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Topic: Bond's Scottish Treasure

"May, Bond's elderly Scottish Treasure, came in to clear the breakfast things away.  Bond had lit up a Duke of Durham, king-size, with filter.  The authoritative Consumers Union of America rates this cigarette the one with the smallest tar and nicotine content...

"May was fiddling about with the breakfast things---her signal that she had something to say.  Bond looked up from the center news page of The Times.  'Anything on your mind, May?'

"May's elderly, severe features were flushed.  She said defensively, 'I have that.'  She looked straight at Bond.  She was holding the yoghurt carton in her hand.  She crumpled it in her strong fingers and dropped it among the breakfast things on the tray.  'It's not my place to say it, Mister James, but ye're poisoning yersel'.'

"Bond said cheerfully, 'I know, May.  You're quite right.  But at least I've got them down to ten a day.'

"'I'm not talking about yer wee bitty smoke.  I'm talking 'bout this'---May gestured at the tray---'this pap.'  The word was spat out with disdain.  Having got this off her chest, May gathered steam.  'It's no recht for a man to be eating bairns' food and slops and suchlike.  Ye needn't worry that I'll talk, Mister James, but I'm knowing more about yer life than mebbe ye were wishing I did.  There's been times when they've brought ye home from hospital and and there's talk you've been in a motoring accident or some such.  But I'm not the old fule ye think I am, Mister James.  Motoring accidents don't make one small hole in yer shoulder or yer leg or somewhere.  Why, ye've got scars on ye the noo---ach, ye needn't grin like that, I've seen them---that could only be made by buellets.  And these guns and knives and things ye carry around when ye're off abroad.  Ach!'  May put her hands on her hips.  Her eyes were bright and defiant.  'Ye can tell me to mind my ain business and pack me off back to Glen Orchy, but before I go I'm telling ye, Mister James, that if ye get yerself into annuiter fight and ye've got nothing but yon muck in yer stomach, they'll be bringing ye home in a hearse.  That's what they'll be doing.'"

- May gives Bond a dust-up over his new obsession with health food; Thunderball, Chapter 7.


What I'm saying is this:  Eon, put this lady in the movies---and start with #22. 

Show Bond at home---have him wake up, show a quick montage of him doing push-ups, sit-ups and chin-ups, followed by a shower that is first scalding hot...then ice cold.

Have Bond at his dining room table, eating breakfast, reading the paper...and let his housekeeper have a go at him in a fashion similar to what Ian Fleming wrote above; perhaps it's about the late hours he's keeping, how much he's drinking---whatever.  But give us this extra bit of Fleming gold.  Entire sequence:  Two or three minutes, tops.

Between Dame Judi at the office---and May in his flat---who could blame 007 for his endless parade of lovely, nubile women; disposable objects of pleasure to distract him, from issues both within and without...

My two cents' worth, anyhoo.  Thanks for reading  ajb007/bond

Last edited by Loeffelholz (20th Mar 2007 04:04)

"Blood & Ashes"...AVAILABLE on Amazon.co.uk: Get 'Jaded': Blood & Ashes: The Debut Oscar Jade Thriller
"I am not an entrant in the Shakespeare Stakes." - Ian Fleming
"Screw 'em." - Daniel Craig, The Best James Bond EverTM

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

I agree Loeff, she would be a very welcome addition. Great idea. From your fingers to....

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

Thanks, Mo  ajb007/smile 

Seems to me, if they're going to forego Q as a humourous foil, give May a shot.  If cast correctly, she could quickly become a scene-stealing cameo in the occasional movie---not necessarily each one, but just once in a while...like in the books.

"Blood & Ashes"...AVAILABLE on Amazon.co.uk: Get 'Jaded': Blood & Ashes: The Debut Oscar Jade Thriller
"I am not an entrant in the Shakespeare Stakes." - Ian Fleming
"Screw 'em." - Daniel Craig, The Best James Bond EverTM

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

As long as she doesn't talk like she's come straight out of The Broons (as above) ajb007/wink, I'll be happy ajb007/cheers

Last edited by Moonraker 5 (20th Mar 2007 07:51)

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

A gifted comic actress could do wonders with May (I'm thinking Celia Imrie).

However, are the days of a live-in housekeeper like May past?  For readers of Fleming, it's fantastic - for young audience members, it could seem anachronistic or worse, laughable, for Our Hero to have an elderly woman fussing around him and making his coffee.

Founder of the Wint & Kidd Appreciation Society.

@merseytart

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

jetsetwilly wrote:

A gifted comic actress could do wonders with May (I'm thinking Celia Imrie).

Not Scottish enough ajb007/wink  Anette Crosby, long suffering wife of Victor Meldrew, is more or less who I'd picture.

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

Bit of a danger of slowing the film down a bit, though, isn't it? Bond mooching around in his slippers isn't exactly exciting stuff. And to be honest, how many batchelors have a housekeeper anyway? Being a military guy you'd expect Bond not to mind making his own bed too much. I wonder if May is more of a fantasy of Fleming's rather than something the character would have..?

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

Fleming fantasy or not, I can't really understand your argument: Bond was a military man and did have a housekeeper. Exciting or not, these were great scenes in the novels and I was never aware of them slowing down the action. I rather liked these glimpses of Bond's home life and can't see why 21stC audiences wouldn't feel the same; does the film have to move at break-neck speed throughout - surely these periods of reflection only serve to highlight the action rather than slow it down? I don't think that anyone is suggesting that these are lengthy scenes, just little cameos would be enough. I like the idea, but agree with M5 that to cast a genuine scottish actress would be more effective, so Crosby gets my vote as well.

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

...on the other hand, this could be another slippery slope; how long before we see May coming to the rescue in a Union Jack emblazoned hot-air balloon?

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

Ageist, sexist, but two old women bossing Bond about may be just too much.

Otherwise, I'd have May as a Tamsin Greig type, not quite Moneypenny, but maybe a housekeeper or someone who checks security on Bond's flat on a regular basis, not a housekeeper as such. Something of the relationship does remind me of Jimmy Stewart and housekeeper in Rear Window, or maybe Hancock and whoever it was, she popped up in Alf Garnett years later. For the film, I'd have her younger, a bit batty.

Moneypenny is a bit of a sacred cow, but this May character is all new. Ditto Loela Posonby.

"This is where we leave you Mr Bond."

Roger Moore 1927-2017

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

Bill Tanner wrote:

Fleming fantasy or not, I can't really understand your argument: Bond was a military man and did have a housekeeper.

No; Bond wasn't real ajb007/wink My point is that, if Bond had existed, would he really be the type of chap to have a housekeeper or would he be happy looking after himself? Someone from Fleming's background would have welcomed being waited on, but Bond and Fleming weren't the same person.
And as for watching Bond in his flat... well it's never been riveting on the two occasions we've had so far. And a modern man of London in 2007 having a housekeeper waiting on him is just a bizarre notion, to be honest.

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

Bill Tanner wrote:

...on the other hand, this could be another slippery slope; how long before we see May coming to the rescue in a Union Jack emblazoned hot-air balloon?

ajb007/lol

Of course, I'm not in touch with what civil servants in 21st Century London do for domestic help, but I doubt they're completely extinct.  Personally, I think it's worth a couple of minutes of screen time to give us a side of Bond we haven't seen before---and, as I said, I link it to his private physical regimen.  Bond is a somewhat fastidious creature of habit; this would play to that.

"Blood & Ashes"...AVAILABLE on Amazon.co.uk: Get 'Jaded': Blood & Ashes: The Debut Oscar Jade Thriller
"I am not an entrant in the Shakespeare Stakes." - Ian Fleming
"Screw 'em." - Daniel Craig, The Best James Bond EverTM

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

Another wrinkly old lady in the cast? I'm all for it!
Not sure I follow the line of reasoning between these two arguments though:


emtiem wrote:
Bill Tanner wrote:

Fleming fantasy or not, I can't really understand your argument: Bond was a military man and did have a housekeeper.


No; Bond wasn't real ajb007/wink My point is that, if Bond had existed, would he really be the type of chap to have a housekeeper or would he be happy looking after himself? Someone from Fleming's background would have welcomed being waited on, but Bond and Fleming weren't the same person.
And as for watching Bond in his flat... well it's never been riveting on the two occasions we've had so far. And a modern man of London in 2007 having a housekeeper waiting on him is just a bizarre notion, to be honest.


Bond wasn't real? What sort of a defense is that; can't you just feel that thin ice cracking beneath your feet as the entire franchise crumbles around you?

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

MrsDalloway wrote:

Bond wasn't real? What sort of a defense is that; can't you just feel that thin ice cracking beneath your feet as the entire franchise crumbles around you?

Heh! My point is that Bond and his companion characters were only characters; they don't always act like real people but behave and are surrounded by events which drive the story along and get to places Fleming wanted to get to; thus saying 'Bond was a military man and had a housekeeper' doesn't make that proof of the fact that that sort of thing would happen, any more than saying 'Blofeld did have a bad childhood and had a garden of death' as if one leads to the other in real life! ajb007/smile

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

Napoleon Plural wrote:

Ageist, sexist, but two old women bossing Bond about may be just too much.

I see it as something for Bond's alpha maleness to rail against.  If Moneypenny returns, so much the better---his double entendres and flirtations with her form the front line of his counter-offensive...and reverting to his horn-dog ways, whilst in the field, would actually provide a further counter-balance.  In drama (and cinema), conflict is good   ajb007/cool

I will say one thing, though:  In a franchise which has featured hollowed-out volcanoes, cars with ejector seats, heads-up displays and missiles (not to mention wheelie-poppin' big rigs and underwater tie-straightening), the mere notion of Bond having a housekeeper is 'bizarre' and 'unrealistic,' it is proof, I suppose, that the franchise is making tangible progress   ajb007/wink

Last edited by Loeffelholz (21st Mar 2007 16:42)

"Blood & Ashes"...AVAILABLE on Amazon.co.uk: Get 'Jaded': Blood & Ashes: The Debut Oscar Jade Thriller
"I am not an entrant in the Shakespeare Stakes." - Ian Fleming
"Screw 'em." - Daniel Craig, The Best James Bond EverTM

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

Keeping EON's bizarre casting decisions in mind, why not a bit of consistent inconstistencies. Let's cast Michael Kitchen as M. This would leave Judi Dench free to play May in Bond 22...and John Cleese can play Blofeld for good measure.

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

Not sure what you're getting at...but okay  ajb007/confused

"Blood & Ashes"...AVAILABLE on Amazon.co.uk: Get 'Jaded': Blood & Ashes: The Debut Oscar Jade Thriller
"I am not an entrant in the Shakespeare Stakes." - Ian Fleming
"Screw 'em." - Daniel Craig, The Best James Bond EverTM

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

darenhat wrote:

John Cleese can play Blofeld for good measure.

"Ah, good evening Mr Bond. You wish to register a complaint?"

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

Barbel wrote:

"Ah, good evening Mr Bond. You wish to register a complaint?"

Blofeld, disguised as an innkeeper in Torquay  (sic?)  ajb007/cool

Last edited by Loeffelholz (21st Mar 2007 19:50)

"Blood & Ashes"...AVAILABLE on Amazon.co.uk: Get 'Jaded': Blood & Ashes: The Debut Oscar Jade Thriller
"I am not an entrant in the Shakespeare Stakes." - Ian Fleming
"Screw 'em." - Daniel Craig, The Best James Bond EverTM

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

Loeffelholz wrote:

"I'd like an argument, please." 

ajb007/cool

ajb007/lol "Alright: your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

"Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"  ajb007/lol

Last edited by Loeffelholz (21st Mar 2007 19:55)

"Blood & Ashes"...AVAILABLE on Amazon.co.uk: Get 'Jaded': Blood & Ashes: The Debut Oscar Jade Thriller
"I am not an entrant in the Shakespeare Stakes." - Ian Fleming
"Screw 'em." - Daniel Craig, The Best James Bond EverTM

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

On a practical basis, only bits of the literary Bond are readily appropriate for the screen, which is sad since the success of the reboot rode on that merit, bringing Bond back to basics.  Having all the rest tidbits, like boys night with Bill Tanner, May, Bond's eccentric, self-pampering rituals, would be a dream come true for literary fans and quite frankly, pulling it off with style and panache is too much a challenge for EON and company.

"...the purposeful slant of his striding figure looked dangerous, as if he was making quickly for something bad that was happening further down the street." -SMERSH on 007 dossier photo, Ch. 6 FRWL.....

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

Loeffs I agree with your idea, as long as May and any other side character is limted in screen time.  I wouldn't the Bond films to make the mistake the Batman films did where they put everyone, Alfred, Robin, Bat Girl, 3 villians and a girlfriend in one movie.  You don't want a Bond movie where you wonder where Bond is.  Perhaps May in one movie, Moneypenny in another and then Q in another.

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

superado wrote:

On a practical basis, only bits of the literary Bond are readily appropriate for the screen, which is sad since the success of the reboot rode on that merit, bringing Bond back to basics.  Having all the rest tidbits, like boys night with Bill Tanner, May, Bond's eccentric, self-pampering rituals, would be a dream come true for literary fans and quite frankly, pulling it off with style and panache is too much a challenge for EON and company.

I dunno, supes...I think it's a new world, with the slate wiped pretty much clean, and some signs that a bit of the literary isn't necessarily the death knell for the franchise it was thought to be. 
 
Naturally, it comes down to the writing...CR shows (to me) that P&W are capable of better-than-expected work when they have sense enough to utilize source material (and have a bit of fresh talent sweep up behind them in the rewrite process).  We can't be sure it will fail until it's been tried; many of Eon's detractors seem to have underestimated them last year, if box office and critical acclaim (two things which rarely go hand-in-hand with 007) are anything to go by.

Now that the literary have established a beachhead, I guess I'm just not quite ready to climb back into the landing craft, give up and go home  ajb007/shifty

Naturally, they can't do it all; as you indicated, not all bits are appropriate.  But two minutes of Bond's workout regimen---and a quick turn by May---are not insurmountable, IMRO.

Last edited by Loeffelholz (22nd Mar 2007 03:04)

"Blood & Ashes"...AVAILABLE on Amazon.co.uk: Get 'Jaded': Blood & Ashes: The Debut Oscar Jade Thriller
"I am not an entrant in the Shakespeare Stakes." - Ian Fleming
"Screw 'em." - Daniel Craig, The Best James Bond EverTM

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Re: Bond's Scottish Treasure

Barry Nelson wrote:

I wouldn't the Bond films to make the mistake the Batman films did where they put everyone, Alfred, Robin, Bat Girl, 3 villians and a girlfriend in one movie.  You don't want a Bond movie where you wonder where Bond is.  Perhaps May in one movie, Moneypenny in another and then Q in another.

A fair point, Barry, and you're absolutely right.  We don't want it too cluttered.  I think the first step would be a bit less M---or, at least, have her stay back in her office once the assignment's been given...

To me, May and Q fulfill the same purpose (character-based humour), so both in the same film would be redundant...but they've crammed Q and Moneypenny into all but two of the films so far with a fair amount of success.

Part of my thing here, I confess, is that it would be nice to see a glimpse of Bond when he's not at the office, or on a mission...I think Fleming realized that it added a dimension to his 'blunt instrument.'

Two minutes.  Tops.  ajb007/bond

Last edited by Loeffelholz (22nd Mar 2007 03:36)

"Blood & Ashes"...AVAILABLE on Amazon.co.uk: Get 'Jaded': Blood & Ashes: The Debut Oscar Jade Thriller
"I am not an entrant in the Shakespeare Stakes." - Ian Fleming
"Screw 'em." - Daniel Craig, The Best James Bond EverTM