101

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

(Will send you an even less SFW one by PM)

102

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

Brilliant  ajb007/lol

103

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

https://i.postimg.cc/xNJn0tkn/108638928-056288138.jpg

Picture from earlier today of a load of bull.

104

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol
Brilliant C&D
in a similar vein I saw this last week.

Mistakes that led to a relationship breakdown # 1
Asking my girlfriend to sit on my face in my best Sean Connery voice!

It was either that.....or the priesthood

105

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  I imagine that relationship had a messy ending.  ajb007/crap

"How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."

106

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

It's not often sh1t comes before the bull.  ajb007/biggrin

“I didn’t lose a friend, I just realised I never had one.”

107

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

Barbel wrote:

https://i.postimg.cc/xNJn0tkn/108638928-056288138.jpg

Picture from earlier today of a load of bull.

I think that's a very good illustration of the Prime Minister versus Parliament at the minute! ajb007/lol

Writer/Director @ The Bondologist Blog (TBB)
On Twitter: @Dragonpol 
'Like' TBB on FB: TBB Update Page
"The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).

108

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

It's Parliament  v The People now SM   ajb007/wink

“I didn’t lose a friend, I just realised I never had one.”

109

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

A Catholic priest suffers a heart attack. When he wakes up he's being pushed through a white corridor.
He asks: "Am I in heaven?"
"No" replies the nurse pushing the gurney. "We just took a short-cut through the children's ward"

110

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

Thunderpussy wrote:

It's Parliament  v The People now SM   ajb007/wink

Yes, and bring it on at the next general election which will hopefully be sooner rather than later. We desperately need a clearout at Westminster to get things done, not least of which is Brexit!  ajb007/martini

Writer/Director @ The Bondologist Blog (TBB)
On Twitter: @Dragonpol 
'Like' TBB on FB: TBB Update Page
"The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).

111

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

Not many people know this, but President George W. Bush, VP Dick Cheney and Secretary of  War Danald Rumsfeld all secretly visited the front lines during the invasion in Iraq. Everything went terribly wrong and all three were captured by Iraqi forces.
A firing squad is convened and Rumsfeld, Cheney and  Bush are all marched to a wall to be shot. As the firing squad are loading their guns Rumsfeld thinks, "I've got to cause a diversion so I can get away." He yells "Oh, no. A TORNADO" and points behind the firing squad. As the Iraqis turn around to see if there is a tornado approaching, Rumsfeld jumps over the wall behind him and runs away. The firing squad turns their attention back to the two men who are left. Cheney quickly observes how well Rumsfeld's ruse has worked and yells "EARTHQUAKE". As the firing squad frantically looks for a place to take cover Cheney jumps over the wall and he too escapes. The firing squad resumes their stance and proceeds to take aim at George W. Bush. Dubya, believing that he, too, can create a diversion, frantically searches his mind for another natural disaster to use. Smiling to himself, he yells "FIRE".

112

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

What do you call a Scandinavian porn director?
- Pjorn.

I met a depressed Scandinavian the other day.
He wished he'd never been Björn.

Perhaps only Norwegians will laugh at this one?
What’s the difference between Norway and Sweden?
- Sweden has a nice neighbor.

Last edited by Number24 (8th Nov 2019 18:41)

113

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

Is this  a joke or a political allegory? I don't know, but I've read a lot about Soviet history and this gives a fairly good insight into the mindset of the Soviet leaders:

In spite of the fact that Lenin died before Gorbatchev was born, all the major Soviet leaders were sitting on a train. Suddenly it stopped in the middle of nowhere, and the conductor informed them that there was no more railway track in front of the locomotive in spite of the railway being reported as finished five years ago. The conductor asked the great leaders what to do about the problem. since he was the father of the revolution Lenin spoke first:
- We should free the local farmers and order them to finish the railway
Stalin was next: - We should order the farmers to finish the railway in a day, then shoot them all for sabotage.
Khrushchev: - We should order the farmers to take the railway tracks behind the train and use it to finish the railway in front of us.
Brezhnev: - We should close the curtains, then  order the farmers to rock the our train carriage and make train noises.
Gorbatchev: - We should pay the farmers to finish the railway with the Money we no longer have.