly choked on a big one
but I manage to swallow quite a lot !
Sir Malik : ( Wide Eyed ) ....That I would'st like to see ........
(A steward approaches.)
Steward: Thine pardon, Sir Malik, but a message hast come for thee.
Sir Malik: Excuse me a moment, Sir James, I am sure that Paloma will keep thee entertained. (Exits.)
Sir James: Hast thou know Sir Malik long?
Paloma: Nay, not long. I met him one night at the opera.

"Let his death be a particularly unpleasant and humiliating one."

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I'm sure film fans will get the "Snails or Oysters " reference from Spartacus. A
scene which for years was "Cut" from television showings  ajb007/lol

"Let his death be a particularly unpleasant and humiliating one."